Slaves to Fighting – Enemies to Love

Slaves to Fighting - Enemies to Love

The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting

When we take a moment, to sit back and think about things, it’s easy to see where we’re going wrong. For example, how much of our time do we spend fighting? This can range from scrapping with the in-laws to fighting for our human rights. We may even have internal battles within ourselves.

Even the Invictus (Latin: unconquered) games are built on the rules of competition and fighting. The survivors of war, with missing limbs and so on, are given a new purpose and direction through the Invictus games. We can understand the thinking of the prince behind this, yet it was fighting, that put them there in the first place. Is it really the case, that the cure to their daily struggles, is more of the same?

The ideal, is for these soldiers to have never incurred injury to body and mind, in the first place. However, now that they have, how would it be, if we employed all of these survivors as diplomats, for peace? How would it be, if the cure was seen to be diplomacy, against fighting? How would it be if we better understood our internal battles?

How is it the case that we think the answer to our troubles is more of the same?

We put ‘troubled’ teenagers in the boxing ring. We talk about the importance of fighting for our rights. There are people fighting for change and there are those doing the same to halt it. What would happen if we just stopped?

It’s potentially the case that if we stopped getting angry and fighting to win, either for our rights or freedom, we would all become oppressed and controlled by other humans. There’s a good chance this would be the case. So how do we cure that problem?

Ultimately the answer must lie in unification. The problem we now have is the scrapping again. Everyone is fighting for individualism and what they believe is the right way. Everyone is fighting to protect their beliefs. What we’re failing to see is that individualism and beliefs are in fact something quite different to what most think they are.

The true individual will never exist

The reason I say this, is because until we’re able to completely remove ourselves from the influence of the beliefs of others, there will be no such thing, as the individual. Once you hold a belief, that’s also held by another, you’re no longer an individual. You become a slave to that belief. What’s needed is a belief that’s completely separate and devoid from all others. This, in itself, is impossible. One belief will always lead to another, otherwise, it would simply die. This is within the laws of physics: everything is connected, if not, it ceases to exist.

It’s only once we see the connections will we understand

Consider how things would be if we stopped the conflict and became unified. We become unified when we recognise the necessary connectedness of all things for them to function. For example, and as over simplified as it might seem, a despot leader, who is simply ignored, would cease to exist? If there’s no fear he would cease to exist. If no one had taken any notice of hitler, what would have happened? People listened because they were frightened and up for a fight. They wanted a leader they understood to be a fearless fighter. The truth was something very different.

Unification is brought about when we cease conflict and see our connectedness. We are all one    

Take the Saudi Arabian journalist Jamal Khashoggi as further example. He lost his life through conflict. If he’d just ignored the Saudi regime, and gone it alone, he’d still be alive today. If you don’t like what’s happening where you are move away. Leave and stay gone. Risking your life, for what you believe, is nonsensical. Now of course I’m likely being labelled a coward. In the eyes of a fighter I am. In the eyes of someone who loves their life I’m seen as sensible. 

The argument against all of this is that we’re all natural born fighters; that humans are at the top of the food chain because of this. We believe there’s a need for us to fight each other to get our needs and wants met. There is truth here, however, the year is 2018. Is it not time for us to get out of the playground and start acting like adults? Is it not children that fight?

Where are all the grown ups?

Being so bound up in our childish tit-for-tat mentality and our childish need for fairness (although now found to be innate) causes us to fight. Even though fighting for fairness has been found to be an innate driving, evolving beyond this, puts us in control without conflict. Enlightenment to our true selves stops the conflict. Knowing ourselves is key.

We can chose to ignore those who think they must fight for fairness. They have this mindset because they also hold it’s counterpart: unfairness (for no belief can survive alone). Fairness or equality is found when we have unification. The unified do have it all.

Believe you and I are one, through our shared humanity, and you will have it all

When we understand that we’re all one we have unification. When will we grow and peacefully unify against those who don’t understand this? When will we take ourselves out of slavery? When will we seek to rid ourselves of our internal torment? We have so much to reach for. So far to go.  

Easy Self-Discipline

Easy Self-discipline

Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing in the world

There are days, or is it just moments, where we think: what exactly is the point? What is it, this feeling, of not wanting people to bother with us? We don’t want them to talk to us or try to communicate with us on any level. We want to sleep, but can’t.

Is this just a down day? Of course it is, and yet, when there’s a part of us that felt so alive and enthusiastic for life yesterday, we can’t help wondering, what the hell has happened for all this to change?

Our mood and mental health changes from day to day

In fact, when we look closer, we can see that our mental health changes from moment to moment. It can take the slightest thing to change how we feel; for our mindset to alter. This could be something a person has said, or not said, for that matter. It could be the company we keep. Is it the influence of others deciding our mental stability?

It doesn’t matter, how impervious to the influence of others, we feel we’ve trained ourselves to become. People can still affect our moods and mindset. The alternative to this is being alone. It can be time alone that’s altering our mood. We can become withdrawn and inwardly focused, feeling like we’ve lost our motivation. How strange the mind is that it can alter, or be altered, so simply and inexplicably.

So here we come the issue of self-discipline

How can we keep ourselves on track and motivated when it seems our mind has different plans? This has a lot to do with understanding how we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted. What is it we’re doing to alter mood and mindset? What are we doing to alter our mental health?

When we look deeper, we will see, that to a greater extent than we realise, it is actually us that’s doing the changing. It is us that’s responsible for these seemingly inexplicable shifts.

Put yourself in the place of someone you believe to have immense stability, self-discipline, and determination

Take the racing driver Lewis Hamilton as example. What does this person have that enables him to be so consistently good? What does he have that makes him such an achiever? What is the secret to his consistency? It’s more than a good car that’s for sure. A winning car is only this way when driven by a passionate and winning driver. Not to mention his team; the people around him.

Self-discipline involves the matter of consistency and stability coming from within

In other words, we must keep ourselves aware of any inconsistencies within our patterns of thought, and behaviour. Take diet as a simple yet powerful example. We might think it okay to eat well and healthy one day, and the next, just pig-out on sugary and fatty junk foods. This might be a pattern of behaviour. It could well be a pattern that’s been allowed to build in strength for years and years; as such, it’s something we’re no longer fully conscious of.

If this type of eating were a followed pattern, it would be a prime example, of how we change moods from the inside out. We might now think that this is a chicken and the egg situation: that it’s the mood prompting the day of junk food or whatever. It is more likely though, that it’s simply a pattern – established many years ago – being acted out, over and over again. It’s this that’s changing mind. We are what we eat.

Take a moment now to think back to the consistency of our racing driver

During the racing season you can be sure Lewis Hamilton will be following strict routines. His patterns of thought and behaviour will be stable and consistently beneficial to winning races. He will have an awareness of this. So when it comes to self-discipline, it’s far easier to have this when we’re aware of what we might be doing, to alter our mindset from within. On a daily basis we must ask ourselves:

How am I making this harder for myself?

What am I doing that is in direct conflict with being consistent and stable?

Diet, thoughts and behaviour, have a lot more to do with conflict than we might first realise. If we’re to find stability and consistency, self-discipline, must extend to all aspects of our lives .

Important ingredients to success

Take a few more moments to imagine what kind of mindset our racing driver possess. Actually close your eyes and imagine. Imagine his exercise regime; his diet and the people around him. Consider his general lifestyle. With this, think about his moods, mindset and mental health. What place is he in psychologically? 

Apply this to yourself

Think of what changes and improvements to lifestyle, diet, thoughts and behaviour you must now make. The outcome will be a consistency and stability that begins from the inside out.

Along with thinking skills, one very important aspect of routine and self-discipline, is the ability to stop thought and just act. In other words, it’s our self-talk; our internal chatter, that can sometimes be the problem. By ceasing internal chatter – and just doing things routinely – we increase good habits and patterns of behaviour.

Often, all we need do, is simply stop thinking about it and act. As they saying goes: ‘The hardest part of going for a run is putting your trainers on.’ Discipline yourself and just do it.

Development in Spring

Spring Development

I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.  

It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.

During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.

To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.

The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.

Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.

This is where development comes into play

Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.

Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.

Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.

Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

The Shadow

The Shadow

I want you to imagine yourself walking down a dimly lit alley. It’s cold and damp, the streetlamps, are behind you. With that cold, halogen light behind, you’re casting a shadow in front. Your shadow is one step ahead, it would seem; it’s you that’s following it.

Of course, to place your shadow behind, the light needs to be coming from in front. Only then will it be behind you.

As you walk, the cold street lighting gets dimmer, and you notice a gentle warm light, up ahead. Stop for a moment, and look behind, there it is, that shadow of the past. Stationary, all is still, your shadow is waiting too.

Change though, and look forward with the light ahead. Move on, your shadow, trailing behind

Your shadow represents aspects of you that must be left behind. That unmotivated person, who drifts, undisciplined, with no direction or plan. It represents that part of you, that just lingers, and wastes the day. It doesn’t plan. It doesn’t make busy. It’s just maligned and lazy in a stew.

The shadow is that younger aspect of you. That part that liked the drama of conflict and heated emotions. That part of you that refuses to settle, commit and discipline yourself, constructive. It refuses the creative and new. The shadowy you refuses to plan, and fill the day with energy, and hew.

Look Ahead

Look around, the light is above you now. There’s no shadow to be seen. It’s time to say goodbye, to the shadowy past, there’s things for you to do. It’s that light of awareness striking you now. The awareness that you must plan each day, not laze it away.

Wise Fields

Discipline yourself to follow that plan. You’re no longer on a route dictated by the past. Following the same patterns from those before. Step out of the alley into that open space. Wise fields of glory expanding all around. No matter where you look, there’s no shadow in sight. Dead and gone, along with the past. Make a plan for you.

Right Now, No One Has Ever Hurt You – October 6th 2018

Hurt
Shit Happens

If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?

The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.

If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.

Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.

So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?

Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.

Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.

An Additional Aspect

Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?

When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.

The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.

Let’s make things a little more tricky

What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.

That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.

The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming

Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.

The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.

So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now. 

Your Mind’s Mind

Mind

The Power of Mind

We don’t really know what the mind is capable of. When we read about the great thinkers of the past, and experience those of the present, we’re certainly given a taste of its potential aren’t we? To a great extent, it’s us and our thinking, that proves to be the most influential gain – or limitation – on our minds potential. It’s how we think that makes the difference.

A powerful imagination has to be one of the greatest assets to thinking. We are bound or freed by what we’re capable of imagining. It’s said that if we’re capable of imagining it, some day, we’ll be able to achieve it. This philosophy is the epitome of how our minds can be both jailers and liberators. It’s only once we’re prepared to open our minds, through properly understanding them, do we find true freedom.

It will always be wise to encourage our children to develop their imaginations

Of course it’s what we encourage them to imagine that’s key. For example, it’s clearly understood that we become our most repetitive thoughts; for our most repetitive thoughts, are our beliefs. What does the child who witnesses domestic violence spend most of his time thinking about? Does he become a lover or a fighter? Incidentally, this violence can come in many forms, it’s never just physical.

The athlete that trains hard

but has negative, repetitive thoughts about her potential, will not gain the necessary beliefs to back-up her fitness. A positive mental attitude is the method we must use to build these useful beliefs. It works the same way in whatever we’re looking to achieve. Remember, our minds are both jailers and liberators, it’s entirely up to us, how we choose the thoughts that determine this.

Our minds have the power to heal us and the power to kill us

The problem we’re faced with, is there’s a part of the mind, that knows no difference between the two. It’s said that it’s the disease that cures us. Take depression as example. What is depression actually doing? The immediate answer will of course be – nothing. In fact, to suggest depression is doing something for us, will often be met with total incredulity. I can clearly hear the “how dare you’s!” out there somewhere right now. The thing is though, once we see mind as equally our jailer or liberator, we open up choices. It’s us doing it. Depression, as far as the unconscious mind is concerned, is an attempt to cure.

When we feel down, the mind can be just as equally keeping us from something, getting us something, or showing us something

If our mind sees change as a threat to our survival, then it will of course, look for ways to stop this. How keen are we on instigating change when we feel depressed? Not very I would suggest. In fact, when depressed, we don’t feel like doing much at all do we? So the question we must now ask is: Where did we learn to fear change? What was it that changed when we were young that made us afraid? We must make ourselves aware that change as children is frightening. Now though, we are grown.

Habit equals safe. Change was unsettling

The part of our mind that looks to protect us from danger, is constantly battling to keep the status quo. We might have plans that involve change and yet we become blighted by depression. In this instance the child-mind is protecting us from what we fear: change. We must gain the resources, and build sufficient confidence, to help us accept we’re safe now we’re grown.

If depression were to be showing us something

It could well be, that the feelings associated with this illness, are the minds way of bringing unfinished business to our attention. Just as equally, becoming depressed perhaps changes things around us, and gives us a feeling of control over our external environment. What better way to keep people attentive – or distant for that matter – than through becoming depressed? Was being quiet and sulky a useful way to gain mothers love?

All in all, understanding our mind, is to lean it’s power toward it becoming our liberator, rather than jailer. What we do understand is, the proper development of our powerful imaginations, will always prove beneficial. It is possible to imagine a better future where repetitive thoughts become the beliefs that free us. Grow.

Have you considered how a Personal Development Workshop could help you grow? Find your application form here.

An Easy Life?

Lottery Winner

Lottery Winner!

He sits on the balcony surveying his domain. He takes a sip from his glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape. As the sweetness of the wine touches his throat, he thinks about how shitty life was for him, before winning the lottery.

Earlier he’d been watching the Cycling Road World Championship in Austria, feeling dumbfounded. Six and a half hours of hard racing to culminate in a 28% mountain climb stated as being “worse than hell.” Absolutely extraordinary. None of that for him, he preferred, an easy life.

Into his second bottle of wine now he was feeling pleasantly drunk. He burped and felt the familiar acid reflux he’d become accustomed to. He’d also noticed his jeans had become a little tight around the waist of late, no problem, larger jeans would sort that. A quick swig of antacid medication, before the pizza delivery, would also be wise.

The Belief in The Lottery

If you play the lottery you might be a little surprised by the following revelation; yet you might also, be thankful. There are approximately 1,700 people killed on British roads each year. With there being approximately 31,000,000 registered UK cars, we can be reasonably assured, the chances of being killed whilst driving, are quite slim.

In the 23 years the lottery has been running it’s made 5,000 millionaires. During the same period of time, 39,100 people have lost their lives, in motoring related accidents. In the UK just over 31,000,000 people play the lottery every week. Put simply, if you believe in the lottery, it’s probably time to get off the roads.

Selling Illusions and Dreams

Selling illusions has become a very popular game. In fact we’re sold illusions by the bucket load every single day. Oh yes, bucket loads of nonsense, stuffed up us, in lots and lots of differing ways.

The selling power of the lottery is of course based on the erroneous belief money buys happiness. An illusion. It also works through the belief becoming rich is difficult. Some find becoming rich a byproduct of being happy! Have you ever wondered how?

Money is a great facilitator to experiences that might enhance life, but it will never buy happiness, per se. How we find happiness is a state of mind and a belief in itself. What to ponder here, is the paradoxical nature, of how playing the lottery, actually reduces happiness.

The Facts

Each week millions of people lose at the lottery. We could say playing the lottery is a losers game. The reality is, each week, people who believe money buys happiness, are spending what they can ill afford, on an illusion fuelled by dreams.

Twitter

I follow Richard Branson’s twitter account and noticed his most recent endeavour in this tweet. I can tell you for a fact, you don’t need to be a millionaire, to afford a bottle to piss in! Or for it to save your life. As Mr Branson will surly tell you, happiness lies in creativity, success, and living life to the full. Although, he’s also very good at selling the general public, what they believe in. Or perhaps that’s just the girl taking advantage. Here’s the story, make up your own mind.

Easy Life?

Suffice to say, stop spending money on illusions, and find happiness the easy way. If we do nothing about them, dreams remain in the world of fantasy. Live well and start climbing mountains. It’s the only real way to gain respect.

Erebus Memories

Erebus Memories

Ships and Explorers

Last night I attended a talk from the globe-trotting Monty Pythoner, Michael Palin. He’s currently doing the rounds promoting his new book Erebus (the story of a ship).

All very interesting and informative, especially if you’re interested, in the history of nautical exploration and sunken treasure. This post isn’t a review of Mr Palin’s book or talk, however, I would like it to act as a lead-in to the subject of exploration.

After last night’s history lesson, I’m in no doubt at all, about the bravery exhibited by the nautical explorers of past and present

Be it circumnavigating the world, climbing mountains or charting new territory, explorers are a certain breed. Individuals who are prepared to move out of their comfort zone, and into the unknown, set us all fabulous example. We could say they’re the epitome of the tenacious human spirit.

The vast majority of us don’t find our way into the history books

Most of us live out our lives occasionally making small triumphs – that may seem quite large to us – and we do our best to make a difference. In this sense we could say that from day-to-day, to a greater or lesser extent, we’re all explorers of life. Of course we are and sometimes we need to move into uncharted territory.

From a Personal Development perspective

The exploration, into uncharted territory, begins when we’re able to physically map out the links and connections, that make us who we are. The ability to see and understand, in plain sight, the processes involved in how our minds move from one belief to another, has proved to be an invaluable resource for early explorers. It enabled them to see how the mind restricts itself through its internal maps.

The  nautical explorers of the past, moved their ships beyond the edges, of the known

They moved beyond their maps and charts. For us to follow their example, means we’re able to break into new ground, and become greater then the sum of our parts. To become more than the sum of our beliefs. To be shown in clear and simple terms, how to move beyond the restrictions of our limiting beliefs, is unique.

Being the explorers that broke into new territory, came at great cost, to those of HMS Erebus. As can be seen though, due to the endeavours of those early explorers, we all benefit from their courage.

We’ve ‘come out of the dark’ as a result of their courage

The GOLD Counselling Methodology along with the Create Beautiful Partnerships philosophies are exclusive to The Freedman College and its associates. The first step, into your exploration and development, can be found here. Come out of the dark.

Standardisation

Standardisation

The only standardisation needed

We love our labels, categories and types don’t we? We believe we’re making things easier for ourselves by doing this. Are we not in some ways limiting ourselves though?

Seeking to fit people into type or category has an effect on our expectations. If for example, before meeting someone, you were told they had Autism, your expectations would seek out any ‘unusual’ characteristics they might display. You would label and categorise such a person in your mind. This would then influence and limit (depending on any fear or prejudices you might have) the outcome of any interaction with them.

The alternative, of remaining ignorant to any kind of label or type, means your experience – and therefore future outlook – of an Autistic person, would be entirely different.

It’s not unlike a person who’s been given an expectation relating to someone with a hearing impairment. The hearing impaired often face difficulties in how people interact with them. At times they feel insulted in how they’re spoken to. It’s the expectations and beliefs of others (the common misconception that deaf means stupid) that’s the driver here. This creates the vile outcome of being spoken to in a manner that’s suggestive of them having greater disability than they actually do. In fact, hearing difficulties tied to Autism, can mean quite the opposite.

*Hyper-vigilant or hyper-aware individuals can experience tinnitus and deafness that is in direct correlation to how stressed and aware they feel  

As an individual, who’s lived with hearing issues most of my life, I have actually experienced such a situation. To make matters worse I’ve often been abused and bullied by those who see disability as weakness. It’s fortunate I realise, those who seek out – what they believe to be a weakness – in order to feel powerful, are the kind of people I need not be bothered with.

It’s the standardisation that we all live with that creates these kind of prejudices

Be it racism, sexism or prejudice against the disabled, it’s the attempted standardisation of us all, that’s the cause. Sometimes children have a lot to teach us in regard to how they see through this. Children don’t see issues with disabilities race or gender, because they’ve yet to be infected with the beliefs and prejudices, of the adults around them. There is such a thing as a beautiful naivety.  

Indeed we are all different and so seeking to standardise people is a very limiting state of affairs. However, there is one thing I believe we must all be taught, as standard.

Self-love is a concept that needs to be a standardised understanding

When we’re able to truly love ourselves, because we’ve been taught how to do this from an early age, I believe much, if not most of our current mental health issues, would not arise in the first place.

Teaching a child how to love themselves, is a very easy process, provided the adults who care for them, understand it themselves

Self-love is the ability to put one’s own well being as a priority, but never at the expense of another. Personal responsibility must be fundamentally tied into our universal understanding of self-love. Another way to put this is through the concept of healthy-selfish.

Healthy-selfish is when we put ourselves first without guilt

Healthy-selfish is when we’re compassionate and loving toward our fellow man, only because it selfishly gives us pleasure, to do so. If we fail to gain pleasure, from being giving and loving to others, it’s because we’re mistaking self-centered, for selfish. Potentially we’ve yet to move on from self-centeredness if we expect others to fix our problems, love us, or take responsibility for us. Selfish and self-centered are two very different states. The latter belongs in childhood.

If we were to teach self-love – understanding it to be a prerequisite for a healthy mind – we’d have a far greater chance of removing all other types of standardisation. We’re on good solid foundations when we fully understand and possess self-love.

It’s important to realise, the aim of standardising this one thing, would be to raise human awareness. It’s teaching children adult prejudices and beliefs that reduces this.

*Proper rest is important for such an individual.

Fathers

Fathers

As religious beliefs collapse fathers will need to take a stronger role

Through my personal experience and view of the world, I see that religion, has often acted as a paternal parent. From Jesus to the prophet Muhammad, all have been placed, as father figures. It could be said this is no bad thing. Guiding father figures are obviously something young boys need. The problem lies in the fact, that these father figures from the past, have grown not just old, but outdated too. The teachings of the past are barely relevant to modern day thinking now.

We all know the best and most loved parents and grandparents are those that are wise and also up to date.

The unfortunate reality, is that much of the ancient guidance from the likes of Buddha, Muhammad and Jesus, has lost its appeal. More than ever, boys need fathers that are not only wise and up to date, but also present and alive.

It’s my opinion, that the current troubles and unrest of the world, will increase before an equilibrium is found. This equilibrium – or peaceful state – will be achieved when fathers begin to guide and love their sons as the Prophets of the past intended.

These Prophets had humanities best interests at heart

They believed they were guided by a force higher than themselves. Modern life has questioned the validity of these beliefs, and as such, religion – unless if evolves very quickly – will continue to fade away into the past. As it does fade, proper parenting, from mature and responsible fathers, will need to take its place.

What does, and will always remain relevant to this day, is the human capacity to love

It has never been the responsibility of fictional gods, or the words of religious leaders for that matter, to care for our children. It’s absent, irresponsible fathers, that have made it so. Fathers must learn how to love their sons and daughters in ways that set us all free. Once we’re able to universally agree on love as a natural aspect of human nature – by removing the confusion, bigotry and hypocrisy, taught by the religious – peace will be within our grasp.

Its experience, constant questioning, and an objective point of view, that has taught me the relevance and accuracy of this definition:

‘Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness’ – CBP

Following this ethos is to remove the clutter and confusion created by corrupted minds. The Chinese whispers of time, and the corruptive nature of power hungry men, has sought to weaken a force that time itself can never alter. The power of love.

Love, when found in its purest form, is beyond time and space. Find this, and peace is something you discover, from within yourself. Within, is the place where it all, begins.

Turn to Love

Turn to Love

The Children

There’s no denying fear is a very powerful force. Look at what’s happening in the world right now. Political games, war games, attempted murder, cold blooded murder, terrorism, and everything inbetween. The ability to separate ourselves from all this nonsense is a little like watching a board game from above. When there’s no fear within ourselves, we’re able to see the power games, being played out.

For it’s fear that drives the need for power

When we look at people through the eyes of mature love we’re able to do something very powerful. We’re able to see little boys and girls fighting for supremacy in the playground. These previously hidden children, we’re now clearly able to see, could be anybody. They might even be world leaders.

Losing the child within

It’s only possible to lose the child within, when the adults we must become, take control. Is it an adult who commits murder or is it the frightened child within? A true adult would never take a life. He would value his self too greatly. So what of the world leaders who sanction wars and assassinations? Are they frightened children too? Of course they are. The peaceful loving leaders are the adults. They seem quite thin on the ground right now.

Turning to Love

It could be said, that in order to turn to love, we need to be grown first. It could be said, that in order for a world leader to lose his fear and turn to love instead, he’d need to have been shown what it is to be grown. There is truth in that, however, I believe it’s a choice. He or she either continues to behave in an egotistical fearful manner, that belongs in childhood, or he turns to love. It is possible to find out what love is, and what its true power is, through research.

This information is available. So why don’t these world leaders look it up and set their people free? It’s potentially because they’ve become intoxicated by there own lust for power. A lust for control that’s become so powerful. Powerful, because it diminishes their fear. It diminishes their loneliness.

‘The reality of loneliness is a dislike of the self’ – CBP

The power of love helps us to accept some fundamental truths, like this one:

‘We are all alone, because it’s impossible for any other person to be part of our mind, body or soul. No-one will ever share the same thoughts, feelings or belief systems, in exactly the same way as another, this, is to be alone’ – CBP

Many frightened and controlling people are simply seeking to avoid this truth. They’re trying to cure the pain of their loneliness with power over others. Their power to instill fear in others diminishes their own. It’s only those who fully understand the implications of our aloneness that understand the power of love. They fully understand the need for love.

It’s love of ourselves that cures our loneliness

Nothing else will do

We need some leaders who get this. We need some leaders who can help us grow. Mature love supersedes fear every, single, time. Turn to love and the fear melts away.

Stop Asking: “Am I Happy?” and Start Asking: “Am I Fulfilled?”

Fulfilment

So says the philosophy

It’s interesting isn’t it? Can we be happy and not fulfilled? I think the fairly obvious answer is yes. We can of course be happy in our everyday activities. In fact, if we follow certain philosophies, we can be happy every moment of everyday, simply by being in the now moment. Doing everything mindfully, be it washing up to playing with the kids, if we do these things with our full attention, we can be happy. So says the philosophy.

What concerns me though, is how following this philosophy – and only asking if we’re presently happy – we might actually be missing something fundamental: Our deeper purpose.

From a personal perspective I’m the sort of person who can be very happy with routine. Breaking routine is something I often find difficult. It’s the predictability of routine that creates a kind of safety net. I’m not on my own with this. And so for myself and most others, it is important we open things up, by asking that second question in my title: ‘Am I fulfilled?’

“By asking this question we’re creating a void”

As you might know, the mind abhors a vacuum, and will always seek to fill it. We can use this principle in a constructive way when we understand it. As with asking the secondary question [Am I fulfilled?] we can also use it to help with the more mundane. Consider when we can’t remember someone’s name, or some other detail, and as soon as we consciously lose the search in our memories, our unconscious provides the answer. A name, or whatever it might be we’re searching for (keys, purse or wallet,) the answer just pops into our awareness. Magic.

So, even though we can be happy in the present moment now, be cautious with this, and always ask the secondary question: Am I fulfilled?

Happiness is a belief

Our beliefs in happiness will always be subjective. We believe we’re happy, but are we? In this moment now we are, and compared to someone who’s currently experiencing difficulties, we might also be. However, what about the happiness experienced by people who’re fulfilled?

Fulfilment

It could be that in order to feel fulfilled you’d need a family around you. You might not currently have this and as such seek it. Perhaps fulfilment for you would be finally reaching that metaphorical mountain top. Without seeking this fulfilment – be it in your career or some other goal – we might just wander aimlessly not really experiencing the full range of our emotions and potential experiences. If we’re not cautious, we can become trapped in moving from one moment to the next (believing we’re happy,) without actually achieving the greatness, we’re capable of.

We all have a valuable and useful legacy to leave behind. Ask your question now and consider how a Personal Development Workshop can help you find fulfilment.    

Be Yourself By Design

Ownership

The Wonder of It All

Sometimes I sit and ponder about the wonder of it all: the fact that I’m alive and conscious at this moment in history; at this moment in time. Just pondering on consciousness can while away hours. And how about our place in the universe? What about planet earth? A spinning globe sitting near a star we call the sun. A solar system on the arm of an indistinct galaxy. Itself a cluster of millions of stars that sits amongst billions of other galaxies, each with millions, if not billions of stars of their own. All of it moving; travelling; expanding and changing. How lucky we are.

Other times I realise the importance of not pondering too much and simply getting on with it. The importance of doing. Understanding the significance of our good fortune though, does make being here, a little more important.

When becoming involved with Personal Development it won’t take long for you to come across the expression ‘own yourself.’ I think the concept works well enough, especially if you’re a survivor, from a difficult past. A past where the adults around you took ownership of you through emotional and/or physical abuse. Amongst many other things, the effects of abuse, can be a detachment from the self. A sleepy lack of awareness. There can be a lack of identity or an inability to form a clear sense of direction. This is where design comes into play.

“The alternative to design is an aimless drift through life just following instinctive, unconscious drivings, or conditioning”

A man I know, who suffers from poor health, raised a flag for me today. He’s an overweight diabetic in his fifties. Circulation problems are the cause of his bad feet. His bad teeth are hardly worth a mention. With all these problems he continues to smoke, eat junk food (hence suffering with painful hemorrhoids,) and he drinks to excess. There’s no plan or design to his life, in fact, to me, it would seem his plan, is to die before his time. And to not die well either. He spoke to me this morning about having just returned from a holiday:

‘How was it?’ I enquired,

“It was alright I suppose, got pissed a lot, it was all inclusive.”

So much for sightseeing. But then again he can’t walk too far.

Tipping Point

I think about the tipping point. At what point did he decide to not do anything about his health? To me, it seems as if this individual, has decided to not change. That he’s decided the road he’s on has no turn offs or crossroads. What would it take for this lonely, unhealthy man, to wake up and make a plan to survive? Would a fascination, a curiosity for his good fortune, do the trick? Perhaps an appreciation of life? Is it ownership he needs?

“It can never be understated how important a design for life is”

If he’d made a plan to live well from an early age, are we able to imagine life working out differently, for unhealthy man? He’d probably tell you he did make a plan: “but it all went wrong!” Eldest son on drugs, ex-wife that hates him, crap job, very little money, no future. Even so, it’s never too late and I feel that if he took ownership, not just of himself, but of the good fortune life has offered him, he might live a little longer.

He could find the motivation to change. As far as the plan he might have made when young is concerned, well, it can go wrong if we don’t own ourselves to begin with. If we don’t own our mind.

Ownership

Owning ourself (our mind) can only happen once we know ourselves. If we have very little knowledge of the alternative, unconscious design, our minds may hold for us, it can be a little like trying to train a puppy, whilst he has greater interest in a juicy bone.

A real and tangible understanding of our mind, along with the effects non-ownership can have – and the role of others in this regard – empowers us to take charge.

Ownership

Design  

Sometimes there’s a need to design exactly who we want to be before we’re able to take ownership. Let’s face it, we’re more inclined to desire ownership of something that’s been lovingly designed, are we not? When we’re fully in control, of who draws the plans for this design, ownership becomes an easy consequence. Take charge, make a plan for 2019 that includes Personal Development. You can find your application form here

Simple Solutions

Solution

The Simplest Solution is The Most Likely to be True

A man goes to a doctors surgery complaining about a rash on his face. The first doctor diagnoses rosacea and prescribes antibiotics. After the drugs course has been completed the man returns to the surgery reporting no change. A second doctor now gives his opinion and diagnoses seborrheic dermatitis and prescribes gentle use of Nizoral shampoo on the face and head. Over a period of months the skin condition persists and never fully clears up. Eventually, the patient gives up on chemical treatments, and starts a regime of washing his face twice a day with soap and water. Within two weeks his skin condition has completely cleared.

At no point did anyone ask the patient how often he washes. The simplest solution is the most likely to be true.

We’re Often Taught to Seek Complicated Time Consuming Solutions

Venturing down rabbit holes and navigating complicated mazes might seem more interesting, and yet in the long term, it wastes time and energy. When we instantly jump to the cleverest, most costly, or most common solution, paradoxically, we might miss a beautiful truth, that saves time and resources. Over and over again it’s been proven that the simplest solution is always the best. Even though this is the case, we so easily allow this understanding, to give us the slip.

Over complicate

It is an unfortunate aspect of human nature that we over complicate and intellectualise things. This is a game of one-upmanship that has a lot to do with the ego’s need to boost itself. “Look at how complicated you are and confused you’ve become. Oh how clever it makes me look!” The thing is, simple is the true smart, and as such, it’s often the hardest to find.

Finding Simple

In order to efficiently find the easiest solutions we must change our thinking. We need to bring our thinking down a level. For example, it’s so easy to assume, that the emotional problems we inevitably encounter in life, are likely to have complicated causes. Problems never start off complicated. Every problem has a simple root cause.

Even though it’s us that’s creating our problems in the first place, we’re being conditioned to think, that they’re out of our personal control. Many professionals are overly keen to take our responsibilities out of our hands.

All we need do is understand the principle – of the root cause always being simple – and we take back our power

Once again we have an unfortunate aspect of human nature to blame. We each lust for power – relevant to the individual – and gaining power over each other, is one of our most treasured, and popular games. We obviously feel the need to place others in positions of power, and even though we seek to safeguard ourselves against their lust, these safeguards often fail us. Potentially the simple solution is to look within.

Solution

Looking Within

When we look within we’re asking our inner voice to guide us. We’re asking for the solution to be presented to us in it’s simplest form. For example, when we seek the solution from within (our inner voice) to any kind of unrest – be this self-harm or violence in our societies and prisons – we take back the responsibilities previously handed on to those in power. When we all take responsibility, we simplify the solution, and cure the problem.

Solution

Listen

With the above examples – be it face washing, self-harming or prison violence – the simple answer, is they’re all as a consequence, of neglect. Whether it’s visiting doctors, cutting arms or smashing prison cells, all are a call for attention. That attention is called love. This is the simple solution we’re all so willing to ignore; we’re neglecting ourselves; our inner voice. Stop the neglect. Be quiet. Ask your inner voice and listen. Love Yourself.

 

Tao Wisdom

Night/Day Tao Wisdom

Here’s a quote from ancient Tao wisdom:

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know. Close your mouth, block off your senses, blunt your sharpness, untie your knots, soften your glare, settle your dust. This is the primal identity. Be like the Tao. It can’t be approached or withdrawn from, benefited or harmed, honoured or brought into disgrace. It gives itself up continually. That is why it endures.” – Lao Tzu

Now initially, and to put it in descriptive, layman’s terms, I though this was utter bollocks! However, I have since given this some thought, and now realise it is in fact very clever, very clever indeed, and I’ll tell you why.

“It’s recently come to my understanding, that the only true way to influence people, is through example. It’s not what you say; it’s not what you write, it’s all about what you do.”

Tao Wisdom

What you do and how you act will ultimately be reflected on the inside. In other words, how you behave toward others, becomes your internal reality, as the behaviour of others, becomes a direct reflection of you.

Treat people unkindly and they will seemingly return this behaviour. This also works in the opposite direction. In other words, if your mind is full of conflict, confusion, anger and bitterness, ultimately, you will become an angry and bitter individual on the outside also.

And so with this in mind, let’s say you adopted the attitude of the Tao and simply pretended to be a calm, well adjusted individual. Would this mean that in time you’d become that very person? Well, you would if you knew how to ‘act’ in a calm and well adjusted, manner.

This is where the living by example comes into play. Living by example means you need not say anything, write anything or indeed strive for anything, other than what you are at root: a calm, loving and well adjusted individual.

Tao Wisdom

Believe it or not that is exactly what you are. The keywords used here are: “at root.” When we get to the root of who we are, we’ve cracked it, and the way to do this is to follow someone who sows this example. Simple.

“In actual fact, this is the true power of counselling and mentoring. The counselling-mentor need not tell you anything of themselves or advise you in any way whatsoever.”

Quite simply, the age old questions such as: “and how does that make you feel?” Or “what do you imagine would be the best solution?” are a cleverness we often overlook.

However infuriating it might seem, when the counselling-mentor simply reflects back your thoughts and words, so as to act as a sounding board, they’re following (albeit unknowingly) the ‘way of the Tao.’

Time, they say, is a great healer, and when it comes to the time it might take to discover peace of mind, and therefore understand what truly matters in life, through following simple example… well… what can I say? It could take a lifetime. Perhaps the real secret, is to have more than one. Who knows.

Life & Tao Wisdom

All in all, if you’ve been shown good example through your childhood or early adulthood, from those you love, it makes you a very lucky and fortunate individual indeed. If not, find someone whom you believe to have a beautiful life, and study how and what they do; follow their example.

You may think wealth, and all it brings, is the way to a beautiful life. You might have some people in mind you could model yourself on. If so, good luck. It’s my belief though, that it really doesn’t have much to do with money at all, it’s more about love. I see – we all see – that money is important, and we also see the importance of love.

Tao Wisdom

And so to break the rules of the Tao for a moment, I will share this small piece of wisdom with you, if I may:

“Love and money are a little like oil and water, they simply don’t mix. So, if you want a beautiful life, find some people to model yourself on, who have plenty of that magic ingredient called love, in theirs.” א 

When Your Best is Enough

Given Your Best

“How many of us reach a point where we know, with absolute certainty, that we’ve given our best and it’s good enough?”

The subject of doubt and uncertainty touched on here, directly opposes the feelings associated with knowing – without any doubt whatsoever – that we’ve done the best we can. The best we can with the skills and resources we have available.

We could now ask: if we had greater skill and resources could we do better? It’s certainly the case, at the very least, we would do things slightly differently given greater skills and resources, but does this amount to better?

“There must come a point when we see the product of our labour as being just what it is: enough”

Does a painter keep returning to their masterpiece over and over again? They may look to refine certain areas of their work; we know the masters of the past often repainted areas, in an attempt to improve matters, and yet there must be a point, even with works of art, where enough is enough.

“How do we reach this point of certainty? How do we actually manage to make the decision that something we’ve created is good enough?”

If we continue to question our work we eventually fail. What would happen if a surgeon became unsure, kept their patient anaesthetised, and went back to the wound again and again? Obviously, just as the disease did in the first place, the operation would begin to endanger the life of the subject. We must stop, and if the patient still doesn’t make it, we must be certain that we did our best or suffer ourselves.

Best Resources

So once again, how do we reach this crucial decision? Well, based on our area of expertise, it comes down to expectations built on beliefs. What do we believe our best looks, sounds, and feels like?

Can we use the example of Vincent van Gogh? What expectation did he have before he started painting The Sunflowers? It could be that genius has a lot to do with having no expectations and beliefs of what best is. That there was no before, in his mind.

Genius or not, the decision to stop painting, is simply that: a decision. And that is based on the need to end one thing, and move on to another; the need for change, and the opportunity to do things differently, rather than better.

What will your next project be?

Be Gentle with Yourself

Real

Some days we feel like interacting with people. We feel like smiling, engaging and conversing. Others day’s, we don’t. So what?

As touched on in a previous post, accepting the negatives, and just going with the flow, establishes us as a real person. People see us as genuine and human when we can easily say: “you know what? Today I just don’t feel like talking much.”

Striving for perfection, constantly looking for that next mountain to climb, can make us seem a little too ‘much.’ We must get real and acknowledge that shit does happen. In fact, the more we’re able to say and accept this, the sooner we move on from it. It’s the trying too hard, to be constantly upbeat and positive about life, that makes us seem a little contrived and false. Being a real human being makes us more acceptable to those around us. We ALL have off days.

It is okay to be imperfect.

Be imperfectly perfect.

You might not feel like exercising today; you might even feel like having a day where you eat and drink, doing everything and anything you want. This might include sitting on the sofa eating cake, and if it does, do it. Be free. You’re human and there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Some days it’s good to yield, and let go. Accept that you’re okay and give yourself a little breathing space. Today there is nothing wrong with feeling wrong. Wholeness, hasn’t anything to do with perfection or correctness, it has everything to do with the acceptance of you.

The Lack of Conversation

Conversation

Cut Through the Charade

We humans have devised many games. From card games and scrabble to those played out on the world stage, all thought up, as a means of entertaining the human mind. Our games are useful in many ways: entertainment and honing healthy competitive spirit, make just two examples.

“It could be said that the majority of human interaction is a form of gameplay”

We could take the average conversation between two men as example. A conversation might start off harmless enough but then easily develop into an ego driven pissing contest. Who’s got the biggest house, prettiest wife, most powerful, biggest means of transport, most money, best job etc., is quite often the theme of idle ‘chat’ between men. Gameplay.

This is exactly what could have happened to me last night if I’d of allowed it. A gentle hello could very easily have turned into a ‘who’s got the biggest cock’ contest. However, if you’ve no need or desire to get your cock out and start measuring, this sort of conversation is very easily cut short. Ego driven gameplay is often at the root of most conversations between homo sapiens (Latin: wise men).

“Ego driven conversation is often awkward and stilted – and mostly one way – especially when one of the participants is seeking to build self-esteem at the cost of another”

Most people are only talking to themselves and have very little interest in what you have to say. It often takes a lot of skill and determination to remain silent and allow ego driven gameplay to fizzle out. Eventually, everybody tires of talking to themselves. In fact, it’s only when we take a real interest in what someone has to say, does it stop being a game. 

“Surly it would be easier to get your cocks out and have a good look”

One other strategy would be to repeat back the very words someones using. Obviously not verbatim, but now and again, cleverly adding different inflection to their words. You could probably do this for some time until the dullard realises you’re taking the piss. Be warned though, they might get very angry and frustrated at your cruelty, bad manners, and offensive attitude.

A Beautiful Conversation

This type of conversation is rare, very rare indeed. It’s where there’s a common interest or theme and each person has a deep respect and appreciation for the opinions, passions and beliefs, of the other. It happens when your’re listening and being listened to.

If you’d like to learn and experience this kind of conversation you will need to meet us in person. You can find your application form here. I’m listening.