what's the plan, maturity, loneliness

Loneliness and The Pleasure of Being Motivated

Understanding Loneliness

“Understanding releases the energy ignorance suppresses. We feel this energy in the pleasure of becoming motivated. Once we do the thing, we gain the pleasure and power, of our motivation.”


Some scientists, in their current, early attempts at creating AI, seem intent on giving them human characteristics. I suppose we’d potentially be more accepting of robots that looked like us, and yet, we must ask: why exactly would we ever need to make AI’s that looked like us? Furthermore, why would we need an AI to be mobile? So it could do the washing up?

Creating a machine in our image is unnecessary, very self-indulgent and only there to serve as example of our ability to create life. Surely we don’t need to keep proving our ability to do that! We know we can create life, but making robots in our image, may seem the obvious thing to do. In time though, we’ll come to understand, the true benefit to creating AI, is being overlooked.

what's the plan, maturity

We must be cautious in our attempts. Some level of dependency on machines is inevitable. To some, the dangers of an increasing dependency, are all to obvious. If we remain ignorant of our weaknesses, and the fear this brings, AI’s will inherit the earth 

“If we’re to make it as a species, we must gain better understanding of our weaknesses, instead of pandering to them.”

Many of us long to be cared for. Due to this we struggle to make the transition from childhood to adulthood. The examples we’re shown of life as an adult, are often example enough, for us to shy away from it. We’re shown that fear, pain and anguish, are part of adulthood. This can be the case but only when unprepared for it.

We’re not shielded from the beliefs and failings of the adults that raise us. We’re brought into adult stress and conflicts far too early. Because of this we look to avoid maturity through remaining dependent, either on the people around us, or society as a whole. That is, if society has provision for this dependency. That last statement makes you wonder: Is charity spreading the disease of that provision worldwide?

Is there a proportion of society allowing the ignorance of human weakness to grow?

Is this giving them further power to open up the social divide. Why are our Psychologists, seemingly making matters worse, rather than better? Are they ALL fearful of the ‘career suicide’ telling the truth would potentially bring? Or are they happy to be part of the problem? Is their intellectualising and lust for recognition the very disease they’re supposedly healing?

The truth about loneliness remains the issue of us being lonely from the self. We don’t know ourselves enough to cure our loneliness. In this light, perhaps we feel creating AI’s in our image, with superior intelligence, will give us the answers we long for.

No doubt these answers will need to come from an intelligence, created by some other entity, before we actually start to take notice and listen. Ultimately, and whether we like it or not, the only way to cure loneliness, and all the associated limitations it brings, is to know the self.

“Just take a look at the people around you, and understand, this is all you are.”

If you’re dissatisfied with how things seem, release the suppressed energy of ignorance, by becoming informed. We set ourselves free, from those who need to believe they’re superior, by understanding their failings.


life, elitism, children

Life Riding on the Coattails of Others

elitism of the children

A new year beckons and with it we see the new year honours list of 2018. The British aristocracy keeping themselves at the top, by creating another elitist list, of human beings. Life riding on the coattails of others. With that in mind I’d like to create a new award:


There’s a fairly strict criteria, because if we we were to ask the average adult: Do you consider yourself to be a grown up? They’d no doubt say, yes. There is a finite number of awards available you see. There is a problem though, to what do we gauge our award? To what do we compare our maturity?. How do we set the criteria? How do we know what it actually is to be an adult in 2018?

Difficult questions. One persons take, on what it means to be an adult, can obviously differ greatly from another. We do need some kind of benchmark, and I think we can keep things simple, by listing a few important provisos here. Let’s start with just two:

To be an adult we must have a level of independence and we must also have a high degree of self awareness.

That said, I know of people who have a very high level of independence, and yet have very poor self-awareness. Their behaviour and gameplay is very manipulative, and  conversation/interpersonal skills, no further forward, than that of a ten year old child.

For example, recent experience, with trying to converse with a 57 year old woman, left me feeling very uncomfortable indeed. This was simply due to the fact it belonged in the mind of someone aged ten – or thereabouts. Even though this is the case, the lady in question is independent, and has carried many responsibilities. Raising a child on her own being just one of them.

Suffice to say, this lady, who has remained unaware of much of her behaviour during her life, has had a horrible time. Many of the events in her life have placed excessive demands on her. Excessive pain and confusion has been due to her ability to reject everyone, and everything good, from her life so far. To add to this, her list of past (and present) ailments would include: cervical cancer, crones disease, anorexia and chronic tooth decay. She deserves an award all of her own, just for making it through.

Snippets of conversation have led me to the understanding, her childhood was full of neglect, and other forms of abuse. Please note: It’s certainly not my place – beyond a therapeutic setting – to interfere, counsel or advise, in any capacity whatsoever, someone who has no wish to seek such things. As such I’m a very good silent-listener in her company. Now, the clue to my next award-proviso is in the word seek, because:

An adult must be a seeker.

What must they seek? Well, we could say, they must look to seek knowledge, awareness and truth. By seeking these things, we’re expressing our intention, to become adults.

For much of life, many people, are confused and bewildered by the behaviour of others. Many are left wondering: “What the hell is going on?” “What are these people doing?” “Why does this shit happen?” These people find relief when introduced to the value of seeking.

Shit does happen – as our beautiful American cousins are so keen on telling us – and yet shit really does happen around you, when you’re an adult amongst the children. Children keep-fucking-things-up simply because it’s in their nature to do so. As such, all this chaos, going on in the world around us, is instigated by the children who have yet to find the value in seeking.

In this vain, I’d like to think my style of writing, is suited to many people who don’t seek, purely because they’ve been put off in the past.  Many intellectuals and teachers in the world, are very possessive of their intellect and talent. To this end they deliberately confuse the buggery out of the average man. This must be another form of elitism yet to be fully recognised. So stop making things difficult for others to understand guys. There is no such thing as bad students only useless teachers. Here’s another proviso for my list:

An adult must never ride on the coattails of others.

Many adults are in the position they are, simply because they’re exploiting what they see, as the worlds children. The British aristocracy, for example, achieve this through their awards system. This system states: “We have sufficient high status to award you.” What they’re once again forgetting is, if you treat adults as children (we award you dear child) you only add to their confusion. Those who achieve greatness do this through being adults. Perhaps when the elite finally grow up themselves and find independence, instead of leeching off the rest of us, we’ll all be freed to move on to adulthood. Here’s my final proviso:

Once grown awards become obsolete

That’s right, give me a medal for picking up that rubber brick of the bottom of the swimming pool, but fuck you if you try and keep me down, by awarding me once I’m grown. We must all become sufficiently self-aware, so as to realise the gameplay of dependent adult-children, so we may then help them move on. Thankfully, now we know awards for maturity would be a paradox, I can put this one safely to bed.

Happy new year my grown up friends.


Maturity: Something people want or something they need?

Iron and vitamins or sugar? Your choice.

“It’s a bit like offering a child the choice between candy or sprouts. The adults know which one carries the iron and vitamins, and yet, if we were to ask the child, which one they want, we can all guess at the negative outcome.”

In the same light, if my intentions were incorrectly motivated, I could very easily tie my choices down here. When maintaining a blog, if the intention (unconscious or not) is to stroke the ego, through gaining more followers, I’m helping no one. At the same time as restricting myself,  through  looking to please people by stroking their ego’s (surely a kind of mutual masturbation) I’d also be restricting those I’m writing for. If you have something useful to say, stop pandering to the egos and/or your own loneliness. If you are you’ll be doing everyone a disservice.

When we think of the distinction between childhood and adulthood, the truly grown are those who have a mature sense of self. I’ve met adults who’ve never grown beyond a certain point in their maturation. This is simply because they’ve never been shown any advantage to becoming grown.

“When the child isn’t made aware of the reason, why sprouts must become their food of choice, they’ll continue choosing the sugar alternative into adulthood. They’ll potentially continue with this until diabetes catches up with them. It’s the same with alcohol and smoking, we’ll stick with the things of adolescence, as long as we remain there emotionally. For some, this will be the case, all their short lives.”

Of course there can be many other reasons why adults remain as children. Unconsciously hankering for care and attention – missing from childhood – is a major contributor to this phenomena. Extreme trauma is further example: The mind, in an attempt to defend and repair itself, can often be reluctant to move beyond extreme trauma and the associated emotions. Think PTSD.

“Headed in a slightly different direction, I also think the point about our level of independence, being a kind of marker for how mature we are, is very relevant. The level of independence we’ve achieved, clearly marks out our level of fearlessness, and courage.”

Something to consider, in this respect, is our hunter gatherer ancestors. As a result of the melting of glaciers, there’s now evidence to show, solo hunters existed and survived just as well as those who lived within tribes. Human remains, dated to be thousands of years old, have been found at the heads of receding glaciers. The shoes, mittens, clothes, weapons and walking sticks, found with these ancient finds, has been suggestive of people travelling alone. Is it perhaps the case, that solo hunter gatherers, were braver and stronger, than those in constant need of others? Was the solo hunter potentially more adaptable, more mature, and consequently less fearful?

“We can only speculate on these things, however, it’s a certain fact, those who have a high level of independence, along with a courageous and adventurous spirit, live freer more fulfilling lives. To suggest, this is something only modern man has achieved, is absurd.”

There’s no doubt, if whatever you’re doing is only done to gain more friends and followers, the content of your posts, or other creative work, will reflect this. Alternatively, if you’re writing from an adult perspective, you’ll be doing this with the intention to empower.

You might now ask what is the motivation? and the answer is of course, love. No adult will ever be empowered trough being spoken to as if they were a child. Why do you thing religious leaders are constantly tempted to call their followers children? Because they’re all children of God? Or is it more likely they need to keep them stuck in childhood (with all the disability this brings) by talking to them as if we still were?

“Whilst we remain as children – and they as the adults – we continue to give our power away. Stop talking to your audience as if they’re children and potentially you’ll gain the attention of adults followers. They’re the kind of friends I prefer.”

Those who have the courage to read something, that create thoughts directly opposed to the thoughts and opinions of the masses, are the ones who follow the solo hunter. Not because they want to be members of a tribe, they do it because they want to see and experience the freedom, maturity brings.

Jesus Christ! Just let him move on.

pain, human emotions

Imagine being reminded, year on year, about how the actions and behaviour of your past, are still troubling the people around you in the present. Imagine being guilted in this way. Imagine being reminded of your past mistakes over and over again.

To some extent we do this to ourselves. Our minds, in an attempt to resolve unfinished business, often remind us of our errors in the past. How we mistreated people. How we said or did the wrong things. Sometimes, either by our own memories or by turn of events, we’re reminded of the things we did when young and foolish.

It could be said, the benefit to this is, we don’t make the same errors over and over. As a general rule though, because of our painful, guilty mistakes in the past, we’re simply unconsciously aware of how we must behave now. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.   

And so, do we really think that if Christ were alive today, he’d actually be failing to see – how the stuff he believed and taught over two thousand years ago – has lost much of its relevance in the 21st century? Many believe he was quite a smart guy.

This intelligence would certainly be enabling him to understand, the short life he lived all those years ago, was in fact his and our childhood. What he said and did then was as a result of his childish thinking. It’s very likely he’d be totally lost and confused, (if not angry) to see billions of humans still following the teachings he believed in, thousands of years ago, as a child.

Would you want people acting on things you said and did when a child? Do we not normally leave the beliefs we held in childhood behind? Do you still believe, that in the dead of night, Santa comes down your chimney to deliver gifts? Or that the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow?

“We must leave the beliefs of childhood behind, because if we don’t, we remain stuck in that fearful place. A place many, if not all religious people, still currently inhabit.”

The comfortable position, those who work within the religion industry have placed themselves in, is something they’d rather not have to change. It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, even if this isn’t necessarily, the best route.

With this in mind, when it comes to removing ourselves from the comfortable and often fantastical beliefs of childhood, this can prove to be a painful transition. It’s never pleasant when a child – who truly believes in Santa Claus – discovers the deception. A deception designed by adults to remove fear through creating mystery and fantasy.

Like these adults JC wanted people to be less afraid. How can we think he expects us to still need the fantastical beliefs he devised – to help rid us of our fear – two thousand years on? Beliefs devised when he and humanity were still in its infancy.

Two thousand years ago, many human beings, were barbaric. Fear and guilt were used in an attempt to limit this. Religious leaders must think we’re still barbaric and underdeveloped, and as such, need the control rods of superstition, fear and guilt. Are you a barbarian? They really do have a lot to answer for don’t they? They’re keeping billions, in a barbaric, dark past.

“How do they sleep at night knowing they continue to stilt human development through failing to move away from the beliefs of their childhood?”

Of course the reason they’re unable to move forward is their fear of the pain this would potentially create. The expression: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding” will never apply to those who refuse to acknowledge truth.

Emotional pain is something we must be taught to deal with when young. Responsible parents teach our children how to temper their emotions during the trauma of their childhood. It’s the parents, who’ve yet to do this for themselves, that struggle with this responsibility. If we have little sense of personal responsibility ourselves, how can we possibly be expected to teach this to our children? Are religious leaders acting responsibly?

“If the religious ‘Fathers’ want to parent us, and teach us right from wrong, they’d better smarten up their act.”

Smartening up their act would include packing their bags. It’s the job of parents – not priests or whatever – to teach children about the importance of empathy. It’s their job to teach children how to empathise. Once we’re able to do this, right and wrong is understood to have nothing to do with god and religion, and everything to do with creating better lives for ourselves. You give fear and guilt and that’s all you’ll get. Priests often fall off the rails. This comes as no surprise when they’re already riddled with fear and guilt.

“Give someone the gift of an lemon, for example, and you can easily imagine the experience of how it tastes. Do we really need to continue tasting the lessons of two thousand years ago?”

Let’s just allow JC to move on shall we? He’s had enough of his childhood. Back then he was a martyr who, according to legend, got himself nailed to a dogwood tree. Today we can easily imagine – if we put our minds to it – that he’d find an improved, powerful and beneficial way, to teach us all about love, and how to live better lives. Do you not think?

Perhaps he’d still end up nailed to a cross. If the religious leaders had it their way he would. In order to maintain their antiquated beliefs, religious leaders, need to remember their past mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Pack your bags guys, it really is time now, for you to move on.

Adapt through facing reality

Forget Reality Happiness Lies in Delusion

Adapt through facing reality
We easily adapt through facing reality

Yes, so here we are again, it’s Christmas. The season to be jolly and all that. And indeed why not? It’s a sure fact, Christmas does have the power to create happiness, peace and love, for some. Who am I to question this power? If it works, do it, that’s my advice.

Just as long as delusional beliefs have the power to make us happy, why shouldn’t we continue to hold them? If a belief, delusional or not, has the power to lift our lives and create happiness, there can be no harm, surely? Well, I think we should entertain a little caution.

Most beliefs are very much a personal thing. Collective beliefs, such as those surrounding Christmas, do come at a cost to some. The cost is, not all of us actually want to be drafted into the collective beliefs, of the majority. Because of this, Christmas may have the opposite effect on us, to that of the majority. To some, Christmas is a very challenging and difficult time.

To feel obliged, into following traditions and the beliefs of others at this time of year, is a very tiring and stressful affair. I can of course hear the reaction. I hear the words: “Bah Humbug” and all that guilting shit. However, it’s true to say, the lonely are no less alone at this time, in fact, they may feel worse.  Unless, that is, they’re able to pull a very special trick.

This special trick, is to adopt some delusional beliefs of their own, that are as useful, to those working within the fictional reality, of religion.

A fictional reality created by the manipulative cleverness of religious workers. These chancers, have succeeded in making the fictional beliefs of religion, a working reality. They earn money from a collective delusion. Is this a brilliant deception?”

This deception has been achieved through the ‘time wearing’ effect. Think of a slow drip of water onto a rock, in time, the water will wear the rock. You might think this an amazing feat, it no doubt is, however we must remember, the Chinese also invented water torture,  something that eventually drove those who experienced it, insane.

And so collective insanity has been created through the ‘time wearing’ effect. I would like to give you further account of this phenomenon.”

Think of spending time with a work colleague who is very kind and accommodating. This colleague even has the means at her disposal to grant you extra time off, and even determine extra paid hours, that you might not necessarily have worked. Over time, the more these ‘special favours’ go on, the more indebted you might become. One day this work colleague approaches you asking for a favour.

Now, even though you may have an understanding – about the potential backward/forward nature of ‘favours’ never being a good thing – you listen to her suggestion. Because this colleague has been unable to use up all her holiday allowance during the year she has a plan to get paid for them instead, the only problem being, she’s salaried.

Yes, she is salaried (fixed wages with no overtime) and you’re not. So here is the suggestion: What she would like to do, is pay you these extra hours, so you can then transfer these extra hours,  into her bank account. 

To the streetwise this will instantly sound a bit doggy. You’d be right, it’s fraud. However, because you’ve potentially been softened up over time, you may feel it necessary to overlook, the fraudulent nature of this arrangement, and go ahead with it.

Clearly, we can see the dangers of the insanity of others, and the ‘time wearing’ effect, rearing its ugly head once again. Imagine how you’d feel if, some months down the line, this anomaly became flagged-up at head office, and everyone got fired. Slightly pissed off I should imagine. The time wearing effect really is a fucker.

“There can be no harm in delusional beliefs provided they’re kept to the individual who finds them of benefit. Many delusional beliefs, when shared with others, are dangerously exploitative.”

And so coming back to happiness and delusion. What we must understand about delusional beliefs is, they often only suit the individual. If delusional beliefs are of benefit and use to you, as an individual,  all is well. Just remember, when we include others into our delusions, this can prove damaging. Cults would be prime example of their damaging nature when others are involved.

Let’s be clear: the ‘time wearing effect’ is very seductive and subtle. We may be sucked into a false sense of security. Be sure that collective beliefs are of benefit to you, if not, dump them. If you choose, I can help you dump the current, collective beliefs – of manipulative religious workers – by pointing something out to you:

“You can make every day happy and peaceful through believing you are a good, compassionate person. A person who has the power of love to help you through. Once you decide to dump the delusions of others, this power of love, is something you will find deep within.”

Please have a lovely day tomorrow. This can be achieved through having nothing to do with the delusions of chancers, and everything to do with knowing this: Your future reality is what you consciously make it. Make the right choice. א


Three AppCloud

Unlike the Locksmith I do have a phone. In fact, I’ve had one ever since someone – way back in 1998 – slapped their old one into my hands with the instructions: “Get a fucking life!” The only problem with it was the colour. . . Pink! Yuck.

Being in touch with my feminine side I learned to cope with the colour and eventually (having got a life) did even manage to upgrade it. My reluctance to own a mobile phone wasn’t so much about being a technophobe, or anything like that, it’s just that I often find phones a little intrusive, mobile phones say: “whether you like it or not stop what you’re doing and talk to me.” And yes, I do realise they have an off button, which is not dissimilar to pulling the plug out from the wall socket when – all those years ago – phones had wires (some of you may remember).

“Anyway, yesterday I went shopping”

Oh yes, money in my pocket, mission decided, I was going to get new phone. A ZTE Blade V7 to be exact; being cleverly tipped off, that this is the phone to have, I’d made my decision. So, into the shop; asked for the product; money exchanged, job done, until I get home and start the setting up procedure, that is.

To cut a very long story short, it turns out that this phone was initially set up for a specific network provider. With this being the case, if you put a sim card in – other than from this specific provider – and then begin the start-up procedure, you’ll find a problem. With this ‘foreign’ sim card inserted, after a short period of time, one of it’s apps (Three AppCloud to be exact) stops working. When this happens, you’re screwed, basically. You can do absolutely fuck-all with the bastard phone.

Bastard Phone

“My annoyance wasn’t so much that this happened (several times as I re-instigated the start-up procedure over and over) it was that I’d not been told that this was likely to happen.”

I was not told, that if you insert any other sim card (other than the specific service provider) at the beginning of the start-up process, it would crash the software. It later transpired, after much pissing about, that in order to disable the app you needed to set-up the phone without the sim card inserted. Duh. What a dick head for not knowing this!

Now, let’s just go back a step or two, shall we. When we ask ourselves, why didn’t I know this? The answer must surely be, because you’re a fucking dick head! No, no, of course that’s not true. The answer is, I didn’t know this, because no one had fucking told me!

It’s not possible for a man – who hasn’t grown up with computers, or fancy mobile phones, for that matter – to understand what the proper procedures are, or understand issues of compatibility, if he’s not been told. Simple.

“All in all a strange and straining week.”

When it comes to information there’s certainly a lot of it about. Take the further example of unfortunately finding myself without a working CD player in my car.

This is how the story goes. I’ve recently found cause to replace my car’s battery. In the process of changing it, the car stereo was without power for a short time, as such, I now need the security code for it to work again.

As the car is a recent purchase, and of a certain age, (not unlike myself) the only way for me to find the code was to get online, pay £9.99, input the stereo serial numbers, and hey presto, fifteen minutes later, the code is emailed to me. So much for security!

All of this does beg the question: what the hell have we done to ourselves? What with all the pin numbers, security questions, and user names, has the world not gone bloody mad? We’re told to never write this kind of information down, and yet if we don’t, we’re reliant on believing we have the gift of supper-memories.

“There is a trick to remembering all this differing information, without having to write it down, but that’s the subject of another post.”

The moral of the story – and to bring this little ditty to its inevitable conclusion – is this: if we’ve not been given the relevant, updated, modern information, we’re screwed. Do you have the relevant information?

The Empowerment of Awareness

The Empowerment of Awareness

On this blog you will find many references to empowerment and the empowering forces of love. It’s useful at this point to further explain what exactly is meant by this.

The clearest example we can give, involves the empowerment of raising awareness. Before we do, it’s worth being made aware that we are bound by the limitations of what can be said, within a few hundred words, on a blog post. Due to the style of this medium we must keep things to a minimum in an attempt to retain human attention.

“It may well be, that a video or comedy act, would prove better at retaining attention, however, these options are currently unavailable. . . sorry.”

Does this mean that we don’t love you enough, to empower you by better retaining your attention with a comedy act, or video? No, not really. What this does say is, we believe that raising your attention has more to do with helping you understand that this actually involves the input of energy. In other words, the more we do for you, the less energy you’ll need to input. Which would consequently lower your attention. We need you to think. Furthermore, to gain understanding from these words, you will need to be aware and attentive.

With your raised awareness (and reluctance to input energy) you might now ask: Surely if you did this through a comedy act would you not have our full attention then?

Potentially this would be the case. Comedy is a very powerful medium for alleviating fear and guilt but does this through diverting our attention. Our desire here is to focus your thoughts in one direction. The added benefit is, fear or guilt really have little place, in the minds of those who’re aware and focused.

“The greater your self-awareness the greater your awareness of the limiting nature of fear and/or guilt.”

Suffice to say, the empowerment of love, is help to diminish these two negative forces. If you like, the empowerment of love is the antidote to fear and guilt. Videos and comedy may only be a temporary fix to alleviating these things.

“So, with raising awareness being the clearest example of the empowerment of love, lets get on with it.”

The quickest and easiest way, of raising one’s awareness, is through the acknowledgement of others. In other words, once we begin to take a fascination and interest in the behaviour of others, we become increasingly more aware of our own. As a result, of becoming more aware of those around us, we may then choose to become advisory. We may become more opinionated. As we do, we attract greater interest, from others.

For example, just this morning one of our members decided to make a colleague of theirs aware of something he’d noticed. What he’d noticed was that their criticism of another person, had become so frequent, that it could now be considered pathological. These are the exact words he used:

“Just to make you aware, your criticism of Colin, has now become pathological.”

Using the word ‘pathological’ proved very effective, in gaining the attention of someone, who doesn’t normally absorb anything. In fact, so contradictory is this person (to most things anyone says) that helping her raise her awareness is nigh-on impossible. However, the use of such a word, is suggestive, of mental illness is it not? This often gets people’s attention through fear.

Now, with your new focus and raised awareness, you’ll have seen the contradiction: fear was used to raise someone’s attention, when empowerment through love was said to be the antidote to fear. Well, your observation is correct, however, before we can rid them of the fear, motivating their pathology, a good slap, (metaphorically speaking) is often for the best. Think: a small dose of the disease often works as the cure.

“Put simply, raising our awareness involves energy. The more energy we have available, the more likely it is, we’ll have a high degree of awareness.”

In contrast to that last statement, those of us who’re dealing with high levels of conflict, stress and confusion, have far less energy available devoted to raising our self-awareness. To further explain, the colleague used in our example, expends such huge amounts of energy – on a defence system of clash, conflict and contradiction – that there is very little left for her to ever become self-aware. Her defence mechanism has effectively disabled her. She’s exhausted.

It’s important for all of us to consider how we use our mental energy and how this may be limiting us. Remember, the less awareness we have, the more we’re being directed by those forces beyond it; namely fear and guilt.

So there we are, empowerment through love because we’re aware of you, even if you are not.

Children running free, Beauty of Naivety

Beautiful Naivety

Children running free, Beauty of
The Beauty of Innocence and Naivety

I’ve worked alongside a person, who has such deep and limiting insecurity within herself, it’s left me feeling bewildered. I’ve asked myself: how can this person think like this? How can she have such a shocking disregard of her own achievements? How can she be so insecure? and how is it she feels threatened by those of no comparison?

“The answer to these questions doesn’t lie quite as deeply as we might first imagine.”

If we’re not given sufficient reason to value ourselves when young, we will potentially always struggle to do so. An adult, who has faced neglect and/or physical abuse in childhood, will find it a persistent struggle to achieve higher levels of self-esteem.

It doesn’t matter what achievements they may have made in their life, they will never regard them as such, when inside, there lurks this lack of security and self-belief. A gremlin of monstrous proportions.

It’s often difficult when observing how the neglected are constantly fighting for their lives. Not only fighting to keep their heads above water, but also to wrestle down their own self-destructive, inner-demons. So damaged are they, that life has become an intolerable day to day struggle. Lonely people wondering why, this stinking mess of a life, has turned into such a goddamn hell.

“There is this desire to gently place my hands on her shoulders and tell her softly why she hates him so.”

I see her with these daily struggles. It would be so much easier for her if she understood the principles of projection: how we project our inner demons onto others. We don’t really know, that person sitting opposite us on the bus, but we hate him so.

“We hate him because he represents the coward who took our power and abused us back then.”

Of course simply projecting all this anger and hatred onto others, children included (even our own) does nothing but keep us angry, and hateful. To top it all, these feelings, also keep us confused.

Projecting our inner fears never fixes the problem. Not until we realise how our power was taken away from us, at a time when we we’re powerless to defend ourselves, do we start to change. Now we have a measure of power, we want to strike out, no matter our chosen victim. Stop wasting your energy.

Through these projections, our unconscious mind is looking to help us resolve conflict. When we get this, freedom from our demons, beckons. Do not blame the man on the bus, do not blame yourself, accept the truth and move on.

Small dependent children have the power of love on their side, and yet sometimes this love, doesn’t exist, within the adults around them.

“In this instance, even the power of love is shrouded in the darkness of a cowardly, abusive adult.”

The harmed, when touched by the love of an understanding person, in their adult lives, often don’t know how to react, or what to do with their conflicting feelings. They may even reject this kind of love as fear and confusion grips their soul.

In order to survive, children must love those they’re dependent on, and it’s so often this love, borne of their naivety, that becomes an additional weakness. As adults, believing we may be abused through our love once again, we shut down and reject the good from our lives. 

“When this love and dependence is used and abused by loveless adults, the gates of hell are opened.”

Even though the woman I’ve worked alongside has achieved greatness, even beyond what she can presently understand, I’ve heard her express how death would come as relief. If she could spend just ten minutes in the mind of a loved, cherished and protected child, she would clearly see the almighty struggle her life has been. It may fill her with rage, at the injustice and inequality of it all, and yet, it may also help her realise, what an amazing and beautiful survivor, she is.

“Perhaps then she would cease this journey of self-destruction.”

Children, who are understood for their beautiful-disability of naivety, and their beautiful-vulnerability through dependence, are fortunate. In this way and through these understandings, they’re set free on a course through life, that is sure and true. Fortunate indeed.

When we understand children for their capacity to love, we are all this fortunate, because we set ourselves free too. If only we could cherish more of our children in this way. If only.

entitlement and the fantasy reality crossover, education for the individula

Education for Individuals

Education for the Individual

Mainstream, standardised education, is for the masses. That’s fine if you’re happy being considered one of them. However, what if you’re looking for something different, that stretches your thinking, enabling you to further escape the masses?

When we think about standardised education, be it from religion to geology, we’re all expected to have the same viewpoint on these and many other subjects. When this is the case, it becomes harder for us to expand our minds, beyond the confines of this standard. We all become standardised. Above average becomes increasingly rare when we’re not encouraged to think differently.

“Geology, for example, may hold hidden understandings that reveal themselves through above average lessons”

So, staying within the area of our particular expertise, when taught en masse, that most relationships follow a particular course, it becomes hard for us to deviate from this teaching. We all have a tendency to follow the path of least resistance. This path is the established thinking society teaches us. If we want to witness societies teachings, all we need do, is watch the drama of the average soap opera. What if there were no ‘drama’ in relationships and just love?

“Our expectations will always be fulfilled.”

On a conscious level our minds may expect relationships to be magical, almost like the childhood teachings of princes and princesses, who live happily ever after. We may believe – as religion and some of the biggest box office hits of the century teach our children – that love is self-sacrifice. So, when we talk of expectations being fulfilled, we’re talking of our unconscious expectations. They may differ greatly from our conscious ones.

The fulfilment of these unconscious expectations does of course take time. At first all is well, and our conscious dreams of a loving, magical relationship, are a living reality. As we tire though, and get to know each other better, our unconscious expectations and beliefs begin to surface. These beliefs are the ones society and our upbringing have taught us. We may have thought: I’ll never be like my mother/father, and yet time passes and we become them.

“Education for individuals teaches a different model of relationships to that taught the masses.”

The ability to question if our unconscious expectations, actually match our conscious ones, means we break free from potential conflict. Take the ‘Frozen’ teaching (the film) that love is self-sacrifice. This belief will never stand the test of time. If we should try and fulfil such a demanding belief, our relationships will be a constant and unnecessary strain, and challenge.

“We can never possibly empower someone through sacrificing ourselves.”

What this actually teaches is inequality. To sacrifice ourself (our happiness or life) would be to place someone else’s life or happiness in a higher place than our own. We must never teach this to our children, if we do, in their eyes, we undervalued ourselves. This is no way to gain the respect of our children. We gain respect by teaching equality, we say:

“My happiness is just as important as yours.”  

The reality is, if we’re to be happy, none of us can sacrifice ourselves. We are all one and equal. Self-sacrifice is an illusion of love.

In time, many, if not most of the people in relationships, become focused on finding ways to stay in control of each other. We do this to ensure our relationships last. We’re raised with the expectation that this is how we must behave. Many couples are together simply because their fear of loss, is greater than their self-love, and self-respect.

“Be educated as an individual, recognise these traits within you, and change them.”

We must do this, because so often it’s the methods we use to strengthen our relationships, that actually weaken them.

In direct opposition to control, the more we truly love those around us, the more we simply want to empower them, setting them free. Games for control always spell the beginning of the end.

Do you want something different to the average?