None of the scenarios he tested in his mind seemed to take. He was feeling restless and so wondered what he could do to fill his time. He could go walking or riding. He could fetch a DVD from the library and stay in (but knew choosing a film would be beyond him). He could make a random decision, and perhaps ridiculously, take up drawing or photography. There was always meditation or eating. He had money, he could go out shopping, but nothing seemed to fit.
The best word to describe his mood was ‘flat’ or perhaps he’d go as far as to say ‘melancholy’
It was on days like this, when he decided to just yield to his mood, that a strange calmness would wash over him. He would quite simply do nothing. Just sit, do nothing, and see what happened. As you can probably guess, nothing, is exactly what did happen. No one phoned him out of the blue to say: “I love you”. He didn’t suddenly decide to have a rummage in his draws and find a winning lottery ticket worth millions. What happened was nothing. Absolutely. Fuck. All. Except, that is, the calm.
It’s in moments like this when some of us realise that it’s losing control, of seeking to change or control how we feel, that magic happens. It may well be, that the mind, simply wants to pause. It’s this pausing that gives the mind the opportunity to reboot. When we consider what a computer is doing during a reboot, we’re able to gain a sense of the start-up procedure, our own minds are also looking to run through.
Just pausing, and losing control of seeking to change something, can have it’s uses
Letting go, of everything that normally concerns us, can be a tricky process. Most of us simply don’t have the time to switch off and do nothing. We spend so much time and energy chasing this or that. We’re constantly seeking to entertain ourselves (or others) and fill our minds. There always needs to be some kind of stimulation. Some activity that’s taking our attention. Some might say, all this effort, is just an attempt to distract ourselves from the now moment.
I’m reminded of the actor Robin Williams who, according to his wife Susan Schneider, said: ‘I just want to reboot my brain’. Putting his illness to one side for a moment, when we think of him, and the kind of personality he was, it’s easy to understand how he may have found switching off, and simply doing nothing, very difficult.
So, the alternative, to seeking control, is to yield and simply stop. When there’s nothing happening we give our minds the opportunity to reboot. Allow yourself to find a calmness, where you just know, there is nothing you need to be doing right now. Later, your enthusiasm, will return. There is time. Plenty of time. Relax.
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