A Ruthless Determination

Ruthless Determination

“A ruthless determination is all well and good, yet without the proper resources, all we’re left with, is ruthless self-destruction”

Frustration and confusion can often be the end result of our strength and determination when this is in conflict. For example, we may have a strong determination to succeed and change our situation, but no matter our efforts, all we succeed at, is failure. Believe it or not, there can exist a part of the mind, that has a ruthless determination to fail. Imagine a mind with unequal determination, between success and failure, that has become tipped toward the latter.

A conflict of this nature can be down to something as a simple learning we experience when young. It could have been a very important event, let’s say a sports event, that we failed at aged five. So important was this event, in the mind of the five year old, that failure was soul destroying. The reaction from parents, teachers and siblings only compounded this failure. Such an individual, may go on to show great promise, but always end up falling at the starting line. The same nervousness, experienced aged five, can still be felt aged forty five!

“The feeling of nervousness associated with events when young can stay with us all our lives”

Now imagine the same sports event but with a completely different outcome. Instead of humiliation, disappointment and guilt, there was the exhilaration of running over the finish line coming first. It’s these kind of experiences that make the difference between winning and losing. They often become a continuing theme throughout the whole of our lives. We come to believe we’re winners or losers respectively.

“Even when winning, if we’re filtering our successes through the belief we always fail, we’ll not be recognising our greatness”

The good news is, through the unique nature of workshops run by The Freedman College, we’re able to question the relevance of such experiences now we’re grown. We’re also able to question the appropriateness of the reactions from the adults around us at that time. As such, not only are we able to remove the limiting beliefs borne from our negative experiences, we become better parents too.

The resources are now here and we’re ready to share them with you. Contact Us.   

children, love, award of love, pleasure, pain

A Game of Love

Games of Love

“Within our workbook we talk about games of fear and games of love”

It’s our belief (and dream) that if everyone woke up to the reality of these games, the world would be a very different place. How do you think things would be if we all woke to the reality of truth?

The truth is hard. It’s hard to read and it’s hard to accept. It’s this way for some very simple reasons, the main one being, that if we acknowledged truth, many of us would need to look very deeply at ourselves and change. We’d have to change from the patterns of thinking and ways of being, we currently understand, into something simple and less complicated.

“Because we’ve been taught that simple is incorrect, living a less complicated lifestyle, has become hard. We’ve also been taught to associate negative connotations with simple, such as boring, wasteful or new age”

The thing is, love is the simplest concept of all. When we take away all the clutter, fear and drama, we’ve all come to accept as normal, love becomes what it is: simple and beautiful.

Put in its most formal terms, games of fear are those games we play that are based on fear. We play them in an attempt to avoid loss, loneliness and taking personal responsibility for ourselves (becoming adult). Whereas games of love are those that are played to empower each other; such as leading good example and empowerment through teaching each other how to live well.

“Games of love are beautiful because they empowers all participants, whereas a game of fear only creates the illusion of love and empowers no one” 

When it comes to living well there are some individuals doing this making millions; it’s not just those manufacturing rubbish that get rich. Forget all the nonsense about wealth having nothing to do with love. We can earn plenty of money whilst empowering others.

Take the example of those industries manufacturing all the stuff that’s causing so much sickness in society: the sugary drinks, crisps, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol and so on. And now think about the individuals selling good lifestyle habits. They’re making just as much money. We know where we sit and surly sleep better at night.

“So love and money are connected yet it’s a choice in how we decide to make it”

We can earn money through empowering with love or through exploiting fear, it’s a choice we must make. In all probability it’s a little easier to make money selling things we believe help alleviate fear. This is certainly the case in a society conditioned to believe: consumption cures fear.

When sad, unhappy or in pain many are conditioned to turn to the junk food, followed by the sugary, energy drink or slice of cake, rather than going for a run. It might even seem counterintuitive to understand that the best cure for depression is change and exercise.

The truth may seem hard, because once acknowledged, we will need to apply ourselves. We humans do often go for the easiest options, especially when those who raised us, also believed in pacifying us with junk.

Good habits are formed when we’re shown good example. When we all show the example of loving each other through empowerment (rather than the quick fix of pleasure) we can be just as prosperous, and in the end, we’ll all be much, much healthier.

“Curing pain with pleasure is our reality”

If you feel sad or stressed and have been conditioned to believe alcohol, drugs or a chocolate bar is the answer, this is curing pain with pleasure. Believe it or not the true cure to changing pain, is not with pleasure, but with energy.

For example the energy needed for exercise changes pain. Physical activity is the empowerment of love never the chocolate bar; that’s teaching fear through curing pain with pleasure. We say this because it’s the parent, who fears their child’s pain, that provides the easy fix, rather than the effort of discipline leading to good example.

As adults, if your parents were confused and fearful, the trick is to become your own parent. Begin to teach the truth, of loves empowerment, by playing a game of love through setting yourself good example.

Getting wealthy might be harder when teaching truth and yet it’s those special individuals, who do this, that always leave the greatest legacy. What kind of legacy do you want to leave. Contacting You

Offensively Defensive

“It’s come to my attention that passive-aggressive is the result of shockingly low self-esteem”

You’ve probably experienced it, the person who is nice and gentle to your face, but bitchy and cruel when your back is turned. Or perhaps someone who’s slightly more direct: “You’re such a lovely person why don’t you wear nicer clothes.” Or, “You’re so pretty, you’d make much more of yourself if you dyed your hair, and wore a little makeup.”

Another example of passive-aggressive is the “I’m only joking” response. It’s that time when the joke’s at your expense – you take offence – and the “I’m only joking” rebuttal is used. Or there’s being pleasant one minute and sarcastic the next.

Sullen behaviour is also often exhibited by the passive-aggressive. It’s a form of manipulation, as is being taught guilt; or perhaps as it’s better understood, we’re ‘sent on a guilt trip’ or ‘given the cold shoulder.’ Those with low self-esteem, who find confidence a threat, are often the worst manipulators.

“People who find you a threat – because of their low self esteem – are more likely to use sarcasm and a passive-aggressive stance”

To help discharge, any negative emotions this might create within us, we can see this kind of behaviour as the defence mechanism of the emotionally immature. It’s also the kind of behaviour often exhibited by children seeking love and attention. Allow their behaviour to become ‘water of a duck’s back.’

“We could – if we choose – give them the love they’re seeking by making them aware of their behaviour. Send them this post if you like” 

The more you understand the psychology – of why people are the way they are – the more bulletproof you become. It will also become easier to enjoy your life and dismiss the negative people from it.

The other side of this, is finding yourself wondering: “Why is it so many people seem to take a dislike to me?” Or “Why do I get sacked from jobs so often?” It could well be, that it’s in your nature, to be passive-aggressive and defensive. Over time, this behaviour can become an unconscious, instant reaction, to those we feel threatened by. Working on raising our self-esteem and self-awareness helps to improve interpersonal skills.  

On parting I recently said to someone:

“Stay out of trouble.”

The response was:

“Trouble finds me.”

I understand why. Do you?

If you’d like improved interpersonal skills and a bulletproof vest

Contact Us.


“There needs to be a clear distinction between certain types of control”

Let’s start gently and talk about control over our minds. Mastery over our thinking, habits, behaviour and general mindset (what we choose to believe) is a Beautiful thing. That’s right, a Beautiful thing, because we’re then deciding of our future lives. We’re more able to exert discipline over our minds when we lose control of everything else. A Paradox. How this is achieved is something I’ll come back to.

In direct opposition to this is the mastery over somebody else’s mind. Many of us grow up in an atmosphere, where negative, forceful influence over each other and our minds, is the norm. As such, we then go on to seek relationships that are based on the types of behaviour we’ve witnessed as ‘normal’ in the past. We may not even know that what we’re doing is destructive and abusive behaviour toward others. It was, and is, the norm.

“The ways in which people seek to accomplish this are vast, and way beyond the scope of this short, blog post”

It’s fair to say, most of us look to exert our will, over that of others, to varying degrees. Fact; an unfortunate part of life, but part of the human condition, all the same. The trick, is to become so aware of our behaviour, that we’re then the master of ourselves alone. Ultimately, this is the only control you’ll ever really need. It’s worth pondering on.

Another limiting form of control is seeking to alter and manipulate circumstances that are uncontrollable. An easy example would be to think of that time you were running late. You’re late so you try and make up time by rushing around, speeding in your car, running for that bus, train and so on. You still end up being late, and probably over stressed, to boot. Lose control and just be late.

More often than not, if you’re generally a punctual person, you’re being late for a reason – beyond human awareness – that with hindsight, can be seen in a more positive light: The train you should have caught crashed, or there was a pileup on the motorway, you know the kind of thing.

Now to how we lose the need for control over others and circumstances. We need to lose the fear. The fear, is that we won’t get what we want; that we won’t be happy and satisfied in some way. The fear, that through losing control of others, or circumstances, we will experience physical or emotional pain; that we will lose out in some way.

“Think back to the example just given, of the train crashing, or the pileup on the motorway. When we choose to lose the fear, we actually experience less pain. Given our example, you might even lengthen your life”

We know life is full of paradoxes. We may want to avoid learning new ways of thinking about things – because this challenges how safe we feel – about the truth of the world we’ve created around us. Yet once again, by dropping what we think is the truth, we open up our lives in extraordinary ways, through seeing the truth. Believe it or not, there is a universal truth, most of us aren’t acknowledging.

To close, allow me to give you further example of fear, by teaching it in a positive light (yes fear can be a positive motivator). Get thinking about how you’re going to make our workshop in September. There will be many others, however, we know how precious your life is, so how can you possibly afford to waste time through procrastination? It could be said, procrastination is the unconscious intention to control others. Surely the worst of all? Complete the form to apply for your place.

Don’t Sweat it, The Solution is Here

“Even though it might sound scary to hear: “you are not aware of the reason why you’re unable to get what you want,” it is easily resolved”

Of course, if you were aware of the reason, you’d easily fix it wouldn’t you? That’s where the ‘easy’ bit comes into play: awareness. When we know exactly what the problem is, we’re empowered to repair it.

Let’s say you had toothache. You might take some strong painkillers to begin with but eventually, as the pain persisted, you’d seek out the services of a dentist. This does beg the question of why so many of us put up with the emotional pain and frustration of not being able to find fulfilment or peace. Do we think there’s no one or ‘no thing’ to turn to? Or is it because the issue is with our minds we feel there’s no choice. At the end of the day, it could be said, all problems originate from within the mind. We feel the pain in a tooth but it’s our brain creating the sensation.

The motivation to be free of pain, or to move forward and seek more from life, are equally as important. We move forward when we understanding what’s holding us back in the first place. The motivation to be free of physical pain is obvious. We want relief. When it comes to the motivation for more this is often driven by fear or the need to please. The reward of praise and of course money are also important. The alternative to this, is to have a ‘purer’ motivation; that of love. When this is the case things get much easier and stable. When we love ourself sufficiently toothache is unlikely in the first place. When we simply love what we do this is motivation aplenty. 

“It could be that you don’t have anything you love and feel passionate about”

Relax, because all this means is, you’ve yet to find it. In order to find that ‘thing’ our minds must be in the right place. Clearing away much of the clutter is the solution to that particular problem. The clutter is the programming and conditioning of our beliefs.

It’s been made very clear in the previous post how the nature of our beliefs create circumstances where we fail to filter out our conditioning. In other words, living in a particular way is unrecognised as conditioning and state of mind. When we adopt a particular lifestyle, not pushing our boundaries sufficiently, this is through the expectations and conditioning dictated by others. The way we live is considered the norm by the people around us. It just becomes the accepted norm and we have no clue, idea or inclination, to move beyond a certain point.

We don’t even know why we feel frustrated because we can’t ‘see’ the conditioning; we have no filter. No awareness. Bring in the belief (and actually believe it yourself) “love is work made visible” for example, and things begin to change.

“It’s the filtering system we must look at”

The challenge, of explaining how belief and/or lack of it, can just as easily disable, as enable us, is not to be underestimated. For example – and to meet this challenge – if you believed it the norm to spend most of your time around other human beings, yet felt at your most productive and happiest when alone, there’s obviously going to be conflict. If we now creatively question this, and then bring in the belief “there is no norm,” we reduce the conflict. We’ve questioned a limiting belief and introduced a more useful one. We’ve altered the filters.

Let’s look at another one. The statement: “a motorcycle needs to be noisy in order to be safe” (other road users can hear you) is not a fact but bullshit. This particular nonsense is pedalled by those who think a noisy bike is an expression, of one kind or another, but in reality, has very little to do with road safety. I for one get annoyed with people who feel it okay to infect the air with their racket. The louder the bike the more frightened everyone else should be kind of thing.

“It might be the case that a pedestrian can hear a noisy bike coming but it’s a pedestrians responsibility to also open his eyes”

A strong wind and a fast bike can diminish and push away a lot of sound from a pedestrian’s ears, as such, how loud a fast bike is – on a windy day – becomes irrelevant. And now with the advent of electric cars and bikes, more kids are going to need the importance of looking up, drummed into them.

Anyway, the belief: Bikes need to be noisy to be safe, is a convenience for cretins on loud machines. Many beliefs are simply there for the convenience of those who hold them. The example given above makes it clear how a belief, misguided, convenient or whatever, is a filter that keeps the holder stuck. I doubt we’ll get to see a Hell’s Angel – with his silly patch sewn onto his sleeve, machete or shotgun over his shoulder – riding on the back of an electric motorcycle any day soon. Who knows though, perhaps they’ll prove me wrong. Brum, brum, or is it Swisssssh . . . Love it!

The Filters to Absurdity

“I wonder if you remember mixing paint together in art classes at school?”

A big brush held in a small hand creating new colours through mixing the primary colours in light. Mix yellow and red and you’d magically get orange. Blue and yellow to get green; blue and red to find the beautiful colour violet. Who said magic doesn’t belong on planet Earth?

For many it’s a fascinating experiment when first observed. And it’s not until we understand the nature of light, how it’s made up of all the different colours of the spectrum, do we get a clearer sense of the outcome when we mix things up a little

When we look closer at the properties of light, and why everyday objects reflect the colours they do, grass is green, the sky is blue etc., we get a clearer understanding of how our beliefs also act as the filters to our world.

Why is the grass green? Well, put simply, the reason grass is green is because the molecules within it, absorb light in a different way, to let’s say, red chillies. The molecules within grass reflect the green wavelength of light from the sun and absorb the rest; likewise with chillies. The chilli reflects red but absorbs all other colours.

“So, moving this forward, and using it as an analogy of the nature of mind-beliefs, we get a sense of their filtering or reflective nature”

Just as with the reflective nature, of everyday objects to light, if you believe you can’t do something, or have no belief in your ability, this is how the mind will negate or ignore your potential respectively.

Our beliefs are similar to the way colours are absorbed (a red chilli is red because it absorbs all other colours except red). Without undue resistance, we simply do the very things, we believe in. In fact, so immediate is the effect, we don’t even notice.

For example, if you believed the belief I’m a good communicator (perhaps translates as: I’m a good talker), you’d simply do it without needing to give it much conscious thought at all. The opposite of this is also true. If you believed the belief: I’m a poor communicator, you’d stumble, mumble, cough and struggle through the whole process, or potentially, you’d never say anything. On this point, is it just me, or are many of our young becoming increasingly poor communicators? Anyway, back on track and:    

“Getting down and dirty for a moment”

Let’s take the example of this belief: Love is control. Now, as absurd as it might seem, it’s perfectly possible (for a while at least) that this belief would award its holder the ability to control the person they’re supposedly in love with. What happens though, when the varying means used for control, inevitably fail?

Perhaps the frustration of such failure would drive them into getting hold of a gun and shooting the individual they were unsuccessfully trying to control? In the mind of such an individual, they may even now, through their insanity, still believe love equals ownership and control. How many murderers (insanely) still think they have the upper hand? Is taking someone’s life perhaps the ultimate in control? Interesting, is it not, how an absurd belief can still potentially be maintained even after its failure. How many perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they’re in love? WTF?

Let’s go further and give a positive, much simpler example, of the filtering nature of beliefs. Consider the belief in luck. As a consequence of filtering life through the belief: I am lucky, you certainly will be!

Every occurrence of good fortune will be attributed to your lucky nature; and good luck to you! In addition to this, the belief you’re lucky, will, in effect bring you more good luck, simply because you’re filtering out bad luck.

“It’s not necessarily the case that you do experience more luck than average, however, seeing life through rose coloured spectacles, as it were, means your life will seem to you, and perhaps even others, more fortunate and happier than average”

One sure way to get above the average, and increase the amount of luck and happiness you experience in life, is to begin wondering how you might filter your thoughts in a more positive way. Removing the beliefs that negatively influence you will be just the start.

If there are presently negative, controlling influences in your life, questioning your beliefs will undoubtedly help you understand why. There will be a reason. Indeed we could all ask: Why are we putting up with the negatives from the people around us? Believing in the importance of living life on our terms, as free individuals – in complete control of our futures – is a filter (belief) to nurture and propagate.

Remember now, how red and blue created the new and beautiful colour, of violet? This understanding helps to clarify how believing the beliefs: love and freedom – mixed together – equal happiness. Ponder on this, it will  help you find its reality.

Personal Development from The Freedman College will help you discover more about this fascinating subject. Contact Us, you never know your luck, or do you?

Expensive Habits

“My counterpart at The Freedman College – Phil Whittingham – spent many years working as a Clinical and Analytical Hypnotherapist”

In his capacity as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, he treated many individuals, helping them break bad habits. The most obviously and well known of those is that of smoking.

At that time, twenty years ago, smoking was of course less expensive than it is today. Nevertheless, it was still an expensive habit even then, and so when we think of what it costs to smoke twenty cigarettes a day now, it quite takes the breath away (cough). We’re talking about approximately £3.360 per year.

More than anything, when looking at figures like that, my first thoughts turn to time and energy. How much time do we need to spend at work, earning this money, so we’re then able to pay for something that’s shortening our lives? For most people it’s a no brainer. That said, millions of people still smoke here in the UK. The figures are staggering if you care to look.

“As far as we’re concerned, the crux of the matter, is understanding the root of the issue”

Looking at the figures already mentioned, it’s easy to see the continuance of smoking – and most other addictions – as something that defies logic. It’s illogical, to continue doing something that costs us so much in time and energy, yet we continue. Why?

The simple answer is, this kind of habitual behaviour, is beyond our conscious control. The alternative – a person in full control of their mind – is no doubt puzzled, and somewhat dismayed, by the self-destructive nature of his fellow humans. Puzzled because unless we’ve actually experienced how it feels to have a hopeless addiction, it can be hard to understand, and sympathise with.

Even though we may find it hard, it’s important to remember, much of the root to addiction is driven by a sense of emptiness, guilt and indeed unhappiness. Without the fleeting satisfaction (and relief from guilt) one gets from feeding an addiction, the addicted, feel they’ll have problems coping. The belief is the addiction actually helps them cope. Looked at objectively, in the long term, all unhealthy addictions do in fact worsen the situation. An example of belief defying logic if ever there was one. Beliefs often do this, consider how religious beliefs defy, all logic.

“All things said, the degree of control we have over our minds relates closely to awareness”

Once we’re aware of the root to our addictions and compulsive behaviour we’re better able to gain control. The birthplace of our beliefs and self-destructive behaviour is often buried beneath our conscious awareness. Once we become aware, the affect, is to increase choice. If we’re aware of the driving forces behind self-destructive behaviour, but continue in the same vein, this surley makes it a deliberate act. A different matter entirely.

“A conscious choice, into throwing oneself of a building, is very different to the slow suicide of smoking?”

We can contribute so many destructive patterns, and our seeming inability to control them, to our lack of conscious awareness. Part of gaining full control over our lives, comes from the ability to question the usefulness of compulsive, habitual behaviour. Being able to spend more time doing the things we enjoy, through ridding ourselves of expensive habits, and the feelings and beliefs that drive them, is within everyone’s grasp. We do this through raising the level of our awareness.

It could be that we have no bad habits and yet feel the need for better control over our future plans and life. Either way, we must take some time to consider how time and energy, well invested, can help smooth out and lengthen this extraordinary journey through life.

Right from the off, our unique style of Personal Development, opens up this process through introducing mindfulness and meditation. A well understood method of raising our awareness. Check out our schedule here.

Wise Investments

Wise Investments

Investing in marketing, or some other business related issue, isn’t necessarily going to start showing an immediate return. A new oven in the kitchen of a restaurant, for example, won’t get paid for until its churned out quite a few joints of roast beef. I’ve used the example of roast beef since learning recently that the French call the English “roast beef.” This is done in the belief it’s the only thing eaten this side of the channel. So much for the marketing success of English cuisine!

Anyway, marketing is such a fickle beast, and so much of an art to get right, that seeing a tangible return from our investments and endeavours, can indeed take years. Either because it’s taken some time to perfect our strategy, or people need to be made aware of the services we offer, to begin with. This begs the question: can you create a market where none exists? Or is something only ever considered when introduced by someone first hand; the guy knocking on the front door for example. Knock, Knock.

“All the same, knocking on doors, advertising or investing in tools of the trade, it all costs time and money”

For some, it’s a very brave step to start spending money, where it’s known and understood, there’s unlikely to be an immediate return on our investments. As with many things, there may be no guarantee, they’ll actually be any return. This is where calculated risk comes into play. Successful investors are very good at working out the risks and the potential returns on any future business.

On a personal level, we reduce risk through ensuring that what we have to offer, is a quality product or service. I’m not not just talking about ensuring the roast beef (there with that example again) isn’t overcooked. We need to also talk about the person; the individual behind the product, or service. Aside from business matters, this is also relevant to our personal life, for:

“Meeting the woman, or man of our dreams, is achieved by ensuring we’re able to present ourselves as a worthy catch”

Developing courage, persona, self-esteem with fabulous attitude to life, does not come naturally to many. Most of us need to work at it. If we’re not developing – with all of these thing’s in mind – we will be stagnating and wasting our money. Be the complete package. Invest in yourself. Attend a Personal Development Workshop.


Of late I’ve been concentrating on losing weight. This morning I weighed myself and feel happy to report I’m now under fourteen stone. Hurrah! Cycling up the hills around the administration home of The Freedman College, is at last, becoming easier.

“Also this morning I’ve realised something very important: eating sweet stuff has been filling a void and links very closely to a neglectful past”

Many of us will remember happy feelings associated with consuming sugary food and drink. It is well understood that due to this link, we often consume sugary foods in an attempt to alleviate stress, loneliness (emptiness) and unhappiness. Indeed, for a short time, it works.

Hopefully, once we realise the long term effects, and dangers of these effects, we wake and begin to change. The question now is: What happens to the stress, emptiness and unhappiness? It’s a good question, because for many, other coping mechanisms are never found, and you can guess the result. Yep, the weight is piled back on, plus a little more for good measure. A cyclic nightmare faced by thousands.

“Coping mechanisms are what the words would suggest: methods of coping that are never actually a long term fix. In time they always fail”  

There are a myriad of coping mechanisms. It’s when young that we’re generally taught how to use external stimuli in order to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Here in the west – in addition to food – we’ve grown used to enjoying possessions as a means of distracting ourselves from real feelings. We feel sad, and to feel slightly better about things, we go outside and look at our car, or house or whatever. It works for a short while.

With this in mind, the ideal is to find a way of resolving the conflict – of finding a physical cure for a metaphysical sickness – and remove the need for any kind of coping mechanism at all. Potentially, in order to start the process of not needing to simply cope, all we need, is the understanding of what we’re actually doing. Enlightenment if you like.

“It’s far better to deal with the roots of the issue so we can remove the need to just cope”

Knowledge and understanding are the weapons against all dis-ease. And so becoming aware of what we are in fact doing, and why we’re struggling with our addictions, empowers us with increased choices. There is one thing this knowledge can’t remove though: hunger.

The feelings associated with hunger are a little complicated. In the first place we’re using sugary food and drink as a coping mechanism, and so when we stop using them in this way, we have the original emptiness to deal with plus the feelings of hunger. A double whammy. In this instance we must associate a positive with hunger, here it is: Feelings of hunger tell us we’re losing weight! That is the positive. As far as dealing with them goes, we must endure. We must embrace the feelings. All of them.

“Sadness and emptiness (loneliness) can be difficult to deal with. Get to know what the emptiness is and how the sadness comes from that. We want something the sugary food satiates. What is that thing?”

For those who’ve never really experienced love – or have only experienced love coupled with complicated and confused messages – removing a coping mechanism, such as overeating, can be a real challenge.

Fluctuations in weight are the result of all this conflict. Many of use drink (or stronger drugs) and cigarettes as a means of filling the emptiness and helping with sadness. When we give those things up, food is often turned to. Especially if sweet things helped to distract the mind when a we were small children.

“All I can say to these people, myself included, is we must endure. We must learn about love and we must find more from life. They are actually very simple solutions once we face the truth”

The Sublime

There is something very powerful I can share with you now, and that is this simple truth: Those who’ve lacked any real and tangible love in their lives, find the ability to endure this, through giving it. That’s right. Love is empowerment and so when we understand how to empower others it all becomes an interesting paradox. The paradox is, those who missed their valuable lessons in love during childhood, actually become the exponents of love, who find it later in life, through teaching it now. Take some time to understand how to empower others and fill the empty void. It’s easier than you think. No coping mechanism now; all you need, is love.

A True Intelligence

“We humans believe we’re intelligent”

The question is: does this belief help or hinder us?

There are those who would say that you are what you believe, i.e, if you believe you’re intelligent, then you will be. However we must consider the yardstick we’re measuring ourselves against. How do we know we’re intelligent?

Science fiction often presumes there to be far more advanced civilisations out there, and to some extent, even creates concepts and ideas only an advanced lifeform could conceive of. Doesn’t the fact we’re able to do that mean we are in fact intelligent; that we are a higher intelligence.

“Believing something doesn’t make it a fact”

It’s so often the case that we allow commerce, money and growth, to come before intelligence is it not? Consider the packaging industry. Surely there’s been a lack of forethought in respect of the materials they use. The amount of plastic produced is out of control, and this is surely due to a lack of forethought, and future projection. It really isn’t rocket science. All we needed to do, was think about the rather indestructible nature of plastic, and then think about how life would be, if nearly every-product-on-the-high-street were wrapped in it. Suffocating to think about.

“Nevertheless it is actually true to say, we humans are pretty smart; it’s just that we allow ourselves to become a little distracted at times”

In order to distract ourselves we do need our games. There are games that have been drawn up with intelligence, and there are those that are there, simply to entertain. It’s often the games that manipulate our emotions that are the most destructive. These games are played by manipulative adults to amuse themselves and have very little, if any, consideration for others. They’re played only for the sake of the game and the consequences for others are of no real concern.

It isn’t that the players don’t necessarily care, no, the problem is, they only care about how the outcome is likely to effect them. They’re often unable to empathise with others. Even if the consequences of the game were nuclear war, for example, it wouldn’t really matter to the player, whose only concern is for the self and winning. Especially if they have a nuclear bunker, ha ha.

“Anyway, if we want to exhibit the truly intelligent force-for-good that we are, all we need do, is slow-up a little”

Weighing up all the possible connotations and consequences of our actions takes time. If we don’t have the time to do this we must pass it on. Asking the questions, and then working out all the possible outcomes, takes time. Some decisions may need the work of several generations before the final choice is made. We’re all in far too much of a hurry. Slow down. Take a breath. We do this, and we increase the chances of things coming good, in the end.

We may not live to see these clever, well thought out, comings, and yet when we remove self-centeredness, (through maturing as a species) all we will then care about, is how the game comes out in the end. After all, the game of life, is not about winning or losing. No, believe it or not, the game of life is about survival. Survival is not winning, survival is caring about the outcome, for others. Some players seem to have lost track of these particular rules. Think things out.

In answer to the question at the top of the page: Does the belief we’re intelligent help or hinder us, the only way this will prove helpful, is if it’s coupled with another belief: We are thoughtful.

The Time Machine of Opportunity

Time Travel Memories


The ladders clattered as he plonked them down on the roof rack. He automatically attached the bungee cord around them, so they wouldn’t slide off, when he pulled away later. That only had to happened once before for him to learn the importance of strapping things down. It was now something he did without giving much thought. His mind was on the day ahead: how many houses there were on his round today. How many windows to clean? Not too many, but enough to help with the rent, and buy some food later.

Life seemed okay. He was glad to have finally gotten away from his parents house. They’d recently moved into council accommodation on the other side of town. That brought problems of its own, what with coming from a middle class background, and then being thrown over onto the dark side of a council estate.

Glue sniffers on one side and milk thieves on the other. His mother hadn’t quite caught up with the fact they now lived on a shit-hole estate. For example, if you were naive enough to have milk delivered – as had been the case on the ‘better’ side of town – the neighbours simply got up before you, and stole it off the step. Really mother!? The final straw for him had been when some bastard had slashed all four of the new tyres he’d just had fitted to his car. What the fuck?

He’d changed the car since. He now drove a white Austin Maxi, not exactly much street cred in that, but he’d never really been overly bothered about that kind of thing; at least not when it came to cars that is. Besides, little did the boy racers know, it was actually the twin carb version; surprisingly quick off the mark. Yes things weren’t looking too bad; his little business was doing okay. This year he’d gained a few more customers; he’d also painted the exterior of four houses during the summer months. He could be proud, should be, but never quite was.  

His mind still on the day head, he turned around to fetch a few final things from the flat; water for his bucket essentially, it was then that he saw her.

She was rounding the corner of his street with an expectant smile on her face. His girlfriend, or, as he’d come to think of her recently, ex girlfriend. A week prior they’d had a row and gone their separate ways; at least that’s what he thought, and yet in an instant, all that had seemingly changed.

The row had started because his girlfriend’s mother disapproved of him; had even gone to the trouble of calling his mother to let her know: “My daughter could have had anyone but she chose your son!” slamming the phone down before his mother had chance to say anything. Hindsight had taught him a useful response: “Yes, and isn’t she lucky to have him.” Too late for that now? No, actually.

It was seeing her smile through the tears and feeling her neediness, and his emptiness, that caused him to take her in. She said she didn’t care what her parents thought. Said she loved him. It would prove to be one of the defining moments of his life.


We all have memories of events from the past, that seem more prevalent, than others; memories that seem to pop into our awareness more frequently than others. Certainly in quieter moments of reminiscence – especially for clients during analysis – certain memories can surface with powerful clarity.

When we take a moment, to ponder on why these memories are the most powerful, we easily see their emotional content. It’s the emotional content that make our memories lasting. Happy or sad, angry or confused, emotion is the key.

The snippet of memory (often that’s all there is) relayed above, is significant, in its detail. For two people to be brought together through neediness, and the disapproval of parents, was potentially always going to be a recipe for disaster. Of course they believed they were in love, and to a great extent, they were. The only problem being, there was a slight imbalance in what that love was and meant, to each individual within the relationship.

As is now understood, in order to feel loved the young woman needed caring for as if she were still a child, and the young man needed to do the caring. There was no understanding of the empowering nature of mature love, or how this needed to be a reciprocal, for their relationship to have gone the distance.

No matter how long this memory is looked at though, the relationship was always destined to fail. Even if the young man’s girlfriend had attempted to empower him in return, it would have been rejected, or simply not understood. A woman empowering a man was not something he’d ever experienced, as such – and certainly not at that stage of his life – he would have never been able to acknowledge or accept it.

“Parents must exhibit empowering behaviour between each other for children to comprehend what a grown version of love is”

If we’ve never witnessed something, how will we ever learn, and know it. It’s the same with anything: when we see, hear and feel something, we have a far greater chance of it sticking. If we’ve experienced none of those things we remain in the dark.

Modelling behaviour is something we all do. When the model isn’t there to begin with, we blindly fumble our way through relationship after relationship, hoping to learn from our mistakes. A very painful method indeed. Fodder for the stories of dysfunctional relationships in soap operas no doubt. Painful and unnecessary.

Unnecessary, provided we take the time to learn a model of behaviour that speaks of grown love, and the importance of understanding what empowerment is. Not only that, but the importance of understanding and accepting the reciprocal nature of empowerment, is something we must grasp for our relationships to be both strong and lasting.

Powerful and evocative memories, that seem more prevalent than others, are there for clear reason. These memories are often pivotal moments in time and life. Moments where we’ve made decisions that a part of us (potentially a higher part) recognised as being very significant.

We make turns, changes and adjustments to our lives, based on the decisions we make. When we go back, and revisit prominent memories, we often see the alternative branches – of choice – we could have made. We see the consequences and effects of the moments we lived through with less experience than we have now. When we do this, we open up additional branches of opportunity, that are the consequence of hindsight. 

“Through memories we become time travellers that can correct future mistakes, through the clarity of seeing their significance, in the past”

Be aware of the significance of prominent memories, they may well have been turning points, in your life. Your mind may be saying: “See this and don’t do it again.” Did you make the correct choice before? Could you have done things better? Could your children learn something – improved on – from your own childhood?

Our Workshop Manual is the correction of future mistakes through having visited them in the past. 

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own accomplishments”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  


Endorsed by Whom?

“Products and services always seem to do so much better when they’re endorsed by a high achiever or someone famous don’t they?”

For example, if Tony Robbins stood up and said something like (and it’s important to imagine a loud gravelly voice here) “This book will change your life!” Would it increase the books chances of being bought? I reckon yes. By the way, if you don’t know who Tony Robbins is, he’s a terrifyingly over exuberant American author and life coach. Although he’d probably disagree. He likes to fuck with minds.

“It’s all the same isn’t it. If I wanted to sell a book about mountain climbing I’d need to get Ben Fogle, or the likes, to write me a forward”

The point is though, it’s so often the case that even though some products and services are endorsed by people we know or recognise, there’s no guarantee they’re actually going to do what it says on the tin. Endorsed or not we really do need to try these things out for ourselves. What works for one person may well have no effect on another.

“An endorsement by someone who knows what they’re talking about does mean we’re more likely to get value for money”

At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Value for money. We also need to believe and trust that what’s being said will prove useful, true, and of real value. We want to know the product or service we’re experiencing has been endorsed by an ‘expert in the field.’ This creates trust; perhaps an illusion, but it’s there all the same.

“It’s my belief that trust is a fools game. Trust creates belief and we’ve trusted (believed in) some very dodgy people in the past have we not?

Belief, that has been formed through careful considered thought and questioning, is often a rarity, and an entirety different matter, to trust”

What exactly is the purpose of trust. Are we saying we believe in something or someone when we say we trust it? Take the drugs industry. How many of us blindly take drugs having no real proof of whether they work or not? Why do we blindly trust the person dispensing them? Time and time again we find that drugs haven’t actually been properly tested, and indeed may well be dangerous, to our health. Yet we keep doing it don’t we? We say: “Just take the pain away, make me better, make me whole again please.”

We unquestioningly trust and believe in drugs. We also believe and trust in those who prescribe and hand them out. We’ve undoubtedly been conditioned by a very wealthy and powerful industry to do so. How ever did this happen?

“Ultimately, the only endorsement you will ever really need, is your own”

If you’re going mountain climbing, or embarking on self development, finding books that have been endorsed by an ‘expert’ is advisable. We must remember though, the ‘expert’ on your life and future, will always end up being you alone. So buy the book, but remember; just because the likes of Oprah Winfrey – only needs to have farted on a book for it to have made a million – there’s no guarantee she’s understood it, or actually read it.

More than anything ‘experts’ in the field, have become this way, through reading books that weren’t necessarily endorsed by anyone. All they did, was find the courage to open up their minds, to something that challenged (didn’t endorse) their current thinking. Further to this, there are some books that it’s simply impossible to endorse; there’s literally no one sufficiently qualified, or experienced enough, to do so. I wonder how many of us consider this?

A final thought to leave you with: Think about those books written by men and endorsed by God. How the fuck did they get away with that one? But we trust and believe, don’t we? 

Take a chance. Embark on a journey that will change your life.

Create Something Beautiful

Weeping With the Effort

His alarm went off.

The smart phone was set to vibrate as well. The night before, he’d placed it on top of the headboard, so the sound of the vibration went through the whole bed. “Fuck” he said.

Later, on his way in to work, he suddenly and inexplicably, felt emotional. I could weep with all the effort of this shit, he thought. To Evo life seemed to be all about effort with very little return. He once said to a colleague of his: “All those things priced at pennies, how do you ever make any money?” His colleague had simply replied: “All those pennies add up my mate.” It was a fact he’d never been able to get his head around.

It all seemed like so much effort.

His arms and legs felt like they had lead weights attached to them. Everything he did was, to his reckoning, done to the best of his abilities, and yet there was no gratitude, no appreciation, no fuck all! At least that’s how he saw it. There was another part of him that knew different. It was the part of him that found the energy to swing his legs out of bed in the morning.

One of Evo’s favourite sayings was “I should have been dead years ago, I was only supposed to make it to thirty three!” God only knew what that was doing to his mind. Knowing Evo’s luck, it was lengthening his life, rather than shortening it.

To make matters worse, another saying that’d been rattling around his head of late, that seemed in direct conflict to the first one, was this: “The best form of revenge is to outlive your abusers.” A saying he believed he’d discovered all by himself but was shocked to read, some months after penning it, that it was actually quite well known. He’d probably seen it somewhere years earlier and his mind had tricked him into thinking it an Evo original.

At times there seemed to be a lot of conflict in Evo’s mind.

A lot of it had escalated as a result of his mate, John, skulking off during a night out. Just when the party had started as well. He seem unusually upset about being knocked back by one of the two girls that had approached them. They were just mind-fuck bitches anyway; just out for the craic.

He found the coke – that John had so ungratefully turned down that night – his way of letting off steam. If it wasn’t for that stuff, he reckoned he’d go right of his nut with the effort of it all. Perhaps it was time for a change. He remembered overhearing a conversation in the staff room once where someone, he didn’t know particularly well, had said how tired and worn out he felt all the time. How it all seemed like such an effort. Just as Evo had inexplicably felt earlier, he’d said that some days he felt like crying, when he thought about the effort of it all. His friend sitting at the table said it was depression and told him to go look for another job. Told him it was time for change.

If this was also true for Evo, the question was, what would he do? He was so wrapped up with sales, advertising and marketing – something he didn’t believe he was very good at – that he didn’t seem to have room for much else.

Anyway, there was always the weekend to look forward to. A little bit of the white stuff, with a Jack and Ginger to follow, and all will be well. At least for a little while.

Blow Jobs and Burning Dreams

She made a point of not thinking about it too much. It was a means to an end; jump in the cab in the dead quiet of early morning, quick blow job, fifty in her hand.

It was her pimp and dealer that seemed to cause her the most grief in life these days. What with his cut and the cost of shooting up these days. One day she’d quit, that was what she kept telling herself anyway. After seeing the old girls on the street corners; worn out, tired, with only the desperate paying them half what the lorry drivers paid her. She’d tell herself, I’ll never end up like that.

She’d found a little niche market for herself you see. It was during the drive back to her patch, with her pimp driving, that she’d first noticed it. He was doing his usual gabbing about future plans. She had plans of her own. On that particular morning she happened to notice a queue of lorries in the lay-by near her place. A few days later, she’d taken it on herself to go round knocking on a few cab doors; just to see what came of it. A few hundred that first morning was what had; happened to have paid for some decent gear that.

Now, on one of her increasingly rare straight days, she sat watching telly. It was showing a repeat; one of those glitzy show biz awards ceremonies. There she was, Julia Roberts. Such a beautiful woman. Remembering the film Pretty Woman, it struck her as absurd, how the fairy tale romance within the film, was so far removed from the reality. Absurd, that someone such as the character Roberts had portrayed, would turn to prostitution to pay her way through college. Ridiculous.

She was under no illusion; could see the links and connections of why she did it; it was all she’d ever known: sex, men, being used and payed for it. Her own father had introduced her first paying customer; her uncle as it had turned out. Bastards really, the lot of them. As if Richard Gere’s character would need to pay for it. Such a load of old bollocks. The more she thought about it, the madder she often became. What a thing to do; glamorise the lowest and oldest profession of all. Julia Roberts was no better than her, just better paid. Best not to think about it too much. Her mind turned to the little stash of oblivion hidden away in the wardrobe.

Sound asleep later, her last thoughts would be dreams of her mother, and how her father had smiled after they’d cremated her. The building she was sleeping in was a high rise block; cheap with hundreds crammed in, it was home though. Everyone was so surprised at how quickly the building had caught. The inquiry later pointed the blame to the cladding on the outside. Surprising really when you think of it; so many souls in one place, so much precious life inadequately protected from harm. Still, she never suffered, never got old, never had to face anymore horrible reality. Those that had known her doubted she would have ever clean herself up anyway. Gone now, no matter.

The Stench Of Social Injustice

There is no such thing as justice. Where there is no justice there is no injustice. We must be cautious with this and ensure we follow specifics. Justice and injustice, in respect of the piece linked to, is very different, to the type I’m going to talk of here: social injustice.

“From a very early age we’re sold the fairy tales”

This is of course the reason why we’re so taken with the pomp and circumstance of royalty and in particular royal weddings. The idea, that a prince and princess can exist in real life, fascinates and engages the imagination. There are those that would say royal weddings create beauty in an ugly world. Bringing the fiction of the fairy tales of childhood to life is a wonderful thing. It certainly acts as a form of escape for many.

“I asked myself, what is the fascination, and why do we love them so?”

We love fiction and fear the truth. The truth is hard to bear. The acceptance that a royal wedding, even though it may appear to be fiction brought into real life, is but a lie. Love-ever-after, between the noble prince and the bashful princess, remains but a fiction. In reality, they still need to take a shit in the morning, and they still need to deal with the very human, and very painful drama, of relationships. We love the fantasy and fear the reality.

“The reality that finding our prince or princes remains forever an unattainable fiction for billions and a reality for just a few”

Whilst millions wallow in their own faeces, with the Ebola virus virulent, we have the fantasy sold as real. And even though there are those bleeding – usually from the eyes, and when close to death, possible bleeding from the ears, nose and rectum – we can escape for a moment or two.

“Just make sure you clear the homeless bums from around the area!”

Yes we can ignore the social injustice as long as we don’t smell it or see it but just remember my friends, all human shit stinks. As much as we sugar coat turds, if that’s all we’re prepared to do, it’ll never make a lasting change.

I want to know: In what way is royalty with their fiction made real, all their land, money and property, actually helping clear the rife abuse of our children in this world? In what way are they – the chosen ones – actually lifting ignorant breeders from their poverty? In what way are they ceasing the suffering of the child?

Does the daughter of an alcoholic man, who regularly rapes her, find the fairly tales a relief? Perhaps, but in the long term, the reality hits her hard: now she’s grown, taking the first stranger in her mouth, prostituting herself for drugs. Is this her prince? No, he’s a fucking cunt!

The fairy tale ultimately defines us as the ‘others’ and never those ‘chosen.’ Does this empower or keep us in our place: less of a human than they? After all, it’s all her fault; her choosing to become a drug addicted prostitute, is it not?

“We must never forget, royalty, have been chosen by God. We must never forget how at the wedding the preacher described social media as dysfunctional! Fuck! How they fear the truth. Fuck! How they fear free speech!”

Yes there’s injustice, the injustice of how the privileged and protected, keep us in our place. The injustice of how they remain the elite and powerful through the illusions we’re sold from birth. The illusion that ‘their shit don’t stink’ keeps alive the guilt of how the turds of the lesser mortals do. No matter how many weddings they have, or awards they give, there will always be something rotten to the core, we the under privileged, are too blind to see.

When Opportunity Comes Knocking

“Some of us are born with more opportunity than others”

Right place at the right time kind of thing. For example, if you’d been born into royalty, you’d have been offered the best education, the best food, the best of everything. As a royal, opportunity, certainly comes knocking.

The alternative is a life with few opportunities where everything can seem like a struggle. The average man is not offered the best of everything. Here in the UK if a person shows promise (intellectually) he or she might be offered a place at a grammar school. In fact, the government have recently increased funding to such schools, and there can be no objection to this. There’s some evidence to suggest pupils can just as easily be kept ‘down’ as well as brought ‘up’ by others. So, if you’re bright, you’ll more likely see opportunity coming your way.

Once again though, the alternative, is when we fail at the test for grammar school entry. This may be because we’re not academically inclined; not all of us are, however, it could also be that the education system isn’t suited to how our particular mind works. The way we think may differ to the majority. This difference is often flagged as being below average – or given some convoluted label – when the truth is, it could all be due to having ‘other’ things, on our mind.

“The home lives of many children are not what you would call conducive to being relaxed and focused”

There may be things missing or there might be inappropriate levels of stress present. Many kids are exposed to high levels of stress. This is often due to a spill over from the adults around them. Adult issues and worries can become those of the child too. When this is the case, opportunity, often passes them by.

When opportunities are offered many have the good sense to seize them. For example, if I was offered the opportunity of learning to fly a helicopter (for nothing other than my time), I’d grab at it with both hands. Have I been offered this? No, and so I won’t be taking my first lesson, anytime soon. If I really wanted to learn though, I’d find the money, and just get on with it. And here to the point, often, we need to be offered the opportunity before we take it. We need to have something placed in our laps before we consider it an option. It could be said, this is the difference between the haves, and the have knots.

“We must gain something from this understanding: the rest of us, who aren’t offered opportunity, need to get out there, find our driving, and create it for ourselves”

If you want to find and marry a beautiful gentle-man, or an attractive and joyful young woman, you’ll need to get out there and find one for yourself. Furthermore, if we want to learn to fly, we’ll need to understand, opening up our lives is achieved when we create our own opportunities. We must find the motivation and the means to succeed. You mightn’t be offered these opportunities on a plate, but the skill lies in recognising how we must seek them out, for ourselves. The talent, as they say, is in the choices.

Would you like to know more about how to open up your life? Contact Us.

A Desperate Search

Once again we’re seeing a lot of media coverage relating to mental health. Answers are being sought. Universities are talking about the lack of mental health support for the young, and we’re reminded of the number of people, taking their own lives. Suicide is now the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK with 84 taking their own lives every week.

“The feeling, is there’s a search for some kind of relief from the pain, but we must learn the realities of life, if we’re to survive”

To see death, as a better option than life, quite obviously, means our search is now over. When all options have been explored, and death the only one left, the focus has turned to the pain and nothing else. The mind has become locked into the depression and desperation the suicidal must feel.

No choice is the answer to finding this escape. Death is the result of there being no more choices left. Death though, is no choice, at all. For when we are dead, there is nothing. Can we empathise with those who feel that death must be better than all the pain? Can we understand the will to die being stronger than the will to live? I’m sure we can.

“I can remember feeling such emotional pain from my loneliness that I began to hallucinate, but the lasting cure I’ve found, is to love”   

There are those, so tormented by their loneliness, that their minds have constructed a fictional reality around them. This is a survival strategy. So strong is the will to live, that the mind will construct an imagined reality, in an attempt to alleviate the pain; to try and change the reality of the world they’re currently living in. Psychiatric wards are filled with such people. People with no one to love.

It’s my belief, the main reasons for suicide, are guilt, fear and loneliness. And so imagine it being possible to become one with the mind of a suicidal person. In order to truly understand what they’re going through – and offer some options they’re currently unable to see – we must be able to share their pain; their thoughts. Could we lengthen their lives by doing this? Could we also spare those left behind from the guilt, pain and confusion, suicide causes?

“Take a moment to imagine something for me”

Imagine being the last person on earth. How would you feel? Would the loneliness you’re likely to feel be painful enough for you to take your own life? Or would you find a way to deal with this? If the suicidal were placed into such a situation – where they believed they were the last man on earth – would they still commit suicide? We can only wonder; yet is it possible they wouldn’t? The reason why they mightn’t, is because suicide is often all about the people left behind, is it not? It’s about wanting others to share the pain. There is no love in suicide.

“If you were feeling suicidal – and the last man on earth – would you instead find something to love? After all, there’s no one left to feel your pain, now, is there?”

In this self-centered world, the suicidal have given up the futile search for understanding from others, and resorted to the final solution. It’s not until they’re dead do we, the closest to them, actually feel anything. We must feel this before they die if we’re to help them. To do this, we must snap out of our delusions and realise: many are unable to cope with the loneliness of having no one to love. They’re unable to cope with the lack. Is it not being totally focused on their suffering that causes the suicidal to pull the plug? There is no love in suicide.

“An empowering love for another keeps our will to live, stronger, than our will to die”  

Thankfully the vast majority of us don’t resort to suicide. When we’re despairing, with few options in sight, there is often a place in our minds (a not entirely conscious one) where we’re able to feel safe and loved. The suicidal have potentially never been shown this place, or have lost sight of it, along the way.

“What if we took hold of a depressed and suicidal youngster and asked: What is it – exactly – that you’re trying to achieve in life? Where are you headed? Who do you love? Who are you doing this for?”

Where did we all lose the love that takes so much of the loneliness away?

A Grown Up Passion

“What if everybody had an ‘I’m all right Jack, pull up the ladder’ attitude to life?”

What if every man was for himself? Not difficult questions and the answer is simple too: Society would become increasingly chaotic. We’d certainly have an increasing number of lost young men as their self-centered fathers deserted them. Young men left to find their own way in life often fall into the wrong kind of company.

Thankfully there are plenty of men who understand the need to be a good father. It often takes a lot of strength to be a good parent. A parent who’s prepared to look closely at the relationship they have with the mother or father of the children.

These same man and women understand the difficulties we all face within our relationships. Some of them are very patient, gentle and understanding, of their partners. Relationships can become very strained at times, and when we’re unable to understand why we may be rejecting each other, conflict grows and grows until the eventual split.

“It also takes a lot of strength for parents, who’ve decided to split, to become accepting of the importance of their respective, continued involvement, with the children”

It may be convenient for us to believe that a child only needs one parent. However convenient it may seem though, study after study has shown, when a child has a balanced and wide perspective of life – and idea of what it means to be a grown man or woman – they have greater chance of living a happy adulthood.

“And so it’s the ‘I’m all right Jack’s’ of this world who make it so challenging for the rest of us. Once again this has a lot to do with maturity”

In my previous post I spoke of my need to empower before feeling any sense of direction and purpose. For me to continue concentrating this need – on just one individual – as I did as a younger man, would be suggestive of emotional immaturity.

To only focus this need on the closest to me – potentially my partner – would also indicate an ‘I’m all right Jack’ kind of attitude. It simply doesn’t serve society well, if all we think of empowering, are those in our immediate vicinity; those in our family or close social circle.

Think of all those individuals who’ve chosen to work with our troubled and abandoned young. Youth workers and teachers. Do they have a self-centered attitude to life? Hardly. Potentially, and as hard as you might find this to accept, they’re the one’s stopping this whole mess from falling apart at the seams.

“We need a greater number of people, who recognise what kind of maturity is required to escape self-centeredness, teaching us how to find this for ourselves. The more mature we all are, the stronger our positive bonds, become”

In the long term there is no benefit to being self-serving. Think of the eventual pain and loneliness experienced by those who’ve lived codependent relationships. When one of them dies so does the other. When we see beyond the dead-end-brick-wall of self-centeredness, we open up our lives to more love, more compassion; more of everything.

Join us this September and experience what the maturity of paying it forward really means.          

What Would it Take?

“What would it take to help people understand, if the situation is bad to begin with, having children, will only make matters worse?”

And what if our understanding of the opposite sex, relationships and love, is also sketchy to begin with? How can we possibly expect to know if this person – we’re choosing to have sex with – is likely to make a good parent or not? How do we know if we’re going – quite literally – to be left holding the baby?

There is a golden rule that must be imparted to all young people: Only once you’re able to take full responsibility for yourself, should you have children. It’s obvious and yet it would seem the obvious escapes the minds of many young people. It’s no wonder the expression ‘snowflake generation’ has come about. What with their overblown sense of entitlement and lackadaisical attitude to life… blah, blah, blah.

You know what, none of this really matters, does it? The only thing that matters to the young is getting pissed, getting laid, and generally pissing everyone else off in the process. Or, to be more specific, it certainly is if you’re a young person, with no purpose, and no direction in life.

As a young man I might have been a fucking idiot but at least I was an idiot with a purpose: to empower another person. The person I loved. Without that drive I was nothing. I tried it once and my whole world fell apart. We all need someone to love; someone to empower. Without it we’re nothing.

Those might sound like dramatic words and yet there is a truth within them. In fact they might only be my beliefs, however, the point to pick up on here, is the purpose and direction they teach.

“When our young have no purpose and direction they are ships lost at sea with no sails, rudder, or engine. They are adrift and lost to us all”

The thing is, it’s not actually difficult to instill passion and purpose into a child’s mind. When you look closely at all the healthy, and dare I say it, wealthy people  in the world, what they have, is passion. From snooker players and physicists, to footballers and musicians, passion is the key.

If you want to keep children out of gangs, out of trouble, with the potential to live a long, healthy and wealthy life, find them passion, and do it quickly. It’s very, very easy. All you need do is understand the empowerment of love.