Knowing The Self – What There Is To Gain

I feel this has a lot to do with confidence. This is to say, the better we know ourselves, in terms of what we like, dislike our drivings and shortcomings, the more self-assured we become.

“Self-assured is having the confidence to communicate what we want (or don’t want) in clear and exact terms to those around us”

In my last post, I indirectly spoke of how important it is, to discontinue the habit of suffering fools gladly. Contrary to what’s stated here, it can never be wise, to suffer fools gladly. The negative influences of fools, are so far reaching, it will always be far, far better, to remove yourself from their lives completely.  

If we’re tired of someone’s conversation, or company for that matter, we must be prepared to acknowledge this to ourselves. Once we do, we’re then much better equipped to find gentle, yet assertive ways, of getting what we want.

“What we want could simply be freedom from the negative influences of other people”

For the majority of our lives many of us find it difficult to assert our true wants. We tolerate the behaviour of others – even though it keeps us frustrated, annoyed and potentially stuck – simply because of fear. The fear we might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Also, our outdated need to be liked and approved of by others, is so great, it only adds to our unnecessary, high tolerance, toward them. Even though we know their behaviour is inappropriate or backward we continue to tolerated it.

And so, the ability to free ourselves – using the game highlighted here – requires a high degree of confidence and self-assurance. Confidence, combined with self-assurance, lowers our tolerance threshold toward idiots. Knowing ourselves better, so we may update our thinking, empowers us to get our wants and needs met.

“Eventually there comes a point when the pressure valve blows, far better to assert our wants and needs, now”

Once we understand ourselves better, we gain the confidence to become self-assured enough to get our true wants and needs met. Tolerating the backward inhibiting nature of others ceases once we begin to assert ourselves.

With all this in mind, it is important to be aware, of an important fact: It is impossible to embark on a journey of self-discovery alone. When embarking on this path, we always, always require, the assistance of others, .

So join us. We’re the people who’ve already taken this road, but have turned back, so we may help you find the love and beauty, rightfully deserved, in your life.

Enrolment, on a Personal Development Weekend Workshop, involves the simple process of completing the on-line application form here.

How to Defend the Empath

“A modern term banded about nowadays is that of being an Empath. It’s really just a way of describing those who have a particularly overblown sensitivity to the mental or emotional state of another”

One of the main reasons for this sensitivity, I believe, comes as a result of the empath being very in touch with themselves. Those of us who have a good understanding of what it is to ‘know oneself’ do tend to display above average empathic abilities.

There is of course disadvantage, as much as there is advantage, to being an empath. The empath can find themselves easily affected by the behaviour of others. They can also tend to be highly suggestible, and effected by others moods, to such a degree, they’re often swept along by the moment.

There are times when the majority of us, and not just highly empathic people, become all too aware of the unpalatable and unpleasant aspects of human nature. Under such circumstances, we must all know how to protect ourselves, from its effects.

We must distract ourselves by focusing our minds on the more positive aspects of human nature. Becoming more involved with the world around us will also help. Move attention, away from the feelings center, and more toward the other senses.

“I clearly remember telling a trainee therapist one time, how, if she ever felt emotional – at an inappropriate moment – she’d find it useful to look upward”

This is done in order to take the mind out of our feelings or kinesthetic sense. You’ll often see this when people are unconsciously seeking to control tearfulness. Conscious awareness of this phenomenon (of moving eyes upward) awards us greater control.

When it comes to greater control, one last thing for us to look at today, is that of how easily empathic people can be emotionally manipulated. This is simply due to their high degree of awareness: the moods of others become theirs. When others are sad so are they, when others are happy, so are they. With this in mind, the clever, abusive manipulator, has the empath in the palm of their hand.

“An uncomfortable paradox for the empath is they’ve often experienced neglect, and other kinds of abuse, during childhood”

And to add insult to injury, as adults, they can also easily find themselves in the hands of abusers. Paradoxically, this is due to survival skills established during childhood, creating vulnerability (if not understood) in adulthood.

Be aware: if you are empathic there are times when your mind, is quite literally, not your own. Taking back control involves detaching yourself from certain senses. Move your mind onto other things. Allowing yourself to be distracted from the moods of others, may be necessary, to take back control of your mind. As odd as it sounds, you may need to start caring, slightly less.

Expensive Habits

“My counterpart at The Freedman College – Phil Whittingham – spent many years working as a Clinical and Analytical Hypnotherapist”

In his capacity as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, he treated many individuals, helping them break bad habits. The most obviously and well known of those is that of smoking.

At that time, twenty years ago, smoking was of course less expensive than it is today. Nevertheless, it was still an expensive habit even then, and so when we think of what it costs to smoke twenty cigarettes a day now, it quite takes the breath away (cough). We’re talking about approximately £3.360 per year.

More than anything, when looking at figures like that, my first thoughts turn to time and energy. How much time do we need to spend at work, earning this money, so we’re then able to pay for something that’s shortening our lives? For most people it’s a no brainer. That said, millions of people still smoke here in the UK. The figures are staggering if you care to look.

“As far as we’re concerned, the crux of the matter, is understanding the root of the issue”

Looking at the figures already mentioned, it’s easy to see the continuance of smoking – and most other addictions – as something that defies logic. It’s illogical, to continue doing something that costs us so much in time and energy, yet we continue. Why?

The simple answer is, this kind of habitual behaviour, is beyond our conscious control. The alternative – a person in full control of their mind – is no doubt puzzled, and somewhat dismayed, by the self-destructive nature of his fellow humans. Puzzled because unless we’ve actually experienced how it feels to have a hopeless addiction, it can be hard to understand, and sympathise with.

Even though we may find it hard, it’s important to remember, much of the root to addiction is driven by a sense of emptiness, guilt and indeed unhappiness. Without the fleeting satisfaction (and relief from guilt) one gets from feeding an addiction, the addicted, feel they’ll have problems coping. The belief is the addiction actually helps them cope. Looked at objectively, in the long term, all unhealthy addictions do in fact worsen the situation. An example of belief defying logic if ever there was one. Beliefs often do this, consider how religious beliefs defy, all logic.

“All things said, the degree of control we have over our minds relates closely to awareness”

Once we’re aware of the root to our addictions and compulsive behaviour we’re better able to gain control. The birthplace of our beliefs and self-destructive behaviour is often buried beneath our conscious awareness. Once we become aware, the affect, is to increase choice. If we’re aware of the driving forces behind self-destructive behaviour, but continue in the same vein, this surley makes it a deliberate act. A different matter entirely.

“A conscious choice, into throwing oneself of a building, is very different to the slow suicide of smoking?”

We can contribute so many destructive patterns, and our seeming inability to control them, to our lack of conscious awareness. Part of gaining full control over our lives, comes from the ability to question the usefulness of compulsive, habitual behaviour. Being able to spend more time doing the things we enjoy, through ridding ourselves of expensive habits, and the feelings and beliefs that drive them, is within everyone’s grasp. We do this through raising the level of our awareness.

It could be that we have no bad habits and yet feel the need for better control over our future plans and life. Either way, we must take some time to consider how time and energy, well invested, can help smooth out and lengthen this extraordinary journey through life.

Right from the off, our unique style of Personal Development, opens up this process through introducing mindfulness and meditation. A well understood method of raising our awareness. Check out our schedule here.

A True Intelligence

“We humans believe we’re intelligent”

The question is: does this belief help or hinder us?

There are those who would say that you are what you believe, i.e, if you believe you’re intelligent, then you will be. However we must consider the yardstick we’re measuring ourselves against. How do we know we’re intelligent?

Science fiction often presumes there to be far more advanced civilisations out there, and to some extent, even creates concepts and ideas only an advanced lifeform could conceive of. Doesn’t the fact we’re able to do that mean we are in fact intelligent; that we are a higher intelligence.

“Believing something doesn’t make it a fact”

It’s so often the case that we allow commerce, money and growth, to come before intelligence is it not? Consider the packaging industry. Surely there’s been a lack of forethought in respect of the materials they use. The amount of plastic produced is out of control, and this is surely due to a lack of forethought, and future projection. It really isn’t rocket science. All we needed to do, was think about the rather indestructible nature of plastic, and then think about how life would be, if nearly every-product-on-the-high-street were wrapped in it. Suffocating to think about.

“Nevertheless it is actually true to say, we humans are pretty smart; it’s just that we allow ourselves to become a little distracted at times”

In order to distract ourselves we do need our games. There are games that have been drawn up with intelligence, and there are those that are there, simply to entertain. It’s often the games that manipulate our emotions that are the most destructive. These games are played by manipulative adults to amuse themselves and have very little, if any, consideration for others. They’re played only for the sake of the game and the consequences for others are of no real concern.

It isn’t that the players don’t necessarily care, no, the problem is, they only care about how the outcome is likely to effect them. They’re often unable to empathise with others. Even if the consequences of the game were nuclear war, for example, it wouldn’t really matter to the player, whose only concern is for the self and winning. Especially if they have a nuclear bunker, ha ha.

“Anyway, if we want to exhibit the truly intelligent force-for-good that we are, all we need do, is slow-up a little”

Weighing up all the possible connotations and consequences of our actions takes time. If we don’t have the time to do this we must pass it on. Asking the questions, and then working out all the possible outcomes, takes time. Some decisions may need the work of several generations before the final choice is made. We’re all in far too much of a hurry. Slow down. Take a breath. We do this, and we increase the chances of things coming good, in the end.

We may not live to see these clever, well thought out, comings, and yet when we remove self-centeredness, (through maturing as a species) all we will then care about, is how the game comes out in the end. After all, the game of life, is not about winning or losing. No, believe it or not, the game of life is about survival. Survival is not winning, survival is caring about the outcome, for others. Some players seem to have lost track of these particular rules. Think things out.

In answer to the question at the top of the page: Does the belief we’re intelligent help or hinder us, the only way this will prove helpful, is if it’s coupled with another belief: We are thoughtful.

Educate

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Educate

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own expectations”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  

  

In-tention: A Beautiful State of Mind

“There’s a certain chemistry required to achieve a beautiful state of mind”

When you’ve found it you’ll know it. It’s a place of calm certainty that’s felt when everything is just ‘so’ and you’ve let certain things go.

It’s not a state of mind to be maintained. We’re not looking for a constant, meditative state, where we’ve practically switched off. If we had that, we’d never get anything done . However, we do need moments of certainty, and moments of calm. Without them, there’s no rest and no pause from the madness, of modern life.

“The way we find this state is to set ourselves a goal and then reach a place in our minds where we just know – with absolute certainty – that we’re on the right track!”

There may not even be any kind of tangible results from our efforts yet. However, it’s just a sense that everything’s been setup, to the best of our current ability. Although we know we can’t sit back on our laurels for too long, we can give ourselves permission to rest awhile, and allow things to develop as we intend.

“Sometimes it’s good to give yourself permission to accept you’ve done your best; it’s enough. The universe can do without your input, at least for a short while, anyway”

There is one important question here though: What is your in-tention? We do need a little tension in our lives after all. It’s this tension that pulls us along and motivates us to take that next step. Contact Us if you’d like to know more about achieving A Beautiful State of Mind. We must remember: procrastination is the thief of time.    

Find the Peace Within Yourself – Retrospection

“It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?”

What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.

If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word taofuck. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.

We certainly don’t advocate the worlds belief: no pain no gain, as this would tie us up, with employing the methods used by the majority. You know the kind of thing: Keep busy, stiff-upper-lip, pills, alcohol, sex, doctors, money, consumerism, you name it, all the western world solutions, to tie us up in knots.

“So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease”

My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I’ve come to understand, it’s the examination of memories from early experiences, that enable us to take charge of any negative influence they may still hold over us.

There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I met many courageous souls, who’d reached a point in their lives, where time in my chair had become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection is the way and means to break free from the negative influences of the past.

As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.

Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.

“When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes”

The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection.

The cure to loneliness will never be recognition from others, just as the search for love outside of ourselves, will always prove fruitless. Those things you love about others are within you too. Retrospection might just help you know.

The Only Game to Play

king and queen

The first thing we must understand is how we’re currently all being played. It really doesn’t matter what’s being presented to us through the media, all we need know, is its nature: Gameplay.

If we look at the big picture, in terms of migration and the displacement of millions of people from war torn countries, this picture helps us understand how leaders are playing on the world stage.

For example, if a chemical attack were staged, what would this kind of plant serve? Would staging chemical attacks, give world leaders reason enough to get involved with a civil war, that’s raging out of control?

Is world war – all be it a proxy war in Syria – something human minds crave for? Humans enjoy fighting. Gameplay leads to an inevitable scrap. In fact, gameplay, is often the precursor, to a full blown ‘gloves off’ fight, on any playground.

“With all this said, let’s bring it all back down to earth again and talk about the individual”

From recent experience I fully understand the power of the majority view. Even if this view is at opposite ends of the scale. This scale could range from lackadaisical to warmongering, or passionate to indifferent, and it would still infect us all, when expressed by a majority. The majority view is very powerful yet not necessarily correct.

“Think about the majority view on alcohol. It was once believed, a small amount of piss was good for us, now we understand this to be bunkum”

The ability to set ourselves – above the game-view of the majority – is gained when we embrace our true individuality. In order to achieve this, it’s tempting to imagine this individuality, as superior in some way. All we’re likely to get through this attitude though, is membership to another majority group; and a very unpleasant one at that! Pointless. So no, separating ourselves from the majority, through believing in superiority, is counterproductive.

“We rise above the majority by embracing our individuality and changing the direction of our thinking” 

By being clear in our minds about what our purpose and direction is, and having this as our motivation, we raise our game; not through thinking we’re somehow superior, but through being led by cleverness. There’s no cleverness in thinking we’re superior. There is cleverness in believing our driving is one of compassion and love. With this understanding in place, the only game we need play, is one driven by the positive emotions they create.

It’s clearly stated in the rules of this game, if we want love for ourselves, the world and others, we must look to teach: – ‘those things we understand that others presently don’t.’ In other words, once we understand what the cleverness of love would do about war, we must then teach others about this.

And so:

What would love do about war? Would love find a peaceful resolution by making a smart move within the world-game? And if so, what can you, as the individual, do about this? Perhaps, all you’d need, is an understanding of the nature of the games we all play.

We can help you with that.        

When Poison is The Weapon of Choice

“We know the vast majority of people reading this blog are law abiding, loving citizens, and so the following thought experiment, is highly speculative and hypothetical”

Let’s say you wanted someone dead. That’s right, your mind is made up, and the only resolution to the issue is murder.

Oh yes, the ‘red mist’ has descended, and in our private thoughts we harbour murderous intentions. Thankfully these kind of thoughts rarely take the step from fantasy to reality. They’re usually very fleeting; not sustained enough to cause us, or the recipient of our thoughts, any harm at all.

So, hypothetically speaking, let’s say, on this occasion, the red mist hasn’t dissipated, and you’ve decided on murder. After some further thought you’ve also decided on the means: Poison. Yes indeed, poison is the weapon of choice.

There are many, many ways to take a life; dozens of ways we can inflict harm on another human being, and yet, poison has been chosen. Before we actually carry out our murderous intentions though, let’s just take a moment to examine exactly why this method.

It could simply be down to convenience, ease of use, or, as is most likely, it’s the delay before it takes effect that’s important. This time delay gives you, the perpetrator, time to escape after the trap has been laid. A bomb with a time delay would have the same effect, but this of course, would be extremely indiscriminate. Okay, if you’re a terrorist with indiscriminate killing, in mind. Our intention though, is to just kill one or two people.

“Also, let’s think about the nature of poison, and how it does its job. Once administered, what exactly are we thinking, and what does this say about us?”

In other words, what is the psychology, behind our choice of weapon? Everything we say and do to others is a clear indication of our true nature. If we stuck a knife in someone, for example, it’s potentially our anger that’s driven such a violent act. We’re more likely to be young and angry when using a knife.

The use of poison would suggest a more scheming, calmer, use of planning. Sure, anger may be at the seat of the driving, and yet we’re not so clouded by it, that we blindly lash out. We’re planning and scheming. We don’t want to get found out. We don’t want the weapon to be traced back to us in any way. Or if we do, it’s deliberate, and doubt can be cast on whether its origin, can really be authenticated.

“Perhaps we want to instil doubt and fear at the same time. The long game may be our intention. Disruption, of entire countries, might be our long term goal. We understand how to divide and conquer”

All things said, calculated acts of murder, are committed by those whose brains are unable to see peaceful paths. Revenge is driven by an inability to control emotions. We’re stuck with angry feelings that we believe can only be resolved through re-inflicting the hurt and harm we feel we’ve suffered.

When our power and control is threatened we commit murder. If someone is seen to have sold us out, so to speak, we must seek revenge or lose face. Those who give our secrets away are seen as traitors who must be destroyed. History is full of people who’ve been murdered simply because they’ve told the truth; revealed secrets. The secrets we all have. The lies we all hide behind.

“Words can be used as poison”

There are numerous cases of domestic abuse, where someone has taken their own life, as a result of being ground down, through years of verbal abuse from a partner. Tell someone they’re worthless, useless or hopeless for long enough, and eventually, they’ll believe it. Imagine the damage words of this nature do to the self-esteem of children. Either directly or when in earshot of parents arguing.

Poison has to be the most cruel and calculating way anyone can take another’s life. Those who use poison, be it through words or chemicals, are the worst kind of human. The worst kind, because this poison, is only an extension of what already exist within themselves: Hatred, cowardice and fear. Frightened, scheming cowards, use poison. We must be very wary.  Wary and aware of what does not exist within the mind of the poisoner too.

The Train of Your Thoughts

What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? Do you actually have thoughts about one particular subject that override all others? Let’s really pin it down with three further questions. Do you have a passion? Do you have a healthy obsession? Is there something you want to achieve that requires most, if not all, of your attention?

Very successful people would answer in the positive to the majority of those questions. That’s the first thing to be clear on. If you want success, you’ve got to be dedicated, to your passion.

“The train of your thoughts refers directly to what we can describe as the driving force for success”

For a very long time I’ve fought the tendency for my mind to be slightly obsessional. In some ways, those who’re likely to advise me against obsessive thinking, would be correct. Let’s be specific though, obsessive thoughts, can fit into two categories:

  • Healthy, that drive positive outcomes
  • Unhealthy, that drive self-destructive outcomes

The fight against obsessive thinking is a little strange, and to some extent, is simply a battle between factions of the mind, whose ultimate aim, is the same: to decide the nature of life. Put another way, one part of the mind is contented to settle back for comfort, ease and stability, the other, longs for something more.

It comes down to mentality or beliefs. The mentality of seeking comfort, predictability and ease, is the consequence of childhood learnings. The mentality of seeking more, be that challenge, change or variety, is often one introduced to us much later in life. The battle that raged within me, was, in a sense, simply being fought between two sets of belief systems. The first driven by fear, the second driven by love.

When put this way it can seem a little simplistic, however, I’d prefer you viewed this as a ‘beautiful simplification.’

Now for the reason I say this. Once we breakdown, what can seem a jumble of unsolvable and confusing conflicts, into its most basic components, we stand a much greater chance of winning the battle for the best. And be in no doubt, we must ensure love, is the winner.

The mentality driven by fear, is the one that’s looking to avoid the unsettling things we associate with change and variety. Potentially, and especially if your childhood had similarities to mine, the time we found these things unsettling, was during our development. Were you insecure as a child?

As children we crave stability, structure and security. It’s true to say, when children, we do in fact require plenty of security and stability. Insecure children grow up to be insecure adults who may shy away from life enhancing activities. Show me someone who lives with depression and I’ll show you an insecure inner child.

“Where our next meal is coming from, where we go to sleep at night – surrounded by familiar people who love us – is very important. The line to draw here though, is this: we’re no longer children”

If you’ve been fortunate enough to have been shown powerful role models, that clearly distinguished between the security of childhood and the adventure of adulthood, all will be well. If not, you will need to find these role models, later in life. This does potentially have the downside of creating a battle between old and new, however, we must remember, every battle can be won.

Winning the battle is decided by train of thought. Decide to become actively involved with training your mind. Wake each day to remind yourself what each part of your mind is seeking, and decide what that higher part of your mind, wants. That’s to say, do you seek a life driven by fear, or one driven by love? It’s very, very easy, when seen in this light.

Be strong with yourself. Follow each link. Read them several times. Decide: is the driving fear, or is it love? It really is that simple,

Will it be you I get to spend time with this September? It starts here

The Locksmith #8 (Distracted By The Human Condition)

The Human Condition

The Locksmith had watched Emily leave the room, waited for Lord Harry (the little terrier dog) to return, before closing his eyes again. It took just a few moments for him to gain his composure.

Human behaviour often amazed, shocked, saddened and sometimes even amused The Locksmith.

It wasn’t so much unexpected – to hear the tales such as the one just recounted by Emily – it was more about how it made him feel. It was disappointing to him, that so many people didn’t see the deeper side of their behaviour; the real purpose to it.

Ultimately, it didn’t so much matter that their behaviour was destructive to themselves and others – time heals after all – it mattered that so many seemed ambivalent to it all. For he understood, when there’s indifference or ambivalence to anything, change will be slow, or fail altogether.

He understood how human indifference wasn’t necessarily their state of mind to begin with, for him though, it developed rather too quickly.

The perpetrators of harm rarely gave though to the damage they caused. Abusive acts, be they physical or emotional, were carried out with such disregard, it saddened him. This lack of empathy and consideration for others was what also amazed. How have they made it this far? He would puzzle.

He experienced equal measure of amazement and sadness, for how people had such low regard for themselves, and their lives. Life can be so beautiful when one takes a moment to stop. And to have such lack of regard for others, was often a clear reflection of the low regard they held for themselves, and all life in general.

All these unloved children, with empty souls, seeking what they lacked.

The Locksmith also understood, the self-centered nature of human children, often never left them. Was being taught ‘out’ of this, through educating children about the dangers of self-centeredness, being overlooked? He would meditate on such questions. If the only concern, is for satisfaction of the self, humans will begin to lose the very thing that’s made them so successful: Their togetherness. His mind would answer the questions. It was the questions that mattered.

It seemed to him, that the need for power and control over each other, remained at the heart of so many of their troubles. The playground games, of winning or losing favour with each other, was a constant. Taking sides, building allegiances; general bullying and tittle-tattle was also there. All games created by the children seeking power, attention, and above all, love.

At times it became a distraction for him. His awareness of this was an annoyance.

He did have better things to be thinking of. For example, what was the nature of the seed he’d been sent here to plant? He knew it had a lot to do with the human concept of love. A flawed concept, though it was.

When something isn’t universally understood, it becomes a struggle to find it’s true power, as confusion tends to defuses it. His thoughts often concluded with the realisation of it flawed nature, yet he was always soothed, by its usefulness. It is the best they’ve come up with, to explain their feelings, he would surmise.

Having regained his composure his thoughts returned to Emily. Dear, dear Emily. Such a lonely child. Could he not say the same about all the people he’d met?

Reaching out to her again he sensed her pain ebbing. In his mind’s eye, he saw her walked away, back to a life, better understood. He knew the whole purpose to her life was love, just not one, she yet fully understood. The sooner the better he thought.

The Self-Help Phenomenon

Self-Help

The self-help phenomenon was kicked off by a gentleman called Samuel Smiles, and it still stands to reason today; if you want to change your world (the world), it starts with you.

“It’s a tangled web that we humans weave”

In the struggle for power and dominance we’re told what to do, when to do it and how. The power of the individual is even being questioned by some intellectuals (never trust a man in a bow tie). Individuality is being blamed for the breakdown of society. Those who think this are victims to their fear of being alone. They fear their loss of power over others.

When we really consider the power of individuality we clearly see that this is in no way to blame for society’s problems. Indeed taking responsibility for oneself, and then living by this example, helps us all and repairs the broken bonds of society. It all depends on how you look at it.

If, for example, we mix up individuality with self-centeredness, confusion starts. When we teach the importance of being an individual, along with the togetherness of our humanity, all is well. Individuality is not at the expense of others and society, in its true sense, when you’re okay, everyone is okay.  Living by the example, of taking full responsibility for ourselves, especially when the driver for this is compassion and love, a beautiful bond is created.

“Self-help achieves this, not through being self-centered – which is the concern only for the self – but through consideration and concern for the world and everything in it”

We can’t have true self-help if we somehow think we’re better or superior to anyone else. In fact our need to improve our-selves is a reflection of concern for the wellbeing of everyone else. More human than human is when we see the inescapable bonds of our humanity and recognise our equalness.

Rich and famous or poor and unknown, we’re all equal. Royalty or factory worker we’re all equal. It’s only the beliefs that we’re better or worse that separate us. Being born into royalty no doubt creates a separateness. For example, Prince Harry believes the royal family is a “force for good.” Does this mean that many others are a force for bad?

What if you’re underprivileged and born into disadvantage? Does this make you a force for good or bad? Breaking from the bonds of the expectations, underprivileged and disadvantaged create, surely makes you neither. It just makes you wise.

If prince Harry were correct in his belief, we can only wonder why he, and the royal family as a whole, don’t take it upon themselves to step down off their royal pedestals. What stops them from dismantling the whole concept of royalty. For prince harry to be correct he’d need to recognise how the whole concept of royalty does more damage than good. We can’t escape how the word royalty is synonymous with ‘better.’

Religious leaders are no different. They hold delusional beliefs that suit their need for higher status in life (can you get any higher than working for God?). The only status we really need is that of recognition of our equalness. You and I are equal. If we all saw this through raising our awareness with self-help, well, what can I say?

“The tangled web is the need for power, control and dominance; most of which, are driven by fear”

Imagine being a King, Queen or Prince that suddenly decided to separate themselves from their warm cushion of royalty. That would take some courage now wouldn’t it? I don’t see that courage in royalty just yet, however, I do see it in those who wake everyday to disadvantage.

Remember: it’s those who break from being disadvantaged and underprivileged that are the true courageous. They don’t do this through fear or delusion, they do this through belief in their humanity, and concern for the self of everyone. You’ll not properly succeed at self-help without it.

Ultimately, once we have the ‘I’m okay you’re okay’ mentioned early, we’re able to be accepting; even of those who delude themselves into thinking they’re better than us. I’m okay you’re okay is the ability to accept the delusions of others. What this doesn’t do though, is make delusion correct. A delusion will always have been created as a form of escape from reality. The reality is, you and I are exactly equal in our humanity, and it’s the acceptance of the good and bad within us all, that makes it so.    

Untangle your web.

Focusing The Human Will

Sexual Harassment

“I notice in the news this morning the actress Emma Watson has donated £1m to a new campaign aimed at helping those affected by harassment”

It’s a certain fact that sexual harassment is an uncomfortable and unsavoury aspect to human behaviour.

During my early twenties I qualified and worked as a driving instructor. During this time, I met some lovely and interesting people, who I successfully helped gain their driving licenses. Also, during this time, I can remember being sexually harassed. It wasn’t too common but it went on. Allow me to list some of the more memorable incidences:

  • Asked by a transvestite I was teaching in Birmingham if I liked cock (not keen, ugly things really).
  • Also whilst instructing in Birmingham I was inappropriately approached by several predatory gay men.
  • Whilst working for BSM I was harassed for sex by a fellow female instructor, who made her desires clear, by suggestively sucking bananas in the office during our lunch and tea breaks. She did this so often it just got boring in the end.
  • Harassed by a student who, during her lessons, liked to talk about sex and what she ‘got up to’ with her partner. Very active young couple I can tell you.
  • Accused by an employer’s wife of “having my brains in my balls” whilst making it quite clear she thought this okay.
  • A young woman, who’d just successfully passed her test, placed her hand on my knee, thanked me, and then handed over her phone number and told me if there was anything I needed I should call her. My wedding ring was clear to see by all those who inappropriately propositioned me.
  • Held in a bear hug and lifted of the ground by a fellow instructor (with an erection) whilst he told me all I had to do, was think of myself as really heavy, and he wouldn’t be able to lift me off the ground. Something to do with martial arts apparently. I understood this later as a ploy for him to get his jollies by rubbing his erection up against me. I discovered some years later, he’d been jailed for sexual abusing children, he’d ‘taught’ martial arts. Are those guys properly vetted these days?

Anyway, the young, naive (and happily married) twenty something that I was, simply brushed these uncomfortable encounters off, chalking them down to experience. I was quite aware of the reputation driving instructors had (it’s pure fiction), yet it remained clear to me what my intentions were: To earn a living doing a job I enjoyed.

“Sex for humans comes very high on the agenda”

Many humans spend a lot of time thinking about it; less as we grow older, I suppose. You name it though, we humans like to do it. From golden showers, to having sex with animals whilst taking a dump, it’s all up there. And you know what? Who cares. So what. Isn’t it time to wake up to the truth instead of fighting amongst ourselves?

Men are sexually harassed on a daily basis. I clearly remember an old friend of mine (who really, really liked sex) telling me, woman have a clitoris just as you have a penis mate, so get out there, and get yourself some. After my marriage fell apart I certainly took his advice. Those clitorises certainly do drive you girls to distraction don’t they?

“Denial, it’s so destructive”

Best policy, as I’ve always advocated, is to properly educate our children. We must teach them the why and how of it all. We must teach them how to tame the often destructive natural impulses we humans have. Once again boundaries and respect for each other come into play. When we teach our children, about what there is to gain from being polite and respectful to each other, magic can happen.

We must keep in mind though, no matter how polite and respectful we are, others will look to take that from us, and infect us with their dysfunctional behaviour. Not being able to restrain and control our impulses (natural or otherwise) is definitely a disfunction that needs addressing. I wonder if Emma Watson would be prepared to donate a further million to that particular educational program? Doubt it, there’s no revenge, drama, pain or blame in that game, is there?

“Focusing the sexual energy of the human mind – or sublimation as the more enlightened like to call it – is a beautiful skill many would gain from”

When will we teach, with necessary transparency – the predatory nature of the human animal – to children? Enlightened children, who have a greater chance of actually becoming fully grown adults, will effortlessly deal with sexual harassment. The best means of doing this is through transparent-honesty and to cease fuelling the fire’s of denial and ignorance.

Men harass women for sex and women harass men, get over it, and learn how to defend yourselves. My means of defence – as a very sexy and desirable twenty-something – was to simply rise above it. They had poor control . . . and? Their issue, not mine. The next time you feel you’re being sexually harassed, how about making things clear to your abuser, by simply stating this:

“You have poor boundaries and poor control over yourself, look up the word sublimation, with all that energy appropriately focused, imagine what you could achieve”

My dear fellow humans, learn this off by heart, you may find it extremely beneficial.

I Will Never Be Silenced

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“The control rods of shame and guilt are being used against the voices of reason”

It’s seems no matter if our opinion is reasoned and well thought out, shame and guilt are being used as a means of silencing, those who believe in the rights of the child.

“Reason is in fact the true control rod, yet when people stop listening to this, because it’s cold reality frightens them, the train starts to leave the tracks”

It is not homophobic to state the opinion: children have a right to be raised by a mother and a father. It’s just an opinion. If you don’t like it, come up with a counter argument, but don’t look to silence and control free speech through guilt.

It’s believing we have a right, to anything we want, irrespective of the rights of others, that’s creating the human rot so often seen throughout history. Control and ownership gone mad is war. Millions have lost their lives fighting this and many more will no doubt continue to. Isn’t it about time we started respecting those who gave their lives for our freedom, by protecting free speech? We’re still fighting a war of sorts right now.

“When victims refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever, and look to understand their part in matters, we have the north south of victim driven mentality”

Taking responsibility empowers us to protect ourselves. When victims point the finger of blame and say: this is all your fault, they become powerless. Power is when a rape victim says: “yes I drank too much and next time I’ll be sober, carrying a fucking rape alarm.” Stop thinking there is no such thing as the human animal, there is. If we fail to protect ourselves through our naivety, we must acknowledge and accept this failing, or fail over and over again.

Stopping free speech, because we’re frightened of the truth, (or our own homophobia, remember what criticism is) creates a society that’s driven by the repression of ignorance. When we refuse to acknowledge cause and effect we add to this ignorance.

“It’s important we really start to take a close look at what we are in fact doing. When we take away the black and white of boundaries, and the proper respect of nature, we muddy the waters, to such an extent, we’re endangering our very survival”

You might think that last statement a little dramatic, however, if we don’t learn the lessons from the past, they’ll keep repeating themselves. From experience, I can tell you, this is a horrible prospect. Control and ownership are the most distasteful human diseases. The human need for these traits is so powerful they can gently and subtly creep into society without our noticing them. These traits, will always be there in the background, we must learn to spot them quickly.

“Our tendency to deny truth is the war we must fight”

Truth sets us free, so how is it we struggle so much with this? Because it hurts, that’s why. We struggle to accept that our self-centeredness may be denying our children the future their genes decided for them. We struggle to accept, we simply cannot have everything we want, without their being a cost. A cost we’d rather not acknowledge.

The cost, is we lose our fight for the rights and freedom for all, before we’ve even started. This includes unborn children. Self-centered ownership of our children is saying: the needs of the few, are greater than the needs of the many; another disease of humanity.

The True Love of Advancement

True Purpose

Advancement

“Advancement is a true expression of love”

When we look closely, at the advancement and development of ourselves, we recognise this as a true expression of self-love. When we love ourselves we automatically pass this love on to future generations.

By taking the time to look within, and advance as human beings, we not only enhance the quality of our own lives, we enhance the lives of all those who experience us. The most direct influence we have is on our own offspring.

“We can break free from ignorance by exposing the unknown aspects of our minds. It’s only fear that prevents us from advancing to heights we previously never dreamed possible”  

Nowadays money can buy us anything, even new life. It’s perfectly acceptable to marry your same sex partner and then buy yourselves a baby. You might think this okay, however, we must see the dangers in being raised by those who believe they ‘own’ us. If we’ve been bought, surely it follows we’re owned. We can ask: what adaptations do the children of parents, who’ve taken ownership of them, (even when money hasn’t changed hands) need to make, in order to get their needs met, throughout life? An interesting question is it not?

Some might see gay couples buying babies as advancement and not a muddying of the waters at all. Let’s make it clear, it’s not being gay that’s the danger, it’s being owned that most definitely is. Slaves were owned. There can be no advancement in this being considered the norm. 

“How is it we’re prepared to buy babies and yet reluctant to pay for the advancement of our minds? Are we fearful of what we might find? Of course we are”

It’s a special minority of people who choose advancement through knowing themselves better. A special minority who are prepared to cast light into the darkness. Ultimately, it will be these people who move us forward as a species.

The True Love of Advancement

It’s freedom from the suppression of ignorance that brings true happiness, never money. There’s no freedom of choice in that, just conditioning. Buying children is simply a belief that we’re all entitled to have anything we want, even if this is at the expense, of ignoring their rights. There is no self-love in that. There is plenty of self-centeredness though. Self-centeredness is the tendency to not look beyond our own happiness and see the bigger picture for others.

Alternatively, those who take the journey toward finding wholeness, benefit everyone. This journey does involve accepting that there are parts of our minds we remain ignorant to. When we overcome the fear of this knowledge wholeness takes a huge step closer.

A whole human being would never expect to find happiness through buying a baby, but would expect better, from their fellow man. Perhaps, when we start seeing the fetus as having rights, we will extend these rights to future generations too.

Why Does It Matter? (The Transgender Issue)

Parenting

“It seems clear to me, and many others, that little girls and boys are adept at getting what they need. Food, warmth, shelter and above all, attention. All of this adds up to love”

Children are dependent on those who care for them. They surely soon come to understand this, to the degree, they will do all within their power to receive it. How much power children have is of course debatable, yet to me, a child’s power will always be the greatest of all. I say this, because a child is able to focus our love for them, in ways an adult couldn’t possibly.

We recognise their vulnerability through dependence and need. It’s our instinctive need to care for our young. We love how they’re an extension of us. When we love ourselves, this is extended, to the mini versions of us we’ve created. All of these things add up to the importance of us doing the very best by our young.

Doing our best includes gaining understandings of how our minds work. When we understand some very simple principles, we empower ourselves with more choice, and potentially increase our skills when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well grounded children.

“When children have the influence of both a mother and a father they’re better able to find an identity that fits with the one they’ve been assigned at birth”

When a child is raised by just one parent there is an increased likelihood of them wanting to identify with the sex of that parent. The intelligent human brain is very adept and gaining what it needs for survival.

The child-brain picks up on the unconscious signals from its carers. If the message and signals are construed as: mummy wants a little girl, for example, the child will seek to be the object of its mothers desire, regardless of what sex it was assigned at birth. Remember, all that matters to the child, is survival. Survival that’s dependent on the love, care and attention it receives, from carers. The more attention the better.

If you watch this short clip, relating to the transgender issue, take a moment to ponder on the dynamic of mother and child within this single parent family.

What parents often forget are the unconscious signals they project onto the child. The child’s mind is an empty void open for whatever the adults around it are likely to project.

I often think of the time walking behind a young mother in the street some years ago, she violently chastised her five year old daughter for being “Such a little bitch.” At five, it’s impossible for a child to be a ‘little bitch.’ She may be inconsiderate to her siblings, until taught otherwise, she may be self-centered, until taught otherwise, she may be naughty, until taught otherwise, but a bitch? Hardly. Remember: all criticism is self criticism.

And so, as a parent or potential parent, we must understand, the greatest skill a child exhibits is getting its needs met. The closer it can get to a parent, the better. It will do this by any means. Good behaviour, bad behaviour, gentle, sweet, rowdy, violent, transgender, whatever. The behaviour is irrelevant, as long is it gets attention.

“In the mind of the child, attention equals love and it will fight to get what it needs. Even to the point of becoming a little girl, when born a boy, and definitely if this beats their siblings to it”

When the child exhibits confusion over its identity a parent must make it clear they are loved and cared for just as much for being a boy or girl respectively. The child’s mind, at such an early stage in its development, is ill equipped to make a decision over gender. That is not the job of the child; genes have already decided this. We must see the advantage in having this kind of decision taken out of our hands. Yes the brain may disagree, however, this is due to the things I’ve now explained. 

The question still remains: why does it matter? Why indeed. Well, as I see it, there’s plenty of confusion in the world already. For parents to add to this, with poor ability to set boundaries and failure to understand the projection of their own minds, is abuse through neglect. This is how I see it.

Setting boundaries and being parents, instead of ‘best mates’ to our children, is imperative. Without this, children grow into adults robbed of a future their genes have decided. If my little boy wanted to be a girl I’d simply explain like this:

“As you grow older your choices will increase, for now you are in my care, and this is how it needs to be. You are a boy. The decision was made before you were born, and I will do my best to be the man you’d like to be, once you’re grown. I love you for what you are”

It is a parents responsibility to recognise their duty to our children. The child is not the sex parents want it to be, (consciously or unconsciously) or what sex the underdeveloped mind of the child wants to be. The child is what mother nature has decided, and to be fee from confusion, we must always encourage this. Simple.

The Positive and Negative of What We Do

“Our unconscious drivings are a curious thing”

Much, if not most of what we do, is driven unconsciously. When we better understand what these things are, through raising them into our awareness, we increase our choices. It’s that simple: more choice is the reward for looking.

In a previous post we stated: “The Talent is In The Choices.” With this in mind, it can be said, too much choice is a bad thing, however, just as limiting – if not more so – is lack of choice. When we just act instinctively, with no seeming choice in the matter, we’re restricted.

“Too much choice, compared to having more choice through increased awareness, are two very different things”

Think about what you do for a living. It will be, that at some point you made a conscious decision, in what you now do; of course there’s been a conscious decision. However, what we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving behind it.

What we don’t consider, is the unconscious driving, may have been a negative one. Stay with this, it will become clearer.

When we increase are awareness, and find both the unconscious and conscious drivings, we increase choice. The ability to choose between a job – we’ve taken through an unconscious, negative force – or a life enhancing one we’ve taken through being fully aware – would be a beneficial ability, would it not?

negdrivings

“Allow me to explain”

If you follow this blog, you’ll potentially be aware of the personal journey held within. In a recent post I spoke of my activities on weekday mornings. As a result of writing my thoughts down, I’ve now become aware of the negative drivings for this activity. The result is an increase in choice. I now understand the deeper purpose to my activities. Much of the deeper purpose was an unconscious method of communication. Let me explain further.

Obviously, I despise being abused by members of the general public, who doesn’t. If you work, or have ever worked withing the service industry, (we ALL do on some level) you’ll be aware of this fact: some people delude themselves into thinking they’re better than you, and also think it’s acceptable, to abuse you.

Now, as discussed in the post Tightening Spokes, having decisions taken out of our hands, as a child, is obviously very disempowering. For my biological father to make a decision on my behalf, without my knowledge, because my job inconvenienced him, was abusive. I understand this now. Continuing to work within a field where I open and expose myself to any kind of abuse, is something I’m now able to change or better deal with. I no longer need my mind to communicate unfinished business with me in this way. I no longer need to prove to myself – I’m a little person who gets abused – and need to stick it out with a uninspiring work.

“The things we’re drawn to, are, at times, simply a method of communication from our unconscious mind”

Unfinished business from childhood has a way of showing itself. Take phobias. We’re only born with two fears: Loud noises and falling, all other fears are learnt and serve some kind of purpose. An irrational fear of snakes, for example, can be attributed to all sorts of childhood confusion. The fear is curing us, and at the same time the mind is looking to communicate, something needs our conscious attention. When we resolve the confusion from childhood, the phobia disappears. At the very least, we feel more choice and are no longer driven, by an irrational fear. There are no life threatening snakes in the UK. At least not the reptilian type that is.

Let me give you further example. Take someone who’s in the caring profession, let’s say, it’s looking after the elderly. I recently watched a snippet of video showing a recording of an elderly lady being slapped by her carer. The film was recorded by hidden camera placed in the home by her daughter. The health of the lady in question had deteriorated somewhat (she was already suffering with Alzheimer’s disease) and her daughter suspected it may have been due to abuse from her carer. The recording proved her worst fears.

Now, what of the carer? Why was she doing a job she obviously despised? We can know, potentially, the driving behind this, was her unconscious mind seeking communication. What unfinished business, do you imagine, was in the mind of a carer abusing those placed in her care? Why was she doing something she despised? Why was there no love? Do you imagine this person was loved and cared for as a child? Or do you think this unlikely?

“And so to the point”

The activities we’re driven to do often hold clues that we overlook. These clues can be our mind communicating unfinished business. When we see the clues for what they are, we remove the negative driving, and increase our choices. In my case, the next person who feels it’s permissible to abuse me, will be told to leave. Simple.

And what of you? We can all look to better ourselves, by escaping a negatively driven activity, that may only be our minds way of saying: “YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS.”

Look closely at the things you do that are not something you enjoy. Why would you do that? Through necessity? Perhaps this is the case, however, what about the aspects to that activity you grudgingly put up with and don’t seek to change? Are you seeking any change? Are you seeking to better your life? If not, why not? What does your mind want to tell you?

Be Ready To Believe

“Failure and rejection are unpleasant yet inevitable aspects to life”

At some point we’re all going to experience them. When we’re rejected we feel we’ve failed and of course we have. Once we pick ourselves up though, we must then come to understand, these things are only an opportunity to do it differently, next time around.

We may need to change our technique, business model, looks or approach . . . you name it. Provided we’re determined to succeed, and we alter what we did to find rejection and failure in the first place, we will succeed. It’s simply a game of numbers. Problems arise, when after failure, we keep on with the same strategy. This is the definition of insanity.

“There are those who set out in business, with a particular product or idea, that has no practical application or demand”

In terms of invested time and money, so far are they, into the pursuit of their idea or product, some individuals often see no choice but to just blindly continue on. They may do this for many more years, wasting time and money as they do, until eventually the penny drops. Once they move on, it may well be, that an entirely different idea or product comes to mind. It’s quite often this new one that succeeds. This is the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

The point of my title is to make us aware of the need for preparedness. We must be prepared for failure and rejection, this way, we’re ready to see this as feedback and opportunity to change tack for next time. Changing direction on each pass – on each attempt – enables us to develop and grow. As we do, we increase our chances of success.

Does your product have practical application? If not you may want to have a rethink. Does your idea have a demand? If not how could you create this? Caution is advised here. We must be careful in how we may be deluding ourselves into thinking our ideas or products are fabulous, useful, or even groundbreaking. You may see it this way, but will anyone else? How will you know until you put it out there? You won’t, and so potential failure must be seen as only the feedback you need, in order to progress. Above all, stop doing what doesn’t work.

“One stumbling block many overlook is their own mind. Believe it or not, our own minds can be the very thing – the very difficulty – we need to overcome, before we succeed”

We’re all aware of the existence of the conscious mind. Your conscious of these words as you read them. What you’re not conscious of – at least until now – is your breathing or heartbeat. These things are cared for by your unconscious mind.

Unlike our heartbeat, we can alter our breathing, because this is something that’s considered semi-autonomic. Consciously changing ones heartbeat is a little more tricky. And so, the things we have conscious control over, are easy to alter and change, once we become aware of them. Becoming aware is the trick.

beliefsvalidity

The majority of our beliefs remain unconscious until we request them. Beliefs remain unconscious until such a time we need to bring them into our awareness. If all of our beliefs, rattled around in our conscious awareness, all the time, we’d go completely bonkers. For example, the beliefs we hold about what food we like, are not in our thoughts all the time, but do tend to come into awareness, when we’re hungry.

“When it comes to awareness of our beliefs, it may well be, that many of the unconscious beliefs we hold, are having a detrimental effect on the outcome of our endeavours”

Consciously we may believe in what we’re selling, yet unconsciously, we may not. This conflict is a no win situation as the unconscious, always, wins. Unless, that is, we change the programming. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’ve taken a job selling insurance. You’re regularly consciously aware of your ability to sell. You look in the mirror and say “damn you’re good!” Perhaps you successfully sold yourself, or some other beautiful thing when younger, and so there’s no problem with your beliefs in that regard. There is one problem though, you don’t particularly believe in insurance.

This lack of belief, or mistrust of insurance, is not something you’re consciously aware of. Deeply set into your mind is the forgotten memory of your mother being conned by an insurance agent. This forgotten memory is creating a negative. In fact, this memory could very well be the unconscious driving force behind you taking a job as an insurance agent, in the first place. That though, is a subject open for further debate, at another time.

Anyway, staying with this example, all we need do is recover this memory and then update or change your understanding of it. In this way, we firstly make the negative belief conscious. Secondly we explained to your mind, this wayward insurance agent your mother met, was only one example. There are certainly many good examples. You being one of them. We also explain, to that part of your mind, the benefits to insurance. This ‘bolstering of beliefs’ will reinforce your ability to sell, as you now believe in the product both consciously, and unconsciously. We remove the conflict, we remove the likelihood of your own mind scuppering your success.

Meditation, leading to light trance, is experienced during the application of the GOLD Counselling (Analytical and Creative Transformation) method.

Tightening Spokes

When I was very young I used a push bike a lot. From paper rounds, to cycling out with mates, I certainly put the mileage in. As with anything mechanical, there would, from time to time, be breakdowns.

Punctures were the main issue, and I clearly remember my father telling me: “This is all your fault because you keep bouncing the bike up and down the curbs!” In fact, so fed up was he, with fixing punctures (rather than teaching me how to do it myself) he took it upon himself to resign me from my paper round. At the time I found this a bit odd, but didn’t complain; at least not too much.

“It’s left for me to wonder: in what way does premature retirement from a job of work, as a child, continue to affect me?”

The answer is, I’ve been looking for early retirement (through varying methods) from ‘job’s of work’ all my life. However, having found something I love, way back in 1998, the reality is, I’ll never fully retire. You can’t retire from Personal Development. And besides, why would I retire from something I also love teaching?

As an add on, and In terms of teaching Personal Development, here’s a little advice for all you paper boys (and girls) out there: Find independence through purchasing a pair of puncture resistant tires, they’re the future. Alternatively, and if you find these too expensive, learn how to fix punctures; ‘bouncing up and down curbs’ is fun!

“Along with punctures came buckled wheels”

Now, straightening out wheels, was way beyond my father’s skills, and most definitely mine. The reason for this was propaganda. Many people back then had been led to believe, removing buckles from wheels, was a specialised job. Believing this prevented any attempt at wheel straightening DIY at all. Instead, the local bike store, were making a small fortune from all the kids (or fed up fathers) in the neighbourhood.

“Propaganda, and the beliefs borne from it, can stay with us all our lives”

I’m still quite a keen cyclist now, and in these times of austerity, many of the roads I ride are not dissimilar to those of a third world country. Teeth clattering potholes sometimes get spotted too late (especially with sunglasses on) and of course buckled wheels are the result. So bad, had my wheels become, that I’d begun to wonder what exactly was to be done about it. The deeper part of my mind still believed it was a specialised job. As incredible as it may seem, I’d even considered just buying some new ones! Until, that is, I watched this:

Specialist job! Is it bollocks. My bike rides as smooth as silk now, especially with the puncture resistant tires I’ve fitted. The moral of the story guys, is don’t ever believe all you’re told. There are somethings in life that are as easy as your ABC, once you come to believe it, that is.

And by the way, there’s no need for a truing stand. With the wheel in place, turn the bike upside down, hold a screwdriver or tyre lever against the frame and line it up near the rim of the wheel. Give it a slow spin and you’ll easily see where the buckle is.

Why not develop your mind for a smoother ride through life? I have.  

We Always Get What We Seek

Seek Change Through Self-development

You might assume from the above title that this post is going to be a few hundred words on positive thinking, or some lame garb about how wonderful everything can be, without any effort on our part at all. The thing is, if that’s what you’re looking for, you might want to look elsewhere. Here, you’ll find something to think about, that will genuinely help you have a better life, and not something that’s just a temporary fix, to a shitty day.

The only snag, is you do actually need to do some of the work. Let’s start with  having a rethink on attitude. Right now (as you might have guessed) I have a bit of an attitude. Even so, it’s as good a time to write as any, because we are likely to get the truth, rather than the people pleasing bullshit spouted elsewhere. Attitude is something to manage and use productively.

Now, the reason I’ve got a bad attitude this morning is because I’ve allowed someone else’s mood to infect me. I could easily have chosen to ignore this person’s attitude – like water off a duck’s back – or, as is the case, use this morning’s upset as fodder for this post! So let’s do it.

Here’s the story. In order to keep myself grounded, and earn a little extra pocket money, I spend my mornings as a newsagent managing a store. One of the services we offer is parcel collection. You may have used this facility yourself. No money changes hands, however, the store does earn a fraction of a penny in commission on each transaction. With such small commissions involved, the hope is, customers collecting parcels spend whilst in the store, they rarely do. Yet we do look to be as polite and warm as possible in the hope they’ll part with some dosh.

Anyway, in walks a customer who approaches the counter throwing down a piece of barcoded paper as they do. Looking at it, and then me, they ask for their parcel. I then go through the process of asking for name and ID so I can search for it. The customer in question then states, in a very aggressive and agitated manner:

“This store is the most problematic when it comes to collecting parcels!”

I reply by pointing out that they’d probably not be thinking that if we’d had it stolen.

I’m then told I should be much more polite when dealing with customers, not make them feel like they’re trying to steal something, and be much calmer. I’m so taken aback by this I simply say nothing further and the customer leaves the store. On reflection, remaining quiet throughout the whole encounter, would have been a far better policy; we live and learn do we not?

“The alternative, to being infected by the attitude of others, is obviously the ability to simply shrug off this kind of encounter. This ability is gained through some very simple understandings.”

Firstly – and staying with the example of my customer – this particular individual had the expectation that the process of collecting a parcel was going to be somewhat problematic. To just throw a barcoded piece of paper on the counter is bound to elicit further questions. I’m unable to read barcodes and the till doesn’t disclose any details when its scanned. It just acknowledges that someone wants to collect a parcel. It’s not until I’ve found the parcel, through eliciting a name, that I can then scan the corresponding barcode. Even then details are not supplied on the till.

So asking for a name was necessary, and would have been, on all the previous problematic encounters they’d had before. ID is also required to ensure the correct person is given the item. All of this is a given, so seeing this process as problematic, is the result of poor expectations. We find what we seek through our expectations.

The second consideration comes in respect of the advice I was given: I should be calmer when dealing with customers. Interestingly enough I woke this morning feeling very calm, carrying out my daily routines in an almost sleepy fashion. Over the years, of filling some of my time doing mundane jobs (bit of a surfers attitude to work these days: it’s a means to life not life itself) I’ve gained the ability to switch off. I do it in my sleep.

“If you’re a calm, unassuming kind of person, you may find yourself the object for other people’s problems. You act as a sounding board. A void to swallow up all the shit from the sewer.”

Potentially, this calm manner, does tend to faze people a little bit, especially if they’re the kind of person who doesn’t deal with stress very well. Anyway, suffice to say, I felt very calm indeed. Who was it that was talking and acting in a stressed, agitated and aggressive manner? That’s right, the customer. So once again we have confirmation of the following philosophy: All Criticism Is Self Criticism. A classic example of the simple psychology of projection.

projection

“A problematic encounter is experienced when we behave aggressively with unrealistic expectations. On an unconscious level, problems may well be what we seek, and have nothing whatsoever to do with those around us.”

In terms of the effort we must exert to have calmer, less stressful encounters with others, we must be prepared to look within. A little effort is required. A little effort to find your inner Gold Please. Relax your package is here.

innergold