We believe it’s possible for a person to change the direction of their life in a moment. We know it only takes a moment for a willing person to remove an unconscious limitation. We also know you’ll never get this kind of lasting change from a book alone.
Even so, the two books pictured above are the culmination of twenty years work. Work that now helps us understand how to question and change our beliefs. Once this is achieved, we are then free to creatively instill positive and empowering thoughts and behaviours, that bring beauty into our lives and relationships.
It is the study and exploration of the human mind that has brought this about. People who are passionate about life will always find ways to enhance their experience of it. If you believe education is the key to finding this, you may well read the books. If you believe that life is to be made beautiful you will seek more.
Our relationships and beliefs focused weekend course is based on these two books. It will change your life. If this life can be changed in a moment, imagine what a weekend, can achieve. Join us in Spring 2019. Limited spaces available. General enquiries to: email@example.com
By clicking here you will be taken to our short online application form.
When rivers merge each adds something to the other. Be it nutrients, fish or just water itself, a greater power and presence is created through confluence.
The similarity with the word influence is not coincidental
There is power in numbers. For example, were it not for the six million British men, mobilised during the first world war, it’s likely the outcome would have been very different. The greater the numbers the greater the influence. This is not to say there isn’t power within the individual. After all, each and everyone of those six million men, was an individual in their own right. We can in fact get a little lost in the numbers if we’re not careful. It’s only when we hear individual stories – about the after-effects of 700,000 lives cut short – do we begin to get a sense of the loss and sacrifice.
Our strength as a species is our ability to get along and function in groups. Whether it’s an army or a community with a common aim, when we begin to think alike, our strength builds. As we have experienced to our cost though, when groups of people with conflicting beliefs are set against each other, war is the result. In 1914 this difference was in the nature of their beliefs, for it’s true to say, the German soldiers also believed they were fighting for their freedom.
It’s only when communication is clear, and there’s a commonality within our aims and beliefs, do we avoid conflict
We can take this concept down to the level of the individual. What, for example, do you believe freedom to be? It’s certainly a relative thing – one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, and all that. Within our style of development we say that freedom is a state of mind. When there are warring factions between what we want, and what we believe, there’s sufficient conflict to enslave.
It’s the case that we must cure the root of the problem if we’re to ease this kind of conflict. Incongruent beliefs between peoples is the cause of confusion. In the same light, when our conscious want’s differ to our unconscious beliefs, the result is conflict.
There are of course consequences to winning our freedom. As with the soldiers of the first world war, when the fighting was over, many were left wondering what to do next. Many soldiers have been fighting for years, when it stops, there’s an emptiness to be filled. Similarly, those of us who’ve been stuck for years – fighting our own personal battles – are often left in the same predicament. Freedom from this, is only found, when we truly understand what peace is. And when we know what to do with it.
When the guns had finally stopped, imagine what silence the soldiers of years ago, experienced. A deafening nothingness the mind would have needed to fill. A ringing in the ears that would have gone on for some time. The guns are silent now, the confluence, approaching.
The eye of the storm is calm because the surface winds do not reach it.
In answer to the question posed in our title, when we’re able to identify what underpins so many of the decisions and choices we make in life, we’re able to cut away a lot of unnecessary growing pains. We’re also able to eliminate so much potential confusion and disappointment.
Sometimes expectations don’t match our unconscious beliefs
We might have sensible and achievable expectations, yet there can be an aspect of our mind, that’s holding us back. Of course, due to the hidden nature of the unconscious mind, we won’t know this is the case. We’ll have no awareness as to what’s at the root of our limitations. It’s only when we come up against a few brick walls – that we seem unable step around or climb over – do we become confused and suspicious. No matter how hard we try, there’s something unseen, that keeps scuppering our plans. This is limiting beliefs in action, and where workshop attendance, becomes a revelation.
Relationships are also an important part of this puzzle
We’ll need to unpick whether our relationship might be part of the problem. A relationship with dependency issues, for example, could be the very thing causing our underachievement. In this respect, studying a model of how to create a healthy relationship is one thing, yet understanding it, and then putting it into practice, is another matter entirely. As such, first hand experience – on a practical level – of how to better understand what the building blocks of relationships are, will prove invaluable. Knowing what the functionality of these blocks is, and how to better place them, can now be sown into our consciousness.
It’s well understood that prevention is better than cure
In this respect, placing ourselves in the most favourable position to begin with, is the smart way of thinking. Smart, because it’s gaining an understanding of the most fundamental influencing factors, to our happiness, success and wellbeing, that puts us ahead of the game.
Meeting and learning from the people, who’ve both won and lost at this game, is a little like playing snakes and ladders with all the snakes removed. At the very least, releasing ourselves from our negative beliefs, means we can well avoid the pitfalls created by our unknown self-limitations.
Knowing how to securely place the ladders – to our future success and happiness – comes from a smart, proactive outlook. Knowing what to look for is paramount. We must all seek the calm self-assurance, that lies at the eye of our storm, by questioning and removing what’s limiting, within the I of us.
Reaching our place of calm is achieved once we understand how we are creating the storm.
Take some time to explore, and consider how workshop attendance in Spring 2019, will award you a favourable throw of the dice. You can find your application form here.
We in the west are disturbed by the recent images of Pakistani men protesting against the decision to free a woman accused of blasphemy. These men shout, throw their fists in the air, and call for her death. They’re baying for blood. They have placards depicting a hangman’s noose around her neck. They want her hanged for standing up for her beliefs.
Looked at from afar, it’s just another example, of how beliefs often defy logic and reasoning. Even though this is the case, we can clearly see the kind of feelings created, when deeply ingrained beliefs are brought into question.
Religious beliefs are of course a very fertile breeding ground for the collective insanity we’re currently experiencing
The insanity is revealed when we step back and ask ourselves: how can it be right and proper for someone to be hanged for questioning beliefs in an attempt to protect their own? It’s the power of the majority at work. The majority are able to assert their ‘rightness’ over the minorities ‘wrongness’. And yet when we really think about it, there is no right or wrong about any beliefs, they’re just that … beliefs. They are neither correct nor incorrect. In this respect, for beliefs to remain valuable and effective, they must always be considered as fluid, malleable and transient.
The unconscious is a data storage system and nothing more
Its job is to store information and give it up when requested by our consciousness. Our beliefs are what applies influence to this output. The problem being, when these beliefs were first formed (childhood), our filtering consciousness (its critical faculty) wasn’t sufficiently developed, to question their validity and usefulness in a modern world. Back then, we accepted everything absolutely, without any questioning filters at all.
When our beliefs and values are such, that we feel it’s right and acceptable to put someone to death for questioning us, surly we’ve become insane? The situation highlighted above is no doubt being exacerbated by the hysteria of a crowd. Away from the crowd though, reason dictates the total insanity, of placing belief over life. Yet we see examples of this everywhere.
The point to bear in mind, is that when these well established beliefs are brought into question, it can be very unsettling and frightening for those who hold them dear. This is all too apparent when we see what’s happening in Pakistan. Their fear is palpable. Their hatred and anger is fuelled by this.
It seems that we are powerless in the face of this insanity
We must always remember the nature of news broadcasts. We only see a small snippet of what’s really going on in the world. We’re only shown those stories that seem ‘newsworthy,’ and these extreme examples, tend to leave a bias in our minds. Whether we see it or not, the world is still a beautiful place, and there are a few beautiful people living here too.
It is unfortunate, that there are those who refuse to separate themselves from the crowd – and its collective insanity – simply because they’re unable to see their fear and ignorance. It takes courage to question those things we hold dear, simply because as soon as we do, change is implied.
The collective madmen of the world can’t see any alternatives
What their minds are failing to show them, (through the filters of collective religious beliefs) is the beauty they could welcome into their lives, through change. There is an extraordinary freedom for us to experience through this change. When we understand, how the output from our data storage system (unconscious) is dictated by the prejudice of our outdated beliefs, we begin to set ourselves free.
There is very little love and respect stored in the minds of the fearful. Fear of change and the unknown is so all-encompassing it’s as if they’ve lost the sight in an eye.
It’s what we believe that makes us frightened. What we believe has been instilled by those who need control
Take the common beliefs of God. They’re too numerous to mention here, however, there is the common theme running through them; that we should in some way be fearful of God. That we will be judged (by our adherence to His instructions) then punished or rewarded accordingly. What religious men and women aren’t getting, is how these ‘instructions’ were created by men, in order to gain the upper-hand through the influence of fear. And so long ago!
If we take a moment to consider these instructions we will see how God could never speak to us in easily understood terms. Our minds are currently far too over-developed. That’s right! Over-developed. Most are looking for complicated solutions to simple problems. In fact, it’s all getting far too complicated.
I’m reminded that I have in the past spoken about how we can – should we ever feel the need – form more useful beliefs about God
It’s of far greater value to see God existing within information. The universe is built of atoms: very small pieces of information. If we want to find God’s instructions, all we need do, is look within these. When we do, what we see, is the intrinsic need for balance. We also begin to understand what’s holding it all together: the force of gravity. Without this force, nothing would exist.
Within each and every atom – relative to its mass – the force of gravity is of the same value throughout. We must follow this simple rule and bring it into our lives. We will only survive in the long term, if we have a sane, collective belief and understanding, in one common force. How would it be if we called this force love?
Is it love that puts someone to death through their beliefs? Or is that the fear and beliefs of man? Think of God as the force that holds us all together. We need balance, and in order to function well, we need the universal acceptance of each other.
We also need to understand that the force of love has no ambiguity. The force that holds an atom together, doesn’t waver; it is not uncertain. Quite the opposite. It is steady, it is unwavering. Follow this to make it through, and remember, the greater its mass, the greater its power.
Those who consider themselves as independent thinkers are usually very proud of this. It’s seen as a very positive character trait. Surly then, it must follow, the more independent we are in our thinking, the better?
Within everything there exists a positive and a negative
Due to their nature, independent thinkers, can at times, feel a little isolated, however, and within reason, they do have the ability to remain comfortable in their own company. Provided they’re sufficiently entertained that is.
When we find a way to offset the negative we can use the positive with renewed purpose and direction
This is to say, when we recognise what holds us back, we’re free to exploit our talents to their utmost. For example, if an independent thinker were to spend too much time in the company of others, this would potentially hamper their development. To think independently we must be exactly that – independent of the thoughts and opinions of others.
So what we must learn is the importance of freedom from the crowd
The same follows for any of us. If we spend too much time in the company of dependent people, or need constant stimulation by other means, our thoughts and behaviours will be influenced by this. To a greater or lesser degree we’re all open to suggestion; you’d be surprised to learn by just how much. In order to stop distracting ourselves – and ultimately aiding those who wish to influence our thinking without our knowledge – we must be mindful and disciplined. Keeping our minds on track is important if we’re to succeed.
Being creative is the form of entertainment we must use to distract ourselves when alone
We, at The Freedman College, recognise all of the above. We pride ourselves on the innovative and unique style to our workshops. What we teach has been brought about through listening to, and working with, hundreds of different people. People who’ve shown the creativity and tenacity to break from the crowd.
Paradoxically, developing your independence, is actually for the benefit of everyone. To experience us – and the level of freedom our training can bring – you will need to complete your application form here. Want a beautiful life? Make the decision to be positively influenced with knowledge.
Worry, in its simplest form, is projected fear. In other words, we’re thinking about a future event and applying a negative outcome. It could be work related, or just as easily, it could be something in our private life. There might be a particular task we need to undertake at work, and feel unsure of our ability, or we might be meeting someone for the first time, and we’re nervous of how we’ll come across. It is perfectly natural for us to be nervous and worried under such circumstances.
Stretching ourselves, by welcoming in change and challenge, in both personal and professional life, is very important. We can expect a certain amount of stress when stretching. The key, is to seek ways, in which we can reduce the levels of our anxiety.
The Muscle of Mind
It’s true to say, the mind is like a muscle. As with any muscle, when we place it under stress, the effect is to build its strength. In this respect, how we respond to stress and worry, is determined by the strength of our minds. Having said this, the coping strategies we’ve perfected, need to be of a positive nature. Our strength must be of a certain type.
How we deal with worry is determined by our thinking, and most importantly, by the resources we have available to us at this time. Some might think these resources include things that are easily to hand. In fact vast numbers of us turn to those things – to include drink and drugs. In the long term though, these things ultimately only add, to our problems.
Allow me to give you a simple example of how it’s possible to amplify stress and worry through lack of resources. It’s often the case that when seeking to better our circumstances, there’s a tendency, to just focus on the financial aspects. A manager I’m aware of did such a thing when applying for a job she now has. The unfortunate reality – that her area manager has now begun to realise – is she lacks sufficient resources to be properly effective in this new role.
You might now think the answer would be for her to undergo the necessary training to raise her skills level. Although this is the obvious answer, going back to the blackboard, as it where, doesn’t suit everyone. What if a person’s defence and coping strategies have become irreversible and unnavigable? When this is the case, any training given, is likely met with such incredulity, condescension and contradiction, that it becomes completely ineffective.
As you might have already guessed, this is the case, and so we now have a business that’s declining, and a manager that’s becoming increasingly stressed, as a result. Neither the staff around her, or the area manager, seem able to do anything about it. They’re left staring open-mouthed, innocently witnessing her progressive and inevitable, melt-down. Sad but true. You can read a slightly tongue in cheek account of a staff members views here.
Defence Mechanism and Coping Strategies
We all have them and it’s important to recognise how they might be affecting our performance and well-being. Our defence can be to completely ignore advice and guidance – blindly believing we can manage without it. Our coping strategy might be the pills. It might be an addiction to sugar or perhaps we’re over eating and drinking too much. As odd as it might sound, the manager mentioned above, copes through gambling. It’s a means of distraction and route to the melt-down she’s unconsciously seeking. More stress? You bet; excuse for the pun.
So the questions we must ask ourselves are these:
What are my coping stratagies?
Am I up to the job?
In what way is my mind (ego) defending me?
Do I believe I’m capable?
Personal Development is the way and the means to raising our self-awareness. There is a way to reduce our need for coping strategies and defence mechanisms. You can find your application form here.
There are of course important and necessary formulas for effective leadership
The most respected leaders are those who set the best examples. You’ll forgive me for sounding a little cliched when I say: ‘the most effective and respected leaders, are those who’re never likely to ask someone to do something, they wouldn’t be prepared to do themselves. It’s so very true.
Naturally then it follows, if we, as leaders, expect those we lead to better themselves and develop, we must be prepared to do this for ourselves
Becoming involved in our style of Personal and Professional Development will enable you to better understand yourself. Once you do, you’ll better understand those you lead. If you want to get the best – and eliminate the worst – from your team, understanding what motivates or limits them respectively, is paramount. When we understand this of ourselves, it places us in a powerful position, in terms of leadership.
Are your beliefs correctly placed so you may lead in ways that assumes nothing of the people in your charge?
What we believe and expect of people will ultimately either prove to be their making or their downfall. For example, the mistake leaders often make, is to underestimate. Our estimations are built on our beliefs. When we’re able to question how and where we may be going wrong, we’re able to free ourselves, from the common error, of underestimation.
Your people are a direct reflection of you
It takes courage to ask ourselves where we might be going wrong when members of our team slip-up. Healthy relationships between team members are important ingredients to the success of any business. How healthy are your relationships? How healthy is the relationship you have with yourself? Could there be improved personal stability? If so, don’t be surprised if team relationships are strained, or poor. Better understand you and the rest will follow.
Take some time to explore and consider how a development workshop could help your leadership skills. Find your application form here.
The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting
When we take a moment, to sit back and think about things, it’s easy to see where we’re going wrong. For example, how much of our time do we spend fighting? This can range from scrapping with the in-laws to fighting for our human rights. We may even have internal battles within ourselves.
Even the Invictus (Latin: unconquered) games are built on the rules of competition and fighting. The survivors of war, with missing limbs and so on, are given a new purpose and direction through the Invictus games. We can understand the thinking of the prince behind this, yet it was fighting, that put them there in the first place. Is it really the case, that the cure to their daily struggles, is more of the same?
The ideal, is for these soldiers to have never incurred injury to body and mind, in the first place. However, now that they have, how would it be, if we employed all of these survivors as diplomats, for peace? How would it be, if the cure was seen to be diplomacy, against fighting? How would it be if we better understood our internal battles?
How is it the case that we think the answer to our troubles is more of the same?
We put ‘troubled’ teenagers in the boxing ring. We talk about the importance of fighting for our rights. There are people fighting for change and there are those doing the same to halt it. What would happen if we just stopped?
It’s potentially the case that if we stopped getting angry and fighting to win, either for our rights or freedom, we would all become oppressed and controlled by other humans. There’s a good chance this would be the case. So how do we cure that problem?
Ultimately the answer must lie in unification. The problem we now have is the scrapping again. Everyone is fighting for individualism and what they believe is the right way. Everyone is fighting to protect their beliefs. What we’re failing to see is that individualism and beliefs are in fact something quite different to what most think they are.
The true individual will never exist
The reason I say this, is because until we’re able to completely remove ourselves from the influence of the beliefs of others, there will be no such thing, as the individual. Once you hold a belief, that’s also held by another, you’re no longer an individual. You become a slave to that belief. What’s needed is a belief that’s completely separate and devoid from all others. This, in itself, is impossible. One belief will always lead to another, otherwise, it would simply die. This is within the laws of physics: everything is connected, if not, it ceases to exist.
It’s only once we see the connections will we understand
Consider how things would be if we stopped the conflict and became unified. We become unified when we recognise the necessary connectedness of all things for them to function. For example, and as over simplified as it might seem, a despot leader, who is simply ignored, would cease to exist? If there’s no fear he would cease to exist. If no one had taken any notice of hitler, what would have happened? People listened because they were frightened and up for a fight. They wanted a leader they understood to be a fearless fighter. The truth was something very different.
Unification is brought about when we cease conflict and see our connectedness. We are all one
Take the Saudi Arabian journalist Jamal Khashoggi as further example. He lost his life through conflict. If he’d just ignored the Saudi regime, and gone it alone, he’d still be alive today. If you don’t like what’s happening where you are move away. Leave and stay gone. Risking your life, for what you believe, is nonsensical. Now of course I’m likely being labelled a coward. In the eyes of a fighter I am. In the eyes of someone who loves their life I’m seen as sensible.
The argument against all of this is that we’re all natural born fighters; that humans are at the top of the food chain because of this. We believe there’s a need for us to fight each other to get our needs and wants met. There is truth here, however, the year is 2018. Is it not time for us to get out of the playground and start acting like adults? Is it not children that fight?
Where are all the grown ups?
Being so bound up in our childish tit-for-tat mentality and our childish need for fairness (although now found to be innate) causes us to fight. Even though fighting for fairness has been found to be an innate driving, evolving beyond this, puts us in control without conflict. Enlightenment to our true selves stops the conflict. Knowing ourselves is key.
We can chose to ignore those who think they must fight for fairness. They have this mindset because they also hold it’s counterpart: unfairness (for no belief can survive alone). Fairness or equality is found when we have unification. The unified do have it all.
Believe you and I are one, through our shared humanity, and you will have it all
When we understand that we’re all one we have unification. When will we grow and peacefully unify against those who don’t understand this? When will we take ourselves out of slavery? When will we seek to rid ourselves of our internal torment? We have so much to reach for. So far to go.
Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing in the world
There are days, or is it just moments, where we think: what exactly is the point? What is it, this feeling, of not wanting people to bother with us? We don’t want them to talk to us or try to communicate with us on any level. We want to sleep, but can’t.
Is this just a down day? Of course it is, and yet, when there’s a part of us that felt so alive and enthusiastic for life yesterday, we can’t help wondering, what the hell has happened for all this to change?
Our mood and mental health changes from day to day
In fact, when we look closer, we can see that our mental health changes from moment to moment. It can take the slightest thing to change how we feel; for our mindset to alter. This could be something a person has said, or not said, for that matter. It could be the company we keep. Is it the influence of others deciding our mental stability?
It doesn’t matter, how impervious to the influence of others, we feel we’ve trained ourselves to become. People can still affect our moods and mindset. The alternative to this is being alone. It can be time alone that’s altering our mood. We can become withdrawn and inwardly focused, feeling like we’ve lost our motivation. How strange the mind is that it can alter, or be altered, so simply and inexplicably.
So here we come the issue of self-discipline
How can we keep ourselves on track and motivated when it seems our mind has different plans? This has a lot to do with understanding how we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted. What is it we’re doing to alter mood and mindset? What are we doing to alter our mental health?
When we look deeper, we will see, that to a greater extent than we realise, it is actually us that’s doing the changing. It is us that’s responsible for these seemingly inexplicable shifts.
Put yourself in the place of someone you believe to have immense stability, self-discipline, and determination
Take the racing driver Lewis Hamilton as example. What does this person have that enables him to be so consistently good? What does he have that makes him such an achiever? What is the secret to his consistency? It’s more than a good car that’s for sure. A winning car is only this way when driven by a passionate and winning driver. Not to mention his team; the people around him.
Self-discipline involves the matter of consistency and stability coming from within
In other words, we must keep ourselves aware of any inconsistencies within our patterns of thought, and behaviour. Take diet as a simple yet powerful example. We might think it okay to eat well and healthy one day, and the next, just pig-out on sugary and fatty junk foods. This might be a pattern of behaviour. It could well be a pattern that’s been allowed to build in strength for years and years; as such, it’s something we’re no longer fully conscious of.
If this type of eating were a followed pattern, it would be a prime example, of how we change moods from the inside out. We might now think that this is a chicken and the egg situation: that it’s the mood prompting the day of junk food or whatever. It is more likely though, that it’s simply a pattern – established many years ago – being acted out, over and over again. It’s this that’s changing mind. We are what we eat.
Take a moment now to think back to the consistency of our racing driver
During the racing season you can be sure Lewis Hamilton will be following strict routines. His patterns of thought and behaviour will be stable and consistently beneficial to winning races. He will have an awareness of this. So when it comes to self-discipline, it’s far easier to have this when we’re aware of what we might be doing, to alter our mindset from within. On a daily basis we must ask ourselves:
How am I making this harder for myself?
What am I doing that is in direct conflict with being consistent and stable?
Diet, thoughts and behaviour, have a lot more to do with conflict than we might first realise. If we’re to find stability and consistency, self-discipline, must extend to all aspects of our lives .
Important ingredients to success
Take a few more moments to imagine what kind of mindset our racing driver possess. Actually close your eyes and imagine. Imagine his exercise regime; his diet and the people around him. Consider his general lifestyle. With this, think about his moods, mindset and mental health. What place is he in psychologically?
Apply this to yourself
Think of what changes and improvements to lifestyle, diet, thoughts and behaviour you must now make. The outcome will be a consistency and stability that begins from the inside out.
Along with thinking skills, one very important aspect of routine and self-discipline, is the ability to stop thought and just act. In other words, it’s our self-talk; our internal chatter, that can sometimes be the problem. By ceasing internal chatter – and just doing things routinely – we increase good habits and patterns of behaviour.
Often, all we need do, is simply stop thinking about it and act. As they saying goes: ‘The hardest part of going for a run is putting your trainers on.’ Discipline yourself and just do it.
I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.
It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.
During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.
To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.
The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.
Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.
This is where development comes into play
Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.
Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.
Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.
We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?
Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions
When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.
Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.
It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs
Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now?
Think of your most powerful memory
Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.
Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.
In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so
And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.
It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.
Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down.
I want you to imagine yourself walking down a dimly lit alley. It’s cold and damp, the streetlamps, are behind you. With that cold, halogen light behind, you’re casting a shadow in front. Your shadow is one step ahead, it would seem; it’s you that’s following it.
Of course, to place your shadow behind, the light needs to be coming from in front. Only then will it be behind you.
As you walk, the cold street lighting gets dimmer, and you notice a gentle warm light, up ahead. Stop for a moment, and look behind, there it is, that shadow of the past. Stationary, all is still, your shadow is waiting too.
Change though, and look forward with the light ahead. Move on, your shadow, trailing behind
Your shadow represents aspects of you that must be left behind. That unmotivated person, who drifts, undisciplined, with no direction or plan. It represents that part of you, that just lingers, and wastes the day. It doesn’t plan. It doesn’t make busy. It’s just maligned and lazy in a stew.
The shadow is that younger aspect of you. That part that liked the drama of conflict and heated emotions. That part of you that refuses to settle, commit and discipline yourself, constructive. It refuses the creative and new. The shadowy you refuses to plan, and fill the day with energy, and hew.
Look around, the light is above you now. There’s no shadow to be seen. It’s time to say goodbye, to the shadowy past, there’s things for you to do. It’s that light of awareness striking you now. The awareness that you must plan each day, not laze it away.
Discipline yourself to follow that plan. You’re no longer on a route dictated by the past. Following the same patterns from those before. Step out of the alley into that open space. Wise fields of glory expanding all around. No matter where you look, there’s no shadow in sight. Dead and gone, along with the past. Make a plan for you.
If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?
The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.
If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.
Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.
So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?
Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.
Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.
An Additional Aspect
Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?
When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.
The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.
Let’s make things a little more tricky
What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.
That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.
The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming
Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.
The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.
So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now.
We don’t really know what the mind is capable of. When we read about the great thinkers of the past, and experience those of the present, we’re certainly given a taste of its potential aren’t we? To a great extent, it’s us and our thinking, that proves to be the most influential gain – or limitation – on our minds potential. It’s how we think that makes the difference.
A powerful imagination has to be one of the greatest assets to thinking. We are bound or freed by what we’re capable of imagining. It’s said that if we’re capable of imagining it, some day, we’ll be able to achieve it. This philosophy is the epitome of how our minds can be both jailers and liberators. It’s only once we’re prepared to open our minds, through properly understanding them, do we find true freedom.
It will always be wise to encourage our children to develop their imaginations
Of course it’s what we encourage them to imagine that’s key. For example, it’s clearly understood that we become our most repetitive thoughts; for our most repetitive thoughts, are our beliefs. What does the child who witnesses domestic violence spend most of his time thinking about? Does he become a lover or a fighter? Incidentally, this violence can come in many forms, it’s never just physical.
The athlete that trains hard
but has negative, repetitive thoughts about her potential, will not gain the necessary beliefs to back-up her fitness. A positive mental attitude is the method we must use to build these useful beliefs. It works the same way in whatever we’re looking to achieve. Remember, our minds are both jailers and liberators, it’s entirely up to us, how we choose the thoughts that determine this.
Our minds have the power to heal us and the power to kill us
The problem we’re faced with, is there’s a part of the mind, that knows no difference between the two. It’s said that it’s the disease that cures us. Take depression as example. What is depression actually doing? The immediate answer will of course be – nothing. In fact, to suggest depression is doing something for us, will often be met with total incredulity. I can clearly hear the “how dare you’s!” out there somewhere right now. The thing is though, once we see mind as equally our jailer or liberator, we open up choices. It’s us doing it. Depression, as far as the unconscious mind is concerned, is an attempt to cure.
When we feel down, the mind can be just as equally keeping us from something, getting us something, or showing us something
If our mind sees change as a threat to our survival, then it will of course, look for ways to stop this. How keen are we on instigating change when we feel depressed? Not very I would suggest. In fact, when depressed, we don’t feel like doing much at all do we? So the question we must now ask is: Where did we learn to fear change? What was it that changed when we were young that made us afraid? We must make ourselves aware that change as childrenisfrightening. Now though, we are grown.
Habit equals safe. Change was unsettling
The part of our mind that looks to protect us from danger, is constantly battling to keep the status quo. We might have plans that involve change and yet we become blighted by depression. In this instance the child-mind is protecting us from what we fear: change. We must gain the resources, and build sufficient confidence, to help us accept we’re safe now we’re grown.
If depression were to be showing us something
It could well be, that the feelings associated with this illness, are the minds way of bringing unfinished business to our attention. Just as equally, becoming depressed perhaps changes things around us, and gives us a feeling of control over our external environment. What better way to keep people attentive – or distant for that matter – than through becoming depressed? Was being quiet and sulky a useful way to gain mothers love?
All in all, understanding our mind, is to lean it’s power toward it becoming our liberator, rather than jailer. What we do understand is, the proper development of our powerful imaginations, will always prove beneficial. It is possible to imagine a better future where repetitive thoughts become the beliefs that free us. Grow.
Have you considered how a Personal Development Workshop could help you grow? Find your application form here.
He sits on the balcony surveying his domain. He takes a sip from his glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape. As the sweetness of the wine touches his throat, he thinks about how shitty life was for him, before winning the lottery.
Earlier he’d been watching the Cycling Road World Championship in Austria, feeling dumbfounded. Six and a half hours of hard racing to culminate in a 28% mountain climb stated as being “worse than hell.” Absolutely extraordinary. None of that for him, he preferred, an easy life.
Into his second bottle of wine now he was feeling pleasantly drunk. He burped and felt the familiar acid reflux he’d become accustomed to. He’d also noticed his jeans had become a little tight around the waist of late, no problem, larger jeans would sort that. A quick swig of antacid medication, before the pizza delivery, would also be wise.
The Belief in The Lottery
If you play the lottery you might be a little surprised by the following revelation; yet you might also, be thankful. There are approximately 1,700 people killed on British roads each year. With there being approximately 31,000,000 registered UK cars, we can be reasonably assured, the chances of being killed whilst driving, are quite slim.
In the 23 years the lottery has been running it’s made 5,000 millionaires. During the same period of time, 39,100 people have lost their lives, in motoring related accidents. In the UK just over 31,000,000 people play the lottery every week. Put simply, if you believe in the lottery, it’s probably time to get off the roads.
Selling Illusions and Dreams
Selling illusions has become a very popular game. In fact we’re sold illusions by the bucket load every single day. Oh yes, bucket loads of nonsense, stuffed up us, in lots and lots of differing ways.
The selling power of the lottery is of course based on the erroneous belief money buys happiness. An illusion. It also works through the belief becoming rich is difficult. Some find becoming rich a byproduct of being happy! Have you ever wondered how?
Money is a great facilitator to experiences that might enhance life, but it will never buy happiness, per se. How we find happiness is a state of mind and a belief in itself. What to ponder here, is the paradoxical nature, of how playing the lottery, actually reduces happiness.
Each week millions of people lose at the lottery. We could say playing the lottery is a losers game. The reality is, each week, people who believe money buys happiness, are spending what they can ill afford, on an illusion fuelled by dreams.
I follow Richard Branson’s twitter account and noticed his most recent endeavour in this tweet. I can tell you for a fact, you don’t need to be a millionaire, to afford a bottle to piss in! Or for it to save your life. As Mr Branson will surly tell you, happiness lies in creativity, success, and living life to the full. Although, he’s also very good at selling the general public, what they believe in. Or perhaps that’s just the girl taking advantage. Here’s the story, make up your own mind.
Suffice to say, stop spending money on illusions, and find happiness the easy way. If we do nothing about them, dreams remain in the world of fantasy. Live well and start climbing mountains. It’s the only real way to gain respect.
Last night I attended a talk from the globe-trotting Monty Pythoner, Michael Palin. He’s currently doing the rounds promoting his new book Erebus (the story of a ship).
All very interesting and informative, especially if you’re interested, in the history of nautical exploration and sunken treasure. This post isn’t a review of Mr Palin’s book or talk, however, I would like it to act as a lead-in to the subject of exploration.
After last night’s history lesson, I’m in no doubt at all, about the bravery exhibited by the nautical explorers of past and present
Be it circumnavigating the world, climbing mountains or charting new territory, explorers are a certain breed. Individuals who are prepared to move out of their comfort zone, and into the unknown, set us all fabulous example. We could say they’re the epitome of the tenacious human spirit.
The vast majority of us don’t find our way into the history books
Most of us live out our lives occasionally making small triumphs – that may seem quite large to us – and we do our best to make a difference. In this sense we could say that from day-to-day, to a greater or lesser extent, we’re all explorers of life. Of course we are and sometimes we need to move into uncharted territory.
From a Personal Development perspective
The exploration, into uncharted territory, begins when we’re able to physically map out the links and connections, that make us who we are. The ability to see and understand, in plain sight, the processes involved in how our minds move from one belief to another, has proved to be an invaluable resource for early explorers. It enabled them to see how the mind restricts itself through its internal maps.
The nautical explorers of the past, moved their ships beyond the edges, of the known
They moved beyond their maps and charts. For us to follow their example, means we’re able to break into new ground, and become greater then the sum of our parts. To become more than the sum of our beliefs. To be shown in clear and simple terms, how to move beyond the restrictions of our limiting beliefs, is unique.
Being the explorers that broke into new territory, came at great cost, to those of HMS Erebus. As can be seen though, due to the endeavours of those early explorers, we all benefit from their courage.
We’ve ‘come out of the dark’ as a result of their courage
We love our labels, categories and types don’t we? We believe we’re making things easier for ourselves by doing this. Are we not in some ways limiting ourselves though?
Seeking to fit people into type or category has an effect on our expectations. If for example, before meeting someone, you were told they had Autism, your expectations would seek out any ‘unusual’ characteristics they might display. You would label and categorise such a person in your mind. This would then influence and limit (depending on any fear or prejudices you might have) the outcome of any interaction with them.
The alternative, of remaining ignorant to any kind of label or type, means your experience – and therefore future outlook – of an Autistic person, would be entirely different.
It’s not unlike a person who’s been given an expectation relating to someone with a hearing impairment. The hearing impaired often face difficulties in how people interact with them. At times they feel insulted in how they’re spoken to. It’s the expectations and beliefs of others (the common misconception that deaf means stupid) that’s the driver here. This creates the vile outcome of being spoken to in a manner that’s suggestive of them having greater disability than they actually do. In fact, hearing difficulties tied to Autism, can mean quite the opposite.
*Hyper-vigilant or hyper-aware individuals can experience tinnitus and deafness that is in direct correlation to how stressed and aware they feel
As an individual, who’s lived with hearing issues most of my life, I have actually experienced such a situation. To make matters worse I’ve often been abused and bullied by those who see disability as weakness. It’s fortunate I realise, those who seek out – what they believe to be a weakness – in order to feel powerful, are the kind of people I need not be bothered with.
It’s the standardisation that we all live with that creates these kind of prejudices
Be it racism, sexism or prejudice against the disabled, it’s the attempted standardisation of us all, that’s the cause. Sometimes children have a lot to teach us in regard to how they see through this. Children don’t see issues with disabilities race or gender, because they’ve yet to be infected with the beliefs and prejudices, of the adults around them. There is such a thing as a beautiful naivety.
Indeed we are all different and so seeking to standardise people is a very limiting state of affairs. However, there is one thing I believe we must all be taught, as standard.
Self-love is a concept that needs to be a standardised understanding
When we’re able to truly love ourselves, because we’ve been taught how to do this from an early age, I believe much, if not most of our current mental health issues, would not arise in the first place.
Teaching a child how to love themselves, is a very easy process, provided the adults who care for them, understand it themselves
Self-love is the ability to put one’s own well being as a priority, but never at the expense of another. Personal responsibility must be fundamentally tied into our universal understanding of self-love. Another way to put this is through the concept of healthy-selfish.
Healthy-selfish is when we put ourselves first without guilt
Healthy-selfish is when we’re compassionate and loving toward our fellow man, only because it selfishly gives us pleasure, to do so. If we fail to gain pleasure, from being giving and loving to others, it’s because we’re mistaking self-centered, for selfish. Potentially we’ve yet to move on from self-centeredness if we expect others to fix our problems, love us, or take responsibility for us. Selfish and self-centered are two very different states. The latter belongs in childhood.
If we were to teach self-love – understanding it to be a prerequisite for a healthy mind – we’d have a far greater chance of removing all other types of standardisation. We’re on good solid foundations when we fully understand and possess self-love.
It’s important to realise, the aim of standardising this one thing, would be to raise human awareness. It’s teaching children adult prejudices and beliefs that reduces this.
As religious beliefs collapse fathers will need to take a stronger role
Through my personal experience and view of the world, I see that religion, has often acted as a paternal parent. From Jesus to the prophet Muhammad, all have been placed, as father figures. It could be said this is no bad thing. Guiding father figures are obviously something young boys need. The problem lies in the fact, that these father figures from the past, have grown not just old, but outdated too. The teachings of the past are barely relevant to modern day thinking now.
We all know the best and most loved parents and grandparents are those that are wise and also up to date.
The unfortunate reality, is that much of the ancient guidance from the likes of Buddha, Muhammad and Jesus, has lost its appeal. More than ever, boys need fathers that are not only wise and up to date, but also present and alive.
It’s my opinion, that the current troubles and unrest of the world, will increase before an equilibrium is found. This equilibrium – or peaceful state – will be achieved when fathers begin to guide and love their sons as the Prophets of the past intended.
These Prophets had humanities best interests at heart
They believed they were guided by a force higher than themselves. Modern life has questioned the validity of these beliefs, and as such, religion – unless if evolves very quickly – will continue to fade away into the past. As it does fade, proper parenting, from mature and responsible fathers, will need to take its place.
What does, and will always remain relevant to this day, is the human capacity to love
It has never been the responsibility of fictional gods, or the words of religious leaders for that matter, to care for our children. It’s absent, irresponsible fathers, that have made it so. Fathers must learn how to love their sons and daughters in ways that set us all free. Once we’re able to universally agree on love as a natural aspect of human nature – by removing the confusion, bigotry and hypocrisy, taught by the religious – peace will be within our grasp.
Its experience, constant questioning, and an objective point of view, that has taught me the relevance and accuracy of this definition:
‘Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness’ – CBP
Following this ethos is to remove the clutter and confusion created by corrupted minds. The Chinese whispers of time, and the corruptive nature of power hungry men, has sought to weaken a force that time itself can never alter. The power of love.
Love, when found in its purest form, is beyond time and space. Find this, and peace is something you discover, from within yourself. Within, is the place where it all, begins.
There’s no denying fear is a very powerful force. Look at what’s happening in the world right now. Political games, war games, attempted murder, cold blooded murder, terrorism, and everything inbetween. The ability to separate ourselves from all this nonsense is a little like watching a board game from above. When there’s no fear within ourselves, we’re able to see the power games, being played out.
For it’s fear that drives the need for power
When we look at people through the eyes of mature love we’re able to do something very powerful. We’re able to see little boys and girls fighting for supremacy in the playground. These previously hidden children, we’re now clearly able to see, could be anybody. They might even be world leaders.
Losing the child within
It’s only possible to lose the child within, when the adults we must become, take control. Is it an adult who commits murder or is it the frightened child within? A true adult would never take a life. He would value his self too greatly. So what of the world leaders who sanction wars and assassinations? Are they frightened children too? Of course they are. The peaceful loving leaders are the adults. They seem quite thin on the ground right now.
Turning to Love
It could be said, that in order to turn to love, we need to be grown first. It could be said, that in order for a world leader to lose his fear and turn to love instead, he’d need to have been shown what it is to be grown. There is truth in that, however, I believe it’s a choice. He or she either continues to behave in an egotistical fearful manner, that belongs in childhood, or he turns to love. It is possible to find out what love is, and what its true power is, through research.
This information is available. So why don’t these world leaders look it up and set their people free? It’s potentially because they’ve become intoxicated by there own lust for power. A lust for control that’s become so powerful. Powerful, because it diminishes their fear. It diminishes their loneliness.
‘The reality of loneliness is a dislike of the self’ – CBP
The power of love helps us to accept some fundamental truths, like this one:
‘We are all alone, because it’s impossible for any other person to be part of our mind, body or soul. No-one will ever share the same thoughts, feelings or belief systems, in exactly the same way as another, this, is to be alone’ – CBP
Many frightened and controlling people are simply seeking to avoid this truth. They’re trying to cure the pain of their loneliness with power over others. Their power to instill fear in others diminishes their own. It’s only those who fully understand the implications of our aloneness that understand the power of love. They fully understand the need for love.
It’s love of ourselves that cures our loneliness
Nothing else will do
We need some leaders who get this. We need some leaders who can help us grow. Mature love supersedes fear every, single, time. Turn to love and the fear melts away.
The way in which we make life harder for ourselves is extraordinary. From my own experiences I know this to be the case. We seek happiness and fulfilment, and this is often at great cost, to our peace of mind. At great cost, because instead of a calm, level-headed approach to our goals, we create turmoil through doing things that are in direct opposition to this. We go for a run and then sit down with a pint of beer. We spend a fortune with our therapist, mentor or coach, and then return home to our horribly unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it’s not the seeking happiness and fulfilment that’s the issue, it’s doing those things that upset our direction and purpose, that is.
We’re understandably driven to achieve great things and yet do so much that’s directly opposed to this. We’re often very determined to make some positive changes in our lives, but so many of us easily drift back into old, self-destructive patterns. Through this, we’re actually making life harder for ourselves. We know it on one level, yet can’t seem to stop ourselves from carrying out our little methods, for self-destruction. We could all make life so much easier for ourselves by understanding why and how we do this.
For example, think of the determination we humans often show in turning our lives around by becoming fit and well. Now think of the determination we demonstrate at achieving its opposite. We seem to require a reward for our hard work that’s ‘other’ than the goal we’re actually striving for.
You’ve been for a run (or whatever) and the rewards must be the feelings associated with this alone. Not the slice of cake or pint of beer! Confusingly, perhaps we’re drawn into creating toxic relationships. Why, when we’re working so hard to love ourselves, are we pulled towards cruel and unkind people? We seem to actively go out of our way to bring cruel and destructive people into our lives. How? Why? By focusing our minds we’re able to recognise the how and why.
Two Steps Forward
Eating that slice of cake or drinking that pint of beer is of course pleasurable, however, the next time we go for a run we’re having to fight those added few pounds. We’re having to work harder through the belief we need the sugary rewards. We’re having to fight the poison of alcohol.
Much of this reward system harks back to childhood, so we must look to put away, those things of childhood. When we do, life becomes easier. We need the abusers in our life because they potentially represent our true feelings of self-worth. In order to love ourselves fully, we must rid ourselves of the abusers, only then can we truly learn to love. It may seem hard to extinguish these people from our lives, yet we must recognise how they’re perpetuating, the problem.
Yes, be determined, and make sure your determination is directed and focused. Have goals, seek fulfilment, and more of the love life has to offer. Most importantly, notice the internal battles. Two steps forward, followed by one step back, can be extremely frustrating, and in the long term, it’s detrimental to our health. Notice the methods used for this. Remove the unnecessary rewards system and the abusers from your life. Make it easier. Grow.