Slaves to Fighting – Enemies to Love

Slaves to Fighting - Enemies to Love

The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting

When we take a moment, to sit back and think about things, it’s easy to see where we’re going wrong. For example, how much of our time do we spend fighting? This can range from scrapping with the in-laws to fighting for our human rights. We may even have internal battles within ourselves.

Even the Invictus (Latin: unconquered) games are built on the rules of competition and fighting. The survivors of war, with missing limbs and so on, are given a new purpose and direction through the Invictus games. We can understand the thinking of the prince behind this, yet it was fighting, that put them there in the first place. Is it really the case, that the cure to their daily struggles, is more of the same?

The ideal, is for these soldiers to have never incurred injury to body and mind, in the first place. However, now that they have, how would it be, if we employed all of these survivors as diplomats, for peace? How would it be, if the cure was seen to be diplomacy, against fighting? How would it be if we better understood our internal battles?

How is it the case that we think the answer to our troubles is more of the same?

We put ‘troubled’ teenagers in the boxing ring. We talk about the importance of fighting for our rights. There are people fighting for change and there are those doing the same to halt it. What would happen if we just stopped?

It’s potentially the case that if we stopped getting angry and fighting to win, either for our rights or freedom, we would all become oppressed and controlled by other humans. There’s a good chance this would be the case. So how do we cure that problem?

Ultimately the answer must lie in unification. The problem we now have is the scrapping again. Everyone is fighting for individualism and what they believe is the right way. Everyone is fighting to protect their beliefs. What we’re failing to see is that individualism and beliefs are in fact something quite different to what most think they are.

The true individual will never exist

The reason I say this, is because until we’re able to completely remove ourselves from the influence of the beliefs of others, there will be no such thing, as the individual. Once you hold a belief, that’s also held by another, you’re no longer an individual. You become a slave to that belief. What’s needed is a belief that’s completely separate and devoid from all others. This, in itself, is impossible. One belief will always lead to another, otherwise, it would simply die. This is within the laws of physics: everything is connected, if not, it ceases to exist.

It’s only once we see the connections will we understand

Consider how things would be if we stopped the conflict and became unified. We become unified when we recognise the necessary connectedness of all things for them to function. For example, and as over simplified as it might seem, a despot leader, who is simply ignored, would cease to exist? If there’s no fear he would cease to exist. If no one had taken any notice of hitler, what would have happened? People listened because they were frightened and up for a fight. They wanted a leader they understood to be a fearless fighter. The truth was something very different.

Unification is brought about when we cease conflict and see our connectedness. We are all one    

Take the Saudi Arabian journalist Jamal Khashoggi as further example. He lost his life through conflict. If he’d just ignored the Saudi regime, and gone it alone, he’d still be alive today. If you don’t like what’s happening where you are move away. Leave and stay gone. Risking your life, for what you believe, is nonsensical. Now of course I’m likely being labelled a coward. In the eyes of a fighter I am. In the eyes of someone who loves their life I’m seen as sensible. 

The argument against all of this is that we’re all natural born fighters; that humans are at the top of the food chain because of this. We believe there’s a need for us to fight each other to get our needs and wants met. There is truth here, however, the year is 2018. Is it not time for us to get out of the playground and start acting like adults? Is it not children that fight?

Where are all the grown ups?

Being so bound up in our childish tit-for-tat mentality and our childish need for fairness (although now found to be innate) causes us to fight. Even though fighting for fairness has been found to be an innate driving, evolving beyond this, puts us in control without conflict. Enlightenment to our true selves stops the conflict. Knowing ourselves is key.

We can chose to ignore those who think they must fight for fairness. They have this mindset because they also hold it’s counterpart: unfairness (for no belief can survive alone). Fairness or equality is found when we have unification. The unified do have it all.

Believe you and I are one, through our shared humanity, and you will have it all

When we understand that we’re all one we have unification. When will we grow and peacefully unify against those who don’t understand this? When will we take ourselves out of slavery? When will we seek to rid ourselves of our internal torment? We have so much to reach for. So far to go.  

Easy Self-Discipline

Easy Self-discipline

Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing in the world

There are days, or is it just moments, where we think: what exactly is the point? What is it, this feeling, of not wanting people to bother with us? We don’t want them to talk to us or try to communicate with us on any level. We want to sleep, but can’t.

Is this just a down day? Of course it is, and yet, when there’s a part of us that felt so alive and enthusiastic for life yesterday, we can’t help wondering, what the hell has happened for all this to change?

Our mood and mental health changes from day to day

In fact, when we look closer, we can see that our mental health changes from moment to moment. It can take the slightest thing to change how we feel; for our mindset to alter. This could be something a person has said, or not said, for that matter. It could be the company we keep. Is it the influence of others deciding our mental stability?

It doesn’t matter, how impervious to the influence of others, we feel we’ve trained ourselves to become. People can still affect our moods and mindset. The alternative to this is being alone. It can be time alone that’s altering our mood. We can become withdrawn and inwardly focused, feeling like we’ve lost our motivation. How strange the mind is that it can alter, or be altered, so simply and inexplicably.

So here we come the issue of self-discipline

How can we keep ourselves on track and motivated when it seems our mind has different plans? This has a lot to do with understanding how we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted. What is it we’re doing to alter mood and mindset? What are we doing to alter our mental health?

When we look deeper, we will see, that to a greater extent than we realise, it is actually us that’s doing the changing. It is us that’s responsible for these seemingly inexplicable shifts.

Put yourself in the place of someone you believe to have immense stability, self-discipline, and determination

Take the racing driver Lewis Hamilton as example. What does this person have that enables him to be so consistently good? What does he have that makes him such an achiever? What is the secret to his consistency? It’s more than a good car that’s for sure. A winning car is only this way when driven by a passionate and winning driver. Not to mention his team; the people around him.

Self-discipline involves the matter of consistency and stability coming from within

In other words, we must keep ourselves aware of any inconsistencies within our patterns of thought, and behaviour. Take diet as a simple yet powerful example. We might think it okay to eat well and healthy one day, and the next, just pig-out on sugary and fatty junk foods. This might be a pattern of behaviour. It could well be a pattern that’s been allowed to build in strength for years and years; as such, it’s something we’re no longer fully conscious of.

If this type of eating were a followed pattern, it would be a prime example, of how we change moods from the inside out. We might now think that this is a chicken and the egg situation: that it’s the mood prompting the day of junk food or whatever. It is more likely though, that it’s simply a pattern – established many years ago – being acted out, over and over again. It’s this that’s changing mind. We are what we eat.

Take a moment now to think back to the consistency of our racing driver

During the racing season you can be sure Lewis Hamilton will be following strict routines. His patterns of thought and behaviour will be stable and consistently beneficial to winning races. He will have an awareness of this. So when it comes to self-discipline, it’s far easier to have this when we’re aware of what we might be doing, to alter our mindset from within. On a daily basis we must ask ourselves:

How am I making this harder for myself?

What am I doing that is in direct conflict with being consistent and stable?

Diet, thoughts and behaviour, have a lot more to do with conflict than we might first realise. If we’re to find stability and consistency, self-discipline, must extend to all aspects of our lives .

Important ingredients to success

Take a few more moments to imagine what kind of mindset our racing driver possess. Actually close your eyes and imagine. Imagine his exercise regime; his diet and the people around him. Consider his general lifestyle. With this, think about his moods, mindset and mental health. What place is he in psychologically? 

Apply this to yourself

Think of what changes and improvements to lifestyle, diet, thoughts and behaviour you must now make. The outcome will be a consistency and stability that begins from the inside out.

Along with thinking skills, one very important aspect of routine and self-discipline, is the ability to stop thought and just act. In other words, it’s our self-talk; our internal chatter, that can sometimes be the problem. By ceasing internal chatter – and just doing things routinely – we increase good habits and patterns of behaviour.

Often, all we need do, is simply stop thinking about it and act. As they saying goes: ‘The hardest part of going for a run is putting your trainers on.’ Discipline yourself and just do it.

Development in Spring

Spring Development

I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.  

It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.

During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.

To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.

The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.

Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.

This is where development comes into play

Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.

Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.

Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.

Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

The Shadow

The Shadow

I want you to imagine yourself walking down a dimly lit alley. It’s cold and damp, the streetlamps, are behind you. With that cold, halogen light behind, you’re casting a shadow in front. Your shadow is one step ahead, it would seem; it’s you that’s following it.

Of course, to place your shadow behind, the light needs to be coming from in front. Only then will it be behind you.

As you walk, the cold street lighting gets dimmer, and you notice a gentle warm light, up ahead. Stop for a moment, and look behind, there it is, that shadow of the past. Stationary, all is still, your shadow is waiting too.

Change though, and look forward with the light ahead. Move on, your shadow, trailing behind

Your shadow represents aspects of you that must be left behind. That unmotivated person, who drifts, undisciplined, with no direction or plan. It represents that part of you, that just lingers, and wastes the day. It doesn’t plan. It doesn’t make busy. It’s just maligned and lazy in a stew.

The shadow is that younger aspect of you. That part that liked the drama of conflict and heated emotions. That part of you that refuses to settle, commit and discipline yourself, constructive. It refuses the creative and new. The shadowy you refuses to plan, and fill the day with energy, and hew.

Look Ahead

Look around, the light is above you now. There’s no shadow to be seen. It’s time to say goodbye, to the shadowy past, there’s things for you to do. It’s that light of awareness striking you now. The awareness that you must plan each day, not laze it away.

Wise Fields

Discipline yourself to follow that plan. You’re no longer on a route dictated by the past. Following the same patterns from those before. Step out of the alley into that open space. Wise fields of glory expanding all around. No matter where you look, there’s no shadow in sight. Dead and gone, along with the past. Make a plan for you.

Right Now, No One Has Ever Hurt You – October 6th 2018

Hurt
Shit Happens

If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?

The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.

If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.

Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.

So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?

Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.

Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.

An Additional Aspect

Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?

When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.

The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.

Let’s make things a little more tricky

What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.

That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.

The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming

Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.

The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.

So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now. 

Your Mind’s Mind

Mind

The Power of Mind

We don’t really know what the mind is capable of. When we read about the great thinkers of the past, and experience those of the present, we’re certainly given a taste of its potential aren’t we? To a great extent, it’s us and our thinking, that proves to be the most influential gain – or limitation – on our minds potential. It’s how we think that makes the difference.

A powerful imagination has to be one of the greatest assets to thinking. We are bound or freed by what we’re capable of imagining. It’s said that if we’re capable of imagining it, some day, we’ll be able to achieve it. This philosophy is the epitome of how our minds can be both jailers and liberators. It’s only once we’re prepared to open our minds, through properly understanding them, do we find true freedom.

It will always be wise to encourage our children to develop their imaginations

Of course it’s what we encourage them to imagine that’s key. For example, it’s clearly understood that we become our most repetitive thoughts; for our most repetitive thoughts, are our beliefs. What does the child who witnesses domestic violence spend most of his time thinking about? Does he become a lover or a fighter? Incidentally, this violence can come in many forms, it’s never just physical.

The athlete that trains hard

but has negative, repetitive thoughts about her potential, will not gain the necessary beliefs to back-up her fitness. A positive mental attitude is the method we must use to build these useful beliefs. It works the same way in whatever we’re looking to achieve. Remember, our minds are both jailers and liberators, it’s entirely up to us, how we choose the thoughts that determine this.

Our minds have the power to heal us and the power to kill us

The problem we’re faced with, is there’s a part of the mind, that knows no difference between the two. It’s said that it’s the disease that cures us. Take depression as example. What is depression actually doing? The immediate answer will of course be – nothing. In fact, to suggest depression is doing something for us, will often be met with total incredulity. I can clearly hear the “how dare you’s!” out there somewhere right now. The thing is though, once we see mind as equally our jailer or liberator, we open up choices. It’s us doing it. Depression, as far as the unconscious mind is concerned, is an attempt to cure.

When we feel down, the mind can be just as equally keeping us from something, getting us something, or showing us something

If our mind sees change as a threat to our survival, then it will of course, look for ways to stop this. How keen are we on instigating change when we feel depressed? Not very I would suggest. In fact, when depressed, we don’t feel like doing much at all do we? So the question we must now ask is: Where did we learn to fear change? What was it that changed when we were young that made us afraid? We must make ourselves aware that change as children is frightening. Now though, we are grown.

Habit equals safe. Change was unsettling

The part of our mind that looks to protect us from danger, is constantly battling to keep the status quo. We might have plans that involve change and yet we become blighted by depression. In this instance the child-mind is protecting us from what we fear: change. We must gain the resources, and build sufficient confidence, to help us accept we’re safe now we’re grown.

If depression were to be showing us something

It could well be, that the feelings associated with this illness, are the minds way of bringing unfinished business to our attention. Just as equally, becoming depressed perhaps changes things around us, and gives us a feeling of control over our external environment. What better way to keep people attentive – or distant for that matter – than through becoming depressed? Was being quiet and sulky a useful way to gain mothers love?

All in all, understanding our mind, is to lean it’s power toward it becoming our liberator, rather than jailer. What we do understand is, the proper development of our powerful imaginations, will always prove beneficial. It is possible to imagine a better future where repetitive thoughts become the beliefs that free us. Grow.

Have you considered how a Personal Development Workshop could help you grow? Find your application form here.