How to Defend the Empath

“A modern term banded about nowadays is that of being an Empath. It’s really just a way of describing those who have a particularly overblown sensitivity to the mental or emotional state of another”

One of the main reasons for this sensitivity, I believe, comes as a result of the empath being very in touch with themselves. Those of us who have a good understanding of what it is to ‘know oneself’ do tend to display above average empathic abilities.

There is of course disadvantage, as much as there is advantage, to being an empath. The empath can find themselves easily affected by the behaviour of others. They can also tend to be highly suggestible, and effected by others moods, to such a degree, they’re often swept along by the moment.

There are times when the majority of us, and not just highly empathic people, become all too aware of the unpalatable and unpleasant aspects of human nature. Under such circumstances, we must all know how to protect ourselves, from its effects.

We must distract ourselves by focusing our minds on the more positive aspects of human nature. Becoming more involved with the world around us will also help. Move attention, away from the feelings center, and more toward the other senses.

“I clearly remember telling a trainee therapist one time, how, if she ever felt emotional – at an inappropriate moment – she’d find it useful to look upward”

This is done in order to take the mind out of our feelings or kinesthetic sense. You’ll often see this when people are unconsciously seeking to control tearfulness. Conscious awareness of this phenomenon (of moving eyes upward) awards us greater control.

When it comes to greater control, one last thing for us to look at today, is that of how easily empathic people can be emotionally manipulated. This is simply due to their high degree of awareness: the moods of others become theirs. When others are sad so are they, when others are happy, so are they. With this in mind, the clever, abusive manipulator, has the empath in the palm of their hand.

“An uncomfortable paradox for the empath is they’ve often experienced neglect, and other kinds of abuse, during childhood”

And to add insult to injury, as adults, they can also easily find themselves in the hands of abusers. Paradoxically, this is due to survival skills established during childhood, creating vulnerability (if not understood) in adulthood.

Be aware: if you are empathic there are times when your mind, is quite literally, not your own. Taking back control involves detaching yourself from certain senses. Move your mind onto other things. Allowing yourself to be distracted from the moods of others, may be necessary, to take back control of your mind. As odd as it sounds, you may need to start caring, slightly less.

Control

“There needs to be a clear distinction between certain types of control”

Let’s start gently and talk about control over our minds. Mastery over our thinking, habits, behaviour and general mindset (what we choose to believe) is a Beautiful thing. That’s right, a Beautiful thing, because we’re then deciding of our future lives. We’re more able to exert discipline over our minds when we lose control of everything else. A Paradox. How this is achieved is something I’ll come back to.

In direct opposition to this is the mastery over somebody else’s mind. Many of us grow up in an atmosphere, where negative, forceful influence over each other and our minds, is the norm. As such, we then go on to seek relationships that are based on the types of behaviour we’ve witnessed as ‘normal’ in the past. We may not even know that what we’re doing is destructive and abusive behaviour toward others. It was, and is, the norm.

“The ways in which people seek to accomplish this are vast, and way beyond the scope of this short, blog post”

It’s fair to say, most of us look to exert our will, over that of others, to varying degrees. Fact; an unfortunate part of life, but part of the human condition, all the same. The trick, is to become so aware of our behaviour, that we’re then the master of ourselves alone. Ultimately, this is the only control you’ll ever really need. It’s worth pondering on.

Another limiting form of control is seeking to alter and manipulate circumstances that are uncontrollable. An easy example would be to think of that time you were running late. You’re late so you try and make up time by rushing around, speeding in your car, running for that bus, train and so on. You still end up being late, and probably over stressed, to boot. Lose control and just be late.

More often than not, if you’re generally a punctual person, you’re being late for a reason – beyond human awareness – that with hindsight, can be seen in a more positive light: The train you should have caught crashed, or there was a pileup on the motorway, you know the kind of thing.

Now to how we lose the need for control over others and circumstances. We need to lose the fear. The fear, is that we won’t get what we want; that we won’t be happy and satisfied in some way. The fear, that through losing control of others, or circumstances, we will experience physical or emotional pain; that we will lose out in some way.

“Think back to the example just given, of the train crashing, or the pileup on the motorway. When we choose to lose the fear, we actually experience less pain. Given our example, you might even lengthen your life”

We know life is full of paradoxes. We may want to avoid learning new ways of thinking about things – because this challenges how safe we feel – about the truth of the world we’ve created around us. Yet once again, by dropping what we think is the truth, we open up our lives in extraordinary ways, through seeing the truth. Believe it or not, there is a universal truth, most of us aren’t acknowledging.

To close, allow me to give you further example of fear, by teaching it in a positive light (yes fear can be a positive motivator). Get thinking about how you’re going to make our workshop in September. There will be many others, however, we know how precious your life is, so how can you possibly afford to waste time through procrastination? It could be said, procrastination is the unconscious intention to control others. Surely the worst of all? Complete the form to apply for your place.

A Beautiful Solitude

The Ego, Fragile Ego
Solitude: Get to Know The Self

“If everyone spent time in solitude the human condition wouldn’t be quite what it is”

It’s a human psychological weakness; looking to avoid solitude. So is the tendency for us to overtly or covertly seek the approval and attention of others. The ego dislikes time alone for this very reason; when alone, it might initially seem like there’s no opportunity for attention, or approval.

The job of the ego is self-reinforcement. That’s to say, everything the ego does, is a means of asserting what it knows. When we’re alone, the ego becomes vulnerable; open to doubt and questioning. Many people have talked about the discomfort they’ve felt during extended periods of solitude. After spending a night in a tent, alone, in the middle of nowhere, the famous comedian Billy Connolly once said: “You certainly have to deal with your demons on a night like that.”

“And so, solitude is a challenge for the best of us, however, once we understand the benefits – no matter the discomfort – this may give use the courage to conquer”

Breaking the spell, of uncontrollably craving the company, attention and approval of others, helps us overcome some fundamental weaknesses. When we know how to be alone, it puts us in a very, powerful position. There is a vast difference between those who seek power, in order to feel less alone, and those who have power through their ability to be there.

Consider how some world leaders behave. Their lust for power is driven by many things, at the root of this driving, is the unconscious longing for recognition and attention. This was something potentially missing during their childhood development, and so seeking it in adulthood, is simply a symptom of lack.

Alternatively, if we look at the likes of Obama, Kennedy, Thatcher, Mandela or Gandhi – to name just a few – we see a difference. I believe good leaders are made when there’s a genuine love of the people, rather than lack, within themselves. When we seek to control and dominate, this is driven by lack. When we love there’s a need to share this; setting others free. Love shares, fear takes.

When we understand how solitude helps us to gain control over our fragile egos, we move to gaining better control, over our instinctive drivings. Better control, over these drivings, increases our freedom. Being this free does in turn demand we better develop our imaginations. Think of all the free time we’d have! Once we have developed imaginations, and better control over our selves – through finding solitude – the world truly becomes our oyster.

A truly successful mind is one that appreciates the aloneness of the human condition. No matter how hard we try, if we didn’t receive the love and attention required during our developmental years, seeking this as adults, creates many a disappointment. The time for that. Has. Now. Gone.

Appreciation, of the power being alone can bring, will only come once we know solitude. The world is full of people seeking what they craved as children, only to find no satisfaction; whatever the methods employed.

Those who’re able to sit in solitude, with only their thoughts for comfort, will always have greater power, even than those lacking world leaders. It’s this power, of being able to take control of the self, that can change your world. Learn to appreciate A Beautiful Solitude. Give your self the attention it requires. Give your self the approval it requires. There’s really no one else able to do this for you, now you’re fully grown.

I Will Never Be Silenced

Shame and Guilt

“The control rods of shame and guilt are being used against the voices of reason”

It’s seems no matter if our opinion is reasoned and well thought out, shame and guilt are being used as a means of silencing, those who believe in the rights of the child.

“Reason is in fact the true control rod, yet when people stop listening to this, because it’s cold reality frightens them, the train starts to leave the tracks”

It is not homophobic to state the opinion: children have a right to be raised by a mother and a father. It’s just an opinion. If you don’t like it, come up with a counter argument, but don’t look to silence and control free speech through guilt.

It’s believing we have a right, to anything we want, irrespective of the rights of others, that’s creating the human rot so often seen throughout history. Control and ownership gone mad is war. Millions have lost their lives fighting this and many more will no doubt continue to. Isn’t it about time we started respecting those who gave their lives for our freedom, by protecting free speech? We’re still fighting a war of sorts right now.

“When victims refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever, and look to understand their part in matters, we have the north south of victim driven mentality”

Taking responsibility empowers us to protect ourselves. When victims point the finger of blame and say: this is all your fault, they become powerless. Power is when a rape victim says: “yes I drank too much and next time I’ll be sober, carrying a fucking rape alarm.” Stop thinking there is no such thing as the human animal, there is. If we fail to protect ourselves through our naivety, we must acknowledge and accept this failing, or fail over and over again.

Stopping free speech, because we’re frightened of the truth, (or our own homophobia, remember what criticism is) creates a society that’s driven by the repression of ignorance. When we refuse to acknowledge cause and effect we add to this ignorance.

“It’s important we really start to take a close look at what we are in fact doing. When we take away the black and white of boundaries, and the proper respect of nature, we muddy the waters, to such an extent, we’re endangering our very survival”

You might think that last statement a little dramatic, however, if we don’t learn the lessons from the past, they’ll keep repeating themselves. From experience, I can tell you, this is a horrible prospect. Control and ownership are the most distasteful human diseases. The human need for these traits is so powerful they can gently and subtly creep into society without our noticing them. These traits, will always be there in the background, we must learn to spot them quickly.

“Our tendency to deny truth is the war we must fight”

Truth sets us free, so how is it we struggle so much with this? Because it hurts, that’s why. We struggle to accept that our self-centeredness may be denying our children the future their genes decided for them. We struggle to accept, we simply cannot have everything we want, without their being a cost. A cost we’d rather not acknowledge.

The cost, is we lose our fight for the rights and freedom for all, before we’ve even started. This includes unborn children. Self-centered ownership of our children is saying: the needs of the few, are greater than the needs of the many; another disease of humanity.

Aware, The Nissan Anti Theft System (NATS)

Aware
Being Aware and Raising our Awareness

Being Aware and Raising our Awareness

So you decide to go shopping – including cake and coffee on the way – jump in your supper reliable Nissan Micra, only to find that after travelling 200 yards down the road, the Nissan Anti Theft System (NATS) activates and everything stops. You look down at the dashboard and become aware of a silly little light flashing away and eventually you work out what the little light means: It translates to ‘You’re Buggered.’

On searching the internet all is revealed: as these cars get older the NAT System starts to malfunction. Loads of suggestions are put forward as to how this can be remedied, from disconnecting and reconnecting the battery (already thought of that one) to leaving the ignition on and then speaking very nicely to your car whilst doing a little dance in the street. None worked incidentally, although the dancing was fun!

As you can probably imagine, what commenced after Nissan’s untimely ‘Lock Down,’ was an entire afternoon taken up with pushing, towing, and phone calls to garages. As I write, the poor little Micra sits on a garage forecourt, awaiting being plugged into their diagnostic whatsayamacallit. So much for cake and coffee, the shopping can wait.

This brings me to the analogy I like to spot in most of each days event – give everything a reason, other than the obvious (it’s time to change a worn out Micra) – and life becomes a little more interesting.

Locked Down is something many people are. They’re locked out of their own minds. My experience with the Micra is how it must feel to have poor awareness. Powerlessness. We’re powerless when we have poor awareness.

Nissan-Qashqai-nats-security-warning-dashboard-lightThe Nat System works through having an awareness, through varying sensors, of whether things are as they should be or not. If the system suspects there’s a problem the NATS immobiliser signals to the Engine Control Module (ECM) which then inhibits starting. 

“Think of our NAT System as our awareness. A form of defence against invasion and harm from others. Awareness inhibits control of our system (mind) by others.”

All kinds of issues can arise, within the bodymind, through our lack of control and manipulation by others. If we’re unable to spot the dangers, of what can be inflicted on us by better aware humans – who may harbour malicious intent – we end up being used and abused; only to wonder why we feel so limited and incapable all the time. Our NAT System is reliant on our awareness.

The diagnostic tool we have at our disposal is easily employed. All we need do is ask ourselves some simple things. We need to ask ourselves: Am I getting what I want out of life? Do those around me help or hinder my quest? Am I succeeding? Are my relationships fulfilling? To what extent am I driven by the things that seem beyond my control?

That last question is very important. Through increasing our awareness we become enlightened as to how we can be simply acting out those things our id (primitive instinct) wants. As such, these final questions are just as important: Are my actions driven by a lack of awareness (a faulty NAT System). Is my power being taken from me by those around  me?

“Be aware, the human animal has had many thousands of years to perfect his methods of ‘locking down’ his fellow man. We fix the defence mechanism by raising our awareness.”

The Privileged Running our Lives

“If you think of yourself as a bit of an underdog, unlucky or underprivileged person, then that’s exactly what you’ll be.”

In fact, your mind will go out of its way, to constantly prove this to you, and to make matter worse, it will expend large amounts of energy in the process. Energy that could be put to far better use.

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The ways in which your mind will seek to prove your unlucky and underprivileged stance in life are numerous. One of the ways this is done, is through engaging with the forces that would prefer you remained the unlucky, underdog. And believe me, those forces are out there.

Take money. Unless you’re a very canny and thoughtful individual, the idea of living in the black, (living in a positive financial situation without debt) can prove very challenging. Credit is everywhere, and it’s very easy to get. Buying a car worth thousands of pounds, for example, has never been easier.

When we’re young we’re very attracted to the kind of lives the media project as normal, and all just so long as we have good credit (if there can ever be such a thing.) The latest gadgets, clothes etc. cost big money, and if we don’t have them, we’re taught to feel incomplete. If, at the very least, you don’t look wealthy, society looks to prove that you’re an unlucky loser.

One of the biggest forms of conditioning has to be television. Mainstream telly, in particular the BBC, seems to set out the rules under which we should be living our lives.

“The BBC is run by the elite ruling classes, and is set up in such a way, that they often employ individuals from upper class, privileged backgrounds, with expensive educations. The expression ‘jobs for the boys’ certainly fits this organisation.”

The news today has revealed further interesting facts about the British Broadcasting Corporation’s activities. We can now clearly see the inherent sexism and elitism that goes on within this organisation. A former BBC Chairman (Lord Grade) has proved himself to be a low-grade human by describing the – necessary transparency – of a publicly funded organisation as “distasteful and disturbing.” Many, within the BBC, have really got a little ahead of themselves, have they not?

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British television is all about telling us what we haven’t got, rather than helping us understand, how different the realities of life can be, when we’re without wanting. Perhaps that sounds a little heavy, yet when wake up and open our eyes, it’s possible to see the propaganda of the machine that’s running us.

When we’re constantly facing a barrage of information from the media, that unconsciously tells us we’re lacking in some way, inferiority is the result. We’re then back to being the unlucky, underprivileged and because this is so subtle and unconscious, we often don’t quite understanding why.

“A little secret I can let you into at this time is, the easiest way of breaking free, from a current mindset of inferiority, is to simply turn off the television.”

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This is only a small sample of how our beliefs self-fulfil. We are what we believe we are, and the progression, toward the more positive, begins to happen once we understand how we find fulfilment, of the negative. After an evening of watching television, you may not feel particularly good about yourself, and yet not understand why. Raise your awareness, and be cautious of the machine that’s running you; take back control.

finding clarity

Take Your Mind Out of Confusion

Clarity

The key to finding clarity is specifics. Be specific, ask yourself: ‘What specifically do I want?’

We live in confusing times. We’re constantly receiving mixed messages from those around us. Be it politicians, work colleagues, managers or peers, all seem to be telling us different things, and giving us conflicting advice.

The media are most to blame in terms of these confused and mixed  messages. You might wonder why this is. Why do the media and so many others seem to be sending such confusion out? The short answer to that question is, they’re simply confused themselves.

Let’s take a recent example: The fifa debacle over poppies and the right of football players to display them on Armistice day. Fifa’s secretary general, Fatma Samoura stated: “Britain is not the only country that has been suffering from the result of war.” If you think about this statement for a moment, you’ll see how it politicises the whole issue. The very reason fifa cited for banning the display of poppies in the first place. It brings to mind the expression ‘all criticism is self-criticism.’ There is nothing further to say of Fatma and her response.

“So confusion is something constantly sent out from the confused. We can ask: Why are so many people currently living in a state of confusion? What does confusion actually do for us?”

If we’re maintaining a state of mind, or it’s being maintained by the forces that be, we can be sure that it’s serving some kind of purpose. Believe it or not, confusion can be seen to have value. Consider what’s being done, and what changes are actually taking place, whilst we’re all confused? Exactly. Nothing.

When we’re confused, unsure of which direction to take, or which choice to make, the best response is often to just freeze and do nothing. We’re being kept in a kind of stasis through confusion. It’s either that, or we make bad decisions, and take the worst choices, through being ill informed.

The remedy or antidote, obviously, is to take our minds out of this state by finding clarity. We do this through specifics and then listening to the correct guidance. The correct guidance comes from our own clear thinking. We have clear thinking when we exclude the confused messages. In other words, decide to block out mixed, confused and conflicting messages.

Here, is a clear, exact and important message for clarity:

“The confused are those who are frightened. They’re frightened because they have little control over their own minds and ego. Their grasping battle for power over others, is being played out through sending out confused, mixed and conflicting messages. There’s currently a vicious downward cycle of confusion being perpetuated, through their fear, of losing control.”

Clarity

Take back control through the rule of exclusion (see my previous post) and you’ll find instant relief. Once in a clear calm, rational state of mind, ask yourself again: ‘What specifically do I want?’

Importance of improved parenting

Parenting or Government Dependency

Importance of improved parenting
Importance of improved parenting

The topsy-turvy world we live in and the need for improved parenting

Opening our eyes to the real reason for increasingly restrictive governmental controls, is likely to raise our awareness, to the need for improved parenting skills. The more dependent we become on government, through the shirking of more and more of our responsibilities as parents, the weaker we all become.

Governmental controls – be it sugar tax, authoritarian policing or more restrictive laws – are being implemented, simply because of the increased responsibility government feels. Indeed, it may well be the case, that government is happy to see this increased responsibility, and our subsequent dependency, as this increases their power. We could say, as a result of our blindness to these matters, there is now a mentality of fascism, insidiously growing and creeping unseen into government policy.

“Right now the need for improved parenting skills is greater than it’s ever been. If we continue to shirk our responsibilities, with our understanding and skills as parents becoming lost and confused, we hand over ever more of our power to government.”

Change, can at times be slow, and this is no more evident, than in our need (or that of the elite) to determinedly hold on to our antiquated class system; a system that’s as much alive today as its ever been.

We have the privileged and we have the underprivileged, or working class and middle class; the third option, upper class, is something of a joke these days, and it would be a mistake to think this status is only measured in terms of finances.

For example if we’re raised in an environment lacking in proper emotional boundaries, between adults and children, where positive adult role models are missing and/or where feelings of safety, security and love are also lacking, then we’re most certainly one of the underprivileged, and money may have no baring on this whatsoever.

“In fact family environments where money is scarce, yet where there’s an abundance of love, always do better than those poor in both comfort and love.”

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To take the topsy turvy out of society would be to educate the underprivileged into understanding why they’re considered so (the elite and their need to restrict education for control).

To educate children about how to think and fully understand cause and effect – as apposed to what to think, and the do now, think later principle – is part of the solution. Continuing to reinforce our collective, limiting beliefs, and building on our failing methods of policing society, is no answer at all. Policing and laws will never bring about emotional maturity.

“Emotional maturity comes from effective role models in the home.”

Emotionally stunted adults raising children is just part of our current disastrous and messy recipe.  Until we teach our children, about the benefits of thinking skills and emotional maturity, our police force and laws will continue to become increasingly intrusive and authoritarian (think Big Brother).

Spec ops police officersSWAT

When it comes to the belief systems, that directly influence our expectations and experiences of life, they’re easily changed when we’re told: it’s okay to question them, and their origins, at a very early stage.

“For example, many of our belief systems relating to religion, politics, family life, what it is to be successful in this world, and how to get there, are in fact extremely restrictive.”

Now, although all of this may sound very accusatory or judgemental, it’s not until we open our eyes, and take collective responsibility, will we begin to make the necessary adjustments in current, dysfunctional thinking.