“If we have little control over our emotions we’re vulnerable through allowing others to manipulate us emotionally.”
In response to:
“I’m not sure if this is something normal people think about, or only weird, fucked up people like me.”
It’s very refreshing to see someone write from the heart in the way you have here. Because of your candid approach I particularly enjoyed this piece. It could be said that feeling ‘overly’ emotional – “about a crippled person on the side of the road” – for example, is of no real benefit to the person with the disability. It could also be said that being ‘overly’ emotion is just as disabling to you.
Real benefit comes when we’re able to look objectively at a person’s situation and then help in a pragmatic way: taking them for a square meal, buying them a wheelchair or giving their plight some deeper meaning, for example. If our reaction to pain, suffering, sadness, pity or whatever, is to become overly distressed ourselves, we are of no help, we may even add to their troubles.
In addition to this, to show someone pity in times of their hardship is to be disrespectful and may ultimately disempower them. My revulsion to pity stems from understanding how self-pity is utterly futile.
“On a personal level, if the people in my life – during my times of hardship – had shown me emotions and pity, instead of understanding and purpose, there’s a very strong likelihood I wouldn’t have made it through.”
Sometimes, I think it’s important to take a step back, and consider, that the emotionally charged things we experience outside of ourselves, often trigger something on the inside of our minds, we may be hiding from. In other words, where does our fear originate from when seeing the cripple, or the special child or death? Our fear of these things is very debilitating.
When we lose our fear, only then, are we truly able to offer practical assistance to those in need. If there’d been any level of fear from those around me, during my time of need, this would have manifested into the pity that may well have killed me. We offer people true and effective love when we ‘feel’ yet pull away from feelings that restrict practical action.
During recent times, it seems that our reaction to events, have been very extreme. From the annihilation of the innocent inhabitants of foreign countries to the childish and sentimental weeping at the death of a kitten.
When we lose total control of reason, and our emotions to boot, we’re completely ineffective. As further example, it sickens me to see the guilt ridden, sentimental appeals, charities use to drag money out of people’s pockets. It seems no one ‘gives’ unless guilted or made to ‘feel’ uncontrollably.
The charities in this country (UK), are just businesses using horrible manipulation in order to pay their employees wages, there is something fundamentally wrong here. A charity, and those working within it, must do – the act of giving their time – for nothing. If they don’t give this charitably (for free) it’s not a charity, it’s a business! When did we lose this distinction?
Charities are failing to understand the principle of: ‘you only have what you give.’ Giving of your time for nothing is about gaining the understanding and true value of time itself. Until we give something, we never understand it’s true value.
“No one has sufficient money to pay for my time. I’m not free when being paid I’m ensnared by my need. Make sense?”
So, in a nutshell, you’re most certainly not fucked up, and neither is anyone else who’s empathic and emotional, however, understand the things that trigger our internal fears helps us to help others, with true, empowering love.
Kindest regards AF א