The Power of Personal Development

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is Power

Like it or not if we want more personal power we’re going to need the know-how. The knowledge of how others surreptitiously take our power, and how we might be unknowingly giving it away, will prove invaluable. We can either gain this knowledge through the school of hard knocks, or we can learn avoidance techniques. It’s a simple choice. And it’s those who realise the benefits to learning additional life-skills that are awarded personal power.

Relationships are Important

It’s a rare thing to enter adulthood with the kind of emotional maturity that awards us good relationships. It’s true to say, the better equipped we are at displaying emotional maturity, the more likely we’ll find that person of our dreams. The individual who’s respectful of our needs, and at the same time mature enough to put their needs in the proper place, finds beauty in their relationships. We’re able to be one of the fortunate when we have the correct information to hand.

Awareness is Paramount

Increasing self-awareness comes as a by-product of knowing others better. Once we understand the reflective nature of people’s character, we’re awarded an unprecedented ability, to see ourselves objectively. It’s only once we can do this, that we’re able to raise our self-awareness and our game. Self-awareness empowers us to take full control of ourselves and our lives. Take for example, the person who’s in a constant state of confusion over their mood swings. They report feelings of being out of control; as if they’re on a “constantly moving emotional seesaw.” We ask about diet, walk them through a typical day, only to discover their bad habit. We then point out, how gobbling five hundred calorie sugar hits, four or five times a day, is likely effecting their brain, thus raising their self-awareness. Knowledge is power.

Knowing What to Believe

Knowing what we believe gives us the ability to question and change those beliefs that limit us. For example, the person who grows up believing big (overweight) gives them the power to intimidate people, and get their needs met through this intimidation, is limited through simple belief. We help such an individual, who might be five stones overweight, through helping them recognise how they’re carrying five stones of fear. Fear shortens lives, either through being afraid ourselves, or believing we need others to be this way, so we may get our needs met. Never be afraid to question beliefs.

Time is of The Essence

The sooner we’re in a position of power, over ourselves, choices and ultimately our lives, the sooner we get started on truly living. We can do away with much of the drama of life, through being informed, and in emotional control. Learning how we create our own difficulties, through bad relationships and limiting beliefs, is at the core of making the most of our precious time. Never waste time thinking ‘things will just work themselves out in the end.’ By the time that arrives, it will of course, be too late.

You can find your application form here.

The Curious Nature of Money

The Curious Nature of Money

“Looking closely at money does seem to open up more questions than answers”

Even so, questions are important, and discussing money, so we can lose some of the potential stress and misunderstandings surrounding it, will be of great value (excuse the pun).

Often when seeking to understand money, we’re given advice and guidance that relates directly to its management: how best to save, invest, earn etc. All well and good, however, there is something of fundamental importance, that’s often overlooked: The Psychology.

The Curious Nature of Money

Time and money bear a close correlation. For example, we want that new car, bike or pair of shoes, but don’t currently have the cash available. So rather than waiting, until we’ve saved enough, we borrow. Buy now pay later. You might think fair enough. If we’re prepared to pay the interest on the loan, we’re able to enjoy the goods now, rather than later. But what is the psychology behind this thinking.

“What is buy now pay later really all about. Is this a lack of patience? Is it just a social thing? Or is it that our wants are greater than our needs?”

I’m able to compare my own experience of being young and broke with someone who is currently just starting out in life. When I was sixteen I didn’t have the cash to buy the moped I desperately needed, so, with my father acting as guarantor, I borrowed. It turned out to be a mistake – I borrowed more than I could afford – and my father had been foolish to allow it. He’d been unable to advise me otherwise. In comparison, I’m aware of a young man who, even though his earning capacity is restricted, has successfully managed to save enough money to buy his first moped. He’s also now saving for his next bike; a bigger one. He has no debt. To be able to put the words young and patient together, in the same sentence, is a very rare thing.

“We can know this is down to several potential factors”

Firstly he hasn’t been able to borrow money (no guarantor) or secondly he’s been cleverly advised out of it. The chances are, his beliefs – formed from advice and experience – have created a positive time/money correlation. In other words, he’s learned patience in its respect.

Home Ownership

Of course saving for a moped is one thing, yet buying a house for example, would be an entirely different matter. With the property market as it is, it would be nigh on impossible for the average person to ever save enough to buy one outright. He or she would be so old, by the time they’d saved enough, that they’d never have the chance to enjoy it. Plus we have the problem of house prices always increasing way above the rate of pay increases. And isn’t that a curious thing? The gap between the rich and the poor ever increasing do you think?

“Anyway Let’s Not Get Distracted!”

That last paragraph does all hinge on our beliefs relating to home ownership. Provided we’re able to find a decent landlord we can be quite happy renting. If you’ve no concerns over leaving inheritance to family members (or cat charities,) then owning your own home, is in fact a bit of a nonsense. We can all be sold on the idea of having no mortgage in retirement, but that can be offset, with the belief that retirement is a complete nonsense too. Retire from what? There are many ways we can stay as wage earners in old age. Society actually requires input from the older generation. This is in much the same way children (mostly) benefit from knowing grandparents.

The Curious Nature of Money

We could go on and on with the debate over money, yet there is one simple answer to removing much of the stress surrounding it. I touched on this earlier. It’s that thing of our wants being greater than our needs. Once we can reach a point in our lives where our wants match our needs we’ll be in a favourable position. The sooner the better. This is the time/money correlation in its essence.

“Doing this involves some cleverness”

If, at the age of sixteen, I’d been a little more canny and wise to the world, I could have avoided much of the stress and difficulties I’ve experienced ever since. If someone had said to me:

“Look kiddo, here’s the thing, you’re being fucked over by your own wants and your wanting is being driven by your beliefs on happiness.”

“Right now you believe the only root to your happiness is that moped, right? Okay, so what would need to happen for you to find this freedom and happiness without it?”

That last question would certainly be a mind-bomb for the average sixteen year old. It would probably be the case, that suggestions from someone I believed in and respected, would’ve been necessary. Perhaps, if such a person had introduced me to an inexpensive hobby, things would have worked out differently. Perhaps, if it’d been explained – in clear and simple terms – that happiness and freedom must begin in the mind, and never outside of it, things would have been very different.

The Curious Nature of Money

All in all, there’s no getting away from the facts of life: We will always need sufficient money to cater for our basic needs and independence. Without that we’ve no chance of happiness, and to add to our misery, illness is potentially around every corner.

“So to close”

Hopefully this has opened up your mind a little to the subject in hand. I would question the belief that money buys happiness. Without our basic needs being met, we’ll be unhappy, that’s a given. However, our attitude of mind, mentality and belief system, has great bearing on the amount of stress and unhappiness we might experience around the subject. It’s really worth pondering on the time/money correlation. Surly it’s the case, the wiser we are and the sooner we find this wisdom, the happier we will be from the offset?

You can find out more on beliefs through workshop attendance and by typing in the search word ‘beliefs’ into the appropriate box. Your application form can be found here.

 

Personal Development Courses

So many people dream of having different lives. We know what we want, yet seem limited by forces unknown. Feeling these unknown forces (perhaps in the form of frustration, anger or despair) simply means we’ve reached the limits of our resources.

“The most valuable life skill of all is that of thinking. It is the way in which we think, that decides the kind of life, we experience”

The ability to change our internal environment (how we think), about any given situation, awards us the ability to change our external experience. Let’s use the example of a business facing staff relationship difficulties.

Relationship difficulties within companies are often the result of poor management. The relationships between staff members often needs to be managed. If the managers themselves lack sufficient resources, in terms of how they relate to people, this will be reflected through the business as a whole.

Now, the manager in our example is a woman who believes men are idiots. The reasons for this are in some ways complicated, yet in others, very simple. The complication is why she believes this, and yet, the easy solution lies in how. In other words, all our manager needs to ask herself is: how am I creating this problem with my staff? At this moment in time there’s no need for us to complicate things by looking to understand the psychology of why. From time to time we all face self-imposed difficulties. The quick solution is all we need right now. This is found by asking: How? The how is simple.

This is How

“The manager in our example only shares the minimum of information with her staff”

Communication is the main issue. When teaching her staff she omits lots of detail. Because of this they make lot’s of mistakes. Once the mistakes are made, she’s then able to firmly place the blame on others and announce to herself: this is happening because all men are are idiots. The manager is simply fulfilling a belief – that becomes fact – through her inability to objectively see what she’s doing.

A Simple Thinking Tool

The simple thinking tool of asking ourselves: how am I creating this problem? is powerful in several ways. Firstly, when we see the faulty generalisation of our beliefs, and how we’re fulfilling them, we’re then able to change. Secondly, and potentially the most difficult element to this, is we’re able to take ownership of the problem. It is us that creates our own difficulties. Even though this is the case, if we’ve reached the limit of our resources, change is impossible. Our manager is unable to change until she’s able to see her behaviour objectively. This is where development courses come into play.

Once the manager in our example is made aware of the error in her thinking – so she may improve her communication skills – her business will begin to thrive. Her staff will be happier, feeling increasingly competent in their duties, and she will begin to feel less stress and confusion.

Our Personal Development Weekend Courses are beliefs and relationships focused for very good reason. The valuable life-skills-resource of improved thinking turns dreams into reality. In addition to this, improving how we think, removes the negative emotions that keep us stuck is self-destructive patterns.

To book your place on one of our courses complete the form here.

Who or What is God?

Who or What is God?

We can never know the answer to that question

The thing about God is we can neither prove nor disprove His existence. You might think this convenient for those who believe in Him. Perhaps you’d be right with that. For those who do believe in God The Creator, all they need do, is look around and see proof of His existence, everywhere. The belief is sufficient for them to totally negate the realities of evolutionary processes.

And then we have the dilemma of who started that process. Who’s to say it wasn’t God, who planted that first seed, triggering what resulted from a few amino acids, some billions of years ago. To some it’s simply a game of numbers: enough suns with exoplanets, mixed with a lot of heat, chemicals etc., and eventually you’ll get life. But who’s to say it wasn’t a being of higher consciousness, that created the gases and chemicals, that made all the suns to begin with. We could go on forever with that argument, couldn’t we?

The Believers

At the end of the day beliefs are all it comes down to. Beliefs will always be blind to evidence for or against. Think of the web of beliefs, relating to God or Gods, that have been created by man. Over thousands of years they’ve been constructed as a means of explaining the unexplainable: who we are, why we’re here and so on.

“Beliefs are a means of explaining but also a means of shifting responsibility. A means of empowering some, and at the same time, disempowering others”

Think of those who believe that God is in some way responsible for their suffering. They say: “I’m suffering and this is God’s will.” In other words they’re saying: “I have no choice.” To believe that a higher force has control over what happens to us during our lives, is defeatist for some, and empowering for others. Those who are in control of the rules, the religious leaders, live off the back of these kinds of beliefs. It’s useful, for these particular human beings, for their subjects to feel they have no choice; that it’s God’s will no matter what’s happening to them.

On the positives of beliefs in God

Think of those who believe they are in some way chosen; that their good fortune can be attributed to the grace of God. Such people have been hated all through history. To make such a claim no doubt causes the claimant to stick out somewhat. A bit like the proverbial sore thumb hit with a hammer wouldn’t you say? They feel they’re looked on favourably by God. The advantage to this is, if you actually believe it, then you will be. Your mind has reason to believe that you will have a blessed and fortunate life. It is God’s will that you should prosper. Perhaps we should all have some of that!

Just yesterday I became engaged in conversation with a fellow blogger. Obviously a very intelligent young man who, even after some well placed argument, still insisted that God is responsible for suffering. I told him how I understood suffering to be a choice. How suffering has been devised by man for the control of other men.

For example, if we lock a man in a cell, and because isolation is against the instincts of man, he will suffer. However, if he trains his mind sufficiently, he can actually adjust to his isolation. He can begin to accept and potentially even enjoy it. But until this is the case, he’s at the mercy of his captors; totally under their control. Ask yourself this: Is a homeless man, who has adjusted to life on the streets, free or as trapped as we are? The average man has many, many chains, to bind him.

It is always a choice as to whether we suffer or not.

To my fellow blogger I also mentioned the flip side of all this. How those who suffer are teaching guilt. How they’re telling the rest of us: “I am suffering, so you must help me.” Their suffering is buying them something. It’s getting them a level of control over the people who surround them. Much in the same way a child will gain attention from its carers when in pain.

The child will learn that pain gets attention. Occasionally such a child will grow to adopt the “I’m suffering” angle as an adult. They do this in order to gain the illusion of power over others. To gain power over a system. It is of course a nonsense and an illusion; a fragile one at that. What the sufferer doesn’t realise is, their choice to behave in such a way, is to behave as a child all their life; so very wasteful wouldn’t you say? To waste a life. To then claim, their suffering is God’s will, is just another means of not taking personal responsibility. “It’s not my fault” they say.

I told my fellow blogger the tale of man I once new whose wife had died unexpectedly young. All this widowed man did was mope and moan. He suffered for years in his grief. I told him about choice and he shouted: “Oh, so I chose for my wife to die?!” I said: ‘No but you are choosing to maintain your suffering.’ He didn’t thank me, that’s for sure, and yet probably changed at a later date.

A Childish Concept

When we take a step back and consider the kind of things said, relating to God, we can see them as a construct from the childish human mind. The idea of prayer. An afterlife (there is one of sorts, think of the lifespan of an atom, it’s a very, very long time). Virgin births without medical explanation; that our destiny is out of our hands. Remember, many of these beliefs only suit those in power. Religions keep us in our place. Religions keep us powerless and subservient to the antiquated beliefs, that are serving to maintain the easy lives, of the powerful. Royalty and religious leaders live of the back of our continued ignorance.

“All in all, to think we can have any idea – of the what and who of God – is an absurdity”

Staying with childish thoughts for a moment. If there was a higher being, able to create the universe and everything within it, how could we, with our level of consciousness, ever possibly understand this. With our minds, as they currently are, we can only just touch on the realities of what surrounds us. We are simply not conscious enough to properly conceive of a consciousness that could create all that we see. At the present time we can only guess, with our childish notions, of what this is really all about.

One thing we can conceive of is time. We have a small sense of its passing. The universe is old, very old, and it’s true to say, a lot can be achieved if you have enough time. Perhaps that’s all we’re really dealing with. After all, there are very good odds of extraordinary things happening, when given enough time. Time is all we have. Be the master of your own destiny. Contact Us.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

Want to learn more? Contact Us     

A Ruthless Determination

Ruthless Determination

“A ruthless determination is all well and good, yet without the proper resources, all we’re left with, is ruthless self-destruction”

Frustration and confusion can often be the end result of our strength and determination when this is in conflict. For example, we may have a strong determination to succeed and change our situation, but no matter our efforts, all we succeed at, is failure. Believe it or not, there can exist a part of the mind, that has a ruthless determination to fail. Imagine a mind with unequal determination, between success and failure, that has become tipped toward the latter.

A conflict of this nature can be down to something as a simple learning we experience when young. It could have been a very important event, let’s say a sports event, that we failed at aged five. So important was this event, in the mind of the five year old, that failure was soul destroying. The reaction from parents, teachers and siblings only compounded this failure. Such an individual, may go on to show great promise, but always end up falling at the starting line. The same nervousness, experienced aged five, can still be felt aged forty five!

“The feeling of nervousness associated with events when young can stay with us all our lives”

Now imagine the same sports event but with a completely different outcome. Instead of humiliation, disappointment and guilt, there was the exhilaration of running over the finish line coming first. It’s these kind of experiences that make the difference between winning and losing. They often become a continuing theme throughout the whole of our lives. We come to believe we’re winners or losers respectively.

“Even when winning, if we’re filtering our successes through the belief we always fail, we’ll not be recognising our greatness”

The good news is, through the unique nature of workshops run by The Freedman College, we’re able to question the relevance of such experiences now we’re grown. We’re also able to question the appropriateness of the reactions from the adults around us at that time. As such, not only are we able to remove the limiting beliefs borne from our negative experiences, we become better parents too.

The resources are now here and we’re ready to share them with you. Contact Us.   

Don’t Sweat it, The Solution is Here

“Even though it might sound scary to hear: “you are not aware of the reason why you’re unable to get what you want,” it is easily resolved”

Of course, if you were aware of the reason, you’d easily fix it wouldn’t you? That’s where the ‘easy’ bit comes into play: awareness. When we know exactly what the problem is, we’re empowered to repair it.

Let’s say you had toothache. You might take some strong painkillers to begin with but eventually, as the pain persisted, you’d seek out the services of a dentist. This does beg the question of why so many of us put up with the emotional pain and frustration of not being able to find fulfilment or peace. Do we think there’s no one or ‘no thing’ to turn to? Or is it because the issue is with our minds we feel there’s no choice. At the end of the day, it could be said, all problems originate from within the mind. We feel the pain in a tooth but it’s our brain creating the sensation.

The motivation to be free of pain, or to move forward and seek more from life, are equally as important. We move forward when we understanding what’s holding us back in the first place. The motivation to be free of physical pain is obvious. We want relief. When it comes to the motivation for more this is often driven by fear or the need to please. The reward of praise and of course money are also important. The alternative to this, is to have a ‘purer’ motivation; that of love. When this is the case things get much easier and stable. When we love ourself sufficiently toothache is unlikely in the first place. When we simply love what we do this is motivation aplenty. 

“It could be that you don’t have anything you love and feel passionate about”

Relax, because all this means is, you’ve yet to find it. In order to find that ‘thing’ our minds must be in the right place. Clearing away much of the clutter is the solution to that particular problem. The clutter is the programming and conditioning of our beliefs.

It’s been made very clear in the previous post how the nature of our beliefs create circumstances where we fail to filter out our conditioning. In other words, living in a particular way is unrecognised as conditioning and state of mind. When we adopt a particular lifestyle, not pushing our boundaries sufficiently, this is through the expectations and conditioning dictated by others. The way we live is considered the norm by the people around us. It just becomes the accepted norm and we have no clue, idea or inclination, to move beyond a certain point.

We don’t even know why we feel frustrated because we can’t ‘see’ the conditioning; we have no filter. No awareness. Bring in the belief (and actually believe it yourself) “love is work made visible” for example, and things begin to change.

“It’s the filtering system we must look at”

The challenge, of explaining how belief and/or lack of it, can just as easily disable, as enable us, is not to be underestimated. For example – and to meet this challenge – if you believed it the norm to spend most of your time around other human beings, yet felt at your most productive and happiest when alone, there’s obviously going to be conflict. If we now creatively question this, and then bring in the belief “there is no norm,” we reduce the conflict. We’ve questioned a limiting belief and introduced a more useful one. We’ve altered the filters.

Let’s look at another one. The statement: “a motorcycle needs to be noisy in order to be safe” (other road users can hear you) is not a fact but bullshit. This particular nonsense is pedalled by those who think a noisy bike is an expression, of one kind or another, but in reality, has very little to do with road safety. I for one get annoyed with people who feel it okay to infect the air with their racket. The louder the bike the more frightened everyone else should be kind of thing.

“It might be the case that a pedestrian can hear a noisy bike coming but it’s a pedestrians responsibility to also open his eyes”

A strong wind and a fast bike can diminish and push away a lot of sound from a pedestrian’s ears, as such, how loud a fast bike is – on a windy day – becomes irrelevant. And now with the advent of electric cars and bikes, more kids are going to need the importance of looking up, drummed into them.

Anyway, the belief: Bikes need to be noisy to be safe, is a convenience for cretins on loud machines. Many beliefs are simply there for the convenience of those who hold them. The example given above makes it clear how a belief, misguided, convenient or whatever, is a filter that keeps the holder stuck. I doubt we’ll get to see a Hell’s Angel – with his silly patch sewn onto his sleeve, machete or shotgun over his shoulder – riding on the back of an electric motorcycle any day soon. Who knows though, perhaps they’ll prove me wrong. Brum, brum, or is it Swisssssh . . . Love it!

The Filters to Absurdity

“I wonder if you remember mixing paint together in art classes at school?”

A big brush held in a small hand creating new colours through mixing the primary colours in light. Mix yellow and red and you’d magically get orange. Blue and yellow to get green; blue and red to find the beautiful colour violet. Who said magic doesn’t belong on planet Earth?

For many it’s a fascinating experiment when first observed. And it’s not until we understand the nature of light, how it’s made up of all the different colours of the spectrum, do we get a clearer sense of the outcome when we mix things up a little

When we look closer at the properties of light, and why everyday objects reflect the colours they do, grass is green, the sky is blue etc., we get a clearer understanding of how our beliefs also act as the filters to our world.

Why is the grass green? Well, put simply, the reason grass is green is because the molecules within it, absorb light in a different way, to let’s say, red chillies. The molecules within grass reflect the green wavelength of light from the sun and absorb the rest; likewise with chillies. The chilli reflects red but absorbs all other colours.

“So, moving this forward, and using it as an analogy of the nature of mind-beliefs, we get a sense of their filtering or reflective nature”

Just as with the reflective nature, of everyday objects to light, if you believe you can’t do something, or have no belief in your ability, this is how the mind will negate or ignore your potential respectively.

Our beliefs are similar to the way colours are absorbed (a red chilli is red because it absorbs all other colours except red). Without undue resistance, we simply do the very things, we believe in. In fact, so immediate is the effect, we don’t even notice.

For example, if you believed the belief I’m a good communicator (perhaps translates as: I’m a good talker), you’d simply do it without needing to give it much conscious thought at all. The opposite of this is also true. If you believed the belief: I’m a poor communicator, you’d stumble, mumble, cough and struggle through the whole process, or potentially, you’d never say anything. On this point, is it just me, or are many of our young becoming increasingly poor communicators? Anyway, back on track and:    

“Getting down and dirty for a moment”

Let’s take the example of this belief: Love is control. Now, as absurd as it might seem, it’s perfectly possible (for a while at least) that this belief would award its holder the ability to control the person they’re supposedly in love with. What happens though, when the varying means used for control, inevitably fail?

Perhaps the frustration of such failure would drive them into getting hold of a gun and shooting the individual they were unsuccessfully trying to control? In the mind of such an individual, they may even now, through their insanity, still believe love equals ownership and control. How many murderers (insanely) still think they have the upper hand? Is taking someone’s life perhaps the ultimate in control? Interesting, is it not, how an absurd belief can still potentially be maintained even after its failure. How many perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they’re in love? WTF?

Let’s go further and give a positive, much simpler example, of the filtering nature of beliefs. Consider the belief in luck. As a consequence of filtering life through the belief: I am lucky, you certainly will be!

Every occurrence of good fortune will be attributed to your lucky nature; and good luck to you! In addition to this, the belief you’re lucky, will, in effect bring you more good luck, simply because you’re filtering out bad luck.

“It’s not necessarily the case that you do experience more luck than average, however, seeing life through rose coloured spectacles, as it were, means your life will seem to you, and perhaps even others, more fortunate and happier than average”

One sure way to get above the average, and increase the amount of luck and happiness you experience in life, is to begin wondering how you might filter your thoughts in a more positive way. Removing the beliefs that negatively influence you will be just the start.

If there are presently negative, controlling influences in your life, questioning your beliefs will undoubtedly help you understand why. There will be a reason. Indeed we could all ask: Why are we putting up with the negatives from the people around us? Believing in the importance of living life on our terms, as free individuals – in complete control of our futures – is a filter (belief) to nurture and propagate.

Remember now, how red and blue created the new and beautiful colour, of violet? This understanding helps to clarify how believing the beliefs: love and freedom – mixed together – equal happiness. Ponder on this, it will  help you find its reality.

Personal Development from The Freedman College will help you discover more about this fascinating subject. Contact Us, you never know your luck, or do you?

Educate

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Educate

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own expectations”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  

  

A Beautiful Belief

The question: What is a beautiful belief? Was posed earlier. After a ride out in the sunshine, followed by a shower and then lunch, here is the answer:

For example, let’s say you believed: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others.

Having stated this, how you offer peace of mind, would need to be in congruence with this. To explain, if you did hold the above belief relating to peace, and yet thought this was achieved through giving people your time or money, with no expectation of any return, you may be in for a rough ride.

For a belief to be beautiful it must work in tandem with the grand scheme of things. In other words, any exchange of energy (money and time in this example) must be reciprocated (in some way) or eventually it becomes depleted. You’ll simply run out of energy. This, based on our current understandings of the universe and its laws, is within the grand scheme.

“It could be you enjoy giving your time and money and the reward for you is simply the pleasure this brings”

Again, there is a slight problem here. Any respect, the recipient of your free time and money had for you, will eventually be lost. They may even come to despise you for it. This is all to do with exchange of power.

Those who simply give, without expectation of return, from any quarter, are in to either alleviate guilt, or gain power borne from superiority. People come to understand this and eventually hate us for it. And so, even though our intention isn’t, ‘give to get,’ it must be seen that once people are on their feet – so to speak – the money and time we’ve given away, must be paid forward.

Paying forward is comparable to the movement of waves; their energy keeps flowing on and on. Expecting direct, immediate return from energy given away, is a self-centered brick wall.

“Paying things forward is part of the beautiful belief: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others”

When giving of our time and money, we must also instil the belief of why, we’re doing it. We don’t expect return directly, yet we do expect it to be paid forward. In this way we can know – in time – we’ll be rewarded and our energy returned in some manner. This is the belief in there being a law – of natural balance within all things – (described as Dharma in some religions), and when adhered to, this creates peace of mind.

Contact Us if you would like to know more about Creating Beautiful Beliefs.

A Beautiful Li(F)e

“Gaining a beautiful life has nothing to do with status, equality, or justice”

A beautiful life is gained when we’re raised by adults who empower us through their love. Their empowering love manifests itself through a burning desire to teach us how to be fully grown. Being educated and informed, as to the ways of the world, and entering adulthood with our eyes open, means we’re properly equipped, to see through the lies.

Inequality is the result of beliefs held by the individual and the level of their dependence created through ignorance. The uneducated, ignorant individual, can do nothing about inequality. The educated man will see it for what it truly is: The belief in have or have not. The main thing the educated man truly wants and needs – to live a beautiful life – is a family and an empowering love, driving him, to raise our children to be fully grown adults. A beautiful cycle.

“Justice and injustice are a fallacy”

There is no such thing as justice. Where there is no justice there is no injustice. We have peace of mind, and resolution to the wrongs inflicted upon us, when we fully understand the need for painful lessons in life. Seeking justice, instead of understanding, keeps us as children wanting an immature vengeance. We’re taught: In order to ease our pain, we must cause more.

“The response to pain, from an adult love, is the search for understanding”

The parents of a brain dead child, fighting to keep him artificially alive, do this due to their inability to see the rights of the child as being greater than their own. When we, as a species, see the rights of the child, as always being greater than ours (by default), we will evolve into the loving beings we’re (possibly) destined to become.

“If we’re going to award a child the right to life, we must also be prepared to offer this same child, the right to die. The fact we need a court of law, to decide this for us, is absurd”

Parents, who have no model or concept of what it means to be fully grown, are constantly fighting a battle with themselves. They are quite literally fighting for control over their emotions and powerful will of their inner child. They cannot stand to let go of a child they believe to be their property. The child does not belong to them it belongs to itself. We can empathise with their suffering, yet how can we possibly display sympathy, for parents who are prepared to put their needs (to be free of suffering) before the rights of the child? The paradox, is now the courts have instructed them to allow the child to die in peace, their suffering will end.

“The worlds beliefs in money, equality and justice, will change, once we’re free from the suppression of ignorance”

True freedom is the ability to question the beliefs and expectations of others. Amongst many other things, the mature parent, is able to teach the child power of choice. They ask: “If you choose this option what will the possible outcomes be? Are those outcomes something you want?”

Contact Us if you need to know more about freeing yourself from limiting beliefs.    

Listen and I Hear You

“What qualities do we need in order to really listen?”

What is it that makes a good listener? Is it the case, that it’s only those who actually want to be heard, that are? Is it not so much about people listening, but more about our ability, to command the ear?

We’ve all had times when we’ve been talking and known we’re not being heard. I can tell you from experience, being heard, for what we’re really saying, is an absolute rarity. It’s those who’re able to hear the underlying, unconscious messages in our language, who’re the true listeners.

“Perhaps what needs to happen, is the words being spoken, must be considered by the listener to have value”

If we don’t rate the person speaking, as having anything of value to add to our lives, will we ever listen? Do we value ourselves enough to listen? Sometimes, when our self-esteem is low, we feel threatened by those who have something valuable to say. On these occasions we simply block out what’s being said.

It is of course important we have good rapport with those we want to get a message to. Talking about those things that are of a common interest, to both talker and listener, is one of those key ingredients for good conversation. In fact, not saying much at all, and simply allowing others to talk about what interests them, can be sufficient.

Pacing and leading is the method we must use to get our own message across. We listen intently and match the speed, cadence and tonality (even accent) of the other voices. We then look to gently lead the conversation onto topics that relate to our message and our interests.

One very useful consideration at this point, is to be aware of how the filtering systems of our beliefs, effect the listener and what they actually hear. Perhaps you can relate to how sometimes you’ve said something and the listener has completely misconstrued what you’ve said. This is the filtering mechanism of the mind and its beliefs at work.

“If we have poor understanding of what’s being said, we may compensate for this, by responding through the filters of what we do understand or believe”

This goes some way to explaining why, a lot of the time, it’s pretty much a waste of time looking to change someones mind about an issue they resolutely believe in. Unless we begin, by explaining the value in questioning what they believe, we’ll have little chance of changing it.

Finally, listening is also about attention. Gaining a persons attention, so as we may pull them of the track of their own thoughts, if only for a moment, is key. Many people spend a great deal of time lost in their own thoughts. So lost in this way are some, that speaking their name, or even gently touching their arm, will be necessary to gain their attention. Gentleness is also often overlooked.

“It’s worth bearing in mind, if you want to be heard, you must be prepared to listen. If you’re not really listening, how can you expect others, to give you their attention?”

We’re all shouting at each other really, and often it’s those who speak in mild, gentle tones, who speak the loudest. The key, is gaining the listeners attention, in the first place. What needs to happen for someone to gain your full attention? What is your passion? What is really being said here? What are people really seeking when talking to you? Do you value yourself enough to give them your time and full attention?

Are you able to see and feel what someone is saying? Now you’ve cracked it. Rare is it not? Be cautious though, it’s very tiring.

Personal Development – The Rise of Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity

“The majority of us have something specific we want to be good at. This, of course, is where the personal element of Personal Development comes into play”

Let’s say your goal was Emotional Maturity. It’s certainly a grand goal to have, and one that benefits not only the individual, but society as a whole. Becoming emotionally mature assists your life and the lives of many. Just being around someone who has this development in mind is a refreshing and beneficial place to be.

From our standpoint, emotional maturity, is based on wholeness. Wholeness is achieved through raised awareness of the self and drivings. Emotional maturity has been achieved, when our drivings become less self-centered, and more concerned with the greater good. This is a fabulous marker for recognising our own maturity. What are your true motivations?  

“Setting great examples to those around us is also an indication of our emotional maturity”

There is so much we can do, that sets great example, to demonstrate this. Take for example picking up rubbish from the streets. If we do this angrily, looking to shame the litter bugs, it defeats the objective. Alternatively, picking up after others, then calmly placing it in bins, sets good example. We’re able to do this when guided by a maturity that understands this kind of behaviour also gets noticed. And better still, it gets noticed, in a positive light. It’s setting this type of good example that makes the difference to those who are less mature than ourselves. They need our positive influence.

To continue with the emotion of anger, as example for a moment, we can know that becoming angry, through the inconsiderate and unthinking behaviour of others, is only useful when directed in a constructive way. It’s only when we direct our annoyance – away from the unthinking child – but at the root of the problem (immature parenting) will we effect change. Emotional maturity dictates we do this, not by shouting and blaming, but through understanding.

To explain further, let’s bring things down another level: What is at the root of immature parenting? Statistics give us a clue to this. Birth rates amongst the poorest in society are on the rise. Why is this? The belief that lack of money equals lack of opportunity may well have a bearing on this. An unthinking attitude to life – only barely self-aware, and as such subservient to our instinctive drivings – obviously limits our options and opportunities.

“It’s not the amount of money we have that dictates this, it’s whether or not we’re able to see the alternatives, through being shown good example”

It is possible to live a full, creative and happy life, without being wealthy? Indeed it is, and all we need now, are more people setting good example of how this is done. Emotional maturity is the start and a prerequisite to all of the above.   

The Company of Friends

The Company of Friends

“His name is Kelly, a young warrior for sure”

He’s sixteen, more mobile now he owns a moped. His girlfriend is called Vanessa, certainly a beautiful butterfly, in his eyes that is; he loves her dearly.

It’s mainly bravado with Kelly, but isn’t that how it is for most sixteen year olds. They know it all, and we know how much we don’t. He jumps right in and calls me ‘big fella.’

“And how are you this morning big fella?” he’ll say.

Kelly complains about his stepfather, who tells him not to spend his money, but to save for a bigger motorcycle instead. I asked him:

‘So what’s so wrong with that?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me” Stepfathers have their uses.

Kelly tells me he wants to pass his driving test and buy a car, “better job prospects” and all that. I read between the lines, of how a girlfriend he loves so dearly, feels about the whole affair.

The stepfather is quite canny because he knows Kelly won’t be told right out. He won’t be told:

“Stop spending your money on that little girl who has none of her own, it’s not your responsibility, her happiness you know.”

He’s sixteen and romantic you see, although there’s being romantic and there’s being foolhardy. Closely related perhaps.

On one level, it may well be, stepfather knows the job young Kelly took on when he wasn’t around. Young Kelly the warrior. Um… yes, that job of keeping mummy happy. The one so many young boys, with only their mummy’s to care for, take on.

He sees it within his stepson; how he cares for young, and moody Vanessa.

“She seems a bit moody and sullen that girl” he’d say to Kelly’s mum. “Nah she’s just young” she replies.

“Young or not, it’s what she is: A player with the warriors emotions”

A warrior cannot fight the game of life for long, or to the best of his ability, when taking responsibility for the happiness of two. Vanessa must learn, or find out the hard way, because her boyfriend is now in The Company of Friends.

The Company of Friends is an organisation with a mission to enlighten. They’re clandestine, all seeing, and wise. They understand the importance of being self-assured, as our young warrior would seem. The truth of self-assured though, is to be self-aware, something you can be, no matter the age. We wonder what would happen if someone said to Vanessa: “The reason you’re grumpy is because it gets you attention, and nothing other than that, my dear.” Would she learn to be happy, to make herself that way?

“An example of where age, or time served, does not equate to experience”

Also, they’re very clever at spotting bravado; as the young warrior must display. Very clever at spotting the takers in life too. Those looking for an easy ride. Ultimately, there is no such thing, but people will feed their nonsense illusions, will they not?

There is no confusion. Love sets you free. Kelly is not in love, he’s just found someone new (now mother is taken care of) to absorb the belief in his role: to make others happy. An impossible task that will in time bring him to his knees.

Take responsibility for yourselves peeps, there is no one else going to do it for you, least not a child. Least not our warrior, who’s now, in The Company of Friends.  

  

COMPANY OF FRIENDS

When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends
Let them know me as the footprints that I left upon the sand
Let them laugh for all the laughter
Let them cry for laughter’s end
But when I die, let them judge me by my company of friends

When I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe
Let them raise a glass to consciousness
And not spill a drop for grief
Let the bubbles rise at midnight
Let their tongues get light as thieves
And when I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe

I believe in restless hunger
I believe in red balloons
I believe in private thunder
In the end I do believe

I believe in inspiration
I believe in lightning bugs
I believe in slow creation
In the end I do believe

I believe in ink on paper
I believe in lips on ears
I believe what’s shared is savored
In the end I do believe

I believe in work on Sundays
I believe in raising barns
I believe in wasting Mondays
In the end I do believe

I believe in intuition
I believe in being wrong
I believe in contradiction
In the end I do believe

I believe in living smitten
I believe all hearts will mend
I believe our book is written
By our company of friends

Copyright 2007. Words and music by Danny Schmidt.

What is a Beautiful Life?

“It stands to reason, one persons version of what a beautiful life is, will differ to another. Even though this is the case, when it comes to the majority view, we do see a common theme”

This theme is the meta-system of established beliefs pertaining to creating a beautiful life. It follows that if we have all the components, that form this meta-system of beliefs, we will be happy, complete and living the dream, so to speak.

The question that arises, for the likes of those engaged in Personal Development, is this: What if that meta-system is something we don’t want to follow? What if we prefer to question the norms society dictates?

Does this list constitute a beautiful life?

  • Find the person of our dreams
  • Get married
  • Buy a house
  • Start a family
  • Work a nine to five
  • Raise a family
  • Retire
  • Die

We must bear in mind, the type of  list above, will always have a potential sublist of problems or pitfalls. For example how many marriages are strong enough to go the distance needed to raise a happy family? How many of us will find and maintain sufficient job security to support a mortgage? How many of us get to actually enjoy a healthy old age we’ve saved for all our lives? We could go on, and of course no matter the kind of life we choose, there will always be a sublist of problems we’re likely to face along the way. It’s just the nature of things.

“The point is, what we find ourselves striving for, in terms of finding happiness and beauty in life, really does come down to what we choose to believe”

Within our definition, of what Personal Development is, we state: “Knowing ourselves better, becoming more informed of our drivings, creates the advantage of removing conflict.”

This unconscious/conscious conflict could have been created through the model of what society teaches us – about finding beautiful lives – having not fitted with our experience of it. In other words, our childhood experiences – that have now become the unconscious model to aim for – didn’t fit the conscious societal model listed above. We have a conflict, between what the individual believes, and that of society as a whole.

“If we want to understand conflict and confusion better, take a moment to consider the propaganda presented by the media – concerning happy families – and compare that to the reality”

Those around us may have tried to fit the pattern but failed spectacularly. The millions of children raised by single parents, without sufficiently effective role-models to follow, stands testament to this failing.

“The model society teaches doesn’t work for all, and especially doesn’t work, when pursued by those who’re ill equipped to find it”

Taking a breath, in order to recap now, it becomes easier to understand. If what we experienced during childhood was a poor imitation of the ideal – of what society believes constitutes a beautiful life – then we will be ill equipped to follow it. We will attempt to follow it, only to find unhappiness, conflict and stress. All this unhappiness and stress is due to our attempts to follow an ideal that doesn’t exist in our unconscious mind. In one form or another we will end up repeating the mess our parents made of things. Unless: 

“What if we changed the list and learned that a beautiful life is something entirely different?”

A Beautiful Life is gained through:

The Random Mind

Random

“They say you never step into the same river twice”

Imagine how life would be if every morning you woke with a completely different mindset. What if each morning you had a completely random set of thoughts? Or, how would life be, if there were nothing concrete about your beliefs about the world whatsoever? There’s no doubt, if your beliefs about everything were fluid and ever changing, you’d live in a complete and utter state of confusion.

Let’s just say for a moment that your beliefs about your job changed every day. One day you wake feeling in love with your work and the next you don’t. Let’s say that one day you woke believing you loved your wife or husband and the next you didn’t. How would the people around you deal with this?

There stands a very good chance they wouldn’t. Living with such a fickle individual would be intolerable; totally insufferable. So it stands to reason, the vast majority of us, don’t change our beliefs on a daily basis. The human mind does need the kind of stability required to make life predictable and manageable. Too much randomness would make things far too unsettling. We require a certain degree of stability. Those whose minds are broken, without any solidity or stability, struggle to live meaningful lives.

“This brings me to the other side of this equation”

Too much stability and predictability can be just as damaging as too little. We must acknowledge the importance of applying some randomness and change into our lives. Without it, we become bored, and stagnant. When a river stops flowing the water stagnates.

So what methods can we employ to inject the necessary amount of randomness into our lives? Well, we could play ‘The Game of Dice’ as suggested in our workbook. A very simple game.

Make a numbered list of six activities and then throw a die. Whatever number the die falls on, is the activity you must do. We’re leaving things to chance, mixing in a little randomness, with this kind of game.  A good example of the kind of lateral thinking that keeps our lives and minds flowing freely.

The Random Mond

“Now let’s come back to beliefs for a moment”

One of the reasons the game of dice is so effective is its simplicity. Another reason for its power, is the application of chance, allowing it to make decisions for us. Here’s the thing about beliefs: they don’t leave things to chance. If you don’t believe something, the chances of experiencing it, are very slim. In this respect, the list you initially draw up to play our game, will be influenced by your beliefs. As such, will it be truly random? It’s doubtful isn’t it? So we think the best way to play the game, is for someone else, to write the list for you. Consider this list:

1, Go Kayaking 

2, Go Paragliding 

3, Ask a random stranger out for dinner 

4, Quit your job

5, Learn to cook

6, Smash the TV

How would it be if you set yourself the proviso, before playing the game of dice, that you MUST do the very thing the die decides? Would life get interesting? How interesting would it get if someone else made a list for you?

“It works a little like this with beliefs”

When we consider that the beliefs we currently believe – that dictate our waking thoughts – were actually decided by somebody else, we get a feeling for the real lack of control, we actually have over our lives. These are the kind of beliefs made for us during childhood:

1, Work five days a week

2, Chain yourself to routine

3, Stay with the same partner all your life

4, Worry about a pension

5, Chain yourself to debt

6, Money equals happiness

On our workshops you’ll get the chance to choose what you’d rather believe. What would you like to believe about your future? Can you see the advantage to living a more random life? Believe you can. It starts here.

Be Ready To Believe

“Failure and rejection are unpleasant yet inevitable aspects to life”

At some point we’re all going to experience them. When we’re rejected we feel we’ve failed and of course we have. Once we pick ourselves up though, we must then come to understand, these things are only an opportunity to do it differently, next time around.

We may need to change our technique, business model, looks or approach . . . you name it. Provided we’re determined to succeed, and we alter what we did to find rejection and failure in the first place, we will. It’s simply a game of numbers. Problems arise, when after failure, we keep on with the same strategy. This is the definition of insanity.

“There are those who set out in business, with a particular product or idea, that has no practical application or demand”

In terms of invested time and money, so far are they, into the pursuit of their idea or product, some individuals often see no choice but to just blindly continue on. They may do this for many more years, wasting time and money as they do, until eventually the penny drops. Once they move on, it may well be, that an entirely different idea or product comes to mind. It’s quite often this new one that succeeds. This is the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

The point of my title is to make us aware of the need for preparedness. We must be prepared for failure and rejection, this way, we’re ready to see this as feedback and opportunity to change tack for next time. Changing direction on each pass – on each attempt – enables us to develop and grow. As we do, we increase our chances of success.

Does your product have practical application? If not you may want to have a rethink. Does your idea have a demand? If not how could you create this? Caution is advised here. We must be careful in how we may be deluding ourselves into thinking our ideas or products are fabulous, useful, or even groundbreaking. You may see it this way, but will anyone else? How will you know until you put it out there? You won’t, and so potential failure must be seen as only the feedback you need, in order to progress. Above all, stop doing what doesn’t work.

“One stumbling block many overlook is their own mind. Believe it or not, our own minds can be the very thing – the very difficulty – we need to overcome, before we succeed”

We’re all aware of the existence of the conscious mind. Your conscious of these words as you read them. What you’re not conscious of – at least until now – is your breathing or heartbeat. These things are cared for by your unconscious mind.

Unlike our heartbeat, we can alter our breathing, because this is something that’s considered semi-autonomic. Consciously changing ones heartbeat is a little more tricky. And so, the things we have conscious control over, are easy to alter and change, once we become aware of them. Becoming aware is the trick.

Believe

The majority of our beliefs remain unconscious until we request them. Beliefs remain unconscious until such a time we need to bring them into our awareness. If all of our beliefs, rattled around in our conscious awareness, all the time, we’d go completely bonkers. For example, the beliefs we hold about what food we like, are not in our thoughts all the time, but do tend to come into awareness, when we’re hungry.

“When it comes to awareness of our beliefs, it may well be, that many of the unconscious beliefs we hold, are having a detrimental effect on the outcome of our endeavours”

Consciously we may believe in what we’re selling, yet unconsciously, we may not. This conflict is a no win situation as the unconscious, always, wins. Unless, that is, we change the programming. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’ve taken a job selling insurance. You’re regularly consciously aware of your ability to sell. You look in the mirror and say “damn you’re good!” Perhaps you successfully sold yourself, or some other beautiful thing when younger, and so there’s no problem with your beliefs in that regard. There is one problem though, you don’t particularly believe in insurance.

This lack of belief, or mistrust of insurance, is not something you’re consciously aware of. Deeply set into your mind is the forgotten memory of your mother being conned by an insurance agent. This forgotten memory is creating a negative. In fact, this memory could very well be the unconscious driving force behind you taking a job as an insurance agent, in the first place. That though, is a subject open for further debate, at another time.

Anyway, staying with this example, all we need do is recover this memory and then update or change your understanding of it. In this way, we firstly make the negative belief conscious. Secondly we explained to your mind, this wayward insurance agent your mother met, was only one example. There are certainly many good examples. You being one of them. We also explain, to that part of your mind, the benefits to insurance. This ‘bolstering of beliefs’ will reinforce your ability to sell, as you now believe in the product both consciously, and unconsciously. We remove the conflict, we remove the likelihood of your own mind scuppering your success.

Meditation, leading to light trance, is experienced during the application of the GOLD Counselling method.

The Ego, Fragile Ego

Understanding the Ego (a useful take)

Synergies of Passion

It will prove useful to fix your attention on this short post for a moment. If we’re to advance, it’s important we become aware, of what drives us. We must understand the usefulness of the ego and its limitations.

Our ego is what we are, or more specifically, what we believe we are. Put another way, the ego, is the vast collection of beliefs that form our sense of self. Reinforcing this sense of self is expressed when we talk of boosting ones ego.

So when we say: his ego needs a boost we’re referring to the minds need to bolster and reinforce the minds beliefs. The ego is responsible for our reality and the testing of this reality. Confirmation of beliefs is part of this process.

For example, let’s say you believe men treat you badly. In order for your ego to test this reality you may talk openly with friends about how badly boyfriends (past and present) have treated you. The subsequent reaction of your friends will often prove a boost to your ego. In addition to this, continued bad behaviour, of future boyfriends, acts as proof and sufficient testing of the your ego’s reality. The fact that your belief is erroneous, due to its generalised nature, (i.e not all men are arsholes) is of no interest to your ego, at all.

Now, as we can see, there are negative limitations to having an ego. It stands to reason, every negative has a positive, so when it comes to its usefulness we can easily sum this up: Without an ego we become a bit of a dullard.

Alternatively, people with big egos, are interesting people. A big ego is a facilitator to living a full life. All this testing and proving – the ego requires to constantly confirm its reality – drives individuals to constantly seek more. They’re seeking more of the feelings created when it receives confirmation of what it contains. We’re given a good feeling when ego receives confirmation of our reality.

“Confusion comes when this reality is a painful one”

On the one hand we have the ego’s need to confirm what it holds (beliefs) and yet on the other hand, we have the pain these beliefs may be creating. We obviously can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time (unless we’re amongst the growing band of sadists in the world) so ego, will often defer the good feelings associated with confirmation, until later. Playing the victim when out with friends is the time for that.

Now we have a rudimentary understanding, we’re empowered to make some small, yet powerful changes. Know, all and every belief you hold, is very precious to your ego. Your ego will look to grasp on to what you are. You are your beliefs and the ego’s job is to protect their integrity.

The way in which we’re now empowered is through awareness. Once we’re aware of the job of our ego, we’re aware of its limitations. Its limitations are its unceasing need to protect the integrity of our beliefs. 

What you believe, is not necessarily, true.

Personal Development Workshops introduce tools designed to help bypass, our often stubborn egos, and change our limiting beliefs.

Jesus Christ! Just let him move on.

pain, human emotions

Imagine being reminded, year on year, about how the actions and behaviour of your past, are still troubling the people around you in the present. Imagine being guilted in this way. Imagine being reminded of your past mistakes over and over again.

To some extent we do this to ourselves. Our minds, in an attempt to resolve unfinished business, often remind us of our errors in the past. How we mistreated people. How we said or did the wrong things. Sometimes, either by our own memories or by turn of events, we’re reminded of the things we did when young and foolish.

It could be said, the benefit to this is, we don’t make the same errors over and over. As a general rule though, because of our painful, guilty mistakes in the past, we’re simply unconsciously aware of how we must behave now. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.   

And so, do we really think that if Christ were alive today, he’d actually be failing to see – how the stuff he believed and taught over two thousand years ago – has lost much of its relevance in the 21st century? Many believe he was quite a smart guy.

This intelligence would certainly be enabling him to understand, the short life he lived all those years ago, was in fact his and our childhood. What he said and did then was as a result of his childish thinking. It’s very likely he’d be totally lost and confused, (if not angry) to see billions of humans still following the teachings he believed in, thousands of years ago, as a child.

Would you want people acting on things you said and did when a child? Do we not normally leave the beliefs we held in childhood behind? Do you still believe, that in the dead of night, Santa comes down your chimney to deliver gifts? Or that the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow?

“We must leave the beliefs of childhood behind, because if we don’t, we remain stuck in that fearful place. A place many, if not all religious people, still currently inhabit.”

The comfortable position, those who work within the religion industry have placed themselves in, is something they’d rather not have to change. It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, even if this isn’t necessarily, the best route.

With this in mind, when it comes to removing ourselves from the comfortable and often fantastical beliefs of childhood, this can prove to be a painful transition. It’s never pleasant when a child – who truly believes in Santa Claus – discovers the deception. A deception designed by adults to remove fear through creating mystery and fantasy.

Like these adults JC wanted people to be less afraid. How can we think he expects us to still need the fantastical beliefs he devised – to help rid us of our fear – two thousand years on? Beliefs devised when he and humanity were still in its infancy.

Two thousand years ago, many human beings, were barbaric. Fear and guilt were used in an attempt to limit this. Religious leaders must think we’re still barbaric and underdeveloped, and as such, need the control rods of superstition, fear and guilt. Are you a barbarian? They really do have a lot to answer for don’t they? They’re keeping billions, in a barbaric, dark past.

“How do they sleep at night knowing they continue to stilt human development through failing to move away from the beliefs of their childhood?”

Of course the reason they’re unable to move forward is their fear of the pain this would potentially create. The expression: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding” will never apply to those who refuse to acknowledge truth.

Emotional pain is something we must be taught to deal with when young. Responsible parents teach our children how to temper their emotions during the trauma of their childhood. It’s the parents, who’ve yet to do this for themselves, that struggle with this responsibility. If we have little sense of personal responsibility ourselves, how can we possibly be expected to teach this to our children? Are religious leaders acting responsibly?

“If the religious ‘Fathers’ want to parent us, and teach us right from wrong, they’d better smarten up their act.”

Smartening up their act would include packing their bags. It’s the job of parents – not priests or whatever – to teach children about the importance of empathy. It’s their job to teach children how to empathise. Once we’re able to do this, right and wrong is understood to have nothing to do with god and religion, and everything to do with creating better lives for ourselves. You give fear and guilt and that’s all you’ll get. Priests often fall off the rails. This comes as no surprise when they’re already riddled with fear and guilt.

“Give someone the gift of an lemon, for example, and you can easily imagine the experience of how it tastes. Do we really need to continue tasting the lessons of two thousand years ago?”

Let’s just allow JC to move on shall we? He’s had enough of his childhood. Back then he was a martyr who, according to legend, got himself nailed to a dogwood tree. Today we can easily imagine – if we put our minds to it – that he’d find an improved, powerful and beneficial way, to teach us all about love, and how to live better lives. Do you not think?

Perhaps he’d still end up nailed to a cross. If the religious leaders had it their way he would. In order to maintain their antiquated beliefs, religious leaders, need to remember their past mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Pack your bags guys, it really is time now, for you to move on.