It’s said the best things in life are free. It’s considered that these free things are family and friends. But what if family and friends have no or little value for life?
The best things in life will neverbe free. Life is best when lived in freedom. For the majority in this world, at this time, freedom needs to be worked at.
I once met a mother who told me how her young son had stabbed his teddy bear because he couldn’t get what he wanted. Such an angry child.
A young man’s opinion, on why since 2014, incidents of stabbings have doubled in parts of the UK: “the kids don’t value their lives enough.”
Some of these young men never had teddy bears. It could be, that feeling there’s so little to live for, lacking value for life, violence isn’t seen as something to distance themselves from. If anything they’re drawn to it. Or are they just stabbing each other (their teddy bears) to get noticed? Self-loathing borne from the frustration of not knowing how to be grown. Fatherless child.
The player in question then went on to win the game, claiming this had nothing to do with the umpires, intervention. He did of course need to state this because in tennis, receiving any kind of coaching during a game, is forbidden. He received encouragement from the umpire, and as such, the rules were broken. Cheats are everywhere; behaving like a child.
“Here’s the thing. The young man, giving his opinion on stabbings, isn’t playing a game of tennis, no, he and his peers, are playing the game of life. Coaching during this game is permitted”
There are numerous examples of intervention causing change. When we successfully alter someones mindset, we help them win the game. Even though this is permissible in the game of life, the available assistance, is often ignored or dismissed.
On the radar
Many people are unaware of how to find the kind of training that can alter their mindset. To add to this, even those who have training presented to them, dismiss it for varying reasons. Once a certain mindset becomes predominant it can be challenging to change. For example, if we don’t value our lives, we’ll not actually be seeking change to begin with. Some are lost with no way out in sight.
We are an organisation set on helping people win the game of life. The rules we work from dictate that we mustn’t place ourselves high in an umpires chair. What we must do though, is simply present to you, the options for change.
If you’re a seeker prepared to dump the teddy bear of childhood, with a desire to win, you can find your application form here.
“Those of a religious persuasion are comforted in the knowledge there’s someone out there looking after them”
That there is a God, a higher force; an authority making decision and changing things for them. They believe they’re a product of this God, designed and put here, to do His bidding. For the religious, there is someone or something looking after them.
It doesn’t matter what hardships befalls the religious either because these things have been sent as a test. A means for them to prove themselves worthy of His approval; to be welcomed into his loving arms at a later time. Very reassuring and comforting I’m sure.
My own birth mother was a very religious woman. I understand the need she had for her beliefs and I also understand their consequences. She would wrap herself and those around her in a controlling blanket of guilt. So encapsulating was this guilt, it stifled and crippled us all. My total rejection of her faith, and my family in general, was the result of needing to free myself of a crippling past.
“Before she died my mother sent me an email with a video attachment”
No words, no subject, just the attachment. The video clip was one of those ‘guaranteed-easy-get-rich’ schemes. It went on for ages telling me how rich I’d get by following their ‘remarkable’ trading system. No actual information, just a sales pitch: images of a rich man going about his business getting out of large cars and into private jets. After ten minutes of this tawdry twaddle I switched it off. In my mind there’s no such thing as ‘easy get rich.’ Unless you win the lottery that is, but where’s the fun in that?
“Anyway, having thought about things, I understand why my mother sent it”
It was so strange. After having little or no contact with my family for over ten years, I receive a video, telling me how to get rich. As mentioned earlier, I fully understand the beliefs my mother held, and so now realise the get rich video was sent as a means of ensuring we never meet in heaven. She was sincerely hoping I did get rich. For a rich man can never enter the gates of heaven.
And Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”When the disciples heard this they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
On reflection, and knowing what she believed, it would stand as a vile and cruel thing to send someone who held the same beliefs. A kind of curse if you will. It’s fortunate that my beliefs are a little more practical. Besides, if you’d like to follow what Jesus said, all you need do, is become a God yourself. Plenty have. “With God all things are possible.”
“You see, I don’t believe in heaven existing anywhere else, other than the here and now”
In fact, whilst being very much alive, it’s possible for anyone to experience heaven. All you need do is sit on a cushion, legs crossed, eyes mostly closed, mouth slightly open with your tongue tucked neatly behind your two front teeth. Now all you need is to quieten your mind by gently focusing on your breathing. Heaven is experienced when you’re truly in the now moment, with no cares, no worries, no expectations, no awareness of the past or the future, just now, just breathe. Now is all that matters. There is heaven.
When I think of the religious; such lonely people, it makes me a little sad. Often when I think of the billions crying out for someone to look after them, a small, salty tear, rolls down my cheek. Their abject refusal to grow up and take care of themselves, and stop wondering about who might do this for them, is staggering in its blind temerity.
“Thankfully there are billions of other people who know the truth of their situation”
The majority understand: If they don’t take charge and responsibility for themselves, some other human, will look to do this for them. For those in the know, that prospect, is hell on earth. Hell on earth is created when we stumble around leaving things to imaginary Gods. The chances are, if you wait long enough, something good will happen in your life. The religious will put this down to God. I put this down to mathematics.
Do the maths and help yourself get ahead with additional, practical, thinking tools. Become one of the Gods. You can apply using this form.
The reason for wanting a Beautiful Ambition of Wholeness is healthy-selfish. Healthy-selfish differs greatly to guilty-selfish. The latter is driven by the belief there is something wrong with looking out for number one. You must always come first.
So healthy-selfish, is based on the need to improve one’s own quality of life. The overall effect of this, is we become great role models through our new ambition of wholeness (finding and knowing ourselves). The initial effect of our selfishness is we become healthier and happier. There can be nothing wrong with healthy-selfish.
Why does wholeness make us healthy and happy?
In answer to that question, seeking wholeness is the method we must employ to remove conflict. Conflict creates the kind of stress that creates illness and unhappiness. The easiest example we can find of this kind of conflict is that of unconscious guilt.
“Guilt that’s buried beneath the level of our awareness drives all kinds of issues. From damaging habits, to the confusion caused through our seeming powerlessness to change, unremoved guilt is the culprit”
When we carry guilt – and remain unaware as to what degree – we will often look to shed this through sharing it. We will look to find ways in which we can cause others to also feel guilty. We want them to feel the way we do. It’s a little like the school bully who’s hurting, and as such, needs others to share his pain.
In a sense, this sharing changes how we feel, alleviating pain and confusion. At least for a short time. We can think of self harm in this same light. Confusion, often caused by guilt, is alleviated through transforming this into the physical feelings of pain.
“There’s confusion, frustration and unresolved guilt, buzzing through my brain. When I cut myself I feel relieved”
And so the alternative to cutting ourselves (this also might take the form of illness) is to relieve ourselves of stress through the healthy-selfish option of getting to know ourselves better.
We must of course think in these healthy-selfish terms, (putting me first is okay) so that we don’t jeopardise our endeavours through feeling bad about our new ambition, of wholeness. Guilty-selfish is a little like constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. Unless we remove the guilt buried beneath our awareness we’ll be trapped in this dilemma.
So how do I remove something I’m unaware of?
If your behaviour is in any way self destructive, this is the mind’s way, of making you aware. Thoughts of suicide are the extreme example of this. We can pin all manner of things on why we might feel this way, (relationship break up, money worries etc, etc.) yet ultimately, guilt (I’m a failure) is always the underlying factor. Through the magic of seeking wholeness – making this our ambition – guilt is seen for what it truly is.
Guilt is the inner self saying: ‘There is something wrong with me’
If we take the example of my need to guilt a sixteen year old (in an attempt to gain respect) all it did was cause aggravation and upset. If I’d said something like: “I understand why you’re behaving this way” the effect would have been more manageable. Instead of our inner voice saying ‘there is something wrong with you’far better we catch this habit and say ‘I understand this as guilt; there is nothing wrong with me.’
“The reality is there can be nothing wrong with you, because whatever it is that’s happening right now, it’s only a lesson taking you closer to wholeness”
For example, without the experience I had with my sixteen year old work colleague, (if you haven’t already you will need to read at least part of this post) I’d not be writing this now, and I’d not be able to do things differently next time around. In other words, we need to get things wrong, in order to change our behaviour for the next time. If all we do is feel guilt, and never move forward from this, we’re buggered.
When hindsight enables me to think of my experience with the child in my last post, I do in fact know why, he behaves the way he does. It’s because of his belief that he’s a man (the adults around him require this because he has six younger brothers) that he sees me as an equal. My ego finds this offensive. My ego felt that my age in some way creates superiority. Reflection has taught me the error in my thinking. It doesn’t create superiority, yet I still believe, it demands respect. This is purely down to my belief older and wiser people deserve to be shown it.
A sixteen year old, who’s never been given good reason to respect an adult, and also believes he’s a man, will struggle with this. When I guilted him I inadvertently told him: “There’s something wrong with you.” There is something wrong, yet the problem doesn’t lie within him, it’s lies in a lack of relevant information.
Information is the key. The more we know, about the real reasons for why we do the things we do, the closer we come to wholeness: A Beautiful Ambition Indeed.
If you desire the kind of information, that sets you on the path of wholeness, you can find your application form here.
Just recently something very interesting came to my attention. It was all about my inability to recognise something in human behaviour through been hoodwinked by beliefs.
Imagine a sixteen year old who weighs eighteen stone and is six foot two tall. He looks like a man. Most of the time he acts like a man. He believes he is a man, and because of this, most, if not all of the adults around him, treat him as such. It wasn’t until I reacted to his disrespectful behaviour, and made the following statement, did things really kick off. I said:
“It confuses me how a child of sixteen can be so disrespectful to a man of my age.” BOOM!
To cut a long story short I pushed hard on a hot spot. I touched a nerve. The events that followed are what enlightened me to his true age and level of maturity*. Due to an appreciation of his true age and maturity my attitude to this child has now changed. I’ve removed my ignorance of his belief and treat him accordingly: With the respect and understanding deserved of a child. He must find this confusing.
More than anything, what came to light, was the emotional immaturity of self-preservation through self-centeredness. The self-centeredness of a child. The ability we all have to protect oneself through not caring about anything except the self.
Immature Self-centeredness Gone Mad
Let’s take the catholic faith and its believers. We all know what’s come to light over recent years: The sexual abuse of children by priests and nuns. What surprises me, is how those who follow this faith, can still continue to do so. They know their faith attracts abusive, dysfunctional people, yet continue to believe. They’re inadvertently protecting abusers. Whilst the lives of countless people have been destroyed through the activities of those who represent the church, this institution, is allowed to carry on.
“On a level we’re beginning to accept, we know religion is stunting the development of mankind, yet allowing it to continue. We must ask why?”
In answer to that question, we could say this is down to the rights, of the individual. It’s our right to follow and believe what we choose. Even if these institutions are corrupt, immoral or just downright ridiculous in what they teach, it’s our right to follow them. It’s the individual’s right. So how do such people continue to believe? The answer must be through their need for self-preservation. Their beliefs are solely focused on the self, regardless of whether these beliefs are abusive to the rest of us, or not.
“The whole of religion is abusive when we think of it”
Abusive, because the continuance of antiquated beliefs, stunt the development of us all. It’s not dissimilar to keeping a child locked in a cage, never having the truth of father Christmas or the tooth fairy, revealed to them. All their lives the religious continue to believe the nonsense spouted by the delusional and abusive. Remember, through keeping us stunted within its antiquated belief systems, religion abuses us all. Religion assumes its beliefs are useful and correct for all. They are not. They are only correct and useful to those who believe them.
We’re being hoodwinked and we’re treating them in a way that assumes their beliefs are correct for everyone. It’s not dissimilar to treating a boy as if he were a man. In this respect are we not abusing them? It could be said that by keeping them stuck – through not outlawing the whole shebang – we’re actually abusing them! I say set them free and stop ALL the abuse. Should we not help the delusional rather than condone their beliefs? But then again, some delusional beliefs have their value, do they not? Perhaps only to those holding them though.
“It follows that all outdated beliefs that are no longer useful and productive keep us stunted”
We should, and potentially will in the coming years, use the example of religious beliefs to help explain their debilitating nature. When we hang on to antiquated beliefs, or have people placed in positions of authority do it for us, we will always be leading lives that are influenced by them.
“Beliefs that are placed through ignorance, romantic notion, fear, lies and sentimentality will always be unstable”
My understanding, that a certain individual respected me enough to protect our relationship, was shattered through the removal of my ignorance. The consequence of my enlightenment, to being hoodwinked by the beliefs of another, is now acting as protection. I’m fully able to detach myself emotionally from children who, through their immaturity, have no care whatsoever for the wellbeing of others outside their family unit.
Those who are able to empathise and respect us, do this, through having moved beyond childish self-centeredness. It will be necessary for you to seek these people out if you want them in your life. Many never move beyond the level of self-centeredness experienced by the mind of a sixteen year old.
So to sum up, here is the lesson. If you want to get ahead in life, and not get dragged down through the immature illusions – and delusional beliefs – of others, remove your ignorance. Once you do this, emotional detachment is a breeze. Simple.
If you’d like to know more about how to remove limiting beliefs, and then creatively install useful ones, you can find your application form here
General enquiries to email@example.com
*It is actually a form of abuse to treat a child, as you would an adult, but that’s certainly the subject for another post.
There are numerous examples of working class clever. It’s the romantic rags to riches story. Be it comedians or businessmen, we’re able to hear or read all about desires for change. We’re often told stories of poverty and hardship. How suffering and pain in their past acted as the driving force behind their current success. We read about their need to escape the past.
“There are driving forces from the past, other than poverty and hardship, we can read about too”
It’s very useful to see cleverness as being something of a two tier arrangement. The first cleverness is recognition. We must be able to see something outside of the existence our upbringing taught us. Most of the working classes unfortunately remain ignorant to their potential. The second cleverness is the ability to seize that thing we’re good at and put it to work.
“There will have been a seed planted that grew into ambition and passion”
At some stage in the history of our working class clever, there will have been the kind of feedback, that enlightened them to their cleverness. I believe we all have this cleverness but just lack the necessary feedback. It’s the: “if it were good enough for me it’s good enough for him” mentality in childhood that scuppers us. It’s this limiting mentality – bounced off children by parents – that really does us in. They use it to justify their continued ignorance. Mothers and fathers are often blind to the potential of children.
“Without recognition and feedback it’s difficult to make headway”
The solution to this lack in childhood is to seek it once we’re older. The working class man, who feels trapped into his situation, can always do something about it. What’s needed is someone to recognise his potential who then shows him how to change through example. What’s needed is self belief.
If we want to find example of working class clever – and the rags to riches story – we never have to look too far. And the thing is, if we look a little deeper at these examples, we will see the seed that was sown long ago. The seed of love.
In order to make headway, take some time to think about how to find this dormant seed, within yourself. It’s the essential ingredient that brings the working class clever to light. Often, all that’s needed, is to spend time in the company of people who believe in themselves.
Are you a lonely people pleaser with poor boundaries, or just a nice person, that everyone wants a piece of? It doesn’t matter how attention is gained either. Loving and kind or negative and antagonistic it’s all devised to grab your mind. This is perhaps a useful way to see things. If you’re a kind and loving person everyone will want a piece of you.
As far as the loving and kind thing is concerned, who wouldn’t want that? It’ll get my attention every time. The problem is, so does the antagonistic, provocative method. We can so often be like a wind-up toy and it seems people can so easily get their hands on the key. What we need to be aware of, is how we’re handing it to them. What are we doing in order to give people the key to the treasure of our attention?
It’s true to say:
Professionals place great value on their time and attention. If you want to be in the company of a professional, you’ll need to pay for it. Just today for example, I was made aware, that if you want to spend half an hour in the company of a dental hygienist, it’ll cost you upwards of £72! That’s right, half an hour! And never mind what the dentist charges.
So with this in mind, what value should we all place on our attention to others? There are those that will tell you: if you have something of value it’s wise to be guarded as to how much of it you give away. It is a funny old world we live in nowadays though isn’t it? So much is given away for free. Or is it?
You might be able to watch a video on YouTube for nothing, but can you experience those same artist, playing live free gratis? No, not really. If you want to spend time in the company of these people, you’ll need to put your hand in your pocket. The video is seen as a ‘lost leader.’ It’s a method to hook you and gain your valuable time and attention. Your mind equals cash.
Perhaps it works in the same way with you:
Your time and attention is so addictive, people just want more and more of it, and it doesn’t matter to them how they get it. Your attention is similar to the ‘lost leader’ video for music artists. If this is the case, in order to protect ourselves from harm orexploitation, we must learn how to set firm boundaries. In addition to this, we must learn neutrality or indifference to the lives and troubles, of others.
Neutrality and indifference is found through having no opinion. We detach ourselves from having opinions through realising the often futile nature of forming and expressing them. Unless you’re in the business of helping people change their beliefs, learn the art, of silence. Even though this can be hard we must learn its power. Silence is found when we know how to quieten the mind.
“One of the most effective ways of achieving this ‘quietness of mind’ is through meditation. Time to ourselves is fully realised when we know how to meditate”
Our introduction to meditation and mindfulness is included within course fees. As a result of us valuing our opinions we also value yours. As such, time spent in silence, is limited to fifteen minutes on the morning of day one.
“You may find this relevant today. Extracted from our workbook: ‘Create Beautiful Partnerships’ – we’re sure it will help”
There are people who take all the time and there are people who
give all the time, the latter is exhausting
Michelle sat at the kitchen table smoking a very large joint; she drew heavily, inhaled the smoke and began to feel the buzz.
‘That’s better,’ she said to the empty kitchen, ‘time alone to chill with a glass of wine and a smoke, heaven!’
Michelle enjoyed being there for others, it helped her feel less alone in a way, but to Michelle, people always seemed so needy. She often asked herself: what was it about her that enabled people to open up, to share their sorrows so readily? Was she a good listener, a good friend, likeable?
The time alone continued for three days. Eventually, she became bored with feeling drunk and stoned, it was time to return to work and reality. Michelle’s reality was loneliness. Even when in company she could never quite push the feeling of being alone away. It helped to be with friends and colleagues, either at work or in her local later.
Andrew loved it when Michelle sat with him. They had both finished a tiring day’s work and were now in their local pub, enjoying the atmosphere and beer. To Andrew, Michelle seemed such a caring, lovely person, so easy to talk to. He was, of course, falling for her and in his eyes; she seemed to be warming to him.
As they talked, he shared more and more of himself, his fears, hopes and troubles. Michelle listened, made jokes and smiled in all the right places and seemed insistent on buying more than her fair share of drinks. Andrew made a decision, at the end of the evening he would ask her out. At the time, Andrew hadn’t even considered the fact he knew absolutely nothing about Michelle, all he knew was that he liked her warmth
And so it was, they started seeing each other and over the weeks became closer, more loving. The sex was great! In Andrew’s eyes all seemed well, until Michelle changed. She became distant, detached somehow. They started seeing less and less of each other. When in company, Michelle seemed antagonistic and critical of the things he said and did. It was the evening when he became angry at her criticism that he decided to call it a day
‘It’s just not working,’ he told her.
Returning home afterwards he felt sad and confused over ending it with his girlfriend, but knew her behaviour had become intolerable.
‘Well, there goes another one, disappearing into the night,’ said Michelle despondently. ‘And anyway he was just another needy fella, no loss.’
It was only later that Michelle began to feel sad and confused, she didn’t understand why so many of her relationships ended up this way. She had fallen in love with Andrew.
She topped up her glass of red wine, and then drew heavily on her joint. ‘Oh, heaven, time alone to chill,’ she exclaimed to the walls in her kitchen.
To be considerate to other peoples needs is all well and good, however, to be overly considerate to others, due to a need to be liked, will in time end in the need to reject the people who learn to take from the people pleaser.
An individual who gives all the time will be neglecting their own emotional needs. This state of affairs cannot be sustained for long periods. When the people pleaser begins to sense they are neglecting their own emotional needs, it becomes necessary for them to reject the takers.
People are often confused by the people pleaser, as most of the time they are the life and soul of the party. They are the kind of person who can be relied upon to do the right thing by others, to be there for them. In time, the people pleaser will turn. They may slip into a dark mood and cut themselves off from others. Confusion for all is the result.
To be the partner of a people pleaser is hard work, as it can seem that the relationship is one long cycle of acceptance, followed by rejection and so on.
Needing to be liked by others is the people pleaser’s drama. Neglecting ones own emotional needs only results in a poor cycle of accept, then reject, the result of which is confusion for the people pleaser and those around them.
In our true story, Michelle was a people pleaser. Her own emotional needs came second. The cycle of accept, then reject, was necessary for her due to mental exhaustion. She needed to learn how to accept love and learn to believe that she was lovable.
We refer to the ‘ultimate rejection process’ within our heading; by changing her consciousness with alcohol and marijuana, Michelle was ultimately rejecting the self.
Putting ones own emotional needs first is paramount in beginning to change the cycle of accept then reject, a cycle that can happen when overly considerate to other peoples needs. It must be recognised that the individuals emotional needs come before anyone else’s.
Conversely, a person who dumps their emotional baggage onto others will continue to do this if allowed to do so. They may not have any consideration for the recipient of their garbage, they come away lighter, and the people pleaser will only ever ultimately feel dumpedon.
Important questions are these:
What is it that is lacking within me that drives me to want to please everyone else?
How is it so important that others like me?
What needs to happen for me to believe that people like me for who I am?
You can find your application form for workshop attendance here.
He began dreading her appearance. Having travelled for an hour she’d step off the bus and instantly light a rolled up cigarette. Always 8:45. The cigarette was never finished before she reached the shop, so would stand outside, hacking and coughing until it was. The smell would waft in, turning his stomach, and he’d feel like vomiting.
He likened his present life to being a little like eating cod roe when the richness of his previous life had been like eating caviar. He had of course lived many lives, and so also knew that being alive in the 21st century, was as good as he’d ever experienced it. People complained about this and that and it seem the weather was the biggest gripe at the moment. If only they knew how good they had it.
Having finished her ‘fag’ in she walked, still coughing, beginning the usual manic behaviour in an attempt to intimidate. As best he could he ignored her and made a conscious effort to calm himself even more. He rarely looked at her these days and so heard very little of her bile: This was wrong, that was wrong, constant criticism of others. He knew it was criticism by proxy but refused to bite, as he understood who was being paid, a managers wage. At whose door responsibility lay.
Even with the pay, she didn’t actually managed things, and with his refusal to do it for her, the store was a horribly toxic environment. It came as no surprise to him that the paper kids were out of control; abusive and testing. Boundaries collapsing. Just biding his time, about ready to leave.
One of the places he’d worked recently had a ‘three strikes and you’re out’ kind of rule. Christ how the working classes ate shit. It followed that he now applied this to his current situation: one more incident of abuse from the poisonous old hag, and he’d hand her the keys. There was no fear, he simply didn’t care anymore.
He had in mind a meditative journey. A light dome tent, sleeping bag and a thick inflatable mattress, was all he’d carry. He’d walk further into the west country, more weight to lose, without a care in the world. There are adventures to be had and it was always how his next life would start.
In his mind the twisted old hag smoked and burned like the end of her fag; she crumbled into ash and dust as he watched. He remembered what she’d told him: “Oh yeah, cervical cancer after I had James,” wow! How she must have made her only child pay for that. No wonder he became a priest. The guilt buried so deep it’s in the marrow of his bones. Priest James: a guilty child.
Just like his own birth mother having her womb removed altogether. Hysterectomy they’d called it. One way to make sure it never happens again. The only way to rid oneself of that level of guilt, is to die and be born again, again, again.
Such a vile species are we not? Had the old hag come to represent his frightful birth mother now cremated. Probably, but he wasn’t going to switch the blame through analysis anymore. And the thought of breathing in his mothers, now free floating molecules, also made him want to vomit.
He wondered how he’d survive on his own once again. He wondered how long it would be before his faith returned; before he’d see salty rich caviar on his plate once again.
“If we’re not very careful toxic environments can become the norm”
If we’re not very careful, binding ourselves to certain places and situations, becomes acceptable. Often, what lies at the root to our toleration of bad relationships or poor work environments, is fear. ‘Better the devil we know’ is probably one of the worst maxims ever thought up.
Of course moving on and escaping toxicity takes courage. We must firstly recognise how stagnant and damaging our situation has become before we can do anything. Once something has become an accepted norm we can become blind to its bind.
“It could well be that we have some kind of plan”
We have a plan for escape, and yet we’re not seeing, how it’s also binding us. The plan may well seem sound and well constructed, however, for some unknown reason, it’s not coming to fruition. During our struggles to bring our plans to maturity, we’re having to cope with an ever increasing toxicity, to our lives. This is a no win situation. Imagine being slowly poisoned by a boiler we know should have been serviced many years ago. We keep it running, ignoring the risk; reluctant to make the necessary arrangements. The boiler eventually kills us. We’re slowly gassed to death in our sleep.
“We wake when we rinse the fear from our minds”
When we’re able to remove the inhibiting filters of fear, we’re able to see what arrangements need to be made, in order to escape. Not when the plan comes together. These plans may well have become part of the problem. Once again it may be necessary to wipe the blackboard clean and start over.
“We might be lying to ourselves”
Take some time to think about how we all bind ourselves into toxic situations, believing that things will work out, in the end. The biggest problem with this kind of thinking, is when it does eventually work out, it’ll be the end. Too late. Do something now and escape.
Recent experiences have taught me some valuable lessons. The lessons have been stressful. This, in the most part, has been brought on by myself. I often see the kind of provocation, I’m currently experiencing, as a personal attack on my dignity. In a sense, its my reaction, and consequent thought processes, that create the problem. I counterbalance, or rid myself of these stressors, through anger followed by rigorous exercise. This works in the short term, however:
“An additional means of dealing with stress is to firstly learn how to be gentle with ourselves, through our initial reaction, and secondly through taming the nature of our thought processes. A gentle response to provocation can be difficult to master”
So how do we do this? Making the assumption people are frightened is useful but not always correct. Sometimes people are simply looking for rejection. Perhaps they’re looking for someone to express repressed anger for them. Provocation and the reasons for it can take many forms with many differing roots. As a general rule, if our reaction to provocation creates stress and upset, this will be due to the provocateurs ability to touch a sensitive nerve.
“What is this sensitive nerve?”
We all have sensitive ‘hot spots’ that others can tap into. The issue of dignity, for example, is of great importance to me. If those around me are looking to rob me of this I react defensively. The only true way for me to rid myself of this sensitive nerve is to kill it. The way to do this is to question the root of why I feel the need to defend myself. What is dignity and why is it so personally important?
It often proves a mistake to expect people to treat us with any kind of respect. They might not know anything about us. We all have our own story. The story of our successes, failures, sadness and so on. Others can never really fully appreciate the place we’re coming from. So with this in mind, respect for our sensitivities, will never really happen until we’re loved and understood.
Why should we love and understand people? It’s often the case that when we look to love and understand those around us, they will then do this, in return. Respect is earned when we’re able to rise above antagonistic provocation. We do this through seeking to understand and love others. This is achieved when we can offer this to ourselves.
Through the process of looking to understand my sensitive nerves; my hot spots, I’m in the process of loving myself. This is where it must always start. Surprisingly, we begin to feel so much better – relieved of stress – when we finally, catch on.
If you’re the kind of person who’d like to better understand the points raised in this or other posts, workshop attendance, is recommended. You can find your application form here.
Like it or not if we want more personal power we’re going to need the know-how. The knowledge of how others surreptitiously take our power, and how we might be unknowingly giving it away, will prove invaluable. We can either gain this knowledge through the school of hard knocks, or we can learn avoidance techniques. It’s a simple choice. And it’s those who realise the benefits to learning additional life-skills that are awarded personal power.
Relationships are Important
It’s a rare thing to enter adulthood with the kind of emotional maturity that awards us good relationships. It’s true to say, the better equipped we are at displaying emotional maturity, the more likely we’ll find that person of our dreams. The individual who’s respectful of our needs, and at the same time mature enough to put their needs in the proper place, finds beauty in their relationships. We’re able to be one of the fortunate when we have the correct information to hand.
Awareness is Paramount
Increasing self-awareness comes as a by-product of knowing others better. Once we understand the reflective nature of people’s character, we’re awarded an unprecedented ability, to see ourselves objectively. It’s only once we can do this, that we’re able to raise our self-awareness and our game. Self-awareness empowers us to take full control of ourselves and our lives. Take for example, the person who’s in a constant state of confusion over their mood swings. They report feelings of being out of control; as if they’re on a “constantly moving emotional seesaw.” We ask about diet, walk them through a typical day, only to discover their bad habit. We then point out, how gobbling five hundred calorie sugar hits, four or five times a day, is likely effecting their brain, thus raising their self-awareness. Knowledge is power.
Knowing What to Believe
Knowing what we believe gives us the ability to question and change those beliefs that limit us. For example, the person who grows up believing big (overweight) gives them the power to intimidate people, and get their needs met through this intimidation, is limited through simple belief. We help such an individual, who might be five stones overweight, through helping them recognise how they’re carrying five stones of fear. Fear shortens lives, either through being afraid ourselves, or believing we need others to be this way, so we may get our needs met. Never be afraid to question beliefs.
Time is of The Essence
The sooner we’re in a position of power, over ourselves, choices and ultimately our lives, the sooner we get started on truly living. We can do away with much of the drama of life, through being informed, and in emotional control. Learning how we create our own difficulties, through bad relationships and limiting beliefs, is at the core of making the most of our precious time. Never waste time thinking ‘things will just work themselves out in the end.’ By the time that arrives, it will of course, be too late.
“Looking closely at money does seem to open up more questions than answers”
Even so, questions are important, and discussing money, so we can lose some of the potential stress and misunderstandings surrounding it, will be of great value (excuse the pun).
Often when seeking to understand money, we’re given advice and guidance that relates directly to its management: how best to save, invest, earn etc. All well and good, however, there is something of fundamental importance, that’s often overlooked: The Psychology.
Time and money bear a close correlation. For example, we want that new car, bike or pair of shoes, but don’t currently have the cash available. So rather than waiting, until we’ve saved enough, we borrow. Buy now pay later. You might think fair enough. If we’re prepared to pay the interest on the loan, we’re able to enjoy the goods now, rather than later. But what is the psychology behind this thinking.
“What is buy now pay later really all about. Is this a lack of patience? Is it just a social thing? Or is it that our wants are greater than our needs?”
I’m able to compare my own experience of being young and broke with someone who is currently just starting out in life. When I was sixteen I didn’t have the cash to buy the moped I desperately needed, so, with my father acting as guarantor, I borrowed. It turned out to be a mistake – I borrowed more than I could afford – and my father had been foolish to allow it. He’d been unable to advise me otherwise. In comparison, I’m aware of a young man who, even though his earning capacity is restricted, has successfully managed to save enough money to buy his first moped. He’s also now saving for his next bike; a bigger one. He has no debt. To be able to put the words young and patient together, in the same sentence, is a very rare thing.
“We can know this is down to several potential factors”
Firstly he hasn’t been able to borrow money (no guarantor) or secondly he’s been cleverly advised out of it. The chances are, his beliefs – formed from advice and experience – have created a positive time/money correlation. In other words, he’s learned patience in its respect.
Of course saving for a moped is one thing, yet buying a house for example, would be an entirely different matter. With the property market as it is, it would be nigh on impossible for the average person to ever save enough to buy one outright. He or she would be so old, by the time they’d saved enough, that they’d never have the chance to enjoy it. Plus we have the problem of house prices always increasing way above the rate of pay increases. And isn’t that a curious thing? The gap between the rich and the poor ever increasing do you think?
“Anyway Let’s Not Get Distracted!”
That last paragraph does all hinge on our beliefs relating to home ownership. Provided we’re able to find a decent landlord we can be quite happy renting. If you’ve no concerns over leaving inheritance to family members (or cat charities,) then owning your own home, is in fact a bit of a nonsense. We can all be sold on the idea of having no mortgage in retirement, but that can be offset, with the belief that retirement is a complete nonsense too. Retire from what? There are many ways we can stay as wage earners in old age. Society actually requires input from the older generation. This is in much the same way children (mostly) benefit from knowing grandparents.
We could go on and on with the debate over money, yet there is one simple answer to removing much of the stress surrounding it. I touched on this earlier. It’s that thing of our wants being greater than our needs. Once we can reach a point in our lives where our wants match our needs we’ll be in a favourable position. The sooner the better. This is the time/money correlation in its essence.
“Doing this involves some cleverness”
If, at the age of sixteen, I’d been a little more canny and wise to the world, I could have avoided much of the stress and difficulties I’ve experienced ever since. If someone had said to me:
“Look kiddo, here’s the thing, you’re being fucked over by your own wants and your wanting is being driven by your beliefs on happiness.”
“Right now you believe the only root to your happiness is that moped, right? Okay, so what would need to happen for you to find this freedom and happiness without it?”
That last question would certainly be a mind-bomb for the average sixteen year old. It would probably be the case, that suggestions from someone I believed in and respected, would’ve been necessary. Perhaps, if such a person had introduced me to an inexpensive hobby, things would have worked out differently. Perhaps, if it’d been explained – in clear and simple terms – that happiness and freedom must begin in the mind, and never outside of it, things would have been very different.
All in all, there’s no getting away from the facts of life: We will always need sufficient money to cater for our basic needs and independence. Without that we’ve no chance of happiness, and to add to our misery, illness is potentially around every corner.
“So to close”
Hopefully this has opened up your mind a little to the subject in hand. I would question the belief that money buys happiness. Without our basic needs being met, we’ll be unhappy, that’s a given. However, our attitude of mind, mentality and belief system, has great bearing on the amount of stress and unhappiness we might experience around the subject. It’s really worth pondering on the time/money correlation. Surly it’s the case, the wiser we are and the sooner we find this wisdom, the happier we will be from the offset?
You can find out more on beliefs through workshop attendance and by typing in the search word ‘beliefs’ into the appropriate box. Your application form can be found here.
We’ve come a long way since the days of ‘put-up-and-shut-up.’ This kind of attitude to life is no longer accepted by the majority. Humanity has, and is looking to solve many of the riddles and conundrums, to life. For example, why is it good people, always seem to get the shitty end of the stick? In answer to that, it’s not so much about good or bad that makes the difference, it’s about having a proper grip on the realities of life, that does. It’s also about understanding the influences of the past on the present.
“Most times, we do need to understand the importance of putting ones own needs, uppermost in our mind”
That last statement might go against the grain slightly. However, unless we realise the realities of life at the offset, we’ll likely be in for some nasty surprises. Awareness of the importance of Personal Responsibility places us in a position of power. Leaning on others, believing they’re thinking about us and our needs, might work in the short term. In the long term though, it always becomes apparent, that through our vulnerability, we’re only ever placing another person in a position of power over us.
Further to this, if we’re needy because of illness this illness only acts as confirmation of the belief: “I am powerless.” In actual fact, it might well be our powerlessness, that’s the root to our illness in the first place! It’s a chicken or the egg scenario. In which case, we might want to ask: “Where and when was my power taken from me?”
“It is human nature to lust for power, and if you’re unable to retain yours, it will effortlessly be taken from you”
The ego desires power, it lusts for it. Knowing and accepting this puts you in a position of control. No, not control over others, just control over yourself. Take mental illness for example. Much of the root cause of mental illness is the continued ignorance of the sufferer. Honest, useful and empowering information, is part of the cure. This is something I believe.
For example, if depressed, it might not seem immediately useful and empowering to be asked: “So Johnny boy, how are you doing your depression exactly?” In the first instance you might want to punch that person in the face. Potentially, if just for a moment during the punching, you might well be cured of your depression. Who ever said boxing, or just a good old punch-up, didn’t have its uses?
On a more seriousness note
When our power is handed back, through someone actually telling us how it is, (yes depression is created by the person suffering with it because it’s buying them something) this is true empowerment. The tools for how we change depression, once we’ve accepted why and how we’re creating it, are another matter.
This is where the ‘put-up-and-shut-up’ attitude no longer lives. When approaching the professional nowadays, it’s very unlikely you’ll be told to just take an aspirin, and to then simply hope for the best. There are tools (rather than wretched drugs) at our disposal, that can help us to understand, how to stay well and clear of limiting conditions.
With this in mind we do all face a slight dilemma. When depressed, getting up and doing something about it, can feel like the equivalent to climbing a mountain. It’s a catch twenty two situation. We don’t want to feel the way we do, but don’t have the first clue, as to how we go about changing it.
“Ultimately it comes down to choice. We either carry on living a half life or we decide to climb that mountain. It’s a decision”
Seeking the necessary information is a decision. Accepting that there’s some work ahead is also a decision. We must reach the point where we’re prepared to accept this reality: “it’s only me that can fix this.” Once accepted we’re able to get out there and find the information required.
Much of mental illness is often cured through the individual changing their attitude and viewpoints to life. Often there needs to be a shift in the kind of philosophies we believe and adhere to. Our expectations, and what we believe life should be, needs a good shake.
Let’s for a moment, imagine depression as being similar to a meal devoid of that all important, pinch of salt. Many depressed are this way, because they themselves are leaving the salt off, believing life (or someone else,) should have already put it there for them. It’s an attitude of entitlement. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.
Unless we look and then bend down to pick up that container of salt from the bottom shelf, where we least expected to find it, we’ll continue to experience life as the bland meal we’re currently tasting.
One to One
I originally set out writing this post as a means of welcoming in one to one appointments. It’s clear to me now though, after sharing my thoughts, that this isn’t the way forward for me at all.
Moving forward often involves shedding the past. I’ve already served my apprenticeship – as a Personal Development Specialist – through the years I spent as an Analytical Hypnotherapist. Personal Development, as opposed to therapy, is partly about the power of group dynamics. Think of this: how is it possible to retain the mental illness of anxiety and depression, when surrounded by people, passionate about life?
“True empowerment comes as a result of finding the driving force behind it: LOVE”
If you’d like to experience me and the rest of The Freedman College Team, you will need to climb, this little mountain.
How do we gain this from each other? How do we get people to be attentive to our needs? Do we shout? Are we quiet? Both extremes can gain us attention can’t they? Perhaps we need controversy. Are we inclined to say provocative things? Are we antisocial, antagonistic or spiteful?
Think of the extroverts, they’re certainly attention seekers. Wild dress, or no dress at all! It gets them what they seek. All in all, on one level or another, we’re all playing some kind of game in order to gain the attention of others. We all want to feel less alone. More attention equals less alone.
“What, on the other hand, if you shun this and want time alone?”
Over the years I’ve known plenty of people who’re extremely adept at getting people to reject them. The ways in which rejection is achieved are myriad, and far too complicated, for this particular post. It’s true to say though, being alone, isn’t actually something many people seek. The majority of us are looking for the opposite of alone.
And so attention seeking is the norm. To understand the methods we use to seek it, we only need take our minds back to childhood, for a moment. Indeed, in this respect, it could be said that’s all we continue to do throughout the majority of our lives: seek the attention of parents. What we are actually seeking is love. As touched on in previous posts, love, is something slightly lacking at this time.
“Has the balance between love and fear tipped toward the negative and become the overriding driver?”
An abundance of love, found from within ourselves, would potentially stop the constant need to seek the attention of others. Would the unconscious need to seek love and attention from parents, be less prevalent, if we’d received it in abundance, when young?
“Children, with attentive parents, are less likely to grow into adults who seek it in a negative fashion”
Attention seeking adults are currently creating havoc in the world today. We could say this has always been the case. We could even say, the numerous and atrocious activities of violent people from our past, were just the activities of the unconscious seeking approval and attention from neglectful parents.
How would things be, if the human mind and its concept of love, were better understood? If there existed an authoritative rule book on parenting – that parents or future parents felt obliged to follow – would there then be less unrest in the world today?
One thing’s for sure, if we all stopped using such negative means, for gaining each others love, things would be a little quieter right now. How would it be if we all gained this through gently asking each other, about, each other? Would I have you then? It seems most want this through upset, anger, and controversy though don’t they?
They want anger and upset to do the trick. They’d rather this, than any fascination we might hold for their loves, lives, passions, successes, and yes, even their failures. Why is this? What’s happened to the gentle humankind? What’s happened to the interest we used to show for each other? How is it we’ve become so locked up within ourselves?
Would you like to tell me about yourself? What’s happening for you today? Can you believe in a genuine interest? Can you display the necessary confidence to be genuinely interested in another?
It’s often cited by successful people, that their success, can be directly attributed to a ‘right place, right time’ kind of scenario. In other words, they got lucky. It is in fact horseshit to claim it was all down to luck.
The Reality is Empowering
How would it be if we didn’t wait for luck but just created a right time and right place scenario instead? Or how about we looked to gain the ability to spot opportunity when it presents itself? In reality this is more likely the situation with success, plus of course, that necessary small slice of luck. There must be a degree of talent, mixed up with that luck, for a winning formula to come about.
Opportunity is Here
Now, it might not seem like an immediately obvious fact, yet taking a glance at beliefs, can help us in several ways. Firstly, the ability to spot opportunity is often hampered by mentality and attitude to life. Secondly, questioning the very things we believe about ourselves, opportunity and indeed luck itself, will help remove any psychological blocks we may have to welcoming in these necessary elements. In addition to this, nurturing our natural talents, is far easier, once we understand how our minds, can unwittingly, lead us in completely the wrong direction.
Good At Something
There is something you’re good at. You may not know it yet and it may be that your natural talents are being hampered through lack of self-belief. With our powerful imaginations we can easily perceive something, but we must also be able to believe it, before we’re able to achieve it. Perceive it, Believe it, Achieve it.
You might now be wondering: what am I good at? You might be thinking that any natural abilities you do have aren’t good enough. Right now they might not be. The point to bear in mind here is, natural talent must be nurtured, and its negative, self-limiting beliefs, that are often holding it back.
Simply saying to yourself: “I’ll never be good enough” is actually enough to ensure you never will be. ‘Never good enough’ is in fact a belief. How do you know you’ll never be good enough? Who told you that? What situation caused you to establish that belief? Was it because you found it difficult or fell at that first hurdle? Don’t believe either your own mind, or the horseshit spouted by people who’ve already made it. There’s a likelihood they see you as becoming competition and would rather you stayed put! Dedication and passion are needed.
Dedication and passion are fostered and enforced through positive self-belief. The mind that says: “yes, even though this is difficult, in time, I will achieve.” It’s often surprising what people end up doing through self-belief, dedication and passion. Firstly removing those thoughts, (beliefs) that hamper our potential and success, is essential.
Attendance on one of our weekend workshops will show you the way forward. Your application form is here.
“Having just spent the last half-hell-hour with an extremely highly-strung person, I thought it prudent, to write about it”
I didn’t plan on writing today, however, due to the therapeutic benefits of writing, here goes. I’m going to break down the nature of ‘highly-strung’ a little, as this might be of benefit, to all of us.
If you suspect you’re of a highly strung nature, you might find it hard to give this your full attention, or even believe you have time for it. So the advice would be: chill out a little, as the following might actually award you some time, by helping you live longer.
Now, it’s not that I’d describe myself as a particularly overly chilled-out kind of person, (you know the sort: dopey, doesn’t give a shit, acting stoned) yet I do find being with highly-strung people, quite stressful.
“To help explain, I’m going to share something with you: I have high frequency deafness”
In relation to deafness, and because it’s happening right now, I’m going to compare the company of highly-strung people, with listening to seagulls. In this moment as I write, I can hear the very unpleasant screeching of seagulls (I have my hearing aids in) but interestingly enough, in the background, there’s the rather melodic cooing sound of a wood pigeon.
“I’m the wood pigeon and my highly strung nemesis is the seagull”
I hear wood pigeons without wearing my hearing aids (lower frequency sound) and only hear seagulls when they’re fitted. You might now ask: “Why don’t you just take your hearing aids out, or switch them off, if you don’t want to hear seagulls?” And I would answer: ‘I just fucking have!’
Anyway, the only reason I’ve been wearing my hearing aids this morning, is because I’ve needed to hear people. Sometimes the aids make that easier. Often, hearing less – of the general screeching of life – would be favourable, by just leaving them out.
Alternative View: The Disease Cures You
With that in mind, what is the alternative view of my deafness? That’s right, escape! Life without hearing aids is often a little gentler and less stressful. Most, it would seem, are living their lives on a slightly different frequency to me: a much higher one!
It’s my belief, that if we rounded off the corners, and reduced all the sharpness of life, things would be slightly more pleasant. Running around doing everything at high speed is ultimately pointless. Most of us are looking to cram far too much in. We’ve no time for this or that because we’re too busy doing the other. The thing to consider here is this: Being so busy doing the other is potentially as much a means of escape, as my deafness.
“My deafness helps me escape the manic madness of it all, and the manic madness, helps others escape their unfortunate realities”
The reality faced by a highly-strung person, looked at objectively, isn’t a very pleasant one. They’re in a place of fear. People might say to me: “Gosh how unfortunate you are to have a disability.” I would respond by saying we all have our disabilities but most remain oblivious to them. They remain oblivious to their fear and how they’re dealing with it.
For example, the highly strung person I spent time with this morning, is in a place of fear. She’s recently been promoted to a position that way exceeds her resources. Because of this, she uses her ability to act manic and highly-strung (around calm people) in order to try and intimidate them. In actual fact it’s the method she uses to bully people. Bully those who aren’t aware of her fear that is.
So even though it’s sometimes a method used for intimidation; fearful, highly-strung behaviour, is definitely a disability. Coming back to my point about time, I have as much of this as I need, in order to help people understand their behaviour. Once we have the correct point of view, time is a companion, walking alongside us.
So to sum up, highly-strung, is highly wasteful. Those who take speed or cocaine are looking to change their perception of time. They want to chemically alter their conscious perceptions. The alternative, to being inside our heads in this way, is to see ourselves objectively. This enables us to alter things without the need for drugs or manic behaviour.
“Self-obsessed differs greatly to self-possessed”
The highly-strung need to take charge. If not, they’ll continue to waste their lives, perceiving very little. Chill Out Man. Stop screeching like a seagull. Be the wood pigeon I hear so clearly.
If you’d like to know more – about how to know more about you – Contact Us.
“I’ve spent the last few hours sitting high above the river Dart”
There’s a little bench situated at the top of a lane called ‘Jawbones’ (don’t ask I’ve no idea). It’s a bit of a climb but worth the view once you’re there. So lovely is the view, that you can easily while away several hours, pondering, and watching all the comings and goings on the river. It’s a nice thing to do.
There are always numerous yachts and pleasure cruisers moving up and down the river. The old fashioned ‘lower ferry’s’ are interesting to watch. There are two of them, each being pulled across the river by little tugboats. When watching them, I often wonder how it is those little boats aren’t pulled apart, by the forces of the tide and weight of the ferry. They work so hard: pulling and pushing their cargo. They’re very strong and persistent those little tugboats.
Alongside the river runs a heritage railway with its beautiful steam trains running frequently. You hear their whistles from time to time; with its very distinctive sound, there’s even an american locomotive here at the moment. Suffice to say, it’s all very quaint and pretty; set up nicely for the tourists.
I’m not a tourist. I live here. Seeing that view still holds its fascination, yet like most things, if you stare at it long enough, it becomes just that: a view. Seen for the first time it’s extraordinary, less so, once you’ve seen it a few times.
“Many things in life are like this aren’t they?”
Be it the journey to work, the job itself, or dare I say it, a relationship or marriage. We get tired of the repetition: of doing the same things over and over again. So much so, that most of what we do, starts to become automatic and unnoticed.
For example, whilst sitting on my bench at the top of ‘Jawbones’ (yes really) a few people strolled past, saying their hellos and good morning’s, and I’m sure they weren’t even noticing the view. Heads down, only looking up as they noticed me. . . sitting. Perhaps they wanted my bench, only walking on, because it was already taken. Tough luck, I was here first.
Anyway, I think you get it. When we do things repetitively we can become a little dumbed-down by it all. To some extent we can’t avoid this, however, we can seek out ways to limit it. We must make sure we introduce some variety and challenge into our lives.
Spontaneity is a beautiful word and a beautiful thing when introduced into life. With hindsight, I feel choosing a random thing to do, with the last few hours of my life, would have been favourable. And with that now said, after I’m finished here, I’m off to the beach for a swim. It’s certainly a random and more interesting thing to do than sitting on a bench.
So to the point. If you find yourself grinding your jawbones (get it) with the sameness of things, apply a little spontaneity, and randomness to your life. It’ll make all the difference.
Would you like to become more spontaneous through opening up your choices? Then stop being a tugboat. Contact Us.
“On a rest break from cycling yesterday a gentleman approached me and asked me if I was local”
“Well I’m originally from a long way north of here” I replied
“Oh, only how do you cope with riding around here with all the hills? I’ve just recently moved into the area, the other side of the river as a matter of fact, and bought myself a lovely new bike. Because it’s so hilly I’ve only ridden it a few times. Do you know of any routes without hills?”
“Routes without hills, hmm, that’s a tricky one.”
Since the encounter I have thought of a snappy retort: “Have you though about a fucking velodrome mate?” It’s perhaps not in my true nature to be quite so sarcastic, and yet, it did seem a slightly silly question.
The thing is, it’s the hills that make cycling so much fun. Yes it’s tough climbing them (especially at 20%), however, once at the top, racing down the other side is exhilarating.
Losing weight and getting fit can obviously be achieved on the flat, or in a velodrome for that matter, but there does need to be more to it than that. Experiencing the great outdoors and feeling that sense of achievement when, having struggled up hills for some months, you now find the process easier, must be part of the whole experience. I told my enquiring gentleman to stick with it.
“We can view many things in this light”
If life as a whole were to be a boring ride around a velodrome, or even worse, a continuous easy glide downhill, it really wouldn’t be worth living. We must have the rough with the smooth; the ups and the downs etc. Without challenge, life would be a bit of a meaningless drudge.
It brings to mind those individuals who seem to think that life shouldn’t involve any kind of challenge; in particular emotions that feel painful or difficult to shrug off.
It also brings to mind the thousands of antidepressants prescribed to children in the UK (and no doubt many other countries) simply because the child doesn’t know how to take charge of their mind and emotions.
“No one is teaching them how. Is it not a form of abuse, to neglect a child in such a way, only to then visit a doctor who prescribes pills? Just a thought”
Perhaps parents don’t have the time to deal with children and their unruly emotions? If parents don’t have time for this, why are they having children, in the first place? Oh, I suppose it’s living the velodrome mentality: everything should be like riding on the flat: fast and easy. A brave new world. Tut, tut, so sarcastic!
We could ask: “Why shouldn’t life be an easy journey with no ups and downs? Why does it need to be a challenge?” In answer, all we need do is imagine the brain of a lion trapped in a cage. Imagine it pacing up and down, backwards and forwards, caged in one of those zoo’s we seem so fond of.
Eventually the lion starts to become unwell, fur falling out, chewing it’s paws just to feel something. If the animal is caged for long enough it will become so unfit and unwell it will die. Parrots are also renowned to be very intelligent creatures who would go the same why without stimulation. Perhaps the answer is to put these animals on antidepressants? No? No. Ridiculous isn’t it. So how is it we think it’s sensible to put a child on them?
“In the greatest sense we are all still animals”
Those losing touch with their humanity are done for. We are fairly advanced creatures. We do need to train ourselves into how to control our wayward minds. That needs to start from a young age.
A child who doesn’t enjoy cycling up a hill, and only enjoys the rush of freewheeling down one, is the child neglected. We must point out to our children that our humanity dictates the necessity of balance. There is no balance when all we want is pleasure and no discomfort.
“Even though this is the case our discomfort can be in the form of our choosing”
For example, working down a mine for twelve hours a day was a discomfort not necessarily of our choosing. Now we have advanced sufficiently we’re able to steer away from this kind of suffering into challenges that are life enhancing. And there is the key. We must show our children that challenges are not about suffering but are simply things to overcome. A necessity to fully living life.
Eventually we reach the top of the hill and realise the climb wasn’t that bad after all. Believe it or not, challenging ourselves in this way, is actually the easiest route of all. Reading this will help you understand.
It can seem the hardest thing in the world to understand that life is about giving and not having. If you know of a depressed child, would helping them understand the principles here, help them?
So many people dream of having different lives. We know what we want, yet seem limited by forces unknown. Feeling these unknown forces (perhaps in the form of frustration, anger or despair) simply means we’ve reached the limits of our resources.
“The most valuable life skill of all is that of thinking. It is the way in which we think, that decides the kind of life, we experience”
The ability to change our internal environment (how we think), about any given situation, awards us the ability to change our external experience. Let’s use the example of a business facing staff relationship difficulties.
Relationship difficulties within companies are often the result of poor management. The relationships between staff members often needs to be managed. If the managers themselves lack sufficient resources, in terms of how they relate to people, this will be reflected through the business as a whole.
Now, the manager in our example is a woman who believes men are idiots. The reasons for this are in some ways complicated, yet in others, very simple. The complication is why she believes this, and yet, the easy solution lies in how. In other words, all our manager needs to ask herself is: how am I creating this problem with my staff? At this moment in time there’s no need for us to complicate things by looking to understand the psychology of why. From time to time we all face self-imposed difficulties. The quick solution is all we need right now. This is found by asking: How? The how is simple.
This is How
“The manager in our example only shares the minimum of information with her staff”
Communication is the main issue. When teaching her staff she omits lots of detail. Because of this they make lot’s of mistakes. Once the mistakes are made, she’s then able to firmly place the blame on others and announce to herself: this is happening because all men are idiots. The manager is simply fulfilling a belief – that becomes fact – through her inability to objectively see what she’s doing.
A Simple Thinking Tool
The simple thinking tool of asking ourselves: how am I creating this problem? is powerful in several ways. Firstly, when we see the faulty generalisation of our beliefs, and how we’re fulfilling them, we’re then able to change. Secondly, and potentially the most difficult element to this, is we’re able to take ownership of the problem. It is us that creates our own difficulties. Even though this is the case, if we’ve reached the limit of our resources, change is impossible. Our manager is unable to change until she’s able to see her behaviour objectively. This is where development courses come into play.
Once the manager in our example is made aware of the error in her thinking – so she may improve her communication skills – her business will begin to thrive. Her staff will be happier, feeling increasingly competent in their duties, and she will begin to feel less stress and confusion.
Our Personal Development Weekend Courses are beliefs and relationships focused for very good reason. The valuable life-skills-resource of improved thinking turns dreams into reality. In addition to this, improving how we think, removes the negative emotions that keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns.
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