The Power of Personal Development

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is Power

Like it or not if we want more personal power we’re going to need the know-how. The knowledge of how others surreptitiously take our power, and how we might be unknowingly giving it away, will prove invaluable. We can either gain this knowledge through the school of hard knocks, or we can learn avoidance techniques. It’s a simple choice. And it’s those who realise the benefits to learning additional life-skills that are awarded personal power.

Relationships are Important

It’s a rare thing to enter adulthood with the kind of emotional maturity that awards us good relationships. It’s true to say, the better equipped we are at displaying emotional maturity, the more likely we’ll find that person of our dreams. The individual who’s respectful of our needs, and at the same time mature enough to put their needs in the proper place, finds beauty in their relationships. We’re able to be one of the fortunate when we have the correct information to hand.

Awareness is Paramount

Increasing self-awareness comes as a by-product of knowing others better. Once we understand the reflective nature of people’s character, we’re awarded an unprecedented ability, to see ourselves objectively. It’s only once we can do this, that we’re able to raise our self-awareness and our game. Self-awareness empowers us to take full control of ourselves and our lives. Take for example, the person who’s in a constant state of confusion over their mood swings. They report feelings of being out of control; as if they’re on a “constantly moving emotional seesaw.” We ask about diet, walk them through a typical day, only to discover their bad habit. We then point out, how gobbling five hundred calorie sugar hits, four or five times a day, is likely effecting their brain, thus raising their self-awareness. Knowledge is power.

Knowing What to Believe

Knowing what we believe gives us the ability to question and change those beliefs that limit us. For example, the person who grows up believing big (overweight) gives them the power to intimidate people, and get their needs met through this intimidation, is limited through simple belief. We help such an individual, who might be five stones overweight, through helping them recognise how they’re carrying five stones of fear. Fear shortens lives, either through being afraid ourselves, or believing we need others to be this way, so we may get our needs met. Never be afraid to question beliefs.

Time is of The Essence

The sooner we’re in a position of power, over ourselves, choices and ultimately our lives, the sooner we get started on truly living. We can do away with much of the drama of life, through being informed, and in emotional control. Learning how we create our own difficulties, through bad relationships and limiting beliefs, is at the core of making the most of our precious time. Never waste time thinking ‘things will just work themselves out in the end.’ By the time that arrives, it will of course, be too late.

You can find your application form here.

The Curious Nature of Money

The Curious Nature of Money

“Looking closely at money does seem to open up more questions than answers”

Even so, questions are important, and discussing money, so we can lose some of the potential stress and misunderstandings surrounding it, will be of great value (excuse the pun).

Often when seeking to understand money, we’re given advice and guidance that relates directly to its management: how best to save, invest, earn etc. All well and good, however, there is something of fundamental importance, that’s often overlooked: The Psychology.

The Curious Nature of Money

Time and money bear a close correlation. For example, we want that new car, bike or pair of shoes, but don’t currently have the cash available. So rather than waiting, until we’ve saved enough, we borrow. Buy now pay later. You might think fair enough. If we’re prepared to pay the interest on the loan, we’re able to enjoy the goods now, rather than later. But what is the psychology behind this thinking.

“What is buy now pay later really all about. Is this a lack of patience? Is it just a social thing? Or is it that our wants are greater than our needs?”

I’m able to compare my own experience of being young and broke with someone who is currently just starting out in life. When I was sixteen I didn’t have the cash to buy the moped I desperately needed, so, with my father acting as guarantor, I borrowed. It turned out to be a mistake – I borrowed more than I could afford – and my father had been foolish to allow it. He’d been unable to advise me otherwise. In comparison, I’m aware of a young man who, even though his earning capacity is restricted, has successfully managed to save enough money to buy his first moped. He’s also now saving for his next bike; a bigger one. He has no debt. To be able to put the words young and patient together, in the same sentence, is a very rare thing.

“We can know this is down to several potential factors”

Firstly he hasn’t been able to borrow money (no guarantor) or secondly he’s been cleverly advised out of it. The chances are, his beliefs – formed from advice and experience – have created a positive time/money correlation. In other words, he’s learned patience in its respect.

Home Ownership

Of course saving for a moped is one thing, yet buying a house for example, would be an entirely different matter. With the property market as it is, it would be nigh on impossible for the average person to ever save enough to buy one outright. He or she would be so old, by the time they’d saved enough, that they’d never have the chance to enjoy it. Plus we have the problem of house prices always increasing way above the rate of pay increases. And isn’t that a curious thing? The gap between the rich and the poor ever increasing do you think?

“Anyway Let’s Not Get Distracted!”

That last paragraph does all hinge on our beliefs relating to home ownership. Provided we’re able to find a decent landlord we can be quite happy renting. If you’ve no concerns over leaving inheritance to family members (or cat charities,) then owning your own home, is in fact a bit of a nonsense. We can all be sold on the idea of having no mortgage in retirement, but that can be offset, with the belief that retirement is a complete nonsense too. Retire from what? There are many ways we can stay as wage earners in old age. Society actually requires input from the older generation. This is in much the same way children (mostly) benefit from knowing grandparents.

The Curious Nature of Money

We could go on and on with the debate over money, yet there is one simple answer to removing much of the stress surrounding it. I touched on this earlier. It’s that thing of our wants being greater than our needs. Once we can reach a point in our lives where our wants match our needs we’ll be in a favourable position. The sooner the better. This is the time/money correlation in its essence.

“Doing this involves some cleverness”

If, at the age of sixteen, I’d been a little more canny and wise to the world, I could have avoided much of the stress and difficulties I’ve experienced ever since. If someone had said to me:

“Look kiddo, here’s the thing, you’re being fucked over by your own wants and your wanting is being driven by your beliefs on happiness.”

“Right now you believe the only root to your happiness is that moped, right? Okay, so what would need to happen for you to find this freedom and happiness without it?”

That last question would certainly be a mind-bomb for the average sixteen year old. It would probably be the case, that suggestions from someone I believed in and respected, would’ve been necessary. Perhaps, if such a person had introduced me to an inexpensive hobby, things would have worked out differently. Perhaps, if it’d been explained – in clear and simple terms – that happiness and freedom must begin in the mind, and never outside of it, things would have been very different.

The Curious Nature of Money

All in all, there’s no getting away from the facts of life: We will always need sufficient money to cater for our basic needs and independence. Without that we’ve no chance of happiness, and to add to our misery, illness is potentially around every corner.

“So to close”

Hopefully this has opened up your mind a little to the subject in hand. I would question the belief that money buys happiness. Without our basic needs being met, we’ll be unhappy, that’s a given. However, our attitude of mind, mentality and belief system, has great bearing on the amount of stress and unhappiness we might experience around the subject. It’s really worth pondering on the time/money correlation. Surly it’s the case, the wiser we are and the sooner we find this wisdom, the happier we will be from the offset?

You can find out more on beliefs through workshop attendance and by typing in the search word ‘beliefs’ into the appropriate box. Your application form can be found here.

 

One to One Attitude Unavailable

Attitude

We’ve come a long way since the days of ‘put-up-and-shut-up.’ This kind of attitude to life is no longer accepted by the majority. Humanity has, and is looking to solve many of the riddles and conundrums, to life. For example, why is it good people, always seem to get the shitty end of the stick? In answer to that, it’s not so much about good or bad that makes the difference, it’s about having a proper grip on the realities of life, that does. It’s also about understanding the influences of the past on the present.

“Most times, we do need to understand the importance of putting ones own needs, uppermost in our mind”

That last statement might go against the grain slightly. However, unless we realise the realities of life at the offset, we’ll likely be in for some nasty surprises. Awareness of the importance of Personal Responsibility places us in a position of power. Leaning on others, believing they’re thinking about us and our needs, might work in the short term. In the long term though, it always becomes apparent, that through our vulnerability, we’re only ever placing another person in a position of power over us.

Further to this, if we’re needy because of illness this illness only acts as confirmation of the belief: “I am powerless.” In actual fact, it might well be our powerlessness, that’s the root to our illness in the first place! It’s a chicken or the egg scenario. In which case, we might want to ask: “Where and when was my power taken from me?”

“It is human nature to lust for power, and if you’re unable to retain yours, it will effortlessly be taken from you”

The ego desires power, it lusts for it. Knowing and accepting this puts you in a position of control. No, not control over others, just control over yourself. Take mental illness for example. Much of the root cause of mental illness is the continued ignorance of the sufferer. Honest, useful and empowering information, is part of the cure. This is something I believe.

Attitude

For example, if depressed, it might not seem immediately useful and empowering to be asked: “So Johnny boy, how are you doing your depression exactly?” In the first instance you might want to punch that person in the face. Potentially, if just for a moment during the punching, you might well be cured of your depression. Who ever said boxing, or just a good old punch-up, didn’t have its uses?

On a more seriousness note

When our power is handed back, through someone actually telling us how it is, (yes depression is created by the person suffering with it because it’s buying them something) this is true empowerment. The tools for how we change depression, once we’ve accepted why and how we’re creating it, are another matter.

This is where the ‘put-up-and-shut-up’ attitude no longer lives. When approaching the professional nowadays, it’s very unlikely you’ll be told to just take an aspirin, and to then simply hope for the best. There are tools (rather than wretched drugs) at our disposal, that can help us to understand, how to stay well and clear of limiting conditions.

With this in mind we do all face a slight dilemma. When depressed, getting up and doing something about it, can feel like the equivalent to climbing a mountain. It’s a catch twenty two situation. We don’t want to feel the way we do, but don’t have the first clue, as to how we go about changing it.   

“Ultimately it comes down to choice. We either carry on living a half life or we decide to climb that mountain. It’s a decision”

Seeking the necessary information is a decision. Accepting that there’s some work ahead is also a decision. We must reach the point where we’re prepared to accept this reality: “it’s only me that can fix this.” Once accepted we’re able to get out there and find the information required.

Attitude of Information Seeking

Much of mental illness is often cured through the individual changing their attitude and viewpoints to life. Often there needs to be a shift in the kind of philosophies we believe and adhere to. Our expectations, and what we believe life should be, needs a good shake.

Let’s for a moment, imagine depression as being similar to a meal devoid of that all important, pinch of salt. Many depressed are this way, because they themselves are leaving the salt off, believing life (or someone else,) should have already put it there for them. It’s an attitude of entitlement. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

Unless we look and then bend down to pick up that container of salt from the bottom shelf, where we least expected to find it, we’ll continue to experience life as the bland meal we’re currently tasting.

One to One

I originally set out writing this post as a means of welcoming in one to one appointments. It’s clear to me now though, after sharing my thoughts, that this isn’t the way forward for me at all.

Moving forward often involves shedding the past. I’ve already served my apprenticeship – as a Personal Development Specialist – through the years I spent as an Analytical Hypnotherapist. Personal Development, as opposed to therapy, is partly about the power of group dynamics. Think of this: how is it possible to retain the mental illness of anxiety and depression, when surrounded by people, passionate about life?

“True empowerment comes as a result of finding the driving force behind it: LOVE”

If you’d like to experience me and the rest of The Freedman College Team, you will need to climb, this little mountain.

 

 

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

How do we gain this from each other? How do we get people to be attentive to our needs? Do we shout? Are we quiet? Both extremes can gain us attention can’t they? Perhaps we need controversy. Are we inclined to say provocative things? Are we antisocial, spiteful or mean?

Think of the extroverts, they’re certainly attention seekers. Wild dress, or no dress at all! It gets them what they seek. All in all, on one level or another, we’re all playing some kind of game in order to gain the attention of others. We all want to feel less alone. More attention equals less alone.

“What, on the other hand, if you shun this and want time alone?”

Over the years I’ve known plenty of people who’re extremely adept at getting people to reject them. The ways in which rejection is achieved are myriad, and far too complicated, for this particular post. It’s true to say though, being alone, isn’t actually something many people seek. The majority of us are looking for the opposite of alone.

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

And so attention seeking is the norm. To understand the methods we use to seek it, we only need take our minds back to childhood, for a moment. Indeed, in this respect, it could be said that’s all we continue to do throughout the majority of our lives: seek the attention of parents. What we are actually seeking is love. As touched on in previous posts, love, is something slightly lacking at this time.

“Has the balance between love and fear tipped toward the negative and become the overriding driver?”

An abundance of love, found from within ourselves, would potentially stop the constant need to seek the attention of others. Would the unconscious need to seek love and attention from parents, be less prevalent, if we’d received it in abundance, when young?

“Children, with attentive parents, are less likely to grow into adults who seek it in a negative fashion”

Attention seeking adults are currently creating havoc in the world today. We could say this has always been the case. We could even say, the numerous and atrocious activities of violent people from our past, were just the activities of the unconscious seeking approval and attention from neglectful parents.

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

How would things be, if the human mind and its concept of love, were better understood? If there existed an authoritative rule book on parenting – that parents or future parents felt obliged to follow – would there then be less unrest in the world today?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

One thing’s for sure, if we all stopped using such negative means, for gaining each others love, things would be a little quieter right now. How would it be if we all gained this through gently asking each other, about, each other? Would I have you then? It seems most want this through upset, anger, and controversy though don’t they?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

They want anger and upset to do the trick. They’d rather this, than any fascination we might hold for their loves, lives, passions, successes, and yes, even their failures. Why is this? What’s happened to the gentle humankind? What’s happened to the interest we used to show for each other? How is it we’ve become so locked up within ourselves?

Attention From The Gentle Humankind

Would you like to tell me about yourself? What’s happening for you today? Can you believe in a genuine interest? Can you display the necessary confidence to be genuinely interested in another?

Self-Belief

Self-belief

The Horseshit is Disempowering

It’s often cited by successful people, that their success, can be directly attributed to a ‘right place, right time’ kind of scenario. In other words, they got lucky. It is in fact horseshit to claim it was all down to luck.

The Reality is Empowering

How would it be if we didn’t wait for luck but just created a right time and right place scenario instead? Or how about we looked to gain the ability to spot opportunity when it presents itself? In reality this is more likely the situation with success, plus of course, that necessary small slice of luck. There must be a degree of talent, mixed up with that luck, for a winning formula to come about.   

Opportunity is Here

Now, it might not seem like an immediately obvious fact, yet taking a glance at beliefs, can help us in several ways. Firstly, the ability to spot opportunity is often hampered by mentality and attitude to life. Secondly, questioning the very things we believe about ourselves, opportunity and indeed luck itself, will help remove any psychological blocks we may have to welcoming in these necessary elements. In addition to this, nurturing our natural talents, is far easier, once we understand how our minds, can unwittingly, lead us in completely the wrong direction.

Good At Something

There is something you’re good at. You may not know it yet and it may be that your natural talents are being hampered through lack of self-belief. With our powerful imaginations we can easily perceive something, but we must also be able to believe it, before we’re able to achieve it. Perceive it, Believe it, Achieve it.

You might now be wondering: what am I good at? You might be thinking that any natural abilities you do have aren’t good enough. Right now they might not be. The point to bear in mind here is, natural talent must be nurtured, and its negative, self-limiting beliefs, that are often holding it back.

Simply saying to yourself: “I’ll never be good enough” is actually enough to ensure you never will be. ‘Never good enough’ is in fact a belief. How do you know you’ll never be good enough? Who told you that? What situation caused you to establish that belief? Was it because you found it difficult or fell at that first hurdle? Don’t believe either your own mind, or the horseshit spouted by people who’ve already made it. There’s a likelihood they see you as becoming competition and would rather you stayed put! Dedication and passion are needed.

Positive Belief

Dedication and passion are fostered and enforced through positive self-belief. The mind that says: “yes, even though this is difficult, in time, I will achieve.” It’s often surprising what people end up doing through self-belief, dedication and passion. Firstly removing those thoughts, (beliefs) that hamper our potential and success, is essential.

Attendance on one of our weekend workshops will show you the way forward. Your application form is here.

Highly Strung

Highly-strung

“Having just spent the last half-hell-hour with an extremely highly-strung person, I thought it prudent, to write about it”

I didn’t plan on writing today, however, due to the therapeutic benefits of writing, here goes. I’m going to break down the nature of ‘highly-strung’ a little, as this might be of benefit, to all of us.

If you suspect you’re of a highly strung nature, you might find it hard to give this your full attention, or even believe you have time for it. So the advice would be: chill out a little, as the following might actually award you some time, by helping you live longer.

Now, it’s not that I’d describe myself as a particularly overly chilled-out kind of person, (you know the sort: dopey, doesn’t give a shit, acting stoned) yet I do find being with highly-strung people, quite stressful.

“To help explain, I’m going to share something with you: I have high frequency deafness”

In relation to deafness, and because it’s happening right now, I’m going to compare the company of highly-strung people, with listening to seagulls. In this moment as I write, I can hear the very unpleasant screeching of seagulls (I have my hearing aids in) but interestingly enough, in the background, there’s the rather melodic cooing sound of a wood pigeon.

“I’m the wood pigeon and my highly strung nemesis is the seagull”

I hear wood pigeons without wearing my hearing aids (lower frequency sound) and only hear seagulls when they’re fitted. You might now ask: “Why don’t you just take your hearing aids out, or switch them off, if you don’t want to hear seagulls?” And I would answer: ‘I just fucking have!’

Anyway, the only reason I’ve been wearing my hearing aids this morning, is because I’ve needed to hear people. Sometimes the aids make that easier. Often, hearing less – of the general screeching of life – would be favourable, by just leaving them out.

Alternative View: The Disease Cures You

With that in mind, what is the alternative view of my deafness? That’s right, escape! Life without hearing aids is often a little gentler and less stressful. Most, it would seem, are living their lives on a slightly different frequency to me: a much higher one!

One twig at a time
One Twig At A Time

It’s my belief, that if we rounded off the corners, and reduced all the sharpness of life, things would be slightly more pleasant. Running around doing everything at high speed is ultimately pointless. Most of us are looking to cram far too much in. We’ve no time for this or that because we’re too busy doing the other. The thing to consider here is this: Being so busy doing the other is potentially as much a means of escape, as my deafness.

“My deafness helps me escape the manic madness of it all, and the manic madness, helps others escape their unfortunate realities”

The reality faced by a highly-strung person, looked at objectively, isn’t a very pleasant one. They’re in a place of fear. People might say to me: “Gosh how unfortunate you are to have a disability.” I would respond by saying we all have our disabilities but most remain oblivious to them. They remain oblivious to their fear and how they’re dealing with it.

Fear

For example, the highly strung person I spent time with this morning, is in a place of fear. She’s recently been promoted to a position that way exceeds her resources. Because of this, she uses her ability to act manic and highly-strung (around calm people) in order to try and intimidate them. In actual fact it’s the method she uses to bully people. Bully those who aren’t aware of her fear that is.

So even though it’s sometimes a method used for intimidation; fearful, highly-strung behaviour, is definitely a disability. Coming back to my point about time, I have as much of this as I need, in order to help people understand their behaviour. Once we have the correct point of view, time is a companion, walking alongside us.

Drugs

So to sum up, highly-strung, is highly wasteful. Those who take speed or cocaine are looking to change their perception of time. They want to chemically alter their conscious perceptions. The alternative, to being inside our heads in this way, is to see ourselves objectively. This enables us to alter things without the need for drugs or manic behaviour.

“Self-obsessed differs greatly to self-possessed”

The highly-strung need to take charge. If not, they’ll continue to waste their lives, perceiving very little. Chill Out Man. Stop screeching like a seagull. Be the wood pigeon I hear so clearly.

If you’d like to know more – about how to know more about you – Contact Us.          

Spontaneity Through Choice

Spontaneity

“I’ve spent the last few hours sitting high above the river Dart”

There’s a little bench situated at the top of a lane called ‘Jawbones’ (don’t ask I’ve no idea). It’s a bit of a climb but worth the view once you’re there. So lovely is the view, that you can easily while away several hours, pondering, and watching all the comings and goings on the river. It’s a nice thing to do.

There are always numerous yachts and pleasure cruisers moving up and down the river. The old fashioned ‘lower ferry’s’ are interesting to watch. There are two of them, each being pulled across the river by little tugboats. When watching them, I often wonder how it is those little boats aren’t pulled apart, by the forces of the tide and weight of the ferry. They work so hard: pulling and pushing their cargo. They’re very strong and persistent those little tugboats.

Making Sense Yet?

Alongside the river runs a heritage railway with its beautiful steam trains running frequently. You hear their whistles from time to time; with its very distinctive sound, there’s even an american locomotive here at the moment. Suffice to say, it’s all very quaint and pretty; set up nicely for the tourists.

I’m not a tourist. I live here. Seeing that view still holds its fascination, yet like most things, if you stare at it long enough, it becomes just that: a view. Seen for the first time it’s extraordinary, less so, once you’ve seen it a few times.

“Many things in life are like this aren’t they?”

Be it the journey to work, the job itself, or dare I say it, a relationship or marriage. We get tired of the repetition: of doing the same things over and over again. So much so, that most of what we do, starts to become automatic and unnoticed.

For example, whilst sitting on my bench at the top of ‘Jawbones’ (yes really) a few people strolled past, saying their hellos and good morning’s, and I’m sure they weren’t even noticing the view. Heads down, only looking up as they noticed me. . . sitting. Perhaps they wanted my bench, only walking on, because it was already taken. Tough luck, I was here first.

Anyway, I think you get it. When we do things repetitively we can become a little dumbed-down by it all. To some extent we can’t avoid this, however, we can seek out ways to limit it. We must make sure we introduce some variety and challenge into our lives.

Spontaneity

Spontaneity is a beautiful word and a beautiful thing when introduced into life. With hindsight, I feel choosing a random thing to do, with the last few hours of my life, would have been favourable. And with that now said, after I’m finished here, I’m off to the beach for a swim. It’s certainly a random and more interesting thing to do than sitting on a bench.

So to the point. If you find yourself grinding your jawbones (get it) with the sameness of things, apply a little spontaneity, and randomness to your life. It’ll make all the difference.

Would you like to become more spontaneous through opening up your choices? Then stop being a tugboat. Contact Us

A Route Without Hills

Living

“On a rest break from cycling yesterday a gentleman approached me and asked me if I was local”

“Well I’m originally from a long way north of here” I replied

“Oh, only how do you cope with riding around here with all the hills? I’ve just recently moved into the area, the other side of the river as a matter of fact, and bought myself a lovely new bike. Because it’s so hilly I’ve only ridden it a few times. Do you know of any routes without hills?”

“Routes without hills, hmm, that’s a tricky one.”

Since the encounter I have thought of a snappy retort: “Have you though about a fucking velodrome mate?” It’s perhaps not in my true nature to be quite so sarcastic, and yet, it did seem a slightly silly question.

Living?

The thing is, it’s the hills that make cycling so much fun. Yes it’s tough climbing them (especially at 20%), however, once at the top, racing down the other side is exhilarating.

Losing weight and getting fit can obviously be achieved on the flat, or in a velodrome for that matter, but there does need to be more to it than that. Experiencing the great outdoors and feeling that sense of achievement when, having struggled up hills for some months, you now find the process easier, must be part of the whole experience. I told my enquiring gentleman to stick with it.

“We can view many things in this light”

If life as a whole were to be a boring ride around a velodrome, or even worse, a continuous easy glide downhill, it really wouldn’t be worth living. We must have the rough with the smooth; the ups and the downs etc. Without challenge, life would be a bit of a meaningless drudge.

It brings to mind those individuals who seem to think that life shouldn’t involve any kind of challenge; in particular emotions that feel painful or difficult to shrug off.

It also brings to mind the thousands of antidepressants prescribed to children in the UK (and no doubt many other countries) simply because the child doesn’t know how to take charge of their mind and emotions.

“No one is teaching them how. Is it not a form of abuse, to neglect a child in such a way, only to then visit a doctor who prescribes pills? Just a thought”

Perhaps parents don’t have the time to deal with children and their unruly emotions? If parents don’t have time for this, why are they having children, in the first place? Oh, I suppose it’s living the velodrome mentality: everything should be like riding on the flat: fast and easy. A brave new world. Tut, tut, so sarcastic!

We could ask: “Why shouldn’t life be an easy journey with no ups and downs? Why does it need to be a challenge?” In answer, all we need do is imagine the brain of a lion trapped in a cage. Imagine it pacing up and down, backwards and forwards, caged in one of those zoo’s we seem so fond of.

Living?

Eventually the lion starts to become unwell, fur falling out, chewing it’s paws just to feel something. If the animal is caged for long enough it will become so unfit and unwell it will die. Parrots are also renowned to be very intelligent creatures who would go the same why without stimulation. Perhaps the answer is to put these animals on antidepressants? No? No. Ridiculous isn’t it. So how is it we think it’s sensible to put a child on them? 

“In the greatest sense we are all still animals”

Those losing touch with their humanity are done for. We are fairly advanced creatures. We do need to train ourselves into how to control our wayward minds. That needs to start from a young age.

A child who doesn’t enjoy cycling up a hill, and only enjoys the rush of freewheeling down one, is the child neglected. We must point out to our children that our humanity dictates the necessity of balance. There is no balance when all we want is pleasure and no discomfort.

“Even though this is the case our discomfort can be in the form of our choosing”

For example, working down a mine for twelve hours a day was a discomfort not necessarily of our choosing. Now we have advanced sufficiently we’re able to steer away from this kind of suffering into challenges that are life enhancing. And there is the key. We must show our children that challenges are not about suffering but are simply things to overcome. A necessity to fully living life.

Eventually we reach the top of the hill and realise the climb wasn’t that bad after all. Believe it or not, challenging ourselves in this way, is actually the easiest route of all. Reading this will help you understand.

It can seem the hardest thing in the world to understand that life is about giving and not having. If you know of a depressed child, would helping them understand the principles here, help them?

We believe it would. Want more? Contact Us.   

Personal Development Courses

So many people dream of having different lives. We know what we want, yet seem limited by forces unknown. Feeling these unknown forces (perhaps in the form of frustration, anger or despair) simply means we’ve reached the limits of our resources.

“The most valuable life skill of all is that of thinking. It is the way in which we think, that decides the kind of life, we experience”

The ability to change our internal environment (how we think), about any given situation, awards us the ability to change our external experience. Let’s use the example of a business facing staff relationship difficulties.

Relationship difficulties within companies are often the result of poor management. The relationships between staff members often needs to be managed. If the managers themselves lack sufficient resources, in terms of how they relate to people, this will be reflected through the business as a whole.

Now, the manager in our example is a woman who believes men are idiots. The reasons for this are in some ways complicated, yet in others, very simple. The complication is why she believes this, and yet, the easy solution lies in how. In other words, all our manager needs to ask herself is: how am I creating this problem with my staff? At this moment in time there’s no need for us to complicate things by looking to understand the psychology of why. From time to time we all face self-imposed difficulties. The quick solution is all we need right now. This is found by asking: How? The how is simple.

This is How

“The manager in our example only shares the minimum of information with her staff”

Communication is the main issue. When teaching her staff she omits lots of detail. Because of this they make lot’s of mistakes. Once the mistakes are made, she’s then able to firmly place the blame on others and announce to herself: this is happening because all men are are idiots. The manager is simply fulfilling a belief – that becomes fact – through her inability to objectively see what she’s doing.

A Simple Thinking Tool

The simple thinking tool of asking ourselves: how am I creating this problem? is powerful in several ways. Firstly, when we see the faulty generalisation of our beliefs, and how we’re fulfilling them, we’re then able to change. Secondly, and potentially the most difficult element to this, is we’re able to take ownership of the problem. It is us that creates our own difficulties. Even though this is the case, if we’ve reached the limit of our resources, change is impossible. Our manager is unable to change until she’s able to see her behaviour objectively. This is where development courses come into play.

Once the manager in our example is made aware of the error in her thinking – so she may improve her communication skills – her business will begin to thrive. Her staff will be happier, feeling increasingly competent in their duties, and she will begin to feel less stress and confusion.

Our Personal Development Weekend Courses are beliefs and relationships focused for very good reason. The valuable life-skills-resource of improved thinking turns dreams into reality. In addition to this, improving how we think, removes the negative emotions that keep us stuck is self-destructive patterns.

To book your place on one of our courses complete the form here.

No Need for Approval?

Why Do We Seek Approval?

Most of us are looking to fit in, to be accepted and approved of, aren’t we? The ways in which we seek this are many. And it begs the question: Why?

Even the supposed ‘outsiders’ are seeking approval from others; still belonging to a group, even when looking to be different. They just become members of a group of ‘different’ people. A true outsider, without any need for approval, would be considered alien. A true outsider – who walked amongst us – wouldn’t actually be human.

Coming back to the question of why, once asked, we can easily see that approval is important to us because of our ego driven lives. You only need look at modern TV shows to see striking evidence of the popularity of ego driven approval. Consider Master Chef or similar cooking programs. Once the cook has presented their food to the judges for tasting, we then go through the rigmarole of their food either being praised, or criticised. We love it when the judges praise and praise the beautiful tastes and exquisite blends of flavours don’t we? Oh do they feed or slam the ego’s of those people! It’s sometimes painful to watch. It is addictive programming though.

Approval gives us a good feeling. We feel included and well… approved of!

This ‘feel-good-factor’ does hark back to childhood when we had parents, carers and teachers, tell us how good we were a particular thing; congratulated for creating or sharing, and sometimes for how well we knocked something down, only so we could build it up again. We felt loved and included when we were approved of.

Some will seek this approval all their lives, however, for most, it tends to diminish with age. As we grow older, we become increasingly confident; ever more self-assured. In a way, it’s another one of those things that separates the young, from the old. The young often compensate for this with bravado, arrogance and simple pretence.

When we begin to lose the need for approval our individualism really starts to take hold

Speeding up this process obviously has its advantages. Recognising and understanding approval – as the ego’s need to feel loved and accepted – helps us with this. One thing it’s important to bear in mind though, if we don’t seek the approval of others, our food might actually taste really bad!

Cook musician, writer or gangster, when seeking feedback, for how well you’ve done, it need only be about inclusion. We don’t need to bolster the ego, in such a way it makes the observer cringe, with embarrassment. Save your arrogance and bravado too. If your food – or whatever you do – isn’t up to standard, people will simply not love it enough, to return for more. All the judges need say is: “I love it, can I have some more please?”

Want some more? Contact Us.

Reaching for Ideals

Ideal:

noun

  1. a conception of something in its perfection.
  2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
  3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception, or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.

Should we seek the ideal? Is being an idealist different to being a perfectionist? The English dictionary defines the idealist as this:

  • Someone who believes that very good things can be achieved often when this does not seem likely to others.

We’re told that perfectionism is a negative

We’re told that wanting perfection, and only settling for this, is something to be avoided. If we believe there’s no such thing as perfect, yet at the same time seek it, we’re certainly going to be wasting a lot of energy.

Alternatively, when we understand perfection – as simply an ideal to strive for – we’re able to achieve our best in any given moment of time. Our efforts may not have been perfect, yet we can be comfortable in the knowledge, we did our best. In this respect we must have a ‘benchmark’ to reach for. There must always be a gold standard.

So whether we like it or not, perfection, is always going to be something strived for. The perfect body, the perfect house, life, car, job, child, marriage, we could go on. The downside of this, will be the negative feelings we’re left with, when we inevitably fall short. We’ll feel frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled when we fail to reach perfection. Eventually we may give up altogether.

With this in mind, only reaching for the ideal, is the objective

Being the best we can be without achieving perfection is the plan. After all, to be perfect would leave us with nowhere else to go; a very dangerous situation indeed. And so in this respect, it’s very sensible for us to see perfection, as unachievable. Thankfully there will always be better to strive for. Seeing this for what it is, gives us room to work harder, even when we know we’ve done our very best.

It’s the knowledge that there is always more that keeps humans striving to move forward. We can always do better. There is always more. A very reassuring fact. This brings me on to the key understanding we must strive for.

At The Freedman College we believe it makes perfect sense for us to be striving for a better understanding of one key element in our lives.

“When we focus our attention on this one key element all other things are found”

If we come back to the examples given of what we seek perfection in for a moment (be it lives, bodies, marriages or houses), all of these things are easily achieved, when we have a clear understanding of this key element. Here it is: The Ideal of Love.

Once we cease – in our misunderstandings and misinterpretations of love – we will stop striving for an unachievable ideal. Because we’re confused about love, we don’t actually know, what we are in fact striving for. For example, we’re told that love is many things. The nonsense of this definition is the very thing causing confusion. If we don’t even know what it is, how can we strive to find it?

When young we often think we’re in love

We confuse the feelings we may have for someone as love. We may feel that we need someone, or that we feel lost without them; that we pander for them, or pine for their attention. We mistake lust and infatuation for love. We must make ourselves aware: Emotions of craving have nothing to do with love. Further to this, we mistake many aspects of fear, for love. We think because we fear losing them that we must love them. Fear of loss is fear of pain. Love is completely devoid of this.

We really only need ask ourselves one thing to know whether we’re in love or not. Here it is: Do I want to empower this person? The true emotion of love is something we’re awarded when we witness the freedom of our loved ones. Anything other than this will never be love and only a poor imitation and illusion of it. 

“To know if our version of love is reciprocal, all we need do, is turn the question around like this: Is this person empowering me?”  

At this stage be sure to have a clear understanding of the word empower. It is not empowerment to need a person and neither is it empowerment to give yourself up to another. Empowerment is when we’re able to lift a person to be a free individual standing on their own two feet who is the best version of themselves they can possibly be at that moment in time.

At the same time – as your empowerment of them – this power sets you free. The more people who have a clear understanding of this the better.

Here is the definition of an ideal love that we believe to be A Basic Human Right:

“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”

Create Beautiful Partnerships

Wholeness is a calm acceptance of this version of love and that of yourself as a near perfect example of a human being.

Strive for this ideal and all other things will come.

Who or What is God?

Who or What is God?

We can never know the answer to that question

The thing about God is we can neither prove nor disprove His existence. You might think this convenient for those who believe in Him. Perhaps you’d be right with that. For those who do believe in God The Creator, all they need do, is look around and see proof of His existence, everywhere. The belief is sufficient for them to totally negate the realities of evolutionary processes.

And then we have the dilemma of who started that process. Who’s to say it wasn’t God, who planted that first seed, triggering what resulted from a few amino acids, some billions of years ago. To some it’s simply a game of numbers: enough suns with exoplanets, mixed with a lot of heat, chemicals etc., and eventually you’ll get life. But who’s to say it wasn’t a being of higher consciousness, that created the gases and chemicals, that made all the suns to begin with. We could go on forever with that argument, couldn’t we?

The Believers

At the end of the day beliefs are all it comes down to. Beliefs will always be blind to evidence for or against. Think of the web of beliefs, relating to God or Gods, that have been created by man. Over thousands of years they’ve been constructed as a means of explaining the unexplainable: who we are, why we’re here and so on.

“Beliefs are a means of explaining but also a means of shifting responsibility. A means of empowering some, and at the same time, disempowering others”

Think of those who believe that God is in some way responsible for their suffering. They say: “I’m suffering and this is God’s will.” In other words they’re saying: “I have no choice.” To believe that a higher force has control over what happens to us during our lives, is defeatist for some, and empowering for others. Those who are in control of the rules, the religious leaders, live off the back of these kinds of beliefs. It’s useful, for these particular human beings, for their subjects to feel they have no choice; that it’s God’s will no matter what’s happening to them.

On the positives of beliefs in God

Think of those who believe they are in some way chosen; that their good fortune can be attributed to the grace of God. Such people have been hated all through history. To make such a claim no doubt causes the claimant to stick out somewhat. A bit like the proverbial sore thumb hit with a hammer wouldn’t you say? They feel they’re looked on favourably by God. The advantage to this is, if you actually believe it, then you will be. Your mind has reason to believe that you will have a blessed and fortunate life. It is God’s will that you should prosper. Perhaps we should all have some of that!

Just yesterday I became engaged in conversation with a fellow blogger. Obviously a very intelligent young man who, even after some well placed argument, still insisted that God is responsible for suffering. I told him how I understood suffering to be a choice. How suffering has been devised by man for the control of other men.

For example, if we lock a man in a cell, and because isolation is against the instincts of man, he will suffer. However, if he trains his mind sufficiently, he can actually adjust to his isolation. He can begin to accept and potentially even enjoy it. But until this is the case, he’s at the mercy of his captors; totally under their control. Ask yourself this: Is a homeless man, who has adjusted to life on the streets, free or as trapped as we are? The average man has many, many chains, to bind him.

It is always a choice as to whether we suffer or not.

To my fellow blogger I also mentioned the flip side of all this. How those who suffer are teaching guilt. How they’re telling the rest of us: “I am suffering, so you must help me.” Their suffering is buying them something. It’s getting them a level of control over the people who surround them. Much in the same way a child will gain attention from its carers when in pain.

The child will learn that pain gets attention. Occasionally such a child will grow to adopt the “I’m suffering” angle as an adult. They do this in order to gain the illusion of power over others. To gain power over a system. It is of course a nonsense and an illusion; a fragile one at that. What the sufferer doesn’t realise is, their choice to behave in such a way, is to behave as a child all their life; so very wasteful wouldn’t you say? To waste a life. To then claim, their suffering is God’s will, is just another means of not taking personal responsibility. “It’s not my fault” they say.

I told my fellow blogger the tale of man I once new whose wife had died unexpectedly young. All this widowed man did was mope and moan. He suffered for years in his grief. I told him about choice and he shouted: “Oh, so I chose for my wife to die?!” I said: ‘No but you are choosing to maintain your suffering.’ He didn’t thank me, that’s for sure, and yet probably changed at a later date.

A Childish Concept

When we take a step back and consider the kind of things said, relating to God, we can see them as a construct from the childish human mind. The idea of prayer. An afterlife (there is one of sorts, think of the lifespan of an atom, it’s a very, very long time). Virgin births without medical explanation; that our destiny is out of our hands. Remember, many of these beliefs only suit those in power. Religions keep us in our place. Religions keep us powerless and subservient to the antiquated beliefs, that are serving to maintain the easy lives, of the powerful. Royalty and religious leaders live of the back of our continued ignorance.

“All in all, to think we can have any idea – of the what and who of God – is an absurdity”

Staying with childish thoughts for a moment. If there was a higher being, able to create the universe and everything within it, how could we, with our level of consciousness, ever possibly understand this. With our minds, as they currently are, we can only just touch on the realities of what surrounds us. We are simply not conscious enough to properly conceive of a consciousness that could create all that we see. At the present time we can only guess, with our childish notions, of what this is really all about.

One thing we can conceive of is time. We have a small sense of its passing. The universe is old, very old, and it’s true to say, a lot can be achieved if you have enough time. Perhaps that’s all we’re really dealing with. After all, there are very good odds of extraordinary things happening, when given enough time. Time is all we have. Be the master of your own destiny. Contact Us.

Philosophers and Game Changers

“There have been many Philosophers over the years who’ve cited that everything is simply a game. In some respects this can be useful, and in others, not so”

One advantage to seeing the behaviour of others as gameplay is that we’re able to think strategically. That is to say, we not only seek out a means of playing the game on their terms, we also look to play this game, to win.

“All of this changes though, when the game becomes abusive. Just as with a game of football, when things become abusive, red cards are shown, and players sent off”

If we intend, on seeing the actions of others as simply a game, we must know when to draw the line. In other words, when the gameplay becomes abusive, it’s time to show your opponent the red card. It’s time to cast them from your life.

Perhaps casting someone from your life isn’t practical, they might be a work colleague for example, so when this is the case, seeking out new employment might be necessary. If this isn’t an option there’s always murder. It must be brought to mind though, there aren’t many who get away with this. Unless you’re a government representative, or a member of some other untouchable organisation (of which there are many), murder is probably best avoided.

“So when murder or new employment aren’t options, firm boundaries and as much silence as is practicable, are a potential solution”

In an earlier post entitled How To Defend The Empath I spoke of the necessity of becoming emotionally detached. Manipulative game players are only able to get under our skin, so to speak, through tapping into our emotions. Developing thicker skins, and not being drawn into emotionally abusive gameplay, is key. Learning how to do this can take time. However, just as other Philosophers will tell you, time, is in fact, all we have.

When you feel so inclined be free to take some time and explore the many posts on this site. I hope you find the inspiration to move forward in your life. If time is of great value to you, remember there is always the option of experiencing us – The Freedman College team – first hand. Until we meet. Thanks for giving the only thing you have.

Andrew Freedman א

Human Beings

“Are we doing what we do because we like human beings? Sometimes we think: what is there to like?”

If we were an advanced form of robot, like those depicted in the video, would there be much to like about a biological lifeform such as humans? I ask this because of the brutality of biology. When we take a step back and consider all that biological life entails – and how we seem to manage and make our way through it – it does beg the question: how? How do we cope with knowing what we do about inequality, suffering and pain? How do we cope with being conscious of these things. How do we cope with knowing the true vile nature of humans.

Some say we cope, being conscious of life, by going slowly insane. Others say we cope with the horrors mother nature inflicts on us, through being far less conscious, than we think we actually are. If mothers, didn’t forget the brutality of natural birth, for example, they’d never have more babies. If potential mothers were truly aware of the brutality of childbirth would they ever have children at all? Of course they would. Instinct is far more powerful than consciousness.

In contrast to this, when our consciousness becomes more powerful than instinct, we have far more choices and options. The question is though, how many of us actually have a consciousness more powerful than our instilled instincts? I would hasten to say, not many at all.

“What we do have, is varying degrees of consciousness, and it’s this that decides the level of control, we have over our destiny”

Coming back to my initial thoughts: are we doing what we do because we like humans? The immediate answer is what we’re taught to believe i.e. if you don’t love yourself you can’t possibly love another. So what happens if you love yourself but still struggle to see the love and goodness in other humans? Should you look to instil love, as you understand it, in others, or just give up on them?

The thinking could be that we can’t wait for humans to lose their biological form, and all the negatives of human nature that comes with it: the vile gameplay that comes with inadequacy and fear – as just one example. At times, we all despair and think:

“Why would I want such a lifeform to make it further than they have? Why would I want such a destructive and harmful creature to survive? Other things will evolve.”

But who’s to say the next lifeform to evolve, into gaining consciousness, will be any less vile/violent than us? The chances are, any lifeform that does manage to better us, would be even worse. Think about the nature of all life on earth, how everything is feeding of everything else. It’s a violent place.

“Ultimate, we must remember, the antidotes to these thoughts, are to understand the violent nature of the universe itself”

Humans are a product of this. As such, perhaps it’s reaching a stage, where we’re able to tame ourselves sufficiently – through raising our awareness – that’ll facilitate the kind of programming advanced robots will require.

For the human animal, to evolve beyond its current biological form, it will obviously need to advance its thinking. AI robots programmed with current human behaviour and thinking, are likely to be just as conflicted and doomed, as we are. We do need to advance much further in our current form.

With this in mind, perhaps what’s important, is to keep the end goal in sight. In other words, it’s not the current humans that matter, it’s what they might become that does. With your help that is. Contact Us.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

How to be Extraordinary

“On reading the title of this post you might instantly assume it’ll be about all those marvellous people who achieve wondrous things”

From the world’s greatest sportspeople, to the those who’ve made groundbreaking discoveries, we know all about extraordinary. This post is not about any of them. It’s not about needing to practice something for hours, days and years, to become great. It’s not about the supper intelligence needed to understand the universe, no, none of those things. What it’s about, is how, in just a moment, you can become extraordinary. In a moment of thought to be exact.

Now, I wonder if you’ve ever taken a moment to look at reviews; book reviews in particular. Perhaps a silly question because we all do it don’t we? We buy through the power of approval. The more people approve of something the more likely we’ll buy it. If it’s buying from Amazon we scroll down to check out the reviews. If we’re buying off the shelf, we instantly turn the book over to read the blurb, and we open the cover to seek out the forward and reviews. We actually need this approval to help make our minds up. In fact, it’s often the case, that others make up our minds for us.

And so what I want to talk about is the people who write these reviews. I find it curious. How is it they feel the need to try and either bolster or shatter the ego of authors? How is it these people think they’re sufficiently qualified to give they’re opinions and judgements? What exactly do they think they know?

“The point being, in order to become extraordinary, we must abstain from giving opinion and judgement”

Allow me to explain.

Often when we give an opinion we do it unthinkingly. We’re not actually asking ourselves why we’re doing what we are. We’re not asking: What is the purpose of my words and actions? When we can understand, that our opinion is worthless, we understand something great. In the process we become extraordinary. Allow me to explain further.

Think of this. What if every book review stated this and this alone:

“I’ve read it now make your own mind up”

One thing’s for sure, we’re more likely to buy a book that had fifty statements, than one that had three. We obviously buy from the power of numbers. Does this go some way to explaining the worthlessness of opinion? It’s the numbers that matter, not the words.

“To become a truly extraordinary person, all you need do, is recognise an important fact”

When you’re one of the unthinking multitudes you’re nothing. Once you begin to ask yourself a few fundamental, simple questions, you become a true individual. In reality, there aren’t that many truly individual people about. As such, there’s lots of opportunity out there! Becoming extraordinary is the easiest thing in the world when you think of it. Here are those questions mentioned:

  1. What is my true purpose?
  2. Is what I’m about to say or do based on love or fear?

Before the second question finds its power, you will need to understand and recognise the difference between the motivation of love, or fear respectively. Try this one for example. ALL Amazon reviews, are based on fear. “What?!” I hear you say.

Here’s a clue. Writing a good review is driven by a need to bolster the authors ego through bolstering your own. You want people to read and value what you have to say about a good author. You’re doing it off the back of someone else’s work. That is fear driven. The (seeming) opposite of writing a bad review, is the need to damage the ego of the author, and bolster your own in the process. Also fear driven.

“Keeping opinions to yourself is driven by love because you’re allowing the potential readers to be individuals themselves”

When what you do and say is based on love the more considerate and extraordinary you’ll become. Through thinking and asking just two questions – then searching deeply – you’ll become extraordinary in an instant. Furthermore you could become a beautiful person, and that, is extraordinary!

You Only Have What You Give

Consider the warnings on cigarette packaging. If you glance inside a well stocked tobacco products cabinet nowadays, it’s like viewing a scene from a poor horror movie, or paying a visit to a very distressing hospital ward or mortuary. The question is, does this put smokers off? It might have an impact on those who don’t smoke, yet those who already have the habit, aren’t likely to care. They already play the ‘lung cancer lottery’ and many seem happy to do so. The advice on cigarette packaging is largely ignored.

“In some ways this has a lot to do with how the advice is dispensed”

Scare tactics might work for some, at least for a while, yet during my time as a Hypnotherapist, it was positive reinforcement, of the benefits to ceasing smoking, that seemed to hit the mark. In my experience, all aversion therapy tends to do, is reinforce the guilt potentially driving the habit in the first place. With that in mind, what are the horrors – portrayed on tobacco product packaging – doing to the observer, at an unconscious level? Guilt is self-destructive.

“Getting rid of guilt is a tricky business”

It’s an emotion instilled into the mind of the average human from a very early age. If we advise parents to show caution, in how they teach the kids, we must do this through reinforcing the benefits to well considered methods. The guilt free tend to live happier, healthier lives after all. And so, when needing to set boundaries, do we reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad? Not really, no. What we must do, is find a way to help children realise the benefits to good behaviour, and the limitations of bad. If we shout: “stop that it’s naughty” we teach guilt. If we ignore the bad but gently say: “if you share your toys with Johnny he’ll play nicely with you” we’re more likely to be on a winner.

In an ideal world, the key, is to never instill guilt to begin with. When it comes to removing established guilt, far better to say: “You have nothing to fear as you seek a beautiful, healthy life, as a non-smoker.”

In addition to how advice is dispensed, the reason for why it’s so often ignored, often comes down to disbelief. We just don’t believe the way someone else does things, could be better, than the way we’ve been taught. Also, it’s the confident and self-assured, who’re better at acknowledging the usefulness of clever advice. Contrary to this if we have a fragile ego, combined with a lack of confidence, advice can be seen as an attack and threat to an already shaky sense of self. Our behaviour becomes our identity, and to question that, questions who we are? An instilled doubt many can’t cope with. Who are you exactly?

“If we say who you are is actually something quite different to what you’ve been taught to believe, we put in doubt those things we hold dear: our identity”

When the guilty, fully realise how guilt is a destructive control-rod over their lives, they often turn things around. Gentle advice comes from a voice of compassion and love as opposed to fear and control. If you’re in the business, of advising people how to live better lives, remember it’s the guilty who teach guilt in the first place.

“Removing our own guilt is done through advising in a guilt free manner”

To be whiter than white is impossible, we learn from our mistakes. However, how we feel about the things we’ve done, is a choice. We must question what purpose feeling guilty about past errors actually serves.

Sometimes it’s serves us well to have an awareness of the past before we can move forward. If all we do is lock away negative feelings they’ll drive us in negative ways. Briefly opening up those wounds, and moments of regret, reminds us of who taught us the guilt. Was it a parent from within your own mind? Be a better parent to yourself and reinforce the good. Gently closing the wound now, having removed the irritant, from under the skin.

Some advice is designed to free the person giving it. After all, we only have, what we give. Be free.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

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How to Adore the Company of Children

“Let’s be honest, it doesn’t come naturally to all of us”

And even though we might not particularly enjoy children we may find ourselves with them. With this in mind, it is possible to learn how to adore them. You were one yourself after all.

I’m going to ask you some important questions now: Were you liked as a child? Did you get a sense of being loved? Did you feel the adults around you enjoyed your company?

These are interesting questions because it’s surprising how many children there are, who’s parents or carers, don’t particularly enjoy their company. In fact it’s often those parents who have made their children ‘mates’ that enjoy their company the most. The problem being, children need adults to be parents, not mates.

Mates don’t set boundaries, or teach children how to behave once mature. As adults we’re not actually here to make friends with our children, we’re here to raise them and set good example of how to be grown. There’s a big difference between mates and parents. If you need children to be your friends perhaps you should consider getting out more.

“So, even though we know appropriate boundaries dictate that children’s mates are other children, we can still adore their company as their parents or carers”

Children are extremely sensitive and will know if we’re enjoying being around them (as parents and carers) or not. In fact, when we get to the nitty-gritty of the situation, people who don’t enjoy children were often the ones not appreciated when they were small. Many of us have been taught to actually dislike our young through being disliked when young ourselves.

I myself was disliked. Children often find it hard to get the love and attention they crave from their parents. Bad behaviour is often resorted to when good behaviour just gets us ignored. As a means of getting attention from my parents, I’d often be very pessimistic and down, complaining about anything and everything. My father would call me ‘pessimistic Percy’ and yet I didn’t mind that so much; at least I was getting through, in some capacity. Getting on his nerves got me attention. Albeit the negative kind. As children that’s all we want and need: Our parents or carers love and attention. Hard for some to digest is it not?

“Rather a packet of crisps and something sugary while we drink our gin and tonic hey? Fucked up isn’t it?”

Here’s the key. To adore our children we must learn to enjoy their company. We must learn to enjoy their inquisitiveness; their seriousness at play; their beauty and innocence. When we acknowledge good behaviour we’re able to appreciate them at their very best: attentive to us and our positive love. To do this, we must learn to love the child within ourselves that wasn’t. Sound simple? It is.

You can learn more on an educational workshop. Here is the application form. See you soon.

Knowing The Self – What There Is To Gain

I feel this has a lot to do with confidence. This is to say, the better we know ourselves, in terms of what we like, dislike our drivings and shortcomings, the more self-assured we become.

“Self-assured is having the confidence to communicate what we want (or don’t want) in clear and exact terms to those around us”

In my last post, I indirectly spoke of how important it is, to discontinue the habit of suffering fools gladly. Contrary to what’s stated here, it can never be wise, to suffer fools gladly. The negative influences of fools, are so far reaching, it will always be far, far better, to remove yourself from their lives completely.  

If we’re tired of someone’s conversation, or company for that matter, we must be prepared to acknowledge this to ourselves. Once we do, we’re then much better equipped to find gentle, yet assertive ways, of getting what we want.

“What we want could simply be freedom from the negative influences of other people”

For the majority of our lives many of us find it difficult to assert our true wants. We tolerate the behaviour of others – even though it keeps us frustrated, annoyed and potentially stuck – simply because of fear. The fear we might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Also, our outdated need to be liked and approved of by others, is so great, it only adds to our unnecessary, high tolerance, toward them. Even though we know their behaviour is inappropriate or backward we continue to tolerated it.

And so, the ability to free ourselves – using the game highlighted here – requires a high degree of confidence and self-assurance. Confidence, combined with self-assurance, lowers our tolerance threshold toward idiots. Knowing ourselves better, so we may update our thinking, empowers us to get our wants and needs met.

“Eventually there comes a point when the pressure valve blows, far better to assert our wants and needs, now”

Once we understand ourselves better, we gain the confidence to become self-assured enough to get our true wants and needs met. Tolerating the backward inhibiting nature of others ceases once we begin to assert ourselves.

With all this in mind, it is important to be aware, of an important fact: It is impossible to embark on a journey of self-discovery alone. When embarking on this path, we always, always require, the assistance of others, .

So join us. We’re the people who’ve already taken this road, but have turned back, so we may help you find the love and beauty, rightfully deserved, in your life.

Enrolment, on a Personal Development Weekend Workshop, involves the simple process of completing the on-line application form here.