No Need for Approval?

Why Do We Seek Approval?

Most of us are looking to fit in, to be accepted and approved of, aren’t we? The ways in which we seek this are many. And it begs the question: Why?

Even the supposed ‘outsiders’ are seeking approval from others; still belonging to a group, even when looking to be different. They just become members of a group of ‘different’ people. A true outsider, without any need for approval, would be considered alien. A true outsider – who walked amongst us – wouldn’t actually be human.

Coming back to the question of why, once asked, we can easily see that approval is important to us because of our ego driven lives. You only need look at modern TV shows to see striking evidence of the popularity of ego driven approval. Consider Master Chef or similar cooking programs. Once the cook has presented their food to the judges for tasting, we then go through the rigmarole of their food either being praised, or criticised. We love it when the judges praise and praise the beautiful tastes and exquisite blends of flavours don’t we? Oh do they feed or slam the ego’s of those people! It’s sometimes painful to watch. It is addictive programming though.

Approval gives us a good feeling. We feel included and well… approved of!

This ‘feel-good-factor’ does hark back to childhood when we had parents, carers and teachers, tell us how good we were a particular thing; congratulated for creating or sharing, and sometimes for how well we knocked something down, only so we could build it up again. We felt loved and included when we were approved of.

Some will seek this approval all their lives, however, for most, it tends to diminish with age. As we grow older, we become increasingly confident; ever more self-assured. In a way, it’s another one of those things that separates the young, from the old. The young often compensate for this with bravado, arrogance and simple pretence.

When we begin to lose the need for approval our individualism really starts to take hold

Speeding up this process obviously has its advantages. Recognising and understanding approval – as the ego’s need to feel loved and accepted – helps us with this. One thing it’s important to bear in mind though, if we don’t seek the approval of others, our food might actually taste really bad!

Cook musician, writer or gangster, when seeking feedback, for how well you’ve done, it need only be about inclusion. We don’t need to bolster the ego, in such a way it makes the observer cringe, with embarrassment. Save your arrogance and bravado too. If your food – or whatever you do – isn’t up to standard, people will simply not love it enough, to return for more. All the judges need say is: “I love it, can I have some more please?”

Want some more? Contact Us.

Reaching for Ideals

Ideal:

noun

  1. a conception of something in its perfection.
  2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
  3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception, or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.

Should we seek the ideal? Is being an idealist different to being a perfectionist? The English dictionary defines the idealist as this:

  • Someone who believes that very good things can be achieved often when this does not seem likely to others.

We’re told that perfectionism is a negative

We’re told that wanting perfection, and only settling for this, is something to be avoided. If we believe there’s no such thing as perfect, yet at the same time seek it, we’re certainly going to be wasting a lot of energy.

Alternatively, when we understand perfection – as simply an ideal to strive for – we’re able to achieve our best in any given moment of time. Our efforts may not have been perfect, yet we can be comfortable in the knowledge, we did our best. In this respect we must have a ‘benchmark’ to reach for. There must always be a gold standard.

So whether we like it or not, perfection, is always going to be something strived for. The perfect body, the perfect house, life, car, job, child, marriage, we could go on. The downside of this, will be the negative feelings we’re left with, when we inevitably fall short. We’ll feel frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled when we fail to reach perfection. Eventually we may give up altogether.

With this in mind, only reaching for the ideal, is the objective

Being the best we can be without achieving perfection is the plan. After all, to be perfect would leave us with nowhere else to go; a very dangerous situation indeed. And so in this respect, it’s very sensible for us to see perfection, as unachievable. Thankfully there will always be better to strive for. Seeing this for what it is, gives us room to work harder, even when we know we’ve done our very best.

It’s the knowledge that there is always more that keeps humans striving to move forward. We can always do better. There is always more. A very reassuring fact. This brings me on to the key understanding we must strive for.

At The Freedman College we believe it makes perfect sense for us to be striving for a better understanding of one key element in our lives.

“When we focus our attention on this one key element all other things are found”

If we come back to the examples given of what we seek perfection in for a moment (be it lives, bodies, marriages or houses), all of these things are easily achieved, when we have a clear understanding of this key element. Here it is: The Ideal of Love.

Once we cease – in our misunderstandings and misinterpretations of love – we will stop striving for an unachievable ideal. Because we’re confused about love, we don’t actually know, what we are in fact striving for. For example, we’re told that love is many things. The nonsense of this definition is the very thing causing confusion. If we don’t even know what it is, how can we strive to find it?

When young we often think we’re in love

We confuse the feelings we may have for someone as love. We may feel that we need someone, or that we feel lost without them; that we pander for them, or pine for their attention. We mistake lust and infatuation for love. We must make ourselves aware: Emotions of craving have nothing to do with love. Further to this, we mistake many aspects of fear, for love. We think because we fear losing them that we must love them. Fear of loss is fear of pain. Love is completely devoid of this.

We really only need ask ourselves one thing to know whether we’re in love or not. Here it is: Do I want to empower this person? The true emotion of love is something we’re awarded when we witness the freedom of our loved ones. Anything other than this will never be love and only a poor imitation and illusion of it. 

“To know if our version of love is reciprocal, all we need do, is turn the question around like this: Is this person empowering me?”  

At this stage be sure to have a clear understanding of the word empower. It is not empowerment to need a person and neither is it empowerment to give yourself up to another. Empowerment is when we’re able to lift a person to be a free individual standing on their own two feet who is the best version of themselves they can possibly be at that moment in time.

At the same time – as your empowerment of them – this power sets you free. The more people who have a clear understanding of this the better.

Here is the definition of an ideal love that we believe to be A Basic Human Right:

“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”

Create Beautiful Partnerships

Wholeness is a calm acceptance of this version of love and that of yourself as a near perfect example of a human being.

Strive for this ideal and all other things will come.

Who or What is God?

Who or What is God?

We can never know the answer to that question

The thing about God is we can neither prove nor disprove His existence. You might think this convenient for those who believe in Him. Perhaps you’d be right with that. For those who do believe in God The Creator, all they need do, is look around and see proof of His existence, everywhere. The belief is sufficient for them to totally negate the realities of evolutionary processes.

And then we have the dilemma of who started that process. Who’s to say it wasn’t God, who planted that first seed, triggering what resulted from a few amino acids, some billions of years ago. To some it’s simply a game of numbers: enough suns with exoplanets, mixed with a lot of heat, chemicals etc., and eventually you’ll get life. But who’s to say it wasn’t a being of higher consciousness, that created the gases and chemicals, that made all the suns to begin with. We could go on forever with that argument, couldn’t we?

The Believers

At the end of the day beliefs are all it comes down to. Beliefs will always be blind to evidence for or against. Think of the web of beliefs, relating to God or Gods, that have been created by man. Over thousands of years they’ve been constructed as a means of explaining the unexplainable: who we are, why we’re here and so on.

“Beliefs are a means of explaining but also a means of shifting responsibility. A means of empowering some, and at the same time, disempowering others”

Think of those who believe that God is in some way responsible for their suffering. They say: “I’m suffering and this is God’s will.” In other words they’re saying: “I have no choice.” To believe that a higher force has control over what happens to us during our lives, is defeatist for some, and empowering for others. Those who are in control of the rules, the religious leaders, live off the back of these kinds of beliefs. It’s useful, for these particular human beings, for their subjects to feel they have no choice; that it’s God’s will no matter what’s happening to them.

On the positives of beliefs in God

Think of those who believe they are in some way chosen; that their good fortune can be attributed to the grace of God. Such people have been hated all through history. To make such a claim no doubt causes the claimant to stick out somewhat. A bit like the proverbial sore thumb hit with a hammer wouldn’t you say? They feel they’re looked on favourably by God. The advantage to this is, if you actually believe it, then you will be. Your mind has reason to believe that you will have a blessed and fortunate life. It is God’s will that you should prosper. Perhaps we should all have some of that!

Just yesterday I became engaged in conversation with a fellow blogger. Obviously a very intelligent young man who, even after some well placed argument, still insisted that God is responsible for suffering. I told him how I understood suffering to be a choice. How suffering has been devised by man for the control of other men.

For example, if we lock a man in a cell, and because isolation is against the instincts of man, he will suffer. However, if he trains his mind sufficiently, he can actually adjust to his isolation. He can begin to accept and potentially even enjoy it. But until this is the case, he’s at the mercy of his captors; totally under their control. Ask yourself this: Is a homeless man, who has adjusted to life on the streets, free or as trapped as we are? The average man has many, many chains, to bind him.

It is always a choice as to whether we suffer or not.

To my fellow blogger I also mentioned the flip side of all this. How those who suffer are teaching guilt. How they’re telling the rest of us: “I am suffering, so you must help me.” Their suffering is buying them something. It’s getting them a level of control over the people who surround them. Much in the same way a child will gain attention from its carers when in pain.

The child will learn that pain gets attention. Occasionally such a child will grow to adopt the “I’m suffering” angle as an adult. They do this in order to gain the illusion of power over others. To gain power over a system. It is of course a nonsense and an illusion; a fragile one at that. What the sufferer doesn’t realise is, their choice to behave in such a way, is to behave as a child all their life; so very wasteful wouldn’t you say? To waste a life. To then claim, their suffering is God’s will, is just another means of not taking personal responsibility. “It’s not my fault” they say.

I told my fellow blogger the tale of man I once new whose wife had died unexpectedly young. All this widowed man did was mope and moan. He suffered for years in his grief. I told him about choice and he shouted: “Oh, so I chose for my wife to die?!” I said: ‘No but you are choosing to maintain your suffering.’ He didn’t thank me, that’s for sure, and yet probably changed at a later date.

A Childish Concept

When we take a step back and consider the kind of things said, relating to God, we can see them as a construct from the childish human mind. The idea of prayer. An afterlife (there is one of sorts, think of the lifespan of an atom, it’s a very, very long time). Virgin births without medical explanation; that our destiny is out of our hands. Remember, many of these beliefs only suit those in power. Religions keep us in our place. Religions keep us powerless and subservient to the antiquated beliefs, that are serving to maintain the easy lives, of the powerful. Royalty and religious leaders live of the back of our continued ignorance.

“All in all, to think we can have any idea – of the what and who of God – is an absurdity”

Staying with childish thoughts for a moment. If there was a higher being, able to create the universe and everything within it, how could we, with our level of consciousness, ever possibly understand this. With our minds, as they currently are, we can only just touch on the realities of what surrounds us. We are simply not conscious enough to properly conceive of a consciousness that could create all that we see. At the present time we can only guess, with our childish notions, of what this is really all about.

One thing we can conceive of is time. We have a small sense of its passing. The universe is old, very old, and it’s true to say, a lot can be achieved if you have enough time. Perhaps that’s all we’re really dealing with. After all, there are very good odds of extraordinary things happening, when given enough time. Time is all we have. Be the master of your own destiny. Contact Us.

Philosophers and Game Changers

“There have been many Philosophers over the years who’ve cited that everything is simply a game. In some respects this can be useful, and in others, not so”

One advantage to seeing the behaviour of others as gameplay is that we’re able to think strategically. That is to say, we not only seek out a means of playing the game on their terms, we also look to play this game, to win.

“All of this changes though, when the game becomes abusive. Just as with a game of football, when things become abusive, red cards are shown, and players sent off”

If we intend, on seeing the actions of others as simply a game, we must know when to draw the line. In other words, when the gameplay becomes abusive, it’s time to show your opponent the red card. It’s time to cast them from your life.

Perhaps casting someone from your life isn’t practical, they might be a work colleague for example, so when this is the case, seeking out new employment might be necessary. If this isn’t an option there’s always murder. It must be brought to mind though, there aren’t many who get away with this. Unless you’re a government representative, or a member of some other untouchable organisation (of which there are many), murder is probably best avoided.

“So when murder or new employment aren’t options, firm boundaries and as much silence as is practicable, are a potential solution”

In an earlier post entitled How To Defend The Empath I spoke of the necessity of becoming emotionally detached. Manipulative game players are only able to get under our skin, so to speak, through tapping into our emotions. Developing thicker skins, and not being drawn into emotionally abusive gameplay, is key. Learning how to do this can take time. However, just as other Philosophers will tell you, time, is in fact, all we have.

When you feel so inclined be free to take some time and explore the many posts on this site. I hope you find the inspiration to move forward in your life. If time is of great value to you, remember there is always the option of experiencing us – The Freedman College team – first hand. Until we meet. Thanks for giving the only thing you have.

Andrew Freedman א

Human Beings

“Are we doing what we do because we like human beings? Sometimes we think: what is there to like?”

If we were an advanced form of robot, like those depicted in the video, would there be much to like about a biological lifeform such as humans? I ask this because of the brutality of biology. When we take a step back and consider all that biological life entails – and how we seem to manage and make our way through it – it does beg the question: how? How do we cope with knowing what we do about inequality, suffering and pain? How do we cope with being conscious of these things. How do we cope with knowing the true vile nature of humans.

Some say we cope, being conscious of life, by going slowly insane. Others say we cope with the horrors mother nature inflicts on us, through being far less conscious, than we think we actually are. If mothers, didn’t forget the brutality of natural birth, for example, they’d never have more babies. If potential mothers were truly aware of the brutality of childbirth would they ever have children at all? Of course they would. Instinct is far more powerful than consciousness.

In contrast to this, when our consciousness becomes more powerful than instinct, we have far more choices and options. The question is though, how many of us actually have a consciousness more powerful than our instilled instincts? I would hasten to say, not many at all.

“What we do have, is varying degrees of consciousness, and it’s this that decides the level of control, we have over our destiny”

Coming back to my initial thoughts: are we doing what we do because we like humans? The immediate answer is what we’re taught to believe i.e. if you don’t love yourself you can’t possibly love another. So what happens if you love yourself but still struggle to see the love and goodness in other humans? Should you look to instil love, as you understand it, in others, or just give up on them?

The thinking could be that we can’t wait for humans to lose their biological form, and all the negatives of human nature that comes with it: the vile gameplay that comes with inadequacy and fear – as just one example. At times, we all despair and think:

“Why would I want such a lifeform to make it further than they have? Why would I want such a destructive and harmful creature to survive? Other things will evolve.”

But who’s to say the next lifeform to evolve, into gaining consciousness, will be any less vile/violent than us? The chances are, any lifeform that does manage to better us, would be even worse. Think about the nature of all life on earth, how everything is feeding of everything else. It’s a violent place.

“Ultimate, we must remember, the antidotes to these thoughts, are to understand the violent nature of the universe itself”

Humans are a product of this. As such, perhaps it’s reaching a stage, where we’re able to tame ourselves sufficiently – through raising our awareness – that’ll facilitate the kind of programming advanced robots will require.

For the human animal, to evolve beyond its current biological form, it will obviously need to advance its thinking. AI robots programmed with current human behaviour and thinking, are likely to be just as conflicted and doomed, as we are. We do need to advance much further in our current form.

With this in mind, perhaps what’s important, is to keep the end goal in sight. In other words, it’s not the current humans that matter, it’s what they might become that does. With your help that is. Contact Us.

The Most Important Relationship

A gentleman recently told me he thought he was too independent. On reflection, I heard that to mean, he doesn’t need anyone. A rare thing indeed. When I asked him: ‘Was there any such thing as too independent?’ he replied: “I’m no-one’s prisoner, that’s for sure.”

“I’m ‘no-one’s prisoner’ came across as a curious statement at the time; it made an impression I suppose”

In some respects taking the time to think about what people say is a useful habit. The position I’m in dictates the need for this habit. It’s the analyst in me. Many of us benefit from this kind of hindsight, and yet, I believe even more of us would benefit from it’s opposite. That of foresight. In particular the kind of foresight that would bring the answer to this sort of question:

“What is the likely outcome of what I’m about to say or do?”

It seems at the moment a lot of people, even respected people, are opening their mouths (or twittering their tweets) well before they’ve actually considered the likely effects and consequences. An expensive error. In fact, in my previous post, I mentioned the worthlessness of opinion, but recent events have made us aware of how expensive,  some people’s opinions can prove to be. The more you’re worth, in this world, the more valuable your opinion. This is the case, even though wealth, often has very little to do with emotional maturity, or intelligence. A bit topsy-turvy in my humble opinion.

Anyway, to the point. The gentleman who told me he was ‘no-one’s prisoner’ was right of course. It’s what he feels and believes. The thing is though, he will always be a prisoner of sorts: a prisoner to himself. We’re all prisoners to ourselves to a greater or lesser degree.

“The use of the term itself implies some kind of unseen metaphor to his life”

He also told me how, once there was no love left in his relationship, he’d simply left his wife. I imagine, if we looked deeper into his life, we would see many examples of where he’s continued to imprison himself with the belief ‘too independent.’ The belief comes first. As such, it could be said the belief ‘too independent’ was the cause of his marriage breakdown, rather than the reasoning.

It seems strange to suggest we could imprison ourselves, through believing we’re too independent, however, isn’t isolation just another form of it? The man in question lives alone, alone, alone. The other thing to consider, is how our gentleman in question, potentially associates being in a relationship with being imprisoned. Beautiful partnerships and healthy relationships set us free. Provided we understand how to believe in this, thus achieve it, that is.

“We imprison ourselves with our beliefs”

Imagine the minds flaw as such: We are imprisoned within a castle and our beliefs are the walls. The solution of lowering the drawbridge – creating a gap in the walls – is accomplished through raising our awareness.

Raised awareness awards us foresight. The ability to think before we speak or act. Something to consider, before we do anything, is in what way our beliefs might be limiting us and our relationships. Not just the relationships we have with others, but also, the one we have with ourselves.

An Educational Workshop to raise your awareness. Contact Us.

How to be Extraordinary

“On reading the title of this post you might instantly assume it’ll be about all those marvellous people who achieve wondrous things”

From the world’s greatest sportspeople, to the those who’ve made groundbreaking discoveries, we know all about extraordinary. This post is not about any of them. It’s not about needing to practice something for hours, days and years, to become great. It’s not about the supper intelligence needed to understand the universe, no, none of those things. What it’s about, is how, in just a moment, you can become extraordinary. In a moment of thought to be exact.

Now, I wonder if you’ve ever taken a moment to look at reviews; book reviews in particular. Perhaps a silly question because we all do it don’t we? We buy through the power of approval. The more people approve of something the more likely we’ll buy it. If it’s buying from Amazon we scroll down to check out the reviews. If we’re buying off the shelf, we instantly turn the book over to read the blurb, and we open the cover to seek out the forward and reviews. We actually need this approval to help make our minds up. In fact, it’s often the case, that others make up our minds for us.

And so what I want to talk about is the people who write these reviews. I find it curious. How is it they feel the need to try and either bolster or shatter the ego of authors? How is it these people think they’re sufficiently qualified to give they’re opinions and judgements? What exactly do they think they know?

“The point being, in order to become extraordinary, we must abstain from giving opinion and judgement”

Allow me to explain.

Often when we give an opinion we do it unthinkingly. We’re not actually asking ourselves why we’re doing what we are. We’re not asking: What is the purpose of my words and actions? When we can understand, that our opinion is worthless, we understand something great. In the process we become extraordinary. Allow me to explain further.

Think of this. What if every book review stated this and this alone:

“I’ve read it now make your own mind up”

One thing’s for sure, we’re more likely to buy a book that had fifty statements, than one that had three. We obviously buy from the power of numbers. Does this go some way to explaining the worthlessness of opinion? It’s the numbers that matter, not the words.

“To become a truly extraordinary person, all you need do, is recognise an important fact”

When you’re one of the unthinking multitudes you’re nothing. Once you begin to ask yourself a few fundamental, simple questions, you become a true individual. In reality, there aren’t that many truly individual people about. As such, there’s lots of opportunity out there! Becoming extraordinary is the easiest thing in the world when you think of it. Here are those questions mentioned:

  1. What is my true purpose?
  2. Is what I’m about to say or do based on love or fear?

Before the second question finds its power, you will need to understand and recognise the difference between the motivation of love, or fear respectively. Try this one for example. ALL Amazon reviews, are based on fear. “What?!” I hear you say.

Here’s a clue. Writing a good review is driven by a need to bolster the authors ego through bolstering your own. You want people to read and value what you have to say about a good author. You’re doing it off the back of someone else’s work. That is fear driven. The (seeming) opposite of writing a bad review, is the need to damage the ego of the author, and bolster your own in the process. Also fear driven.

“Keeping opinions to yourself is driven by love because you’re allowing the potential readers to be individuals themselves”

When what you do and say is based on love the more considerate and extraordinary you’ll become. Through thinking and asking just two questions – then searching deeply – you’ll become extraordinary in an instant. Furthermore you could become a beautiful person, and that, is extraordinary!

You Only Have What You Give

Consider the warnings on cigarette packaging. If you glance inside a well stocked tobacco products cabinet nowadays, it’s like viewing a scene from a poor horror movie, or paying a visit to a very distressing hospital ward or mortuary. The question is, does this put smokers off? It might have an impact on those who don’t smoke, yet those who already have the habit, aren’t likely to care. They already play the ‘lung cancer lottery’ and many seem happy to do so. The advice on cigarette packaging is largely ignored.

“In some ways this has a lot to do with how the advice is dispensed”

Scare tactics might work for some, at least for a while, yet during my time as a Hypnotherapist, it was positive reinforcement, of the benefits to ceasing smoking, that seemed to hit the mark. In my experience, all aversion therapy tends to do, is reinforce the guilt potentially driving the habit in the first place. With that in mind, what are the horrors – portrayed on tobacco product packaging – doing to the observer, at an unconscious level? Guilt is self-destructive.

“Getting rid of guilt is a tricky business”

It’s an emotion instilled into the mind of the average human from a very early age. If we advise parents to show caution, in how they teach the kids, we must do this through reinforcing the benefits to well considered methods. The guilt free tend to live happier, healthier lives after all. And so, when needing to set boundaries, do we reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad? Not really, no. What we must do, is find a way to help children realise the benefits to good behaviour, and the limitations of bad. If we shout: “stop that it’s naughty” we teach guilt. If we ignore the bad but gently say: “if you share your toys with Johnny he’ll play nicely with you” we’re more likely to be on a winner.

In an ideal world, the key, is to never instill guilt to begin with. When it comes to removing established guilt, far better to say: “You have nothing to fear as you seek a beautiful, healthy life, as a non-smoker.”

In addition to how advice is dispensed, the reason for why it’s so often ignored, often comes down to disbelief. We just don’t believe the way someone else does things, could be better, than the way we’ve been taught. Also, it’s the confident and self-assured, who’re better at acknowledging the usefulness of clever advice. Contrary to this if we have a fragile ego, combined with a lack of confidence, advice can be seen as an attack and threat to an already shaky sense of self. Our behaviour becomes our identity, and to question that, questions who we are? An instilled doubt many can’t cope with. Who are you exactly?

“If we say who you are is actually something quite different to what you’ve been taught to believe, we put in doubt those things we hold dear: our identity”

When the guilty, fully realise how guilt is a destructive control-rod over their lives, they often turn things around. Gentle advice comes from a voice of compassion and love as opposed to fear and control. If you’re in the business, of advising people how to live better lives, remember it’s the guilty who teach guilt in the first place.

“Removing our own guilt is done through advising in a guilt free manner”

To be whiter than white is impossible, we learn from our mistakes. However, how we feel about the things we’ve done, is a choice. We must question what purpose feeling guilty about past errors actually serves.

Sometimes it’s serves us well to have an awareness of the past before we can move forward. If all we do is lock away negative feelings they’ll drive us in negative ways. Briefly opening up those wounds, and moments of regret, reminds us of who taught us the guilt. Was it a parent from within your own mind? Be a better parent to yourself and reinforce the good. Gently closing the wound now, having removed the irritant, from under the skin.

Some advice is designed to free the person giving it. After all, we only have, what we give. Be free.

Teach Me Passion – Award Me A Beautiful Life

“Prompted by an earlier conversation I feel it’s time to talk about passion once again”

How would a Buddhist describe his beautiful life? A Buddhist would no doubt go into talking about Buddhist philosophies and beliefs. He would assert that beauty is found through following his beliefs and philosophies. The Buddhists believe they have the answers. Because they believe this, they have.

I believe, when we take matters down to their grass roots, we’re awarded a much clearer understanding of things. At this level, we can see the reason why Buddhists believe they have beautiful lives. We clearly see it’s because of their passion for Buddhism. The same goes for anyone who’s successful in fully believing their own useful and positive beliefs and philosophies. And this is the case no matter what they may be. 

To further explain, let’s say we asked Elon Musk or Richard Branson whether their life was beautiful, and if so, how they’ve achieved it. It’s quite possible they’d also go into the realms of their beliefs and philosophies. Once again though, we can nail this on the head by recognising something very important about wealth and success: it’s passion that brings it.

“Whether Buddhist or businessman, happiness, and the prospect of living a beautiful life, comes as a byproduct of passion”

Both of the above examples highlight what lies at the root to happiness, wellbeing, and beauty. Never get strung up on the detail of why people are living beautiful lives. It’s all relative to their particular philosophies and beliefs, and they’ll no doubt be happy to fill you in, on all the details. The thing to remember is this: In the example of Buddhist, or wealthy businessman, both believe they’re living beautiful lives. And this is even though they live at opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

And so, it comes as no surprise to say, once you find a useful and positive philosophy to believe in – and be deeply passionate about – you’ll be on the path toward finding a beautiful life. It has nothing to do with status, wealth or standing, and has everything to do with passion.

“In whatever you choose to do with life, learn how to be passionate, about it”

This brings me neatly to a gentle reminder of what lies beneath passion. Oh yes. For just as with quantum mechanics, we’re also able to reduce human drivings down many levels. What lies beneath passion is love. Once you’ve learnt what love really is, you will effortlessly, Create, A Beautiful, Life.

Want to learn more? Contact Us     

How to Adore the Company of Children

“Let’s be honest, it doesn’t come naturally to all of us”

And even though we might not particularly enjoy children we may find ourselves with them. With this in mind, it is possible to learn how to adore them. You were one yourself after all.

I’m going to ask you some important questions now: Were you liked as a child? Did you get a sense of being loved? Did you feel the adults around you enjoyed your company?

These are interesting questions because it’s surprising how many children there are, who’s parents or carers, don’t particularly enjoy their company. In fact it’s often those parents who have made their children ‘mates’ that enjoy their company the most. The problem being, children need adults to be parents, not mates.

Mates don’t set boundaries, or teach children how to behave once mature. As adults we’re not actually here to make friends with our children, we’re here to raise them and set good example of how to be grown. There’s a big difference between mates and parents. If you need children to be your friends perhaps you should consider getting out more.

“So, even though we know appropriate boundaries dictate that children’s mates are other children, we can still adore their company as their parents or carers”

Children are extremely sensitive and will know if we’re enjoying being around them (as parents and carers) or not. In fact, when we get to the nitty-gritty of the situation, people who don’t enjoy children were often the ones not appreciated when they were small. Many of us have been taught to actually dislike our young through being disliked when young ourselves.

I myself was disliked. Children often find it hard to get the love and attention they crave from their parents. Bad behaviour is often resorted to when good behaviour just gets us ignored. As a means of getting attention from my parents, I’d often be very pessimistic and down, complaining about anything and everything. My father would call me ‘pessimistic Percy’ and yet I didn’t mind that so much; at least I was getting through, in some capacity. Getting on his nerves got me attention. Albeit the negative kind. As children that’s all we want and need: Our parents or carers love and attention. Hard for some to digest is it not?

“Rather a packet of crisps and something sugary while we drink our gin and tonic hey? Fucked up isn’t it?”

Here’s the key. To adore our children we must learn to enjoy their company. We must learn to enjoy their inquisitiveness; their seriousness at play; their beauty and innocence. When we acknowledge good behaviour we’re able to appreciate them at their very best: attentive to us and our positive love. To do this, we must learn to love the child within ourselves that wasn’t. Sound simple? It is.

You can learn more on an educational workshop. Here is the application form. See you soon.

Knowing The Self – What There Is To Gain

I feel this has a lot to do with confidence. This is to say, the better we know ourselves, in terms of what we like, dislike our drivings and shortcomings, the more self-assured we become.

“Self-assured is having the confidence to communicate what we want (or don’t want) in clear and exact terms to those around us”

In my last post, I indirectly spoke of how important it is, to discontinue the habit of suffering fools gladly. Contrary to what’s stated here, it can never be wise, to suffer fools gladly. The negative influences of fools, are so far reaching, it will always be far, far better, to remove yourself from their lives completely.  

If we’re tired of someone’s conversation, or company for that matter, we must be prepared to acknowledge this to ourselves. Once we do, we’re then much better equipped to find gentle, yet assertive ways, of getting what we want.

“What we want could simply be freedom from the negative influences of other people”

For the majority of our lives many of us find it difficult to assert our true wants. We tolerate the behaviour of others – even though it keeps us frustrated, annoyed and potentially stuck – simply because of fear. The fear we might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Also, our outdated need to be liked and approved of by others, is so great, it only adds to our unnecessary, high tolerance, toward them. Even though we know their behaviour is inappropriate or backward we continue to tolerated it.

And so, the ability to free ourselves – using the game highlighted here – requires a high degree of confidence and self-assurance. Confidence, combined with self-assurance, lowers our tolerance threshold toward idiots. Knowing ourselves better, so we may update our thinking, empowers us to get our wants and needs met.

“Eventually there comes a point when the pressure valve blows, far better to assert our wants and needs, now”

Once we understand ourselves better, we gain the confidence to become self-assured enough to get our true wants and needs met. Tolerating the backward inhibiting nature of others ceases once we begin to assert ourselves.

With all this in mind, it is important to be aware, of an important fact: It is impossible to embark on a journey of self-discovery alone. When embarking on this path, we always, always require, the assistance of others, .

So join us. We’re the people who’ve already taken this road, but have turned back, so we may help you find the love and beauty, rightfully deserved, in your life.

Enrolment, on a Personal Development Weekend Workshop, involves the simple process of completing the on-line application form here.

The Clutterfuck Random Question Answer

If the everyday nonsense of people’s conversation or behaviour is beginning to test your sanity, try this game: The Clutterfuck Random Question Answer Game.

One example would be when someone has started to repeat themselves a lot. They may seem unaware that you’ve heard the same old bollocks time and time again and so a Clutterfuck will be necessary. Here’s an example:

“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” say’s the person next to you and your response is:

“As much as I’m interested in what you have to say, I do have a question for you. Are you ready?”

You may or may not have engaged your opponents attention at this point. If you have, all well and good, if not, you could insist by telling them how important the question is. Like this:

“I understand that you’re uninterested at the moment, however, the question is important enough for you to be interested.”

You’ll surely have them by now, so you can continue with the Clutterfuck. Here it is:

“What exactly is wrong with Wensleydale?” you ask.

Okay, hopefully you can see where we’re going with this? Your random question is designed to show them how insane you’ve been driven by their drivel. Your Clutterfuck is of course also drivel, and that’s the whole point. We can only hope their answer makes some sense so we can then begin the process of dragging the conversation onto something interesting. Like cheese for example.

So, in future whenever you’re faced with boring, childish, repetitive drivel and bollocks, remember the Clutterfuck Random Question Answer Game.