When Poison is The Weapon of Choice

Poison

“We know the vast majority of people reading this blog are law abiding, loving citizens, and so the following thought experiment, is highly speculative and hypothetical”

Let’s say you wanted someone dead. That’s right, your mind is made up, and the only resolution to the issue is murder.

 

Oh yes, the ‘red mist’ has descended, and in our private thoughts we harbour murderous intentions. Thankfully these kind of thoughts rarely take the step from fantasy to reality. They’re usually very fleeting; not sustained enough to cause us, or the recipient of our thoughts, any harm at all.

So, hypothetically speaking, let’s say, on this occasion, the red mist hasn’t dissipated, and you’ve decided on murder. After some further thought you’ve also decided on the means: Poison. Yes indeed, poison is the weapon of choice.

There are many, many ways to take a life; dozens of ways we can inflict harm on another human being, and yet, poison has been chosen. Before we actually carry out our murderous intentions though, let’s just take a moment to examine exactly why this method.

It could simply be down to convenience, ease of use, or, as is most likely, it’s the delay before it takes effect that’s important. This time delay gives you, the perpetrator, time to escape after the trap has been laid. A bomb with a time delay would have the same effect, but this of course, would be extremely indiscriminate. Okay, if you’re a terrorist with indiscriminate killing, in mind. Our intention though, is to just kill one or two people.

“Also, let’s think about the nature of poison, and how it does its job. Once administered, what exactly are we thinking, and what does this say about us?”

In other words, what is the psychology, behind our choice of weapon? Everything we say and do to others is a clear indication of our true nature. If we stuck a knife in someone, for example, it’s potentially our anger that’s driven such a violent act. We’re more likely to be young and angry when using a knife.

The use of poison would suggest a more scheming, calmer, use of planning. Sure, anger may be at the seat of the driving, and yet we’re not so clouded by it, that we blindly lash out. We’re planning and scheming. We don’t want to get found out. We don’t want the weapon to be traced back to us in any way. Or if we do, it’s deliberate, and doubt can be cast on whether its origin, can really be authenticated.

“Perhaps we want to instil doubt and fear at the same time. The long game may be our intention. Disruption, of entire countries, might be our long term goal. We understand how to divide and conquer”

All things said, calculated acts of murder, are committed by those whose brains are unable to see peaceful paths. Revenge is driven by an inability to control emotions. We’re stuck with angry feelings that we believe can only be resolved through re-inflicting the hurt and harm we feel we’ve suffered.

When our power and control is threatened we commit murder. If someone is seen to have sold us out, so to speak, we must seek revenge or lose face. Those who give our secrets away are seen as traitors who must be destroyed. History is full of people who’ve been murdered simply because they’ve told the truth; revealed secrets. The secrets we all have. The lies we all hide behind.

“Words can be used as poison”

There are numerous cases of domestic abuse, where someone has taken their own life, as a result of being ground down, through years of verbal abuse from a partner. Tell someone they’re worthless, useless or hopeless for long enough, and eventually, they’ll believe it. Imagine the damage words of this nature do to the self-esteem of children. Either directly or when in earshot of parents arguing.

Poison has to be the most cruel and calculating way anyone can take another’s life. Those who use poison, be it through words or chemicals, are the worst kind of human. The worst kind, because this poison, is only an extension of what already exist within themselves: Hatred, cowardice and fear. Frightened, scheming cowards, use poison. We must be very wary.  Wary and aware of what does not exist within the mind of the poisoner too.

Why Does It Matter? (The Transgender Issue)

Parenting

“It seems clear to me, and many others, that little girls and boys are adept at getting what they need. Food, warmth, shelter and above all, attention. All of this adds up to love”

Children are dependent on those who care for them. They surely soon come to understand this, to the degree, they will do all within their power to receive it. How much power children have is of course debatable, yet to me, a child’s power will always be the greatest of all. I say this, because a child is able to focus our love for them, in ways an adult couldn’t possibly.

We recognise their vulnerability through dependence and need. It’s our instinctive need to care for our young. We love how they’re an extension of us. When we love ourselves, this is extended, to the mini versions of us we’ve created. All of these things add up to the importance of us doing the very best by our young.

Doing our best includes gaining understandings of how our minds work. When we understand some very simple principles, we empower ourselves with more choice, and potentially increase our skills when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well grounded children.

“When children have the influence of both a mother and a father they’re better able to find an identity that fits with the one they’ve been assigned at birth”

When a child is raised by just one parent there is an increased likelihood of them wanting to identify with the sex of that parent. The intelligent human brain is very adept and gaining what it needs for survival.

The child-brain picks up on the unconscious signals from its carers. If the message and signals are construed as: mummy wants a little girl, for example, the child will seek to be the object of its mothers desire, regardless of what sex it was assigned at birth. Remember, all that matters to the child, is survival. Survival that’s dependent on the love, care and attention it receives, from carers. The more attention the better.

If you watch this short clip, relating to the transgender issue, take a moment to ponder on the dynamic of mother and child within this single parent family.

What parents often forget are the unconscious signals they project onto the child. The child’s mind is an empty void open for whatever the adults around it are likely to project.

I often think of the time walking behind a young mother in the street some years ago, she violently chastised her five year old daughter for being “Such a little bitch.” At five, it’s impossible for a child to be a ‘little bitch.’ She may be inconsiderate to her siblings, until taught otherwise, she may be self-centered, until taught otherwise, she may be naughty, until taught otherwise, but a bitch? Hardly. Remember: all criticism is self criticism.

And so, as a parent or potential parent, we must understand, the greatest skill a child exhibits is getting its needs met. The closer it can get to a parent, the better. It will do this by any means. Good behaviour, bad behaviour, gentle, sweet, rowdy, violent, transgender, whatever. The behaviour is irrelevant, as long is it gets attention.

“In the mind of the child, attention equals love and it will fight to get what it needs. Even to the point of becoming a little girl, when born a boy, and definitely if this beats their siblings to it”

When the child exhibits confusion over its identity a parent must make it clear they are loved and cared for just as much for being a boy or girl respectively. The child’s mind, at such an early stage in its development, is ill equipped to make a decision over gender. That is not the job of the child; genes have already decided this. We must see the advantage in having this kind of decision taken out of our hands. Yes the brain may disagree, however, this is due to the things I’ve now explained. 

The question still remains: why does it matter? Why indeed. Well, as I see it, there’s plenty of confusion in the world already. For parents to add to this, with poor ability to set boundaries and failure to understand the projection of their own minds, is abuse through neglect. This is how I see it.

Setting boundaries and being parents, instead of ‘best mates’ to our children, is imperative. Without this, children grow into adults robbed of a future their genes have decided. If my little boy wanted to be a girl I’d simply explain like this:

“As you grow older your choices will increase, for now you are in my care, and this is how it needs to be. You are a boy. The decision was made before you were born, and I will do my best to be the man you’d like to be, once you’re grown. I love you for what you are”

It is a parents responsibility to recognise their duty to our children. The child is not the sex parents want it to be, (consciously or unconsciously) or what sex the underdeveloped mind of the child wants to be. The child is what mother nature has decided, and to be fee from confusion, we must always encourage this. Simple.

Through Questioning our Beliefs

Freedom Sitting on a Beach?

Many of us believe that if we just had a little more money we’d be freer. We think that if we only had enough money to set up that business, or establish some kind of higher status in the world, all would be well. The truth is, freedom, has nothing to do with these things.

Clarity of mind:

“This can be achieved through a meditative state. During this state, we must look to drop everything from our minds, that we believe matters. When we’re able to do this, we clearly understand. . . freedom occurs when we shed the layers of confusion brought about through conflicting beliefs.”

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Freedom Costs Nothing

“The common man is indoctrinated into his expectations of life.”

The very broad and general system of beliefs we’re given, come as a consequence of our environment, during childhood. For example, when young, what made our parents happy? This is easy to answer, because most times all we need do, is ask ourselves what makes us happy. Happiness, and most importantly what makes us happy, is a learned behaviour.

“By questioning our ‘learned’ behaviour we escape many of the shackles previous generations have taught us. Paradoxically, many of the means we use to seek happiness, actually enslave us.”

It goes without saying, happiness, well-being and safety, are important to us all. How we find these things varies from individual to individual. One individual might feel free, well, happy and safe when he’s in the local betting shop, placing a months wages on a horse. Another, may feel free and safe sitting in his favourite chair, with his family around him, watching a good movie after a hard days work.

“Yet another person, who has questioned the types of systems we’ve developed to make us happy, may feel all these things when sitting alone on a beach.”

True happiness is achieved when we free ourselves from the illusions created through learned behaviour. When we take the time to really think about it, happiness is a state of mind, effortlessly achieved, when we have balance. A Buddhist monk for example, may well tell you: “happiness is achieved through realising the now moment.” How easy would life be, if we could achieve happiness (a state of contentment) through simply being aware, of our breathing? In those moments of awareness, would we be enslaved by all the ‘trappings’ of life we’re taught to believe we need, in order to be happy? No, in those moment, we’d be free.

“It may seem difficult to believe and accept, the most effective route to the true happiness freedom brings, will include: Creativity, Change, Challenge and Variety. All of which, can cost us, nothing.”

It’s worth considering a different route, to what you believe may help you feel happier, before seeking investment in that business. It’s only ever the ego (the best creator of illusions there ever was) that seeks a higher status in life, and is often driven by fear. Do we fear not seeming good enough? Our fears enslave us.

In addition to all this, raised self-esteem, is something we attach to happiness. The assumption is: low self-esteem equals unhappy. It’s certainly the case, if we’ve found activities – from learning martial arts to having sex – that help with building our self-esteem, we feel happier when doing them. However when this is the case, we’re also working to the same mistaken principle: Happiness comes from outside of us. This belief is our weakness.

Freedom
Small Diamonds Are Used To Change Big Things

We raise our self-esteem from the inside out. For example, if a child is small and weaker than his classmates, the solution will often be seen as something external. With this in mind, is learning martial arts the answer? High self-esteem will only be achieved during the hand chopping, board breaking classes. He’ll still potentially grow up to have low self-esteem in many other aspects of his life. If he never questions the belief: small and weak, he’ll remain this way on the inside forever.

“Now he has his ‘black belt’ what if he were drawn to a violent lifestyle? What if he or adopted a confrontational approach to others?”

Would this be a useful way to get through life? Far better to change how he feels about himself on the inside. We do this through helping him deal with his emotions in a gentle way. We help him question his beliefs about size: small is efficient, small diamonds are used to change big things, and so on.

The paradox is this: The greater the happiness – found through our archaic beliefs – the more enslaved we become.

Happiness is found through the things that help us feel less afraid; when we can fight we’re less fearful; when we own we’re less fearful. The bigger the car, or the house or whatever – now we have the black belt – the safer we feel; all paradoxical.

We really do live in a world that’s a mirror reflection of the true one. When we step out of this mirror – through shedding the confused conditioning of our beliefs – we’re able to see the ridiculous nature of the world we’ve created. Only then, will we find the freedom, that costs nothing.

Beautiful Partnerships Create Beautiful Families

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“It’s easy to see the relationship between the health of a parent’s partnership and the health of their families.”

When we consider the joy and love happy families create, it becomes doubly important, for us to be fully equipped before making that step, toward having a family of our own.

How many of us, on first setting out to meet and date members of the opposite sex, actually look that far into the future? How many of consider how healthy we could make our relationship in order for it to stand the tests of time? How many of consider if we could improve our understandings of relationships before starting a family; before bringing new life into the world?

My happiness is important to me. So much so, that my approach to how I find happiness has, at times, bordered on clinical. This is due to my experience and understandings of how important it is to ponder and plan out our daily lives. In terms of what I do, how I interact with people, and how I treat my mind, a constant state of awareness of these things, is important.

I suppose the main driving behind this, is my past; yes a negative past can drive a positive future, yet only through awareness and effort. If we have a limited, average awareness, we’re likely to perpetuate a negative past or slide into negative patterns of thought and behaviour. As an individual, raised by adult children with a dysfunctional relationship, I’m driven by a need to help others free their children of the distress this creates.

“Life can be full of sadness and difficulties, easily brought on by ourselves, simply through a lack of self-awareness. Raising our awareness is achieved through knowledge and greater understandings of our minds and how they work.”

If you believe your past has been happy, and your parents successful in their raising of you, you will of course be correct. Even though this may well be the case, we can only ever improve upon a job, you may consider well done, in order to increase the security, love and happiness we experience, through our future families.

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Beautiful Partnerships Create Beautiful Families

The health of our children is directly affected by the health of the relationships they experience around them. Your children, or future children, will watch you and your relationships very closely. They’re hungry for information on how to behave in the company of others. As a result, your behaviour, becomes theirs.

Single mothers, for example, often come from families where being raised by one parent was the norm, or where their parents relationship was so dysfunctional, it created high degrees of distress and sadness. It’s fairly obvious to state, most single mothers would rather not be, and yet they often fail to understand how their minds have fulfilled the unconscious, negative desire, to be single. It may sound very strange to suggest that being single – in difficulty and unhappy – has actually been created by design; odd but true.

“Through the recognition of how our minds equally and unquestioningly fulfill, that which is both useful and positive and that which is negative and destructive, we break free from the bonds of our unconscious programming.”

If we value our happiness, as much as we sensibly need to, educating ourself through gaining an adult perspective on planning and awareness, will reward us with a brighter future, and the improved likelihood, of healthy happy children.

Begin thinking now about how important you believe your future happiness to be and take a look at Partnership Workshops for 2018: inexpensive weekend workshops for both singletons and those in relationships.

The Currency of Love

“Of late, once again, I find myself stuck with negative feelings relating to my fellow man. At times it seems so hard to be positive and understanding of others.”

It’s when I feel this way that I know there needs to be some kind of internal change. My cynicism and revulsion perhaps has value in terms of me distancing myself from certain people, the only problem being, I tend to distance myself from everyone.

It’s the horrible generalisation – that all humans are egotistical takers – that’s damaging. Perhaps it’s when we have low self-esteem, and potentially slight depression, that we have such negative opinions of others, perhaps, in fact, we have a downer on ourselves.

Along with negative opinions we must be cautious of the current culture of over-analysing ourselves and others. We seem to be over thinking and over questioning our behaviours. From gender neutral child-rearing (the abuse of experimenting with another person’s life) to the size of our carbon footprint, we all seem to be getting a little bogged down with the detail.

“They say the devil is in the detail. Is it really? Confusion, over-thinking and over-analysis are only adding to our current distress.”

There can be no harm in just taking a step back and taking the time to understand the damage inflicted when our ego’s are out of control. The human will and the human ego are the reasons for so much beauty and also so much ugliness in the world. All we need do, is understand the simple roots, to so many of our problems, and we take out the confusion.

For example, there can be no harm in extracting good, tried and tested methods of child-rearing. Believe it or not mothers and fathers of the past did do some things right. Family units, where children felt secure, due to strong and powerful structure and effective boundaries, are not something we should question as being restrictive.

Building beautiful families (and indeed relationships – the root of a strong family) does in fact take a lot of effort. Is it the use of this effort and energy that so many of us are potentially looking to avoid? If it is, and we don’t want to devote ourselves to investing the necessary energy into building strong families, perhaps we should consider not having them at all.

“All we need is the ability to make this kind of decision by escaping our instinctive programming. There are other things we can do.”

Those of us who come from strong loving families tend to create the same in return. Those who come from strong loving families see the value in them. If we don’t know the value of creating strong relationships and families, we must either learn this, so as to give our children a powerful head-start in life, or simply give up on the idea.

Just never assume you’ll create a loving family if you’ve never experienced one. So if you go it alone, no harm done, enjoy your life and all that. You have permission to be free for God’s sake!

“Whether we like it or not, human children, with their developing ego and willpower, do need the kind of boundaries and structure we might find difficult to enforce.”

As parents we might find enforcing rules difficult through fear of falling out of our children’s favour. It’s a fallacy to think our children need to be our friends though. Enforcing structure and boundaries may at times feel uncomfortable, yet be rest assured, our children will feel more secure and loved as the result. In the long-term, we will reap the rewards – in society as a whole – when we once again embrace and understand the need for structure and boundaries when raising our children.

On recently reading the statistics, for the amount of young children referred to doctors for gender related issues, a little tremor of fear spread through my body: literally the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Children’s minds are simply not developed enough to be left to themselves to decide what sex they want to be. Nature is easily relied upon when we are unsure as parents: if your child has a penis it’s a boy, and if the alternative of a vagina, it’s a girl. Simple. We socialise our children as boys and girls to create a type of balanced structure within society.

“When we project our dislike, or biased opinions and beliefs of what it is to be a man or a woman, we mold our children into being what they become: a reflection of those same beliefs and biased opinions no matter what genitals they’re born with.”

Uncertainty and confusion comes with growing up, it’s up to us, as parents, to help our children remove confusion and uncertainty – and not through a surgeon’s knife and injected hormones – but through love of ourselves and the opposite sex. Things are becoming so horribly complicated.

This brings me onto the recent stories surrounding sexual harassment. If, as a woman, you were raised with the belief and expectation that you’re simply an object of man’s desire, and its then up to you to manipulate and use this desire, you are then complicit in any kind of abuse. If you’re frightened of not getting that next promotion or acting role (same distinction) and so sleep with the director through this fear, you are then complicit.

“On the other hand, if your mother taught you that you’re a free individual, who will naturally be desired by men – and yet gave you the knowledge of how to use this in a constructive, not submissive or negative way – then you’re simply playing the game of life.”

When playing the game, to the extent you open your legs, more fool you. A good slap to the face of any potential abuser will do more to gain respect, all you need, in this instance, is less fear and a little more courage. Good, loving and strong mothers, instill this into the minds of our daughters.

The currency of love is the most valuable of all. This currency equips our children with the tools that enable them to push aside their ego and allow their will to prevail. In other words, the next acting role or job, is something to be gained due to high self-esteem and a powerful will, awarded through love in childhood. Our ego can be blind to the damage we can cause ourselves through striving for greatness.

“We love our children through setting strong boundaries and effective structure so they may flourish in their adult lives.”

Yes add colour to their lives by allowing them to be children, yet the black and white, of yes or no, rather than maybe, is equally as important. The currency of love has far greater value than we realise, all we need do, is understand how to implement it.

So much rebellion, so many fighting what they see as conformity. Love can never be allowing our children to run riot. Love can never be allowing our children to try and raise themselves. Children must have the security of structure and boundaries so they may grow into adults that contribute to a society that considers the needs of all. Remaining as rebellious children and then having children of our own is perpetuating confusion and disorder.

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Some might say that none of this matters. They may well be right and yet those of us who remember (instead of choosing to forget) the pain and fear, that comes with insecurity, loneliness and the disorder broken families create, think that it does matter. It matters a lot. It matters to our children. A person is free to choose who they are and what they want in life provided they are free of confusion. We constantly witness the troubled lives of adults with childhoods devoid of structure, love, boundaries and the effective guidance from powerful role models. It starts with you.

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Good Parenting

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Examining the Evidence

I read some figures recently, which suggested that 50% of how a person turns out as an adult, is genetic (nature), and the other 50% interacting with others (nurture), but the latter 50% was almost entirely due, to out of the home influences. In other words, how we turn out, has very little to do with how we’re parented. The person, we can attribute this astonishing claim to, is a Scientist named Steven Pinker. At this point I feel it’s worth telling you, during my time working as an Analyst, I’ve never found this to be the case, in fact, quite the opposite.

Many of us are aware of the principle, that the observer influences the outcome of whatever they’re observing – in my world we can most certainly attribute this to the filters of beliefs. For example, if you believe bears are beautiful, you may have a room full of teddy bears, yet if you’ve ever been attacked by one, and as such hold negative beliefs, (bears are men killers) you’ll potentially see teddy bears as a contradiction. As are many things in life, Steven Pinker, included.

Now, we must also be cautious in terms of my experiences: have the issues surrounding my own upbringing affected: A, the Analysis of my clients and: B, the type of clients I’ve attracted into my consulting room.

When we look at A, it is entirely possible that my beliefs and expectations have influenced the analysis of my clients, however, as an analyst with an awareness of this danger – trained in very specific techniques that eliminate leading the client – this possibility is sufficiently guarded against. In addition, it’s been my experience, that the responses given during analysis, have often surprised me to such an extent, I’ve nearly fallen out of my chair.

Looking at B, we’re almost certainly entering the world of woo-woo to suggest the majority of clients entering my consulting room, have issues with their parents, simply because I had a traumatic childhood. Perhaps if I’d advertised my services as being specific to parent/child issues, this would be the case; I didn’t.

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Perhaps to some extent, all of this is a little irrelevant when I tell you Steven Pinker, was also of the opinion, that parents shouldn’t work hard at how they raise our kids, if they wanted children to like them.

“Curious, but I though parenting was about raising balanced, respectful and responsible adults, not about being liked by children.”

If you want to be liked by our children just give them what they want, however, as we should all know, giving children what they want, is not, by any means, what’s good for them.

One thing is for sure, if you want your children to respect you, once they’ve become adults, give them what they need for the future (love) not what they want in their present moment of wanting. If they don’t like it, then we need to better develop our negotiation skills, and how to train our children to think about cause and effect. Something lacking in some of today’s young.

Lens flare light. Cross on peak of Hoher Goell.

“One other thing that caught my attention this week was the observation: because Christ was a carpenter, it proves that we don’t necessarily need intelligence to be effective. Remarkably condescending considering how many intelligent carpenters I’ve met, besides, I always though Christ was a tradesman who believed in love.”

In this respect I’d agree with the sentiments – we don’t need to be intelligent to be successful – as love, and love of our children, has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, intelligence, it would seem, can be a total block to properly understanding it.

All in all, an interesting week, let’s hope next week is as much fun. א

In Response

In response to:

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/55803779/posts/1537341987

“This isn’t about us being selfish, keeping him alive because we can’t bear to let him go. It’s because if we did not fight for this chance, we will have to live with the ‘what if’ for ever”…

The above quote from Charlie Gard’s parents really got me wondering. After all, it’s very important we never discard anything said, and especially if it’s handed to us on a plate. The important point is whether or not these words have been suggested to them, or come via solicitors, doctors (in America) or whoever. If they’re original thoughts from Charlie’s parents then we cannot discount something said, whether it’s a negation or not, as being the motivation. In other words, when we have the courage to face the truth, we will see our motivations are always selfishly motivated. There is no wrong or right about this; it just is. It’s part of the human condition, and one of the reason we’re the ‘warriors,’ that Charlie’s parents described him as.

Without selfishness we’d never have made it this far. I think we should all take a step back, and understand the pain parents of terminally ill children, go through. We’re then able to objectively see the simple truth: none of want to see a child die and will selfishly keep them alive at all costs. Once again there is no wrong or right.

“What we do seem to struggle with, is seeing clearly, what the best interest of the child are. The child cannot speak for itself, it can only look beautiful and needy. This is translated by the parents into a powerful emotional bond, that even the reality of terminal illness, will struggle to break.”

We, as a society, have, over time, become increasingly dependent on government, and the people that work for it. Any form of dependence weakens us to the point of being unable to make important decisions for ourselves. When young, and driven by our emotions, (heart over head) we’re unlikely to make decisions that are either rational or based on the wellbeing of someone else, especially a needy and beautiful child. Although needy and beautiful Charlie Gard was a very poorly child, and for all we know, his suffering could have been off any scale we could possibly judge. The ‘what if’ needed to be: what if this child is suffering intolerably? If there’s any question of this, we mustn’t prolong life. None of us ever ‘save’ lives we only ever prolong them.

So when we choose to leave important decision to government, because we’re so weakened by dependence, it proves hard to suddenly, and selfishly decide, we want to change the rules to prolong a child’s life. If we want others to look after us, that’s exactly what they’ll do; the selfish motivation in this instant, is power. The dependent are powerless at the hands of government and those who work for them.

We take back our power from government when we take out the confusion. Protecting the rights of a child can never necessarily mean keeping them alive at all costs. It’s probably an overused cliché, however, we never allow an animal to suffer unnecessarily, so why would we a child? Because we think human life is more important than that of an animal? Or is it because we love them enough to let them go?

Reading that Charlie’s parents will now “let our beautiful little boy be with the angels” only goes to prove how far we’ve yet to travel, when it comes to loving our children. Absurd Magical Beliefs (AMB’s) have no place in child-rearing if we have any chance of making it further. It’s this kind of thinking that  keeps us dependent on others (in this case doctors) who’ve been awarded power over us, and will continue to make decisions, on our behalf. 

“Finally, it’s been suggested, the American doctor who offered to help, had a vested interest in the company that manufactured the drugs, that would have supposedly prolong Charlie’s life.”

Once again we can see none of us are free from selfish motivations. The trick, is to change our understandings of the word selfish. When we have little consideration for the needs of other, we’re being self-centered, which is the reality of many people in the case of Charlie Gard. When we’re selfish we can very easily selfishly put the needs of others before our own, because this is a pleasurable thing to consider. Believe it or not, we can feel pleasure, when one of our own, is released from suffering.  

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Bulletproof and fearless of our pain

#charliesfight

“If you believed the universe had a plan, what would it be? To propagate life? To just exist for the sake of existing? To grow and expand until it can grow no further?”

And what of us? You might think it follows, that if we’re part of a growing, expanding universe, we must grow and expand too. If we take a step back, we can certainly see evidence of this in some quarters, yet also see evidence of its opposite, in others.

The universe has a structure that works under some very strict and fundamental rules. It’s been said, that if there were only slight deviation from these rules of structure, the universe – as we know it – couldn’t have come into existence. Perhaps a different kind of universe would’ve come into being instead.

And so, when we have slight deviation from strict rules, either that, which would have been formed, doesn’t come into existence at all, or comes into existence in a way that is flawed, and as such, unrecognisable by us. Such a flaw, in anything, be it universes or life forms, will no doubt shorten its lifespan. For example, its said that several universes may have come into existence, long before the one we inhabit, yet due to their flawed nature, came and went in the blink of an eye.

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Here and gone in the blink of an eye

“Does the universe morn these dead, early attempts? No, the universe expands, grows and thrives, as a result of these early failures.”

For many of us, it’s very hard to move on and let go of our past failures. Our feelings and fears get in the way of seeing things in a more rational light. When we do however, we free ourselves to see early mistakes and flawed creations, as something different. In fact, we can often see our early creations, as being there simply as a way of reminding us, we are never perfect. We are only ever perfectly imperfect, and yet sometimes, we even fall too short of this line, to survive.  

Parents of terminally ill children need the strength and courage to let go. Most of us wonder how they can possibly bear the pain of losing a sick child; a child they’ve created. However short a lifespan though, we can find a way to celebrate it, and learn from what this short life has taught us. In time, when we find these lessons of love – waiting to be understood – we become strong, so strong in fact, we become bulletproof and fearless of our pain. 

value

Devaluation through the Desperation of Others

unsold

It stands to reason, if you’re short of money, you’ll often turn to selling your possessions. In these moments are we aware of their true value?

 

I can clearly remember my time working for a company, that in order to finance some of the changes and redevelopments it required, needed to release some of its assets. What struck me as significant at the time, was the calm, common sense, displayed by the CEO. During the discussions, relating to the redevelopments, and our ability to finance them, he stated: “We must be cautious to not flood the market or we’re likely to devalue our own assets.”

Acting on his advice, each branch of the company was told to only make certain assets available for sale, and only at certain times. This ensured that availability didn’t become common knowledge and the market wasn’t flooded as a result.

It follows, that even though there may be a level of desperation through necessity, it can never be wise to undervalue your assets, in the belief this will make things easier. You may think it easier to sell your goods, for example, if you reduce them to knock down prices. In the long term though, all this is likely to do, is devalue the goods and services of others.

“It’s a certain fact, the overall effect, in the current financial climate – and subsequent climb of the discount supermarkets – that there is a general reduction in overall standards within the whole retail sector.” 

The CEO mentioned earlier believed in the value of his company’s assets. He understood, over supplying the market, would have the knock on effect of devaluing the company’s assets. This immediately brings to mind the policy of BMW in relation to the Mini. This car is produced in such huge volumes now, that the recent, and general opinion of many, has been expressed in these kind of terms: “Oh, the Mini, it’s not what it used to be, there’s too many about.”

When it comes to numbers, there’s a danger, we’re not seeing here. Consider how many human beings there currently are in the world. Some estimates now place this global population at over seven billion. When we think of this, are we also devaluing ourselves, as a result of our numbers?

How prised is the Northern White Rhino? I would say, at this moment in time, it’s very prised indeed; prised because there are only a few left in the world. Would we value this animal as much if its numbers increased?

White Rhino

Consider China’s conservation program of pandas. So successful has it been, that the status of this animal, has changed from ‘endangered’ to ‘vulnerable’ on the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN)’s Red List.

Apparently this is all down to restoring habitats. I wonder: how long it will take for us to realise that cramming millions of people into confined spaces (our cities) will never be a healthy or natural environment for the human animal?

Further to this, how much longer are we going to maintain such a blasé attitude to overpopulation? Do we need to devalue ourselves any further, so the living become even more expendable than they’re currently seen, by many world leaders?

“The sanctity of life is devalued when we fail to understand the numbers”

Consider how much food we currently waste here in the UK (it’s not so much the food, it’s the energy we expend in earning money to pay for the food, that’s the real issue). If food were less plentiful, quite obviously, we would waste less. Does this mean we’d then need less money?

Does it follow, we would value our lives more, if we considered it a privilege to have children rather than a right? Would we value each other more if there were less of us? Is Less More? Would we live better lives if we grew up valued?

Valued?

Above all, remember: no matter how desperate, don’t sell your services – or prized possessions for that matter – at knock down prices, you just might be doing someone else, a disservice.

Just Curious: How exactly do we all get to sleep at night?

“It came to mind. When we really think of it, how exactly do we get to sleep at night, whilst all this shit goes on around us?”

You know the wars and the suffering. A more refined version of my question is this: how do we get to sleep at night whilst just one of our children is suffering. It’s my opinion, that there only needs to be one suffering child in the world, for the rest of us to be living a charade.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Shed some light on the real charade

It’s easy when we see it, in order to sleep, all we do is put the horrors from our minds. In fact, it would be detrimental to our health, if those of us who’re looking to help in this regard (easing the suffering of children), didn’t. If we don’t sleep our health will also be damaged.

“Yet the question remains and gets even bigger: how can we live the ridiculous charade of modern life whilst children suffer?”

Wouldn’t true equality be for ALL of us to be suffering in the same way our abused children currently are? And so how exactly could we find this type of equality? Perhaps we could make do with slightly less, or perhaps we could self flagellate; you know, the thing with the whips. Hold on though, some of us humans are turned on sexually by that shit, (because of violence confused with pleasure in childhood) and so then we’re into pleasure through sadism, so no, that doesn’t work.

“Hold on, I tell you what we could do, we could imagine ourselves back in childhood.”

We could then lock ourselves in a dark, cold room, full of unknown horrors (imagined or real), and get someone to call in, on a regular basis, to beat us and commit annul rape; that could work. Oh, then we’d need to sort out our diet. Yeah, now I’m on a role.

For a start, we could feed ourselves with sugar and shitty processed food, and then wash it all down with pop! For entertainment we could have a TV, phone and nothing else, and just to make our suffering all the worse, we could be surrounded by people who’re unable to listen, have very limited vocabulary, limited skills, limited imagination and don’t give a shit about anything or anyone else outside their limited scope of attention. Limited company to say the least.

“I think we need more! There’s always more of this shit.”

Outside our window we’d need to have bombs going off and we’d also need to see women and children being slaughtered, and all on a daily basis, yay! Oh, and let’s not forget the starving children, sitting in the dust, with their swollen bellies and fly’s in their crusty eyes. Our charity has certainly fixed that one, hey? Now, I wonder if we have enough fear and discomfort, to match that of an abused child yet? Probably not.

“I just can’t help wondering: how do we all sleep at night when there’s one of our children living like this?”

A child – in a civilised society – living with this fear. There’s no fear for us though: most of us can live in our lovely homes, jump in our comfortable cars, ride in our beautiful planes, feed on our lush vegetation, and chomp on our farmed lamb (remember the mint sauce). Why should we give a damn about all the suffering, abused children of the world, when we have all this! And of course whilst we do, we don’t.

“Never assume the answer to alleviating our guilt, is to give charitably, this is no answer at all. The answer, is to be aware; aware of the suffering of the abused child. Until we choose awareness, nothing will change.”

When we choose to wake up to what’s going on around us – instead of being lost to the illusions of comfort we propagate and blinded by our ignorance – only then we will fight the abuse and ignorance. When we cut-away all the nonsense of modern day life, it’s possible to clearly see, what our children have needed all along: More. Love. There’s more of that too. Just look. א

Importance of improved parenting

All the lonely children longing to be loved

Bliss derived from joy of child
Parenting is love we must fully understand

Parenting skills and how we interact with each other is so very important. How can we possibly expect a child to go to sleep on time, when they’ve spent the whole evening alone, watching television or playing computer games on phones or tablets. It’s just not going to happen. It’s useful to watch the short video in this piece.

“I couldn’t help wondering why the stuff that mother needed to ‘get done,’ couldn’t have been a task, carried out, after the child was in bed. Self-centeredness is never going to be a useful trait in parents.”

What we can also learn from this is, the action of leaving children alone to entertain themselves, is teaching them that there’s value in self-centeredness (never confuse this with selfishness, we can selfishly enjoy each others company).

Mother is teaching her daughter to value self-centeredness through her own attitude. There is NO value in being self-centered. Spend time with children, even if they’re playing on a computer. Interact with them whilst they play.

“A child will never understand that self-centeredness creates neediness. The child is unable to verbalise these needs and ask for your company. Their behaviour simply demands it. A parent must understand this. In this example, all the child will do is see bed time, as quality time with mum and dad. The rest of the time mother and father are being self-centered in their actions and attitude.”

When parents leave children to just get on with it on their own – so they can ‘get stuff done’ – loneliness sets in. I believe loneliness in our children is a bigger problem than we realise. Interaction with others is the cure for loneliness and teaches us about ourselves. Self-awareness, as some might teach us, never comes from being alone. No, it comes from healthy interaction with others.

In an ideal world children should never be left alone. Attentive, loving parents, who set appropriate boundaries and rules for children, raise grounded and healthy adults. A computer game or television teaches us something about ourselves, yet we must ask, exactly what? What are we being taught? What behaviour do we expect from our children, when they’re lonely, having only the illusion of company, created through tablets, phones or television?

I could weep whilst watching this video, because what I see, is a lonely child getting the attention she deserves through being unruly, and out of control. In a real loving world, that isn’t the fantasy we’re taught (that children can be left to their own devises) parents would understand how much time they truly need to spend with their children.

We’re all so busy though aren’t we? So how can we make time for children when we simply don’t have it? Well, there needs to be a clear understanding of what children actually need, and then a plan in place for how we can provide that, before, we have them.

Sound to simplistic?

Probably, however, if we continue to fail in our duty to properly love our children, the issue of de-evolution stands a greater chance of becoming reality. Artificial Intelligence taking over the world, may not linger in the realms of science fiction for ever. It is in fact already becoming a genuine fear many academics have begun to express. If we don’t realise and act now, failures in parenting and how we love, will grow to be the start of our demise.

games, play

Being Amongst Them

games
Trump Tower

“It’s such fun being amongst them, the kids. They’re so wonderful. One extraordinary thing, that fascinates me about the children, is their ability to wrap me around their little fingers. They use my love to manipulate me.”

I do laugh. It’s so funny to see them play. The games they play, in an attempt to get their own way, are just brilliant to observe. And the thing is, so often we don’t recognise the games for what they are, and we unwittingly get dragged in.

Like when they play one person off another. You know the situation. It’s similar to when mummy won’t give them what they want, so they talk to someone else (perhaps dad), as a way of getting around mum.

The way they can play people is extraordinary. I get caught out! It’s annoying and frustrating at the time, but on reflection, amazing and astounding how skilled and accomplished they are at playing their wilful games.

Of course, getting their own way, might be about not having to do a certain job, chore, or any task they dislike in fact. We do our best to teach them responsibility and the importance of gaining skills, independence and the ability to look after themselves.

We look to teach them about being gentle and respectful to each other; how to play nicely. Sometimes though, we do fail in conveying our message, as we once again get caught in their clever, manipulative game play.

Oh such fun! Of course, many a parent will tell you, spending too much time with the kids can be very draining. Having to calm their squabbles – when they don’t get their own way – or entertaining them with fool-play, can be very tiring. Sometimes we parents simply crave – and I do mean crave – time with the grown-ups. It can be very lonely being a parent.

“Sometimes though, no matter how much we crave for grown up conversation and interaction, it can prove very sparse.”

Other grown ups are also very busy caring for those beautiful little nippers. In fact, so busy are the grown ups, that their lives seem constantly tied up with the games of children. Many grown ups need to get pissed every night! Hey ho. So happy to have seen through that one.

It really can be very lonely being a parent, so we mustn’t forget to spend time with those who’re able to communicate, on a similar, or higher level, bringing us forward by gaining our rapt attention. We must remember to interact and stay close to those who stimulate our minds. So remember: Have no fear, spend some time, with the real grown-ups.

Applications now invited:

time
Time for Change?

 

family

A Basic Human Right

Human Brain

“It’s said, one of our fundamental, basic human rights, is that of procreation. We have the right, as human beings, to conceive new life. It’s fundamental to our entire makeup, all of us adults, have the right, to have a child.”

It stands to reason doesn’t it? We are life, therefore, we have the right to create life. By association, we then have the right to mold this new life, in whatever way we see fit. It’s this association we must take issue with.

We must take issue: because we have the basic human right to create new life, we then have the right to make assumptions. To assume this new life has no influence in deciding how it’s raised. How can we simply assume that we have the right to raise a child, in whatever way we see fit? To do this even if we’re ignorant as to whether this is in the best interests of that child or not.

Of course who decides what is in fact ‘the best interests of the child’ raises more questions than answers. We do place governments in such a position that they hold most of the cards in this regard. Yet most governments – because of their fear of losing power – are no doubt often reluctant to interfere.

We do have social controls in place. Those who work within this field, are authorised to intervene in the most extreme cases. They must intervene when the best interests of the child are being completely ignored, and/or perhaps even abused. However, their intervention is often too little, too late, and therefore ineffective.

“So what about making the case for children’s rights before they’re even born, or better still, conceived?”

Perhaps we can play with the idea of having fewer people in the world. Would this improve things for children and their rights? What about China? Although the intention, was not to defend the rights of the unborn, but to protect the wellbeing of the living, Communist China, and its one child policy, is perhaps a good example. Do children in small families have greater rights?

China is now facing fears of economic disaster in its near future. There are too few youngsters to pay for an ageing population. When we look at the quality of life for the child – who has no siblings and as such is the sole centre of attention – has the one child policy been beneficial to China’s children?

“Interestingly, and much to the dismay of China’s leaders, even though this policy has now been abandoned. Many young couples are staying with the idea of only having one child. It has now become enmeshed into their culture.”

With all this said, even when a family is small, there is no guarantee of this improving quality of life, or asserting and improving the rights of the child. In fact it could make matters worse. Often siblings prove to be the providers/protectors of brothers and sisters, and as such, larger families do have their benefits. And let’s never forget the issue of loneliness.

Back to the point in question: who is protecting the rights of the unborn? What is it exactly that gives parents the right to bring life into a world that many consider broken and overpopulated?

Having children is certainly one of the most selfish activities there is, this is not to say there’s anything wrong with selfishness, there isn’t. The problem, is when selfishness, is mixed with ignorance.

“What would it take for potential parents to realise that the child, they’re asking to bring into the world, is not actually asking to be born?”

They may just as easily be asking to not be conceived. It may well be, that once the child’s consciousness is sufficiently developed, it would much prefer to have never been born; ever increasing suicide rates no doubt the solution.

And so, along with reducing suicide rates and protecting the rights of children, what would it take for humans to make this world – and its people – a more welcoming and pleasant place?

Surely potential parents should be asking themselves: “do we really want to bring a new life into this world that we’ve turned into a hell?” Why are parents so decided on bringing new life into this hell only to perpetuate its existence? Surely any parent would want to bring a child into a heaven, rather than a hell?

The answer, for most, is of course family. We create a little slice of heaven with our families don’t we? We exclude and negate the existence of the hell all around us, by creating the warm bosom of family. When we have family, we can find a little peace of heavenly-safety, longingly returned to each day. Something that’s way and above the depths of this hell we’ve created.

“Thank goodness for family you might say. And as long as we continue to place psychopaths in charge of this hell, then hell – outside our small family units – is all we’ll get.”

This does bring me back to something I’ve mentioned in the past: The Global Family. We know immigration doesn’t work – it will never take over five billion humans out of poverty – and so what is the answer to creating the ease and safety, a Global Family, is likely to create?

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The answer is a common understanding of the most fundamental concept to human survival: LOVE. Surely love, and a clean understanding of this, is the first basic, human right to be sought and guaranteed. Consider this definition:

“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”      Create Beautiful Partnerships

This definition of love, takes into account the natural tendency toward human selfishness. Indeed it uses this very tendency in a positive way. And what if, rather than simply stating: partners and children, we also include – all those we meet – into the definition? 

If we loved all those we meet, in the manner described above, this world would certainly be a better place. Irrespective of the size of our family, this could be achieved in a very short space of time.

“Removing fear will prove to be the most effective means of controlling the levels of our population.”

So there we are: putting the world to rights before we have children. This includes a common understanding of love, the removal of fear and effective leadership from well reasoned people. Not to much to ask for now, is it?

Courage

Courage

Courage
Courage

“What is courage? Do you know any truly courageous people? What character traits would define a courageous person? Someone who can climb mountains?”

Perhaps this would depend on whether this was a real or metaphorical mountain, some might say the real ones are easy, and climbing has nothing to do with courage, just everything to do with bravado, and stamina.

Is a person who spends their life doing what they feel they must do, as opposed to what they want to do, a courageous person? You know, the person who bravely caries out their duty to others. Is that bravery or simply foolishness?

What about the firefighter or the soldier, are they brave? Saving lives or taking lives, surely there’s bravery there? Could you walk into a burning building, pull the trigger or go into battle, putting your life on the line? Bravery or simply foolishness? Testosterone and bravado? You decide.

And what about professionals? The people who hold high positions in society, such as representatives of government or professional bodies such as doctors, dentists and surgeons, they’re brave people right?

“Holding such a position must carry certain responsibilities that require strength of character and courage to endure.”

For example, is it a brave thing for a professor – who represents dental surgeons – to be on the side of the children, who come to see his dentists, as opposed to the parents who bring them? Can we just assume, that a person who holds such a lofty position in society, naturally understands his duty?

Does such a person naturally understand that he has a duty to display backbone and strongly advise and educate parents to do the right thing by our children? Surely denying a child time with a dentist, is a reflection of ignorance and neglect, is it not?

The reality is, when it comes to protecting the rights of the child, many professionals are unlikely to ‘commit career suicide’ by siding with the child and admonishing neglectful parents. It seems the parent is the one with all the rights and the child is secondary; another example of our topsy turvy world.

It has been noted that as many as 187,000 fewer children experienced the excellent services of a dentist in 2015/2016 simply because – as the professor mentioned above stated: “parents may have different priorities than taking their child to a dentist.”

Courage and how it’s viewed will obviously depend on the beliefs, views and experiences of the individual. Some may consider the bravest individuals to be the ones who simply devote themselves to living a good life and doing the right thing by the vulnerable.

“Doing the right thing is something that demands courage. Swimming against the tide takes courage. Standing firmly by your convictions takes courage.”

When we truly understand what integrity is, what love is, and what it means to protect the rights of the vulnerable, courage is demanded in such measure, that it becomes hard to define.

When we begin to see our children as the precious – so precious – investment in our future that they are, all of us will come to understand: if we don’t start showing the necessary courage and fortitude needed to protect the rights of the child, professional suicide or not, our future will be lost.

True courage is displayed by those who understand what fear is, and how the human mind may look to rid itself of this emotion, in a negative and destructive way.

Climbing mountains and stepping into burning buildings, is how understanding, emphatic individuals, rid themselves of this fear. Cowards rid themselves of fear by looking to control and frighten our vulnerable. Failing to protect our children is the worst kind of cowardice. A cowardice, that unfortunately for many of our children, is all too common.