Collective Sanity

Gravity: The Force of Love

We in the west are disturbed by the recent images of Pakistani men protesting against the decision to free a woman accused of blasphemy. These men shout, throw their fists in the air, and call for her death. They’re baying for blood. They have placards depicting a hangman’s noose around her neck. They want her hanged for standing up for her beliefs.

Looked at from afar, it’s just another example, of how beliefs often defy logic and reasoning. Even though this is the case, we can clearly see the kind of feelings created, when deeply ingrained beliefs are brought into question.

Religious beliefs are of course a very fertile breeding ground for the collective insanity we’re currently experiencing

The insanity is revealed when we step back and ask ourselves: how can it be right and proper for someone to be hanged for questioning beliefs in an attempt to protect their own? It’s the power of the majority at work. The majority are able to assert their ‘rightness’ over the minorities ‘wrongness’. And yet when we really think about it, there is no right or wrong about any beliefs, they’re just that … beliefs. They are neither correct nor incorrect. In this respect, for beliefs to remain valuable and effective, they must always be considered as fluid, malleable and transient.

The unconscious is a data storage system and nothing more

Its job is to store information and give it up when requested by our consciousness. Our beliefs are what applies influence to this output. The problem being, when these beliefs were first formed (childhood), our filtering consciousness (its critical faculty) wasn’t sufficiently developed, to question their validity and usefulness in a modern world. Back then, we accepted everything absolutely, without any questioning filters at all.

When our beliefs and values are such, that we feel it’s right and acceptable to put someone to death for questioning us, surly we’ve become insane? The situation highlighted above is no doubt being exacerbated by the hysteria of a crowd. Away from the crowd though, reason dictates the total insanity, of placing belief over life. Yet we see examples of this everywhere.

The point to bear in mind, is that when these well established beliefs are brought into question, it can be very unsettling and frightening for those who hold them dear. This is all too apparent when we see what’s happening in Pakistan. Their fear is palpable. Their hatred and anger is fuelled by this.

It seems that we are powerless in the face of this insanity

We must always remember the nature of news broadcasts. We only see a small snippet of what’s really going on in the world. We’re only shown those stories that seem ‘newsworthy,’ and these extreme examples, tend to leave a bias in our minds. Whether we see it or not, the world is still a beautiful place, and there are a few beautiful people living here too.

Gravity: The Force of Love

It is unfortunate, that there are those who refuse to separate themselves from the crowd – and its collective insanity – simply because they’re unable to see their fear and ignorance. It takes courage to question those things we hold dear, simply because as soon as we do, change is implied.

The collective madmen of the world can’t see any alternatives

What their minds are failing to show them, (through the filters of collective religious beliefs) is the beauty they could welcome into their lives, through change. There is an extraordinary freedom for us to experience through this change. When we understand, how the output from our data storage system (unconscious) is dictated by the prejudice of our outdated beliefs, we begin to set ourselves free.

There is very little love and respect stored in the minds of the fearful. Fear of change and the unknown is so all-encompassing it’s as if they’ve lost the sight in an eye.

It’s what we believe that makes us frightened. What we believe has been instilled by those who need control

Take the common beliefs of God. They’re too numerous to mention here, however, there is the common theme running through them; that we should in some way be fearful of God. That we will be judged (by our adherence to His instructions) then punished or rewarded accordingly. What religious men and women aren’t getting, is how these ‘instructions’ were created by men, in order to gain the upper-hand through the influence of fear.  And so long ago!

If we take a moment to consider these instructions we will see how God could never speak to us in easily understood terms. Our minds are currently far too over-developed. That’s right! Over-developed. Most are looking for complicated solutions to simple problems. In fact, it’s all getting far too complicated.

I’m reminded that I have in the past spoken about how we can – should we ever feel the need – form more useful beliefs about God

It’s of far greater value to see God existing within information. The universe is built of atoms: very small pieces of information. If we want to find God’s instructions, all we need do, is look within these. When we do, what we see, is the intrinsic need for balance. We also begin to understand what’s holding it all together: the force of gravity. Without this force, nothing would exist.

Gravity: The Force of Love

Within each and every atom – relative to its mass – the force of gravity is of the same value throughout. We must follow this simple rule and bring it into our lives. We will only survive in the long term, if we have a sane, collective belief and understanding, in one common force. How would it be if we called this force love?

Is it love that puts someone to death through their beliefs? Or is that the fear and beliefs of man? Think of God as the force that holds us all together. We need balance, and in order to function well, we need the universal acceptance of each other.

We also need to understand that the force of love has no ambiguity. The force that holds an atom together, doesn’t waver; it is not uncertain. Quite the opposite. It is steady, it is unwavering. Follow this to make it through, and remember, the greater its mass, the greater its power.

Turn to Love

Turn to Love

The Children

There’s no denying fear is a very powerful force. Look at what’s happening in the world right now. Political games, war games, attempted murder, cold blooded murder, terrorism, and everything inbetween. The ability to separate ourselves from all this nonsense is a little like watching a board game from above. When there’s no fear within ourselves, we’re able to see the power games, being played out.

For it’s fear that drives the need for power

When we look at people through the eyes of mature love we’re able to do something very powerful. We’re able to see little boys and girls fighting for supremacy in the playground. These previously hidden children, we’re now clearly able to see, could be anybody. They might even be world leaders.

Losing the child within

It’s only possible to lose the child within, when the adults we must become, take control. Is it an adult who commits murder or is it the frightened child within? A true adult would never take a life. He would value his self too greatly. So what of the world leaders who sanction wars and assassinations? Are they frightened children too? Of course they are. The peaceful loving leaders are the adults. They seem quite thin on the ground right now.

Turning to Love

It could be said, that in order to turn to love, we need to be grown first. It could be said, that in order for a world leader to lose his fear and turn to love instead, he’d need to have been shown what it is to be grown. There is truth in that, however, I believe it’s a choice. He or she either continues to behave in an egotistical fearful manner, that belongs in childhood, or he turns to love. It is possible to find out what love is, and what its true power is, through research.

This information is available. So why don’t these world leaders look it up and set their people free? It’s potentially because they’ve become intoxicated by there own lust for power. A lust for control that’s become so powerful. Powerful, because it diminishes their fear. It diminishes their loneliness.

‘The reality of loneliness is a dislike of the self’ – CBP

The power of love helps us to accept some fundamental truths, like this one:

‘We are all alone, because it’s impossible for any other person to be part of our mind, body or soul. No-one will ever share the same thoughts, feelings or belief systems, in exactly the same way as another, this, is to be alone’ – CBP

Many frightened and controlling people are simply seeking to avoid this truth. They’re trying to cure the pain of their loneliness with power over others. Their power to instill fear in others diminishes their own. It’s only those who fully understand the implications of our aloneness that understand the power of love. They fully understand the need for love.

It’s love of ourselves that cures our loneliness

Nothing else will do

We need some leaders who get this. We need some leaders who can help us grow. Mature love supersedes fear every, single, time. Turn to love and the fear melts away.

A Determination to Make Life Easier

Determination

The way in which we make life harder for ourselves is extraordinary. From my own experiences I know this to be the case. We seek happiness and fulfilment, and this is often at great cost, to our peace of mind. At great cost, because instead of a calm, level-headed approach to our goals, we create turmoil through doing things that are in direct opposition to this. We go for a run and then sit down with a pint of beer. We spend a fortune with our therapist, mentor or coach, and then return home to our horribly unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it’s not the seeking happiness and fulfilment that’s the issue, it’s doing those things that upset our direction and purpose, that is.

Driven

We’re understandably driven to achieve great things and yet do so much that’s directly opposed to this. We’re often very determined to make some positive changes in our lives, but so many of us easily drift back into old, self-destructive patterns. Through this, we’re actually making life harder for ourselves. We know it on one level, yet can’t seem to stop ourselves from carrying out our little methods, for self-destruction. We could all make life so much easier for ourselves by understanding why and how we do this.

Conflict

For example, think of the determination we humans often show in turning our lives around by becoming fit and well. Now think of the determination we demonstrate at achieving its opposite. We seem to require a reward for our hard work that’s ‘other’ than the goal we’re actually striving for. 

You’ve been for a run (or whatever) and the rewards must be the feelings associated with this alone. Not the slice of cake or pint of beer! Confusingly, perhaps we’re drawn into creating toxic relationships. Why, when we’re working so hard to love ourselves, are we pulled towards cruel and unkind people? We seem to actively go out of our way to bring cruel and destructive people into our lives. How? Why? By focusing our minds we’re able to recognise the how and why.

Determination

Two Steps Forward

Eating that slice of cake or drinking that pint of beer is of course pleasurable, however, the next time we go for a run we’re having to fight those added few pounds. We’re having to work harder through the belief we need the sugary rewards. We’re having to fight the poison of alcohol.

Much of this reward system harks back to childhood, so we must look to put away, those things of childhood. When we do, life becomes easier. We need the abusers in our life because they potentially represent our true feelings of self-worth. In order to love ourselves fully, we must rid ourselves of the abusers, only then can we truly learn to love. It may seem hard to extinguish these people from our lives, yet we must recognise how they’re perpetuating, the problem. 

Determination

Yes, be determined, and make sure your determination is directed and focused. Have goals, seek fulfilment, and more of the love life has to offer. Most importantly, notice the internal battles. Two steps forward, followed by one step back, can be extremely frustrating, and in the long term, it’s detrimental to our health. Notice the methods used for this. Remove the unnecessary rewards system and the abusers from your life. Make it easier. Grow.

Simple Solutions

Solution

The Simplest Solution is The Most Likely to be True

A man goes to a doctors surgery complaining about a rash on his face. The first doctor diagnoses rosacea and prescribes antibiotics. After the drugs course has been completed the man returns to the surgery reporting no change. A second doctor now gives his opinion and diagnoses seborrheic dermatitis and prescribes gentle use of Nizoral shampoo on the face and head. Over a period of months the skin condition persists and never fully clears up. Eventually, the patient gives up on chemical treatments, and starts a regime of washing his face twice a day with soap and water. Within two weeks his skin condition has completely cleared.

At no point did anyone ask the patient how often he washes. The simplest solution is the most likely to be true.

We’re Often Taught to Seek Complicated Time Consuming Solutions

Venturing down rabbit holes and navigating complicated mazes might seem more interesting, and yet in the long term, it wastes time and energy. When we instantly jump to the cleverest, most costly, or most common solution, paradoxically, we might miss a beautiful truth, that saves time and resources. Over and over again it’s been proven that the simplest solution is always the best. Even though this is the case, we so easily allow this understanding, to give us the slip.

Over complicate

It is an unfortunate aspect of human nature that we over complicate and intellectualise things. This is a game of one-upmanship that has a lot to do with the ego’s need to boost itself. “Look at how complicated you are and confused you’ve become. Oh how clever it makes me look!” The thing is, simple is the true smart, and as such, it’s often the hardest to find.

Finding Simple

In order to efficiently find the easiest solutions we must change our thinking. We need to bring our thinking down a level. For example, it’s so easy to assume, that the emotional problems we inevitably encounter in life, are likely to have complicated causes. Problems never start off complicated. Every problem has a simple root cause.

Even though it’s us that’s creating our problems in the first place, we’re being conditioned to think, that they’re out of our personal control. Many professionals are overly keen to take our responsibilities out of our hands.

All we need do is understand the principle – of the root cause always being simple – and we take back our power

Once again we have an unfortunate aspect of human nature to blame. We each lust for power – relevant to the individual – and gaining power over each other, is one of our most treasured, and popular games. We obviously feel the need to place others in positions of power, and even though we seek to safeguard ourselves against their lust, these safeguards often fail us. Potentially the simple solution is to look within.

Solution

Looking Within

When we look within we’re asking our inner voice to guide us. We’re asking for the solution to be presented to us in it’s simplest form. For example, when we seek the solution from within (our inner voice) to any kind of unrest – be this self-harm or violence in our societies and prisons – we take back the responsibilities previously handed on to those in power. When we all take responsibility, we simplify the solution, and cure the problem.

Solution

Listen

With the above examples – be it face washing, self-harming or prison violence – the simple answer, is they’re all as a consequence, of neglect. Whether it’s visiting doctors, cutting arms or smashing prison cells, all are a call for attention. That attention is called love. This is the simple solution we’re all so willing to ignore; we’re neglecting ourselves; our inner voice. Stop the neglect. Be quiet. Ask your inner voice and listen. Love Yourself.

 

Tao Wisdom

Night/Day Tao Wisdom

Here’s a quote from ancient Tao wisdom:

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know. Close your mouth, block off your senses, blunt your sharpness, untie your knots, soften your glare, settle your dust. This is the primal identity. Be like the Tao. It can’t be approached or withdrawn from, benefited or harmed, honoured or brought into disgrace. It gives itself up continually. That is why it endures.” – Lao Tzu

Now initially, and to put it in descriptive, layman’s terms, I though this was utter bollocks! However, I have since given this some thought, and now realise it is in fact very clever, very clever indeed, and I’ll tell you why.

“It’s recently come to my understanding, that the only true way to influence people, is through example. It’s not what you say; it’s not what you write, it’s all about what you do.”

Tao Wisdom

What you do and how you act will ultimately be reflected on the inside. In other words, how you behave toward others, becomes your internal reality, as the behaviour of others, becomes a direct reflection of you.

Treat people unkindly and they will seemingly return this behaviour. This also works in the opposite direction. In other words, if your mind is full of conflict, confusion, anger and bitterness, ultimately, you will become an angry and bitter individual on the outside also.

And so with this in mind, let’s say you adopted the attitude of the Tao and simply pretended to be a calm, well adjusted individual. Would this mean that in time you’d become that very person? Well, you would if you knew how to ‘act’ in a calm and well adjusted, manner.

This is where the living by example comes into play. Living by example means you need not say anything, write anything or indeed strive for anything, other than what you are at root: a calm, loving and well adjusted individual.

Tao Wisdom

Believe it or not that is exactly what you are. The keywords used here are: “at root.” When we get to the root of who we are, we’ve cracked it, and the way to do this is to follow someone who sows this example. Simple.

“In actual fact, this is the true power of counselling and mentoring. The counselling-mentor need not tell you anything of themselves or advise you in any way whatsoever.”

Quite simply, the age old questions such as: “and how does that make you feel?” Or “what do you imagine would be the best solution?” are a cleverness we often overlook.

However infuriating it might seem, when the counselling-mentor simply reflects back your thoughts and words, so as to act as a sounding board, they’re following (albeit unknowingly) the ‘way of the Tao.’

Time, they say, is a great healer, and when it comes to the time it might take to discover peace of mind, and therefore understand what truly matters in life, through following simple example… well… what can I say? It could take a lifetime. Perhaps the real secret, is to have more than one. Who knows.

Life & Tao Wisdom

All in all, if you’ve been shown good example through your childhood or early adulthood, from those you love, it makes you a very lucky and fortunate individual indeed. If not, find someone whom you believe to have a beautiful life, and study how and what they do; follow their example.

You may think wealth, and all it brings, is the way to a beautiful life. You might have some people in mind you could model yourself on. If so, good luck. It’s my belief though, that it really doesn’t have much to do with money at all, it’s more about love. I see – we all see – that money is important, and we also see the importance of love.

Tao Wisdom

And so to break the rules of the Tao for a moment, I will share this small piece of wisdom with you, if I may:

“Love and money are a little like oil and water, they simply don’t mix. So, if you want a beautiful life, find some people to model yourself on, who have plenty of that magic ingredient called love, in theirs.” א 

Ripples

Ripples and Purpose

A Beautiful Purpose

How many of us give our purpose in life a clear definition? Like the majority, we might just drift along, not really giving purpose any real thought at all. What kind of answers do we find when we ask ourselves: Do I have a purpose in life and is this something that could be easily described as beautiful?

The vast majority of us do have a tendency to follow some simple rules when it comes to purpose. At its base level, we might only want to avoid pain, and then seek out pleasure. Seeking happiness, and not thinking about too much else, means we will of course follow the majority in respect of many things. We’ll follow an established pattern that society dictates as normal or average. We’ll lead a life that pursues societies model for happiness.

Ripples and Purpose

Surly this pursuit is all fair and reasonable? Of course it is, however we must remember, the established model society has for happiness, doesn’t work for all. In fact we could say the model’s failing. The evidence – for this admittedly slightly negative outlook – is all around us. Look at the ever increasing amount of violence in our societies. Look at the rise in mental illness. Let’s look at suicide rates, self-harm, depression, drug use et cetera; but then again, let’s not hey?

“And so giving ourselves clear purpose must go some way to improving our lot in life. Aimlessly drifting, following the crowd, is for the majority”

In adolescence – during that time when we’re entering the world for real – our motivations will naturally be very self-centered. As time goes on, we become less so, and more concerned for the better good of those around us. This is especially prevalent once our thoughts move toward settling down to start a family. With this development in mind, what is suggested by many wise teachings, is that we begin – the more altruistic kind of thinking that age can bring – at a much earlier stage in life. And not just for those in our immediate vicinity.

“Having purpose in life, that involves improving the wellbeing of everyone, is beautiful on several levels”

It stands to reason, that moving our minds into a more altruistic way of thinking, is beneficial for others. What is often neglected, or overlooked by the young, is that the benefits to altruism always become a two way arrangement. We only have something once we’ve given it away.

With the alternative to altruism being self-centered drivings, the end result, can often be loneliness. We humans must never forget we’re a social animal at heart. Losing sight of the need to grow out of childish self-centeredness, could well be at the root, to many of our current problems.

Ripples and Purpose

It often takes time to fully realise the benefits to clearly defining our purpose. We can ask ourselves the question: What is my purpose for today? Or we can start each day giving ourselves the purpose of creating positive ripples. We do this by seeking to influence everyone we meet in a positive way. Think of how setting good example, teaches love of the self, and how infectious this can be. How would you set out to do this today?

We know how we do it. Contact Us if you’d like to learn more about creating positive ripples of love.

It Just isn’t Tennis – Change Your Mindset

Change Your Mindset

It’s said the best things in life are free. It’s considered that these free things are family and friends. But what if family and friends have no or little value for life?

The best things in life will never be free. Life is best when lived in freedom. For the majority in this world, at this time, freedom needs to be worked at.

Stabbings

I once met a mother who told me how her young son had stabbed his teddy bear because he couldn’t get what he wanted. Such an angry child.

A young man’s opinion, on why since 2014, incidents of stabbings have doubled in parts of the UK: “the kids don’t value their lives enough.”

Some of these young men never had teddy bears. It could be, that feeling there’s so little to live for, lacking value for life, violence isn’t seen as something to distance themselves from. If anything they’re drawn to it. Or are they just stabbing each other (their teddy bears) to get noticed? Self-loathing borne from the frustration of not knowing how to be grown. Fatherless child. 

Tennis

“And just this morning, we hear of an incident, where an umpire in a game of tennis, took it upon himself, to change the mindset of a troublesome player”

The player in question then went on to win the game, claiming this had nothing to do with the umpires, intervention. He did of course need to state this because in tennis, receiving any kind of coaching during a game, is forbidden. He received encouragement from the umpire, and as such, the rules were broken. Cheats are everywhere; behaving like a child.

“Here’s the thing. The young man, giving his opinion on stabbings, isn’t playing a game of tennis, no, he and his peers, are playing the game of life. Coaching during this game is permitted”

There are numerous examples of intervention causing change. When we successfully alter someones mindset, we help them win the game. Even though this is permissible in the game of life, the available assistance, is often ignored or dismissed.

On the radar

Many people are unaware of how to find the kind of training that can alter their mindset. To add to this, even those who have training presented to them, dismiss it for varying reasons. Once a certain mindset becomes predominant it can be challenging to change. For example, if we don’t value our lives, we’ll not actually be seeking change to begin with. Some are lost with no way out in sight. 

Change Your Mindset
Time to dump the teddy bear?

We are an organisation set on helping people win the game of life. The rules we work from dictate that we mustn’t place ourselves high in an umpires chair. What we must do though, is simply present to you, the options for change.

If you’re a seeker prepared to dump the teddy bear of childhood, with a desire to win, you can find your application form here.

Knowing The Self – What There Is To Gain

I feel this has a lot to do with confidence. This is to say, the better we know ourselves, in terms of what we like, dislike our drivings and shortcomings, the more self-assured we become.

“Self-assured is having the confidence to communicate what we want (or don’t want) in clear and exact terms to those around us”

In my last post, I indirectly spoke of how important it is, to discontinue the habit of suffering fools gladly. Contrary to what’s stated here, it can never be wise, to suffer fools gladly. The negative influences of fools, are so far reaching, it will always be far, far better, to remove yourself from their lives completely.  

If we’re tired of someone’s conversation, or company for that matter, we must be prepared to acknowledge this to ourselves. Once we do, we’re then much better equipped to find gentle, yet assertive ways, of getting what we want.

“What we want could simply be freedom from the negative influences of other people”

For the majority of our lives many of us find it difficult to assert our true wants. We tolerate the behaviour of others – even though it keeps us frustrated, annoyed and potentially stuck – simply because of fear. The fear we might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Also, our outdated need to be liked and approved of by others, is so great, it only adds to our unnecessary, high tolerance, toward them. Even though we know their behaviour is inappropriate or backward we continue to tolerated it.

And so, the ability to free ourselves – using the game highlighted here – requires a high degree of confidence and self-assurance. Confidence, combined with self-assurance, lowers our tolerance threshold toward idiots. Knowing ourselves better, so we may update our thinking, empowers us to get our wants and needs met.

“Eventually there comes a point when the pressure valve blows, far better to assert our wants and needs, now”

Once we understand ourselves better, we gain the confidence to become self-assured enough to get our true wants and needs met. Tolerating the backward inhibiting nature of others ceases once we begin to assert ourselves.

With all this in mind, it is important to be aware, of an important fact: It is impossible to embark on a journey of self-discovery alone. When embarking on this path, we always, always require, the assistance of others, .

So join us. We’re the people who’ve already taken this road, but have turned back, so we may help you find the love and beauty, rightfully deserved, in your life.

Enrolment, on a Personal Development Weekend Workshop, involves the simple process of completing the on-line application form here.

How to Defend the Empath

“A modern term banded about nowadays is that of being an Empath. It’s really just a way of describing those who have a particularly overblown sensitivity to the mental or emotional state of another”

One of the main reasons for this sensitivity, I believe, comes as a result of the empath being very in touch with themselves. Those of us who have a good understanding of what it is to ‘know oneself’ do tend to display above average empathic abilities.

There is of course disadvantage, as much as there is advantage, to being an empath. The empath can find themselves easily affected by the behaviour of others. They can also tend to be highly suggestible, and effected by others moods, to such a degree, they’re often swept along by the moment.

There are times when the majority of us, and not just highly empathic people, become all too aware of the unpalatable and unpleasant aspects of human nature. Under such circumstances, we must all know how to protect ourselves, from its effects.

We must distract ourselves by focusing our minds on the more positive aspects of human nature. Becoming more involved with the world around us will also help. Move attention, away from the feelings center, and more toward the other senses.

“I clearly remember telling a trainee therapist one time, how, if she ever felt emotional – at an inappropriate moment – she’d find it useful to look upward”

This is done in order to take the mind out of our feelings or kinesthetic sense. You’ll often see this when people are unconsciously seeking to control tearfulness. Conscious awareness of this phenomenon (of moving eyes upward) awards us greater control.

When it comes to greater control, one last thing for us to look at today, is that of how easily empathic people can be emotionally manipulated. This is simply due to their high degree of awareness: the moods of others become theirs. When others are sad so are they, when others are happy, so are they. With this in mind, the clever, abusive manipulator, has the empath in the palm of their hand.

“An uncomfortable paradox for the empath is they’ve often experienced neglect, and other kinds of abuse, during childhood”

And to add insult to injury, as adults, they can also easily find themselves in the hands of abusers. Paradoxically, this is due to survival skills established during childhood, creating vulnerability (if not understood) in adulthood.

Be aware: if you are empathic there are times when your mind, is quite literally, not your own. Taking back control involves detaching yourself from certain senses. Move your mind onto other things. Allowing yourself to be distracted from the moods of others, may be necessary, to take back control of your mind. As odd as it sounds, you may need to start caring, slightly less.

Expensive Habits

“My counterpart at The Freedman College – Phil Whittingham – spent many years working as a Clinical and Analytical Hypnotherapist”

In his capacity as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, he treated many individuals, helping them break bad habits. The most obviously and well known of those is that of smoking.

At that time, twenty years ago, smoking was of course less expensive than it is today. Nevertheless, it was still an expensive habit even then, and so when we think of what it costs to smoke twenty cigarettes a day now, it quite takes the breath away (cough). We’re talking about approximately £3.360 per year.

More than anything, when looking at figures like that, my first thoughts turn to time and energy. How much time do we need to spend at work, earning this money, so we’re then able to pay for something that’s shortening our lives? For most people it’s a no brainer. That said, millions of people still smoke here in the UK. The figures are staggering if you care to look.

“As far as we’re concerned, the crux of the matter, is understanding the root of the issue”

Looking at the figures already mentioned, it’s easy to see the continuance of smoking – and most other addictions – as something that defies logic. It’s illogical, to continue doing something that costs us so much in time and energy, yet we continue. Why?

The simple answer is, this kind of habitual behaviour, is beyond our conscious control. The alternative – a person in full control of their mind – is no doubt puzzled, and somewhat dismayed, by the self-destructive nature of his fellow humans. Puzzled because unless we’ve actually experienced how it feels to have a hopeless addiction, it can be hard to understand, and sympathise with.

Even though we may find it hard, it’s important to remember, much of the root to addiction is driven by a sense of emptiness, guilt and indeed unhappiness. Without the fleeting satisfaction (and relief from guilt) one gets from feeding an addiction, the addicted, feel they’ll have problems coping. The belief is the addiction actually helps them cope. Looked at objectively, in the long term, all unhealthy addictions do in fact worsen the situation. An example of belief defying logic if ever there was one. Beliefs often do this, consider how religious beliefs defy, all logic.

“All things said, the degree of control we have over our minds relates closely to awareness”

Once we’re aware of the root to our addictions and compulsive behaviour we’re better able to gain control. The birthplace of our beliefs and self-destructive behaviour is often buried beneath our conscious awareness. Once we become aware, the affect, is to increase choice. If we’re aware of the driving forces behind self-destructive behaviour, but continue in the same vein, this surley makes it a deliberate act. A different matter entirely.

“A conscious choice, into throwing oneself of a building, is very different to the slow suicide of smoking?”

We can contribute so many destructive patterns, and our seeming inability to control them, to our lack of conscious awareness. Part of gaining full control over our lives, comes from the ability to question the usefulness of compulsive, habitual behaviour. Being able to spend more time doing the things we enjoy, through ridding ourselves of expensive habits, and the feelings and beliefs that drive them, is within everyone’s grasp. We do this through raising the level of our awareness.

It could be that we have no bad habits and yet feel the need for better control over our future plans and life. Either way, we must take some time to consider how time and energy, well invested, can help smooth out and lengthen this extraordinary journey through life.

Right from the off, our unique style of Personal Development, opens up this process through introducing mindfulness and meditation. A well understood method of raising our awareness. Check out our schedule here.

A True Intelligence

“We humans believe we’re intelligent”

The question is: does this belief help or hinder us?

There are those who would say that you are what you believe, i.e, if you believe you’re intelligent, then you will be. However we must consider the yardstick we’re measuring ourselves against. How do we know we’re intelligent?

Science fiction often presumes there to be far more advanced civilisations out there, and to some extent, even creates concepts and ideas only an advanced lifeform could conceive of. Doesn’t the fact we’re able to do that mean we are in fact intelligent; that we are a higher intelligence.

“Believing something doesn’t make it a fact”

It’s so often the case that we allow commerce, money and growth, to come before intelligence is it not? Consider the packaging industry. Surely there’s been a lack of forethought in respect of the materials they use. The amount of plastic produced is out of control, and this is surely due to a lack of forethought, and future projection. It really isn’t rocket science. All we needed to do, was think about the rather indestructible nature of plastic, and then think about how life would be, if nearly every-product-on-the-high-street were wrapped in it. Suffocating to think about.

“Nevertheless it is actually true to say, we humans are pretty smart; it’s just that we allow ourselves to become a little distracted at times”

In order to distract ourselves we do need our games. There are games that have been drawn up with intelligence, and there are those that are there, simply to entertain. It’s often the games that manipulate our emotions that are the most destructive. These games are played by manipulative adults to amuse themselves and have very little, if any, consideration for others. They’re played only for the sake of the game and the consequences for others are of no real concern.

It isn’t that the players don’t necessarily care, no, the problem is, they only care about how the outcome is likely to effect them. They’re often unable to empathise with others. Even if the consequences of the game were nuclear war, for example, it wouldn’t really matter to the player, whose only concern is for the self and winning. Especially if they have a nuclear bunker, ha ha.

“Anyway, if we want to exhibit the truly intelligent force-for-good that we are, all we need do, is slow-up a little”

Weighing up all the possible connotations and consequences of our actions takes time. If we don’t have the time to do this we must pass it on. Asking the questions, and then working out all the possible outcomes, takes time. Some decisions may need the work of several generations before the final choice is made. We’re all in far too much of a hurry. Slow down. Take a breath. We do this, and we increase the chances of things coming good, in the end.

We may not live to see these clever, well thought out, comings, and yet when we remove self-centeredness, (through maturing as a species) all we will then care about, is how the game comes out in the end. After all, the game of life, is not about winning or losing. No, believe it or not, the game of life is about survival. Survival is not winning, survival is caring about the outcome, for others. Some players seem to have lost track of these particular rules. Think things out.

In answer to the question at the top of the page: Does the belief we’re intelligent help or hinder us, the only way this will prove helpful, is if it’s coupled with another belief: We are thoughtful.

Educate

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Educate

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own expectations”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  

  

Intention: A Beautiful State of Mind

“There’s a certain chemistry required to achieve a beautiful state of mind”

When you’ve found it you’ll know it. It’s a place of calm certainty that’s felt when everything is just ‘so’ and you’ve let certain things go.

It’s not a state of mind to be maintained. We’re not looking for a constant, meditative state, where we’ve practically switched off. If we had that, we’d never get anything done . However, we do need moments of certainty, and moments of calm. Without them, there’s no rest and no pause from the madness, of modern life.

“The way we find this state is to set ourselves a goal and then reach a place in our minds where we just know – with absolute certainty – that we’re on the right track!”

There may not even be any kind of tangible results from our efforts yet. However, it’s just a sense that everything’s been setup, to the best of our current ability. Although we know we can’t sit back on our laurels for too long, we can give ourselves permission to rest awhile, and allow things to develop as we intend.

“Sometimes it’s good to give yourself permission to accept you’ve done your best; it’s enough. The universe can do without your input, at least for a short while, anyway”

There is one important question here though: What is your intention? We do need a little tension in our lives after all. It’s this tension that pulls us along and motivates us to take that next step. Contact Us if you’d like to know more about achieving A Beautiful State of Mind. We must remember: procrastination is the thief of time.    

Find the Peace Within Yourself – Retrospection

Retrospection

“It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?”

What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.

If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word taofuck. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.

We certainly don’t advocate the worlds belief: no pain no gain, as this would tie us up, with employing the methods used by the majority. You know the kind of thing: Keep busy, stiff-upper-lip, pills, alcohol, sex, doctors, money, consumerism, you name it, all the western world solutions, to tie us up in knots.

“So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease”

My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I’ve come to understand, it’s the examination of memories from early experiences, that enable us to take charge of any negative influence they may still hold over us.

There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I met many courageous souls, who’d reached a point in their lives, where time in my chair had become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection is the way and means to break free from the negative influences of the past.

As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.

Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.

“When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes”

The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection.

The cure to loneliness will never be recognition from others, just as the search for love outside of ourselves, will always prove fruitless. Those things you love about others are within you too. Retrospection might just help you know.

The Only Game to Play

king and queen

The first thing we must understand is how we’re currently all being played. It really doesn’t matter what’s being presented to us through the media, all we need know, is its nature: Gameplay.

If we look at the big picture, in terms of migration and the displacement of millions of people from war torn countries, this picture helps us understand how leaders are playing on the world stage.

For example, if a chemical attack were staged, what would this kind of plant serve? Would staging chemical attacks, give world leaders reason enough to get involved with a civil war, that’s raging out of control?

Is world war – all be it a proxy war in Syria – something human minds crave for? Humans enjoy fighting. Gameplay leads to an inevitable scrap. In fact, gameplay, is often the precursor, to a full blown ‘gloves off’ fight, on any playground.

“With all this said, let’s bring it all back down to earth again and talk about the individual”

From recent experience I fully understand the power of the majority view. Even if this view is at opposite ends of the scale. This scale could range from lackadaisical to warmongering, or passionate to indifferent, and it would still infect us all, when expressed by a majority. The majority view is very powerful yet not necessarily correct.

“Think about the majority view on alcohol. It was once believed, a small amount of piss was good for us, now we understand this to be bunkum”

The ability to set ourselves – above the game-view of the majority – is gained when we embrace our true individuality. In order to achieve this, it’s tempting to imagine this individuality, as superior in some way. All we’re likely to get through this attitude though, is membership to another majority group; and a very unpleasant one at that! Pointless. So no, separating ourselves from the majority, through believing in superiority, is counterproductive.

“We rise above the majority by embracing our individuality and changing the direction of our thinking” 

By being clear in our minds about what our purpose and direction is, and having this as our motivation, we raise our game; not through thinking we’re somehow superior, but through being led by cleverness. There’s no cleverness in thinking we’re superior. There is cleverness in believing our driving is one of compassion and love. With this understanding in place, the only game we need play, is one driven by the positive emotions they create.

It’s clearly stated in the rules of this game, if we want love for ourselves, the world and others, we must look to teach: – ‘those things we understand that others presently don’t.’ In other words, once we understand what the cleverness of love would do about war, we must then teach others about this.

And so:

What would love do about war? Would love find a peaceful resolution by making a smart move within the world-game? And if so, what can you, as the individual, do about this? Perhaps, all you’d need, is an understanding of the nature of the games we all play.

We can help you with that.        

When Poison is The Weapon of Choice

Poison

“We know the vast majority of people reading this blog are law abiding, loving citizens, and so the following thought experiment, is highly speculative and hypothetical”

Let’s say you wanted someone dead. That’s right, your mind is made up, and the only resolution to the issue is murder.

 

Oh yes, the ‘red mist’ has descended, and in our private thoughts we harbour murderous intentions. Thankfully these kind of thoughts rarely take the step from fantasy to reality. They’re usually very fleeting; not sustained enough to cause us, or the recipient of our thoughts, any harm at all.

So, hypothetically speaking, let’s say, on this occasion, the red mist hasn’t dissipated, and you’ve decided on murder. After some further thought you’ve also decided on the means: Poison. Yes indeed, poison is the weapon of choice.

There are many, many ways to take a life; dozens of ways we can inflict harm on another human being, and yet, poison has been chosen. Before we actually carry out our murderous intentions though, let’s just take a moment to examine exactly why this method.

It could simply be down to convenience, ease of use, or, as is most likely, it’s the delay before it takes effect that’s important. This time delay gives you, the perpetrator, time to escape after the trap has been laid. A bomb with a time delay would have the same effect, but this of course, would be extremely indiscriminate. Okay, if you’re a terrorist with indiscriminate killing, in mind. Our intention though, is to just kill one or two people.

“Also, let’s think about the nature of poison, and how it does its job. Once administered, what exactly are we thinking, and what does this say about us?”

In other words, what is the psychology, behind our choice of weapon? Everything we say and do to others is a clear indication of our true nature. If we stuck a knife in someone, for example, it’s potentially our anger that’s driven such a violent act. We’re more likely to be young and angry when using a knife.

The use of poison would suggest a more scheming, calmer, use of planning. Sure, anger may be at the seat of the driving, and yet we’re not so clouded by it, that we blindly lash out. We’re planning and scheming. We don’t want to get found out. We don’t want the weapon to be traced back to us in any way. Or if we do, it’s deliberate, and doubt can be cast on whether its origin, can really be authenticated.

“Perhaps we want to instil doubt and fear at the same time. The long game may be our intention. Disruption, of entire countries, might be our long term goal. We understand how to divide and conquer”

All things said, calculated acts of murder, are committed by those whose brains are unable to see peaceful paths. Revenge is driven by an inability to control emotions. We’re stuck with angry feelings that we believe can only be resolved through re-inflicting the hurt and harm we feel we’ve suffered.

When our power and control is threatened we commit murder. If someone is seen to have sold us out, so to speak, we must seek revenge or lose face. Those who give our secrets away are seen as traitors who must be destroyed. History is full of people who’ve been murdered simply because they’ve told the truth; revealed secrets. The secrets we all have. The lies we all hide behind.

“Words can be used as poison”

There are numerous cases of domestic abuse, where someone has taken their own life, as a result of being ground down, through years of verbal abuse from a partner. Tell someone they’re worthless, useless or hopeless for long enough, and eventually, they’ll believe it. Imagine the damage words of this nature do to the self-esteem of children. Either directly or when in earshot of parents arguing.

Poison has to be the most cruel and calculating way anyone can take another’s life. Those who use poison, be it through words or chemicals, are the worst kind of human. The worst kind, because this poison, is only an extension of what already exist within themselves: Hatred, cowardice and fear. Frightened, scheming cowards, use poison. We must be very wary.  Wary and aware of what does not exist within the mind of the poisoner too.

The Train of Your Thoughts

Train of Thoughts

What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? Do you actually have thoughts about one particular subject that override all others? Let’s really pin it down with three further questions. Do you have a passion? Do you have a healthy obsession? Is there something you want to achieve that requires most, if not all, of your attention?

Very successful people would answer in the positive to the majority of those questions. That’s the first thing to be clear on. If you want success, you’ve got to be dedicated, to your passion.

“The train of your thoughts refers directly to what we can describe as the driving force for success”

For a very long time I’ve fought the tendency for my mind to be slightly obsessional. In some ways, those who’re likely to advise me against obsessive thinking, would be correct. Let’s be specific though, obsessive thoughts, can fit into two categories:

  • Healthy, that drive positive outcomes
  • Unhealthy, that drive self-destructive outcomes

The fight against obsessive thinking is a little strange, and to some extent, is simply a battle between factions of the mind, whose ultimate aim, is the same: to decide the nature of life. Put another way, one part of the mind is contented to settle back for comfort, ease and stability, the other, longs for something more.

It comes down to mentality or beliefs. The mentality of seeking comfort, predictability and ease, is the consequence of childhood learnings. The mentality of seeking more, be that challenge, change or variety, is often one introduced to us much later in life. The battle that raged within me, was, in a sense, simply being fought between two sets of belief systems. The first driven by fear, the second driven by love.

When put this way it can seem a little simplistic, however, I’d prefer you viewed this as a ‘beautiful simplification.’

Now for the reason I say this. Once we breakdown, what can seem a jumble of unsolvable and confusing conflicts, into its most basic components, we stand a much greater chance of winning the battle for the best. And be in no doubt, we must ensure love, is the winner.

The mentality driven by fear, is the one that’s looking to avoid the unsettling things we associate with change and variety. Potentially, and especially if your childhood had similarities to mine, the time we found these things unsettling, was during our development. Were you insecure as a child?

As children we crave stability, structure and security. It’s true to say, when children, we do in fact require plenty of security and stability. Insecure children grow up to be insecure adults who may shy away from life enhancing activities. Show me someone who lives with depression and I’ll show you an insecure inner child.

“Where our next meal is coming from, where we go to sleep at night – surrounded by familiar people who love us – is very important. The line to draw here though, is this: we’re no longer children”

If you’ve been fortunate enough to have been shown powerful role models, that clearly distinguished between the security of childhood and the adventure of adulthood, all will be well. If not, you will need to find these role models, later in life. This does potentially have the downside of creating a battle between old and new, however, we must remember, every battle can be won.

Winning the battle is decided by train of thought. Decide to become actively involved with training your mind. Wake each day to remind yourself what each part of your mind is seeking, and decide what that higher part of your mind, wants. That’s to say, do you seek a life driven by fear, or one driven by love? It’s very, very easy, when seen in this light.

Be strong with yourself. Follow each link. Read them several times. Decide: is the driving fear, or is it love? It really is that simple,

Will it be you I get to spend time with this September? It starts here

The Locksmith #8 (Distracted By The Human Condition)

The Human Condition

The Locksmith had watched Emily leave the room, waited for Lord Harry (the little terrier dog) to return, before closing his eyes again. It took just a few moments for him to gain his composure.

Human behaviour often amazed, shocked, saddened and sometimes even amused The Locksmith.

It wasn’t so much unexpected – to hear the tales such as the one just recounted by Emily – it was more about how it made him feel. It was disappointing to him, that so many people didn’t see the deeper side of their behaviour; the real purpose to it.

Ultimately, it didn’t so much matter that their behaviour was destructive to themselves and others – time heals after all – it mattered that so many seemed ambivalent to it all. For he understood, when there’s indifference or ambivalence to anything, change will be slow, or fail altogether.

He understood how human indifference wasn’t necessarily their state of mind to begin with, for him though, it developed rather too quickly.

The perpetrators of harm rarely gave though to the damage they caused. Abusive acts, be they physical or emotional, were carried out with such disregard, it saddened him. This lack of empathy and consideration for others was what also amazed. How have they made it this far? He would puzzle.

He experienced equal measure of amazement and sadness, for how people had such low regard for themselves, and their lives. Life can be so beautiful when one takes a moment to stop. And to have such lack of regard for others, was often a clear reflection of the low regard they held for themselves, and all life in general.

All these unloved children, with empty souls, seeking what they lacked.

The Locksmith also understood, the self-centered nature of human children, often never left them. Was being taught ‘out’ of this, through educating children about the dangers of self-centeredness, being overlooked? He would meditate on such questions. If the only concern, is for satisfaction of the self, humans will begin to lose the very thing that’s made them so successful: Their togetherness. His mind would answer the questions. It was the questions that mattered.

It seemed to him, that the need for power and control over each other, remained at the heart of so many of their troubles. The playground games, of winning or losing favour with each other, was a constant. Taking sides, building allegiances; general bullying and tittle-tattle was also there. All games created by the children seeking power, attention, and above all, love.

At times it became a distraction for him. His awareness of this was an annoyance.

He did have better things to be thinking of. For example, what was the nature of the seed he’d been sent here to plant? He knew it had a lot to do with the human concept of love. A flawed concept, though it was.

When something isn’t universally understood, it becomes a struggle to find it’s true power, as confusion tends to defuses it. His thoughts often concluded with the realisation of it flawed nature, yet he was always soothed, by its usefulness. It is the best they’ve come up with, to explain their feelings, he would surmise.

Having regained his composure his thoughts returned to Emily. Dear, dear Emily. Such a lonely child. Could he not say the same about all the people he’d met?

Reaching out to her again he sensed her pain ebbing. In his mind’s eye, he saw her walked away, back to a life, better understood. He knew the whole purpose to her life was love, just not one, she yet fully understood. The sooner the better he thought.

The Self-Help Phenomenon

Self-help

The self-help phenomenon was kicked off by a gentleman called Samuel Smiles, and it still stands to reason today; if you want to change your world (the world), it starts with you.

“It’s a tangled web that we humans weave”

In the struggle for power and dominance we’re told what to do, when to do it and how. The power of the individual is even being questioned by some intellectuals (never trust a man in a bow tie). Individuality is being blamed for the breakdown of society. Those who think this are victims to their fear of being alone. They fear their loss of power over others.

When we really consider the power of individuality we clearly see that this is in no way to blame for society’s problems. Indeed taking responsibility for oneself, and then living by this example, helps us all and repairs the broken bonds of society. It all depends on how you look at it.

If, for example, we mix up individuality with self-centeredness, confusion starts. When we teach the importance of being an individual, along with the togetherness of our humanity, all is well. Individuality is not at the expense of others and society, in its true sense, when you’re okay, everyone is okay.  Living by the example, of taking full responsibility for ourselves, especially when the driver for this is compassion and love, a beautiful bond is created.

“Self-help achieves this, not through being self-centered – which is the concern only for the self – but through consideration and concern for the world and everything in it”

We can’t have true self-help if we somehow think we’re better or superior to anyone else. In fact our need to improve our-selves is a reflection of concern for the wellbeing of everyone else. More human than human is when we see the inescapable bonds of our humanity and recognise our equalness.

Rich and famous or poor and unknown, we’re all equal. Royalty or factory worker we’re all equal. It’s only the beliefs that we’re better or worse that separate us. Being born into royalty no doubt creates a separateness. For example, Prince Harry believes the royal family is a “force for good.” Does this mean that many others are a force for bad?

What if you’re underprivileged and born into disadvantage? Does this make you a force for good or bad? Breaking from the bonds of the expectations, underprivileged and disadvantaged create, surely makes you neither. It just makes you wise.

If prince Harry were correct in his belief, we can only wonder why he, and the royal family as a whole, don’t take it upon themselves to step down off their royal pedestals. What stops them from dismantling the whole concept of royalty. For prince harry to be correct he’d need to recognise how the whole concept of royalty does more damage than good. We can’t escape how the word royalty is synonymous with ‘better.’

Religious leaders are no different. They hold delusional beliefs that suit their need for higher status in life (can you get any higher than working for God?). The only status we really need is that of recognition of our equalness. You and I are equal. If we all saw this through raising our awareness with self-help, well, what can I say?

“The tangled web is the need for power, control and dominance; most of which, are driven by fear”

Imagine being a King, Queen or Prince that suddenly decided to separate themselves from their warm cushion of royalty. That would take some courage now wouldn’t it? I don’t see that courage in royalty just yet, however, I do see it in those who wake everyday to disadvantage.

Remember: it’s those who break from being disadvantaged and underprivileged that are the true courageous. They don’t do this through fear or delusion, they do this through belief in their humanity, and concern for the self of everyone. You’ll not properly succeed at self-help without it.

Ultimately, once we have the ‘I’m okay you’re okay’ mentioned early, we’re able to be accepting; even of those who delude themselves into thinking they’re better than us. I’m okay you’re okay is the ability to accept the delusions of others. What this doesn’t do though, is make delusion correct. A delusion will always have been created as a form of escape from reality. The reality is, you and I are exactly equal in our humanity, and it’s the acceptance of the good and bad within us all, that makes it so.    

Untangle your web.

Focusing The Human Will

Sexual Harassment

“I notice in the news this morning the actress Emma Watson has donated £1m to a new campaign aimed at helping those affected by harassment”

It’s a certain fact that sexual harassment is an uncomfortable and unsavoury aspect to human behaviour.

During my early twenties I qualified and worked as a driving instructor. During this time, I met some lovely and interesting people, who I successfully helped gain their driving licenses. Also, during this time, I can remember being sexually harassed. It wasn’t too common but it went on. Allow me to list some of the more memorable incidences:

  • Asked by a transvestite I was teaching in Birmingham if I liked cock (not keen, ugly things really).
  • Also whilst instructing in Birmingham I was inappropriately approached by several predatory gay men.
  • Whilst working for BSM I was harassed for sex by a fellow female instructor, who made her desires clear, by suggestively sucking bananas in the office during our lunch and tea breaks. She did this so often it just got boring in the end.
  • Harassed by a student who, during her lessons, liked to talk about sex and what she ‘got up to’ with her partner. Very active young couple I can tell you.
  • Accused by an employer’s wife of “having my brains in my balls” whilst making it quite clear she thought this okay.
  • A young woman, who’d just successfully passed her test, placed her hand on my knee, thanked me, and then handed over her phone number and told me if there was anything I needed I should call her. My wedding ring was clear to see by all those who inappropriately propositioned me.
  • Held in a bear hug and lifted of the ground by a fellow instructor (with an erection) whilst he told me all I had to do, was think of myself as really heavy, and he wouldn’t be able to lift me off the ground. Something to do with martial arts apparently. I understood this later as a ploy for him to get his jollies by rubbing his erection up against me. I discovered some years later, he’d been jailed for sexual abusing children, he’d ‘taught’ martial arts. Are those guys properly vetted these days?

Anyway, the young, naive (and happily married) twenty something that I was, simply brushed these uncomfortable encounters off, chalking them down to experience. I was quite aware of the reputation driving instructors had (it’s pure fiction), yet it remained clear to me what my intentions were: To earn a living doing a job I enjoyed.

“Sex for humans comes very high on the agenda”

Many humans spend a lot of time thinking about it; less as we grow older, I suppose. You name it though, we humans like to do it. From golden showers, to having sex with animals whilst taking a dump, it’s all up there. And you know what? Who cares. So what. Isn’t it time to wake up to the truth instead of fighting amongst ourselves?

Men are sexually harassed on a daily basis. I clearly remember an old friend of mine (who really, really liked sex) telling me, woman have a clitoris just as you have a penis mate, so get out there, and get yourself some. After my marriage fell apart I certainly took his advice. Those clitorises certainly do drive you girls to distraction don’t they?

“Denial, it’s so destructive”

Best policy, as I’ve always advocated, is to properly educate our children. We must teach them the why and how of it all. We must teach them how to tame the often destructive natural impulses we humans have. Once again boundaries and respect for each other come into play. When we teach our children, about what there is to gain from being polite and respectful to each other, magic can happen.

We must keep in mind though, no matter how polite and respectful we are, others will look to take that from us, and infect us with their dysfunctional behaviour. Not being able to restrain and control our impulses (natural or otherwise) is definitely a disfunction that needs addressing. I wonder if Emma Watson would be prepared to donate a further million to that particular educational program? Doubt it, there’s no revenge, drama, pain or blame in that game, is there?

“Focusing the sexual energy of the human mind – or sublimation as the more enlightened like to call it – is a beautiful skill many would gain from”

When will we teach, with necessary transparency – the predatory nature of the human animal – to children? Enlightened children, who have a greater chance of actually becoming fully grown adults, will effortlessly deal with sexual harassment. The best means of doing this is through transparent-honesty and to cease fuelling the fire’s of denial and ignorance.

Men harass women for sex and women harass men, get over it, and learn how to defend yourselves. My means of defence – as a very sexy and desirable twenty-something – was to simply rise above it. They had poor control . . . and? Their issue, not mine. The next time you feel you’re being sexually harassed, how about making things clear to your abuser, by simply stating this:

“You have poor boundaries and poor control over yourself, look up the word sublimation, with all that energy appropriately focused, imagine what you could achieve”

My dear fellow humans, learn this off by heart, you may find it extremely beneficial.