Development in Spring

Spring Development

I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.  

It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.

During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.

To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.

The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.

Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.

This is where development comes into play

Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.

Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.

Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.

Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

Your Mind’s Mind

Mind

The Power of Mind

We don’t really know what the mind is capable of. When we read about the great thinkers of the past, and experience those of the present, we’re certainly given a taste of its potential aren’t we? To a great extent, it’s us and our thinking, that proves to be the most influential gain – or limitation – on our minds potential. It’s how we think that makes the difference.

A powerful imagination has to be one of the greatest assets to thinking. We are bound or freed by what we’re capable of imagining. It’s said that if we’re capable of imagining it, some day, we’ll be able to achieve it. This philosophy is the epitome of how our minds can be both jailers and liberators. It’s only once we’re prepared to open our minds, through properly understanding them, do we find true freedom.

It will always be wise to encourage our children to develop their imaginations

Of course it’s what we encourage them to imagine that’s key. For example, it’s clearly understood that we become our most repetitive thoughts; for our most repetitive thoughts, are our beliefs. What does the child who witnesses domestic violence spend most of his time thinking about? Does he become a lover or a fighter? Incidentally, this violence can come in many forms, it’s never just physical.

The athlete that trains hard

but has negative, repetitive thoughts about her potential, will not gain the necessary beliefs to back-up her fitness. A positive mental attitude is the method we must use to build these useful beliefs. It works the same way in whatever we’re looking to achieve. Remember, our minds are both jailers and liberators, it’s entirely up to us, how we choose the thoughts that determine this.

Our minds have the power to heal us and the power to kill us

The problem we’re faced with, is there’s a part of the mind, that knows no difference between the two. It’s said that it’s the disease that cures us. Take depression as example. What is depression actually doing? The immediate answer will of course be – nothing. In fact, to suggest depression is doing something for us, will often be met with total incredulity. I can clearly hear the “how dare you’s!” out there somewhere right now. The thing is though, once we see mind as equally our jailer or liberator, we open up choices. It’s us doing it. Depression, as far as the unconscious mind is concerned, is an attempt to cure.

When we feel down, the mind can be just as equally keeping us from something, getting us something, or showing us something

If our mind sees change as a threat to our survival, then it will of course, look for ways to stop this. How keen are we on instigating change when we feel depressed? Not very I would suggest. In fact, when depressed, we don’t feel like doing much at all do we? So the question we must now ask is: Where did we learn to fear change? What was it that changed when we were young that made us afraid? We must make ourselves aware that change as children is frightening. Now though, we are grown.

Habit equals safe. Change was unsettling

The part of our mind that looks to protect us from danger, is constantly battling to keep the status quo. We might have plans that involve change and yet we become blighted by depression. In this instance the child-mind is protecting us from what we fear: change. We must gain the resources, and build sufficient confidence, to help us accept we’re safe now we’re grown.

If depression were to be showing us something

It could well be, that the feelings associated with this illness, are the minds way of bringing unfinished business to our attention. Just as equally, becoming depressed perhaps changes things around us, and gives us a feeling of control over our external environment. What better way to keep people attentive – or distant for that matter – than through becoming depressed? Was being quiet and sulky a useful way to gain mothers love?

All in all, understanding our mind, is to lean it’s power toward it becoming our liberator, rather than jailer. What we do understand is, the proper development of our powerful imaginations, will always prove beneficial. It is possible to imagine a better future where repetitive thoughts become the beliefs that free us. Grow.

Have you considered how a Personal Development Workshop could help you grow? Find your application form here.

Erebus Memories

Erebus Memories

Ships and Explorers

Last night I attended a talk from the globe-trotting Monty Pythoner, Michael Palin. He’s currently doing the rounds promoting his new book Erebus (the story of a ship).

All very interesting and informative, especially if you’re interested, in the history of nautical exploration and sunken treasure. This post isn’t a review of Mr Palin’s book or talk, however, I would like it to act as a lead-in to the subject of exploration.

After last night’s history lesson, I’m in no doubt at all, about the bravery exhibited by the nautical explorers of past and present

Be it circumnavigating the world, climbing mountains or charting new territory, explorers are a certain breed. Individuals who are prepared to move out of their comfort zone, and into the unknown, set us all fabulous example. We could say they’re the epitome of the tenacious human spirit.

The vast majority of us don’t find our way into the history books

Most of us live out our lives occasionally making small triumphs – that may seem quite large to us – and we do our best to make a difference. In this sense we could say that from day-to-day, to a greater or lesser extent, we’re all explorers of life. Of course we are and sometimes we need to move into uncharted territory.

From a Personal Development perspective

The exploration, into uncharted territory, begins when we’re able to physically map out the links and connections, that make us who we are. The ability to see and understand, in plain sight, the processes involved in how our minds move from one belief to another, has proved to be an invaluable resource for early explorers. It enabled them to see how the mind restricts itself through its internal maps.

The  nautical explorers of the past, moved their ships beyond the edges, of the known

They moved beyond their maps and charts. For us to follow their example, means we’re able to break into new ground, and become greater then the sum of our parts. To become more than the sum of our beliefs. To be shown in clear and simple terms, how to move beyond the restrictions of our limiting beliefs, is unique.

Being the explorers that broke into new territory, came at great cost, to those of HMS Erebus. As can be seen though, due to the endeavours of those early explorers, we all benefit from their courage.

We’ve ‘come out of the dark’ as a result of their courage

The GOLD Counselling Methodology along with the Create Beautiful Partnerships philosophies are exclusive to The Freedman College and its associates. The first step, into your exploration and development, can be found here. Come out of the dark.

Standardisation

Standardisation

The only standardisation needed

We love our labels, categories and types don’t we? We believe we’re making things easier for ourselves by doing this. Are we not in some ways limiting ourselves though?

Seeking to fit people into type or category has an effect on our expectations. If for example, before meeting someone, you were told they had Autism, your expectations would seek out any ‘unusual’ characteristics they might display. You would label and categorise such a person in your mind. This would then influence and limit (depending on any fear or prejudices you might have) the outcome of any interaction with them.

The alternative, of remaining ignorant to any kind of label or type, means your experience – and therefore future outlook – of an Autistic person, would be entirely different.

It’s not unlike a person who’s been given an expectation relating to someone with a hearing impairment. The hearing impaired often face difficulties in how people interact with them. At times they feel insulted in how they’re spoken to. It’s the expectations and beliefs of others (the common misconception that deaf means stupid) that’s the driver here. This creates the vile outcome of being spoken to in a manner that’s suggestive of them having greater disability than they actually do. In fact, hearing difficulties tied to Autism, can mean quite the opposite.

*Hyper-vigilant or hyper-aware individuals can experience tinnitus and deafness that is in direct correlation to how stressed and aware they feel  

As an individual, who’s lived with hearing issues most of my life, I have actually experienced such a situation. To make matters worse I’ve often been abused and bullied by those who see disability as weakness. It’s fortunate I realise, those who seek out – what they believe to be a weakness – in order to feel powerful, are the kind of people I need not be bothered with.

It’s the standardisation that we all live with that creates these kind of prejudices

Be it racism, sexism or prejudice against the disabled, it’s the attempted standardisation of us all, that’s the cause. Sometimes children have a lot to teach us in regard to how they see through this. Children don’t see issues with disabilities race or gender, because they’ve yet to be infected with the beliefs and prejudices, of the adults around them. There is such a thing as a beautiful naivety.  

Indeed we are all different and so seeking to standardise people is a very limiting state of affairs. However, there is one thing I believe we must all be taught, as standard.

Self-love is a concept that needs to be a standardised understanding

When we’re able to truly love ourselves, because we’ve been taught how to do this from an early age, I believe much, if not most of our current mental health issues, would not arise in the first place.

Teaching a child how to love themselves, is a very easy process, provided the adults who care for them, understand it themselves

Self-love is the ability to put one’s own well being as a priority, but never at the expense of another. Personal responsibility must be fundamentally tied into our universal understanding of self-love. Another way to put this is through the concept of healthy-selfish.

Healthy-selfish is when we put ourselves first without guilt

Healthy-selfish is when we’re compassionate and loving toward our fellow man, only because it selfishly gives us pleasure, to do so. If we fail to gain pleasure, from being giving and loving to others, it’s because we’re mistaking self-centered, for selfish. Potentially we’ve yet to move on from self-centeredness if we expect others to fix our problems, love us, or take responsibility for us. Selfish and self-centered are two very different states. The latter belongs in childhood.

If we were to teach self-love – understanding it to be a prerequisite for a healthy mind – we’d have a far greater chance of removing all other types of standardisation. We’re on good solid foundations when we fully understand and possess self-love.

It’s important to realise, the aim of standardising this one thing, would be to raise human awareness. It’s teaching children adult prejudices and beliefs that reduces this.

*Proper rest is important for such an individual.

Stop Asking: “Am I Happy?” and Start Asking: “Am I Fulfilled?”

Fulfilment

So says the philosophy

It’s interesting isn’t it? Can we be happy and not fulfilled? I think the fairly obvious answer is yes. We can of course be happy in our everyday activities. In fact, if we follow certain philosophies, we can be happy every moment of everyday, simply by being in the now moment. Doing everything mindfully, be it washing up to playing with the kids, if we do these things with our full attention, we can be happy. So says the philosophy.

What concerns me though, is how following this philosophy – and only asking if we’re presently happy – we might actually be missing something fundamental: Our deeper purpose.

From a personal perspective I’m the sort of person who can be very happy with routine. Breaking routine is something I often find difficult. It’s the predictability of routine that creates a kind of safety net. I’m not on my own with this. And so for myself and most others, it is important we open things up, by asking that second question in my title: ‘Am I fulfilled?’

“By asking this question we’re creating a void”

As you might know, the mind abhors a vacuum, and will always seek to fill it. We can use this principle in a constructive way when we understand it. As with asking the secondary question [Am I fulfilled?] we can also use it to help with the more mundane. Consider when we can’t remember someone’s name, or some other detail, and as soon as we consciously lose the search in our memories, our unconscious provides the answer. A name, or whatever it might be we’re searching for (keys, purse or wallet,) the answer just pops into our awareness. Magic.

So, even though we can be happy in the present moment now, be cautious with this, and always ask the secondary question: Am I fulfilled?

Happiness is a belief

Our beliefs in happiness will always be subjective. We believe we’re happy, but are we? In this moment now we are, and compared to someone who’s currently experiencing difficulties, we might also be. However, what about the happiness experienced by people who’re fulfilled?

Fulfilment

It could be that in order to feel fulfilled you’d need a family around you. You might not currently have this and as such seek it. Perhaps fulfilment for you would be finally reaching that metaphorical mountain top. Without seeking this fulfilment – be it in your career or some other goal – we might just wander aimlessly not really experiencing the full range of our emotions and potential experiences. If we’re not cautious, we can become trapped in moving from one moment to the next (believing we’re happy,) without actually achieving the greatness, we’re capable of.

We all have a valuable and useful legacy to leave behind. Ask your question now and consider how a Personal Development Workshop can help you find fulfilment.    

A Lesson In Maturity and Emotional Detachment

Maturity and Emotional Detachment

Just recently something very interesting came to my attention. It was all about my inability to recognise something in human behaviour through been hoodwinked by beliefs.

Imagine a sixteen year old who weighs eighteen stone and is six foot two tall. He looks like a man. Most of the time he acts like a man. He believes he is a man, and because of this, most, if not all of the adults around him, treat him as such. It wasn’t until I reacted to his disrespectful behaviour, and made the following statement, did things really kick off. I said:

“It confuses me how a child of sixteen can be so disrespectful to a man of my age.” BOOM!

To cut a long story short I pushed hard on a hot spot. I touched a nerve. The events that followed are what enlightened me to his true age and level of maturity*. Due to an appreciation of his true age and maturity my attitude to this child has now changed. I’ve removed my ignorance of his belief and treat him accordingly: With the respect and understanding deserved of a child. He must find this confusing.

More than anything, what came to light, was the emotional immaturity of self-preservation through self-centeredness. The self-centeredness of a child. The ability we all have to protect oneself through not caring about anything except the self. 

Immature Self-centeredness Gone Mad

Let’s take the catholic faith and its believers. We all know what’s come to light over recent years: The sexual abuse of children by priests and nuns. What surprises me, is how those who follow this faith, can still continue to do so. They know their faith attracts abusive, dysfunctional people, yet continue to believe. They’re inadvertently protecting abusers. Whilst the lives of countless people have been destroyed through the activities of those who represent the church, this institution, is allowed to carry on.

“On a level we’re beginning to accept, we know religion is stunting the development of mankind, yet allowing it to continue. We must ask why?”

In answer to that question, we could say this is down to the rights, of the individual. It’s our right to follow and believe what we choose. Even if these institutions are corrupt, immoral or just downright ridiculous in what they teach, it’s our right to follow them. It’s the individual’s right. So how do such people continue to believe? The answer must be through their need for self-preservation. Their beliefs are solely focused on the self, regardless of whether these beliefs are abusive to the rest of us, or not.

“The whole of religion is abusive when we think of it”

Abusive, because the continuance of antiquated beliefs, stunt the development of us all. It’s not dissimilar to keeping a child locked in a cage, never having the truth of father Christmas or the tooth fairy, revealed to them. All their lives the religious continue to believe the nonsense spouted by the delusional and abusive. Remember, through keeping us stunted within its antiquated belief systems, religion abuses us all. Religion assumes its beliefs are useful and correct for all. They are not. They are only correct and useful to those who believe them.

We’re being hoodwinked and we’re treating them in a way that assumes their beliefs are correct for everyone. It’s not dissimilar to treating a boy as if he were a man. In this respect are we not abusing them? It could be said that by keeping them stuck – through not outlawing the whole shebang – we’re actually abusing them! I say set them free and stop ALL the abuse. Should we not help the delusional rather than condone their beliefs? But then again, some delusional beliefs have their value, do they not? Perhaps only to those holding them though.

“It follows that all outdated beliefs that are no longer useful and productive keep us stunted”

We should, and potentially will in the coming years, use the example of religious beliefs to help explain their debilitating nature. When we hang on to antiquated beliefs, or have people placed in positions of authority do it for us, we will always be leading lives that are influenced by them.

“Beliefs that are placed through ignorance, romantic notion, fear, lies and sentimentality will always be unstable”

My understanding, that a certain individual respected me enough to protect our relationship, was shattered through the removal of my ignorance. The consequence of my enlightenment, to being hoodwinked by the beliefs of another, is now acting as protection. I’m fully able to detach myself emotionally from children who, through their immaturity, have no care whatsoever for the wellbeing of others outside their family unit.

Those who are able to empathise and respect us, do this, through having moved beyond childish self-centeredness. It will be necessary for you to seek these people out if you want them in your life. Many never move beyond the level of self-centeredness experienced by the mind of a sixteen year old. 

So to sum up, here is the lesson. If you want to get ahead in life, and not get dragged down through the immature illusions – and delusional beliefs – of others, remove your ignorance. Once you do this, emotional detachment is a breeze. Simple.  

If you’d like to know more about how to remove limiting beliefs, and then creatively install useful ones, you can find your application form here

General enquiries to info@freedmancollege.org

*It is actually a form of abuse to treat a child, as you would an adult, but that’s certainly the subject for another post.

The Power of Personal Development

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is Power

Like it or not if we want more personal power we’re going to need the know-how. The knowledge of how others surreptitiously take our power, and how we might be unknowingly giving it away, will prove invaluable. We can either gain this knowledge through the school of hard knocks, or we can learn avoidance techniques. It’s a simple choice. And it’s those who realise the benefits to learning additional life-skills that are awarded personal power.

Relationships are Important

It’s a rare thing to enter adulthood with the kind of emotional maturity that awards us good relationships. It’s true to say, the better equipped we are at displaying emotional maturity, the more likely we’ll find that person of our dreams. The individual who’s respectful of our needs, and at the same time mature enough to put their needs in the proper place, finds beauty in their relationships. We’re able to be one of the fortunate when we have the correct information to hand.

Awareness is Paramount

Increasing self-awareness comes as a by-product of knowing others better. Once we understand the reflective nature of people’s character, we’re awarded an unprecedented ability, to see ourselves objectively. It’s only once we can do this, that we’re able to raise our self-awareness and our game. Self-awareness empowers us to take full control of ourselves and our lives. Take for example, the person who’s in a constant state of confusion over their mood swings. They report feelings of being out of control; as if they’re on a “constantly moving emotional seesaw.” We ask about diet, walk them through a typical day, only to discover their bad habit. We then point out, how gobbling five hundred calorie sugar hits, four or five times a day, is likely effecting their brain, thus raising their self-awareness. Knowledge is power.

Knowing What to Believe

Knowing what we believe gives us the ability to question and change those beliefs that limit us. For example, the person who grows up believing big (overweight) gives them the power to intimidate people, and get their needs met through this intimidation, is limited through simple belief. We help such an individual, who might be five stones overweight, through helping them recognise how they’re carrying five stones of fear. Fear shortens lives, either through being afraid ourselves, or believing we need others to be this way, so we may get our needs met. Never be afraid to question beliefs.

Time is of The Essence

The sooner we’re in a position of power, over ourselves, choices and ultimately our lives, the sooner we get started on truly living. We can do away with much of the drama of life, through being informed, and in emotional control. Learning how we create our own difficulties, through bad relationships and limiting beliefs, is at the core of making the most of our precious time. Never waste time thinking ‘things will just work themselves out in the end.’ By the time that arrives, it will of course, be too late.

You can find your application form here.

The Curious Nature of Money

The Curious Nature of Money

“Looking closely at money does seem to open up more questions than answers”

Even so, questions are important, and discussing money, so we can lose some of the potential stress and misunderstandings surrounding it, will be of great value (excuse the pun).

Often when seeking to understand money, we’re given advice and guidance that relates directly to its management: how best to save, invest, earn etc. All well and good, however, there is something of fundamental importance, that’s often overlooked: The Psychology.

The Curious Nature of Money

Time and money bear a close correlation. For example, we want that new car, bike or pair of shoes, but don’t currently have the cash available. So rather than waiting, until we’ve saved enough, we borrow. Buy now pay later. You might think fair enough. If we’re prepared to pay the interest on the loan, we’re able to enjoy the goods now, rather than later. But what is the psychology behind this thinking.

“What is buy now pay later really all about. Is this a lack of patience? Is it just a social thing? Or is it that our wants are greater than our needs?”

I’m able to compare my own experience of being young and broke with someone who is currently just starting out in life. When I was sixteen I didn’t have the cash to buy the moped I desperately needed, so, with my father acting as guarantor, I borrowed. It turned out to be a mistake – I borrowed more than I could afford – and my father had been foolish to allow it. He’d been unable to advise me otherwise. In comparison, I’m aware of a young man who, even though his earning capacity is restricted, has successfully managed to save enough money to buy his first moped. He’s also now saving for his next bike; a bigger one. He has no debt. To be able to put the words young and patient together, in the same sentence, is a very rare thing.

“We can know this is down to several potential factors”

Firstly he hasn’t been able to borrow money (no guarantor) or secondly he’s been cleverly advised out of it. The chances are, his beliefs – formed from advice and experience – have created a positive time/money correlation. In other words, he’s learned patience in its respect.

Home Ownership

Of course saving for a moped is one thing, yet buying a house for example, would be an entirely different matter. With the property market as it is, it would be nigh on impossible for the average person to ever save enough to buy one outright. He or she would be so old, by the time they’d saved enough, that they’d never have the chance to enjoy it. Plus we have the problem of house prices always increasing way above the rate of pay increases. And isn’t that a curious thing? The gap between the rich and the poor ever increasing do you think?

“Anyway Let’s Not Get Distracted!”

That last paragraph does all hinge on our beliefs relating to home ownership. Provided we’re able to find a decent landlord we can be quite happy renting. If you’ve no concerns over leaving inheritance to family members (or cat charities,) then owning your own home, is in fact a bit of a nonsense. We can all be sold on the idea of having no mortgage in retirement, but that can be offset, with the belief that retirement is a complete nonsense too. Retire from what? There are many ways we can stay as wage earners in old age. Society actually requires input from the older generation. This is in much the same way children (mostly) benefit from knowing grandparents.

The Curious Nature of Money

We could go on and on with the debate over money, yet there is one simple answer to removing much of the stress surrounding it. I touched on this earlier. It’s that thing of our wants being greater than our needs. Once we can reach a point in our lives where our wants match our needs we’ll be in a favourable position. The sooner the better. This is the time/money correlation in its essence.

“Doing this involves some cleverness”

If, at the age of sixteen, I’d been a little more canny and wise to the world, I could have avoided much of the stress and difficulties I’ve experienced ever since. If someone had said to me:

“Look kiddo, here’s the thing, you’re being fucked over by your own wants and your wanting is being driven by your beliefs on happiness.”

“Right now you believe the only root to your happiness is that moped, right? Okay, so what would need to happen for you to find this freedom and happiness without it?”

That last question would certainly be a mind-bomb for the average sixteen year old. It would probably be the case, that suggestions from someone I believed in and respected, would’ve been necessary. Perhaps, if such a person had introduced me to an inexpensive hobby, things would have worked out differently. Perhaps, if it’d been explained – in clear and simple terms – that happiness and freedom must begin in the mind, and never outside of it, things would have been very different.

The Curious Nature of Money

All in all, there’s no getting away from the facts of life: We will always need sufficient money to cater for our basic needs and independence. Without that we’ve no chance of happiness, and to add to our misery, illness is potentially around every corner.

“So to close”

Hopefully this has opened up your mind a little to the subject in hand. I would question the belief that money buys happiness. Without our basic needs being met, we’ll be unhappy, that’s a given. However, our attitude of mind, mentality and belief system, has great bearing on the amount of stress and unhappiness we might experience around the subject. It’s really worth pondering on the time/money correlation. Surly it’s the case, the wiser we are and the sooner we find this wisdom, the happier we will be from the offset?

You can find out more on beliefs through workshop attendance and by typing in the search word ‘beliefs’ into the appropriate box. Your application form can be found here.

 

Personal Development Courses

So many people dream of having different lives. We know what we want, yet seem limited by forces unknown. Feeling these unknown forces (perhaps in the form of frustration, anger or despair) simply means we’ve reached the limits of our resources.

“The most valuable life skill of all is that of thinking. It is the way in which we think, that decides the kind of life, we experience”

The ability to change our internal environment (how we think), about any given situation, awards us the ability to change our external experience. Let’s use the example of a business facing staff relationship difficulties.

Relationship difficulties within companies are often the result of poor management. The relationships between staff members often needs to be managed. If the managers themselves lack sufficient resources, in terms of how they relate to people, this will be reflected through the business as a whole.

Now, the manager in our example is a woman who believes men are idiots. The reasons for this are in some ways complicated, yet in others, very simple. The complication is why she believes this, and yet, the easy solution lies in how. In other words, all our manager needs to ask herself is: how am I creating this problem with my staff? At this moment in time there’s no need for us to complicate things by looking to understand the psychology of why. From time to time we all face self-imposed difficulties. The quick solution is all we need right now. This is found by asking: How? The how is simple.

This is How

“The manager in our example only shares the minimum of information with her staff”

Communication is the main issue. When teaching her staff she omits lots of detail. Because of this they make lot’s of mistakes. Once the mistakes are made, she’s then able to firmly place the blame on others and announce to herself: this is happening because all men are idiots. The manager is simply fulfilling a belief – that becomes fact – through her inability to objectively see what she’s doing.

A Simple Thinking Tool

The simple thinking tool of asking ourselves: how am I creating this problem? is powerful in several ways. Firstly, when we see the faulty generalisation of our beliefs, and how we’re fulfilling them, we’re then able to change. Secondly, and potentially the most difficult element to this, is we’re able to take ownership of the problem. It is us that creates our own difficulties. Even though this is the case, if we’ve reached the limit of our resources, change is impossible. Our manager is unable to change until she’s able to see her behaviour objectively. This is where development courses come into play.

Once the manager in our example is made aware of the error in her thinking – so she may improve her communication skills – her business will begin to thrive. Her staff will be happier, feeling increasingly competent in their duties, and she will begin to feel less stress and confusion.

Our Personal Development Weekend Courses are beliefs and relationships focused for very good reason. The valuable life-skills-resource of improved thinking turns dreams into reality. In addition to this, improving how we think, removes the negative emotions that keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns.

To book your place on one of our courses complete the form here.

Who or What is God?

Who or What is God?

We can never know the answer to that question

The thing about God is we can neither prove nor disprove His existence. You might think this convenient for those who believe in Him. Perhaps you’d be right with that. For those who do believe in God The Creator, all they need do, is look around and see proof of His existence, everywhere. The belief is sufficient for them to totally negate the realities of evolutionary processes.

And then we have the dilemma of who started that process. Who’s to say it wasn’t God, who planted that first seed, triggering what resulted from a few amino acids, some billions of years ago. To some it’s simply a game of numbers: enough suns with exoplanets, mixed with a lot of heat, chemicals etc., and eventually you’ll get life. But who’s to say it wasn’t a being of higher consciousness, that created the gases and chemicals, that made all the suns to begin with. We could go on forever with that argument, couldn’t we?

The Believers

At the end of the day beliefs are all it comes down to. Beliefs will always be blind to evidence for or against. Think of the web of beliefs, relating to God or Gods, that have been created by man. Over thousands of years they’ve been constructed as a means of explaining the unexplainable: who we are, why we’re here and so on.

“Beliefs are a means of explaining but also a means of shifting responsibility. A means of empowering some, and at the same time, disempowering others”

Think of those who believe that God is in some way responsible for their suffering. They say: “I’m suffering and this is God’s will.” In other words they’re saying: “I have no choice.” To believe that a higher force has control over what happens to us during our lives, is defeatist for some, and empowering for others. Those who are in control of the rules, the religious leaders, live off the back of these kinds of beliefs. It’s useful, for these particular human beings, for their subjects to feel they have no choice; that it’s God’s will no matter what’s happening to them.

On the positives of beliefs in God

Think of those who believe they are in some way chosen; that their good fortune can be attributed to the grace of God. Such people have been hated all through history. To make such a claim no doubt causes the claimant to stick out somewhat. A bit like the proverbial sore thumb hit with a hammer wouldn’t you say? They feel they’re looked on favourably by God. The advantage to this is, if you actually believe it, then you will be. Your mind has reason to believe that you will have a blessed and fortunate life. It is God’s will that you should prosper. Perhaps we should all have some of that!

Just yesterday I became engaged in conversation with a fellow blogger. Obviously a very intelligent young man who, even after some well placed argument, still insisted that God is responsible for suffering. I told him how I understood suffering to be a choice. How suffering has been devised by man for the control of other men.

For example, if we lock a man in a cell, and because isolation is against the instincts of man, he will suffer. However, if he trains his mind sufficiently, he can actually adjust to his isolation. He can begin to accept and potentially even enjoy it. But until this is the case, he’s at the mercy of his captors; totally under their control. Ask yourself this: Is a homeless man, who has adjusted to life on the streets, free or as trapped as we are? The average man has many, many chains, to bind him.

It is always a choice as to whether we suffer or not.

To my fellow blogger I also mentioned the flip side of all this. How those who suffer are teaching guilt. How they’re telling the rest of us: “I am suffering, so you must help me.” Their suffering is buying them something. It’s getting them a level of control over the people who surround them. Much in the same way a child will gain attention from its carers when in pain.

The child will learn that pain gets attention. Occasionally such a child will grow to adopt the “I’m suffering” angle as an adult. They do this in order to gain the illusion of power over others. To gain power over a system. It is of course a nonsense and an illusion; a fragile one at that. What the sufferer doesn’t realise is, their choice to behave in such a way, is to behave as a child all their life; so very wasteful wouldn’t you say? To waste a life. To then claim, their suffering is God’s will, is just another means of not taking personal responsibility. “It’s not my fault” they say.

I told my fellow blogger the tale of man I once new whose wife had died unexpectedly young. All this widowed man did was mope and moan. He suffered for years in his grief. I told him about choice and he shouted: “Oh, so I chose for my wife to die?!” I said: ‘No but you are choosing to maintain your suffering.’ He didn’t thank me, that’s for sure, and yet probably changed at a later date.

A Childish Concept

When we take a step back and consider the kind of things said, relating to God, we can see them as a construct from the childish human mind. The idea of prayer. An afterlife (there is one of sorts, think of the lifespan of an atom, it’s a very, very long time). Virgin births without medical explanation; that our destiny is out of our hands. Remember, many of these beliefs only suit those in power. Religions keep us in our place. Religions keep us powerless and subservient to the antiquated beliefs, that are serving to maintain the easy lives, of the powerful. Royalty and religious leaders live of the back of our continued ignorance.

“All in all, to think we can have any idea – of the what and who of God – is an absurdity”

Staying with childish thoughts for a moment. If there was a higher being, able to create the universe and everything within it, how could we, with our level of consciousness, ever possibly understand this. With our minds, as they currently are, we can only just touch on the realities of what surrounds us. We are simply not conscious enough to properly conceive of a consciousness that could create all that we see. At the present time we can only guess, with our childish notions, of what this is really all about.

One thing we can conceive of is time. We have a small sense of its passing. The universe is old, very old, and it’s true to say, a lot can be achieved if you have enough time. Perhaps that’s all we’re really dealing with. After all, there are very good odds of extraordinary things happening, when given enough time. Time is all we have. Be the master of your own destiny. Contact Us.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

Want to learn more? Contact Us     

A Ruthless Determination

Ruthless Determination

“A ruthless determination is all well and good, yet without the proper resources, all we’re left with, is ruthless self-destruction”

Frustration and confusion can often be the end result of our strength and determination when this is in conflict. For example, we may have a strong determination to succeed and change our situation, but no matter our efforts, all we succeed at, is failure. Believe it or not, there can exist a part of the mind, that has a ruthless determination to fail. Imagine a mind with unequal determination, between success and failure, that has become tipped toward the latter.

A conflict of this nature can be down to something as a simple learning we experience when young. It could have been a very important event, let’s say a sports event, that we failed at aged five. So important was this event, in the mind of the five year old, that failure was soul destroying. The reaction from parents, teachers and siblings only compounded this failure. Such an individual, may go on to show great promise, but always end up falling at the starting line. The same nervousness, experienced aged five, can still be felt aged forty five!

“The feeling of nervousness associated with events when young can stay with us all our lives”

Now imagine the same sports event but with a completely different outcome. Instead of humiliation, disappointment and guilt, there was the exhilaration of running over the finish line coming first. It’s these kind of experiences that make the difference between winning and losing. They often become a continuing theme throughout the whole of our lives. We come to believe we’re winners or losers respectively.

“Even when winning, if we’re filtering our successes through the belief we always fail, we’ll not be recognising our greatness”

The good news is, through the unique nature of workshops run by The Freedman College, we’re able to question the relevance of such experiences now we’re grown. We’re also able to question the appropriateness of the reactions from the adults around us at that time. As such, not only are we able to remove the limiting beliefs borne from our negative experiences, we become better parents too.

The resources are now here and we’re ready to share them with you. Contact Us.   

Don’t Sweat it, The Solution is Here

“Even though it might sound scary to hear: “you are not aware of the reason why you’re unable to get what you want,” it is easily resolved”

Of course, if you were aware of the reason, you’d easily fix it wouldn’t you? That’s where the ‘easy’ bit comes into play: awareness. When we know exactly what the problem is, we’re empowered to repair it.

Let’s say you had toothache. You might take some strong painkillers to begin with but eventually, as the pain persisted, you’d seek out the services of a dentist. This does beg the question of why so many of us put up with the emotional pain and frustration of not being able to find fulfilment or peace. Do we think there’s no one or ‘no thing’ to turn to? Or is it because the issue is with our minds we feel there’s no choice. At the end of the day, it could be said, all problems originate from within the mind. We feel the pain in a tooth but it’s our brain creating the sensation.

The motivation to be free of pain, or to move forward and seek more from life, are equally as important. We move forward when we understanding what’s holding us back in the first place. The motivation to be free of physical pain is obvious. We want relief. When it comes to the motivation for more this is often driven by fear or the need to please. The reward of praise and of course money are also important. The alternative to this, is to have a ‘purer’ motivation; that of love. When this is the case things get much easier and stable. When we love ourself sufficiently toothache is unlikely in the first place. When we simply love what we do this is motivation aplenty. 

“It could be that you don’t have anything you love and feel passionate about”

Relax, because all this means is, you’ve yet to find it. In order to find that ‘thing’ our minds must be in the right place. Clearing away much of the clutter is the solution to that particular problem. The clutter is the programming and conditioning of our beliefs.

It’s been made very clear in the previous post how the nature of our beliefs create circumstances where we fail to filter out our conditioning. In other words, living in a particular way is unrecognised as conditioning and state of mind. When we adopt a particular lifestyle, not pushing our boundaries sufficiently, this is through the expectations and conditioning dictated by others. The way we live is considered the norm by the people around us. It just becomes the accepted norm and we have no clue, idea or inclination, to move beyond a certain point.

We don’t even know why we feel frustrated because we can’t ‘see’ the conditioning; we have no filter. No awareness. Bring in the belief (and actually believe it yourself) “love is work made visible” for example, and things begin to change.

“It’s the filtering system we must look at”

The challenge, of explaining how belief and/or lack of it, can just as easily disable, as enable us, is not to be underestimated. For example – and to meet this challenge – if you believed it the norm to spend most of your time around other human beings, yet felt at your most productive and happiest when alone, there’s obviously going to be conflict. If we now creatively question this, and then bring in the belief “there is no norm,” we reduce the conflict. We’ve questioned a limiting belief and introduced a more useful one. We’ve altered the filters.

Let’s look at another one. The statement: “a motorcycle needs to be noisy in order to be safe” (other road users can hear you) is not a fact but bullshit. This particular nonsense is pedalled by those who think a noisy bike is an expression, of one kind or another, but in reality, has very little to do with road safety. I for one get annoyed with people who feel it okay to infect the air with their racket. The louder the bike the more frightened everyone else should be kind of thing.

“It might be the case that a pedestrian can hear a noisy bike coming but it’s a pedestrians responsibility to also open his eyes”

A strong wind and a fast bike can diminish and push away a lot of sound from a pedestrian’s ears, as such, how loud a fast bike is – on a windy day – becomes irrelevant. And now with the advent of electric cars and bikes, more kids are going to need the importance of looking up, drummed into them.

Anyway, the belief: Bikes need to be noisy to be safe, is a convenience for cretins on loud machines. Many beliefs are simply there for the convenience of those who hold them. The example given above makes it clear how a belief, misguided, convenient or whatever, is a filter that keeps the holder stuck. I doubt we’ll get to see a Hell’s Angel – with his silly patch sewn onto his sleeve, machete or shotgun over his shoulder – riding on the back of an electric motorcycle any day soon. Who knows though, perhaps they’ll prove me wrong. Brum, brum, or is it Swisssssh . . . Love it!

The Filters to Absurdity

“I wonder if you remember mixing paint together in art classes at school?”

A big brush held in a small hand creating new colours through mixing the primary colours in light. Mix yellow and red and you’d magically get orange. Blue and yellow to get green; blue and red to find the beautiful colour violet. Who said magic doesn’t belong on planet Earth?

For many it’s a fascinating experiment when first observed. And it’s not until we understand the nature of light, how it’s made up of all the different colours of the spectrum, do we get a clearer sense of the outcome when we mix things up a little

When we look closer at the properties of light, and why everyday objects reflect the colours they do, grass is green, the sky is blue etc., we get a clearer understanding of how our beliefs also act as the filters to our world.

Why is the grass green? Well, put simply, the reason grass is green is because the molecules within it, absorb light in a different way, to let’s say, red chillies. The molecules within grass reflect the green wavelength of light from the sun and absorb the rest; likewise with chillies. The chilli reflects red but absorbs all other colours.

“So, moving this forward, and using it as an analogy of the nature of mind-beliefs, we get a sense of their filtering or reflective nature”

Just as with the reflective nature, of everyday objects to light, if you believe you can’t do something, or have no belief in your ability, this is how the mind will negate or ignore your potential respectively.

Our beliefs are similar to the way colours are absorbed (a red chilli is red because it absorbs all other colours except red). Without undue resistance, we simply do the very things, we believe in. In fact, so immediate is the effect, we don’t even notice.

For example, if you believed the belief I’m a good communicator (perhaps translates as: I’m a good talker), you’d simply do it without needing to give it much conscious thought at all. The opposite of this is also true. If you believed the belief: I’m a poor communicator, you’d stumble, mumble, cough and struggle through the whole process, or potentially, you’d never say anything. On this point, is it just me, or are many of our young becoming increasingly poor communicators? Anyway, back on track and:    

“Getting down and dirty for a moment”

Let’s take the example of this belief: Love is control. Now, as absurd as it might seem, it’s perfectly possible (for a while at least) that this belief would award its holder the ability to control the person they’re supposedly in love with. What happens though, when the varying means used for control, inevitably fail?

Perhaps the frustration of such failure would drive them into getting hold of a gun and shooting the individual they were unsuccessfully trying to control? In the mind of such an individual, they may even now, through their insanity, still believe love equals ownership and control. How many murderers (insanely) still think they have the upper hand? Is taking someone’s life perhaps the ultimate in control? Interesting, is it not, how an absurd belief can still potentially be maintained even after its failure. How many perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they’re in love? WTF?

Let’s go further and give a positive, much simpler example, of the filtering nature of beliefs. Consider the belief in luck. As a consequence of filtering life through the belief: I am lucky, you certainly will be!

Every occurrence of good fortune will be attributed to your lucky nature; and good luck to you! In addition to this, the belief you’re lucky, will, in effect bring you more good luck, simply because you’re filtering out bad luck.

“It’s not necessarily the case that you do experience more luck than average, however, seeing life through rose coloured spectacles, as it were, means your life will seem to you, and perhaps even others, more fortunate and happier than average”

One sure way to get above the average, and increase the amount of luck and happiness you experience in life, is to begin wondering how you might filter your thoughts in a more positive way. Removing the beliefs that negatively influence you will be just the start.

If there are presently negative, controlling influences in your life, questioning your beliefs will undoubtedly help you understand why. There will be a reason. Indeed we could all ask: Why are we putting up with the negatives from the people around us? Believing in the importance of living life on our terms, as free individuals – in complete control of our futures – is a filter (belief) to nurture and propagate.

Remember now, how red and blue created the new and beautiful colour, of violet? This understanding helps to clarify how believing the beliefs: love and freedom – mixed together – equal happiness. Ponder on this, it will  help you find its reality.

Personal Development from The Freedman College will help you discover more about this fascinating subject. Contact Us, you never know your luck, or do you?

Educate

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Educate

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own expectations”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  

  

A Beautiful Belief

The question: What is a beautiful belief? Was posed earlier. After a ride out in the sunshine, followed by a shower and then lunch, here is the answer:

For example, let’s say you believed: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others.

Having stated this, how you offer peace of mind, would need to be in congruence with this. To explain, if you did hold the above belief relating to peace, and yet thought this was achieved through giving people your time or money, with no expectation of any return, you may be in for a rough ride.

For a belief to be beautiful it must work in tandem with the grand scheme of things. In other words, any exchange of energy (money and time in this example) must be reciprocated (in some way) or eventually it becomes depleted. You’ll simply run out of energy. This, based on our current understandings of the universe and its laws, is within the grand scheme.

“It could be you enjoy giving your time and money and the reward for you is simply the pleasure this brings”

Again, there is a slight problem here. Any respect, the recipient of your free time and money had for you, will eventually be lost. They may even come to despise you for it. This is all to do with exchange of power.

Those who simply give, without expectation of return, from any quarter, are in to either alleviate guilt, or gain power borne from superiority. People come to understand this and eventually hate us for it. And so, even though our intention isn’t, ‘give to get,’ it must be seen that once people are on their feet – so to speak – the money and time we’ve given away, must be paid forward.

Paying forward is comparable to the movement of waves; their energy keeps flowing on and on. Expecting direct, immediate return from energy given away, is a self-centered brick wall.

“Paying things forward is part of the beautiful belief: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others”

When giving of our time and money, we must also instil the belief of why, we’re doing it. We don’t expect return directly, yet we do expect it to be paid forward. In this way we can know – in time – we’ll be rewarded and our energy returned in some manner. This is the belief in there being a law – of natural balance within all things – (described as Dharma in some religions), and when adhered to, this creates peace of mind.

Contact Us if you would like to know more about Creating Beautiful Beliefs.

A Beautiful Li(F)e

“Gaining a beautiful life has nothing to do with status, equality, or justice”

A beautiful life is gained when we’re raised by adults who empower us through their love. Their empowering love manifests itself through a burning desire to teach us how to be fully grown. Being educated and informed, as to the ways of the world, and entering adulthood with our eyes open, means we’re properly equipped, to see through the lies.

Inequality is the result of beliefs held by the individual and the level of their dependence created through ignorance. The uneducated, ignorant individual, can do nothing about inequality. The educated man will see it for what it truly is: The belief in have or have not. The main thing the educated man truly wants and needs – to live a beautiful life – is a family and an empowering love, driving him, to raise our children to be fully grown adults. A beautiful cycle.

“Justice and injustice are a fallacy”

There is no such thing as justice. Where there is no justice there is no injustice. We have peace of mind, and resolution to the wrongs inflicted upon us, when we fully understand the need for painful lessons in life. Seeking justice, instead of understanding, keeps us as children wanting an immature vengeance. We’re taught: In order to ease our pain, we must cause more.

“The response to pain, from an adult love, is the search for understanding”

The parents of a brain dead child, fighting to keep him artificially alive, do this due to their inability to see the rights of the child as being greater than their own. When we, as a species, see the rights of the child, as always being greater than ours (by default), we will evolve into the loving beings we’re (possibly) destined to become.

“If we’re going to award a child the right to life, we must also be prepared to offer this same child, the right to die. The fact we need a court of law, to decide this for us, is absurd”

Parents, who have no model or concept of what it means to be fully grown, are constantly fighting a battle with themselves. They are quite literally fighting for control over their emotions and powerful will of their inner child. They cannot stand to let go of a child they believe to be their property. The child does not belong to them it belongs to itself. We can empathise with their suffering, yet how can we possibly display sympathy, for parents who are prepared to put their needs (to be free of suffering) before the rights of the child? The paradox, is now the courts have instructed them to allow the child to die in peace, their suffering will end.

“The worlds beliefs in money, equality and justice, will change, once we’re free from the suppression of ignorance”

True freedom is the ability to question the beliefs and expectations of others. Amongst many other things, the mature parent, is able to teach the child power of choice. They ask: “If you choose this option what will the possible outcomes be? Are those outcomes something you want?”

Contact Us if you need to know more about freeing yourself from limiting beliefs.    

Listen and I Hear You

“What qualities do we need in order to really listen?”

What is it that makes a good listener? Is it the case, that it’s only those who actually want to be heard, that are? Is it not so much about people listening, but more about our ability, to command the ear?

We’ve all had times when we’ve been talking and known we’re not being heard. I can tell you from experience, being heard, for what we’re really saying, is an absolute rarity. It’s those who’re able to hear the underlying, unconscious messages in our language, who’re the true listeners.

“Perhaps what needs to happen, is the words being spoken, must be considered by the listener to have value”

If we don’t rate the person speaking, as having anything of value to add to our lives, will we ever listen? Do we value ourselves enough to listen? Sometimes, when our self-esteem is low, we feel threatened by those who have something valuable to say. On these occasions we simply block out what’s being said.

It is of course important we have good rapport with those we want to get a message to. Talking about those things that are of a common interest, to both talker and listener, is one of those key ingredients for good conversation. In fact, not saying much at all, and simply allowing others to talk about what interests them, can be sufficient.

Pacing and leading is the method we must use to get our own message across. We listen intently and match the speed, cadence and tonality (even accent) of the other voices. We then look to gently lead the conversation onto topics that relate to our message and our interests.

One very useful consideration at this point, is to be aware of how the filtering systems of our beliefs, effect the listener and what they actually hear. Perhaps you can relate to how sometimes you’ve said something and the listener has completely misconstrued what you’ve said. This is the filtering mechanism of the mind and its beliefs at work.

“If we have poor understanding of what’s being said, we may compensate for this, by responding through the filters of what we do understand or believe”

This goes some way to explaining why, a lot of the time, it’s pretty much a waste of time looking to change someones mind about an issue they resolutely believe in. Unless we begin, by explaining the value in questioning what they believe, we’ll have little chance of changing it.

Finally, listening is also about attention. Gaining a persons attention, so as we may pull them of the track of their own thoughts, if only for a moment, is key. Many people spend a great deal of time lost in their own thoughts. So lost in this way are some, that speaking their name, or even gently touching their arm, will be necessary to gain their attention. Gentleness is also often overlooked.

“It’s worth bearing in mind, if you want to be heard, you must be prepared to listen. If you’re not really listening, how can you expect others, to give you their attention?”

We’re all shouting at each other really, and often it’s those who speak in mild, gentle tones, who speak the loudest. The key, is gaining the listeners attention, in the first place. What needs to happen for someone to gain your full attention? What is your passion? What is really being said here? What are people really seeking when talking to you? Do you value yourself enough to give them your time and full attention?

Are you able to see and feel what someone is saying? Now you’ve cracked it. Rare is it not? Be cautious though, it’s very tiring.