Fathers

Fathers

As religious beliefs collapse fathers will need to take a stronger role

Through my personal experience and view of the world, I see that religion, has often acted as a paternal parent. From Jesus to the prophet Muhammad, all have been placed, as father figures. It could be said this is no bad thing. Guiding father figures are obviously something young boys need. The problem lies in the fact, that these father figures from the past, have grown not just old, but outdated too. The teachings of the past are barely relevant to modern day thinking now.

We all know the best and most loved parents and grandparents are those that are wise and also up to date.

The unfortunate reality, is that much of the ancient guidance from the likes of Buddha, Muhammad and Jesus, has lost its appeal. More than ever, boys need fathers that are not only wise and up to date, but also present and alive.

It’s my opinion, that the current troubles and unrest of the world, will increase before an equilibrium is found. This equilibrium – or peaceful state – will be achieved when fathers begin to guide and love their sons as the Prophets of the past intended.

These Prophets had humanities best interests at heart

They believed they were guided by a force higher than themselves. Modern life has questioned the validity of these beliefs, and as such, religion – unless if evolves very quickly – will continue to fade away into the past. As it does fade, proper parenting, from mature and responsible fathers, will need to take its place.

What does, and will always remain relevant to this day, is the human capacity to love

It has never been the responsibility of fictional gods, or the words of religious leaders for that matter, to care for our children. It’s absent, irresponsible fathers, that have made it so. Fathers must learn how to love their sons and daughters in ways that set us all free. Once we’re able to universally agree on love as a natural aspect of human nature – by removing the confusion, bigotry and hypocrisy, taught by the religious – peace will be within our grasp.

Its experience, constant questioning, and an objective point of view, that has taught me the relevance and accuracy of this definition:

‘Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness’ – CBP

Following this ethos is to remove the clutter and confusion created by corrupted minds. The Chinese whispers of time, and the corruptive nature of power hungry men, has sought to weaken a force that time itself can never alter. The power of love.

Love, when found in its purest form, is beyond time and space. Find this, and peace is something you discover, from within yourself. Within, is the place where it all, begins.

Turn to Love

Turn to Love

The Children

There’s no denying fear is a very powerful force. Look at what’s happening in the world right now. Political games, war games, attempted murder, cold blooded murder, terrorism, and everything inbetween. The ability to separate ourselves from all this nonsense is a little like watching a board game from above. When there’s no fear within ourselves, we’re able to see the power games, being played out.

For it’s fear that drives the need for power

When we look at people through the eyes of mature love we’re able to do something very powerful. We’re able to see little boys and girls fighting for supremacy in the playground. These previously hidden children, we’re now clearly able to see, could be anybody. They might even be world leaders.

Losing the child within

It’s only possible to lose the child within, when the adults we must become, take control. Is it an adult who commits murder or is it the frightened child within? A true adult would never take a life. He would value his self too greatly. So what of the world leaders who sanction wars and assassinations? Are they frightened children too? Of course they are. The peaceful loving leaders are the adults. They seem quite thin on the ground right now.

Turning to Love

It could be said, that in order to turn to love, we need to be grown first. It could be said, that in order for a world leader to lose his fear and turn to love instead, he’d need to have been shown what it is to be grown. There is truth in that, however, I believe it’s a choice. He or she either continues to behave in an egotistical fearful manner, that belongs in childhood, or he turns to love. It is possible to find out what love is, and what its true power is, through research.

This information is available. So why don’t these world leaders look it up and set their people free? It’s potentially because they’ve become intoxicated by there own lust for power. A lust for control that’s become so powerful. Powerful, because it diminishes their fear. It diminishes their loneliness.

‘The reality of loneliness is a dislike of the self’ – CBP

The power of love helps us to accept some fundamental truths, like this one:

‘We are all alone, because it’s impossible for any other person to be part of our mind, body or soul. No-one will ever share the same thoughts, feelings or belief systems, in exactly the same way as another, this, is to be alone’ – CBP

Many frightened and controlling people are simply seeking to avoid this truth. They’re trying to cure the pain of their loneliness with power over others. Their power to instill fear in others diminishes their own. It’s only those who fully understand the implications of our aloneness that understand the power of love. They fully understand the need for love.

It’s love of ourselves that cures our loneliness

Nothing else will do

We need some leaders who get this. We need some leaders who can help us grow. Mature love supersedes fear every, single, time. Turn to love and the fear melts away.

A Determination to Make Life Easier

Determination

The way in which we make life harder for ourselves is extraordinary. From my own experiences I know this to be the case. We seek happiness and fulfilment, and this is often at great cost, to our peace of mind. At great cost, because instead of a calm, level-headed approach to our goals, we create turmoil through doing things that are in direct opposition to this. We go for a run and then sit down with a pint of beer. We spend a fortune with our therapist, mentor or coach, and then return home to our horribly unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it’s not the seeking happiness and fulfilment that’s the issue, it’s doing those things that upset our direction and purpose, that is.

Driven

We’re understandably driven to achieve great things and yet do so much that’s directly opposed to this. We’re often very determined to make some positive changes in our lives, but so many of us easily drift back into old, self-destructive patterns. Through this, we’re actually making life harder for ourselves. We know it on one level, yet can’t seem to stop ourselves from carrying out our little methods, for self-destruction. We could all make life so much easier for ourselves by understanding why and how we do this.

Conflict

For example, think of the determination we humans often show in turning our lives around by becoming fit and well. Now think of the determination we demonstrate at achieving its opposite. We seem to require a reward for our hard work that’s ‘other’ than the goal we’re actually striving for. 

You’ve been for a run (or whatever) and the rewards must be the feelings associated with this alone. Not the slice of cake or pint of beer! Confusingly, perhaps we’re drawn into creating toxic relationships. Why, when we’re working so hard to love ourselves, are we pulled towards cruel and unkind people? We seem to actively go out of our way to bring cruel and destructive people into our lives. How? Why? By focusing our minds we’re able to recognise the how and why.

Determination

Two Steps Forward

Eating that slice of cake or drinking that pint of beer is of course pleasurable, however, the next time we go for a run we’re having to fight those added few pounds. We’re having to work harder through the belief we need the sugary rewards. We’re having to fight the poison of alcohol.

Much of this reward system harks back to childhood, so we must look to put away, those things of childhood. When we do, life becomes easier. We need the abusers in our life because they potentially represent our true feelings of self-worth. In order to love ourselves fully, we must rid ourselves of the abusers, only then can we truly learn to love. It may seem hard to extinguish these people from our lives, yet we must recognise how they’re perpetuating, the problem. 

Determination

Yes, be determined, and make sure your determination is directed and focused. Have goals, seek fulfilment, and more of the love life has to offer. Most importantly, notice the internal battles. Two steps forward, followed by one step back, can be extremely frustrating, and in the long term, it’s detrimental to our health. Notice the methods used for this. Remove the unnecessary rewards system and the abusers from your life. Make it easier. Grow.

Stop Asking: “Am I Happy?” and Start Asking: “Am I Fulfilled?”

Fulfilment

So says the philosophy

It’s interesting isn’t it? Can we be happy and not fulfilled? I think the fairly obvious answer is yes. We can of course be happy in our everyday activities. In fact, if we follow certain philosophies, we can be happy every moment of everyday, simply by being in the now moment. Doing everything mindfully, be it washing up to playing with the kids, if we do these things with our full attention, we can be happy. So says the philosophy.

What concerns me though, is how following this philosophy – and only asking if we’re presently happy – we might actually be missing something fundamental: Our deeper purpose.

From a personal perspective I’m the sort of person who can be very happy with routine. Breaking routine is something I often find difficult. It’s the predictability of routine that creates a kind of safety net. I’m not on my own with this. And so for myself and most others, it is important we open things up, by asking that second question in my title: ‘Am I fulfilled?’

“By asking this question we’re creating a void”

As you might know, the mind abhors a vacuum, and will always seek to fill it. We can use this principle in a constructive way when we understand it. As with asking the secondary question [Am I fulfilled?] we can also use it to help with the more mundane. Consider when we can’t remember someone’s name, or some other detail, and as soon as we consciously lose the search in our memories, our unconscious provides the answer. A name, or whatever it might be we’re searching for (keys, purse or wallet,) the answer just pops into our awareness. Magic.

So, even though we can be happy in the present moment now, be cautious with this, and always ask the secondary question: Am I fulfilled?

Happiness is a belief

Our beliefs in happiness will always be subjective. We believe we’re happy, but are we? In this moment now we are, and compared to someone who’s currently experiencing difficulties, we might also be. However, what about the happiness experienced by people who’re fulfilled?

Fulfilment

It could be that in order to feel fulfilled you’d need a family around you. You might not currently have this and as such seek it. Perhaps fulfilment for you would be finally reaching that metaphorical mountain top. Without seeking this fulfilment – be it in your career or some other goal – we might just wander aimlessly not really experiencing the full range of our emotions and potential experiences. If we’re not cautious, we can become trapped in moving from one moment to the next (believing we’re happy,) without actually achieving the greatness, we’re capable of.

We all have a valuable and useful legacy to leave behind. Ask your question now and consider how a Personal Development Workshop can help you find fulfilment.    

Be Yourself By Design

Ownership

The Wonder of It All

Sometimes I sit and ponder about the wonder of it all: the fact that I’m alive and conscious at this moment in history; at this moment in time. Just pondering on consciousness can while away hours. And how about our place in the universe? What about planet earth? A spinning globe sitting near a star we call the sun. A solar system on the arm of an indistinct galaxy. Itself a cluster of millions of stars that sits amongst billions of other galaxies, each with millions, if not billions of stars of their own. All of it moving; travelling; expanding and changing. How lucky we are.

Other times I realise the importance of not pondering too much and simply getting on with it. The importance of doing. Understanding the significance of our good fortune though, does make being here, a little more important.

When becoming involved with Personal Development it won’t take long for you to come across the expression ‘own yourself.’ I think the concept works well enough, especially if you’re a survivor, from a difficult past. A past where the adults around you took ownership of you through emotional and/or physical abuse. Amongst many other things, the effects of abuse, can be a detachment from the self. A sleepy lack of awareness. There can be a lack of identity or an inability to form a clear sense of direction. This is where design comes into play.

“The alternative to design is an aimless drift through life just following instinctive, unconscious drivings, or conditioning”

A man I know, who suffers from poor health, raised a flag for me today. He’s an overweight diabetic in his fifties. Circulation problems are the cause of his bad feet. His bad teeth are hardly worth a mention. With all these problems he continues to smoke, eat junk food (hence suffering with painful hemorrhoids,) and he drinks to excess. There’s no plan or design to his life, in fact, to me, it would seem his plan, is to die before his time. And to not die well either. He spoke to me this morning about having just returned from a holiday:

‘How was it?’ I enquired,

“It was alright I suppose, got pissed a lot, it was all inclusive.”

So much for sightseeing. But then again he can’t walk too far.

Tipping Point

I think about the tipping point. At what point did he decide to not do anything about his health? To me, it seems as if this individual, has decided to not change. That he’s decided the road he’s on has no turn offs or crossroads. What would it take for this lonely, unhealthy man, to wake up and make a plan to survive? Would a fascination, a curiosity for his good fortune, do the trick? Perhaps an appreciation of life? Is it ownership he needs?

“It can never be understated how important a design for life is”

If he’d made a plan to live well from an early age, are we able to imagine life working out differently, for unhealthy man? He’d probably tell you he did make a plan: “but it all went wrong!” Eldest son on drugs, ex-wife that hates him, crap job, very little money, no future. Even so, it’s never too late and I feel that if he took ownership, not just of himself, but of the good fortune life has offered him, he might live a little longer.

He could find the motivation to change. As far as the plan he might have made when young is concerned, well, it can go wrong if we don’t own ourselves to begin with. If we don’t own our mind.

Ownership

Owning ourself (our mind) can only happen once we know ourselves. If we have very little knowledge of the alternative, unconscious design, our minds may hold for us, it can be a little like trying to train a puppy, whilst he has greater interest in a juicy bone.

A real and tangible understanding of our mind, along with the effects non-ownership can have – and the role of others in this regard – empowers us to take charge.

Ownership

Design  

Sometimes there’s a need to design exactly who we want to be before we’re able to take ownership. Let’s face it, we’re more inclined to desire ownership of something that’s been lovingly designed, are we not? When we’re fully in control, of who draws the plans for this design, ownership becomes an easy consequence. Take charge, make a plan for 2019 that includes Personal Development. You can find your application form here

Simple Solutions

Solution

The Simplest Solution is The Most Likely to be True

A man goes to a doctors surgery complaining about a rash on his face. The first doctor diagnoses rosacea and prescribes antibiotics. After the drugs course has been completed the man returns to the surgery reporting no change. A second doctor now gives his opinion and diagnoses seborrheic dermatitis and prescribes gentle use of Nizoral shampoo on the face and head. Over a period of months the skin condition persists and never fully clears up. Eventually, the patient gives up on chemical treatments, and starts a regime of washing his face twice a day with soap and water. Within two weeks his skin condition has completely cleared.

At no point did anyone ask the patient how often he washes. The simplest solution is the most likely to be true.

We’re Often Taught to Seek Complicated Time Consuming Solutions

Venturing down rabbit holes and navigating complicated mazes might seem more interesting, and yet in the long term, it wastes time and energy. When we instantly jump to the cleverest, most costly, or most common solution, paradoxically, we might miss a beautiful truth, that saves time and resources. Over and over again it’s been proven that the simplest solution is always the best. Even though this is the case, we so easily allow this understanding, to give us the slip.

Over complicate

It is an unfortunate aspect of human nature that we over complicate and intellectualise things. This is a game of one-upmanship that has a lot to do with the ego’s need to boost itself. “Look at how complicated you are and confused you’ve become. Oh how clever it makes me look!” The thing is, simple is the true smart, and as such, it’s often the hardest to find.

Finding Simple

In order to efficiently find the easiest solutions we must change our thinking. We need to bring our thinking down a level. For example, it’s so easy to assume, that the emotional problems we inevitably encounter in life, are likely to have complicated causes. Problems never start off complicated. Every problem has a simple root cause.

Even though it’s us that’s creating our problems in the first place, we’re being conditioned to think, that they’re out of our personal control. Many professionals are overly keen to take our responsibilities out of our hands.

All we need do is understand the principle – of the root cause always being simple – and we take back our power

Once again we have an unfortunate aspect of human nature to blame. We each lust for power – relevant to the individual – and gaining power over each other, is one of our most treasured, and popular games. We obviously feel the need to place others in positions of power, and even though we seek to safeguard ourselves against their lust, these safeguards often fail us. Potentially the simple solution is to look within.

Solution

Looking Within

When we look within we’re asking our inner voice to guide us. We’re asking for the solution to be presented to us in it’s simplest form. For example, when we seek the solution from within (our inner voice) to any kind of unrest – be this self-harm or violence in our societies and prisons – we take back the responsibilities previously handed on to those in power. When we all take responsibility, we simplify the solution, and cure the problem.

Solution

Listen

With the above examples – be it face washing, self-harming or prison violence – the simple answer, is they’re all as a consequence, of neglect. Whether it’s visiting doctors, cutting arms or smashing prison cells, all are a call for attention. That attention is called love. This is the simple solution we’re all so willing to ignore; we’re neglecting ourselves; our inner voice. Stop the neglect. Be quiet. Ask your inner voice and listen. Love Yourself.

 

Tao Wisdom

Night/Day Tao Wisdom

Here’s a quote from ancient Tao wisdom:

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know. Close your mouth, block off your senses, blunt your sharpness, untie your knots, soften your glare, settle your dust. This is the primal identity. Be like the Tao. It can’t be approached or withdrawn from, benefited or harmed, honoured or brought into disgrace. It gives itself up continually. That is why it endures.” – Lao Tzu

Now initially, and to put it in descriptive, layman’s terms, I though this was utter bollocks! However, I have since given this some thought, and now realise it is in fact very clever, very clever indeed, and I’ll tell you why.

“It’s recently come to my understanding, that the only true way to influence people, is through example. It’s not what you say; it’s not what you write, it’s all about what you do.”

Tao Wisdom

What you do and how you act will ultimately be reflected on the inside. In other words, how you behave toward others, becomes your internal reality, as the behaviour of others, becomes a direct reflection of you.

Treat people unkindly and they will seemingly return this behaviour. This also works in the opposite direction. In other words, if your mind is full of conflict, confusion, anger and bitterness, ultimately, you will become an angry and bitter individual on the outside also.

And so with this in mind, let’s say you adopted the attitude of the Tao and simply pretended to be a calm, well adjusted individual. Would this mean that in time you’d become that very person? Well, you would if you knew how to ‘act’ in a calm and well adjusted, manner.

This is where the living by example comes into play. Living by example means you need not say anything, write anything or indeed strive for anything, other than what you are at root: a calm, loving and well adjusted individual.

Tao Wisdom

Believe it or not that is exactly what you are. The keywords used here are: “at root.” When we get to the root of who we are, we’ve cracked it, and the way to do this is to follow someone who sows this example. Simple.

“In actual fact, this is the true power of counselling and mentoring. The counselling-mentor need not tell you anything of themselves or advise you in any way whatsoever.”

Quite simply, the age old questions such as: “and how does that make you feel?” Or “what do you imagine would be the best solution?” are a cleverness we often overlook.

However infuriating it might seem, when the counselling-mentor simply reflects back your thoughts and words, so as to act as a sounding board, they’re following (albeit unknowingly) the ‘way of the Tao.’

Time, they say, is a great healer, and when it comes to the time it might take to discover peace of mind, and therefore understand what truly matters in life, through following simple example… well… what can I say? It could take a lifetime. Perhaps the real secret, is to have more than one. Who knows.

Life & Tao Wisdom

All in all, if you’ve been shown good example through your childhood or early adulthood, from those you love, it makes you a very lucky and fortunate individual indeed. If not, find someone whom you believe to have a beautiful life, and study how and what they do; follow their example.

You may think wealth, and all it brings, is the way to a beautiful life. You might have some people in mind you could model yourself on. If so, good luck. It’s my belief though, that it really doesn’t have much to do with money at all, it’s more about love. I see – we all see – that money is important, and we also see the importance of love.

Tao Wisdom

And so to break the rules of the Tao for a moment, I will share this small piece of wisdom with you, if I may:

“Love and money are a little like oil and water, they simply don’t mix. So, if you want a beautiful life, find some people to model yourself on, who have plenty of that magic ingredient called love, in theirs.” א 

When Your Best is Enough

Given Your Best

“How many of us reach a point where we know, with absolute certainty, that we’ve given our best and it’s good enough?”

The subject of doubt and uncertainty touched on here, directly opposes the feelings associated with knowing – without any doubt whatsoever – that we’ve done the best we can. The best we can with the skills and resources we have available.

We could now ask: if we had greater skill and resources could we do better? It’s certainly the case, at the very least, we would do things slightly differently given greater skills and resources, but does this amount to better?

“There must come a point when we see the product of our labour as being just what it is: enough”

Does a painter keep returning to their masterpiece over and over again? They may look to refine certain areas of their work; we know the masters of the past often repainted areas, in an attempt to improve matters, and yet there must be a point, even with works of art, where enough is enough.

“How do we reach this point of certainty? How do we actually manage to make the decision that something we’ve created is good enough?”

If we continue to question our work we eventually fail. What would happen if a surgeon became unsure, kept their patient anaesthetised, and went back to the wound again and again? Obviously, just as the disease did in the first place, the operation would begin to endanger the life of the subject. We must stop, and if the patient still doesn’t make it, we must be certain that we did our best or suffer ourselves.

Best Resources

So once again, how do we reach this crucial decision? Well, based on our area of expertise, it comes down to expectations built on beliefs. What do we believe our best looks, sounds, and feels like?

Can we use the example of Vincent van Gogh? What expectation did he have before he started painting The Sunflowers? It could be that genius has a lot to do with having no expectations and beliefs of what best is. That there was no before, in his mind.

Genius or not, the decision to stop painting, is simply that: a decision. And that is based on the need to end one thing, and move on to another; the need for change, and the opportunity to do things differently, rather than better.

What will your next project be?

Be Gentle with Yourself

Real

Some days we feel like interacting with people. We feel like smiling, engaging and conversing. Others day’s, we don’t. So what?

As touched on in a previous post, accepting the negatives, and just going with the flow, establishes us as a real person. People see us as genuine and human when we can easily say: “you know what? Today I just don’t feel like talking much.”

Striving for perfection, constantly looking for that next mountain to climb, can make us seem a little too ‘much.’ We must get real and acknowledge that shit does happen. In fact, the more we’re able to say and accept this, the sooner we move on from it. It’s the trying too hard, to be constantly upbeat and positive about life, that makes us seem a little contrived and false. Being a real human being makes us more acceptable to those around us. We ALL have off days.

It is okay to be imperfect.

Be imperfectly perfect.

You might not feel like exercising today; you might even feel like having a day where you eat and drink, doing everything and anything you want. This might include sitting on the sofa eating cake, and if it does, do it. Be free. You’re human and there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Some days it’s good to yield, and let go. Accept that you’re okay and give yourself a little breathing space. Today there is nothing wrong with feeling wrong. Wholeness, hasn’t anything to do with perfection or correctness, it has everything to do with the acceptance of you.

The Lack of Conversation

Conversation

Cut Through the Charade

We humans have devised many games. From card games and scrabble to those played out on the world stage, all thought up, as a means of entertaining the human mind. Our games are useful in many ways: entertainment and honing healthy competitive spirit, make just two examples.

“It could be said that the majority of human interaction is a form of gameplay”

We could take the average conversation between two men as example. A conversation might start off harmless enough but then easily develop into an ego driven pissing contest. Who’s got the biggest house, prettiest wife, most powerful, biggest means of transport, most money, best job etc., is quite often the theme of idle ‘chat’ between men. Gameplay.

This is exactly what could have happened to me last night if I’d of allowed it. A gentle hello could very easily have turned into a ‘who’s got the biggest cock’ contest. However, if you’ve no need or desire to get your cock out and start measuring, this sort of conversation is very easily cut short. Ego driven gameplay is often at the root of most conversations between homo sapiens (Latin: wise men).

“Ego driven conversation is often awkward and stilted – and mostly one way – especially when one of the participants is seeking to build self-esteem at the cost of another”

Most people are only talking to themselves and have very little interest in what you have to say. It often takes a lot of skill and determination to remain silent and allow ego driven gameplay to fizzle out. Eventually, everybody tires of talking to themselves. In fact, it’s only when we take a real interest in what someone has to say, does it stop being a game. 

“Surly it would be easier to get your cocks out and have a good look”

One other strategy would be to repeat back the very words someones using. Obviously not verbatim, but now and again, cleverly adding different inflection to their words. You could probably do this for some time until the dullard realises you’re taking the piss. Be warned though, they might get very angry and frustrated at your cruelty, bad manners, and offensive attitude.

A Beautiful Conversation

This type of conversation is rare, very rare indeed. It’s where there’s a common interest or theme and each person has a deep respect and appreciation for the opinions, passions and beliefs, of the other. It happens when your’re listening and being listened to.

If you’d like to learn and experience this kind of conversation you will need to meet us in person. You can find your application form here. I’m listening.

The Importance of Happiness – A Stoic Mindset

The Importance of Happiness - A Stoic Mindset

During the course of life there are times when we might wonder why it can seem so cruel. The trials and tribulations we all go through can be very testing indeed. We read about the troubles of individuals, whole communities or society as a whole, and we wonder. We wonder why. Even so, dwelling on the negative is obviously best avoided, yet if we’re to live life to its fullest, we will never fully escape its harsh realities.

“Starting on a negative just then enables me to enforce the importance of its opposite: positivity. With positivity, comes happiness”

When reminded of the trials of life, it is possible to instantly neutralise the negative effects, this can have on us. We do this through switching over to a more stoic mindset.

A stoic mindset dictates that we must look to ensure our emotions don’t become the ruling influence in our lives. If we’re to be fully alive we must look to build self-control, fortitude, and a calm acceptance that life will inevitably have its trials. Although this is the case, self-control, is never gained through denial of the belief life can be cruel, but only through acceptance there will always be both negatives and positives, within it. Life and death, kindness and cruelty, will always coexist. It’s how it works here, and once we’re in a place of acceptance, it becomes a very powerful stoic approach.

In my mind, this goes some way to explaining why people who look to deny, or effect indifference to the negatives of life, don’t seem very genuine. They seem contrived, insincere and false. It’s almost as if life for them, is just one great big positive and funny film, they’re just playing a part in. The problem is, denial of life’s true nature, makes us very bad actors. Worse still, we might end up only ever being an observer of this film of life, and never fully engaging with it.

“A dull axe will do a poor job of chopping firewood, as will a dulled mind make of lighting the fires, of life”

We better fuel the fires of life when we recognise how fear smothers it. We dull our minds through seeking to avoid the harsh realities of life. This may be with drink and other drugs, or through denial, indifference or manipulative mind games played with others. In this respect, the stoic also recognises the importance of living a virtuous life; to which happiness, is intrinsically linked.

“A genuine appreciation and acceptance of life’s ups and downs, makes it, and us, more real”

So there we have it. Even though life can seem cruel and unkind, once we stoically accept it’s true nature, happiness is experienced through understanding how life must be fully lived without fear.

Ripples

Ripples and Purpose

A Beautiful Purpose

How many of us give our purpose in life a clear definition? Like the majority, we might just drift along, not really giving purpose any real thought at all. What kind of answers do we find when we ask ourselves: Do I have a purpose in life and is this something that could be easily described as beautiful?

The vast majority of us do have a tendency to follow some simple rules when it comes to purpose. At its base level, we might only want to avoid pain, and then seek out pleasure. Seeking happiness, and not thinking about too much else, means we will of course follow the majority in respect of many things. We’ll follow an established pattern that society dictates as normal or average. We’ll lead a life that pursues societies model for happiness.

Ripples and Purpose

Surly this pursuit is all fair and reasonable? Of course it is, however we must remember, the established model society has for happiness, doesn’t work for all. In fact we could say the model’s failing. The evidence – for this admittedly slightly negative outlook – is all around us. Look at the ever increasing amount of violence in our societies. Look at the rise in mental illness. Let’s look at suicide rates, self-harm, depression, drug use et cetera; but then again, let’s not hey?

“And so giving ourselves clear purpose must go some way to improving our lot in life. Aimlessly drifting, following the crowd, is for the majority”

In adolescence – during that time when we’re entering the world for real – our motivations will naturally be very self-centered. As time goes on, we become less so, and more concerned for the better good of those around us. This is especially prevalent once our thoughts move toward settling down to start a family. With this development in mind, what is suggested by many wise teachings, is that we begin – the more altruistic kind of thinking that age can bring – at a much earlier stage in life. And not just for those in our immediate vicinity.

“Having purpose in life, that involves improving the wellbeing of everyone, is beautiful on several levels”

It stands to reason, that moving our minds into a more altruistic way of thinking, is beneficial for others. What is often neglected, or overlooked by the young, is that the benefits to altruism always become a two way arrangement. We only have something once we’ve given it away.

With the alternative to altruism being self-centered drivings, the end result, can often be loneliness. We humans must never forget we’re a social animal at heart. Losing sight of the need to grow out of childish self-centeredness, could well be at the root, to many of our current problems.

Ripples and Purpose

It often takes time to fully realise the benefits to clearly defining our purpose. We can ask ourselves the question: What is my purpose for today? Or we can start each day giving ourselves the purpose of creating positive ripples. We do this by seeking to influence everyone we meet in a positive way. Think of how setting good example, teaches love of the self, and how infectious this can be. How would you set out to do this today?

We know how we do it. Contact Us if you’d like to learn more about creating positive ripples of love.

One-upmanship

For the Love of You

“Gamesmanship skills are important if we’re to make it through life in an easy and comfortable way. Understand the games of others better.”

Gamesmanship and mirrors
Gamesmanship and mirrors

You meet someone for the first time and you think: ‘Um…. not sure I like this person.’ They may seem a little conceited or arrogant or sanctimonious, or whatever. So you decide to not bother getting to know them any better and move on.

Or how about you meet someone for the first time and they come across as a lovely warm and kind person. You decide: ‘Yum… I’d like to get to know this person better,’ so you stick around.

“For the curious though, wondering what it is that makes these impressions so powerful, is an interesting way to move forward and know ourselves better.”

Put in its most basic terms – and so that we may take out any potential conundrum or confusion – all that we see, within those around us, exists within us.

Put another way, each and every person is simply a mirror of ourselves. This understanding is an extremely effective way of coming to terms with a deeper self. A deeper self the ego would prefer we didn’t see, and would prefer to protects us from (just one of the reasons why you may be dismissing what I’m currently saying).

When we know ourselves better we’re closer to becoming a whole human being, and once this is achieved, the improved comfort and ease with which we view others, helps us to lead more flowing, less stressful lives. An aspect of stress, is created when we’re less comfortable with ourselves and less at ease due to a self that harbours conflict and confusion.

blackboard5

“There’s no doubt, the world would be a much more comfortable and happier place, if we all knew ourselves better.”

Along with the understanding just given, one other thing that would make our world and your internal state more harmonious, would be to gain an explicit understanding of a game called… one-upmanship.

The way of us humans is to be in charge of each other, on one level or another, all of the time. This is particularly the case with those who lack an understanding of the self. This lack can tend to lead to less control over themselves, and those who lack control over themselves, seek control over others.

To a greater or lesser degree we all play the game of one-upmanship. Whether it be the disabled individual barging his way through crowds on pavements with his new invalid carriage. Or whether it be the individual who has achieved high status academically, both, are playing the game of one-upmanship. The game of ‘I’m better than you.’

Incidentally, there is one school of thought that suggests the disability – that put our friend in the invalid carriage to begin with – was actually gained in order to be (in their eyes) better equipped to win the game! And so what of our high achievers?

“Just how desperate are we to win this game? A game that can be particularly tricky to play as the methods employed can be very, very subtle indeed.”

Of course, the easiest way to rise above any game, is to not play it in the first place. However, knowing the rules – of the one-upmanship game – could be considered a necessary part of life if we’re to be successful, happy and prosperous.

Simply acknowledging the existence of the game, and how we may be playing it, is fundamental if we’re to advance. A prime example would be the following:

If you’re going to meet someone, be it in business or in your personal life, be on time. Poor timekeeping is part of the game, and if we’re meeting someone, who fully understands this, you’ll be creating stress and disharmony, before you’ve even started.

And so there we are, love of you, is love for everyone. This may sound a little ambitious and idealistic, yet ultimately, if we all knew our own minds and bodies better, a more harmonious world it would be.

Personalised Without Credit

Personalise

“When you don’t believe in credit nothings new and all you own has lost its hue”

I spent the majority of yesterday doing one of the things I love: motorcycle maintenance, oh yes. Now, those of you who instantly thought, this is going to be a man thing, bear with me, because it does concern us all. I’m going to talk about how to personalise.

Because I no longer believe in credit, everything I own has a certain age to it. I buy second, third or even fifth hand, and my motorcycle, now at the tender age of twenty seven, has had a few careful and not so careful owners. As you can see from the picture though, it is something I value and have spent time working on. More than anything, spending time on something, enables me to personalise it.

Take yesterday for example

Yesterday I overhauled the front brakes – replacing worn master cylinder parts – and realised it was a job that should have been done a long time ago. In fact when I bought the bike, the guy who sold it to me said: “yeah all the fluids have been changed mate” suffice to say, he was a lying turd. What’s really worrying is he’s a dealer! Tut tut. Anyway, now having done a major overhaul, I’m more confident than ever, that I can stop a quarter of a ton of motorcycle (travelling at high velocity) as quickly as I might need to. In other words I’ve personalised it.

It works in the same way when you decorate a house you’ve just bought or vacuum the snot, hair and bits of dead skin, out of a used car. By cleaning and/or decorating you get rid of the past.

Tattoos

What I’ve come to wonder about tattoos, is this: are they a way of taking ownership and personalising the body? Are the tattooed saying: this is mine now and I’m going to get rid of the past and personalise it. Did it not belong to them in the first place? I don’t know about you, but my body has always felt like mine. Although, how I look after it nowadays, is reflected in how I look after my possessions: well. It stands to reason, if you neglect things, tattooed or not, they’re going to let you down before their time.

The analogy goes on by mentioning that we mustn’t leave this kind of thing [caring for ourselves] to others. After all, others might be lying turds, and when we expect them to care for us, they can tend to take possession.

Others may have owned us, our houses, cars, and indeed motorcycles before, however, taking ownership and personalising things, does have its power. It sheds a new light on tattoos for me, that’s for sure. I might get one!

Credit

It’s true to say, when you don’t believe in credit, some of the things you own may not be shiny-new and may have lost a little of their lustre. The thing to remember though is this: when you’re free of debt, you’re no longer anyone’s slave. Yes you do need to learn patience, and potentially a little motorcycle maintenance, however, once you’ve personalised something, only then, do you truly own it.

If you’d like to personalise, and truly own your mind through better understanding it, Contact Us.

It Just isn’t Tennis – Change Your Mindset

Change Your Mindset

It’s said the best things in life are free. It’s considered that these free things are family and friends. But what if family and friends have no or little value for life?

The best things in life will never be free. Life is best when lived in freedom. For the majority in this world, at this time, freedom needs to be worked at.

Stabbings

I once met a mother who told me how her young son had stabbed his teddy bear because he couldn’t get what he wanted. Such an angry child.

A young man’s opinion, on why since 2014, incidents of stabbings have doubled in parts of the UK: “the kids don’t value their lives enough.”

Some of these young men never had teddy bears. It could be, that feeling there’s so little to live for, lacking value for life, violence isn’t seen as something to distance themselves from. If anything they’re drawn to it. Or are they just stabbing each other (their teddy bears) to get noticed? Self-loathing borne from the frustration of not knowing how to be grown. Fatherless child. 

Tennis

“And just this morning, we hear of an incident, where an umpire in a game of tennis, took it upon himself, to change the mindset of a troublesome player”

The player in question then went on to win the game, claiming this had nothing to do with the umpires, intervention. He did of course need to state this because in tennis, receiving any kind of coaching during a game, is forbidden. He received encouragement from the umpire, and as such, the rules were broken. Cheats are everywhere; behaving like a child.

“Here’s the thing. The young man, giving his opinion on stabbings, isn’t playing a game of tennis, no, he and his peers, are playing the game of life. Coaching during this game is permitted”

There are numerous examples of intervention causing change. When we successfully alter someones mindset, we help them win the game. Even though this is permissible in the game of life, the available assistance, is often ignored or dismissed.

On the radar

Many people are unaware of how to find the kind of training that can alter their mindset. To add to this, even those who have training presented to them, dismiss it for varying reasons. Once a certain mindset becomes predominant it can be challenging to change. For example, if we don’t value our lives, we’ll not actually be seeking change to begin with. Some are lost with no way out in sight. 

Change Your Mindset
Time to dump the teddy bear?

We are an organisation set on helping people win the game of life. The rules we work from dictate that we mustn’t place ourselves high in an umpires chair. What we must do though, is simply present to you, the options for change.

If you’re a seeker prepared to dump the teddy bear of childhood, with a desire to win, you can find your application form here.

Someone to Look After You

Become a God Yourself

“Those of a religious persuasion are comforted in the knowledge there’s someone out there looking after them”

That there is a God, a higher force; an authority making decision and changing things for them. They believe they’re a product of this God, designed and put here, to do His bidding. For the religious, there is someone or something looking after them.

It doesn’t matter what hardships befalls the religious either because these things have been sent as a test. A means for them to prove themselves worthy of His approval; to be welcomed into his loving arms at a later time. Very reassuring and comforting I’m sure.

My own birth mother was a very religious woman. I understand the need she had for her beliefs and I also understand their consequences. She would wrap herself and those around her in a controlling blanket of guilt. So encapsulating was this guilt, it stifled and crippled us all. My total rejection of her faith, and my family in general, was the result of needing to free myself of a crippling past.

“Before she died my mother sent me an email with a video attachment”

No words, no subject, just the attachment. The video clip was one of those ‘guaranteed-easy-get-rich’ schemes. It went on for ages telling me how rich I’d get by following their ‘remarkable’ trading system. No actual information, just a sales pitch: images of a rich man going about his business getting out of large cars and into private jets. After ten minutes of this tawdry twaddle I switched it off. In my mind there’s no such thing as ‘easy get rich.’ Unless you win the lottery that is, but where’s the fun in that?

“Anyway, having thought about things, I understand why my mother sent it”

It was so strange. After having little or no contact with my family for over ten years, I receive a video, telling me how to get rich. As mentioned earlier, I fully understand the beliefs my mother held, and so now realise the get rich video was sent as a means of ensuring we never meet in heaven. She was sincerely hoping I did get rich. For a rich man can never enter the gates of heaven.

And Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  

On reflection, and knowing what she believed, it would stand as a vile and cruel thing to send someone who held the same beliefs. A kind of curse if you will. It’s fortunate that my beliefs are a little more practical. Besides, if you’d like to follow what Jesus said, all you need do, is become a God yourself. Plenty have. “With God all things are possible.”

“You see, I don’t believe in heaven existing anywhere else, other than the here and now”

In fact, whilst being very much alive, it’s possible for anyone to experience heaven. All you need do is sit on a cushion, legs crossed, eyes mostly closed, mouth slightly open with your tongue tucked neatly behind your two front teeth. Now all you need is to quieten your mind by gently focusing on your breathing. Heaven is experienced when you’re truly in the now moment, with no cares, no worries, no expectations, no awareness of the past or the future, just now, just breathe. Now is all that matters. There is heaven.

Become a God Yourself

When I think of the religious; such lonely people, it makes me a little sad. Often when I think of the billions crying out for someone to look after them, a small, salty tear, rolls down my cheek. Their abject refusal to grow up and take care of themselves, and stop wondering about who might do this for them, is staggering in its blind temerity.

“Thankfully there are billions of other people who know the truth of their situation”

The majority understand: If they don’t take charge and responsibility for themselves, some other humanwill look to do this for them. For those in the know, that prospect, is hell on earth. Hell on earth is created when we stumble around leaving things to imaginary Gods. The chances are, if you wait long enough, something good will happen in your life. The religious will put this down to God. I put this down to mathematics.

Do the maths and help yourself get ahead with additional, practical, thinking tools. Become one of the Gods. You can apply using this form.

A Beautiful Ambition of Wholeness

Wholeness - You Guilty Dog

The reason for wanting a Beautiful Ambition of Wholeness is healthy-selfish. Healthy-selfish differs greatly to guilty-selfish. The latter is driven by the belief there is something wrong with looking out for number one. You must always come first.  

So healthy-selfish, is based on the need to improve one’s own quality of life. The overall effect of this, is we become great role models through our new ambition of wholeness (finding and knowing ourselves). The initial effect of our selfishness is we become healthier and happier. There can be nothing wrong with healthy-selfish.

Why does wholeness make us healthy and happy?

In answer to that question, seeking wholeness is the method we must employ to remove conflict. Conflict creates the kind of stress that creates illness and unhappiness. The easiest example we can find of this kind of conflict is that of unconscious guilt.

“Guilt that’s buried beneath the level of our awareness drives all kinds of issues. From damaging habits, to the confusion caused through our seeming powerlessness to change, unremoved guilt is the culprit”

When we carry guilt – and remain unaware as to what degree – we will often look to shed this through sharing it. We will look to find ways in which we can cause others to also feel guilty. We want them to feel the way we do. It’s a little like the school bully who’s hurting, and as such, needs others to share his pain.

In a sense, this sharing changes how we feel, alleviating pain and confusion. At least for a short time. We can think of self harm in this same light. Confusion, often caused by guilt, is alleviated through transforming this into the physical feelings of pain.

“There’s confusion, frustration and unresolved guilt, buzzing through my brain. When I cut myself I feel relieved”  

And so the alternative to cutting ourselves (this also might take the form of illness) is to relieve ourselves of stress through the healthy-selfish option of getting to know ourselves better.

We must of course think in these healthy-selfish terms, (putting me first is okay) so that we don’t jeopardise our endeavours through feeling bad about our new ambition, of wholeness. Guilty-selfish is a little like constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. Unless we remove the guilt buried beneath our awareness we’ll be trapped in this dilemma.

So how do I remove something I’m unaware of?

If your behaviour is in any way self destructive, this is the mind’s way, of making you aware. Thoughts of suicide are the extreme example of this. We can pin all manner of things on why we might feel this way, (relationship break up, money worries etc, etc.) yet ultimately, guilt (I’m a failure) is always the underlying factor. Through the magic of seeking wholeness – making this our ambition – guilt is seen for what it truly is.

Guilt is the inner self saying: ‘There is something wrong with me’

If we take the example of my need to guilt a sixteen year old (in an attempt to gain respect) all it did was cause aggravation and upset. If I’d said something like: “I understand why you’re behaving this way” the effect would have been more manageable. Instead of  our inner voice saying ‘there is something wrong with you’ far better we catch this habit and say I understand this as guilt; there is nothing wrong with me.’

“The reality is there can be nothing wrong with you, because whatever it is that’s happening right now, it’s only a lesson taking you closer to wholeness”

For example, without the experience I had with my sixteen year old work colleague, (if you haven’t already you will need to read at least part of this post) I’d not be writing this now, and I’d not be able to do things differently next time around. In other words, we need to get things wrong, in order to change our behaviour for the next time. If all we do is feel guilt, and never move forward from this, we’re buggered.

When hindsight enables me to think of my experience with the child in my last post, I do in fact know why, he behaves the way he does. It’s because of his belief that he’s a man (the adults around him require this because he has six younger brothers) that he sees me as an equal. My ego finds this offensive. My ego felt that my age in some way creates superiority. Reflection has taught me the error in my thinking. It doesn’t create superiority, yet I still believe, it demands respect. This is purely down to my belief older and wiser people deserve to be shown it.

A sixteen year old, who’s never been given good reason to respect an adult, and also believes he’s a man, will struggle with this. When I guilted him I inadvertently told him: “There’s something wrong with you.” There is something wrong, yet the problem doesn’t lie within him, it’s lies in a lack of relevant information.

Information is the key. The more we know, about the real reasons for why we do the things we do, the closer we come to wholeness: A Beautiful Ambition Indeed.

If you desire the kind of information, that sets you on the path of wholeness, you can find your application form here.

General enquiries to: info@freedmancollege.org

A Lesson In Maturity and Emotional Detachment

Maturity and Emotional Detachment

Just recently something very interesting came to my attention. It was all about my inability to recognise something in human behaviour through been hoodwinked by beliefs.

Imagine a sixteen year old who weighs eighteen stone and is six foot two tall. He looks like a man. Most of the time he acts like a man. He believes he is a man, and because of this, most, if not all of the adults around him, treat him as such. It wasn’t until I reacted to his disrespectful behaviour, and made the following statement, did things really kick off. I said:

“It confuses me how a child of sixteen can be so disrespectful to a man of my age.” BOOM!

To cut a long story short I pushed hard on a hot spot. I touched a nerve. The events that followed are what enlightened me to his true age and level of maturity*. Due to an appreciation of his true age and maturity my attitude to this child has now changed. I’ve removed my ignorance of his belief and treat him accordingly: With the respect and understanding deserved of a child. He must find this confusing.

More than anything, what came to light, was the emotional immaturity of self-preservation through self-centeredness. The self-centeredness of a child. The ability we all have to protect oneself through not caring about anything except the self. 

Immature Self-centeredness Gone Mad

Let’s take the catholic faith and its believers. We all know what’s come to light over recent years: The sexual abuse of children by priests and nuns. What surprises me, is how those who follow this faith, can still continue to do so. They know their faith attracts abusive, dysfunctional people, yet continue to believe. They’re inadvertently protecting abusers. Whilst the lives of countless people have been destroyed through the activities of those who represent the church, this institution, is allowed to carry on.

“On a level we’re beginning to accept, we know religion is stunting the development of mankind, yet allowing it to continue. We must ask why?”

In answer to that question, we could say this is down to the rights, of the individual. It’s our right to follow and believe what we choose. Even if these institutions are corrupt, immoral or just downright ridiculous in what they teach, it’s our right to follow them. It’s the individual’s right. So how do such people continue to believe? The answer must be through their need for self-preservation. Their beliefs are solely focused on the self, regardless of whether these beliefs are abusive to the rest of us, or not.

“The whole of religion is abusive when we think of it”

Abusive, because the continuance of antiquated beliefs, stunt the development of us all. It’s not dissimilar to keeping a child locked in a cage, never having the truth of father Christmas or the tooth fairy, revealed to them. All their lives the religious continue to believe the nonsense spouted by the delusional and abusive. Remember, through keeping us stunted within its antiquated belief systems, religion abuses us all. Religion assumes its beliefs are useful and correct for all. They are not. They are only correct and useful to those who believe them.

We’re being hoodwinked and we’re treating them in a way that assumes their beliefs are correct for everyone. It’s not dissimilar to treating a boy as if he were a man. In this respect are we not abusing them? It could be said that by keeping them stuck – through not outlawing the whole shebang – we’re actually abusing them! I say set them free and stop ALL the abuse. Should we not help the delusional rather than condone their beliefs? But then again, some delusional beliefs have their value, do they not? Perhaps only to those holding them though.

“It follows that all outdated beliefs that are no longer useful and productive keep us stunted”

We should, and potentially will in the coming years, use the example of religious beliefs to help explain their debilitating nature. When we hang on to antiquated beliefs, or have people placed in positions of authority do it for us, we will always be leading lives that are influenced by them.

“Beliefs that are placed through ignorance, romantic notion, fear, lies and sentimentality will always be unstable”

My understanding, that a certain individual respected me enough to protect our relationship, was shattered through the removal of my ignorance. The consequence of my enlightenment, to being hoodwinked by the beliefs of another, is now acting as protection. I’m fully able to detach myself emotionally from children who, through their immaturity, have no care whatsoever for the wellbeing of others outside their family unit.

Those who are able to empathise and respect us, do this, through having moved beyond childish self-centeredness. It will be necessary for you to seek these people out if you want them in your life. Many never move beyond the level of self-centeredness experienced by the mind of a sixteen year old. 

So to sum up, here is the lesson. If you want to get ahead in life, and not get dragged down through the immature illusions – and delusional beliefs – of others, remove your ignorance. Once you do this, emotional detachment is a breeze. Simple.  

If you’d like to know more about how to remove limiting beliefs, and then creatively install useful ones, you can find your application form here

General enquiries to info@freedmancollege.org

*It is actually a form of abuse to treat a child, as you would an adult, but that’s certainly the subject for another post.

Working Class Clever

Working Class Clever

There are numerous examples of working class clever. It’s the romantic rags to riches story. Be it comedians or businessmen, we’re able to hear or read all about desires for change. We’re often told stories of poverty and hardship. How suffering and pain in their past acted as the driving force behind their current success. We read about their need to escape the past.

“There are driving forces from the past, other than poverty and hardship, we can read about too”

It’s very useful to see cleverness as being something of a two tier arrangement. The first cleverness is recognition. We must be able to see something outside of the existence our upbringing taught us. Most of the working classes unfortunately remain ignorant to their potential. The second cleverness is the ability to seize that thing we’re good at and put it to work.   

“There will have been a seed planted that grew into ambition and passion”

At some stage in the history of our working class clever, there will have been  the kind of feedback, that enlightened them to their cleverness. I believe we all have this cleverness but just lack the necessary feedback. It’s the: “if it were good enough for me it’s good enough for him” mentality in childhood that scuppers us. It’s this limiting mentality – bounced off children by parents – that really does us in. They use it to justify their continued ignorance. Mothers and fathers are often blind to the potential of children.

“Without recognition and feedback it’s difficult to make headway”  

The solution to this lack in childhood is to seek it once we’re older. The working class man, who feels trapped into his situation, can always do something about it. What’s needed is someone to recognise his potential who then shows him how to change through example. What’s needed is self belief.

If we want to find example of working class clever – and the rags to riches story – we never have to look too far. And the thing is, if we look a little deeper at these examples, we will see the seed that was sown long ago. The seed of love.

In order to make headway, take some time to think about how to find this dormant seed, within yourself. It’s the essential ingredient that brings the working class clever to light. Often, all that’s needed, is to spend time in the company of people who believe in themselves.

Working Class Clever

You can find your application form here.

General enquiries to: info@freedmancollege.org