One to One Attitude Unavailable

Attitude

We’ve come a long way since the days of ‘put-up-and-shut-up.’ This kind of attitude to life is no longer accepted by the majority. Humanity has, and is looking to solve many of the riddles and conundrums, to life. For example, why is it good people, always seem to get the shitty end of the stick? In answer to that, it’s not so much about good or bad that makes the difference, it’s about having a proper grip on the realities of life, that does. It’s also about understanding the influences of the past on the present.

“Most times, we do need to understand the importance of putting ones own needs, uppermost in our mind”

That last statement might go against the grain slightly. However, unless we realise the realities of life at the offset, we’ll likely be in for some nasty surprises. Awareness of the importance of Personal Responsibility places us in a position of power. Leaning on others, believing they’re thinking about us and our needs, might work in the short term. In the long term though, it always becomes apparent, that through our vulnerability, we’re only ever placing another person in a position of power over us.

Further to this, if we’re needy because of illness this illness only acts as confirmation of the belief: “I am powerless.” In actual fact, it might well be our powerlessness, that’s the root to our illness in the first place! It’s a chicken or the egg scenario. In which case, we might want to ask: “Where and when was my power taken from me?”

“It is human nature to lust for power, and if you’re unable to retain yours, it will effortlessly be taken from you”

The ego desires power, it lusts for it. Knowing and accepting this puts you in a position of control. No, not control over others, just control over yourself. Take mental illness for example. Much of the root cause of mental illness is the continued ignorance of the sufferer. Honest, useful and empowering information, is part of the cure. This is something I believe.

Attitude

For example, if depressed, it might not seem immediately useful and empowering to be asked: “So Johnny boy, how are you doing your depression exactly?” In the first instance you might want to punch that person in the face. Potentially, if just for a moment during the punching, you might well be cured of your depression. Who ever said boxing, or just a good old punch-up, didn’t have its uses?

On a more seriousness note

When our power is handed back, through someone actually telling us how it is, (yes depression is created by the person suffering with it because it’s buying them something) this is true empowerment. The tools for how we change depression, once we’ve accepted why and how we’re creating it, are another matter.

This is where the ‘put-up-and-shut-up’ attitude no longer lives. When approaching the professional nowadays, it’s very unlikely you’ll be told to just take an aspirin, and to then simply hope for the best. There are tools (rather than wretched drugs) at our disposal, that can help us to understand, how to stay well and clear of limiting conditions.

With this in mind we do all face a slight dilemma. When depressed, getting up and doing something about it, can feel like the equivalent to climbing a mountain. It’s a catch twenty two situation. We don’t want to feel the way we do, but don’t have the first clue, as to how we go about changing it.   

“Ultimately it comes down to choice. We either carry on living a half life or we decide to climb that mountain. It’s a decision”

Seeking the necessary information is a decision. Accepting that there’s some work ahead is also a decision. We must reach the point where we’re prepared to accept this reality: “it’s only me that can fix this.” Once accepted we’re able to get out there and find the information required.

Attitude of Information Seeking

Much of mental illness is often cured through the individual changing their attitude and viewpoints to life. Often there needs to be a shift in the kind of philosophies we believe and adhere to. Our expectations, and what we believe life should be, needs a good shake.

Let’s for a moment, imagine depression as being similar to a meal devoid of that all important, pinch of salt. Many depressed are this way, because they themselves are leaving the salt off, believing life (or someone else,) should have already put it there for them. It’s an attitude of entitlement. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

Unless we look and then bend down to pick up that container of salt from the bottom shelf, where we least expected to find it, we’ll continue to experience life as the bland meal we’re currently tasting.

One to One

I originally set out writing this post as a means of welcoming in one to one appointments. It’s clear to me now though, after sharing my thoughts, that this isn’t the way forward for me at all.

Moving forward often involves shedding the past. I’ve already served my apprenticeship – as a Personal Development Specialist – through the years I spent as an Analytical Hypnotherapist. Personal Development, as opposed to therapy, is partly about the power of group dynamics. Think of this: how is it possible to retain the mental illness of anxiety and depression, when surrounded by people, passionate about life?

“True empowerment comes as a result of finding the driving force behind it: LOVE”

If you’d like to experience me and the rest of The Freedman College Team, you will need to climb, this little mountain.

 

 

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

How do we gain this from each other? How do we get people to be attentive to our needs? Do we shout? Are we quiet? Both extremes can gain us attention can’t they? Perhaps we need controversy. Are we inclined to say provocative things? Are we antisocial, spiteful or mean?

Think of the extroverts, they’re certainly attention seekers. Wild dress, or no dress at all! It gets them what they seek. All in all, on one level or another, we’re all playing some kind of game in order to gain the attention of others. We all want to feel less alone. More attention equals less alone.

“What, on the other hand, if you shun this and want time alone?”

Over the years I’ve known plenty of people who’re extremely adept at getting people to reject them. The ways in which rejection is achieved are myriad, and far too complicated, for this particular post. It’s true to say though, being alone, isn’t actually something many people seek. The majority of us are looking for the opposite of alone.

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

And so attention seeking is the norm. To understand the methods we use to seek it, we only need take our minds back to childhood, for a moment. Indeed, in this respect, it could be said that’s all we continue to do throughout the majority of our lives: seek the attention of parents. What we are actually seeking is love. As touched on in previous posts, love, is something slightly lacking at this time.

“Has the balance between love and fear tipped toward the negative and become the overriding driver?”

An abundance of love, found from within ourselves, would potentially stop the constant need to seek the attention of others. Would the unconscious need to seek love and attention from parents, be less prevalent, if we’d received it in abundance, when young?

“Children, with attentive parents, are less likely to grow into adults who seek it in a negative fashion”

Attention seeking adults are currently creating havoc in the world today. We could say this has always been the case. We could even say, the numerous and atrocious activities of violent people from our past, were just the activities of the unconscious seeking approval and attention from neglectful parents.

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

How would things be, if the human mind and its concept of love, were better understood? If there existed an authoritative rule book on parenting – that parents or future parents felt obliged to follow – would there then be less unrest in the world today?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

One thing’s for sure, if we all stopped using such negative means, for gaining each others love, things would be a little quieter right now. How would it be if we all gained this through gently asking each other, about, each other? Would I have you then? It seems most want this through upset, anger, and controversy though don’t they?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

They want anger and upset to do the trick. They’d rather this, than any fascination we might hold for their loves, lives, passions, successes, and yes, even their failures. Why is this? What’s happened to the gentle humankind? What’s happened to the interest we used to show for each other? How is it we’ve become so locked up within ourselves?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

Would you like to tell me about yourself? What’s happening for you today? Can you believe in a genuine interest? Can you display the necessary confidence to be genuinely interested in another?

Reaching for Ideals

Ideal:

noun

  1. a conception of something in its perfection.
  2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
  3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception, or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.

Should we seek the ideal? Is being an idealist different to being a perfectionist? The English dictionary defines the idealist as this:

  • Someone who believes that very good things can be achieved often when this does not seem likely to others.

We’re told that perfectionism is a negative

We’re told that wanting perfection, and only settling for this, is something to be avoided. If we believe there’s no such thing as perfect, yet at the same time seek it, we’re certainly going to be wasting a lot of energy.

Alternatively, when we understand perfection – as simply an ideal to strive for – we’re able to achieve our best in any given moment of time. Our efforts may not have been perfect, yet we can be comfortable in the knowledge, we did our best. In this respect we must have a ‘benchmark’ to reach for. There must always be a gold standard.

So whether we like it or not, perfection, is always going to be something strived for. The perfect body, the perfect house, life, car, job, child, marriage, we could go on. The downside of this, will be the negative feelings we’re left with, when we inevitably fall short. We’ll feel frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled when we fail to reach perfection. Eventually we may give up altogether.

With this in mind, only reaching for the ideal, is the objective

Being the best we can be without achieving perfection is the plan. After all, to be perfect would leave us with nowhere else to go; a very dangerous situation indeed. And so in this respect, it’s very sensible for us to see perfection, as unachievable. Thankfully there will always be better to strive for. Seeing this for what it is, gives us room to work harder, even when we know we’ve done our very best.

It’s the knowledge that there is always more that keeps humans striving to move forward. We can always do better. There is always more. A very reassuring fact. This brings me on to the key understanding we must strive for.

At The Freedman College we believe it makes perfect sense for us to be striving for a better understanding of one key element in our lives.

“When we focus our attention on this one key element all other things are found”

If we come back to the examples given of what we seek perfection in for a moment (be it lives, bodies, marriages or houses), all of these things are easily achieved, when we have a clear understanding of this key element. Here it is: The Ideal of Love.

Once we cease – in our misunderstandings and misinterpretations of love – we will stop striving for an unachievable ideal. Because we’re confused about love, we don’t actually know, what we are in fact striving for. For example, we’re told that love is many things. The nonsense of this definition is the very thing causing confusion. If we don’t even know what it is, how can we strive to find it?

When young we often think we’re in love

We confuse the feelings we may have for someone as love. We may feel that we need someone, or that we feel lost without them; that we pander for them, or pine for their attention. We mistake lust and infatuation for love. We must make ourselves aware: Emotions of craving have nothing to do with love. Further to this, we mistake many aspects of fear, for love. We think because we fear losing them that we must love them. Fear of loss is fear of pain. Love is completely devoid of this.

We really only need ask ourselves one thing to know whether we’re in love or not. Here it is: Do I want to empower this person? The true emotion of love is something we’re awarded when we witness the freedom of our loved ones. Anything other than this will never be love and only a poor imitation and illusion of it. 

“To know if our version of love is reciprocal, all we need do, is turn the question around like this: Is this person empowering me?”  

At this stage be sure to have a clear understanding of the word empower. It is not empowerment to need a person and neither is it empowerment to give yourself up to another. Empowerment is when we’re able to lift a person to be a free individual standing on their own two feet who is the best version of themselves they can possibly be at that moment in time.

At the same time – as your empowerment of them – this power sets you free. The more people who have a clear understanding of this the better.

Here is the definition of an ideal love that we believe to be A Basic Human Right:

“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”

Create Beautiful Partnerships

Wholeness is a calm acceptance of this version of love and that of yourself as a near perfect example of a human being.

Strive for this ideal and all other things will come.

You Only Have What You Give

Consider the warnings on cigarette packaging. If you glance inside a well stocked tobacco products cabinet nowadays, it’s like viewing a scene from a poor horror movie, or paying a visit to a very distressing hospital ward or mortuary. The question is, does this put smokers off? It might have an impact on those who don’t smoke, yet those who already have the habit, aren’t likely to care. They already play the ‘lung cancer lottery’ and many seem happy to do so. The advice on cigarette packaging is largely ignored.

“In some ways this has a lot to do with how the advice is dispensed”

Scare tactics might work for some, at least for a while, yet during my time as a Hypnotherapist, it was positive reinforcement, of the benefits to ceasing smoking, that seemed to hit the mark. In my experience, all aversion therapy tends to do, is reinforce the guilt potentially driving the habit in the first place. With that in mind, what are the horrors – portrayed on tobacco product packaging – doing to the observer, at an unconscious level? Guilt is self-destructive.

“Getting rid of guilt is a tricky business”

It’s an emotion instilled into the mind of the average human from a very early age. If we advise parents to show caution, in how they teach the kids, we must do this through reinforcing the benefits to well considered methods. The guilt free tend to live happier, healthier lives after all. And so, when needing to set boundaries, do we reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad? Not really, no. What we must do, is find a way to help children realise the benefits to good behaviour, and the limitations of bad. If we shout: “stop that it’s naughty” we teach guilt. If we ignore the bad but gently say: “if you share your toys with Johnny he’ll play nicely with you” we’re more likely to be on a winner.

In an ideal world, the key, is to never instill guilt to begin with. When it comes to removing established guilt, far better to say: “You have nothing to fear as you seek a beautiful, healthy life, as a non-smoker.”

In addition to how advice is dispensed, the reason for why it’s so often ignored, often comes down to disbelief. We just don’t believe the way someone else does things, could be better, than the way we’ve been taught. Also, it’s the confident and self-assured, who’re better at acknowledging the usefulness of clever advice. Contrary to this if we have a fragile ego, combined with a lack of confidence, advice can be seen as an attack and threat to an already shaky sense of self. Our behaviour becomes our identity, and to question that, questions who we are? An instilled doubt many can’t cope with. Who are you exactly?

“If we say who you are is actually something quite different to what you’ve been taught to believe, we put in doubt those things we hold dear: our identity”

When the guilty, fully realise how guilt is a destructive control-rod over their lives, they often turn things around. Gentle advice comes from a voice of compassion and love as opposed to fear and control. If you’re in the business, of advising people how to live better lives, remember it’s the guilty who teach guilt in the first place.

“Removing our own guilt is done through advising in a guilt free manner”

To be whiter than white is impossible, we learn from our mistakes. However, how we feel about the things we’ve done, is a choice. We must question what purpose feeling guilty about past errors actually serves.

Sometimes it’s serves us well to have an awareness of the past before we can move forward. If all we do is lock away negative feelings they’ll drive us in negative ways. Briefly opening up those wounds, and moments of regret, reminds us of who taught us the guilt. Was it a parent from within your own mind? Be a better parent to yourself and reinforce the good. Gently closing the wound now, having removed the irritant, from under the skin.

Some advice is designed to free the person giving it. After all, we only have, what we give. Be free.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

Want to learn more? Contact Us     

children, love, award of love, pleasure, pain

A Game of Love

Games of Love

“Within our workbook we talk about games of fear and games of love”

It’s our belief (and dream) that if everyone woke up to the reality of these games, the world would be a very different place. How do you think things would be if we all woke to the reality of truth?

The truth is hard. It’s hard to read and it’s hard to accept. It’s this way for some very simple reasons, the main one being, that if we acknowledged truth, many of us would need to look very deeply at ourselves and change. We’d have to change from the patterns of thinking and ways of being, we currently understand, into something simple and less complicated.

“Because we’ve been taught that simple is incorrect, living a less complicated lifestyle, has become hard. We’ve also been taught to associate negative connotations with simple, such as boring, wasteful or new age”

The thing is, love is the simplest concept of all. When we take away all the clutter, fear and drama, we’ve all come to accept as normal, love becomes what it is: simple and beautiful.

Put in its most formal terms, games of fear are those games we play that are based on fear. We play them in an attempt to avoid loss, loneliness and taking personal responsibility for ourselves (becoming adult). Whereas games of love are those that are played to empower each other; such as leading good example and empowerment through teaching each other how to live well.

“Games of love are beautiful because they empower all participants, whereas a game of fear, only creates the illusion of love and empowers no one” 

When it comes to living well there are some individuals doing this making millions; it’s not just those manufacturing rubbish that get rich. Forget all the nonsense about wealth having nothing to do with love. We can earn plenty of money whilst empowering others.

Take the example of those industries manufacturing all the stuff that’s causing so much sickness in society: the sugary drinks, crisps, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol and so on. And now think about the individuals selling good lifestyle habits. They’re making just as much money. We know where we sit and surly sleep better at night.

“So love and money are connected yet it’s a choice in how we decide to make it”

We can earn money through empowering with love or through exploiting fear, it’s a choice we must make. In all probability it’s a little easier to make money selling things we believe help alleviate fear. This is certainly the case in a society conditioned to believe: consumption cures fear.

When sad, unhappy or in pain many are conditioned to turn to the junk food, followed by the sugary, energy drink or slice of cake, rather than going for a run. It might even seem counterintuitive to understand that the best cure for depression is change and exercise.

The truth may seem hard, because once acknowledged, we will need to apply ourselves. We humans do often go for the easiest options, especially when those who raised us, also believed in pacifying us with junk.

Good habits are formed when we’re shown good example. When we all show the example of loving each other through empowerment (rather than the quick fix of pleasure) we can be just as prosperous, and in the end, we’ll all be much, much healthier.

“Curing pain with pleasure is our reality”

If you feel sad or stressed and have been conditioned to believe alcohol, drugs or a chocolate bar is the answer, this is curing pain with pleasure. Believe it or not the true cure to changing pain, is not with pleasure, but with energy.

For example the energy needed for exercise changes pain. Physical activity is the empowerment of love never the chocolate bar; that’s teaching fear through curing pain with pleasure. We say this because it’s the parent, who fears their child’s pain, that provides the easy fix, rather than the effort of discipline leading to good example.

As adults, if your parents were confused and fearful, the trick is to become your own parent. Begin to teach the truth, of loves empowerment, by playing a game of love through setting yourself good example.

Getting wealthy might be harder when teaching truth and yet it’s those special individuals, who do this, that always leave the greatest legacy. What kind of legacy do you want to leave. Contacting You

Emptiness

Of late I’ve been concentrating on losing weight. This morning I weighed myself and feel happy to report I’m now under fourteen stone. Hurrah! Cycling up the hills around the administration home of The Freedman College, is at last, becoming easier.

“Also this morning I’ve realised something very important: eating sweet stuff has been filling a void and links very closely to a neglectful past”

Many of us will remember happy feelings associated with consuming sugary food and drink. It is well understood that due to this link, we often consume sugary foods in an attempt to alleviate stress, loneliness (emptiness) and unhappiness. Indeed, for a short time, it works.

Hopefully, once we realise the long term effects, and dangers of these effects, we wake and begin to change. The question now is: What happens to the stress, emptiness and unhappiness? It’s a good question, because for many, other coping mechanisms are never found, and you can guess the result. Yep, the weight is piled back on, plus a little more for good measure. A cyclic nightmare faced by thousands.

“Coping mechanisms are what the words would suggest: methods of coping that are never actually a long term fix. In time they always fail”  

There are a myriad of coping mechanisms. It’s when young that we’re generally taught how to use external stimuli in order to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Here in the west – in addition to food – we’ve grown used to enjoying possessions as a means of distracting ourselves from real feelings. We feel sad, and to feel slightly better about things, we go outside and look at our car, or house or whatever. It works for a short while.

With this in mind, the ideal is to find a way of resolving the conflict – of finding a physical cure for a metaphysical sickness – and remove the need for any kind of coping mechanism at all. Potentially, in order to start the process of not needing to simply cope, all we need, is the understanding of what we’re actually doing. Enlightenment if you like.

“It’s far better to deal with the roots of the issue so we can remove the need to just cope”

Knowledge and understanding are the weapons against all dis-ease. And so becoming aware of what we are in fact doing, and why we’re struggling with our addictions, empowers us with increased choices. There is one thing this knowledge can’t remove though: hunger.

The feelings associated with hunger are a little complicated. In the first place we’re using sugary food and drink as a coping mechanism, and so when we stop using them in this way, we have the original emptiness to deal with plus the feelings of hunger. A double whammy. In this instance we must associate a positive with hunger, here it is: Feelings of hunger tell us we’re losing weight! That is the positive. As far as dealing with them goes, we must endure. We must embrace the feelings. All of them.

“Sadness and emptiness (loneliness) can be difficult to deal with. Get to know what the emptiness is and how the sadness comes from that. We want something the sugary food satiates. What is that thing?”

For those who’ve never really experienced love – or have only experienced love coupled with complicated and confused messages – removing a coping mechanism, such as overeating, can be a real challenge.

Fluctuations in weight are the result of all this conflict. Many of use drink (or stronger drugs) and cigarettes as a means of filling the emptiness and helping with sadness. When we give those things up, food is often turned to. Especially if sweet things helped to distract the mind when a we were small children.

“All I can say to these people, myself included, is we must endure. We must learn about love and we must find more from life. They are actually very simple solutions once we face the truth”

The Sublime

There is something very powerful I can share with you now, and that is this simple truth: Those who’ve lacked any real and tangible love in their lives, find the ability to endure this, through giving it. That’s right. Love is empowerment and so when we understand how to empower others it all becomes an interesting paradox. The paradox is, those who missed their valuable lessons in love during childhood, actually become the exponents of love, who find it later in life, through teaching it now. Take some time to understand how to empower others and fill the empty void. It’s easier than you think. No coping mechanism now; all you need, is love.

The Time Machine of Opportunity

Time Travel Memories

 

The ladders clattered as he plonked them down on the roof rack. He automatically attached the bungee cord around them, so they wouldn’t slide off, when he pulled away later. That only had to happened once before for him to learn the importance of strapping things down. It was now something he did without giving much thought. His mind was on the day ahead: how many houses there were on his round today. How many windows to clean? Not too many, but enough to help with the rent, and buy some food later.

Life seemed okay. He was glad to have finally gotten away from his parents house. They’d recently moved into council accommodation on the other side of town. That brought problems of its own, what with coming from a middle class background, and then being thrown over onto the dark side of a council estate.

Glue sniffers on one side and milk thieves on the other. His mother hadn’t quite caught up with the fact they now lived on a shit-hole estate. For example, if you were naive enough to have milk delivered – as had been the case on the ‘better’ side of town – the neighbours simply got up before you, and stole it off the step. Really mother!? The final straw for him had been when some bastard had slashed all four of the new tyres he’d just had fitted to his car. What the fuck?

He’d changed the car since. He now drove a white Austin Maxi, not exactly much street cred in that, but he’d never really been overly bothered about that kind of thing; at least not when it came to cars that is. Besides, little did the boy racers know, it was actually the twin carb version; surprisingly quick off the mark. Yes things weren’t looking too bad; his little business was doing okay. This year he’d gained a few more customers; he’d also painted the exterior of four houses during the summer months. He could be proud, should be, but never quite was.  

His mind still on the day head, he turned around to fetch a few final things from the flat; water for his bucket essentially, it was then that he saw her.

She was rounding the corner of his street with an expectant smile on her face. His girlfriend, or, as he’d come to think of her recently, ex girlfriend. A week prior they’d had a row and gone their separate ways; at least that’s what he thought, and yet in an instant, all that had seemingly changed.

The row had started because his girlfriend’s mother disapproved of him; had even gone to the trouble of calling his mother to let her know: “My daughter could have had anyone but she chose your son!” slamming the phone down before his mother had chance to say anything. Hindsight had taught him a useful response: “Yes, and isn’t she lucky to have him.” Too late for that now? No, actually.

It was seeing her smile through the tears and feeling her neediness, and his emptiness, that caused him to take her in. She said she didn’t care what her parents thought. Said she loved him. It would prove to be one of the defining moments of his life.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

We all have memories of events from the past, that seem more prevalent, than others; memories that seem to pop into our awareness more frequently than others. Certainly in quieter moments of reminiscence – especially for clients during analysis – certain memories can surface with powerful clarity.

When we take a moment, to ponder on why these memories are the most powerful, we easily see their emotional content. It’s the emotional content that make our memories lasting. Happy or sad, angry or confused, emotion is the key.

The snippet of memory (often that’s all there is) relayed above, is significant, in its detail. For two people to be brought together through neediness, and the disapproval of parents, was potentially always going to be a recipe for disaster. Of course they believed they were in love, and to a great extent, they were. The only problem being, there was a slight imbalance in what that love was and meant, to each individual within the relationship.

As is now understood, in order to feel loved the young woman needed caring for as if she were still a child, and the young man needed to do the caring. There was no understanding of the empowering nature of mature love, or how this needed to be a reciprocal, for their relationship to have gone the distance.

No matter how long this memory is looked at though, the relationship was always destined to fail. Even if the young man’s girlfriend had attempted to empower him in return, it would have been rejected, or simply not understood. A woman empowering a man was not something he’d ever experienced, as such – and certainly not at that stage of his life – he would have never been able to acknowledge or accept it.

“Parents must exhibit empowering behaviour between each other for children to comprehend what a grown version of love is”

If we’ve never witnessed something, how will we ever learn, and know it. It’s the same with anything: when we see, hear and feel something, we have a far greater chance of it sticking. If we’ve experienced none of those things we remain in the dark.

Modelling behaviour is something we all do. When the model isn’t there to begin with, we blindly fumble our way through relationship after relationship, hoping to learn from our mistakes. A very painful method indeed. Fodder for the stories of dysfunctional relationships in soap operas no doubt. Painful and unnecessary.

Unnecessary, provided we take the time to learn a model of behaviour that speaks of grown love, and the importance of understanding what empowerment is. Not only that, but the importance of understanding and accepting the reciprocal nature of empowerment, is something we must grasp for our relationships to be both strong and lasting.

Powerful and evocative memories, that seem more prevalent than others, are there for clear reason. These memories are often pivotal moments in time and life. Moments where we’ve made decisions that a part of us (potentially a higher part) recognised as being very significant.

We make turns, changes and adjustments to our lives, based on the decisions we make. When we go back, and revisit prominent memories, we often see the alternative branches – of choice – we could have made. We see the consequences and effects of the moments we lived through with less experience than we have now. When we do this, we open up additional branches of opportunity, that are the consequence of hindsight. 

“Through memories we become time travellers that can correct future mistakes, through the clarity of seeing their significance, in the past”

Be aware of the significance of prominent memories, they may well have been turning points, in your life. Your mind may be saying: “See this and don’t do it again.” Did you make the correct choice before? Could you have done things better? Could your children learn something – improved on – from your own childhood?

Our Workshop Manual is the correction of future mistakes through having visited them in the past. 

A Desperate Search

Once again we’re seeing a lot of media coverage relating to mental health. Answers are being sought. Universities are talking about the lack of mental health support for the young, and we’re reminded of the number of people, taking their own lives. Suicide is now the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK with 84 taking their own lives every week.

“The feeling, is there’s a search for some kind of relief from the pain, but we must learn the realities of life, if we’re to survive”

To see death, as a better option than life, quite obviously, means our search is now over. When all options have been explored, and death the only one left, the focus has turned to the pain and nothing else. The mind has become locked into the depression and desperation the suicidal must feel.

No choice is the answer to finding this escape. Death is the result of there being no more choices left. Death though, is no choice, at all. For when we are dead, there is nothing. Can we empathise with those who feel that death must be better than all the pain? Can we understand the will to die being stronger than the will to live? I’m sure we can.

“I can remember feeling such emotional pain from my loneliness that I began to hallucinate, but the lasting cure I’ve found, is to love”   

There are those, so tormented by their loneliness, that their minds have constructed a fictional reality around them. This is a survival strategy. So strong is the will to live, that the mind will construct an imagined reality, in an attempt to alleviate the pain; to try and change the reality of the world they’re currently living in. Psychiatric wards are filled with such people. People with no one to love.

It’s my belief, the main reasons for suicide, are guilt, fear and loneliness. And so imagine it being possible to become one with the mind of a suicidal person. In order to truly understand what they’re going through – and offer some options they’re currently unable to see – we must be able to share their pain; their thoughts. Could we lengthen their lives by doing this? Could we also spare those left behind from the guilt, pain and confusion, suicide causes?

“Take a moment to imagine something for me”

Imagine being the last person on earth. How would you feel? Would the loneliness you’re likely to feel be painful enough for you to take your own life? Or would you find a way to deal with this? If the suicidal were placed into such a situation – where they believed they were the last man on earth – would they still commit suicide? We can only wonder; yet is it possible they wouldn’t? The reason why they mightn’t, is because suicide is often all about the people left behind, is it not? It’s about wanting others to share the pain. There is no love in suicide.

“If you were feeling suicidal – and the last man on earth – would you instead find something to love? After all, there’s no one left to feel your pain, now, is there?”

In this self-centered world, the suicidal have given up the futile search for understanding from others, and resorted to the final solution. It’s not until they’re dead do we, the closest to them, actually feel anything. We must feel this before they die if we’re to help them. To do this, we must snap out of our delusions and realise: many are unable to cope with the loneliness of having no one to love. They’re unable to cope with the lack. Is it not being totally focused on their suffering that causes the suicidal to pull the plug? There is no love in suicide.

“An empowering love for another keeps our will to live, stronger, than our will to die”  

Thankfully the vast majority of us don’t resort to suicide. When we’re despairing, with few options in sight, there is often a place in our minds (a not entirely conscious one) where we’re able to feel safe and loved. The suicidal have potentially never been shown this place, or have lost sight of it, along the way.

“What if we took hold of a depressed and suicidal youngster and asked: What is it – exactly – that you’re trying to achieve in life? Where are you headed? Who do you love? Who are you doing this for?”

Where did we all lose the love that takes so much of the loneliness away?

What Would it Take?

“What would it take to help people understand, if the situation is bad to begin with, having children, will only make matters worse?”

And what if our understanding of the opposite sex, relationships and love, is also sketchy to begin with? How can we possibly expect to know if this person – we’re choosing to have sex with – is likely to make a good parent or not? How do we know if we’re going – quite literally – to be left holding the baby?

There is a golden rule that must be imparted to all young people: Only once you’re able to take full responsibility for yourself, should you have children. It’s obvious and yet it would seem the obvious escapes the minds of many young people. It’s no wonder the expression ‘snowflake generation’ has come about. What with their overblown sense of entitlement and lackadaisical attitude to life… blah, blah, blah.

You know what, none of this really matters, does it? The only thing that matters to the young is getting pissed, getting laid, and generally pissing everyone else off in the process. Or, to be more specific, it certainly is if you’re a young person, with no purpose, and no direction in life.

As a young man I might have been a fucking idiot but at least I was an idiot with a purpose: to empower another person. The person I loved. Without that drive I was nothing. I tried it once and my whole world fell apart. We all need someone to love; someone to empower. Without it we’re nothing.

Those might sound like dramatic words and yet there is a truth within them. In fact they might only be my beliefs, however, the point to pick up on here, is the purpose and direction they teach.

“When our young have no purpose and direction they are ships lost at sea with no sails, rudder, or engine. They are adrift and lost to us all”

The thing is, it’s not actually difficult to instill passion and purpose into a child’s mind. When you look closely at all the healthy, and dare I say it, wealthy people  in the world, what they have, is passion. From snooker players and physicists, to footballers and musicians, passion is the key.

If you want to keep children out of gangs, out of trouble, with the potential to live a long, healthy and wealthy life, find them passion, and do it quickly. It’s very, very easy. All you need do is understand the empowerment of love.

Find the Peace Within Yourself – Retrospection

Retrospection

“It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?”

What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.

If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word taofuck. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.

We certainly don’t advocate the worlds belief: no pain no gain, as this would tie us up, with employing the methods used by the majority. You know the kind of thing: Keep busy, stiff-upper-lip, pills, alcohol, sex, doctors, money, consumerism, you name it, all the western world solutions, to tie us up in knots.

“So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease”

My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I’ve come to understand, it’s the examination of memories from early experiences, that enable us to take charge of any negative influence they may still hold over us.

There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I met many courageous souls, who’d reached a point in their lives, where time in my chair had become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection is the way and means to break free from the negative influences of the past.

As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.

Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.

“When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes”

The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection.

The cure to loneliness will never be recognition from others, just as the search for love outside of ourselves, will always prove fruitless. Those things you love about others are within you too. Retrospection might just help you know.

A Beautiful Solitude

The Ego, Fragile Ego
Solitude: Get to Know The Self

“If everyone spent time in solitude the human condition wouldn’t be quite what it is”

It’s a human psychological weakness; looking to avoid solitude. So is the tendency for us to overtly or covertly seek the approval and attention of others. The ego dislikes time alone for this very reason; when alone, it might initially seem like there’s no opportunity for attention, or approval.

The job of the ego is self-reinforcement. That’s to say, everything the ego does, is a means of asserting what it knows. When we’re alone, the ego becomes vulnerable; open to doubt and questioning. Many people have talked about the discomfort they’ve felt during extended periods of solitude. After spending a night in a tent, alone, in the middle of nowhere, the famous comedian Billy Connolly once said: “You certainly have to deal with your demons on a night like that.”

“And so, solitude is a challenge for the best of us, however, once we understand the benefits – no matter the discomfort – this may give use the courage to conquer”

Breaking the spell, of uncontrollably craving the company, attention and approval of others, helps us overcome some fundamental weaknesses. When we know how to be alone, it puts us in a very, powerful position. There is a vast difference between those who seek power, in order to feel less alone, and those who have power through their ability to be there.

Consider how some world leaders behave. Their lust for power is driven by many things, at the root of this driving, is the unconscious longing for recognition and attention. This was something potentially missing during their childhood development, and so seeking it in adulthood, is simply a symptom of lack.

Alternatively, if we look at the likes of Obama, Kennedy, Thatcher, Mandela or Gandhi – to name just a few – we see a difference. I believe good leaders are made when there’s a genuine love of the people, rather than lack, within themselves. When we seek to control and dominate, this is driven by lack. When we love there’s a need to share this; setting others free. Love shares, fear takes.

When we understand how solitude helps us to gain control over our fragile egos, we move to gaining better control, over our instinctive drivings. Better control, over these drivings, increases our freedom. Being this free does in turn demand we better develop our imaginations. Think of all the free time we’d have! Once we have developed imaginations, and better control over our selves – through finding solitude – the world truly becomes our oyster.

A truly successful mind is one that appreciates the aloneness of the human condition. No matter how hard we try, if we didn’t receive the love and attention required during our developmental years, seeking this as adults, creates many a disappointment. The time for that. Has. Now. Gone.

Appreciation, of the power being alone can bring, will only come once we know solitude. The world is full of people seeking what they craved as children, only to find no satisfaction; whatever the methods employed.

Those who’re able to sit in solitude, with only their thoughts for comfort, will always have greater power, even than those lacking world leaders. It’s this power, of being able to take control of the self, that can change your world. Learn to appreciate A Beautiful Solitude. Give your self the attention it requires. Give your self the approval it requires. There’s really no one else able to do this for you, now you’re fully grown.

Why We Reject The Good Souls

 “Why do we reject the good souls? Do we feel threatened by them, and if so, why? What exactly do we have to fear?”

Many are very suspicious of people who wish us well; those who want the best for us. Many people who are in desperate need of assistance, or guidance of some sort, will reject that hand up; that gentle word of advice. They will reject the good souls.

In some respects, this must come down to our fear, of the unknown. If we’ve never been shown genuine compassion, love and concern, then how can we possibly accept it for what it is? People, who’ve spent their entire lives just surviving and getting by, will reject love. Those who’ve had to cope with the abuse and disdain, we humans inflict on one another, will obviously reject that hand up. If we do take that hand, who’s to know, what we’re likely to find? Something worse than we already know?

Often the used and abused will take assistance offered, only to find a worse horror, than the one they knew before. Better the devil you know and all that. So what is the answer? How can we get through to the damaged souls who reject genuine compassion and empowering love?

“The word that comes to mind is gently”

A gentle truth is what many of us require. The truth that someone, who might simply ask them how they are, or wish them good luck, is genuinely asking after their wellbeing. A good soul enquiring for some love. A love not many are able, or willing to give, an enquiring soul. 

Pride is one thing that can stands in the way. Pride, standing there with its arms folded, defensive and cold. A young man will often see an older one as a threat, not as potential for guidance, and betterment. A damaged person may only have his pride left, after everything else, has been stripped from him. Dignity disappears when we’re abused as children, as does much of our power. We may find strength in pride. We may feel powerful when we reject all and everyone from our lives. It matters not, whether they’re good or bad, pride pushes them all away.

I’ve learnt, the only way to deal with this, is to actually see what their rejection is: fear. There is a fear that the last thing they have; that last thing that’s kept them alive, together and helped them make it through, will be taken from them; their pride. What must those in need of assistance do in order to swallow their pride and listen?

“They need to believe”

Yes, on this occasion, it can be that simple. When we’re able to instill the belief, that there is actually something available to lift a damaged person, we’re halfway there. The way we do this, is to educate the individual as to the true nature of that assistance. We need to make them aware, of the two way street they’re embarking on, by accepting our help.

You see, when we offer help to another human being, especially one whose likely to reject us, we must make them aware of how offering assistance is about a selfish empowerment. Offering help will always be a ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ situation. When we share this truth help is more likely accepted.

Help, is more likely accepted, when we realise we mustn’t threaten the survival of a damaged individual, through threatening to take their pride. Their last remaining stronghold of defence. In fact, when we offer the truth of our selfishness, we help people retain their pride.

“We never offer someone help when our unconscious intention is to take their power. This is so often the case”

When we offer advice, or help of any nature, it can often be spotted as a hidden means of empowering ourselves. This is when the damaged will reject us. Giving up a little of our power is when we truly help. We do this by offering the truth. We do this by showing humility.

Just the other day, I offered someone a good luck sentiment who was trying to give up smoking, and the response was this: “well yes, I’m just trying not to think about it.” A rejection of a good luck wish. Hindsight has offered me the realisation of what would have been a better strategy: to take a deep breath, look him the eyes, and say nothing. Simple, when you think of it.

So the next time you feel rejected, even when your intentions felt honourable, be sure to recognise what your unconscious intentions might have been. Those in need are used to being very, very perceptive of the human condition, and its darker side.

“We uncover our unconscious intentions when we see the truth”

Here it is: There is no such thing as a selfless act. None at all. When we make it clear, that we understand the two way street, of any act, we discharge suspicion from the damaged soul.

We must ask: in what way do I empower myself through offering my time and attention? We must then offer this truth. Understand: when we humbly give a little of our power away – by expressing truth through our humility – we will ultimately regain it twofold. We always regain power given away. When we look to take another’s power, we must continue to do so, with all those we meet. A vicious cycle many people are engaged in. We only need look at what’s happening in the world today. People in power seeking to take it from others. Rejection all around.

Pegasus Brought Down By a Bird

“It true to say it’s often the little things that can defeat the mighty and powerful”

The elitist with their superior intellect, vast wealth and cunning ways, are often exposed by the detail. Small, simple understandings, shared by those with good intentions, will often bring down the exploitative takers.

Consider the inequality of sexism, still so prevalent, in the world today. So ingrained into society is this, that it seems an almost insurmountable task to change it. Although it may seem this way, steadily, over time, it is changing. Exposing the detail is key. Transparency paramount.

Take intellectual elitism. If we want our children to do well in life we send them to schools and academies. We seek out the best of these and hope for college or university later on. After all, the best jobs are reserved for those who’ve proved themselves worthy, through gaining good qualifications.

“Although we see the sense in further education, this doesn’t automatically mean, we must also gain a superior attitude.”

Further to this, we might want to compare an educated man, to someone who has no academic qualifications at all. A man who lives in a beautiful part of the world, earning his living walking the streets, picking up rubbish all day. Is he happy? Well, he lives a very simple life, with expectations on life, relative to his income, so we could easily say yes, he’s happy. It’s all relative.

Could we say that this man is unintelligent? Or would it be better to say he’s the one who’s actually getting it right, having the full measure of elitism and the elitist intellectuals, with their fragile egos? When he retires, in eighteen months time, he’s going to buy and live on a boat. Will he be on his holidays and they doing their rounds?

“It’s all in the small, simple, detail you see. With all these people reaching for the top, by over-complicating an already over-complicated world, we can easily get lost. Keeping it simple means we keep an eye on the thing that really matters: Loving each other”

Finding a state of mind, where we’re no longer struggling for the top – playing the games of the fragile ego – means we easily find contentment and happiness. When we understand all the unnecessary nonsense, played out by our warring egos, we come to realise how we waste so much of our lives.

Stepping out of the games enables us to see a better way to live. Simple, humble and unassuming, are the qualifications for a better life. Stop the war and enjoy your life.

Understanding Love is Empowerment

Understanding Love

Additional tools to help navigate our way through life, love and relationships

“When we truly understand love – following its simple rules – we will live life well”

It’s interesting because we immediately think, following the rules of love, throughout our lives, is likely to be the easiest path. It is, however, there is one important proviso: We must all have a clean and clear understanding of what it is.

We watch the news and it becomes very easy for us to jump on the same bandwagon, as journalist, and start aggressively pointing the finger of blame. In the past I’ve done this myself. I’ve ranted and become angry and frustrated. It doesn’t change things when we react in this way though, in fact, it just makes matters worse. Far better to understand why – the things that are wrong in our societies are prevalent – and then educate people into understanding the dangers and repercussions of failing to love and protect our children.

“For better to educate people into understanding the hows and whys of their behaviour and then teaching them how things could be better thought out; thinking skills are needed”

Now, we could say this is a loving response to neglect and abuse, for example. Abuse happens, keeps happening, and this will remain the case, as long as people are ignorant to the truth of how and why. Raising awareness is the name of the game here. Doing this in a gentle and effective manner is where love comes into play. Never be mistaken, this doesn’t mean that love is the gentle sentimentality it’s often mistaken for, no, when we properly love, we empower. This has nothing to do with sentimentality.

We might think there’s no changing the unsavoury aspects to humanity. We might think this because the people within – these darker aspects – aren’t interested. We might be right. It may well be that some people are lost to us; that some minds are just too broken and the repression of ignorance too great. If this is the case, then we must focus on the young. It’s this next generation, through being enlightened to the mistakes of their parents (us), that will change the world for the better. We never enlighten when we blame. All we do is create resistance from the stubborn ego.

Understanding Love

“When we realise and accept the full repercussions of physical and emotional abuse we change”

When we see that much of this abuse is due to ignorance we change. Some parents may be surprised to learn, their responsibility to our children is far greater, than they first realised. Yes society as a whole has a responsibility to our children, yet when there exists such divide, in terms of parental awareness of this, we have a problem. Society must be there to support parents but not take on too many of their responsibilities.

Children need to experience clean and clear love from those they’ve bonded to. Due to our current belief in family, children bond to specific people, and not society as a whole until later. Children obviously need society but their need for parental love is greater. Governments must come to understand this if they’re to improve mental health and the issues of physical and emotional abuse. Whether parents like it or not, we must find a way to lift them, from ignorance.

Something clearly stated is: We love our children when we empower them. For example, even though we may fear the dentist, we love our children by taking them to see the health professionals government has provided. Government provides the service, we love and care for our children, when we educate ourselves about their importance. If we want our children to live better lives than ourselves, we must educate ourselves into what it is, that’s held us back in the past.

“It can never be the job of governments to love our children”

There are parents, who don’t actually care what quality of life our children are likely to have, once grown. There are those parents who have no care for understanding cause and effect. Some of these children are the ones who go on to propagate the darker aspects of society. They will always exist. If it should happen, that individuals are woken by some random event or understanding, it will have been love that did this.

The benefits to loving our children are often missed. Parents that don’t care sufficiently have yet to see the benefit to fully understanding love. We can know, those who’ve not been shown empowering love in their own childhood, will find it challenging to show this to their offspring. It’s a cycle that can only be broken through increased awareness. We must be aware: when we empower others we empower ourselves.

Only last night, I found myself pondering, once again, on how it is so many shy away from understanding themselves better. In some respects, this must come down to what kind of things are instilled into our minds, as interests, when young. Is inquisitiveness not something we’re all born with? Perhaps this is yet to be sufficiently encouraged and nurtured? Is it not natural for the human mind to be inquisitive? How is it we’re not encouraging an inquisitiveness into the workings of our own minds?

As example, many people simply jump into their cars, not giving a hoot about how it actually works. How does the car do what it does? On a personal level I find it bewildering that so many are simply not interested in this. In the same light, I find it bewildering that so many of us simply don’t care, about how our minds work. Is it this, or have we been scared off, by the intellectuals?

“Psychology has been labelled a science, as such, its been over-complicated by those who have something to prove”

Too many people seeking new and better understandings of a subject that’s already awash with theories. Here guys, I’ll tell you why there’s so much mental illness in the world: TOO MUCH FEAR AND IGNORANCE – NOT ENOUGH LOVE. When we confuse and over-complicate things, we’re only adding to the problem. It’s not helping. How would it be if you had nothing to prove? How would it be if you stopped needing to prove your intelligence by owning a subject that belongs to all? There need be no qualification in understanding the mind. It ought to be something all children have.

And so, love, is empowerment. We empower our children when we care enough to want them to have better lives than ourselves. We do this when we understand maturity and what it is to be grown. A mature love is when we take full responsibility for ourselves and our children. We may think, for example, that keeping a child quiet with a sugar-dummy is effective, however, the mature empowerment of love states: a child is kept happy and contented, not with sugar, but with our loving attention. If we can’t give this attention we must learn how. Simple. If this sounds like I’m pointing the finger of blame, you may want to read more. All the best, with love.

The Universe Will Test Your Resolve

The universe is testing your resolve, and so, whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove to be?
The universe is testing your resolve, and so, whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove to be?

Yes, even the universe itself, has willpower, and is designed to test your resolve daily.

That may sound like a very odd assertion. It may sound like so much of the new age wishy-washy-namby-pamby-sentimental nonsense the internet seems so full of these days, however, pause, because you will come to see real, true value in the statement, through gaining deeper understanding.

We could gain this deeper understanding through asking why? Why is the universe so set on testing our resolve? What does it have to gain? And asserting that the universe is testing us, suggests some kind of plan, or even some kind of consciousness. Is the universe conscious?

Well you know what? The only thing that matters is whether or not believing the universe is conscious has any real value. It’s like any belief. When we ask ourselves: is this useful, we’re asking if a believe has any positive input that we can give constructive use.

Allow me to give you an example. Let’s say you’ve very recently really begun to understand the concept of boundaries, and how asserting your needs, is of paramount importance. Let’s say you’ve spent the majority of your life as a bit of a people-pleasing-yes-person, and so full of guilt have you been, that when ever you’ve looked to assert boundaries, you’ve been met by some kind of challenge, that’s caused you to weaken and revert into your old guilt driven ways.

Now, to see these instances as a test, set by the universe, is to acknowledge a kind of universal loving presence, that is working for your benefit. And no I’m NOT going to call this presence God, I’m going to call it a POSITIVE AND BENEFICIAL BELIEF and that’s all. It’s positive, because with this new understanding, it gives the things we found frustrating or overly challenging in the past, a loving purpose. We’re suggesting that everything you experience in life has at it’s root a loving purpose. Is that something that’s useful to believe?

“Whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove yourself to be?”

You might now ask: what’s the benefit to being tested on a daily basis? The benefit is development. You can know that if your resolve is tested every day, and you see it as having loving purpose, you will, in time, develop into a beautiful example of a human being. Think about it. 

In Response

Believe in your higher-self
Believe in your higher-self

Higher-self. In Response to:

https://thinkingclearly.co/2017/10/30/kids-a-moral-dilemma/

All very interesting. I personally feel Benatar is potentially a little ‘too’ emotionally involved with his essay – you really wouldn’t want to read it when feeling a little down now, would you?

He is of course talking “round-shouldered and unbacked” (to quote my late ex-father in law – a man who believed he had all the answers by spending his entire life either working or getting pissed – a common solution, yes?).

So come on, we all know life is full of suffering and pain, however, that, is actually the whole point. Without all the pain and suffering there’d be no driving for us to evolve into the AI’s that will eventually rule the galaxy! Ha ha!

When it comes to procreation, and the anti-natalism view point, we must face it, most babies are made by mistake; we humans just like sex so much; it is one of the things that offsets some of the horrors in the world; now there’s a paradox!

I think Mondays should be Science Fiction day – spread a little happiness, oh, and let’s not forget the brilliance of us humans, we did invent all the games, the best being the game of LOVE (a useful tool to offset all the shit in life). An interesting half hour Thank You א

Love is The Drug (most frightening of all)

Thankfully most of us stay well clear of the kind of drugs that’ll get us into trouble (either with the law or addiction and death). Most of us have been made sufficiently aware of the dangers, and so decline to play the game of Russian Roulette, with our lives. Thankfully most of us aren’t reckless enough to become addicts.

Although we may be fearful and wary of the dangers associated with drugs, we may step beyond this, and dabble from time to time. We may get drunk when out with friends, or perhaps overdo it a little at home alone, and because most of us are lucky and informed, we decline to go further. However, it’s not really about that though, is it?

Those of us who do go beyond a glass of wine with our meal, or a few pints out with our mates, tend to be of the damaged variety. In other words, those of us who have lots of guilt and unresolved issues, tend to use drugs as a form of escape. We need to change our consciousness so as to escape the guilt, shame and the pain. Of course, as is all too clear, all this does, is add to it; we know it, yet seem unable to stop.

Taking things to new heights is when the drink stops working and we need a new high, or low, as the case may be. Then we’re in real trouble. We’ve lost the fear completely and no longer care about how reckless we’re being with our lives. Nothing matters, except changing the consciousness we’ve grown to hate, into something much more preferable: oblivion.

It may seem a beautiful paradox (it terms of it being the most extreme example) that the greatest fear we may harbour is that of the most powerful drug of all. The drug that is life affirming. The drug that keeps the rest of us functioning. We have no fear of the drugs that will eventually kill us, or simply dumb down our lives, and yet we fear the drug that is free, and most plentiful of all. The drug of love.

The drug of love is not the feeling we get from infatuation. It’s not the feeling we get at the point of orgasm. Neither is it the feeling we get with that first kiss from someone we admired when a child. No, the feeling we get from the drug of love, is something entirely different. The thing is, many of us fear this feeling, and we fear it because we’ve never known it; we’ve never experimented with it. Because to allow ourselves to fall in love (with life) would mean we’d have to change what we’re currently doing. And that, is hard; very hard.  

“What most of us are currently doing is simply following a program. It’s a program that’s comfortable; that works, and is – most of the time – manageable; provided we have a few drugs that is.”

Now, what I’m suggesting, is we take a moment to really consider what love is. We know what recreational drugs (useful name?) do: they change how we feel; they change our consciousness. And so what about love, does that change our consciousness? Well, when we truly know what love is, it does. It changes our consciousness, in respect of it giving our lives, tremendous value. When you have love in your life there’s no way on earth you’d recklessly risk it.  

Fear, guilt and anger are the opposites of love and we use drugs in an attempt to rid ourselves of their unpleasantness. The only true antidote to these things is true love. It really is worth seriously considering if we’re getting it right – and getting the correct dosage – if we’re to make the most of our lives. I, for one, am hopelessly addicted.

Personal Development

parenting

Good Parenting

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Examining the Evidence

I read some figures recently, which suggested that 50% of how a person turns out as an adult, is genetic (nature), and the other 50% interacting with others (nurture), but the latter 50% was almost entirely due, to out of the home influences. In other words, how we turn out, has very little to do with how we’re parented. The person, we can attribute this astonishing claim to, is a Scientist named Steven Pinker. At this point I feel it’s worth telling you, during my time working as an Analyst, I’ve never found this to be the case, in fact, quite the opposite.

Many of us are aware of the principle, that the observer influences the outcome of whatever they’re observing – in my world we can most certainly attribute this to the filters of beliefs. For example, if you believe bears are beautiful, you may have a room full of teddy bears, yet if you’ve ever been attacked by one, and as such hold negative beliefs, (bears are men killers) you’ll potentially see teddy bears as a contradiction. As are many things in life, Steven Pinker, included.

Now, we must also be cautious in terms of my experiences: have the issues surrounding my own upbringing affected: A, the Analysis of my clients and: B, the type of clients I’ve attracted into my consulting room.

When we look at A, it is entirely possible that my beliefs and expectations have influenced the analysis of my clients, however, as an analyst with an awareness of this danger – trained in very specific techniques that eliminate leading the client – this possibility is sufficiently guarded against. In addition, it’s been my experience, that the responses given during analysis, have often surprised me to such an extent, I’ve nearly fallen out of my chair.

Looking at B, we’re almost certainly entering the world of woo-woo to suggest the majority of clients entering my consulting room, have issues with their parents, simply because I had a traumatic childhood. Perhaps if I’d advertised my services as being specific to parent/child issues, this would be the case; I didn’t.

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Perhaps to some extent, all of this is a little irrelevant when I tell you Steven Pinker, was also of the opinion, that parents shouldn’t work hard at how they raise our kids, if they wanted children to like them.

“Curious, but I though parenting was about raising balanced, respectful and responsible adults, not about being liked by children.”

If you want to be liked by our children just give them what they want, however, as we should all know, giving children what they want, is not, by any means, what’s good for them.

One thing is for sure, if you want your children to respect you, once they’ve become adults, give them what they need for the future (love) not what they want in their present moment of wanting. If they don’t like it, then we need to better develop our negotiation skills, and how to train our children to think about cause and effect. Something lacking in some of today’s young.

Lens flare light. Cross on peak of Hoher Goell.

“One other thing that caught my attention this week was the observation: because Christ was a carpenter, it proves that we don’t necessarily need intelligence to be effective. Remarkably condescending considering how many intelligent carpenters I’ve met, besides, I always though Christ was a tradesman who believed in love.”

In this respect I’d agree with the sentiments – we don’t need to be intelligent to be successful – as love, and love of our children, has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, intelligence, it would seem, can be a total block to properly understanding it.

All in all, an interesting week, let’s hope next week is as much fun. א

The Art of Deletion

 

“Why would you want to live a good life doing the right thing? What do you actually have to gain?”

If you talk to people about corruption, sexism, racism or any form of injustice and inequality, they’ll tell you: “oh it’s everywhere, but what can you do?” It’s as if it’s an accepted aspect of humanity. Why is this accepted? In addition to this, how is it the corrupt, sexist, racist lairs of the world, seem to have it so good, while the rest of us struggle on regardless? How is it we seem able to accept this? In particular, here in the UK, we even place these kinds of people, at the top of our hierarchical systems. Princess and princesses, kings and queens, lords and sirs, taking us up the rear, as we lie face down, biting into the pillows of denial and ignorance.

There was a time when we feared harming, using and abusing other humans. Fear and guilt were the control rod, yet now this is fading, (the antiquated belief systems of religion starting to fail) what is to replace this control mechanism? Perhaps, if the just and the good were less accepting of the rife abuse in the world today, things would be different. One thing’s for sure, some of us are getting very tired, of feeling like we’re being made fools of.

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The art of Deletion, is all about understanding how to gain the upper hand over the abusers. Here at The Freedman College we ask: what is it we need to do, to start winning the game, and the battle for freedom?

Initially, it involves questioning our thinking, and opening our minds to the alternatives. Never accepting the norms, and never accepting abuse, means we need to break free from the pack: become less of a sheep and more of a wolf.

Next, we must question established patterns. Be these patterns our ways of life, ways of thinking, or ways we find to excuse ourselves of our duty. Yep, that’s right, duty. It has to be all of our duties, to bring on the necessary changes required, to stop the current system of abuse.

“The Art of Deletion happens within the individual. You’ll see them, those who’ve mastered it. You’ll notice their differences. You’ll notice they’re healthy and free, it’s as if they glow in the dark!”

The Art of Deletion says: I’m no longer going to put up with the abusers of this world. We raise our awareness of the users and abusers and we simply delete them from our lives.

We may face some problems along the way. At this time, the system is so biased, and set to advantage the abusers, that if we try to cease all of the abuse, immediately, we could end up in prison. So cleverness, cunning and caution is advised. For example, the media of television is currently messing up your life, and your licence fee is being used for immoral purposes (for proof see today’s UK news.) So don’t just stop paying for your TV licence, that is illegal. The solution is to get rid of your television all together. Sound hard? Not if you put your mind to it, and besides, you have our support. Be assured, it will be an effective Deletion. You will simply cut out the influence of the abusers.

In answer to our initial questions, what we have to gain from living good lives, and doing the right thing by others, will never be a place within the fiction of heaven. What we have to gain, is the creation of a heaven within our own world and our own minds. It starts with you. Make a decision, about who and what you allow into your life, and that of our children’s.

Lose the fear.