life, elitism, children

Life Riding on the Coattails of Others

elitism of the children

A new year beckons and with it we see the new year honours list of 2018. The British aristocracy keeping themselves at the top, by creating another elitist list, of human beings. Life riding on the coattails of others. With that in mind I’d like to create a new award:


There’s a fairly strict criteria, because if we we were to ask the average adult: Do you consider yourself to be a grown up? They’d no doubt say, yes. There is a finite number of awards available you see. There is a problem though, to what do we gauge our award? To what do we compare our maturity?. How do we set the criteria? How do we know what it actually is to be an adult in 2018?

Difficult questions. One persons take, on what it means to be an adult, can obviously differ greatly from another. We do need some kind of benchmark, and I think we can keep things simple, by listing a few important provisos here. Let’s start with just two:

To be an adult we must have a level of independence and we must also have a high degree of self awareness.

That said, I know of people who have a very high level of independence, and yet have very poor self-awareness. Their behaviour and gameplay is very manipulative, and  conversation/interpersonal skills, no further forward, than that of a ten year old child.

For example, recent experience, with trying to converse with a 57 year old woman, left me feeling very uncomfortable indeed. This was simply due to the fact it belonged in the mind of someone aged ten – or thereabouts. Even though this is the case, the lady in question is independent, and has carried many responsibilities. Raising a child on her own being just one of them.

Suffice to say, this lady, who has remained unaware of much of her behaviour during her life, has had a horrible time. Many of the events in her life have placed excessive demands on her. Excessive pain and confusion has been due to her ability to reject everyone, and everything good, from her life so far. To add to this, her list of past (and present) ailments would include: cervical cancer, crones disease, anorexia and chronic tooth decay. She deserves an award all of her own, just for making it through.

Snippets of conversation have led me to the understanding, her childhood was full of neglect, and other forms of abuse. Please note: It’s certainly not my place – beyond a therapeutic setting – to interfere, counsel or advise, in any capacity whatsoever, someone who has no wish to seek such things. As such I’m a very good silent-listener in her company. Now, the clue to my next award-proviso is in the word seek, because:

An adult must be a seeker.

What must they seek? Well, we could say, they must look to seek knowledge, awareness and truth. By seeking these things, we’re expressing our intention, to become adults.

For much of life, many people, are confused and bewildered by the behaviour of others. Many are left wondering: “What the hell is going on?” “What are these people doing?” “Why does this shit happen?” These people find relief when introduced to the value of seeking.

Shit does happen – as our beautiful American cousins are so keen on telling us – and yet shit really does happen around you, when you’re an adult amongst the children. Children keep-fucking-things-up simply because it’s in their nature to do so. As such, all this chaos, going on in the world around us, is instigated by the children who have yet to find the value in seeking.

In this vain, I’d like to think my style of writing, is suited to many people who don’t seek, purely because they’ve been put off in the past.  Many intellectuals and teachers in the world, are very possessive of their intellect and talent. To this end they deliberately confuse the buggery out of the average man. This must be another form of elitism yet to be fully recognised. So stop making things difficult for others to understand guys. There is no such thing as bad students only useless teachers. Here’s another proviso for my list:

An adult must never ride on the coattails of others.

Many adults are in the position they are, simply because they’re exploiting what they see, as the worlds children. The British aristocracy, for example, achieve this through their awards system. This system states: “We have sufficient high status to award you.” What they’re once again forgetting is, if you treat adults as children (we award you dear child) you only add to their confusion. Those who achieve greatness do this through being adults. Perhaps when the elite finally grow up themselves and find independence, instead of leeching off the rest of us, we’ll all be freed to move on to adulthood. Here’s my final proviso:

Once grown awards become obsolete

That’s right, give me a medal for picking up that rubber brick of the bottom of the swimming pool, but fuck you if you try and keep me down, by awarding me once I’m grown. We must all become sufficiently self-aware, so as to realise the gameplay of dependent adult-children, so we may then help them move on. Thankfully, now we know awards for maturity would be a paradox, I can put this one safely to bed.

Happy new year my grown up friends.

In Response

Believe in your higher-self
Believe in your higher-self

Higher-self. In Response to:

All very interesting. I personally feel Benatar is potentially a little ‘too’ emotionally involved with his essay – you really wouldn’t want to read it when feeling a little down now, would you?

He is of course talking “round-shouldered and unbacked” (to quote my late ex-father in law – a man who believed he had all the answers by spending his entire life either working or getting pissed – a common solution, yes?).

So come on, we all know life is full of suffering and pain, however, that, is actually the whole point. Without all the pain and suffering there’d be no driving for us to evolve into the AI’s that will eventually rule the galaxy! Ha ha!

When it comes to procreation, and the anti-natalism view point, we must face it, most babies are made by mistake; we humans just like sex so much; it is one of the things that offsets some of the horrors in the world; now there’s a paradox!

I think Mondays should be Science Fiction day – spread a little happiness, oh, and let’s not forget the brilliance of us humans, we did invent all the games, the best being the game of LOVE (a useful tool to offset all the shit in life). An interesting half hour Thank You א

abortion to the core

Abortion (to the core)

Is life the moment cells divide?

It can be challenging to write about something you don’t particularly have strong opinions on. When needing to give constructive, balanced and impartial advice though, there are times when freedom from strong opinion, or bias, can be useful. When opinion isn’t charged with the anger, of unresolved issues of a personal nature, the information shared will tend to be of a balanced nature, enabling you to make up your own mind, having been better informed.

“Being better informed is the name of the game here and to deal properly with such an emotive, and potentially complicated issue, will empower you to help yourself and others, should the issue of abortion raise its head.”

As a therapist, or someone who is simply interested in personal development, our objective must be to seek out the roots to any issue. The roots, to many emotionally charged sticking points, or problems we humans face, often lie at a deeper level than consciousness.

Now, straight away, remove any assumption that this complicates matters. If anything, it simplifies reaching the understanding necessary, for why we have sticking points and problems, that seem beyond our control. Problems and unresolved issues that lie deeper than our conscious awareness, will obviously prove to be something we’re unable to change, simply through discussion. Deeper intervention is now called for.

“Looking deeper, at the issue of abortion, has now become a necessity.”

From the standpoint of beliefs, we must understand, that should an individual – who’s considering an abortion – carry a high degree of limiting and negative beliefs about themselves, these beliefs will be influencing them in ways, that should never be underestimated. For example, would the belief – I am worthless – be the reason a person needed sex (unprotected or not) in the first place? Sex may well make a person feel valued, yet the pending abortion, will only be an expression of the belief: I am worthless or hopeless. For that matter, any number of negative beliefs, relating to the self, will influence self-destructive behaviour.

Having unprotected sex at an inappropriate time or age and taking the risk of pregnancy, with the option of abortion in mind, may well be the unconscious minds desire to fulfil negative, self-limiting beliefs. When viewed in a certain way the emotional upset, relating to abortion, can stay with a woman all her life, constantly acting as confirmation of her negative beliefs.

Beliefs also come into play when a person has been taught – during their own childhood – that pregnancy is a means for control, either over the state, or the state of a man’s mind. When this is the case, and the game fails, there is then no need for a child that was simply being used (once again within the epidemic of self-centeredness) as a chess piece within a game of fear. Abortion simply rejects, or takes back, a wrong move. A move, incidentally, forbidden in the real game of chess, and potentially, in the long term, forbidden within the emotional stakes of the game of life.

No one can deny – no matter how hard we try – that once cells begin to divide, life has been created. We can argue that this life is governed by those who created it. That whether or not a fetus goes to term, is entirely the choice of the woman carrying that life; it is growing in her body after all. We can argue, because life is so plentiful on this planet, that aborting one small example of it, is really of no concern, whatsoever. We can argue, a child carried to term by a guilty woman, holding self-destructive beliefs, would be a child better off dead. However, we could also argue, ‘better off dead’ is in fact, a complete nonsense.

“And if we say, any life is better than death, could we not consider adoption? Perhaps this is not seriously considered though, due to the risk of it being a greater emotional dilemma, than abortion.”

Six hundred and sixty nine words in and we can clearly see, the issue of abortion, is no easy one to address. Even so, I’m going to add a further consideration: Revenge and rejection, oh yes! What better way to reject the self – and it’s self loathing – than to abort a life it’s carrying. What better way to tell an abusive controlling man: f**k you! What better way to tell any man: f**k you. What better way to resolve a game gone wrong.


All things considered, when we create life, as an act designed for control, or to confirm limiting, negative beliefs, the root is the issue. The root is properly addressed through educating the children that have survived. The ones who haven’t survived are dead, and the dead, no longer matter. It’s the living we must focus our attention on now.

“We all know prevention is better than cure, and to avoid the complicated issues, playing with life and death potentially raise, we must come to understand, the root and cause, that leads to the damaging effects.”

Greater Purpose? Understand your mind.

If we all put our minds to it, having the same purpose as this man, would be easy. What he did, was to engage with life, caring about what needed to change.

It’s a depressing thought really isn’t it? The thought that there really isn’t any greater purpose to all this. That all there is for us to do, is grow, consume, sleep, work, retire, have fun, procreate and finally die. Hold on though, what exactly, is so bad about that?

Some say work is the most important aspect, especially if you understand the ‘work-is-love-made-visible’ thing. Not that many of us actually enjoy our work though, let alone love it to the point it’s making this love, visible. The key of course, is to do something you love, and then find a way to make money at it. Blah, blah, blah, be cautious of trickery my friends, the real key, is to learn to love what you’re doing right now. If you can’t do that, the rest will follow.

Others will say the point is family, children, love, wives, husbands, loving homes and all that. For happiness, simply enjoying good food and a healthy lifestyle is sufficient for many. These people can go through their whole lives, engaging in these simple things, proving it to be enough.

“Here, no doubt, is the main point: engaging with life. It’s surprising how many don’t.”

Depression is said to be on the increase as a world-wide phenomena. What can we put this down to? Lack of direction? Lack of purpose? Poverty? Inequality? Confusion? Perhaps many of us have forgotten what the point actually is. If we’re truly engaged with life and all it encompasses – the pain and the pleasure – how can we be depressed? Is it not the case, when we really take all the bullshit out of this illness, it can boil down to a lack of interest and inability to see the importance of change.

And so, in contrast to being stuck and depressed, what if we adopted a habit of doing things at random – losing the fear of the consequences – would depression have room to thrive? If we’re depressed, and doing things at random, that potentially jeopardise our safety, the outcome may be discomfort, unhappiness and even death. So what? Anything is better than depression. Compared to depression, discomfort and unhappiness are often short lived, and may well be the cure.

From my own experience I can remember a time when I was so confused and depressed, that I could barely get out of bed in the mornings. The remedy to my confusion, and subsequent depression, was to run away. That’s right, and that’s exactly what I did, and the day I put a rucksack on, with all my worldly possessions inside, was the very day my depression lifted. The confusion, that had been keeping me stuck, changed to purpose.

Confusion of depression changed to purpose

“My intention, at the time, was to walk along the coast of England, and if nothing came about, to improve my situation, I’d decided throwing myself of a cliff would end the misery.”

That last part obviously hasn’t happened, just yet, because change was the component that improved my life. In many respects my situation actually worsened, however, it was the will to live, and my unending belief and optimism that something always happens, that kept me going. And if I ever reach that (inevitable) stage again? Well, I know depression and random change are not bed buddies, so will no doubt just do a f**king runner again, so what? It’s more of a life than most.

All this shit we burden ourselves with; the chains we shackle ourselves with; it’s total insanity, and we’re all able to see this, provided we learn how to step back, from the place we’re currently in. We must remove fear to do this.

When it came to moving on, for me, it was most certainly a desperate act. The alternative is to plan. Don’t just throw a rucksack on, plan ahead. Get a job with a national company and relocate with them. Save up and have a plan to start a small business somewhere other than where you currently are. If it fails, so what? What exactly do you have to lose except the shackles of a programmed life. A life set out for you by others. Perhaps disappointment, at not reaching the goals set out by others, is the cause of your depression.

When you really understand your mind, how you think and why you do the things you do, boy! You’ll understand how you’re simply following a plan set out for you by others. You think it’s your plan? Wrong. It is not. And if depression is the problem, remove the fear, and move on. Depressed is to be part dead, a fate worse than death itself. You have nothing to lose, and believe me, once you’ve moved on, the weight lifted from your shoulders, will be liberating.

The stuff you own, and the things you worry about leaving behind, are the things that are perpetuating your depression. They don’t matter, what matters is you, and your health.

The point? Life. That’s the point.

No Competition


“We all know the basics don’t we? We know the nature of the planet we live on. We may even feel that the nature of life, and methods employed for survival, to be cruel and unkind.”

Perhaps the dog-eat-dog stuff, that goes on so much with everything feeding off each other; competing with each other for space or mating rights, is cruel, yet we mustn’t see this as something we’re separate from. We live here, and because of that, we must abide by the rules. Something that often goes overlooked though, is how we must come to understand, the multi-layered nature of these rules. Often the rules of nature are misunderstood or misinterpreted by those who teach us.

If we’re to get on in life – in terms of finding fulfillment, success, comfort and happiness – then we must, and I mean MUST! – understand the rules and look deeper. It’s here where most of us fail. We fail to find fulfillment and success, because we’re failing to properly understand the rules.

“Here’s something that might surprise you: within the rules, at a deeper level than is immediately obvious, there exists a clause. This clause states: we can succeed without being aggressively competitive.”

That’s right, stop looking to compete. For example, currently, within the hive mind of social media, there now exists the fashion of making all-singing, all-dancing, razzmatazz videos. They’re highly produced, no doubt expensive to make, and created by egotistical people fighting to be at the top of their game. From producers and directors, to actors and graphic designers, all creating beautiful videos that are entertaining, and sometimes informative.

If you want to get a message across, yet have neither the skill, resources or inclination to make such high quality videos, don’t even try. Don’t do it, because all you’re going to do, is use up valuable time and money to end up feeling frustrated. If, however, you desperately want to be able to make quality videos – because you feel this is the only way to get a message across – be sure you’re able to match all the available resources of your competitors, and this will include, a fighting, competitive nature.

“Alternatively, finding something – potentially hidden from view – within the rules of survival, is key.”

This key rule can guarantee a less painful, time consuming and expensive method of finding success. This hidden rule includes the importance of originality. In other words: Do something different and get good at it. In this way, competing, as is prescribed by most, becomes redundant.

“When we compare ourselves to nature, looking at a deeper level, we will see the rules, are not survival of the fittest, but survival of the smartest and most adaptable.”

Those of us who are able to think ourselves out of trouble, or think of an original way of succeeding at the game, are the ones who have the easiest time of it; the ones who are able to clearly see the easiest path. In this way, we’re not part of the dog-eat-dog self-preservation world, instead, we’re part of a special group of people, who have looked to raise their game and step above the crowd. Not better, just different.

“Whilst in this raised, different position, these people also understand the importance of empowering and lifting their fellow man to the same heights as themselves.”

This is achieved, not through being cruel, unkind and aggressively competitive, but by teaching how we must gain the insight, that enables us to be accepting and understanding of how the rules differ, on many different levels. All we need do is look deeper and then help others do the same, reminding ourselves, we only ever have what we give or teach.

“The action of giving or teaching reinforces that which exists within us. Teach aggressive competitiveness, and we will be this way, alternatively teach original, creative thinking, and we reinforce this originality within ourselves.”

You may have heard the phrase “the meek shall inherit the earth.” In its truest, clearest sense, what this means is: it’s not the aggressive, competitive creatures of the world, that’ll become its masters, it’s those who have raised themselves above what the eyes believe they see. In other words, what you believe the world is, at the superficial level i.e a cruel and unkind place full of competitive fighters, is what you’ll personally experience. In this way, you, also become cruel, aggressive, unkind and worst of all, superficial.

“By the same measure, believing the world is a place where adaptability and cleverness is the best and easiest means to progress, will ultimately mean you become clever and adaptable. You will be meekly gaining a rich inheritance.”


Remember, if you want to compete on a superficial level, then you’ll need to be a fighter, who is prepared to receive the odd bloody nose. However, If you want to win, through cleverness and adaptability, pay close attention to those who often go unnoticed. Pay attention to the meek, for they, shall inherit the earth.


Brilliant at Stating the Obvious

The concept of 'Duh'-used to comment on an action that is obvious, foolish, or stupid, represented with blue and red blocks on a reflective black base and background. Horizontal.

Nothing is actually obvious until you’ve been shown it. On reading or being taught something, and only after this event, we might say: “well, that’s just so obvious.” We must remember though, it wasn’t thatwat until we read it or were taught it. Oh, but NOW…! well, how obvious!

The thing about the obvious, is that teaching it – and simply because of it’s nature – obviousness leaves no impression. However, if we allowed ourselves to be influenced by this – to the point we give up showing or saying it – ignorance would prevail.

Now, the reason something is obvious, is because it’s easy to learn. It’s easy to learn because it’s already there; already there but only at an unconscious level. Take the example of a man who beats his wife. We know this is mainly driven by fear, yet it’s not until someone – who we perhaps see as an authority on the subject – points it out, do we truly get it.

It’s as if the understanding, just pointed out to us, was already within our grasp: we knew it, but didn’t know we knew it. This doesn’t diminish its power though. If anything, it makes the ability, to point out the obvious, invaluable to us all.

Someone or something ‘needs’ to have made us aware, of what was previously an unconscious understanding, before it becomes fully conscious, and consequently obvious. “Man you’re just so obvious!” Well fuck you! Conscious enough for you?

As a further example, consider someone who works in the reptile enclosure at the local zoo. As bizarre as it may seem, this individual actually has a deep hatred of reptiles, yet dutifully gets out of bed each morning, in order to tend to the stinking reptiles he so loathes.

After years and years of doing this job, he begins to find it increasingly hard to motivate himself, and get out of bed in the mornings. After some further time – to really get his pain and suffering to intolerable levels – our reptile carer decides to get some outside, objective assistance, to improving his health.


How odd – it may now seem – that we should need to point out, doing a job we hate, will, in time, make us unwell? Crazy isn’t it? However millions of us are doing this very same thing every day! How bizarre is it that so many of us should feel like we have no choice? Our reptile keeper had been thinking to himself: “well, this is what I do, I look after reptiles.” How about, ‘fuck the reptiles man, go out and get a fucking life!’ Obvious? It is now.