Slaves to Fighting – Enemies to Love

Slaves to Fighting - Enemies to Love

The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting

When we take a moment, to sit back and think about things, it’s easy to see where we’re going wrong. For example, how much of our time do we spend fighting? This can range from scrapping with the in-laws to fighting for our human rights. We may even have internal battles within ourselves.

Even the Invictus (Latin: unconquered) games are built on the rules of competition and fighting. The survivors of war, with missing limbs and so on, are given a new purpose and direction through the Invictus games. We can understand the thinking of the prince behind this, yet it was fighting, that put them there in the first place. Is it really the case, that the cure to their daily struggles, is more of the same?

The ideal, is for these soldiers to have never incurred injury to body and mind, in the first place. However, now that they have, how would it be, if we employed all of these survivors as diplomats, for peace? How would it be, if the cure was seen to be diplomacy, against fighting? How would it be if we better understood our internal battles?

How is it the case that we think the answer to our troubles is more of the same?

We put ‘troubled’ teenagers in the boxing ring. We talk about the importance of fighting for our rights. There are people fighting for change and there are those doing the same to halt it. What would happen if we just stopped?

It’s potentially the case that if we stopped getting angry and fighting to win, either for our rights or freedom, we would all become oppressed and controlled by other humans. There’s a good chance this would be the case. So how do we cure that problem?

Ultimately the answer must lie in unification. The problem we now have is the scrapping again. Everyone is fighting for individualism and what they believe is the right way. Everyone is fighting to protect their beliefs. What we’re failing to see is that individualism and beliefs are in fact something quite different to what most think they are.

The true individual will never exist

The reason I say this, is because until we’re able to completely remove ourselves from the influence of the beliefs of others, there will be no such thing, as the individual. Once you hold a belief, that’s also held by another, you’re no longer an individual. You become a slave to that belief. What’s needed is a belief that’s completely separate and devoid from all others. This, in itself, is impossible. One belief will always lead to another, otherwise, it would simply die. This is within the laws of physics: everything is connected, if not, it ceases to exist.

It’s only once we see the connections will we understand

Consider how things would be if we stopped the conflict and became unified. We become unified when we recognise the necessary connectedness of all things for them to function. For example, and as over simplified as it might seem, a despot leader, who is simply ignored, would cease to exist? If there’s no fear he would cease to exist. If no one had taken any notice of hitler, what would have happened? People listened because they were frightened and up for a fight. They wanted a leader they understood to be a fearless fighter. The truth was something very different.

Unification is brought about when we cease conflict and see our connectedness. We are all one    

Take the Saudi Arabian journalist Jamal Khashoggi as further example. He lost his life through conflict. If he’d just ignored the Saudi regime, and gone it alone, he’d still be alive today. If you don’t like what’s happening where you are move away. Leave and stay gone. Risking your life, for what you believe, is nonsensical. Now of course I’m likely being labelled a coward. In the eyes of a fighter I am. In the eyes of someone who loves their life I’m seen as sensible. 

The argument against all of this is that we’re all natural born fighters; that humans are at the top of the food chain because of this. We believe there’s a need for us to fight each other to get our needs and wants met. There is truth here, however, the year is 2018. Is it not time for us to get out of the playground and start acting like adults? Is it not children that fight?

Where are all the grown ups?

Being so bound up in our childish tit-for-tat mentality and our childish need for fairness (although now found to be innate) causes us to fight. Even though fighting for fairness has been found to be an innate driving, evolving beyond this, puts us in control without conflict. Enlightenment to our true selves stops the conflict. Knowing ourselves is key.

We can chose to ignore those who think they must fight for fairness. They have this mindset because they also hold it’s counterpart: unfairness (for no belief can survive alone). Fairness or equality is found when we have unification. The unified do have it all.

Believe you and I are one, through our shared humanity, and you will have it all

When we understand that we’re all one we have unification. When will we grow and peacefully unify against those who don’t understand this? When will we take ourselves out of slavery? When will we seek to rid ourselves of our internal torment? We have so much to reach for. So far to go.  

A Grown Up Passion

“What if everybody had an ‘I’m all right Jack, pull up the ladder’ attitude to life?”

What if every man was for himself? Not difficult questions and the answer is simple too: Society would become increasingly chaotic. We’d certainly have an increasing number of lost young men as their self-centered fathers deserted them. Young men left to find their own way in life often fall into the wrong kind of company.

Thankfully there are plenty of men who understand the need to be a good father. It often takes a lot of strength to be a good parent. A parent who’s prepared to look closely at the relationship they have with the mother or father of the children.

These same man and women understand the difficulties we all face within our relationships. Some of them are very patient, gentle and understanding, of their partners. Relationships can become very strained at times, and when we’re unable to understand why we may be rejecting each other, conflict grows and grows until the eventual split.

“It also takes a lot of strength for parents, who’ve decided to split, to become accepting of the importance of their respective, continued involvement, with the children”

It may be convenient for us to believe that a child only needs one parent. However convenient it may seem though, study after study has shown, when a child has a balanced and wide perspective of life – and idea of what it means to be a grown man or woman – they have greater chance of living a happy adulthood.

“And so it’s the ‘I’m all right Jack’s’ of this world who make it so challenging for the rest of us. Once again this has a lot to do with maturity”

In my previous post I spoke of my need to empower before feeling any sense of direction and purpose. For me to continue concentrating this need – on just one individual – as I did as a younger man, would be suggestive of emotional immaturity.

To only focus this need on the closest to me – potentially my partner – would also indicate an ‘I’m all right Jack’ kind of attitude. It simply doesn’t serve society well, if all we think of empowering, are those in our immediate vicinity; those in our family or close social circle.

Think of all those individuals who’ve chosen to work with our troubled and abandoned young. Youth workers and teachers. Do they have a self-centered attitude to life? Hardly. Potentially, and as hard as you might find this to accept, they’re the one’s stopping this whole mess from falling apart at the seams.

“We need a greater number of people, who recognise what kind of maturity is required to escape self-centeredness, teaching us how to find this for ourselves. The more mature we all are, the stronger our positive bonds, become”

In the long term there is no benefit to being self-serving. Think of the eventual pain and loneliness experienced by those who’ve lived codependent relationships. When one of them dies so does the other. When we see beyond the dead-end-brick-wall of self-centeredness, we open up our lives to more love, more compassion; more of everything.

Join us this September and experience what the maturity of paying it forward really means.          

life, elitism, children

Life Riding on the Coattails of Others

elitism of the children

A new year beckons and with it we see the new year honours list of 2018. The British aristocracy keeping themselves at the top, by creating another elitist list, of human beings. Life riding on the coattails of others. With that in mind I’d like to create a new award:

THE AWARD FOR EVERY PERSON WHO HAS MADE IT INTO ADULTHOOD

There’s a fairly strict criteria, because if we we were to ask the average adult: Do you consider yourself to be a grown up? They’d no doubt say, yes. There is a finite number of awards available you see. There is a problem though, to what do we gauge our award? To what do we compare our maturity?. How do we set the criteria? How do we know what it actually is to be an adult in 2018?

Difficult questions. One persons take, on what it means to be an adult, can obviously differ greatly from another. We do need some kind of benchmark, and I think we can keep things simple, by listing a few important provisos here. Let’s start with just two:

To be an adult we must have a level of independence and we must also have a high degree of self awareness.

That said, I know of people who have a very high level of independence, and yet have very poor self-awareness. Their behaviour and gameplay is very manipulative, and  conversation/interpersonal skills, no further forward, than that of a ten year old child.

For example, recent experience, with trying to converse with a 57 year old woman, left me feeling very uncomfortable indeed. This was simply due to the fact it belonged in the mind of someone aged ten – or thereabouts. Even though this is the case, the lady in question is independent, and has carried many responsibilities. Raising a child on her own being just one of them.

Suffice to say, this lady, who has remained unaware of much of her behaviour during her life, has had a horrible time. Many of the events in her life have placed excessive demands on her. Excessive pain and confusion has been due to her ability to reject everyone, and everything good, from her life so far. To add to this, her list of past (and present) ailments would include: cervical cancer, crones disease, anorexia and chronic tooth decay. She deserves an award all of her own, just for making it through.

Snippets of conversation have led me to the understanding, her childhood was full of neglect, and other forms of abuse. Please note: It’s certainly not my place – beyond a therapeutic setting – to interfere, counsel or advise, in any capacity whatsoever, someone who has no wish to seek such things. As such I’m a very good silent-listener in her company. Now, the clue to my next award-proviso is in the word seek, because:

An adult must be a seeker.

What must they seek? Well, we could say, they must look to seek knowledge, awareness and truth. By seeking these things, we’re expressing our intention, to become adults.

For much of life, many people, are confused and bewildered by the behaviour of others. Many are left wondering: “What the hell is going on?” “What are these people doing?” “Why does this shit happen?” These people find relief when introduced to the value of seeking.

Shit does happen – as our beautiful American cousins are so keen on telling us – and yet shit really does happen around you, when you’re an adult amongst the children. Children keep-fucking-things-up simply because it’s in their nature to do so. As such, all this chaos, going on in the world around us, is instigated by the children who have yet to find the value in seeking.

In this vain, I’d like to think my style of writing, is suited to many people who don’t seek, purely because they’ve been put off in the past.  Many intellectuals and teachers in the world, are very possessive of their intellect and talent. To this end they deliberately confuse the buggery out of the average man. This must be another form of elitism yet to be fully recognised. So stop making things difficult for others to understand guys. There is no such thing as bad students only useless teachers. Here’s another proviso for my list:

An adult must never ride on the coattails of others.

Many adults are in the position they are, simply because they’re exploiting what they see, as the worlds children. The British aristocracy, for example, achieve this through their awards system. This system states: “We have sufficient high status to award you.” What they’re once again forgetting is, if you treat adults as children (we award you dear child) you only add to their confusion. Those who achieve greatness do this through being adults. Perhaps when the elite finally grow up themselves and find independence, instead of leeching off the rest of us, we’ll all be freed to move on to adulthood. Here’s my final proviso:

Once grown awards become obsolete

That’s right, give me a medal for picking up that rubber brick of the bottom of the swimming pool, but fuck you if you try and keep me down, by awarding me once I’m grown. We must all become sufficiently self-aware, so as to realise the gameplay of dependent adult-children, so we may then help them move on. Thankfully, now we know awards for maturity would be a paradox, I can put this one safely to bed.

Happy new year my grown up friends.

maturity

Maturity: Something people want or something they need?

maturity
Iron and vitamins or sugar? Your choice.

“It’s a bit like offering a child the choice between candy or sprouts. The adults know which one carries the iron and vitamins, and yet, if we were to ask the child, which one they want, we can all guess at the negative outcome.”

In the same light, if my intentions were incorrectly motivated, I could very easily tie my choices down here. When maintaining a blog, if the intention (unconscious or not) is to stroke the ego, through gaining more followers, I’m helping no one. At the same time as restricting myself,  through  looking to please people by stroking their ego’s (surely a kind of mutual masturbation) I’d also be restricting those I’m writing for. If you have something useful to say, stop pandering to the egos and/or your own loneliness. If you are you’ll be doing everyone a disservice.

When we think of the distinction between childhood and adulthood, the truly grown are those who have a mature sense of self. I’ve met adults who’ve never grown beyond a certain point in their maturation. This is simply because they’ve never been shown any advantage to becoming grown.

“When the child isn’t made aware of the reason, why sprouts must become their food of choice, they’ll continue choosing the sugar alternative into adulthood. They’ll potentially continue with this until diabetes catches up with them. It’s the same with alcohol and smoking, we’ll stick with the things of adolescence, as long as we remain there emotionally. For some, this will be the case, all their short lives.”

Of course there can be many other reasons why adults remain as children. Unconsciously hankering for care and attention – missing from childhood – is a major contributor to this phenomena. Extreme trauma is further example: The mind, in an attempt to defend and repair itself, can often be reluctant to move beyond extreme trauma and the associated emotions. Think PTSD.

“Headed in a slightly different direction, I also think the point about our level of independence, being a kind of marker for how mature we are, is very relevant. The level of independence we’ve achieved, clearly marks out our level of fearlessness, and courage.”

Something to consider, in this respect, is our hunter gatherer ancestors. As a result of the melting of glaciers, there’s now evidence to show, solo hunters existed and survived just as well as those who lived within tribes. Human remains, dated to be thousands of years old, have been found at the heads of receding glaciers. The shoes, mittens, clothes, weapons and walking sticks, found with these ancient finds, has been suggestive of people travelling alone. Is it perhaps the case, that solo hunter gatherers, were braver and stronger, than those in constant need of others? Was the solo hunter potentially more adaptable, more mature, and consequently less fearful?

“We can only speculate on these things, however, it’s a certain fact, those who have a high level of independence, along with a courageous and adventurous spirit, live freer more fulfilling lives. To suggest, this is something only modern man has achieved, is absurd.”

There’s no doubt, if whatever you’re doing is only done to gain more friends and followers, the content of your posts, or other creative work, will reflect this. Alternatively, if you’re writing from an adult perspective, you’ll be doing this with the intention to empower.

You might now ask what is the motivation? and the answer is of course, love. No adult will ever be empowered trough being spoken to as if they were a child. Why do you thing religious leaders are constantly tempted to call their followers children? Because they’re all children of God? Or is it more likely they need to keep them stuck in childhood (with all the disability this brings) by talking to them as if we still were?

“Whilst we remain as children – and they as the adults – we continue to give our power away. Stop talking to your audience as if they’re children and potentially you’ll gain the attention of adults followers. They’re the kind of friends I prefer.”

Those who have the courage to read something, that create thoughts directly opposed to the thoughts and opinions of the masses, are the ones who follow the solo hunter. Not because they want to be members of a tribe, they do it because they want to see and experience the freedom, maturity brings.

Jesus Christ! Just let him move on.

pain, human emotions

Imagine being reminded, year on year, about how the actions and behaviour of your past, are still troubling the people around you in the present. Imagine being guilted in this way. Imagine being reminded of your past mistakes over and over again.

To some extent we do this to ourselves. Our minds, in an attempt to resolve unfinished business, often remind us of our errors in the past. How we mistreated people. How we said or did the wrong things. Sometimes, either by our own memories or by turn of events, we’re reminded of the things we did when young and foolish.

It could be said, the benefit to this is, we don’t make the same errors over and over. As a general rule though, because of our painful, guilty mistakes in the past, we’re simply unconsciously aware of how we must behave now. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.   

And so, do we really think that if Christ were alive today, he’d actually be failing to see – how the stuff he believed and taught over two thousand years ago – has lost much of its relevance in the 21st century? Many believe he was quite a smart guy.

This intelligence would certainly be enabling him to understand, the short life he lived all those years ago, was in fact his and our childhood. What he said and did then was as a result of his childish thinking. It’s very likely he’d be totally lost and confused, (if not angry) to see billions of humans still following the teachings he believed in, thousands of years ago, as a child.

Would you want people acting on things you said and did when a child? Do we not normally leave the beliefs we held in childhood behind? Do you still believe, that in the dead of night, Santa comes down your chimney to deliver gifts? Or that the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow?

“We must leave the beliefs of childhood behind, because if we don’t, we remain stuck in that fearful place. A place many, if not all religious people, still currently inhabit.”

The comfortable position, those who work within the religion industry have placed themselves in, is something they’d rather not have to change. It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, even if this isn’t necessarily, the best route.

With this in mind, when it comes to removing ourselves from the comfortable and often fantastical beliefs of childhood, this can prove to be a painful transition. It’s never pleasant when a child – who truly believes in Santa Claus – discovers the deception. A deception designed by adults to remove fear through creating mystery and fantasy.

Like these adults JC wanted people to be less afraid. How can we think he expects us to still need the fantastical beliefs he devised – to help rid us of our fear – two thousand years on? Beliefs devised when he and humanity were still in its infancy.

Two thousand years ago, many human beings, were barbaric. Fear and guilt were used in an attempt to limit this. Religious leaders must think we’re still barbaric and underdeveloped, and as such, need the control rods of superstition, fear and guilt. Are you a barbarian? They really do have a lot to answer for don’t they? They’re keeping billions, in a barbaric, dark past.

“How do they sleep at night knowing they continue to stilt human development through failing to move away from the beliefs of their childhood?”

Of course the reason they’re unable to move forward is their fear of the pain this would potentially create. The expression: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding” will never apply to those who refuse to acknowledge truth.

Emotional pain is something we must be taught to deal with when young. Responsible parents teach our children how to temper their emotions during the trauma of their childhood. It’s the parents, who’ve yet to do this for themselves, that struggle with this responsibility. If we have little sense of personal responsibility ourselves, how can we possibly be expected to teach this to our children? Are religious leaders acting responsibly?

“If the religious ‘Fathers’ want to parent us, and teach us right from wrong, they’d better smarten up their act.”

Smartening up their act would include packing their bags. It’s the job of parents – not priests or whatever – to teach children about the importance of empathy. It’s their job to teach children how to empathise. Once we’re able to do this, right and wrong is understood to have nothing to do with god and religion, and everything to do with creating better lives for ourselves. You give fear and guilt and that’s all you’ll get. Priests often fall off the rails. This comes as no surprise when they’re already riddled with fear and guilt.

“Give someone the gift of an lemon, for example, and you can easily imagine the experience of how it tastes. Do we really need to continue tasting the lessons of two thousand years ago?”

Let’s just allow JC to move on shall we? He’s had enough of his childhood. Back then he was a martyr who, according to legend, got himself nailed to a dogwood tree. Today we can easily imagine – if we put our minds to it – that he’d find an improved, powerful and beneficial way, to teach us all about love, and how to live better lives. Do you not think?

Perhaps he’d still end up nailed to a cross. If the religious leaders had it their way he would. In order to maintain their antiquated beliefs, religious leaders, need to remember their past mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Pack your bags guys, it really is time now, for you to move on.

childhood

Fifty one years of childhood

house under construction on blueprints - building project
Childhood is the construction of our house. What kind of house would you like to live in?

“If you haven’t already you will meet certain people, on this brief trip through life, that quite simply demand your attention. I don’t mean they grab you around the throat and shout in your face to get your attention, I mean their presence is so great, you simply have no choice.”

To get down and personal with you for a moment, I can tell you there are many, many children – young boys in particular – who’re lost to the world. They’re lost because they have no guide; no example to follow. Many young boys are desperately, unconsciously seeking some form of direction, and guidance.

For me, guidance as to what it means to be an adult, has come in many forms. It would seem to me, the knowledge of how to behave, how to control my feelings, how to love and treat those around me, and most importantly how to take responsibility for myself, has taken all of my fifty one years to gain any kind of traction.

In the main, the missing element for me, during childhood, was a father figure I could grow to respect and model myself on. With the absence of this father figure – as with so many young boys – I found myself grasping at any kind of guiding light or influence I could believe in.

Unfortunately for many, this guiding light proves to be a destructive force, that causes children to drift into those lost lives mentioned earlier. Manipulative and abusive adults seek out these vulnerable children, and then use them to further their own agendas, whether this be criminality, sexual perversion or religious extremism, we all know the sad results.

Through means that are unimportant now, much of the influences I experienced as a very young boy, had elements of a spiritual nature. That is to say, at a deep level, I believed my true father to of been an important man, who died some years ago. Two thousand years ago to be more exact.

The only flaw in my mothers plan, of showing me this ideal of a father, was that he was in fact dead. A dead man can never actually show you, in practical terms, what it really means to be a grown man in the twenty first century. This is why the outdated teachings of most religions have very little, if any, bearing on modern life whatsoever. Having said that, my true father had some useful lessons to teach me, in terms of my behaviour to my fellow man.

“Without these lessons though, I would have found it much easier, to fit in.”

Most of us, don’t really take any real notice of the lessons important people teach us, until it’s too late. One of the reasons for this is the lack of respect fathers, mothers, and parents in general, show themselves and each other. Knowing how to respect yourself and each other is not something that necessarily comes naturally .

When children are unable to witness good, clear and clean examples of compassion, gentleness and love, it can take an entire lifetime – of torture and mistakes – to gain the necessary insight into how we become a grown man, or woman. Even then, to be fully grown on an emotional level, is something that we can still fail at after a lifetime.

To be gentle compassionate, understanding and loving, of all our fellow man, is something to aspire to. Perhaps only a few of us see any importance, gain or value in this, however, those few who do, are those we must look to, so our children will be inspired. Value, gain and importance comes in the form of our future survival. If we’re to survive as a species, in whatever form we evolve to, we must learn how to grow emotionally.

The curiosity needed, to inspire us to want to understand how our minds work, must come from those we see value in modelling ourselves on. Those who see the importance and value of growth, as being the future survival of mankind – even though they won’t be around to witness it – are those we must begin to take notice of, or perish.

“It may have taken me fifty one years to face my responsibilities, yet now that I have, it’s true to say the torturous pain, of being a child amongst the few adults I’ve met, is now over.”

Much of the pain you may be experiencing is borne of the confusion created, when we’re unable to step beyond a certain point, in our emotional development. It can seem that no matter how hard we work, at being grown and responsible, something deep inside longs for the love and care, we potentially didn’t receive during childhood.

If you ever meet that person who shows you the love and compassion you longed for as a child, you will hunger for their time. This is one of the reasons therapists must – and I do mean must – fully comprehend the power (and purpose) of transference, if they’re to properly protect themselves, and their clients.

And so there we are. So much pain and confusion is borne from the absence of effective role models in childhood. Parents should be particularly guarded when it comes to the behaviour and language they exhibit towards each other in front of their children.

Children notice everything. Subtle unconscious communication between the adults around them gets noticed. Be aware of this, and how disrespect of each other, directly reflects onto the child as disrespect of them. The mother who criticises her husband in front of his son or daughter is doing everyone a disservice, and likewise, the husband who mistreats his wife in front of his children.

grown

Being a fully grown adult is more than the ability to fend for oneself, it’s about seeking ways to grow emotionally, and improve ones behaviour toward others.

Being grown is also about taking full responsibility for ones feelings, behaviour, and mistakes in life. There is never anyone to blame, least of all, absent fathers in childhood. They also missed the lessons in how to be a fully grown adult. Grow and set everyone free. Please. א

Neglect and Emotional Abuse – The Silent Killers

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“We’re hearing a lot about physical and sexual abuse, less heard and less understood, are the silent killers of neglect and emotional abuse.”

When it comes to sexual abuse the damage is often untold. We may find a continuance of unhealthy sexual persuasion. Perhaps we’re promiscuous only to be left with feelings of guilt. Do you find yourself drawn to overpowering and abusing the young as you were?

Social anxiety, low self-esteem and confidence issues, can be related to the powerlessness and confusion we often felt when young. There’s no doubt, the damage of being used, confused and overpowered as a vulnerable child, follows us into adulthood.

It’s often the case, that we’re easily able to work through, and understand the consequences of sexual abuse. We’re able to right the wrongs with compassion, love and understanding, so we may heal our damaged inner child.

“For the victims of neglect and emotional abuse, it’s as if they attract a kind of darkness into their lives – all their lives – only adding to their pain and confusion.”

It’s as if all the bullies, users, abusers, spiteful and hateful people in the world, are drawn especially to them, in order to make their whole lives a painful and miserable experience. The consequences of neglect and emotional abuse, are so far reaching, that they lay waste to so many aspects of our lives. We can become despairing and directionless, falling from one disaster to another, time after time.

A hopeless situation you may think, however, all is not lost. There is much lack within society, and yet this lack, can be countermanded by a waiting abundance, simply through the action of seeking it. I’m not talking about abundance of charity here. I’m not talking about the abundance of a kind hand to a down-and-out on the street here. No, I’m talking about an abundance of information.

blackboard9c

“Provided we have the proper resources, information and understandings, shared in a compassionate and loving manner, the human mind has the ability to heal itself.”

The emotionally abused may not want to face their demons. In fact, the resistance to facing a past – filled with neglect and abuse – can be so great, that many therapist fail to help their clients move forward. They may fail, to help those in need, even glimpse beyond the confines of the negative neurological loop, abuse creates.

The cleverly equipped therapist is easily able to assist their client move through the resistance of the ego. So fast and simple, is the modern technique of GOLD Counselling, that the ego simply doesn’t see it coming. Think sleight of hand. Think about the sugar cube given to a child to disguise the sour taste of a polio vaccine dose. Think about pinching the right hand whilst we suture a wound on the left. We may only get two or three shots, at helping our overly resistant client – fearful of their pain – before a stubborn ego kicks in, yet often this is all it takes, to extend and ease a troubled life.

family

A Basic Human Right

Human Brain

“It’s said, one of our fundamental, basic human rights, is that of procreation. We have the right, as human beings, to conceive new life. It’s fundamental to our entire makeup, all of us adults, have the right, to have a child.”

It stands to reason doesn’t it? We are life, therefore, we have the right to create life. By association, we then have the right to mold this new life, in whatever way we see fit. It’s this association we must take issue with.

We must take issue: because we have the basic human right to create new life, we then have the right to make assumptions. To assume this new life has no influence in deciding how it’s raised. How can we simply assume that we have the right to raise a child, in whatever way we see fit? To do this even if we’re ignorant as to whether this is in the best interests of that child or not.

Of course who decides what is in fact ‘the best interests of the child’ raises more questions than answers. We do place governments in such a position that they hold most of the cards in this regard. Yet most governments – because of their fear of losing power – are no doubt often reluctant to interfere.

We do have social controls in place. Those who work within this field, are authorised to intervene in the most extreme cases. They must intervene when the best interests of the child are being completely ignored, and/or perhaps even abused. However, their intervention is often too little, too late, and therefore ineffective.

“So what about making the case for children’s rights before they’re even born, or better still, conceived?”

Perhaps we can play with the idea of having fewer people in the world. Would this improve things for children and their rights? What about China? Although the intention, was not to defend the rights of the unborn, but to protect the wellbeing of the living, Communist China, and its one child policy, is perhaps a good example. Do children in small families have greater rights?

China is now facing fears of economic disaster in its near future. There are too few youngsters to pay for an ageing population. When we look at the quality of life for the child – who has no siblings and as such is the sole centre of attention – has the one child policy been beneficial to China’s children?

“Interestingly, and much to the dismay of China’s leaders, even though this policy has now been abandoned. Many young couples are staying with the idea of only having one child. It has now become enmeshed into their culture.”

With all this said, even when a family is small, there is no guarantee of this improving quality of life, or asserting and improving the rights of the child. In fact it could make matters worse. Often siblings prove to be the providers/protectors of brothers and sisters, and as such, larger families do have their benefits. And let’s never forget the issue of loneliness.

Back to the point in question: who is protecting the rights of the unborn? What is it exactly that gives parents the right to bring life into a world that many consider broken and overpopulated?

Having children is certainly one of the most selfish activities there is, this is not to say there’s anything wrong with selfishness, there isn’t. The problem, is when selfishness, is mixed with ignorance.

“What would it take for potential parents to realise that the child, they’re asking to bring into the world, is not actually asking to be born?”

They may just as easily be asking to not be conceived. It may well be, that once the child’s consciousness is sufficiently developed, it would much prefer to have never been born; ever increasing suicide rates no doubt the solution.

And so, along with reducing suicide rates and protecting the rights of children, what would it take for humans to make this world – and its people – a more welcoming and pleasant place?

Surely potential parents should be asking themselves: “do we really want to bring a new life into this world that we’ve turned into a hell?” Why are parents so decided on bringing new life into this hell only to perpetuate its existence? Surely any parent would want to bring a child into a heaven, rather than a hell?

The answer, for most, is of course family. We create a little slice of heaven with our families don’t we? We exclude and negate the existence of the hell all around us, by creating the warm bosom of family. When we have family, we can find a little peace of heavenly-safety, longingly returned to each day. Something that’s way and above the depths of this hell we’ve created.

“Thank goodness for family you might say. And as long as we continue to place psychopaths in charge of this hell, then hell – outside our small family units – is all we’ll get.”

This does bring me back to something I’ve mentioned in the past: The Global Family. We know immigration doesn’t work – it will never take over five billion humans out of poverty – and so what is the answer to creating the ease and safety, a Global Family, is likely to create?

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The answer is a common understanding of the most fundamental concept to human survival: LOVE. Surely love, and a clean understanding of this, is the first basic, human right to be sought and guaranteed. Consider this definition:

“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”      Create Beautiful Partnerships

This definition of love, takes into account the natural tendency toward human selfishness. Indeed it uses this very tendency in a positive way. And what if, rather than simply stating: partners and children, we also include – all those we meet – into the definition? 

If we loved all those we meet, in the manner described above, this world would certainly be a better place. Irrespective of the size of our family, this could be achieved in a very short space of time.

“Removing fear will prove to be the most effective means of controlling the levels of our population.”

So there we are: putting the world to rights before we have children. This includes a common understanding of love, the removal of fear and effective leadership from well reasoned people. Not to much to ask for now, is it?

the key is parents who teach empathy

Where’s The Fun in That?

Golden key and puzzle

You’re crouched behind a low wall, your heart is beating fast, you’re anxious, you’re scared you have a rifle in your hands, the gun is sighted, you pull the trigger. Bang! He’s dead. So where’s the fun in that?

The plan is laid, the bomb is strapped around your torso. Now walking, as calmly as you possibly can, headed to the crowded market. You pick your moment, you’re sweating profusely, yet you know this is the only way. Bang! You’re dead.  So where’s the fun in that?

You’ve had a drink too many, you’re feeling happy, he’s asked you back to his room. You’re having sex it’s exciting, you’re drunk, and now his friend is at it too. Bang! You’re mind is dead. So where’s the fun in that?

“Whether it be shooting at your enemies, choosing martyrdom, from the self-detonated bomb, or having exciting sex taken much too far, we’re all able to find a way to make a complete mess of our own little world, aren’t we?”

You might wonder what it is that compels us humans to be so damned self-destructive. It’s not as if we plan it this way is it? The plan is usually survival of one form or another. A belief in the afterlife, one much better than this, is obviously very appealing when you live in abject misery. Especially when the corrupted teachers of hate and fear get hold of your mind when young. What underdeveloped countries lack is all too obvious: good leadership.

And what about the night out turned sour? Or playing war games with real guns and bombs, ships and tanks? We didn’t plan on getting raped. We didn’t plan on getting shot or being the shooter, destroying our lives with the guilt and shame of taking life.

Looked at from afar, we can see the games we play as simply that: games that have gone too far. Games where the rules of proper sportsmanship have become confused and overly complicated. Games of fear that we play out in reality making our lives, and that of others, a hellish misery.

When young, if we’re lucky, we’re asked to ‘play nicely.’ To play our games in a way that is controlled and based on simple rules. We’re asked by our parents: “if you hit Johnny like that, how do you imagine he feels?” We’re asked to be gentle and loving, we’re shown how to play nicely. We’re taught empathy. It’s as if we’re lacking these lessons in how to think. It’s as if we’re missing the lessons of how to love and build compassion for our fellow man.

How do the people left behind feel when you blow yourself up? How do the loved ones, of the man you’ve just shot, feel, when picking up the pieces of your violent act? If you take this woman when she’s drunk – with little control over her mind – how will she feel in the morning? Will you feel like a man or a coward? Would you feel ashamed? A real, courageous, strong man, doesn’t overpower a woman, to get what he needs, he respects her needs first. Where have all these men gone? Where are all the gentle-men?

“Truly courageous men and women don’t take up the gun or the bomb in the belief it will get the job done. True courage is displayed by those who seek, the more challenging and difficult job, of finding peaceful solutions. Where have all the peace-keepers gone?”

We can carry on failing and flailing, in an unthinking way, or we can plan to succeed. We succeed, not through destruction, but by the construction of loving bonds and lasting resolutions to the lazy solution of fuelling violence, anger and hatred. It starts with understanding how we fail. We fail through failing to plan with empathy and love for each other in our hearts. We fail by failing to plan.

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When it comes to planning, and specifically how we plan on finding the correct people to lead us, it’s seems we’ve still to learn from our mistakes. We humans, don’t necessarily always learn from our mistakes, only sometimes.

So what about leadership? Those who are drawn to politics are not necessarily the correct calibre of people to lead us. We need a rethink. At the end of the day, it’s us that’re electing people who border on – or are completely full blown – psychopaths. Loving, powerful leaders with the skill of empathy, are rare, how do we find them? We find them in their childhood.

We must teach our children empathy and how to be effective leaders in their childhood. Only then will we have a pool of potentials, who, as adults, can lead us all on to greatness. Sound crazy? Think about it. We really do need a rethink, or perhaps just a reminder, of how and why certain leaders, from our distant past, became so great.