Confused and Contradicted?

“If you spent most of your life, feeling confused and contradicted, what do you think would be the long term effect?”

Insanity is one option, however, the favoured one has to be silence. That’s right, if, whenever you’ve given an opinion of fact – or otherwise – and you’ve found yourself contradicted, eventually, you’ll simply stop talking. So damaged will your self-esteem be that you’ll just give up. I’ve met a lot of very quiet elderly people. Eventually they say: “What’s the point in talking to these fuckers when I’m either wrong or ignored?”

What, if during any kind of discussion – be it heated or calm and constructed – things you’ve said in the past are brought up? How does it feel to have your face constantly rubbed in the nonsense you’ve said in the past? From being foolish in our youth, to mistakes in adulthood, most of us feel some residual guilt. In this respect, do you wish everything you’ve ever done or said, could be just deleted?

“There is actually a way to do that. You could just move on. Move away from those who confuse and look to bring you down through constant contradiction or guilt”

The other way though, is to find understanding (and probably still move on). Why do those around you contradict nearly everything you say? Incidental, they might not be doing this directly, there are some very subtle ways this is done, so you may not consciously recognise it. You might just feel put down and unconfident and not fully understand why. Eventually, even criticism becomes the norm. We stop hearing it, and just feel it, as anger disappears down into self-loathing and depression.

“Back in your basket naughty boy, how dare you try and rise above me!”

Consider how you feel, when giving an opinion, only to find someone else has already said it. Or indeed someone else has a slightly different or better take on what you’ve just opined. We can also have the strength of our opinions and expertise brought down simply by them being ignored. Get ignored enough, and you either realise what you’re saying is complete bollocks, frightens people, or it might just be a load of old hat. If it is, shut the fuck up, or you’ll find what you seek: confirmation of the belief you’re nothing important. 

The other side of this is, if we don’t have the good manners to hear someone’s opinion, and recognise it to be the right one, (everyone’s opinion is correct) this will be due to our own fragile ego. It could well be that we’re frightened of someone reaching higher ground than ourselves. As such, we look to confuse and contradict them, in an attempt to keep them at our level. If this is the case, we’re not doing ourselves any favours, the eventual break-up, will be far more painful. When we look to control others, the pain is far greater, when they eventually leave. This is due to the enormous amounts of effort and energy we’ve expended looking to trap them.

If you want to get along, never contradict anyone. You may feel they’re incorrect, however, think about your own beliefs and opinions, are they correct? Of course they are, so give everyone else the honour of seeing their opinions, as being correct too.

In my humble opinion, the definition of insanity, is not just the habit of doing the same things over and over again expecting different results, it’s not knowing what you’re doing, and how you affect those around you, that’s the real insanity.

Contact Us if you’d like to raise your self-esteem and cure insanity.

The Infectious Nature of Insanity

“Imagine being in the company of a work colleague who constantly criticises someone else you work with”

Every morning all you hear is negatives and criticism over and over again. The effect of this, over time, is very interesting. You actually start to have the same negative thoughts about a colleague, you barely ever see, and certainly know nothing about. In fact all you do know, about this colleague, is he’s supposedly an idiot. This opinion has been placed upon you by proxy. It’s second hand information and incorrect at that.

The information is incorrect in respect of it being someone else’s opinion. To make matters worse this opinion is from your manager. The reality of the situation is, it’s the inability of the manager to properly train your colleague, that’s the real issue. He can’t do his job properly because the manager can’t do theirs. So poor are things now, and so lacking in resources is this manager, that the solution found is to resort to a playground game.

The manager has resorted to alienating all other members of staff against him. This is the game. It’s now at such a stage, that he makes mistake after mistake, and all picked up on by his alienated colleagues. He either leaves by his own volition (if he even has that left) or eventually gets sacked. A case for constructive dismissal if there ever was one.

“We can apply the same infectious nature to insanity”

For example, spending time with someone insanely confused. If you were to spend enough time with someone locked into such a state – about nearly every aspect of their lives – you too would become confused and uncertain. If your time was exclusive to such an individual it would only makes matters worse.

Imagine living on a ward within a psychiatric hospital. Your sane to begin with, but how long do you think it would take, for you to become confused too? Days, months or years? I think we’d all be surprised how quickly – the insanity of confusion and uncertainty – would take effect.

The nature of uncertainty in a mind that’s never known certainty is extraordinary. In such a mind, the myriad of options – presented to all of us each day – creates a kind of hell. Not knowing which way to turn, at every, any and each junction presented to us, creates a stress most of us would be unable to deal with. Unsurprisingly, once such a person actually does make a decision, it’s invariably the wrong one. Wrong, because that’s what they’ve been taught.

During their childhood every decision, opinion and choice, was knocked out of them by a controlling parent. According to this parent, every decision they did eventually make, had some element that was incorrect. Imagine years of this kind of abuse. In time you’d not know your head from your toe, and would require some kind of outside assistance, in order to cope with life.

“The alternative solution, to outside assistance, would be to reduce the number of options available”

The tendency then would be to close down life in an attempt to escape confusion (hello psychiatric ward). Life is all about options and choices, indeed the saying goes: “In your choices lies your talent.” Consider how an inability to make good choices, coupled with the belief those made are always incorrect or poor, creates a no win situation. The outcome a controlling parent wanted in the first place: Total control over the mind of a child. A monstrous act created by a monster. Their really are monsters out there. Murder is nothing of a crime compared to this. I’d rather be dead than confused all the time.

Thankfully I’m alive and rational enough to share my understandings and realisations with you and the rest of the world. These realisations have been achieved through decades of studying humans and their minds. Be cautious of who you choose to spend your time with. Contact Us.   

Why Does It Matter? (The Transgender Issue)

Parenting

“It seems clear to me, and many others, that little girls and boys are adept at getting what they need. Food, warmth, shelter and above all, attention. All of this adds up to love”

Children are dependent on those who care for them. They surely soon come to understand this, to the degree, they will do all within their power to receive it. How much power children have is of course debatable, yet to me, a child’s power will always be the greatest of all. I say this, because a child is able to focus our love for them, in ways an adult couldn’t possibly.

We recognise their vulnerability through dependence and need. It’s our instinctive need to care for our young. We love how they’re an extension of us. When we love ourselves, this is extended, to the mini versions of us we’ve created. All of these things add up to the importance of us doing the very best by our young.

Doing our best includes gaining understandings of how our minds work. When we understand some very simple principles, we empower ourselves with more choice, and potentially increase our skills when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well grounded children.

“When children have the influence of both a mother and a father they’re better able to find an identity that fits with the one they’ve been assigned at birth”

When a child is raised by just one parent there is an increased likelihood of them wanting to identify with the sex of that parent. The intelligent human brain is very adept and gaining what it needs for survival.

The child-brain picks up on the unconscious signals from its carers. If the message and signals are construed as: mummy wants a little girl, for example, the child will seek to be the object of its mothers desire, regardless of what sex it was assigned at birth. Remember, all that matters to the child, is survival. Survival that’s dependent on the love, care and attention it receives, from carers. The more attention the better.

If you watch this short clip, relating to the transgender issue, take a moment to ponder on the dynamic of mother and child within this single parent family.

What parents often forget are the unconscious signals they project onto the child. The child’s mind is an empty void open for whatever the adults around it are likely to project.

I often think of the time walking behind a young mother in the street some years ago, she violently chastised her five year old daughter for being “Such a little bitch.” At five, it’s impossible for a child to be a ‘little bitch.’ She may be inconsiderate to her siblings, until taught otherwise, she may be self-centered, until taught otherwise, she may be naughty, until taught otherwise, but a bitch? Hardly. Remember: all criticism is self criticism.

And so, as a parent or potential parent, we must understand, the greatest skill a child exhibits is getting its needs met. The closer it can get to a parent, the better. It will do this by any means. Good behaviour, bad behaviour, gentle, sweet, rowdy, violent, transgender, whatever. The behaviour is irrelevant, as long is it gets attention.

“In the mind of the child, attention equals love and it will fight to get what it needs. Even to the point of becoming a little girl, when born a boy, and definitely if this beats their siblings to it”

When the child exhibits confusion over its identity a parent must make it clear they are loved and cared for just as much for being a boy or girl respectively. The child’s mind, at such an early stage in its development, is ill equipped to make a decision over gender. That is not the job of the child; genes have already decided this. We must see the advantage in having this kind of decision taken out of our hands. Yes the brain may disagree, however, this is due to the things I’ve now explained. 

The question still remains: why does it matter? Why indeed. Well, as I see it, there’s plenty of confusion in the world already. For parents to add to this, with poor ability to set boundaries and failure to understand the projection of their own minds, is abuse through neglect. This is how I see it.

Setting boundaries and being parents, instead of ‘best mates’ to our children, is imperative. Without this, children grow into adults robbed of a future their genes have decided. If my little boy wanted to be a girl I’d simply explain like this:

“As you grow older your choices will increase, for now you are in my care, and this is how it needs to be. You are a boy. The decision was made before you were born, and I will do my best to be the man you’d like to be, once you’re grown. I love you for what you are”

It is a parents responsibility to recognise their duty to our children. The child is not the sex parents want it to be, (consciously or unconsciously) or what sex the underdeveloped mind of the child wants to be. The child is what mother nature has decided, and to be fee from confusion, we must always encourage this. Simple.

Simple is Beautiful

Simple

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This is a simple tyre pressure gauge. Some will say, that since digitalization and the invention of plastics etc., the design of this tool has been superseded. In some respects they may be correct, however, how critical is the pressure in your tyres? This gauge is accurate to +/- 2 psi. Good enough? Changes in tyre temperature, leading to pressure change – that you have no control over – will easily exceed this.

Sticking With Simple

Do we have too much choice in life? How many more products, and people looking to make money from redesigning these products, do we need? Can-openers are another example, and how many different types of vacuum cleaner or lawnmower, do we really need? Surely we need to keep things simple?

What does having too much choice actually do? Does it create uncertainty and confusion? How much more time do we now spend in the supermarkets that were designed to help us save time? How much of our time is used up considering what we want – because we know we need it to make us feel happy – from the vast array of products on the market today.

Simple is Beautiful
Simple is Beautiful

All I wanted was a simple tool to check the pressure in my motorcycle tyres. Once in the store I was confronted with a whole bay devoted to differing pumps, gauges, and gadgets to help with this quest. Of course all these products were pitched at varying prices; the product I chose, is the one pictured, and even though this is made out of a material (steel) that will last way beyond the time I have left here on planet earth, it was the cheapest! Work that one out.

It all comes down to manufacturing costs I suppose, and yet it’s staggering to think that the most hardy – and sufficiently accurate tool – is often the least expensive. How to use this tool is also a reflection of its simplicity.

Simple is beautiful, and when something can’t be reduced-down any further, to make it work any better or more efficiently, it ought to be left well alone. The simplest, most powerful and efficient tools, will always stand the test of time. Another analogy from my day.

What if. . .

what if
What if there were no confusion?

What if you believed with absolute certainty that what you read on this blog is the truth and nothing but the truth?

What if there were absolutely no ambiguity, fuzziness, vagueness, uncertainty or grey areas whatsoever, about what’s being said here, and all that you read is spoken by THE authorities on the subject matter at hand?

What if all the work time and energy put into this blog were solely based on one thing? What if that one thing were the pleasure the writers receive from empowering and freeing the reader? Could you believe such a thing?

“Ambiguity, fuzziness, uncertainty and grey areas have the effect of leaving us confused. Man, in a confused state, is weak.”

When it comes to belief and certainty, something very powerful occurs, when the two are brought together. Add positivity and usefulness to these beliefs and we have a formula for empowerment.

Using the example of religion, certainty is one of the reasons why religions, of all descriptions, have gained such a powerful foothold in the past. Religions are taught in such a way that no uncertainty or ambiguity is allowed to remain: This is the word of the Lord etc. Whether what religion has to say is true or not, is, to a certain extent, irrelevant. It’s the belief in its authority and authenticity that matters to the believer.

Christianity is a powerful example. What this religion is supposedly based on, is the teachings of a man who claimed to be the son of God. And believe you me, if you grew up with all the people around you convinced you were in fact the son of God, (repeatedly saying so) you’d certainly have a high degree of neurosis to deal with.

Considering how difficult finding a good Therapist would likely prove back then, you’d probably just get on with the job, of fulfilling the beliefs of others. As it should happen, this man, who believe he was the son of God, did have some very powerful things to say. The fact that Christians pay little heed to these teachings, is neither here, nor there, in the 21st century.

“So when positive and useful beliefs, certainty, authenticity and authority come together, we have a powerful formula.”

Religion went wrong when men, who lusted for power, got their grubby little mitts on it. Men have always needed power over other men and religion has proved to be one of his favourite vehicles for achieving this aim. Of course, the conscious rationalisations for why men and women get ‘called’ into religion, is always cited as the desire to help fellow man etc. Sure, there have been some selfless examples of this, however, they’ve been easily overshadowed by the simple need for men to overpower others; children included. Power is an illusion admittedly, but in the eyes of the believer, it’s power all the same.

Now, let’s get to understand the power of confusion a little more. When we take an interest in a subject, there’s often a compelling desire, to learn as much as we possibly can about it. We read books and manuscripts, we go to seminars, lectures and talks, we get so lost in the subject, that we end up having information coming out of our ears. With there being so much of this information, written or spoken, by so many individuals, all claiming to be the authority, the common result is confusion. We don’t know who best to listen to or read. We’re unsure of who or what is the absolute authority on our subject. This sense of confusion and overload weakens our overall understanding of it. In particular the workings of the human mind and The Psychology of Beliefs.

And so…

“The effect of cutting out all the surrounding white noise of confusion, and choosing just one authoritative, definitive guide on your subject, is to take out the confusion.”    

So back to our opening what if questions. What if you absolutely believed in the authority, authenticity, honesty and integrity of the following words…?

“The power to heal yourself, exists within you, and ultimately, it’s only you that can do the fixing.”

Every illness or problem you experience serves some kind of purpose. Once you become aware of the purpose, as driven by the part of your mind (unconscious) that’s been misinformed through limiting beliefs, uncertainty and confusion – then clear up this confusion and remove the limiting beliefs – you will solve the problem or heal the illness effortlessly. In addition, once you believe and fully understand this, you will have no further need to hand over your power to another person ever again.

cropped-love.jpeg

If we have nothing to gain, but the pleasure of seeing you heal through the empowerment of love, why would we say this if it wasn’t true? Imagine we have no ego. Imagine we have nothing to gain but selfish pleasure. Now imagine, what we’ve just said, is true.   

stopconfusion
Rid yourself of those whose motivation you cannot be certain of.
Understand Confusion

The Insanity of Confusion

Understand concept
Understand by Taking out the Con-fusion.

This is a subject I’ve written about before, yet feel it so important, that returning to it once again, has become a necessity.

“It’s almost as if confusion is the goal, and I find this interpretation, terrifying.”

Over the last ten years of my life, the direction in which I’ve been headed, has shifted and changed many times. The main reason for this has been uncertainty – of the best route to follow – and so testing, or tasting the flavour, of each potential direction, has been important.

This differs in some respects to being, and remaining, in a state of uncertainty or confusion. Total confusion is a feeling I have experienced. During absolute confusion the mind loses itself, for a short time, until something forms for the mind to grab hold of. A clear concept or idea, that the mind can hold to, takes us out of confusion.

Let’s use the following example. Imagine being on the phone with an insurance agent. This insurance agent is considered to be the most successful salesman in the customer-service-telesales office. His technique is to confuse. He offers the customer so many different options and delivers these options, and his questions, in a rapid quick-fire manner.

So confused are his customers, after a five minute, mostly one-way conversation, that they’d swear an allegiance to Donald-gamesmaster-Trump, and give vast amounts of their cash for a shit insurance policy, to boot. In fact, confusion – in a controlled, clinical environment – is a phenomena well understood by the skilled Hypnotherapist, who uses it to induce a hypnotic state, to then instill positive suggestions for change!

“This differs greatly to the confusion generated by a skilled insurance agent.”

Once our salesman has confused and bamboozled us sufficiently, he then presents us with an option, that isn’t necessarily for our benefit, or anything to do with our better good, but is only for his benefit through upping the size of his monthly bonus. The confused and tired mind blindly accepts.

mindcontrolblackboard

When the general public are confused – and potentially confused out of living their lives to the full, and spending money wisely – the overall effect is control. When we neither know whether we’re coming or going, so to speak, the end result is often to simply do nothing, or worst still, just follow any option for a quiet life. Some of us are so confused we’re disempowered to the point of submission to the powers that be.

“If you don’t have control over your mind, someone else will.”    

A submissive, confused society, is the ideal society to govern as they’ll pretty much accept any decisions made, simply for a quiet life. How tired and confused are we at receiving the conflicting messages we currently do?

Spend time in a supermarket, clothes shop or even a bed showroom and notice the confusing amount of choice. When confronted by so much choice what do we do? Do we make a wise decision, or one that gets us out of a confusing and uncomfortable situation?

Too many options and confusing conflicting advice is detrimental to our health. Ask yourself this: what is the outcome to constant, tiring confusion? Compliance? You bet it is.

When we take the time to simplify our lives, looking back, we can clearly see the state of confusion most people are in. As a species I believe we need structure, guidance and boundaries, that are based on the opposite of control: Freedom.

“Structure, guidance and appropriate boundaries, have nothing to do with being controlled by others, and everything to do with teaching us how to control our minds so we may set ourselves free, from the constraints of confusion.”

We find freedom when we notice – through raising our awareness – the volume of conflict and confusion there currently is in the world today. We must never take the easy route, and submit to following the crowd, because we’re confused. Break free, notice and decide.

finding clarity

Take Your Mind Out of Confusion

Clarity

The key to finding clarity is specifics. Be specific, ask yourself: ‘What specifically do I want?’

We live in confusing times. We’re constantly receiving mixed messages from those around us. Be it politicians, work colleagues, managers or peers, all seem to be telling us different things, and giving us conflicting advice.

The media are most to blame in terms of these confused and mixed  messages. You might wonder why this is. Why do the media and so many others seem to be sending such confusion out? The short answer to that question is, they’re simply confused themselves.

Let’s take a recent example: The fifa debacle over poppies and the right of football players to display them on Armistice day. Fifa’s secretary general, Fatma Samoura stated: “Britain is not the only country that has been suffering from the result of war.” If you think about this statement for a moment, you’ll see how it politicises the whole issue. The very reason fifa cited for banning the display of poppies in the first place. It brings to mind the expression ‘all criticism is self-criticism.’ There is nothing further to say of Fatma and her response.

“So confusion is something constantly sent out from the confused. We can ask: Why are so many people currently living in a state of confusion? What does confusion actually do for us?”

If we’re maintaining a state of mind, or it’s being maintained by the forces that be, we can be sure that it’s serving some kind of purpose. Believe it or not, confusion can be seen to have value. Consider what’s being done, and what changes are actually taking place, whilst we’re all confused? Exactly. Nothing.

When we’re confused, unsure of which direction to take, or which choice to make, the best response is often to just freeze and do nothing. We’re being kept in a kind of stasis through confusion. It’s either that, or we make bad decisions, and take the worst choices, through being ill informed.

The remedy or antidote, obviously, is to take our minds out of this state by finding clarity. We do this through specifics and then listening to the correct guidance. The correct guidance comes from our own clear thinking. We have clear thinking when we exclude the confused messages. In other words, decide to block out mixed, confused and conflicting messages.

Here, is a clear, exact and important message for clarity:

“The confused are those who are frightened. They’re frightened because they have little control over their own minds and ego. Their grasping battle for power over others, is being played out through sending out confused, mixed and conflicting messages. There’s currently a vicious downward cycle of confusion being perpetuated, through their fear, of losing control.”

Clarity

Take back control through the rule of exclusion (see my previous post) and you’ll find instant relief. Once in a clear calm, rational state of mind, ask yourself again: ‘What specifically do I want?’