The Time Machine of Opportunity

Time Travel Memories

 

The ladders clattered as he plonked them down on the roof rack. He automatically attached the bungee cord around them, so they wouldn’t slide off, when he pulled away later. That only had to happened once before for him to learn the importance of strapping things down. It was now something he did without giving much thought. His mind was on the day ahead: how many houses there were on his round today. How many windows to clean? Not too many, but enough to help with the rent, and buy some food later.

Life seemed okay. He was glad to have finally gotten away from his parents house. They’d recently moved into council accommodation on the other side of town. That brought problems of its own, what with coming from a middle class background, and then being thrown over onto the dark side of a council estate.

Glue sniffers on one side and milk thieves on the other. His mother hadn’t quite caught up with the fact they now lived on a shit-hole estate. For example, if you were naive enough to have milk delivered – as had been the case on the ‘better’ side of town – the neighbours simply got up before you, and stole it off the step. Really mother!? The final straw for him had been when some bastard had slashed all four of the new tyres he’d just had fitted to his car. What the fuck?

He’d changed the car since. He now drove a white Austin Maxi, not exactly much street cred in that, but he’d never really been overly bothered about that kind of thing; at least not when it came to cars that is. Besides, little did the boy racers know, it was actually the twin carb version; surprisingly quick off the mark. Yes things weren’t looking too bad; his little business was doing okay. This year he’d gained a few more customers; he’d also painted the exterior of four houses during the summer months. He could be proud, should be, but never quite was.  

His mind still on the day head, he turned around to fetch a few final things from the flat; water for his bucket essentially, it was then that he saw her.

She was rounding the corner of his street with an expectant smile on her face. His girlfriend, or, as he’d come to think of her recently, ex girlfriend. A week prior they’d had a row and gone their separate ways; at least that’s what he thought, and yet in an instant, all that had seemingly changed.

The row had started because his girlfriend’s mother disapproved of him; had even gone to the trouble of calling his mother to let her know: “My daughter could have had anyone but she chose your son!” slamming the phone down before his mother had chance to say anything. Hindsight had taught him a useful response: “Yes, and isn’t she lucky to have him.” Too late for that now? No, actually.

It was seeing her smile through the tears and feeling her neediness, and his emptiness, that caused him to take her in. She said she didn’t care what her parents thought. Said she loved him. It would prove to be one of the defining moments of his life.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

We all have memories of events from the past, that seem more prevalent, than others; memories that seem to pop into our awareness more frequently than others. Certainly in quieter moments of reminiscence – especially for clients during analysis – certain memories can surface with powerful clarity.

When we take a moment, to ponder on why these memories are the most powerful, we easily see their emotional content. It’s the emotional content that make our memories lasting. Happy or sad, angry or confused, emotion is the key.

The snippet of memory (often that’s all there is) relayed above, is significant, in its detail. For two people to be brought together through neediness, and the disapproval of parents, was potentially always going to be a recipe for disaster. Of course they believed they were in love, and to a great extent, they were. The only problem being, there was a slight imbalance in what that love was and meant, to each individual within the relationship.

As is now understood, in order to feel loved the young woman needed caring for as if she were still a child, and the young man needed to do the caring. There was no understanding of the empowering nature of mature love, or how this needed to be a reciprocal, for their relationship to have gone the distance.

No matter how long this memory is looked at though, the relationship was always destined to fail. Even if the young man’s girlfriend had attempted to empower him in return, it would have been rejected, or simply not understood. A woman empowering a man was not something he’d ever experienced, as such – and certainly not at that stage of his life – he would have never been able to acknowledge or accept it.

“Parents must exhibit empowering behaviour between each other for children to comprehend what a grown version of love is”

If we’ve never witnessed something, how will we ever learn, and know it. It’s the same with anything: when we see, hear and feel something, we have a far greater chance of it sticking. If we’ve experienced none of those things we remain in the dark.

Modelling behaviour is something we all do. When the model isn’t there to begin with, we blindly fumble our way through relationship after relationship, hoping to learn from our mistakes. A very painful method indeed. Fodder for the stories of dysfunctional relationships in soap operas no doubt. Painful and unnecessary.

Unnecessary, provided we take the time to learn a model of behaviour that speaks of grown love, and the importance of understanding what empowerment is. Not only that, but the importance of understanding and accepting the reciprocal nature of empowerment, is something we must grasp for our relationships to be both strong and lasting.

Powerful and evocative memories, that seem more prevalent than others, are there for clear reason. These memories are often pivotal moments in time and life. Moments where we’ve made decisions that a part of us (potentially a higher part) recognised as being very significant.

We make turns, changes and adjustments to our lives, based on the decisions we make. When we go back, and revisit prominent memories, we often see the alternative branches – of choice – we could have made. We see the consequences and effects of the moments we lived through with less experience than we have now. When we do this, we open up additional branches of opportunity, that are the consequence of hindsight. 

“Through memories we become time travellers that can correct future mistakes, through the clarity of seeing their significance, in the past”

Be aware of the significance of prominent memories, they may well have been turning points, in your life. Your mind may be saying: “See this and don’t do it again.” Did you make the correct choice before? Could you have done things better? Could your children learn something – improved on – from your own childhood?

Our Workshop Manual is the correction of future mistakes through having visited them in the past. 

The Infectious Nature of Insanity

“Imagine being in the company of a work colleague who constantly criticises someone else you work with”

Every morning all you hear is negatives and criticism over and over again. The effect of this, over time, is very interesting. You actually start to have the same negative thoughts about a colleague, you barely ever see, and certainly know nothing about. In fact all you do know, about this colleague, is he’s supposedly an idiot. This opinion has been placed upon you by proxy. It’s second hand information and incorrect at that.

The information is incorrect in respect of it being someone else’s opinion. To make matters worse this opinion is from your manager. The reality of the situation is, it’s the inability of the manager to properly train your colleague, that’s the real issue. He can’t do his job properly because the manager can’t do theirs. So poor are things now, and so lacking in resources is this manager, that the solution found is to resort to a playground game.

The manager has resorted to alienating all other members of staff against him. This is the game. It’s now at such a stage, that he makes mistake after mistake, and all picked up on by his alienated colleagues. He either leaves by his own volition (if he even has that left) or eventually gets sacked. A case for constructive dismissal if there ever was one.

“We can apply the same infectious nature to insanity”

For example, spending time with someone insanely confused. If you were to spend enough time with someone locked into such a state – about nearly every aspect of their lives – you too would become confused and uncertain. If your time was exclusive to such an individual it would only makes matters worse.

Imagine living on a ward within a psychiatric hospital. Your sane to begin with, but how long do you think it would take, for you to become confused too? Days, months or years? I think we’d all be surprised how quickly – the insanity of confusion and uncertainty – would take effect.

The nature of uncertainty in a mind that’s never known certainty is extraordinary. In such a mind, the myriad of options – presented to all of us each day – creates a kind of hell. Not knowing which way to turn, at every, any and each junction presented to us, creates a stress most of us would be unable to deal with. Unsurprisingly, once such a person actually does make a decision, it’s invariably the wrong one. Wrong, because that’s what they’ve been taught.

During their childhood every decision, opinion and choice, was knocked out of them by a controlling parent. According to this parent, every decision they did eventually make, had some element that was incorrect. Imagine years of this kind of abuse. In time you’d not know your head from your toe, and would require some kind of outside assistance, in order to cope with life.

“The alternative solution, to outside assistance, would be to reduce the number of options available”

The tendency then would be to close down life in an attempt to escape confusion (hello psychiatric ward). Life is all about options and choices, indeed the saying goes: “In your choices lies your talent.” Consider how an inability to make good choices, coupled with the belief those made are always incorrect or poor, creates a no win situation. The outcome a controlling parent wanted in the first place: Total control over the mind of a child. A monstrous act created by a monster. Their really are monsters out there. Murder is nothing of a crime compared to this. I’d rather be dead than confused all the time.

Thankfully I’m alive and rational enough to share my understandings and realisations with you and the rest of the world. These realisations have been achieved through decades of studying humans and their minds. Be cautious of who you choose to spend your time with. Contact Us.   

Find the Peace Within Yourself – Retrospection

Retrospection

“It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?”

What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.

If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word taofuck. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.

We certainly don’t advocate the worlds belief: no pain no gain, as this would tie us up, with employing the methods used by the majority. You know the kind of thing: Keep busy, stiff-upper-lip, pills, alcohol, sex, doctors, money, consumerism, you name it, all the western world solutions, to tie us up in knots.

“So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease”

My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I’ve come to understand, it’s the examination of memories from early experiences, that enable us to take charge of any negative influence they may still hold over us.

There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I met many courageous souls, who’d reached a point in their lives, where time in my chair had become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection is the way and means to break free from the negative influences of the past.

As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.

Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.

“When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes”

The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection.

The cure to loneliness will never be recognition from others, just as the search for love outside of ourselves, will always prove fruitless. Those things you love about others are within you too. Retrospection might just help you know.

The Positive and Negative of What We Do

Awareness

“Our unconscious drivings are a curious thing”

Much, if not most of what we do, is driven unconsciously. When we better understand what these things are, through raising them into our awareness, we increase our choices. It’s that simple: more choice is the reward for looking.

In a previous post we stated: “The Talent is In The Choices.” With this in mind, it can be said, too much choice is a bad thing, however, just as limiting – if not more so – is lack of choice. When we just act instinctively, with no seeming choice in the matter, we’re restricted.

“Too much choice, compared to having more choice through increased awareness, are two very different things”

Think about what you do for a living. It will be, that at some point you made a conscious decision, in what you now do; of course there’s been a conscious decision. However, what we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving behind it.

What we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving, may have been a negative one. Stay with this, it will become clearer.

When we increase are awareness, and find both the unconscious and conscious drivings, we increase choice. The ability to choose between a job – we’ve taken through an unconscious, negative force – or a life enhancing one we’ve taken through being fully aware – would be a beneficial ability, would it not?

Awareness

“Allow me to explain”

If you follow this blog, you’ll potentially be aware of the personal journey held within. In a recent post I spoke of my activities on weekday mornings. As a result of writing my thoughts down, I’ve now become aware of the negative drivings for this activity. The result is an increase in choice. I now understand the deeper purpose to my activities. Much of the deeper purpose was an unconscious method of communication. Let me explain further.

Obviously, I despise being abused by members of the general public, who doesn’t. If you work, or have ever worked withing the service industry, (we ALL do on some level) you’ll be aware of this fact: some people delude themselves into thinking they’re better than you, and also think it’s acceptable, to abuse you.

Now, as discussed in the post Tightening Spokes, having decisions taken out of our hands, as a child, is obviously very disempowering. For my biological father to make a decision on my behalf, without my knowledge, because my job inconvenienced him, was abusive. I understand this now. Continuing to work within a field where I open and expose myself to any kind of abuse, is something I’m now able to change or better deal with. I no longer need my mind to communicate unfinished business with me in this way. I no longer need to prove to myself – I’m a little person who gets abused – sticking it out with uninspiring work.

“The things we’re drawn to, are, at times, simply a method of communication from our unconscious mind”

Unfinished business from childhood has a way of showing itself. Take phobias. We’re only born with two fears: Loud noises and falling, all other fears are learnt and serve some kind of purpose. An irrational fear of snakes, for example, can be attributed to all sorts of childhood confusion. The fear is curing us, and at the same time the mind is looking to communicate, something needs our conscious attention. When we resolve the confusion from childhood, the phobia disappears. At the very least, we feel more choice and are no longer driven, by an irrational fear. There are no life threatening snakes in the UK. At least not the reptilian type that is.

Let me give you further example. Take someone who’s in the caring profession, let’s say, it’s looking after the elderly. I recently watched a snippet of video showing a recording of an elderly lady being slapped by her carer. The film was recorded by hidden camera placed in the home by her daughter. The health of the lady in question had deteriorated somewhat (she was already suffering with Alzheimer’s disease) and her daughter suspected it may have been due to abuse from her carer. The recording proved her worst fears.

Now, what of the carer? Why was she doing a job she obviously despised? We can know, potentially, the driving behind this, was her unconscious mind seeking communication. What unfinished business, do you imagine, was in the mind of a carer abusing those placed in her care? Why was she doing something she despised? Why was there no love? Do you imagine this person was loved and cared for as a child? Or do you think this unlikely?

“And so to the point”

The activities we’re driven to do often hold clues that we overlook. These clues can be our mind communicating unfinished business. When we see the clues for what they are, we remove the negative driving, and increase our choices. In my case, the next person who feels it’s permissible to abuse me, will be told to leave. Simple.

And what of you? We can all look to better ourselves, by escaping a negatively driven activity, that may only be our minds way of saying: “YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS.”

Look closely at the things you do that are not something you enjoy. Why would you do that? Through necessity? Perhaps this is the case, however, what about the aspects to that activity you grudgingly put up with and don’t seek to change? Are you seeking any change? Are you seeking to better your life? If not, why not? What does your mind want to tell you?

The Locksmith Series #7 (look closely)

Emily and the weight loss Questions
Weight Loss

Emily was aware of the disembodied voice asking her questions, she’d already asked her’s: “Why am I am I over weight?” “Why do I keep eating all the wrong things when I know they’re bad for me?” “Why do I keep thinking I deserve a relationship but keep myself feeling unattractive?” “Why am I crying right now?”

The Locksmith had anticipated Emily’s questions, everyone who’d ever been to see him had questions, and of course he knew all about how important they were to his inquisitors, yet he also knew, it wasn’t so much the questions that mattered, but how you asked them.

He asked Emily to use her minds eye and imagine a leopard running through the jungle. Knowing the next question was potentially deceitful (as the animal itself was often seen) but with good intent, he asked her:

“How is it the leopard isn’t fat?”

“I know all about exercise!” exclaimed Emily, “I work out at the gym, but when I get home I eat a packet of fucking biscuits, sorry about my bad language,” she added.

Lord Harry, the little terrier curled up beside her, had raised his head. The Locksmith’s question had worked.

“Well, it must be that eating the packet of biscuits is doing something for you, satisfying you in some way. What is the feeling you experience just before you open the packet?”

“Just before I open the packet?”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before.”

“And now that you are?”

Emily was feeling exasperated, “Christ! . . . , sorry,” she said.

“So if I’m hearing you right the feeling you have is sorry,” said the Locksmith.

“No, no, I was apologising for using Christ’s name in vain, I keep swearing.”

“Yes, and if you were sorry, what would you be sorry for?” asked the Locksmith

There was a long pause before Emily answered that last question, she was waiting for some rather inexplicable angry feelings to subside. Once calm she repeated the question to herself: if I was sorry what would I be sorry for?

Finding her voice she said, “I’d feel sorry that I was opening a packet of bloody biscuits, that’s for sure! . . . sorry.”

“Um hum, that particular packet, or the packet before that one?” asked the Locksmith.

After a while Emily came to an understanding the Locksmith was looking to help her with; he was helping her understand the looping nature of guilt, and how guilt doesn’t tend to be ‘date stamped.’

“We can feel guilty for something that happened years ago, or hours ago, and the feelings associated with each incident can be no less intense or destructive,” he told her.

“What we must focus our attention on, is the first time we felt guilty, eating. Also we must focus on how something has changed from necessity to guilt.”

That last part didn’t make any sense to Emily but she was listening all the same, especially when he asked her: “Tell me about that first time; feeling guilty; eating to feel better.”

She didn’t want to say, but somehow, Emily found the strength: “It was after the first time he touched me,” she said. Now the tears had become a well.

To be continued…

Ahhhhhhh… got me again!

It’s a nice summers day, I’ve been walking, minding my own business; feeling good; feeling calm. In the park nearby there’s a busker playing Spanish guitar. I listen for awhile; he’s very good. A few minutes later I decide to make my way home, when who should happen along, but someone I know through another friend: The queen of humiliation.

‘Hello Jilly’ I say

“Oh hello how are you?”

‘I’m very well thank you, and you?’

“Oh fine, fine. Have you been listening to the Spanish Guitarist?”

‘Yes, he’s very good isn’t he’

“Good, only one of the sixth best in the world!” she exclaims with a chuckle.

…………………………………..

“On the surface you might see that little snippet of conversation to be a fairly harmless exchange, on the surface, it is, unless you know Jilly that is.”

You see, the lady in question, has this very annoying habit of making you feel stupid, and she’s very, very good at it. So adept, at making sensitive men feel like arsholes is she, that I’m sure many actively avoid her. Some women get a buzz from humiliating men and I’ve met a few of them. So lacking in confidence, with so little love in their lives, are they, that this gives them a sense of superiority.

These people are transparent to the rest of us when we realise that humiliation will be something they lived through during childhood. In Jilly’s case, either from witnessing father humiliate mother, from being humiliated herself, or, as is more likely the case, both instances. 

It really shouldn’t matter that this woman can do this to me: get under my skin in this way. It really, really shouldn’t matter, but for some strange reason, it does. Within me there’s obviously some need to look in charge, to be in control, to be an all knowing, all seeing man about town. Impossible of course, yet we men, do need to feel this way and mostly, kind women, humour us. They certainly don’t look to humiliate us.

Jilly exposes this weakness. She metaphorically rips my head off and spits down my fucking neck. And not just once, no, every time I meet her there’s the same outcome. What a defence mechanism, genius, she’s pure genius. Was pure genius I should say. Past tense, because no one will be seeing Jilly again, and she’ll definitely no longer be getting under my skin. She’ll not be getting under anyone’s skin for that matter. You see, I’ve murdered her. Yep, bashed her silly fucking brains in with a hammer.

“No, not really. I jest. Even though I’ve not killed her, it is clear to me now, I’ll not be seeing Jilly again. I’ll be actively avoiding her from now on, and so, to me, she is dead.”

You might think this a little drastic (slightly less so than murder) however, I’ve taken this decision, because my wellbeing: the health of my mood and my mind, is so important to me now, that I’ll no longer be putting up with the bastards trying to get me down.

It’s not been difficult to work out why Jilly’s this way. Not difficult at all. In fact, she’s fucking transparent, but the thing is, I don’t care. I no longer care that she’s been damaged. I don’t care that she’s lonely. I. Don’t. Fucking. Care. My psyche is the most important aspect here.

thelake

People will constantly look to throw stones into the calm pool of our minds; if we let them, that is. This is their point. My whole intention, whenever I meet someone, Jilly included, is to just have a gentle and meaningless interaction with them, that goes no further than ‘how are you?’ and ‘isn’t it a beautiful day?’ Any further than this and we’re generally into game play. I’m bored of the games.

It’s easy to understand why the English only ever talk about the weather, any further on from this, and they’re trying to fuck with each others minds. Such ugly and unnecessary game play. Just leave me be, and all is well.

guitar

He is a very good Spanish Guitarist, but sixth in the world, and still busking. Fuck, there really isn’t any hope for us, is there? Or was it all total bollocks invented just for the gameplay? It must be accepted, sometimes even love, isn’t enough. Nice weather we’re having though.

Your Greatness – Their Greatness

map of greatness

“Have you ever engaged with someone at a level you’ve never experienced before?”

Have you ever had the feeling you have someone’s absolute, full and complete attention? Have you ever had the feeling that someone understands you so well, that it’s almost as if they’re inside your mind?

This, is the power of analysis conducted by well trained, knowledgeable therapists. Not only that, when you add the power of modern psychotherapeutic techniques, and specifically GOLD Counselling, you have a formula that encourages change.

Clearing the way, for our clients to get all they want from life, is the aim of the committed therapist. Deep within the psyche of all, resides the power to succeed or the power to fail. That’s right, failure takes energy of mind, easily equal to that required, for success.

blackboard3

‘Whatever I believe my mind always achieves for me either in reality or with my imagination as fantasy’ – GOLD Counselling

Required, for gentle insight into where our beliefs were learned, is the induction of a light trance, or relaxed state of mind. Simply listening to music can do this for the average person, due to our ability to focus attention. We’re then asking our clients to focus on some specific instructions; this alone can be sufficient to focus the mind.

Once focused we’re able to access and recall specific moments from our past that directly – or indirectly – link to the sensitising incidents where we learned our beliefs. Judicious questioning reveals startling insight into how, why and from whom we learned what we believe about ourselves, and the world about us.

Make no mistake, clearing the way, by removing limiting and negative beliefs from our minds, is only the first step, however, if we’d never taken our first steps, we’d have never learned to walk.

Imagine walking through life as if it were a minefield. Blindly stepping one way or the other simply hoping intuition, or trusting the map we’ve been shown, will correctly direct us to finding what it is we want. This, is what we all do, to a greater or lesser degree.

“The map is the territory and this map was shown and explained to us by our childhood cartographers. Do we know; can we be sure they got it right?”

Removing any doubt, that we may be heading blindly in the wrong direction – expending valuable energy – simply because we know nothing, other than what our childhood cartographers taught us, is how we positively place ourselves on the correct path.

By giving your clients valuable and elusive insight into their own minds you give them a powerful head start. By giving them the information, missing from the original map, you effectively give them the sight necessary, to see the buried land mines of failure.

There is a map in existence that clearly states: you will only ever have what you give. Your greatness, becomes their greatness as you begin to see clearly the map of misdirection laid out before you. A map that has been directing you, to use your time and energy, headed in the wrong direction.