If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?
The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.
If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.
Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.
So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?
Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.
Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.
An Additional Aspect
Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?
When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.
The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.
Let’s make things a little more tricky
What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.
That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.
The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming
Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.
The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.
So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now.