Development in Spring

Spring Development

I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.  

It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.

During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.

To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.

The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.

Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.

This is where development comes into play

Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.

Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.

Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.

A Determination to Make Life Easier


The way in which we make life harder for ourselves is extraordinary. From my own experiences I know this to be the case. We seek happiness and fulfilment, and this is often at great cost, to our peace of mind. At great cost, because instead of a calm, level-headed approach to our goals, we create turmoil through doing things that are in direct opposition to this. We go for a run and then sit down with a pint of beer. We spend a fortune with our therapist, mentor or coach, and then return home to our horribly unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it’s not the seeking happiness and fulfilment that’s the issue, it’s doing those things that upset our direction and purpose, that is.


We’re understandably driven to achieve great things and yet do so much that’s directly opposed to this. We’re often very determined to make some positive changes in our lives, but so many of us easily drift back into old, self-destructive patterns. Through this, we’re actually making life harder for ourselves. We know it on one level, yet can’t seem to stop ourselves from carrying out our little methods, for self-destruction. We could all make life so much easier for ourselves by understanding why and how we do this.


For example, think of the determination we humans often show in turning our lives around by becoming fit and well. Now think of the determination we demonstrate at achieving its opposite. We seem to require a reward for our hard work that’s ‘other’ than the goal we’re actually striving for. 

You’ve been for a run (or whatever) and the rewards must be the feelings associated with this alone. Not the slice of cake or pint of beer! Confusingly, perhaps we’re drawn into creating toxic relationships. Why, when we’re working so hard to love ourselves, are we pulled towards cruel and unkind people? We seem to actively go out of our way to bring cruel and destructive people into our lives. How? Why? By focusing our minds we’re able to recognise the how and why.


Two Steps Forward

Eating that slice of cake or drinking that pint of beer is of course pleasurable, however, the next time we go for a run we’re having to fight those added few pounds. We’re having to work harder through the belief we need the sugary rewards. We’re having to fight the poison of alcohol.

Much of this reward system harks back to childhood, so we must look to put away, those things of childhood. When we do, life becomes easier. We need the abusers in our life because they potentially represent our true feelings of self-worth. In order to love ourselves fully, we must rid ourselves of the abusers, only then can we truly learn to love. It may seem hard to extinguish these people from our lives, yet we must recognise how they’re perpetuating, the problem. 


Yes, be determined, and make sure your determination is directed and focused. Have goals, seek fulfilment, and more of the love life has to offer. Most importantly, notice the internal battles. Two steps forward, followed by one step back, can be extremely frustrating, and in the long term, it’s detrimental to our health. Notice the methods used for this. Remove the unnecessary rewards system and the abusers from your life. Make it easier. Grow.

People Pleasing

“You may find this relevant today. Extracted from our workbook: ‘Create Beautiful Partnerships’ – we’re sure it will help”


Michelle’s reality was loneliness

There are people who take all the time and there are people who
give all the time, the latter is exhausting

Michelle sat at the kitchen table smoking a very large joint; she drew heavily, inhaled the smoke and began to feel the buzz.

‘That’s better,’ she said to the empty kitchen, ‘time alone to chill with a glass of wine and a smoke, heaven!’

Michelle enjoyed being there for others, it helped her feel less alone in a way, but to Michelle, people always seemed so needy. She often asked herself: what was it about her that enabled people to open up, to share their sorrows so readily? Was she a good listener, a good friend, likeable?

The time alone continued for three days. Eventually, she became bored with feeling drunk and stoned, it was time to return to work and reality. Michelle’s reality was loneliness. Even when in company she could never quite push the feeling of being alone away. It helped to be with friends and colleagues, either at work or in her local later.

Andrew loved it when Michelle sat with him. They had both finished a tiring day’s work and were now in their local pub, enjoying the atmosphere and beer. To Andrew, Michelle seemed such a caring, lovely person, so easy to talk to. He was, of course, falling for her and in his eyes; she seemed to be warming to him.

As they talked, he shared more and more of himself, his fears, hopes and troubles. Michelle listened, made jokes and smiled in all the right places and seemed insistent on buying more than her fair share of drinks. Andrew made a decision, at the end of the evening he would ask her out. At the time, Andrew hadn’t even considered the fact he knew absolutely nothing about Michelle, all he knew was that he liked her warmth

And so it was, they started seeing each other and over the weeks became closer, more loving. The sex was great! In Andrew’s eyes all seemed well, until Michelle changed. She became distant, detached somehow. They started seeing less and less of each other. When in company, Michelle seemed antagonistic and critical of the things he said and did. It was the evening when he became angry at her criticism that he decided to call it a day

‘It’s just not working,’ he told her.

Returning home afterwards he felt sad and confused over ending it with his girlfriend, but knew her behaviour had become intolerable.

‘Well, there goes another one, disappearing into the night,’ said Michelle despondently. ‘And anyway he was just another needy fella, no loss.’

It was only later that Michelle began to feel sad and confused, she didn’t understand why so many of her relationships ended up this way. She had fallen in love with Andrew.

She topped up her glass of red wine, and then drew heavily on her joint. ‘Oh, heaven, time alone to chill,’ she exclaimed to the walls in her kitchen.


To be considerate to other peoples needs is all well and good, however, to be overly considerate to others, due to a need to be liked, will in time end in the need to reject the people who learn to take from the people pleaser.

An individual who gives all the time will be neglecting their own emotional needs. This state of affairs cannot be sustained for long periods. When the people pleaser begins to sense they are neglecting their own emotional needs, it becomes necessary for them to reject the takers.

People are often confused by the people pleaser, as most of the time they are the life and soul of the party. They are the kind of person who can be relied upon to do the right thing by others, to be there for them. In time, the people pleaser will turn. They may slip into a dark mood and cut themselves off from others. Confusion for all is the result.

To be the partner of a people pleaser is hard work, as it can seem that the relationship is one long cycle of acceptance, followed by rejection and so on.


Needing to be liked by others is the people pleaser’s drama. Neglecting ones own emotional needs only results in a poor cycle of accept, then reject, the result of which is confusion for the people pleaser and those around them.

In our true story, Michelle was a people pleaser. Her own emotional needs came second. The cycle of accept, then reject, was necessary for her due to mental exhaustion. She needed to learn how to accept love and learn to believe that she was lovable.

We refer to the ‘ultimate rejection process’ within our heading; by changing her consciousness with alcohol and marijuana, Michelle was ultimately rejecting the self.


Putting ones own emotional needs first is paramount in beginning to change the cycle of accept then reject, a cycle that can happen when overly considerate to other peoples needs. It must be recognised that the individuals emotional needs come before anyone else’s.

Conversely, a person who dumps their emotional baggage onto others will continue to do this if allowed to do so. They may not have any consideration for the recipient of their garbage, they come away lighter, and the people pleaser will only ever ultimately feel dumpedon.

Important questions are these:
What is it that is lacking within me that drives me to want to please everyone else?
How is it so important that others like me?
What needs to happen for me to believe that people like me for who I am?

You can find your application form for workshop attendance here.

Toxicity Binds

Toxicity Binds

“If we’re not very careful toxic environments can become the norm”

If we’re not very careful, binding ourselves to certain places and situations, becomes acceptable. Often, what lies at the root to our toleration of bad relationships or poor work environments, is fear. ‘Better the devil we know’ is probably one of the worst maxims ever thought up.

Of course moving on and escaping toxicity takes courage. We must firstly recognise how stagnant and damaging our situation has become before we can do anything. Once something has become an accepted norm we can become blind to its bind.

“It could well be that we have some kind of plan”

We have a plan for escape, and yet we’re not seeing, how it’s also binding us. The plan may well seem sound and well constructed, however, for some unknown reason, it’s not coming to fruition. During our struggles to bring our plans to maturity, we’re having to cope with an ever increasing toxicity, to our lives. This is a no win situation. Imagine being slowly poisoned by a boiler we know should have been serviced many years ago. We keep it running, ignoring the risk; reluctant to make the necessary arrangements. The boiler eventually kills us. We’re slowly gassed to death in our sleep.

Toxicity Binds
Lies That Kill

“We wake when we rinse the fear from our minds”

When we’re able to remove the inhibiting filters of fear, we’re able to see what arrangements need to be made, in order to escape. Not when the plan comes together. These plans may well have become part of the problem. Once again it may be necessary to wipe the blackboard clean and start over.

“We might be lying to ourselves”

Take some time to think about how we all bind ourselves into toxic situations, believing that things will work out, in the end. The biggest problem with this kind of thinking, is when it does eventually work out, it’ll be the end. Too late. Do something now and escape.

You can find your application form here.

The Power of Personal Development

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is Power

Like it or not if we want more personal power we’re going to need the know-how. The knowledge of how others surreptitiously take our power, and how we might be unknowingly giving it away, will prove invaluable. We can either gain this knowledge through the school of hard knocks, or we can learn avoidance techniques. It’s a simple choice. And it’s those who realise the benefits to learning additional life-skills that are awarded personal power.

Relationships are Important

It’s a rare thing to enter adulthood with the kind of emotional maturity that awards us good relationships. It’s true to say, the better equipped we are at displaying emotional maturity, the more likely we’ll find that person of our dreams. The individual who’s respectful of our needs, and at the same time mature enough to put their needs in the proper place, finds beauty in their relationships. We’re able to be one of the fortunate when we have the correct information to hand.

Awareness is Paramount

Increasing self-awareness comes as a by-product of knowing others better. Once we understand the reflective nature of people’s character, we’re awarded an unprecedented ability, to see ourselves objectively. It’s only once we can do this, that we’re able to raise our self-awareness and our game. Self-awareness empowers us to take full control of ourselves and our lives. Take for example, the person who’s in a constant state of confusion over their mood swings. They report feelings of being out of control; as if they’re on a “constantly moving emotional seesaw.” We ask about diet, walk them through a typical day, only to discover their bad habit. We then point out, how gobbling five hundred calorie sugar hits, four or five times a day, is likely effecting their brain, thus raising their self-awareness. Knowledge is power.

Knowing What to Believe

Knowing what we believe gives us the ability to question and change those beliefs that limit us. For example, the person who grows up believing big (overweight) gives them the power to intimidate people, and get their needs met through this intimidation, is limited through simple belief. We help such an individual, who might be five stones overweight, through helping them recognise how they’re carrying five stones of fear. Fear shortens lives, either through being afraid ourselves, or believing we need others to be this way, so we may get our needs met. Never be afraid to question beliefs.

Time is of The Essence

The sooner we’re in a position of power, over ourselves, choices and ultimately our lives, the sooner we get started on truly living. We can do away with much of the drama of life, through being informed, and in emotional control. Learning how we create our own difficulties, through bad relationships and limiting beliefs, is at the core of making the most of our precious time. Never waste time thinking ‘things will just work themselves out in the end.’ By the time that arrives, it will of course, be too late.

You can find your application form here.

Personal Development Courses

So many people dream of having different lives. We know what we want, yet seem limited by forces unknown. Feeling these unknown forces (perhaps in the form of frustration, anger or despair) simply means we’ve reached the limits of our resources.

“The most valuable life skill of all is that of thinking. It is the way in which we think, that decides the kind of life, we experience”

The ability to change our internal environment (how we think), about any given situation, awards us the ability to change our external experience. Let’s use the example of a business facing staff relationship difficulties.

Relationship difficulties within companies are often the result of poor management. The relationships between staff members often needs to be managed. If the managers themselves lack sufficient resources, in terms of how they relate to people, this will be reflected through the business as a whole.

Now, the manager in our example is a woman who believes men are idiots. The reasons for this are in some ways complicated, yet in others, very simple. The complication is why she believes this, and yet, the easy solution lies in how. In other words, all our manager needs to ask herself is: how am I creating this problem with my staff? At this moment in time there’s no need for us to complicate things by looking to understand the psychology of why. From time to time we all face self-imposed difficulties. The quick solution is all we need right now. This is found by asking: How? The how is simple.

This is How

“The manager in our example only shares the minimum of information with her staff”

Communication is the main issue. When teaching her staff she omits lots of detail. Because of this they make lot’s of mistakes. Once the mistakes are made, she’s then able to firmly place the blame on others and announce to herself: this is happening because all men are idiots. The manager is simply fulfilling a belief – that becomes fact – through her inability to objectively see what she’s doing.

A Simple Thinking Tool

The simple thinking tool of asking ourselves: how am I creating this problem? is powerful in several ways. Firstly, when we see the faulty generalisation of our beliefs, and how we’re fulfilling them, we’re then able to change. Secondly, and potentially the most difficult element to this, is we’re able to take ownership of the problem. It is us that creates our own difficulties. Even though this is the case, if we’ve reached the limit of our resources, change is impossible. Our manager is unable to change until she’s able to see her behaviour objectively. This is where development courses come into play.

Once the manager in our example is made aware of the error in her thinking – so she may improve her communication skills – her business will begin to thrive. Her staff will be happier, feeling increasingly competent in their duties, and she will begin to feel less stress and confusion.

Our Personal Development Weekend Courses are beliefs and relationships focused for very good reason. The valuable life-skills-resource of improved thinking turns dreams into reality. In addition to this, improving how we think, removes the negative emotions that keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns.

To book your place on one of our courses complete the form here.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

The Time Machine of Opportunity

Time Travel Memories


The ladders clattered as he plonked them down on the roof rack. So they wouldn’t slide off when he pulled away he automatically attached the bungee cord around them. That only had to happened once before for him to learn the importance of strapping things down. It was now something he did without giving much thought. His mind was on the day ahead: how many houses there were on his round today. How many windows to clean? Not too many, but enough to help with the rent, and buy some food later.

Life seemed okay. He was glad to have finally gotten away from his parents house. They’d recently moved into council accommodation on the other side of town. That brought problems of its own, what with coming from a middle class background, and then being thrown over onto the dark side of a council estate.

Glue sniffers on one side and milk thieves on the other. His mother hadn’t quite caught up with the fact they now lived on a shit-hole estate. For example, if you were naive enough to have milk delivered – as had been the case on the ‘better’ side of town – the neighbours simply got up before you, and stole it off the step. Really mother!? The final straw for him had been when some bastard had slashed all four of the new tyres he’d just had fitted to his car. What the fuck?

He’d changed the car since. He now drove a white Austin Maxi, not exactly much street cred in that, but he’d never really been overly bothered about that kind of thing; at least not when it came to cars that is. Besides, little did the boy racers know, it was actually the twin carb version; surprisingly quick off the mark. Yes things weren’t looking too bad; his little business was doing okay. This year he’d gained a few more customers; he’d also painted the exterior of four houses during the summer months. He could be proud, should be, but never quite was.  

His mind still on the day head, he turned around to fetch a few final things from the flat; water for his bucket essentially, it was then that he saw her.

She was rounding the corner of his street with an expectant smile on her face. His girlfriend, or, as he’d come to think of her recently, ex girlfriend. A week prior they’d had a row and gone their separate ways; at least that’s what he thought, and yet in an instant, all that had seemingly changed.

The row had started because his girlfriend’s mother disapproved of him; had even gone to the trouble of calling his mother to let her know: “My daughter could have had anyone but she chose your son!” slamming the phone down before his mother had chance to say anything. Hindsight had taught him a useful response: “Yes, and isn’t she lucky to have him.” Too late for that now? No, actually.

It was seeing her smile through the tears and feeling her neediness, and his emptiness, that caused him to take her in. She said she didn’t care what her parents thought. Said she loved him. It would prove to be one of the defining moments of his life.


We all have memories of events from the past, that seem more prevalent, than others; memories that seem to pop into our awareness more frequently than others. Certainly in quieter moments of reminiscence – especially for clients during analysis – certain memories can surface with powerful clarity.

When we take a moment, to ponder on why these memories are the most powerful, we easily see their emotional content. It’s the emotional content that make our memories lasting. Happy or sad, angry or confused, emotion is the key.

The snippet of memory (often that’s all there is) relayed above, is significant, in its detail. For two people to be brought together through neediness, and the disapproval of parents, was potentially always going to be a recipe for disaster. Of course they believed they were in love, and to a great extent, they were. The only problem being, there was a slight imbalance in what that love was and meant, to each individual within the relationship.

As is now understood, in order to feel loved the young woman needed caring for as if she were still a child, and the young man needed to do the caring. There was no understanding of the empowering nature of mature love, or how this needed to be a reciprocal, for their relationship to have gone the distance.

No matter how long this memory is looked at though, the relationship was always destined to fail. Even if the young man’s girlfriend had attempted to empower him in return, it would have been rejected, or simply not understood. A woman empowering a man was not something he’d ever experienced, as such – and certainly not at that stage of his life – he would have never been able to acknowledge or accept it.

“Parents must exhibit empowering behaviour between each other for children to comprehend what a grown version of love is”

If we’ve never witnessed something, how will we ever learn, and know it. It’s the same with anything: when we see, hear and feel something, we have a far greater chance of it sticking. If we’ve experienced none of those things we remain in the dark.

Modelling behaviour is something we all do. When the model isn’t there to begin with, we blindly fumble our way through relationship after relationship, hoping to learn from our mistakes. A very painful method indeed. Fodder for the stories of dysfunctional relationships in soap operas no doubt. Painful and unnecessary.

Unnecessary, provided we take the time to learn a model of behaviour that speaks of grown love, and the importance of understanding what empowerment is. Not only that, but the importance of understanding and accepting the reciprocal nature of empowerment, is something we must grasp for our relationships to be both strong and lasting.

Powerful and evocative memories, that seem more prevalent than others, are there for clear reason. These memories are often pivotal moments in time and life. Moments where we’ve made decisions that a part of us (potentially a higher part) recognised as being very significant.

We make turns, changes and adjustments to our lives, based on the decisions we make. When we go back, and revisit prominent memories, we often see the alternative branches – of choice – we could have made. We see the consequences and effects of the moments we lived through with less experience than we have now. When we do this, we open up additional branches of opportunity, that are the consequence of hindsight. 

“Through memories we become time travellers that can correct future mistakes, through the clarity of seeing their significance, in the past”

Be aware of the significance of prominent memories, they may well have been turning points, in your life. Your mind may be saying: “See this and don’t do it again.” Did you make the correct choice before? Could you have done things better? Could your children learn something – improved on – from your own childhood?

Our Workshop Manual is the correction of future mistakes through having visited them in the past. 

The Company of Friends

The Company of Friends

“His name is Kelly, a young warrior for sure”

He’s sixteen, more mobile now he owns a moped. His girlfriend is called Vanessa, certainly a beautiful butterfly, in his eyes that is; he loves her dearly.

It’s mainly bravado with Kelly, but isn’t that how it is for most sixteen year olds. They know it all, and we know how much we don’t. He jumps right in and calls me ‘big fella.’

“And how are you this morning big fella?” he’ll say.

Kelly complains about his stepfather, who tells him not to spend his money, but to save for a bigger motorcycle instead. I asked him:

‘So what’s so wrong with that?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me” Stepfathers have their uses.

Kelly tells me he wants to pass his driving test and buy a car, “better job prospects” and all that. I read between the lines, of how a girlfriend he loves so dearly, feels about the whole affair.

The stepfather is quite canny because he knows Kelly won’t be told right out. He won’t be told:

“Stop spending your money on that little girl who has none of her own, it’s not your responsibility, her happiness you know.”

He’s sixteen and romantic you see, although there’s being romantic and there’s being foolhardy. Closely related perhaps.

On one level, it may well be, stepfather knows the job young Kelly took on when he wasn’t around. Young Kelly the warrior. Um… yes, that job of keeping mummy happy. The one so many young boys, with only their mummy’s to care for, take on.

He sees it within his stepson; how he cares for young, and moody Vanessa.

“She seems a bit moody and sullen that girl” he’d say to Kelly’s mum. “Nah she’s just young” she replies.

“Young or not, it’s what she is: A player with the warriors emotions”

A warrior cannot fight the game of life for long, or to the best of his ability, when taking responsibility for the happiness of two. Vanessa must learn, or find out the hard way, because her boyfriend is now in The Company of Friends.

The Company of Friends is an organisation with a mission to enlighten. They’re clandestine, all seeing, and wise. They understand the importance of being self-assured, as our young warrior would seem. The truth of self-assured though, is to be self-aware, something you can be, no matter the age. We wonder what would happen if someone said to Vanessa: “The reason you’re grumpy is because it gets you attention, and nothing other than that, my dear.” Would she learn to be happy, to make herself that way?

“An example of where age, or time served, does not equate to experience”

Also, they’re very clever at spotting bravado; as the young warrior must display. Very clever at spotting the takers in life too. Those looking for an easy ride. Ultimately, there is no such thing, but people will feed their nonsense illusions, will they not?

There is no confusion. Love sets you free. Kelly is not in love, he’s just found someone new (now mother is taken care of) to absorb the belief in his role: to make others happy. An impossible task that will in time bring him to his knees.

Take responsibility for yourselves peeps, there is no one else going to do it for you, least not a child. Least not our warrior, who’s now, in The Company of Friends.  



When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends
Let them know me as the footprints that I left upon the sand
Let them laugh for all the laughter
Let them cry for laughter’s end
But when I die, let them judge me by my company of friends

When I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe
Let them raise a glass to consciousness
And not spill a drop for grief
Let the bubbles rise at midnight
Let their tongues get light as thieves
And when I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe

I believe in restless hunger
I believe in red balloons
I believe in private thunder
In the end I do believe

I believe in inspiration
I believe in lightning bugs
I believe in slow creation
In the end I do believe

I believe in ink on paper
I believe in lips on ears
I believe what’s shared is savored
In the end I do believe

I believe in work on Sundays
I believe in raising barns
I believe in wasting Mondays
In the end I do believe

I believe in intuition
I believe in being wrong
I believe in contradiction
In the end I do believe

I believe in living smitten
I believe all hearts will mend
I believe our book is written
By our company of friends

Copyright 2007. Words and music by Danny Schmidt.

The Ego, Fragile Ego

Understanding the Ego (a useful take)

Synergies of Passion

It will prove useful to fix your attention on this short post for a moment. If we’re to advance, it’s important we become aware, of what drives us. We must understand the usefulness of the ego and its limitations.

Our ego is what we are, or more specifically, what we believe we are. Put another way, the ego, is the vast collection of beliefs that form our sense of self. Reinforcing this sense of self is expressed when we talk of boosting ones ego.

So when we say: his ego needs a boost we’re referring to the minds need to bolster and reinforce the minds beliefs. The ego is responsible for our reality and the testing of this reality. Confirmation of beliefs is part of this process.

For example, let’s say you believe men treat you badly. In order for your ego to test this reality you may talk openly with friends about how badly boyfriends (past and present) have treated you. The subsequent reaction of your friends will often prove a boost to your ego. In addition to this, continued bad behaviour, of future boyfriends, acts as proof and sufficient testing of the your ego’s reality. The fact that your belief is erroneous, due to its generalised nature, (i.e not all men are arsholes) is of no interest to your ego, at all.

Now, as we can see, there are negative limitations to having an ego. It stands to reason, every negative has a positive, so when it comes to its usefulness we can easily sum this up: Without an ego we become a bit of a dullard.

Alternatively, people with big egos, are interesting people. A big ego is a facilitator to living a full life. All this testing and proving – the ego requires to constantly confirm its reality – drives individuals to constantly seek more. They’re seeking more of the feelings created when it receives confirmation of what it contains. We’re given a good feeling when ego receives confirmation of our reality.

“Confusion comes when this reality is a painful one”

On the one hand we have the ego’s need to confirm what it holds (beliefs) and yet on the other hand, we have the pain these beliefs may be creating. We obviously can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time (unless we’re amongst the growing band of sadists in the world) so ego, will often defer the good feelings associated with confirmation, until later. Playing the victim when out with friends is the time for that.

Now we have a rudimentary understanding, we’re empowered to make some small, yet powerful changes. Know, all and every belief you hold, is very precious to your ego. Your ego will look to grasp on to what you are. You are your beliefs and the ego’s job is to protect their integrity.

The way in which we’re now empowered is through awareness. Once we’re aware of the job of our ego, we’re aware of its limitations. Its limitations are its unceasing need to protect the integrity of our beliefs. 

What you believe, is not necessarily, true.

Personal Development Workshops introduce tools designed to help bypass, our often stubborn egos, and change our limiting beliefs.

The Currency of Love

“Of late, once again, I find myself stuck with negative feelings relating to my fellow man. At times it seems so hard to be positive and understanding of others.”

It’s when I feel this way that I know there needs to be some kind of internal change. My cynicism and revulsion perhaps has value in terms of me distancing myself from certain people, the only problem being, I tend to distance myself from everyone.

It’s the horrible generalisation – that all humans are egotistical takers – that’s damaging. Perhaps it’s when we have low self-esteem, and potentially slight depression, that we have such negative opinions of others, perhaps, in fact, we have a downer on ourselves.

Along with negative opinions we must be cautious of the current culture of over-analysing ourselves and others. We seem to be over thinking and over questioning our behaviours. From gender neutral child-rearing (the abuse of experimenting with another person’s life) to the size of our carbon footprint, we all seem to be getting a little bogged down with the detail.

“They say the devil is in the detail. Is it really? Confusion, over-thinking and over-analysis are only adding to our current distress.”

There can be no harm in just taking a step back and taking the time to understand the damage inflicted when our ego’s are out of control. The human will and the human ego are the reasons for so much beauty and also so much ugliness in the world. All we need do, is understand the simple roots, to so many of our problems, and we take out the confusion.

For example, there can be no harm in extracting good, tried and tested methods of child-rearing. Believe it or not mothers and fathers of the past did do some things right. Family units, where children felt secure, due to strong and powerful structure and effective boundaries, are not something we should question as being restrictive.

Building beautiful families (and indeed relationships – the root of a strong family) does in fact take a lot of effort. Is it the use of this effort and energy that so many of us are potentially looking to avoid? If it is, and we don’t want to devote ourselves to investing the necessary energy into building strong families, perhaps we should consider not having them at all.

“All we need is the ability to make this kind of decision by escaping our instinctive programming. There are other things we can do.”

Those of us who come from strong loving families tend to create the same in return. Those who come from strong loving families see the value in them. If we don’t know the value of creating strong relationships and families, we must either learn this, so as to give our children a powerful head-start in life, or simply give up on the idea.

Just never assume you’ll create a loving family if you’ve never experienced one. So if you go it alone, no harm done, enjoy your life and all that. You have permission to be free for God’s sake!

“Whether we like it or not, human children, with their developing ego and willpower, do need the kind of boundaries and structure we might find difficult to enforce.”

As parents we might find enforcing rules difficult through fear of falling out of our children’s favour. It’s a fallacy to think our children need to be our friends though. Enforcing structure and boundaries may at times feel uncomfortable, yet be rest assured, our children will feel more secure and loved as the result. In the long-term, we will reap the rewards – in society as a whole – when we once again embrace and understand the need for structure and boundaries when raising our children.

On recently reading the statistics, for the amount of young children referred to doctors for gender related issues, a little tremor of fear spread through my body: literally the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Children’s minds are simply not developed enough to be left to themselves to decide what sex they want to be. Nature is easily relied upon when we are unsure as parents: if your child has a penis it’s a boy, and if the alternative of a vagina, it’s a girl. Simple. We socialise our children as boys and girls to create a type of balanced structure within society.

“When we project our dislike, or biased opinions and beliefs of what it is to be a man or a woman, we mold our children into being what they become: a reflection of those same beliefs and biased opinions no matter what genitals they’re born with.”

Uncertainty and confusion comes with growing up, it’s up to us, as parents, to help our children remove confusion and uncertainty – and not through a surgeon’s knife and injected hormones – but through love of ourselves and the opposite sex. Things are becoming so horribly complicated.

This brings me onto the recent stories surrounding sexual harassment. If, as a woman, you were raised with the belief and expectation that you’re simply an object of man’s desire, and its then up to you to manipulate and use this desire, you are then complicit in any kind of abuse. If you’re frightened of not getting that next promotion or acting role (same distinction) and so sleep with the director through this fear, you are then complicit.

“On the other hand, if your mother taught you that you’re a free individual, who will naturally be desired by men – and yet gave you the knowledge of how to use this in a constructive, not submissive or negative way – then you’re simply playing the game of life.”

When playing the game, to the extent you open your legs, more fool you. A good slap to the face of any potential abuser will do more to gain respect, all you need, in this instance, is less fear and a little more courage. Good, loving and strong mothers, instill this into the minds of our daughters.

The currency of love is the most valuable of all. This currency equips our children with the tools that enable them to push aside their ego and allow their will to prevail. In other words, the next acting role or job, is something to be gained due to high self-esteem and a powerful will, awarded through love in childhood. Our ego can be blind to the damage we can cause ourselves through striving for greatness.

“We love our children through setting strong boundaries and effective structure so they may flourish in their adult lives.”

Yes add colour to their lives by allowing them to be children, yet the black and white, of yes or no, rather than maybe, is equally as important. The currency of love has far greater value than we realise, all we need do, is understand how to implement it.

So much rebellion, so many fighting what they see as conformity. Love can never be allowing our children to run riot. Love can never be allowing our children to try and raise themselves. Children must have the security of structure and boundaries so they may grow into adults that contribute to a society that considers the needs of all. Remaining as rebellious children and then having children of our own is perpetuating confusion and disorder.

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Some might say that none of this matters. They may well be right and yet those of us who remember (instead of choosing to forget) the pain and fear, that comes with insecurity, loneliness and the disorder broken families create, think that it does matter. It matters a lot. It matters to our children. A person is free to choose who they are and what they want in life provided they are free of confusion. We constantly witness the troubled lives of adults with childhoods devoid of structure, love, boundaries and the effective guidance from powerful role models. It starts with you.



“And so the bank of England needs to ‘take its foot of the accelerator’ and, in the not too distant future, raise interest rates. Phrases like ‘reckless household spending’ are current, and once again, we don’t wonder why. The controllers just increase interest rates to try and stem the epidemic.”

We never question whether or not our happiness is something well rooted or just superficial. We say things like: ‘Oh yes, even though the Greeks are a poorer nation than us, they live longer; must be something to do with their diet.’ Blind fools we are.

If we take the time to read books such as: Huxley’s Brave New world, or  Orwell’s Animal Farm, or Golding’s Lord of the Flies, we clearly see the warnings no one has bothered to take heed of. Do we think these authors wrote what they did simply to amuse themselves and make some money? Do we think the great philosophers of our past said what they did simply because they had nothing better to do?

To think of a romantic past for a moment, it used to be the case, that if you wanted a girl, you’d take her out on a date; you’d play the beautiful (if frustrating) dating game. Now all you need do is buy her a few drinks and once you’re both pissed enough sex is guaranteed. Before marriage, it’s not unusual for a girl to have had sex with five or even ten men. It is possible this is a naive estimate. 

Furthermore the TV projects the existence of such things as ‘Angry Sex’ and the papers devote double page spreads as to whether this is healthy or not. What can anger possibly have to do with sex? How could you ever want sex when angry? Perhaps a sadist could? I’m confused by this, have we all become sadists?

“We know sex has very little to do with love, yet, it is the most intimate sharing of the only thing we own. Surely time spent considering with whom, when and how this is done, is important?”

I once knew a man who considered himself a romantic. He met a beautiful girl, who seemed confident and kind natured. He dated her; wooed her and fell in love. Some months later, before they had sex, she demonstrated the courage (perhaps out of necessity) to tell him all about her previous, promiscuous nature, and the resultant chlamydia. He was devastated. The word chlamydia is derived from the Greek khlamus, khlamud- ‘cloak.’

“Confident girls with high self-esteem and high regard of themselves are rarely promiscuous. Promiscuity is the result of childhood abuse or using sex to validate oneself. The advice is: if you want to break from the past and find a good man, seek a healthy resolution to your abuse, build your self-esteem and never, never fuck about.”

Are ‘old fashioned values’ of any benefit? It’s certain some will never find out.

The social order is disorder. We’re kept guilty and confused only to be calmed with drugs (yes alcohol is a drug and because we’re guilty and conditioned to drink we’re likely saying at this moment: ‘yeah fuck it, let’s get wankered!’).

There’s nothing wrong with glass of wine to accompany a meal, however, only those conditioned with the belief: wine is something to be savoured and not quaffed, are able to drink sensibly. What with wine, and drink generally, being considered an ‘acquired taste,’ we can know that to the ‘untrained’ palate, it will always taste horrible. First impressions and all that. Stick with something long enough and you’ll get used to it regardless of whether it’s love or just bad habit.

“When it comes to hope, well, we can hope to learn something from the Greeks and their love of: family, food, socialising, each other and life in general, and yet it would seem that this hope, is only meant for the few, not the many.”

Think of this story. Whilst travelling from Athens to London one of the Greek passengers (one of a group) fell ill. Such a fuss was made over the unfortunate lady that a doctor was found, oxygen administered, water dribbled, seats given up, the potential of a flight diverted, and it seemed all pandemonium was let loose. In the end she was fine, and to the tutting English people – who failed to understand – thankfully their flight wasn’t diverted.    

It’s a certainty that what comes with age, if we’re lucky, is a little more wisdom. And the irony of the common retrospection of: ‘Oh, if only I’d known then, what I know now.’ How sad that we seem so insistent on maintaining our ignorance, by ignoring the wisdom of our elders. Time for change? I doubt it.

Get Yourself on Stage


Stepping out into the unknown is something we may be nervous or anxious about. A certain amount of nerves is inevitable when under pressure. We may be nervous about an exam or test for example. Perhaps you’re about to perform on stage and you’re experiencing slight stage nerves. Perhaps it goes beyond nerves, and you feel absolutely terrified, and yet we get through it, don’t we?  After the first few words on stage, or bars of music in a piece, or those first few questions in an exam, we overcome our nerves.

So what purpose does anxiety serve? It could be said, anxiety is the means the mind uses to focus itself. When we’re experiencing anxiety, and the stress this creates, the mind is very focused on the task in hand. This focusing, through anxiety, is the fear that we may fail at the task. Does the fear of failure (anxiety) actually help or hinder us?

Perhaps, in terms of it being beneficial, anxiety gives us the advantage of showing others our humility. When others see us as nervous, they want us to do well, and they understand our need; others understand that we’re nervous about failing at doing our best. Once we realise this, we’re then often free of our nerves, and we relax into whatever the task may be.

“What about those times when we’ve allowed our anxiety to get the better of us? When this is the case we freeze. When frozen our fear has moved to another level and we can call this level: ‘Stage Fright.’ Stage fright is very different to just a few first night nerves.”

Why not take this further and begin to view the whole of life as a stage? When we do this it opens up some rather interesting angles. That first job, first date, or perhaps that first big change we need to make, are the types of events – during this self-directed play called ‘life’ – that induce a certain level of stress. Now however, with our understanding of the power of focusing, we can see this stress as useful. We can now give this its proper description: Eustress (beneficial stress).

“During the times we’re experiencing eustress we’re focused, and due to the reasons mentioned, our slight fear helps us perform well.”

“It’s when we experience stage fright that we fail. We fail simply because we don’t act. We fail to actually do the thing.”

“Many of us experience stage fright during our play of life, and rather than recognising it as such, we simply ignore it. Instead of going on stage, and acting out our lives to the fullest, we stay in the wings.”

It’s comfortable here in the wings though, isn’t it? We can just watch the show unfold. We don’t need all those people looking at us, laughing at us, approving of us, disapproving of us, judging us, loving us, hating us, do we? No of course we don’t, we can stay safely in the wings and just watch, that way, we never need to experience the potential of anything?

“Hold on though, there is one rule we’re forgetting: if we don’t feel the fear we’re never going to feel the love, and love, is the most powerful drug in the world.”

To go further, I’m going to set one important example: Relationships. Is it possible to be in a relationship where both of you are happy being observers? Before answering that question, bear in mind, ‘happy,’ in this instance, may simply be the feeling we have when we’re free of fear. Here’s another question: Is it possible for just one of you to stay in the wings whilst the other preforms to their fullest? Somehow, I doubt this will ever work in the long term. Remember: the reality is, we’re talking about, life here.

“If it’s time for a relationship to end, it may well be, that it’s our first experience of an ending. As many understand, through experience, it is possible to fear endings as much as we fear beginnings, especially when this is likely to lead to the advent of stage nerves.”

Take yourself out of the wings, get on stage, get over the fear and act out your life to the fullest, NOW…


The Bookshop Bitch (a story shared)


Imagine the scenario: You’re a middle aged woman, you’ve had numerous disappointments in your life – mostly they’ve revolved around men. To you, men are unpleasant beings, that have been a constant disappointment to you all your life.

Your father wasn’t much of a man; he mistreated your mother. To add to this, all you’ve experienced, throughout the whole of your life, is more of the same. You’re friends think you’ve become neurotic and bitter; they see how your relationships have turned you into someone becoming increasingly cantankerous and defensive.

To earn your salt you manage a bookshop. It’s independent, quite new in the high street, and space on your shelves is at a premium. You’re at home here; this is your domain and you feel in charge. Whilst stood behind the counter, nothing and no one, can touch you.

Now, one quiet afternoon, a man walks in, holding a book. He seems genial enough, he smiles and introduces himself. You’re standing behind the counter with your young female assistant, who is also greeted in the same way, the man asks:

“Are you an independent bookshop?”

Your assistant takes up the initiative and answers: “Oh yes, in fact we’re one of three.”

“Oh okay, only I called in today to ask if you sell self-published books?  – On a sale or return basis that is, I offer 40% commission” Confirms the man.

“Well we do, however the owner has told us not to take any self-published books until after Christmas” states your assistant.

During this exchange you’re eyeing up this strange visitor trying to work him out; you’re curiosity is getting the better of you, and your beginning to wonder what kind of book he’s selling.

Once again your assistant takes up the initiative: “You could always leave a copy and I could show it the owner.” she says.

“Yeah sure, that would be lovely, I could call back in a week or so. The contact details in the appendix are current” On this, the man hands you his book.

You look at it and notice the names on the cover, you state: “So you’re Philip are you?”

Yes that’s right, the book’s self help, all about relationships, how to get the most from them, that kind of thing, take a look, see what you think. It’s a lost leader really as my long term intention is to run workshops; Partnership Workshops” asserts the man.

You have of course by now taken a dislike to this man, and so just before he leaves, having now thanked you for your time, you say: “we’ll leave it for now.” A parting shot to the back of his head. A ‘fuck you’ to the man who knows, he knows nothing.



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We can only wonder if either of these people have chosen to take a look at Philips work. I suspect the younger of them has, or soon will, as she sounded much more genial and open. Having said this, it is wise to remember, all visitors to the store in question are just as likely to transfer negative beliefs and prejudice onto the shop assistants, as they are likely to transfer them onto the customers. On balance though, it is fair to say we humans are often able to pick up on unconscious communication – simply through a person’s attitude – as to whether someone has taken to us or not.

“It’s worth remembering that during every exchange with another human being, this is exactly what we all do, all of the time: make assumptions. Very few people actually know anything about the friend who relayed this story to me.”

In fact, when it comes down to it, very few people take any real interest in others and know much about them at all. We’re often locked into our own script simply waiting for our cue to begin talking about ourselves. If we do take the time to truly listen, to the stories of others, (I know only a few who do this) we might learn some interesting things. A book for example, may well be the result of a journey through a life filled with pleasure and pain; joy and sadness.

“It never ceases to surprise how our intentions may be kind and loving and yet construed as malicious, devious or scheming. How wrong we can be.”

On the one hand we have a bitter middle aged lady, who has a history of abusive, broken relationships; she’s unlikely to offer any kindness to the author of a self-help book: A book about the very thing that has caused her so much pain. She might have been thinking: How dare this man claim to know my pain. And she would think this because she knows nothing of his. She is blind to the pain of others.

And then on the other hand, we have the young assistant – who may even have a close affinity with her work colleague – yet still be open to change. She has youth on her side; hence the warmer attitude.

“The long and the short of it is, when meeting someone new, we must work hard to stop the assumptions from forming in our minds.”

As such, if you should ever meet a strange man in a bookshop – or workshop for that matter – who then hands you a book, be cautious not to simply dismiss it as another self-published vanity book. One of its pages may offer you a small, yet beautiful insight, into how to make the best of something important: Your life.

You’ll never know until you look.


The Selling a Car Childcare Analogy

Once our children are grown, who would you like them to meet, fall in love with, marry and potentially have children with? Would this be someone loving, caring and compassionate, who has the potential to be a good father, or mother? Of course it would.

With this said, it may seem obvious, (but not always) that in order to meet these expectations, you will need to instill certain conditions into the minds of our children. This is done mainly through example, however, if setting good example is hard for us (quite often, we are flawed humans after all) then following this simple analogy, will prove helpful.

The Model T (1906)

Rules for Selling a Used Car

  • 1, Always ensure your car is clean on both the inside and out. When we talk of clean we mean sanitised.
  • 2, Ensure all defective/worn parts have been replaced and everything works as it should. It really isn’t acceptable to place a used car onto the open market with faulty components and this is regardless of the asking price. Any buttons pressed on the dashboard or doors should respond in the appropriate way. If you operated the drivers side electric window for example, and the response was slow and laboured, this could cause unnecessary frustration.
  • 3, All paperwork should be clean and well presented ideally in a folder specifically for the purpose. When we have clear indication, that a car has been well maintained and loved, we will have no hesitation in buying. Signs of neglect will put off prospective buyers who are conscious of the importance of respect. In addition to this, those who ignore neglect (low standards themselves), are certain to also be neglectful drivers.
  • 4, In terms of advertising know your market place. You’ll simply fail to attract the correct people, if all you’re prepared to do, is place scraps of paper inside a car, parked on the street corner.
  • 5, Ensure your advertising blurb is accurate. For example, stating a car has been ‘garaged all it’s life’ when it clearly hasn’t, is not acceptable. If you’ve neglected your car, tell people, it does no good lying. Once the decision has been made, and your car is ready for sale, telling the truth is always favourable; prospective buyers will know where they stand.
  • 6, Buyer beware is a common adage, however, following the above guidelines, ensure the issue of trust, is redundant. Trust is an illusion, as such, no one needs to trust, the car is ‘as advertised,’ if your integrity – as the cars custodian – is in the correct place. Once we eliminate trust, through improving our own integrity, the world will be a better place.
  • 7, A golden rule: PUT SOME GOOD FUEL IN IT. This is to include petrol and oil.

Believe it or not, you can actually make the world a better place, by selling a good, clean and well maintained, used car. א


Self-Esteem Building & Escaping The Past

“In my dream I’m riding a bike, it’s not any ordinary bike though, no, it’s got this strange canvas canopy built over the top. The frame of this canopy is made of a very light material, carbon fibre or aluminium. At first in the dream I’m thinking that it’s there, this canopy, to keep the rain off, but when I start to pedal I begin to take off, I begin to fly.”

We could think of the canopy as being our self-esteem. Yes, it keeps the weather off, yet it also enables us to fly. We fly provided we put in the required effort; in order to build up enough speed to get airborne, some hard pedalling is needed.

What exactly is this hard pedalling? Well beautiful reader, the hard pedalling represents the effort we must exert, in order to change our conditioned brain. Our conditioned brain, is the part of us that keeps our self-esteem, firmly on the ground. We prefer not to change, we prefer not to move on, and this is all due to the conditioning from those who’ve kept us on the ground, and of course, our own reluctance to make a shift. To make a change, and shift our lives into another gear, takes effort.

“For some it takes no effort at all: they simply decide what they want and where they need to be in the short term, or even the distant future, and they change. Simple.”

Yet for others, there’s this need to remain static, to remain comfortable with the status quo undisturbed. For these people the self-esteem canopy never gets enough wind beneath it, to lift them to those greater heights. Unimaginable heights, and that, is part of the problem.

An Infectious Disease

The human animal hunts the weak or vulnerable, this includes its own. We know there are those who use and abuse. We also know about the paedophiles, the rapists and the murderers; the extremists who value hate more than life itself; we know all about them. We must see them as part of human nature that we’re constantly looking to eradicate. The dilemma is, this kind of sickness, is infectious.

Infectious to the degree that we protect the abusers. We spend time with those who keep us stuck; those we feel some kind of allegiance to; some kind of responsibility or duty. Often, it’s family, we feel this kind of obligation toward. We stay close to those who keep our canopy of self-esteem from lifting us off the ground. We’re always pedalling uphill.

“How is it we’re unable to value ourselves sufficiently in order to break these destructive bonds? We’re unable because of conditioning and guilt.”

So how do we break from the past and its abusers? Well, quite simply, we just make a decision – empowered because we now feel informed. Now you know the truth, of why you’re not achieving, there’s no escaping it now.

Each time we defend our current position, we pedal a little harder. Each time we repeat old patterns, we pedal a little harder. All this pedalling is wearing us out. We catch colds, develop aches and pains; we become incapacitated. Our canopy of self-esteem is collapsing. The chain is beginning to rust. The air in our tyres is escaping. It’s all becoming too much.

But hope lies within; there’s a little glimmer of light. Part of you really knows, and is building the courage to push, just so you can reach the crest of that next hill, up there on the far horizon! The difference is the accepting. The accepting of the human condition. Your self-esteem canopy will fill with air; you will weep with the effort it takes. The effort it takes to understand this dreaded disease the lies dormant within us all. The hunting-disease we carry; the desire to prey on the weak and the vulnerable, so they become stuck too.

Distance yourself from the limitations of the past. You will achieve greatness you never dreamed possible. Contact Us.

Ahhhhhhh… got me again!

It’s a nice summers day, I’ve been walking, minding my own business; feeling good; feeling calm. In the park nearby there’s a busker playing Spanish guitar. I listen for awhile; he’s very good. A few minutes later I decide to make my way home, when who should happen along, but someone I know through another friend: The queen of humiliation.

‘Hello Jilly’ I say

“Oh hello how are you?”

‘I’m very well thank you, and you?’

“Oh fine, fine. Have you been listening to the Spanish Guitarist?”

‘Yes, he’s very good isn’t he’

“Good, only one of the sixth best in the world!” she exclaims with a chuckle.


“On the surface you might see that little snippet of conversation to be a fairly harmless exchange, on the surface, it is, unless you know Jilly that is.”

You see, the lady in question, has this very annoying habit of making you feel stupid, and she’s very, very good at it. So adept, at making sensitive men feel like arsholes is she, that I’m sure many actively avoid her. Some women get a buzz from humiliating men and I’ve met a few of them. So lacking in confidence, with so little love in their lives, are they, that this gives them a sense of superiority.

These people are transparent to the rest of us when we realise that humiliation will be something they lived through during childhood. In Jilly’s case, either from witnessing father humiliate mother, from being humiliated herself, or, as is more likely the case, both instances. 

It really shouldn’t matter that this woman can do this to me: get under my skin in this way. It really, really shouldn’t matter, but for some strange reason, it does. Within me there’s obviously some need to look in charge, to be in control, to be an all knowing, all seeing man about town. Impossible of course, yet we men, do need to feel this way and mostly, kind women, humour us. They certainly don’t look to humiliate us.

Jilly exposes this weakness. She metaphorically rips my head off and spits down my fucking neck. And not just once, no, every time I meet her there’s the same outcome. What a defence mechanism, genius, she’s pure genius. Was pure genius I should say. Past tense, because no one will be seeing Jilly again, and she’ll definitely no longer be getting under my skin. She’ll not be getting under anyone’s skin for that matter. You see, I’ve murdered her. Yep, bashed her silly fucking brains in with a hammer.

“No, not really. I jest. Even though I’ve not killed her, it is clear to me now, I’ll not be seeing Jilly again. I’ll be actively avoiding her from now on, and so, to me, she is dead.”

You might think this a little drastic (slightly less so than murder) however, I’ve taken this decision, because my wellbeing: the health of my mood and my mind, is so important to me now, that I’ll no longer be putting up with the bastards trying to get me down.

It’s not been difficult to work out why Jilly’s this way. Not difficult at all. In fact, she’s fucking transparent, but the thing is, I don’t care. I no longer care that she’s been damaged. I don’t care that she’s lonely. I. Don’t. Fucking. Care. My psyche is the most important aspect here.


People will constantly look to throw stones into the calm pool of our minds; if we let them, that is. This is their point. My whole intention, whenever I meet someone, Jilly included, is to just have a gentle and meaningless interaction with them, that goes no further than ‘how are you?’ and ‘isn’t it a beautiful day?’ Any further than this and we’re generally into game play. I’m bored of the games.

It’s easy to understand why the English only ever talk about the weather, any further on from this, and they’re trying to fuck with each others minds. Such ugly and unnecessary game play. Just leave me be, and all is well.


He is a very good Spanish Guitarist, but sixth in the world, and still busking. Fuck, there really isn’t any hope for us, is there? Or was it all total bollocks invented just for the gameplay? It must be accepted, sometimes even love, isn’t enough. Nice weather we’re having though.


Floating on a Cloud of Loveliness

“It’s true to say, we really do create our own world. When all is well in our internal world all is well out there too.”

Cut out all the negativity, gain healthy perspective, find stability and balance, focus on ourselves; what makes us happy, and we’ve cracked it. Life just couldn’t get any more rosy, so beautiful in fact, we feel like we’re floating on a cloud of loveliness.

The main problem with this, is there’s often that gnawing, nagging feeling, that the reality for many, is far removed from our own little world of loveliness. Empathy, for the suffering of others, often gets in the way of our perfect little world. Perhaps if we were blind and deaf we’d have a better chance of cutting out all the horrors of the world. Then again, blindness and deafness would carry its own level of suffering, for the afflicted, would it not?

And with that said, we seem to think it’s okay to keep a child alive who can’t breath or swallow, or do pretty much anything for itself really. Or is that perhaps the whole point: to keep a defenceless lump of flesh, totally dependent on us, its entire life. A bit like keeping a pet, is it not? Do we not think there’s any level of suffering when we stuff tubes up the noses and down the throats of babies? Humans have kept other humans as slaves, for their whim and self-centered purposes, for thousands of years. Seems we’ve not understood that yet.

Now hold on though, let’s get back to that perfect little world, floating on a cloud of loveliness, let’s put aside our empathy and ability to wonder about all the inequality there is in the world. We can for a while, until someone throws acid in our face, that is. Then we wonder what the point is. We wonder why we strive to make things better for ourselves and others, when a damaged child thinks he can gain satisfaction for his wants, by throwing acid in someone’s face.

“So full of rage and hatred is he – as a consequence of his upbringing – that he can destroy someone’s life in such a way, in the time it takes to click finger and thumb; over.”

Worse than murder, and we don’t know how to punish them, or put it right, do we? Although, we do know, don’t we? If we really put our minds to it, we can see the subsection of society, that never learned the lessons of empathy; of responsibility, and how to change from a child to an adult. We can see it clearly. What are we to do about it? Carry on regardless and place ourselves back on the floaty cloud of loveliness?

Perhaps what we lack is strong leaders we can believe in. Leaders who know that keeping a terminally sick human alive is causing such vile, detestable suffering, that it has absolutely nothing to do with love and everything to do with fear. Leaders who see the ignorance we’re trapped within. Leaders who see the ground we yet need to cover so we can better get along. Leaders who love.

Leaders who love understand the human animal and his mind.

To reach the top of the food chain, wipe-out so much wildlife – because we need the space, the food or both – to conquer so much, in so many ways, takes an extraordinary lifeform. Good or bad, it’s what humans have done, and this may only be a process, after all, we do live in a very violent, if beautiful, universe.

Are we not just a product of this violence? Of course we are. That doesn’t mean we can’t evolve to become better, more loving and greater then the sum total of our parts though, does it? All it takes is an awareness that we refuse to simply ignore. We can keep one eye on our own little world, whilst keeping the other, on the quality of life for others. It’s awareness that enlightens.

“It’s okay to be aware of the nature of the human animal. Aware of how fear keeps us trapped. The subsection of society, that seems unable to think beyond the trap of their self-perpetuating ignorance, needs to be taken out of the shadows.”

It’s simply no good thinking we can punish them out of ignorance, only education can do this. For example, the acid throwing child in north east London this week. What happened to this child for him to become so full of rage and hatred; to have such disregard for fellow man? Was it the type of education he received that did the damage, he then passed on to another, through a bottle of acid? Was it an education – of how to remain ignorant and fearful, believing in lack; believing life is about taking, never giving back – that damaged him? What say we start to educate our children to believe they’re already full? What say we educate our children in love?

We can, through example, example, example. Show the child how to live a beautiful life and he will strive for this himself. Show the child a loving, stable, family environment, and he will strive to emulate this himself. When will we see: children really need nothing more.

The Best Part of Your Life (that no one can tell you about)

“Childhood, plain and simple. Or should I say: Childhood ‘ought’ to be the best part of your life.”

Play Time

Are children being robbed of their childhood? Our young are being so wrapped-up with achieving. The privileged and the underprivileged have the same dilemma.  The privileged obviously have a greater chance of achieving, albeit with the mental issues associated with placing too higher demands on a child. The underprivileged are also wrapped-up with achieving, yet simply due to their status and given opportunities in life, fail, only to sink deeper and further into the abyss of drug taking and antisocial behaviour.

Also we have the issue of parenting. We all know the pressure society places on us as parents, and we all know the difficulties we face, however, if we just let go a little, and stopped trying so hard, we could award our children with an improved, freer childhood.

The pressure, for youngsters to achieve, is so high now, that increasing numbers of our teenagers are living with mental health problems, and their general wellbeing is on the slide. Self harm, drugs (prescription or otherwise) and labels of conditions – that seem to excuse the causes – are so commonly used, that we no longer know whether we’re coming or going. Confusion presides.

My own childhood was plagued by mental illness. From the arguments and unbalanced, manic-depressive behaviour of my parents, to full blown breakdown of a sibling. When asked what I believe the cause of all this was – during a seminar many years later – I simply responded by saying: ‘There was too much fear in my childhood and not enough love.’ Too simple for many to cope with.

There is a phrase:

“Teach a child to achieve and they’ll never be contented, teach a child contentment, and they’ll achieve anything.”

To me, this is such a beautiful truism that I believe if we followed its advice, we’d go a long way to giving our children their childhood back. The key is contented and harmonious relationships, and not just with those around us, within ourselves too. We must have harmony and contentment within our minds, in order for us to reach it, for our children.

One Weekend – Two, A Better Life

Tools to Help Navigate the Choppy Waters of Life

When the only outcome – to an improved understanding of yourself, life and love – is a better life, what exactly do you have to lose from attending educational workshops? How is it so many of us shy away from greater understandings of the kind of things we’d learn, when we know deep inside, we will only benefit?

Potentially, this comes down to how painful our lives have become, (and therefore forced into change) or it may well depend on how much we value ourselves, and our relationships. If we have little value for ourselves and others we’ll see little point in seeking change. Perhaps we’re settling for okay or average, and feel that because we’re coping, there’s no need for change. We may lack the expectation (belief) that making some small, yet significant changes to our thinking – in terms of love, ourselves and life in general – is likely to welcome in some very different and positive experiences of life.

The decisions we make in life are very much based on what we believe. We also make decisions based on whether the outcome is likely to be a pleasurable experience or a painful one. If we believe change is likely to involve emotional pain, or high degrees of hassle, we’ll undoubtedly avoid it, however, believing change is a positive and necessary part of life, means we’ll welcome in those different experiences already mentioned.

Education can be fun. Some level of emotional involvement is important, if, as students, we’re to learn and absorb the lessons given. The greater the emotional input the greater the impact. If we lack belief or feel half-hearted about education, or change for that matter, it’s unlikely we’ll be the sort of person inclined towards a positive, and joyful outlook on life. Even the lack of belief and our inclination towards life in general can be changed though, all we need, is the motivation to want this.

As much as I want to teach you and want joy and change for you, simply booking a place on one of my workshops, and then turning up, will be insufficient. I will need you to become emotionally involved in what you’re learning, and actively involved in adopting and building on the beliefs: life can improve, and change is beneficial, no matter the amount of imagined hassle or pain.

Thinking about how we think, and being mindful of how we fulfil our own difficulties, is part of the change process. The ability to recall and then act on the lessons learned, from any educational experience, will be dependent on how well these lessons have been rooted in our minds. Many of the lessons, beliefs and understanding, that create the problems we encounter during our lives, are deeply rooted, simply because of their emotional content. My intention is to countermand these emotionally rooted limitations.

With these things in mind, it’s a certain fact, that both teacher and students alike, have responsibilities to themselves and each other. If your intention is to carry this responsibility well, and to the best of your ability, I promise to do the same.

I look forward to seeing you very soon.

Andrew Freedman