You Only Have What You Give

Consider the warnings on cigarette packaging. If you glance inside a well stocked tobacco products cabinet nowadays, it’s like viewing a scene from a poor horror movie, or paying a visit to a very distressing hospital ward or mortuary. The question is, does this put smokers off? It might have an impact on those who don’t smoke, yet those who already have the habit, aren’t likely to care. They already play the ‘lung cancer lottery’ and many seem happy to do so. The advice on cigarette packaging is largely ignored.

“In some ways this has a lot to do with how the advice is dispensed”

Scare tactics might work for some, at least for a while, yet during my time as a Hypnotherapist, it was positive reinforcement, of the benefits to ceasing smoking, that seemed to hit the mark. In my experience, all aversion therapy tends to do, is reinforce the guilt potentially driving the habit in the first place. With that in mind, what are the horrors – portrayed on tobacco product packaging – doing to the observer, at an unconscious level? Guilt is self-destructive.

“Getting rid of guilt is a tricky business”

It’s an emotion instilled into the mind of the average human from a very early age. If we advise parents to show caution, in how they teach the kids, we must do this through reinforcing the benefits to well considered methods. The guilt free tend to live happier, healthier lives after all. And so, when needing to set boundaries, do we reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad? Not really, no. What we must do, is find a way to help children realise the benefits to good behaviour, and the limitations of bad. If we shout: “stop that it’s naughty” we teach guilt. If we ignore the bad but gently say: “if you share your toys with Johnny he’ll play nicely with you” we’re more likely to be on a winner.

In an ideal world, the key, is to never instill guilt to begin with. When it comes to removing established guilt, far better to say: “You have nothing to fear as you seek a beautiful, healthy life, as a non-smoker.”

In addition to how advice is dispensed, the reason for why it’s so often ignored, often comes down to disbelief. We just don’t believe the way someone else does things, could be better, than the way we’ve been taught. Also, it’s the confident and self-assured, who’re better at acknowledging the usefulness of clever advice. Contrary to this if we have a fragile ego, combined with a lack of confidence, advice can be seen as an attack and threat to an already shaky sense of self. Our behaviour becomes our identity, and to question that, questions who we are? An instilled doubt many can’t cope with. Who are you exactly?

“If we say who you are is actually something quite different to what you’ve been taught to believe, we put in doubt those things we hold dear: our identity”

When the guilty, fully realise how guilt is a destructive control-rod over their lives, they often turn things around. Gentle advice comes from a voice of compassion and love as opposed to fear and control. If you’re in the business, of advising people how to live better lives, remember it’s the guilty who teach guilt in the first place.

“Removing our own guilt is done through advising in a guilt free manner”

To be whiter than white is impossible, we learn from our mistakes. However, how we feel about the things we’ve done, is a choice. We must question what purpose feeling guilty about past errors actually serves.

Sometimes it’s serves us well to have an awareness of the past before we can move forward. If all we do is lock away negative feelings they’ll drive us in negative ways. Briefly opening up those wounds, and moments of regret, reminds us of who taught us the guilt. Was it a parent from within your own mind? Be a better parent to yourself and reinforce the good. Gently closing the wound now, having removed the irritant, from under the skin.

Some advice is designed to free the person giving it. After all, we only have, what we give. Be free.

In Response to Emotions

“If we have little control over our emotions we’re vulnerable through allowing others to manipulate us emotionally.”

In response to:

Daily Dose of Inspiration – Deep Feelings

“I’m not sure if this is something normal people think about, or only weird, fucked up people like me.”

It’s very refreshing to see someone write from the heart in the way you have here. Because of your candid approach I particularly enjoyed this piece. It could be said that feeling ‘overly’ emotional – “about a crippled person on the side of the road” – for example, is of no real benefit to the person with the disability. It could also be said that being ‘overly’ emotion is just as disabling to you.

Real benefit comes when we’re able to look objectively at a person’s situation and then help in a pragmatic way: taking them for a square meal, buying them a wheelchair or giving their plight some deeper meaning, for example. If our reaction to pain, suffering, sadness, pity or whatever, is to become overly distressed ourselves, we are of no help, we may even add to their troubles.

In addition to this, to show someone pity in times of their hardship is to be disrespectful and may ultimately disempower them. My revulsion to pity stems from understanding how self-pity is utterly futile.

“On a personal level, if the people in my life – during my times of hardship – had shown me emotions and pity, instead of understanding and purpose, there’s a very strong likelihood I wouldn’t have made it through.”

Sometimes, I think it’s important to take a step back, and consider, that the emotionally charged things we experience outside of ourselves, often trigger something on the inside of our minds, we may be hiding from. In other words, where does our fear originate from when seeing the cripple, or the special child or death? Our fear of these things is very debilitating.

When we lose our fear, only then, are we truly able to offer practical assistance to those in need. If there’d been any level of fear from those around me, during my time of need, this would have manifested into the pity that may well have killed me. We offer people true and effective love when we ‘feel’ yet pull away from feelings that restrict practical action.

In Response to Emotions
In Response to Emotions

During recent times, it seems that our reaction to events, have been very extreme. From the annihilation of the innocent inhabitants of foreign countries to the childish and sentimental weeping at the death of a kitten.

When we lose total control of reason, and our emotions to boot, we’re completely ineffective. As further example, it sickens me to see the guilt ridden, sentimental appeals, charities use to drag money out of people’s pockets. It seems no one ‘gives’ unless guilted or made to ‘feel’ uncontrollably.

The charities in this country (UK), are just businesses using horrible manipulation in order to pay their employees wages, there is something fundamentally wrong here. A charity, and those working within it, must do – the act of giving their time – for nothing. If they don’t give this charitably (for free) it’s not a charity, it’s a business! When did we lose this distinction?

Charities are failing to understand the principle of: ‘you only have what you give.’ Giving of your time for nothing is about gaining the understanding and true value of time itself. Until we give something, we never understand it’s true value.

“No one has sufficient money to pay for my time. I’m not free when being paid I’m ensnared by my need. Make sense?”

So, in a nutshell, you’re most certainly not fucked up, and neither is anyone else who’s empathic and emotional, however, understand the things that trigger our internal fears helps us to help others, with true, empowering love.

Kindest regards AF א

The Locksmith Series #7 (look closely)

Emily and the weight loss Questions
Weight Loss

Emily was aware of the disembodied voice asking her questions, she’d already asked her’s: “Why am I am I over weight?” “Why do I keep eating all the wrong things when I know they’re bad for me?” “Why do I keep thinking I deserve a relationship but keep myself feeling unattractive?” “Why am I crying right now?”

The Locksmith had anticipated Emily’s questions, everyone who’d ever been to see him had questions, and of course he knew all about how important they were to his inquisitors, yet he also knew, it wasn’t so much the questions that mattered, but how you asked them.

He asked Emily to use her minds eye and imagine a leopard running through the jungle. Knowing the next question was potentially deceitful (as the animal itself was often seen) but with good intent, he asked her:

“How is it the leopard isn’t fat?”

“I know all about exercise!” exclaimed Emily, “I work out at the gym, but when I get home I eat a packet of fucking biscuits, sorry about my bad language,” she added.

Lord Harry, the little terrier curled up beside her, had raised his head. The Locksmith’s question had worked.

“Well, it must be that eating the packet of biscuits is doing something for you, satisfying you in some way. What is the feeling you experience just before you open the packet?”

“Just before I open the packet?”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before.”

“And now that you are?”

Emily was feeling exasperated, “Christ! . . . , sorry,” she said.

“So if I’m hearing you right the feeling you have is sorry,” said the Locksmith.

“No, no, I was apologising for using Christ’s name in vain, I keep swearing.”

“Yes, and if you were sorry, what would you be sorry for?” asked the Locksmith

There was a long pause before Emily answered that last question, she was waiting for some rather inexplicable angry feelings to subside. Once calm she repeated the question to herself: if I was sorry what would I be sorry for?

Finding her voice she said, “I’d feel sorry that I was opening a packet of bloody biscuits, that’s for sure! . . . sorry.”

“Um hum, that particular packet, or the packet before that one?” asked the Locksmith.

After a while Emily came to an understanding the Locksmith was looking to help her with; he was helping her understand the looping nature of guilt, and how guilt doesn’t tend to be ‘date stamped.’

“We can feel guilty for something that happened years ago, or hours ago, and the feelings associated with each incident can be no less intense or destructive,” he told her.

“What we must focus our attention on, is the first time we felt guilty, eating. Also we must focus on how something has changed from necessity to guilt.”

That last part didn’t make any sense to Emily but she was listening all the same, especially when he asked her: “Tell me about that first time; feeling guilty; eating to feel better.”

She didn’t want to say, but somehow, Emily found the strength: “It was after the first time he touched me,” she said. Now the tears had become a well.

To be continued…

Self-Esteem Building & Escaping The Past

“In my dream I’m riding a bike, it’s not any ordinary bike though, no, it’s got this strange canvas canopy built over the top. The frame of this canopy is made of a very light material, carbon fibre or aluminium. At first in the dream I’m thinking that it’s there, this canopy, to keep the rain off, but when I start to pedal I begin to take off, I begin to fly.”

We could think of the canopy as being our self-esteem. Yes, it keeps the weather off, yet it also enables us to fly. We fly provided we put in the required effort; in order to build up enough speed to get airborne, some hard pedalling is needed.

What exactly is this hard pedalling? Well beautiful reader, the hard pedalling represents the effort we must exert, in order to change our conditioned brain. Our conditioned brain, is the part of us that keeps our self-esteem, firmly on the ground. We prefer not to change, we prefer not to move on, and this is all due to the conditioning from those who’ve kept us on the ground, and of course, our own reluctance to make a shift. To make a change, and shift our lives into another gear, takes effort.

“For some it takes no effort at all: they simply decide what they want and where they need to be in the short term, or even the distant future, and they change. Simple.”

Yet for others, there’s this need to remain static, to remain comfortable with the status quo undisturbed. For these people the self-esteem canopy never gets enough wind beneath it, to lift them to those greater heights. Unimaginable heights, and that, is part of the problem.

An Infectious Disease

The human animal hunts the weak or vulnerable, this includes its own. We know there are those who use and abuse. We also know about the paedophiles, the rapists and the murderers; the extremists who value hate more than life itself; we know all about them. We must see them as part of human nature that we’re constantly looking to eradicate. The dilemma is, this kind of sickness, is infectious.

Infectious to the degree that we protect the abusers. We spend time with those who keep us stuck; those we feel some kind of allegiance to; some kind of responsibility or duty. Often, it’s family, we feel this kind of obligation toward. We stay close to those who keep our canopy of self-esteem from lifting us off the ground. We’re always pedalling uphill.

“How is it we’re unable to value ourselves sufficiently in order to break these destructive bonds? We’re unable because of conditioning and guilt.”

So how do we break from the past and its abusers? Well, quite simply, we just make a decision – empowered because we now feel informed. Now you know the truth, of why you’re not achieving, there’s no escaping it now.

Each time we defend our current position, we pedal a little harder. Each time we repeat old patterns, we pedal a little harder. All this pedalling is wearing us out. We catch colds, develop aches and pains; we become incapacitated. Our canopy of self-esteem is collapsing. The chain is beginning to rust. The air in our tyres is escaping. It’s all becoming too much.

But hope lies within; there’s a little glimmer of light. Part of you really knows, and is building the courage to push, just so you can reach the crest of that next hill, up there on the far horizon! The difference is the accepting. The accepting of the human condition. Your self-esteem canopy will fill with air; you will weep with the effort it takes. The effort it takes to understand this dreaded disease the lies dormant within us all. The hunting-disease we carry; the desire to prey on the weak and the vulnerable, so they become stuck too.

Distance yourself from the limitations of the past. You will achieve greatness you never dreamed possible. Contact Us.

Guilt and Hotspots (the empowerment conflict)

In a post entitled Ahhhhhhh… got me again! One of our members enlightened us to someone who enjoyed humiliating men. We’re glad to report that he hasn’t yet murdered her, however, if he’s allowed to stew much longer, we fear the worst. So with this in mind, we’re going to help him understand the, ‘for some strange reason’ of his predicament a little better.

hotspot
Hotspots!

We all have hotspots. That is to say, we all have some unresolved issues, buried deep within us, that others inadvertently tap into from time to time. If you haven’t yet read the post in question, then please do, and we’ll see you on your return.

Okay, welcome back. Now, as our member mentioned, he fully realises the issues Jilly potentially carries around with her, to include: loneliness, lack of confidence, love and a tendency to get off on humiliating people. A defence mechanism (or means to get people to reject her) no doubt taught her by the adults around her during childhood. What our member must also realise (to stave of the desire for murder) is that during his childhood he will of also witnessed those around him experiencing humiliation.

Stocks-300px
Stock Humiliation

Perhaps mother humiliated father, or the other way round, and he, as a sensitive child, also felt this. Perhaps this humiliation went further and he also experienced it from his peers. Unable to defend himself, as a child, whenever similar feelings are aroused within him, as an adult, anger is the result (outward expression of fear). It would seem the inability to defend himself against humiliation is still prevalent, resulting in, (dramatic drum roll please) murder in mind. It has been known for passive-aggressive people to resort to murder when their ‘kettle-boils-over,’ so to speak. Oh we hope we’ve saved you Jilly, you poor, lonely lass.

Finding hotspots, through the annoying traits of loveless people, can be a bit of a double edged sword; an empowerment conflict. We want to hate them, and we even harbour murderous thoughts, yet the fact remains, they’ve taught us something very useful and empowering about ourselves. They’ve raised to the surface some unresolved issue from our childhood, and once we’ve dealt with this, there can only be healthy repercussions.

Healthy, because the more we know about ourselves, the more we’re able to find calm peace of mind. Peace of mind can only be found when we’re one with ourselves; when we’re whole. So, Dear Mr Angry member, Jilly is a blessing to you my friend, so please don’t kill her.

When it comes to issues of unresolved guilt – and because we’re in a generous mood today – the conflict here is, that fully understanding the negative destructiveness of guilt, actually leaves us feeling a little frightened.

Frightened, because to suggest repressed guilt, increases our chances of becoming ill prematurely, and further suggests we have no choice. The reality is the opposite. If we were to give you examples of how guilt has led to cancer you would refuse to believe us (yet be assured there are many), so we’re not going to do that. What we will do though, is help you understand this: when we take responsibility for how we create our own disease – through repressing our guilt – we actually empower ourselves through increased choice.

“The guilt is the root – and the unhealthy lifestyle – the mechanism by which we’re shortening our lives.”

Even though this is the case, we could also give you examples of people who’ve died through repressing guilt, who actually led reasonably healthy lives. We’ll give you just one example to ponder on. You may remember this person: Jade Goody. Think about how long it took for her to die after the world taught her to feel guilty about her racism, bigotry and ignorance; racism and bigotry she will have been taught in childhood from those around her. If our parents were racist, there is a strong likelihood that on some level, we will be too. Many cancers are rooted in our childhood experiences, and to face this as fact, can be a very frightening reality.

“Therefore it’s much easier for us to see cancer as something that is beyond our control, with its roots lying anywhere other, than within our own bodyminds.”

hotspots

The current trend for researchers, geneticists and scientists to seek the cure for cancers – and many other diseases for that matter – as being rooted in understanding and changing our genes, is in fact correct, but only when we also see our genes, as something inherited through the bodymind link, and our life-experiences.

Those around us always hold the key to understanding ourselves better. Humans really do need each other, and the more annoying, the better. So get out there!

evil

A Malevolent Smile

evil
Were the Vikings evil? Or do we think them brave conquerors?

When it comes to personal beliefs, one thing I’ve always refused to believe in, is evil. It’s my belief that evil is often confused with fear or lack. Also, when we’re unable to explain away the actions of our fellow man, evil is often used as a ‘get-out-clause.’

“When we say: “What an evil person” this relieves us of our responsibility to the child they once were. We feel less guilt when we label certain individuals as evil.”

There is an important distinction for me to draw here: even though we may refuse to believe in evil, it doesn’t automatically follow, that the beliefs others may hold, doesn’t make evil relevant in the world today. In other words, others, who believe that evil exists, and indeed that it has a power, make evil, and the network of beliefs that built it, something that has force or energy. Believe in anything and we give that ‘anything’ energy.

Imagine you believed that evil has as much right, to be a relevant force here on earth, as the belief in love does. Imagine how it would be, believing the force of evil to be strong, and that following a path, the beliefs in evil dictate, will in fact get you all the things you desire here on earth. Imagine you believed that there was no such thing as love and that evil – inasmuch as self-centeredness is a correct way to be –  will award you a good if not fine standard of life.

“In fact, we don’t actually need to believe in evil at all, we simply need to lack the belief that it’s important to do the right thing by our fellow man, and that there is such a thing as the love of all people and love of truth.”

Is it not the case, that consideration for our fellow man, is borne of beliefs related to love? If we lack belief, this is simply as effective, as there actually being something like a force of evil.

Very recently I meet a famous individual. He’s very rich, very popular, flamboyant, and doesn’t shy away from exhibiting his wealth. Good luck to him you might say, and to some extent, I would agree. The only problem, I have with the financially wealthy though, are their lies. Be wealthy by all means, just don’t feel you need to protect yourself – or place yourself on some kind of pedestal – through lying. It is NOT money that makes wealthy people happy, it’s busy, creative lives, that does that. Never feed into the illusion, that wealthy people often project (to the young), that it’s their wealth making them happy.

“Buying into this illusion will ultimately lead to unhappiness, perhaps even despair. It’s no wonder so many of our young feel despairing. They’re being fooled by the lies of those who create illusion to maintain their popularity.”

Sure, money’s nice, it’s a lovely facilitator, however, some of the happiest people I’ve known in the past, would have been considered poor by modern standards. Believe it or not, the reason they, and those now like them, are happy and contented, is because they’re surrounded by love. It seems to me, that it can often be a one or the other situation: Love or Money; no doubt also a belief.

I feel we can take this slightly further than belief though. The reason I feel this way, is because of the evidence. If it’s simply the money you’re after, I really doubt you’ll be a happy, loving individual. Alternatively, if by consequence of being extremely good and happy with what you’re doing, you get rich, this is a different situation entirely.

Helicopter-Silhouette-3-800px
Arriving by helicopter isn’t all it’s cracked-up to be

The chemistry for being wealthy – and happy – is simply to have made your money through doing the things you love. What I sensed, from the pop star I recently met, was a high degree of arrogance and loneliness, (not to mention the malevolent smile). Money can no doubt offset a lot of loneliness – and excuse an arrogance the young look-up to – just be sure you make a lot of it, as fighting off loneliness, is an expensive business. Be wealthy, yet never believe you can Cheat-am all, all of the time, I’m not that easily fooled. א

pain, human emotions

Human Beauty: Emotions

Lens flare light. Cross on peak of Hoher Goell.
Mountain Peak of Hoher Goell (High Goell), The Alps, Austria Germany border.

We don’t really know what the other animals feel. When we see a female Elephant, tending its dead calf, we can’t ever know what she’s experiencing. Does she feel pain similar to the pain a human mother would feel at the death of her child? We doubt this, probably because it’s too hard for us to comprehend and accept. How would we cope with that?

We’d struggle to cope, because it’s possible to comprehend the pain, we would feel, at the loss of a child. And if animals felt this pain? What if nature was this cruel to all animals? We seem to think that because other animals don’t feel in the same way we do, that mother nature isn’t in fact as cruel to all things equally.

Mother nature might seem cruel, yet there is a gentle side to her also. She can display such beauty, all we need do, is see it. When it comes to us humans, our beauty lies in our ability to feel. Be this pain or joy our emotions are an extraordinary thing to consider. How much time do we spend considering human emotions, and in particular, the emotions of others?

I can tell you about a young boy, Bradley; I met him recently. He’s thirteen, very timid, small for his age, and very quiet. He makes a lot of mistakes and his mother doesn’t understand why. She thinks a counsellor or drugs might help. She tells me his father, who is no longer with her, used to blame him for lots of things; he even used to blame the child for the things that were going wrong in his own life; his own failings. To the boy, most things are now his fault.

“Bradley’s thirteen and he makes lots of mistakes.”

I feel for Bradley. In my past lives, I’ve been blamed, for many of the mistakes of others. What’s the expression? Oh yes … a stool pigeon: someone to blame for the errors of the world. Someone to hang for the sins of the fathers. It’s an easy burden when I see it for what it is. My burden is light, so hang it all on me, why don’t you?

And so I can sympathise with Bradley, he potentially has a shitty life ahead of him; his father is also a child, yet this doesn’t excuse his weakness. As much as possible and appropriate, I will intervene in order to lighten his load. He is a child after all. Can you feel his pain? Do you remember what it feels like to be a child?

“We need to remember if we’re to heal the wounds.”

I think about the pain there must be in losing a child. A recent story about how a beautiful little girl, four years old, was crushed under a runaway lorry; it’s brakes hadn’t been properly serviced. The owner of the haulage company, and his mechanic, have both been jailed for five and seven years respectively. Does this heal the wound? Does this make us more responsible for taking proper care? Our prisons are now full.

With all this said, it is in fact emotions that make us beautiful. The emotion I can feel when listening to a piece of music. The emotions I feel when I think of loved ones; now gone. The emotions I feel when laughing or crying or dancing or singing, are, in truth, remarkable. Pain, sadness or joy, it’s all of our emotions that make us beautiful.

We must never allow ourselves to stop feeling. There are those who’ve experienced a lifetime of blame and pain. These individuals will, in time, switch off their feelings. When we do this it’s time to die. Are we all dying because of the numbness? An unfeeling life. Are we living an un-life?

Wake and feel what it is to be a beautiful emotional being. A human being capable of such extremes of emotion and behaviour. An emotional being so embroiled in playing games of fear with each other, that we’re losing sight of the very things that matter: each other. Love each other and feel, or shrivel and die, a simple choice.

As for pinning the blame, go ahead, my burden is light. I’ll carry your cross again. א

Now Wash Your Hands

“It’s not love that hurts, it’s loss or fear or guilt that creates this pain. We must never fear loving people for the pain we believe it may create.”

total solar eclipse
Only love can hurt like this?

Take for example the guilt, pain and loss that’s caused through infidelity. When our partner is unfaithful we must never confuse the pain we feel as love. It’s the loss of our illusions that hurts.

Alternatively, if it’s us that have been unfaithful – and guilty because of this – we must make ourselves aware: an understanding of love is ultimately what we were seeking through our infidelity. We’re all constantly seeking to understand, when we understand it, we have it for ourselves; we find it within ourselves.

We are healed by love, never through recrimination, revenge or anger. If you click on the above image you’ll be taken to a very powerful, emotive song. ‘Love is torture makes me more sure’ is a powerful lyric, and yet the torture we experience, is our confusion of love.

You might think: ‘It’s just a lyric in a song man’ and if you do, hold on, because you’ll be underestimating the power of music.

Music is an expression of the human soul. Why do you think we hold musical artists in such high regard? Listen, and it’ll become clear who Paloma Faith loves: the people who’ve empowered her.

Youth and inexperience are the main culprits for painful relationships. When we understand that love is empowerment, we’ll be able to make some very useful decisions, well before the pain of losing illusions is experienced. We’ll not be setting up the illusions in the first place.

“When you truly love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them.”

Manipulation, control and gameplay are all there when we fear. Fear is in direct opposition to love. For clarity, hear this: when we look to care for another adult – because we believe we love them – we’re making a mistake. Caring and empowerment are two very different things.

“To love a child is to provide the most appropriate care and attention, to love an adult, is to empower them. We do this through loving and respecting ourselves as fully grown individuals.”

You may of seen or heard of those people who enable morbidly obese people through cooking copious amounts of unhealthy food for them. Or perhaps you’ve heard of those who buy drugs, (alcohol or whatever) for others, in the belief they’re helping and caring for them. This kind of enablement is created through fear, confusion of love, weakness and guilt. So often we keep our fellow adults stuck through caring for them in the belief we love them through caring.

“Teaching a fellow adult how to be a responsible, guilt free, whole human being, is to empower and love them.”

Love is empowerment, and as such an expression of love, is an act that’s free of guilt, fear and control. Consider the church and its leaders. They believe they love us, when in fact all they’re doing, is disempower and controlling us through their antiquated teachings and beliefs. Treat people like they’re fools and what will you get?

“The continuation of archaic beliefs keeps the mind stagnant.”

We can set ourselves free by washing our hands of antiquated ideals, teachings and confusion. Literally, go and wash your hands now, you no longer need the past, there is only now.

blackboard99

“Now we can understand: if you love someone, all you’ll ever want to do, is empower them, all the other nonsense is illusion created through fear.”

If you enjoy drama and the soap operas of life, you’ll no doubt be disappointed right now, however, when we remove all the childish nonsense from life, there are so many beautiful, imaginative and loving things we can be better getting on with – right now.

get what you give

Get What you Give

Golden easter eggs in nest on white wooden background

“How exactly do we fulfil what we believe? What exactly is the mechanism of belief? What is the crank that turns the wheels of self-fulfilling prophecy? How do we create our own pain and suffering?”

Looking at the media, and what it’s choosing to report of late, it’s fairly clear to see: what we must understand of us human beings, is that we’re all a pretty, rotten, bunch really. Abuse, mayhem, wars, anger, murder, terrorism, rage etc. are all the media are interested in reporting. It makes headlines, sells papers, and improves ratings.

Let’s face it, we all need to know just how miserable everybody else’s lives are, compared to our own. As long as everyone else is having a hard time – perhaps slightly more of a struggle than us – then we feel slightly better about our lot. This is why the horror all around us, reported and talked about on a daily basis, holds such fascination.

“Think about this: If all that was ever reported was good news, highlighting the wonders and delights of the world about us, how would we feel?”

In time, would it have the effect of depressing us, as we become increasingly aware of the misery of our own lives? If all we see are the extreme examples of suffering and misery, the media are so keen to report, the effect is to generate internal thoughts of this nature: ‘thank goodness I’m not suffering in that way, I’m so grateful for all that I have.’ GUILT.

The media, through what they choose to report, are saying: “just settle down now and be grateful for what you have”, even if this is the illusion of happiness created through being grateful we’re not suffering as much as everybody else. GUILT!”

Let me tell you something: the vast majority of people in this country/world are experiencing high levels of suffering and pain that a minority have managed to escape. They’ve escaped this suffering through becoming self-aware. In other words, every day they ask themselves some very important questions: how do I create my own pain and suffering? In what way are others teaching me GUILT?

Consider this: what do you imagine would be the best, most efficient way, of bringing out the worst in people? This may seem like a strange question, and yet it’s a very important one.

“The best, most efficient way of bringing out the worst in people, is to be one of the worst people yourself.”

That’s right, if you really put your mind to it, you could be the most obnoxious, hateful person it’s possible to be, and then you’ll certainly see all the worst aspects of human nature. You get what you give.

In this way, it’s possible to understand how – by believing the worst of people – it’s possible to bring out the worst in people. For example, in general terms, how do we feel toward abusers, rapists and murderers? Not very charitably that’s for sure. And so what do you imagine abusers, rapists and murders, believe (feel) about us, their fellow man? Do they believe human beings are loving, kind, generous and compassionate beings? Somehow I doubt it.  

It’s possible to take this understanding into many aspects of our lives. If we’re not getting what we want from life, we’d do well to ask ourselves: how do I do this? How do I do, I’m not getting what I want? In other words:

“The crank that turns the wheels of expectation, versus experience and accomplishment, is in fact you.”

If you’re not getting what you want – or need to be sure you’re not self-sabotaging your ambitions – be sure the crank is being turned in your favour, by questioning how it is you get, what you’re currently getting.

If all that’s a little bit too much to take in, consider this last thought. A man I once knew had an uncanny ability to wind-people-up, some would have described him as a ‘wind-up-merchant.’ In some respects a useful technique for a therapist (think emotional-provocation-equals-change) however, in everyday life, all the wind-up-merchant (antagonist) gets – if he’s unaware of his habit – is a confused sense of aggravation.

“Our wind-up-merchant learned this ability from his mother who would often antagonise his father, in order to try and wake him, to the desperate situation he and his family were in at that time.”

Also her inability to express anger (passive-aggressive personality) meant that expression, of this repressed emotion, was sought through the process of antagonising others.

In a strange kind of way, once others became angry, this held release for her; it released her fear. She was frightened and needed others to feel this way also. Similar to the, ‘I-hurt-so-you-hurt’ unconscious processing, of abusers and bullies.

9f

“We get what we give, so remember: give love by looking to empower all those we meet. In this way, we in turn become powerful, compassionate and loving people.”

To Love is to Empower. Be aware of the why and how you’re turning the crank of you and your beliefs. If you’re hurting, stop adding to this pain, by giving it to others; simply madness.

We will only ever ease our pain through expressing and teaching love; something the media are frightened to do – because this would change the world for the better – and what would they have to talk about then, do you think?