How to Catch a Whale

Use a big net, surely?

“There are some other things to consider, you can’t just sling out a big net and expect your whale to simple swim in. There will need to be some bate. Best case scenario would be to place your net where you already know there are whales. The whales go where the food is. Schools of fish, no doubt. Simple.”


Now, you might be wondering: why exactly are we hunting whales? Well, we’re hunting whales, because we’re hungry of course. You can feed a lot of people with a whale.

That said, you might be one of those people who deplores whale hunting; a green warrior or whatever. And after all, they’re such beautiful, gentle creatures, aren’t they? We nearly hunted them to extinction in the past so they’re protected now. Unless your a Japanese scientist that is. I suppose, for the time being at least, whale is off the menu. Hold on though, couldn’t we just farm them?

You know what surprises me the most about world leaders, it’s how appallingly bad they are at explaining their purpose. We might ask them: Why, exactly? How is it you’re one of the world’s leaders? Why are you doing what you’re doing? What is the point of you? And the other thing that surprises me: how is it these people aren’t taken to task more often? How exactly do they get to the position they’re in?

The main problem we have, is the type of people who’re drawn toward politics and world leadership, often have some serious and fundamental character flaws. And the rest of us know it. So the dilemma is, how do we find world leaders who’re emotionally stable, self-aware and capable? A good start, I believe, would be to find potential leaders who truly understand what love is. Who then, armed with this knowledge, are truly capable of loving the people they lead in a clean, clear and exact manner.

“Perhaps the only way to attract such people into leadership is to find them young. A little like the Buddhists do when they track down their new Dalai Lama (non-above). They find him very young.”

Also we need an incentive that’s not driven by an instinctive need to feed the ego. When this is the case things get a bit dodgy, an ego driven leader, can tend to be a little self-centered. The Buddhists have gotten round this, very cleverly, by teaching their young leaders, that there is no ego: no self, clever hey? However clever it is, it’ a bit… how can I put it…? Erm… Let’s just say… Shit.


You see, the trouble is, Buddhists don’t have any bombs. No ego – no bombs. It would seem world leaders do need bombs (chemical or whatever). There is a paradox here though, for example, think of men with big cars, why do they own the big car? Generally they have big cars because they have very small genitals (don’t mention lorry drivers). So the paradox is, male world leaders have their egos and their big bombs to compensate for some kind of lack. So it follows, we currently have world leaders who are incomplete. Not good. One thing a leader must be is complete. A whole person. A Whale Person ha ha!

“It reminds me of a woman I went out with once, who, over a few too many glasses of wine, told me about a big bodybuilder she went out with; when they had sex she could hardly feel it was in. “So small!” she giggled, spilling her wine.”

She stopped giggling later. We went out in my Mini the next morning; I let her drive (tut, tut, men, how pathetic). So on that note, I reckon the Dalai Lama must be very well hung. But without the small car and the wine, how does he cope?


So now we have a prerequisite: would leaders must have large genitals. Or better still: all world leaders must be female – oh no, hold on, I’ve met some real-life monsters who were female, so that doesn’t work. No, whether male or female, the answer must come down to understanding love.

Abstract School Of Fish

So back to the point in question: how do you catch a whale? With a School of Fish and a big Net of course. And the incentive to be a loving world leader? Well, in order to answer that question, you would need to truly understand what love is in the first place, would you not?