Philosophers and Game Changers

“There have been many Philosophers over the years who’ve cited that everything is simply a game. In some respects this can be useful, and in others, not so”

One advantage to seeing the behaviour of others as gameplay is that we’re able to think strategically. That is to say, we not only seek out a means of playing the game on their terms, we also look to play this game, to win.

“All of this changes though, when the game becomes abusive. Just as with a game of football, when things become abusive, red cards are shown, and players sent off”

If we intend, on seeing the actions of others as simply a game, we must know when to draw the line. In other words, when the gameplay becomes abusive, it’s time to show your opponent the red card. It’s time to cast them from your life.

Perhaps casting someone from your life isn’t practical, they might be a work colleague for example, so when this is the case, seeking out new employment might be necessary. If this isn’t an option there’s always murder. It must be brought to mind though, there aren’t many who get away with this. Unless you’re a government representative, or a member of some other untouchable organisation (of which there are many), murder is probably best avoided.

“So when murder or new employment aren’t options, firm boundaries and as much silence as is practicable, are a potential solution”

In an earlier post entitled How To Defend The Empath I spoke of the necessity of becoming emotionally detached. Manipulative game players are only able to get under our skin, so to speak, through tapping into our emotions. Developing thicker skins, and not being drawn into emotionally abusive gameplay, is key. Learning how to do this can take time. However, just as other Philosophers will tell you, time, is in fact, all we have.

When you feel so inclined be free to take some time and explore the many posts on this site. I hope you find the inspiration to move forward in your life. If time is of great value to you, remember there is always the option of experiencing us – The Freedman College team – first hand. Until we meet. Thanks for giving the only thing you have.

Andrew Freedman א

Human Beings

“Are we doing what we do because we like human beings? Sometimes we think: what is there to like?”

If we were an advanced form of robot, like those depicted in the video, would there be much to like about a biological lifeform such as humans? I ask this because of the brutality of biology. When we take a step back and consider all that biological life entails – and how we seem to manage and make our way through it – it does beg the question: how? How do we cope with knowing what we do about inequality, suffering and pain? How do we cope with being conscious of these things. How do we cope with knowing the true vile nature of humans.

Some say we cope, being conscious of life, by going slowly insane. Others say we cope with the horrors mother nature inflicts on us, through being far less conscious, than we think we actually are. If mothers, didn’t forget the brutality of natural birth, for example, they’d never have more babies. If potential mothers were truly aware of the brutality of childbirth would they ever have children at all? Of course they would. Instinct is far more powerful than consciousness.

In contrast to this, when our consciousness becomes more powerful than instinct, we have far more choices and options. The question is though, how many of us actually have a consciousness more powerful than our instilled instincts? I would hasten to say, not many at all.

“What we do have, is varying degrees of consciousness, and it’s this that decides the level of control, we have over our destiny”

Coming back to my initial thoughts: are we doing what we do because we like humans? The immediate answer is what we’re taught to believe i.e. if you don’t love yourself you can’t possibly love another. So what happens if you love yourself but still struggle to see the love and goodness in other humans? Should you look to instil love, as you understand it, in others, or just give up on them?

The thinking could be that we can’t wait for humans to lose their biological form, and all the negatives of human nature that comes with it: the vile gameplay that comes with inadequacy and fear – as just one example. At times, we all despair and think:

“Why would I want such a lifeform to make it further than they have? Why would I want such a destructive and harmful creature to survive? Other things will evolve.”

But who’s to say the next lifeform to evolve, into gaining consciousness, will be any less vile/violent than us? The chances are, any lifeform that does manage to better us, would be even worse. Think about the nature of all life on earth, how everything is feeding of everything else. It’s a violent place.

“Ultimate, we must remember, the antidotes to these thoughts, are to understand the violent nature of the universe itself”

Humans are a product of this. As such, perhaps it’s reaching a stage, where we’re able to tame ourselves sufficiently – through raising our awareness – that’ll facilitate the kind of programming advanced robots will require.

For the human animal, to evolve beyond its current biological form, it will obviously need to advance its thinking. AI robots programmed with current human behaviour and thinking, are likely to be just as conflicted and doomed, as we are. We do need to advance much further in our current form.

With this in mind, perhaps what’s important, is to keep the end goal in sight. In other words, it’s not the current humans that matter, it’s what they might become that does. With your help that is. Contact Us.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

How to be Extraordinary

“On reading the title of this post you might instantly assume it’ll be about all those marvellous people who achieve wondrous things”

From the world’s greatest sportspeople, to the those who’ve made groundbreaking discoveries, we know all about extraordinary. This post is not about any of them. It’s not about needing to practice something for hours, days and years, to become great. It’s not about the supper intelligence needed to understand the universe, no, none of those things. What it’s about, is how, in just a moment, you can become extraordinary. In a moment of thought to be exact.

Now, I wonder if you’ve ever taken a moment to look at reviews; book reviews in particular. Perhaps a silly question because we all do it don’t we? We buy through the power of approval. The more people approve of something the more likely we’ll buy it. If it’s buying from Amazon we scroll down to check out the reviews. If we’re buying off the shelf, we instantly turn the book over to read the blurb, and we open the cover to seek out the forward and reviews. We actually need this approval to help make our minds up. In fact, it’s often the case, that others make up our minds for us.

And so what I want to talk about is the people who write these reviews. I find it curious. How is it they feel the need to try and either bolster or shatter the ego of authors? How is it these people think they’re sufficiently qualified to give they’re opinions and judgements? What exactly do they think they know?

“The point being, in order to become extraordinary, we must abstain from giving opinion and judgement”

Allow me to explain.

Often when we give an opinion we do it unthinkingly. We’re not actually asking ourselves why we’re doing what we are. We’re not asking: What is the purpose of my words and actions? When we can understand, that our opinion is worthless, we understand something great. In the process we become extraordinary. Allow me to explain further.

Think of this. What if every book review stated this and this alone:

“I’ve read it now make your own mind up”

One thing’s for sure, we’re more likely to buy a book that had fifty statements, than one that had three. We obviously buy from the power of numbers. Does this go some way to explaining the worthlessness of opinion? It’s the numbers that matter, not the words.

“To become a truly extraordinary person, all you need do, is recognise an important fact”

When you’re one of the unthinking multitudes you’re nothing. Once you begin to ask yourself a few fundamental, simple questions, you become a true individual. In reality, there aren’t that many truly individual people about. As such, there’s lots of opportunity out there! Becoming extraordinary is the easiest thing in the world when you think of it. Here are those questions mentioned:

  1. What is my true purpose?
  2. Is what I’m about to say or do based on love or fear?

Before the second question finds its power, you will need to understand and recognise the difference between the motivation of love, or fear respectively. Try this one for example. ALL Amazon reviews, are based on fear. “What?!” I hear you say.

Here’s a clue. Writing a good review is driven by a need to bolster the authors ego through bolstering your own. You want people to read and value what you have to say about a good author. You’re doing it off the back of someone else’s work. That is fear driven. The (seeming) opposite of writing a bad review, is the need to damage the ego of the author, and bolster your own in the process. Also fear driven.

“Keeping opinions to yourself is driven by love because you’re allowing the potential readers to be individuals themselves”

When what you do and say is based on love the more considerate and extraordinary you’ll become. Through thinking and asking just two questions – then searching deeply – you’ll become extraordinary in an instant. Furthermore you could become a beautiful person, and that, is extraordinary!

You Only Have What You Give

Consider the warnings on cigarette packaging. If you glance inside a well stocked tobacco products cabinet nowadays, it’s like viewing a scene from a poor horror movie, or paying a visit to a very distressing hospital ward or mortuary. The question is, does this put smokers off? It might have an impact on those who don’t smoke, yet those who already have the habit, aren’t likely to care. They already play the ‘lung cancer lottery’ and many seem happy to do so. The advice on cigarette packaging is largely ignored.

“In some ways this has a lot to do with how the advice is dispensed”

Scare tactics might work for some, at least for a while, yet during my time as a Hypnotherapist, it was positive reinforcement, of the benefits to ceasing smoking, that seemed to hit the mark. In my experience, all aversion therapy tends to do, is reinforce the guilt potentially driving the habit in the first place. With that in mind, what are the horrors – portrayed on tobacco product packaging – doing to the observer, at an unconscious level? Guilt is self-destructive.

“Getting rid of guilt is a tricky business”

It’s an emotion instilled into the mind of the average human from a very early age. If we advise parents to show caution, in how they teach the kids, we must do this through reinforcing the benefits to well considered methods. The guilt free tend to live happier, healthier lives after all. And so, when needing to set boundaries, do we reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad? Not really, no. What we must do, is find a way to help children realise the benefits to good behaviour, and the limitations of bad. If we shout: “stop that it’s naughty” we teach guilt. If we ignore the bad but gently say: “if you share your toys with Johnny he’ll play nicely with you” we’re more likely to be on a winner.

In an ideal world, the key, is to never instill guilt to begin with. When it comes to removing established guilt, far better to say: “You have nothing to fear as you seek a beautiful, healthy life, as a non-smoker.”

In addition to how advice is dispensed, the reason for why it’s so often ignored, often comes down to disbelief. We just don’t believe the way someone else does things, could be better, than the way we’ve been taught. Also, it’s the confident and self-assured, who’re better at acknowledging the usefulness of clever advice. Contrary to this if we have a fragile ego, combined with a lack of confidence, advice can be seen as an attack and threat to an already shaky sense of self. Our behaviour becomes our identity, and to question that, questions who we are? An instilled doubt many can’t cope with. Who are you exactly?

“If we say who you are is actually something quite different to what you’ve been taught to believe, we put in doubt those things we hold dear: our identity”

When the guilty, fully realise how guilt is a destructive control-rod over their lives, they often turn things around. Gentle advice comes from a voice of compassion and love as opposed to fear and control. If you’re in the business, of advising people how to live better lives, remember it’s the guilty who teach guilt in the first place.

“Removing our own guilt is done through advising in a guilt free manner”

To be whiter than white is impossible, we learn from our mistakes. However, how we feel about the things we’ve done, is a choice. We must question what purpose feeling guilty about past errors actually serves.

Sometimes it’s serves us well to have an awareness of the past before we can move forward. If all we do is lock away negative feelings they’ll drive us in negative ways. Briefly opening up those wounds, and moments of regret, reminds us of who taught us the guilt. Was it a parent from within your own mind? Be a better parent to yourself and reinforce the good. Gently closing the wound now, having removed the irritant, from under the skin.

Some advice is designed to free the person giving it. After all, we only have, what we give. Be free.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

Want to learn more? Contact Us     

How to Adore the Company of Children

“Let’s be honest, it doesn’t come naturally to all of us”

And even though we might not particularly enjoy children we may find ourselves with them. With this in mind, it is possible to learn how to adore them. You were one yourself after all.

I’m going to ask you some important questions now: Were you liked as a child? Did you get a sense of being loved? Did you feel the adults around you enjoyed your company?

These are interesting questions because it’s surprising how many children there are, who’s parents or carers, don’t particularly enjoy their company. In fact it’s often those parents who have made their children ‘mates’ that enjoy their company the most. The problem being, children need adults to be parents, not mates.

Mates don’t set boundaries, or teach children how to behave once mature. As adults we’re not actually here to make friends with our children, we’re here to raise them and set good example of how to be grown. There’s a big difference between mates and parents. If you need children to be your friends perhaps you should consider getting out more.

“So, even though we know appropriate boundaries dictate that children’s mates are other children, we can still adore their company as their parents or carers”

Children are extremely sensitive and will know if we’re enjoying being around them (as parents and carers) or not. In fact, when we get to the nitty-gritty of the situation, people who don’t enjoy children were often the ones not appreciated when they were small. Many of us have been taught to actually dislike our young through being disliked when young ourselves.

I myself was disliked. Children often find it hard to get the love and attention they crave from their parents. Bad behaviour is often resorted to when good behaviour just gets us ignored. As a means of getting attention from my parents, I’d often be very pessimistic and down, complaining about anything and everything. My father would call me ‘pessimistic Percy’ and yet I didn’t mind that so much; at least I was getting through, in some capacity. Getting on his nerves got me attention. Albeit the negative kind. As children that’s all we want and need: Our parents or carers love and attention. Hard for some to digest is it not?

“Rather a packet of crisps and something sugary while we drink our gin and tonic hey? Fucked up isn’t it?”

Here’s the key. To adore our children we must learn to enjoy their company. We must learn to enjoy their inquisitiveness; their seriousness at play; their beauty and innocence. When we acknowledge good behaviour we’re able to appreciate them at their very best: attentive to us and our positive love. To do this, we must learn to love the child within ourselves that wasn’t. Sound simple? It is.

You can learn more on an educational workshop. Here is the application form. See you soon.

Knowing The Self – What There Is To Gain

I feel this has a lot to do with confidence. This is to say, the better we know ourselves, in terms of what we like, dislike our drivings and shortcomings, the more self-assured we become.

“Self-assured is having the confidence to communicate what we want (or don’t want) in clear and exact terms to those around us”

In my last post, I indirectly spoke of how important it is, to discontinue the habit of suffering fools gladly. Contrary to what’s stated here, it can never be wise, to suffer fools gladly. The negative influences of fools, are so far reaching, it will always be far, far better, to remove yourself from their lives completely.  

If we’re tired of someone’s conversation, or company for that matter, we must be prepared to acknowledge this to ourselves. Once we do, we’re then much better equipped to find gentle, yet assertive ways, of getting what we want.

“What we want could simply be freedom from the negative influences of other people”

For the majority of our lives many of us find it difficult to assert our true wants. We tolerate the behaviour of others – even though it keeps us frustrated, annoyed and potentially stuck – simply because of fear. The fear we might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Also, our outdated need to be liked and approved of by others, is so great, it only adds to our unnecessary, high tolerance, toward them. Even though we know their behaviour is inappropriate or backward we continue to tolerated it.

And so, the ability to free ourselves – using the game highlighted here – requires a high degree of confidence and self-assurance. Confidence, combined with self-assurance, lowers our tolerance threshold toward idiots. Knowing ourselves better, so we may update our thinking, empowers us to get our wants and needs met.

“Eventually there comes a point when the pressure valve blows, far better to assert our wants and needs, now”

Once we understand ourselves better, we gain the confidence to become self-assured enough to get our true wants and needs met. Tolerating the backward inhibiting nature of others ceases once we begin to assert ourselves.

With all this in mind, it is important to be aware, of an important fact: It is impossible to embark on a journey of self-discovery alone. When embarking on this path, we always, always require, the assistance of others, .

So join us. We’re the people who’ve already taken this road, but have turned back, so we may help you find the love and beauty, rightfully deserved, in your life.

Enrolment, on a Personal Development Weekend Workshop, involves the simple process of completing the on-line application form here.

The Clutterfuck Random Question Answer

If the everyday nonsense of people’s conversation or behaviour is beginning to test your sanity, try this game: The Clutterfuck Random Question Answer Game.

One example would be when someone has started to repeat themselves a lot. They may seem unaware that you’ve heard the same old bollocks time and time again and so a Clutterfuck will be necessary. Here’s an example:

“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” say’s the person next to you and your response is:

“As much as I’m interested in what you have to say, I do have a question for you. Are you ready?”

You may or may not have engaged your opponents attention at this point. If you have, all well and good, if not, you could insist by telling them how important the question is. Like this:

“I understand that you’re uninterested at the moment, however, the question is important enough for you to be interested.”

You’ll surely have them by now, so you can continue with the Clutterfuck. Here it is:

“What exactly is wrong with Wensleydale?” you ask.

Okay, hopefully you can see where we’re going with this? Your random question is designed to show them how insane you’ve been driven by their drivel. Your Clutterfuck is of course also drivel, and that’s the whole point. We can only hope their answer makes some sense so we can then begin the process of dragging the conversation onto something interesting. Like cheese for example.

So, in future whenever you’re faced with boring, childish, repetitive drivel and bollocks, remember the Clutterfuck Random Question Answer Game.

Just Visiting

“We’re all just passing through”

In those quieter moments it’s possible to gain a sense of proportion. Sitting in the company of a waterfall, for example, awards you an understanding of the continuous and unceasing, cyclic nature, of life. This waterfall has been here for thousands of years. It will be here long after you and I are gone.

I suppose it’s why, when visiting such a place, people leave little trinkets or etch their names on small stones to leave at the edge of the stream. They want to feel there’s a solid and permanent reminder of their visit; a part of them that’s still there long after they’ve gone. Do we all feel this way? Do you feel there needs to be something of yourself still here after you’ve left?

“The drive to have children must be attached to this need”

There’s no doubt something of ourselves left behind through our children. In an ideal world this spreading of our genes, as it were, extends to many other aspects of our lives. Many people think this way: that our creativity goes way beyond having children. To this extent, we even describe something we’ve created – a successful business for example – as ‘our baby.’ We say: “yes my business is my baby.”

So it is important for us to think in these terms. Everything we create, be it a new human being or a creation of a more enduring nature, we must see these things as the evidence of our existence. Our time here is so brief, that leaving something of ourselves behind, has always been important to us. With this in mind, what would you like to leave behind? Your name scratched onto a pebble by a stream? A ribbon tied to a tree? Another human who is also destined to die?

There is one important piece of evidence that goes way beyond the physical. Yes, it’s that simple thing that often seems to go unnoticed. It’s that simple, yet challenging example, of being the best we can be. It’s the example of being a beautiful human being.

“How many people are there in your life you could easily describe as beautiful? And you know I’m not talking about outward appearances here”

Think of the stream and how, if we go back to it’s origins, we will be led to even greater things: Glaciers, mountains, clouds and beyond that, the universe itself. It’s the examples of ourselves, we leave behind, that are the most enduring. Be the best version of yourself, and then teach others, how you achieved it.

How to Defend the Empath

“A modern term banded about nowadays is that of being an Empath. It’s really just a way of describing those who have a particularly overblown sensitivity to the mental or emotional state of another”

One of the main reasons for this sensitivity, I believe, comes as a result of the empath being very in touch with themselves. Those of us who have a good understanding of what it is to ‘know oneself’ do tend to display above average empathic abilities.

There is of course disadvantage, as much as there is advantage, to being an empath. The empath can find themselves easily affected by the behaviour of others. They can also tend to be highly suggestible, and effected by others moods, to such a degree, they’re often swept along by the moment.

There are times when the majority of us, and not just highly empathic people, become all too aware of the unpalatable and unpleasant aspects of human nature. Under such circumstances, we must all know how to protect ourselves, from its effects.

We must distract ourselves by focusing our minds on the more positive aspects of human nature. Becoming more involved with the world around us will also help. Move attention, away from the feelings center, and more toward the other senses.

“I clearly remember telling a trainee therapist one time, how, if she ever felt emotional – at an inappropriate moment – she’d find it useful to look upward”

This is done in order to take the mind out of our feelings or kinesthetic sense. You’ll often see this when people are unconsciously seeking to control tearfulness. Conscious awareness of this phenomenon (of moving eyes upward) awards us greater control.

When it comes to greater control, one last thing for us to look at today, is that of how easily empathic people can be emotionally manipulated. This is simply due to their high degree of awareness: the moods of others become theirs. When others are sad so are they, when others are happy, so are they. With this in mind, the clever, abusive manipulator, has the empath in the palm of their hand.

“An uncomfortable paradox for the empath is they’ve often experienced neglect, and other kinds of abuse, during childhood”

And to add insult to injury, as adults, they can also easily find themselves in the hands of abusers. Paradoxically, this is due to survival skills established during childhood, creating vulnerability (if not understood) in adulthood.

Be aware: if you are empathic there are times when your mind, is quite literally, not your own. Taking back control involves detaching yourself from certain senses. Move your mind onto other things. Allowing yourself to be distracted from the moods of others, may be necessary, to take back control of your mind. As odd as it sounds, you may need to start caring, slightly less.

Beautiful Silence

“I’m staying somewhere different at the moment. There are wide open spaces, wild horses, and big blue skies. There is silence”

There’s a quiet stillness that would not suit everyone. I’m standing next to someone washing the dishes saying nothing; for I have nothing to say. The man standing next to me, also washing up, starts to hum. It’s not particularly tuneful; I want him to stop, but say nothing. Eventually he leaves and a space is left that isn’t filled with something created by the human voice box. A most unpleasant sound sometimes.

I wonder what it is that makes us so uncomfortable in silence. How it is we need to fill every moment with a sound of our own making? The human washing-man grew increasingly uncomfortable with the silence; a silence I would normally feel obliged to fill. I didn’t, he hummed.

A madman starts to hum or talk to himself as a means of distraction. He is, after all, insane, and needs the sounds to soothe his restless mind. Have we all gone so insane that we can’t stand the silence?

Sit quietly my love, be still, hear the sound of your heart in your ears as it calms. Listen to the chatter of your own mind, in time, it calms and quietens too. You have nothing to say, for if you’re not talking about them, they’re not interested, so rest. Save your breath, detach yourself from the insanity, and be quite. Silence is your friend.

Your friend because without it you’ll not hear what your mind has to tell you. It wants to tell you about yourself; about the loneliness. Are we not looking to cure this with sound; any sound? When we take the time to listen to our inner voice, eventually, we’ll feel the emotion. An emotion we all feel when accepted and a stranger no more. Stop being a stranger to yourself. Be quiet. Silence now, Calm now. Shush.

A Ruthless Determination

Ruthless Determination

“A ruthless determination is all well and good, yet without the proper resources, all we’re left with, is ruthless self-destruction”

Frustration and confusion can often be the end result of our strength and determination when this is in conflict. For example, we may have a strong determination to succeed and change our situation, but no matter our efforts, all we succeed at, is failure. Believe it or not, there can exist a part of the mind, that has a ruthless determination to fail. Imagine a mind with unequal determination, between success and failure, that has become tipped toward the latter.

A conflict of this nature can be down to something as a simple learning we experience when young. It could have been a very important event, let’s say a sports event, that we failed at aged five. So important was this event, in the mind of the five year old, that failure was soul destroying. The reaction from parents, teachers and siblings only compounded this failure. Such an individual, may go on to show great promise, but always end up falling at the starting line. The same nervousness, experienced aged five, can still be felt aged forty five!

“The feeling of nervousness associated with events when young can stay with us all our lives”

Now imagine the same sports event but with a completely different outcome. Instead of humiliation, disappointment and guilt, there was the exhilaration of running over the finish line coming first. It’s these kind of experiences that make the difference between winning and losing. They often become a continuing theme throughout the whole of our lives. We come to believe we’re winners or losers respectively.

“Even when winning, if we’re filtering our successes through the belief we always fail, we’ll not be recognising our greatness”

The good news is, through the unique nature of workshops run by The Freedman College, we’re able to question the relevance of such experiences now we’re grown. We’re also able to question the appropriateness of the reactions from the adults around us at that time. As such, not only are we able to remove the limiting beliefs borne from our negative experiences, we become better parents too.

The resources are now here and we’re ready to share them with you. Contact Us.   

children, love, award of love, pleasure, pain

A Game of Love

Games of Love

“Within our workbook we talk about games of fear and games of love”

It’s our belief (and dream) that if everyone woke up to the reality of these games, the world would be a very different place. How do you think things would be if we all woke to the reality of truth?

The truth is hard. It’s hard to read and it’s hard to accept. It’s this way for some very simple reasons, the main one being, that if we acknowledged truth, many of us would need to look very deeply at ourselves and change. We’d have to change from the patterns of thinking and ways of being, we currently understand, into something simple and less complicated.

“Because we’ve been taught that simple is incorrect, living a less complicated lifestyle, has become hard. We’ve also been taught to associate negative connotations with simple, such as boring, wasteful or new age”

The thing is, love is the simplest concept of all. When we take away all the clutter, fear and drama, we’ve all come to accept as normal, love becomes what it is: simple and beautiful.

Put in its most formal terms, games of fear are those games we play that are based on fear. We play them in an attempt to avoid loss, loneliness and taking personal responsibility for ourselves (becoming adult). Whereas games of love are those that are played to empower each other; such as leading good example and empowerment through teaching each other how to live well.

“Games of love are beautiful because they empower all participants, whereas a game of fear, only creates the illusion of love and empowers no one” 

When it comes to living well there are some individuals doing this making millions; it’s not just those manufacturing rubbish that get rich. Forget all the nonsense about wealth having nothing to do with love. We can earn plenty of money whilst empowering others.

Take the example of those industries manufacturing all the stuff that’s causing so much sickness in society: the sugary drinks, crisps, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol and so on. And now think about the individuals selling good lifestyle habits. They’re making just as much money. We know where we sit and surly sleep better at night.

“So love and money are connected yet it’s a choice in how we decide to make it”

We can earn money through empowering with love or through exploiting fear, it’s a choice we must make. In all probability it’s a little easier to make money selling things we believe help alleviate fear. This is certainly the case in a society conditioned to believe: consumption cures fear.

When sad, unhappy or in pain many are conditioned to turn to the junk food, followed by the sugary, energy drink or slice of cake, rather than going for a run. It might even seem counterintuitive to understand that the best cure for depression is change and exercise.

The truth may seem hard, because once acknowledged, we will need to apply ourselves. We humans do often go for the easiest options, especially when those who raised us, also believed in pacifying us with junk.

Good habits are formed when we’re shown good example. When we all show the example of loving each other through empowerment (rather than the quick fix of pleasure) we can be just as prosperous, and in the end, we’ll all be much, much healthier.

“Curing pain with pleasure is our reality”

If you feel sad or stressed and have been conditioned to believe alcohol, drugs or a chocolate bar is the answer, this is curing pain with pleasure. Believe it or not the true cure to changing pain, is not with pleasure, but with energy.

For example the energy needed for exercise changes pain. Physical activity is the empowerment of love never the chocolate bar; that’s teaching fear through curing pain with pleasure. We say this because it’s the parent, who fears their child’s pain, that provides the easy fix, rather than the effort of discipline leading to good example.

As adults, if your parents were confused and fearful, the trick is to become your own parent. Begin to teach the truth, of loves empowerment, by playing a game of love through setting yourself good example.

Getting wealthy might be harder when teaching truth and yet it’s those special individuals, who do this, that always leave the greatest legacy. What kind of legacy do you want to leave. Contacting You

Offensively Defensive

“It’s come to my attention that passive-aggressive is the result of shockingly low self-esteem”

You’ve probably experienced it, the person who is nice and gentle to your face, but bitchy and cruel when your back is turned. Or perhaps someone who’s slightly more direct: “You’re such a lovely person why don’t you wear nicer clothes.” Or, “You’re so pretty, you’d make much more of yourself if you dyed your hair, and wore a little makeup.”

Another example of passive-aggressive is the “I’m only joking” response. It’s that time when the joke’s at your expense – you take offence – and the “I’m only joking” rebuttal is used. Or there’s being pleasant one minute and sarcastic the next.

Sullen behaviour is also often exhibited by the passive-aggressive. It’s a form of manipulation, as is being taught guilt; or perhaps as it’s better understood, we’re ‘sent on a guilt trip’ or ‘given the cold shoulder.’ Those with low self-esteem, who find confidence a threat, are often the worst manipulators.

“People who find you a threat – because of their low self esteem – are more likely to use sarcasm and a passive-aggressive stance”

To help discharge, any negative emotions this might create within us, we can see this kind of behaviour as the defence mechanism of the emotionally immature. It’s also the kind of behaviour often exhibited by children seeking love and attention. Allow their behaviour to become ‘water of a duck’s back.’

“We could – if we choose – give them the love they’re seeking by making them aware of their behaviour. Send them this post if you like” 

The more you understand the psychology – of why people are the way they are – the more bulletproof you become. It will also become easier to enjoy your life and dismiss the negative people from it.

The other side of this, is finding yourself wondering: “Why is it so many people seem to take a dislike to me?” Or “Why do I get sacked from jobs so often?” It could well be, that it’s in your nature, to be passive-aggressive and defensive. Over time, this behaviour can become an unconscious, instant reaction, to those we feel threatened by. Working on raising our self-esteem and self-awareness helps to improve interpersonal skills.  

On parting I recently said to someone:

“Stay out of trouble.”

The response was:

“Trouble finds me.”

I understand why. Do you?

If you’d like improved interpersonal skills and a bulletproof vest

Contact Us.

Control

“There needs to be a clear distinction between certain types of control”

Let’s start gently and talk about control over our minds. Mastery over our thinking, habits, behaviour and general mindset (what we choose to believe) is a Beautiful thing. That’s right, a Beautiful thing, because we’re then deciding of our future lives. We’re more able to exert discipline over our minds when we lose control of everything else. A Paradox. How this is achieved is something I’ll come back to.

In direct opposition to this is the mastery over somebody else’s mind. Many of us grow up in an atmosphere, where negative, forceful influence over each other and our minds, is the norm. As such, we then go on to seek relationships that are based on the types of behaviour we’ve witnessed as ‘normal’ in the past. We may not even know that what we’re doing is destructive and abusive behaviour toward others. It was, and is, the norm.

“The ways in which people seek to accomplish this are vast, and way beyond the scope of this short, blog post”

It’s fair to say, most of us look to exert our will, over that of others, to varying degrees. Fact; an unfortunate part of life, but part of the human condition, all the same. The trick, is to become so aware of our behaviour, that we’re then the master of ourselves alone. Ultimately, this is the only control you’ll ever really need. It’s worth pondering on.

Another limiting form of control is seeking to alter and manipulate circumstances that are uncontrollable. An easy example would be to think of that time you were running late. You’re late so you try and make up time by rushing around, speeding in your car, running for that bus, train and so on. You still end up being late, and probably over stressed, to boot. Lose control and just be late.

More often than not, if you’re generally a punctual person, you’re being late for a reason – beyond human awareness – that with hindsight, can be seen in a more positive light: The train you should have caught crashed, or there was a pileup on the motorway, you know the kind of thing.

Now to how we lose the need for control over others and circumstances. We need to lose the fear. The fear, is that we won’t get what we want; that we won’t be happy and satisfied in some way. The fear, that through losing control of others, or circumstances, we will experience physical or emotional pain; that we will lose out in some way.

“Think back to the example just given, of the train crashing, or the pileup on the motorway. When we choose to lose the fear, we actually experience less pain. Given our example, you might even lengthen your life”

We know life is full of paradoxes. We may want to avoid learning new ways of thinking about things – because this challenges how safe we feel – about the truth of the world we’ve created around us. Yet once again, by dropping what we think is the truth, we open up our lives in extraordinary ways, through seeing the truth. Believe it or not, there is a universal truth, most of us aren’t acknowledging.

To close, allow me to give you further example of fear, by teaching it in a positive light (yes fear can be a positive motivator). Get thinking about how you’re going to make our workshop in September. There will be many others, however, we know how precious your life is, so how can you possibly afford to waste time through procrastination? It could be said, procrastination is the unconscious intention to control others. Surely the worst of all? Complete the form to apply for your place.

Don’t Sweat it, The Solution is Here

“Even though it might sound scary to hear: “you are not aware of the reason why you’re unable to get what you want,” it is easily resolved”

Of course, if you were aware of the reason, you’d easily fix it wouldn’t you? That’s where the ‘easy’ bit comes into play: awareness. When we know exactly what the problem is, we’re empowered to repair it.

Let’s say you had toothache. You might take some strong painkillers to begin with but eventually, as the pain persisted, you’d seek out the services of a dentist. This does beg the question of why so many of us put up with the emotional pain and frustration of not being able to find fulfilment or peace. Do we think there’s no one or ‘no thing’ to turn to? Or is it because the issue is with our minds we feel there’s no choice. At the end of the day, it could be said, all problems originate from within the mind. We feel the pain in a tooth but it’s our brain creating the sensation.

The motivation to be free of pain, or to move forward and seek more from life, are equally as important. We move forward when we understanding what’s holding us back in the first place. The motivation to be free of physical pain is obvious. We want relief. When it comes to the motivation for more this is often driven by fear or the need to please. The reward of praise and of course money are also important. The alternative to this, is to have a ‘purer’ motivation; that of love. When this is the case things get much easier and stable. When we love ourself sufficiently toothache is unlikely in the first place. When we simply love what we do this is motivation aplenty. 

“It could be that you don’t have anything you love and feel passionate about”

Relax, because all this means is, you’ve yet to find it. In order to find that ‘thing’ our minds must be in the right place. Clearing away much of the clutter is the solution to that particular problem. The clutter is the programming and conditioning of our beliefs.

It’s been made very clear in the previous post how the nature of our beliefs create circumstances where we fail to filter out our conditioning. In other words, living in a particular way is unrecognised as conditioning and state of mind. When we adopt a particular lifestyle, not pushing our boundaries sufficiently, this is through the expectations and conditioning dictated by others. The way we live is considered the norm by the people around us. It just becomes the accepted norm and we have no clue, idea or inclination, to move beyond a certain point.

We don’t even know why we feel frustrated because we can’t ‘see’ the conditioning; we have no filter. No awareness. Bring in the belief (and actually believe it yourself) “love is work made visible” for example, and things begin to change.

“It’s the filtering system we must look at”

The challenge, of explaining how belief and/or lack of it, can just as easily disable, as enable us, is not to be underestimated. For example – and to meet this challenge – if you believed it the norm to spend most of your time around other human beings, yet felt at your most productive and happiest when alone, there’s obviously going to be conflict. If we now creatively question this, and then bring in the belief “there is no norm,” we reduce the conflict. We’ve questioned a limiting belief and introduced a more useful one. We’ve altered the filters.

Let’s look at another one. The statement: “a motorcycle needs to be noisy in order to be safe” (other road users can hear you) is not a fact but bullshit. This particular nonsense is pedalled by those who think a noisy bike is an expression, of one kind or another, but in reality, has very little to do with road safety. I for one get annoyed with people who feel it okay to infect the air with their racket. The louder the bike the more frightened everyone else should be kind of thing.

“It might be the case that a pedestrian can hear a noisy bike coming but it’s a pedestrians responsibility to also open his eyes”

A strong wind and a fast bike can diminish and push away a lot of sound from a pedestrian’s ears, as such, how loud a fast bike is – on a windy day – becomes irrelevant. And now with the advent of electric cars and bikes, more kids are going to need the importance of looking up, drummed into them.

Anyway, the belief: Bikes need to be noisy to be safe, is a convenience for cretins on loud machines. Many beliefs are simply there for the convenience of those who hold them. The example given above makes it clear how a belief, misguided, convenient or whatever, is a filter that keeps the holder stuck. I doubt we’ll get to see a Hell’s Angel – with his silly patch sewn onto his sleeve, machete or shotgun over his shoulder – riding on the back of an electric motorcycle any day soon. Who knows though, perhaps they’ll prove me wrong. Brum, brum, or is it Swisssssh . . . Love it!

The Filters to Absurdity

“I wonder if you remember mixing paint together in art classes at school?”

A big brush held in a small hand creating new colours through mixing the primary colours in light. Mix yellow and red and you’d magically get orange. Blue and yellow to get green; blue and red to find the beautiful colour violet. Who said magic doesn’t belong on planet Earth?

For many it’s a fascinating experiment when first observed. And it’s not until we understand the nature of light, how it’s made up of all the different colours of the spectrum, do we get a clearer sense of the outcome when we mix things up a little

When we look closer at the properties of light, and why everyday objects reflect the colours they do, grass is green, the sky is blue etc., we get a clearer understanding of how our beliefs also act as the filters to our world.

Why is the grass green? Well, put simply, the reason grass is green is because the molecules within it, absorb light in a different way, to let’s say, red chillies. The molecules within grass reflect the green wavelength of light from the sun and absorb the rest; likewise with chillies. The chilli reflects red but absorbs all other colours.

“So, moving this forward, and using it as an analogy of the nature of mind-beliefs, we get a sense of their filtering or reflective nature”

Just as with the reflective nature, of everyday objects to light, if you believe you can’t do something, or have no belief in your ability, this is how the mind will negate or ignore your potential respectively.

Our beliefs are similar to the way colours are absorbed (a red chilli is red because it absorbs all other colours except red). Without undue resistance, we simply do the very things, we believe in. In fact, so immediate is the effect, we don’t even notice.

For example, if you believed the belief I’m a good communicator (perhaps translates as: I’m a good talker), you’d simply do it without needing to give it much conscious thought at all. The opposite of this is also true. If you believed the belief: I’m a poor communicator, you’d stumble, mumble, cough and struggle through the whole process, or potentially, you’d never say anything. On this point, is it just me, or are many of our young becoming increasingly poor communicators? Anyway, back on track and:    

“Getting down and dirty for a moment”

Let’s take the example of this belief: Love is control. Now, as absurd as it might seem, it’s perfectly possible (for a while at least) that this belief would award its holder the ability to control the person they’re supposedly in love with. What happens though, when the varying means used for control, inevitably fail?

Perhaps the frustration of such failure would drive them into getting hold of a gun and shooting the individual they were unsuccessfully trying to control? In the mind of such an individual, they may even now, through their insanity, still believe love equals ownership and control. How many murderers (insanely) still think they have the upper hand? Is taking someone’s life perhaps the ultimate in control? Interesting, is it not, how an absurd belief can still potentially be maintained even after its failure. How many perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they’re in love? WTF?

Let’s go further and give a positive, much simpler example, of the filtering nature of beliefs. Consider the belief in luck. As a consequence of filtering life through the belief: I am lucky, you certainly will be!

Every occurrence of good fortune will be attributed to your lucky nature; and good luck to you! In addition to this, the belief you’re lucky, will, in effect bring you more good luck, simply because you’re filtering out bad luck.

“It’s not necessarily the case that you do experience more luck than average, however, seeing life through rose coloured spectacles, as it were, means your life will seem to you, and perhaps even others, more fortunate and happier than average”

One sure way to get above the average, and increase the amount of luck and happiness you experience in life, is to begin wondering how you might filter your thoughts in a more positive way. Removing the beliefs that negatively influence you will be just the start.

If there are presently negative, controlling influences in your life, questioning your beliefs will undoubtedly help you understand why. There will be a reason. Indeed we could all ask: Why are we putting up with the negatives from the people around us? Believing in the importance of living life on our terms, as free individuals – in complete control of our futures – is a filter (belief) to nurture and propagate.

Remember now, how red and blue created the new and beautiful colour, of violet? This understanding helps to clarify how believing the beliefs: love and freedom – mixed together – equal happiness. Ponder on this, it will  help you find its reality.

Personal Development from The Freedman College will help you discover more about this fascinating subject. Contact Us, you never know your luck, or do you?

Expensive Habits

“My counterpart at The Freedman College – Phil Whittingham – spent many years working as a Clinical and Analytical Hypnotherapist”

In his capacity as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, he treated many individuals, helping them break bad habits. The most obviously and well known of those is that of smoking.

At that time, twenty years ago, smoking was of course less expensive than it is today. Nevertheless, it was still an expensive habit even then, and so when we think of what it costs to smoke twenty cigarettes a day now, it quite takes the breath away (cough). We’re talking about approximately £3.360 per year.

More than anything, when looking at figures like that, my first thoughts turn to time and energy. How much time do we need to spend at work, earning this money, so we’re then able to pay for something that’s shortening our lives? For most people it’s a no brainer. That said, millions of people still smoke here in the UK. The figures are staggering if you care to look.

“As far as we’re concerned, the crux of the matter, is understanding the root of the issue”

Looking at the figures already mentioned, it’s easy to see the continuance of smoking – and most other addictions – as something that defies logic. It’s illogical, to continue doing something that costs us so much in time and energy, yet we continue. Why?

The simple answer is, this kind of habitual behaviour, is beyond our conscious control. The alternative – a person in full control of their mind – is no doubt puzzled, and somewhat dismayed, by the self-destructive nature of his fellow humans. Puzzled because unless we’ve actually experienced how it feels to have a hopeless addiction, it can be hard to understand, and sympathise with.

Even though we may find it hard, it’s important to remember, much of the root to addiction is driven by a sense of emptiness, guilt and indeed unhappiness. Without the fleeting satisfaction (and relief from guilt) one gets from feeding an addiction, the addicted, feel they’ll have problems coping. The belief is the addiction actually helps them cope. Looked at objectively, in the long term, all unhealthy addictions do in fact worsen the situation. An example of belief defying logic if ever there was one. Beliefs often do this, consider how religious beliefs defy, all logic.

“All things said, the degree of control we have over our minds relates closely to awareness”

Once we’re aware of the root to our addictions and compulsive behaviour we’re better able to gain control. The birthplace of our beliefs and self-destructive behaviour is often buried beneath our conscious awareness. Once we become aware, the affect, is to increase choice. If we’re aware of the driving forces behind self-destructive behaviour, but continue in the same vein, this surley makes it a deliberate act. A different matter entirely.

“A conscious choice, into throwing oneself of a building, is very different to the slow suicide of smoking?”

We can contribute so many destructive patterns, and our seeming inability to control them, to our lack of conscious awareness. Part of gaining full control over our lives, comes from the ability to question the usefulness of compulsive, habitual behaviour. Being able to spend more time doing the things we enjoy, through ridding ourselves of expensive habits, and the feelings and beliefs that drive them, is within everyone’s grasp. We do this through raising the level of our awareness.

It could be that we have no bad habits and yet feel the need for better control over our future plans and life. Either way, we must take some time to consider how time and energy, well invested, can help smooth out and lengthen this extraordinary journey through life.

Right from the off, our unique style of Personal Development, opens up this process through introducing mindfulness and meditation. A well understood method of raising our awareness. Check out our schedule here.

Wise Investments

Wise Investments

Investing in marketing, or some other business related issue, isn’t necessarily going to start showing an immediate return. A new oven in the kitchen of a restaurant, for example, won’t get paid for until its churned out quite a few joints of roast beef. I’ve used the example of roast beef since learning recently that the French call the English “roast beef.” This is done in the belief it’s the only thing eaten this side of the channel. So much for the marketing success of English cuisine!

Anyway, marketing is such a fickle beast, and so much of an art to get right, that seeing a tangible return from our investments and endeavours, can indeed take years. Either because it’s taken some time to perfect our strategy, or people need to be made aware of the services we offer, to begin with. This begs the question: can you create a market where none exists? Or is something only ever considered when introduced by someone first hand; the guy knocking on the front door for example. Knock, Knock.

“All the same, knocking on doors, advertising or investing in tools of the trade, it all costs time and money”

For some, it’s a very brave step to start spending money, where it’s known and understood, there’s unlikely to be an immediate return on our investments. As with many things, there may be no guarantee, they’ll actually be any return. This is where calculated risk comes into play. Successful investors are very good at working out the risks and the potential returns on any future business.

On a personal level, we reduce risk through ensuring that what we have to offer, is a quality product or service. I’m not not just talking about ensuring the roast beef (there with that example again) isn’t overcooked. We need to also talk about the person; the individual behind the product, or service. Aside from business matters, this is also relevant to our personal life, for:

“Meeting the woman, or man of our dreams, is achieved by ensuring we’re able to present ourselves as a worthy catch”

Developing courage, persona, self-esteem with fabulous attitude to life, does not come naturally to many. Most of us need to work at it. If we’re not developing – with all of these thing’s in mind – we will be stagnating and wasting our money. Be the complete package. Invest in yourself. Attend a Personal Development Workshop.