“To be out of confusion, in a place of certainty, is to have a sense of the sublime.”
“To be associated with feelings of calm, wholeness, clear-headedness and direction of purpose, is also to have a sense of the sublime.”
Would you say that most of us, if we’re lucky, only ever get this sense for fleeting moments during parts of our lives? To feel in touch with the sublime every moment of every day would probably suggest we’re constantly high on drugs. In fact when we think of it now, we can easily understand one of the reasons for drug addiction. To take a drug, that puts us in the sublime, without any of the work necessary to reach this place, is no doubt very alluring.
Form that last paragraph you may have gathered my belief. I believe, feeling in touch with the sublime, is something we can all achieve. And no, I’m not a drug pusher, at least not the kind of drugs sold on street corners, that is.
I push another drug, the drug created through sublimation.
To sublimate is to rise above our instinctive drivings. When we do this we have the necessary energy to reach for the sublime. Our direction and purpose becomes something very different indeed.
If you’re in such a place, that the services of a Therapist are being sought, then first consider the importance of sublimation. Imagine, for a moment, freeing yourself of the type of instinctive drivings that have potentially created your problems to begin with. In other words, put aside the cure for your loneliness (relationships), put aside your need for a drink (guilt, frustration, boredom, loneliness), put aside your unthinking drivings: the things you do before you even think about it. Start to think about how what you do only adds to your sense of unease. And then make that call.
You may think some of your current behaviour is the cure; that it makes you feel better, however, when reality strikes, you do know these things are only temporary and fleeting, do you not? The more time we spend free from instinctive drivings, that use up our precious, creative energy, the more able we are to use this energy constructively.
Consider all the time used up by the majority simply following habits and patterns of behaviour, that are driven instinctively, and not just instinctively, perhaps only by habit: behaviour that has become unconscious and unthinking. The more we place our minds in the present the more we’re able to control our actions.
To become more aware, more conscious; this is to be more in control of your game; closer to the sublime.
Be mindful of your thoughts, your actions, your drivings. What causes you to do the things you do? Are they beneficial? What kind of life do you want? We all have the potential to get the very things we want. Sublimation is the process of freeing up energy we now need to think creatively, proactively and constructively. Simply stop what you’re currently doing and think. Be now, be present; raise your consciousness; raise your game. That’s the way.
From the moment we’re born the world is introduced to us through words. From a midwife exclaiming “Oh look it’s a little hitler!” – purely because the child was born close to the date of hitler’s birthday – to a mother’s first words to her daughter: “you’re just so beautiful,” all these words, have influence over us to varying degrees, for the rest of our lives.
A word spoken can be very different to a word thought. Let’s take the example of the midwife calling a mothers newborn son a ‘little hitler.’ No doubt at the time: 1 am 21st April 1965, with the mother and midwife having lived through world war ll, it was potentially heard as a joke. If it had been left in that moment, then perhaps this would have held true, however, with the child’s mother repeating this ‘joke’ on every birthday over the years, the joke turned into something else. What effect, do you imagine, would there be to the individual described as a ‘little hitler’ on every birthday during his childhood? No effect, some effect or a cataclysmic effect?
You may think I’m being dramatic to describe a supposed joke, repeated every year, for many years, as having a cataclysmic effect, however, this would be to underestimate the power of words and language; one of the few things that attempts to separate us from the barbarism of nature.
“Consider the cumulative effect.”
As our ‘little hitler’ grows, begins to learn about war, and specifically the ideology and beliefs of hitler, understandings, both false and true, begin to formulate in his mind. Now, pause for a moment if you’re assuming I’m going to tell you all about a child who started to turn into a monster. In fact due to some very different words, also heard during his childhood, our ‘little hitler’ pursued a very different path indeed. He was drawn toward the priesthood. Cataclysmic to say the least, as being a priest – outside of any priesthood – is likely to be an indescribable pain to endure. Far better for the newborn boy to have simply been described as beautiful.
Now, you might be thinking: hold on, how does being labelled a little hitler link and connect to being drawn to the priesthood? To answer that question, all we need do, is understand that the part of the mind we’re dealing with, doesn’t communicate through logic. Consider dreams, how often do we wake from a dream thinking: ‘well that made perfect sense?’ And so, when we think of the potential for anger – at being associated with a monster purely through gender and birth date – this anger can have a provocative, reversed effect on the individual. Consider the often spoke about successes of individuals who’ve been told by teachers: “you’ll never amount to anything lad.”
And so, words, spoken out loud and heard in childhood, become our very thoughts and quite obviously continue to influence us in profound ways. Words and the process of our minds are intrinsically linked and connected. Feelings are expressed through words. Intentions are expressed through words. Our lives are expressed through words. Our beliefs and thoughts are expressed through words.
“That final truism is the domain of the GOLD Counsellor. When we take a thought or feeling, expressed in a word, and write it down, we then have a snapshot of that thought or feeling.”
Changing tack slightly for a moment, our use of language may grow as we get older, however, the feelings we’re describing, remain the same as the feelings first felt as a child. For example, we may write down the word: exuberant – to describe how we currently feel – and yet we may have described this feeling as ‘smiley’ when we were small. So even though we’ve used a ‘grown-up’ word in the present, the feeling associated was one we first felt many years ago.
Back on point. Pinpoint Analysis, takes these written words and identifies the very moment we first associated them with the feelings. In other words if we described ourself as a ‘happy person’ on paper, it’s possible – through the GOLD Counselling Methodology – for us to pinpoint the very moment we first learned this belief (thought).
More importantly, if there are times when we’d label ourselves in a negative light, let’s say ‘unkind’ and we were also encouraged to write this down, we could explore the very moment that feeling was linked in the mind to the word. We may well find that the feeling was driven by a childlike mentality, and this new understanding, would empower us to step away from such a limiting belief. Is it not the case that to be unkind is to be emotionally stunted? Are terrorists emotionally and mentally stunted?
So there we are: feelings become words become beliefs. We are bound to our thoughts and feelings linguistically; we are the words we use, as we are the beliefs we use language to describe – they are are one and the same. Understand where we first felt the feelings and we understand where we first learned the words that described them. The words we use describe both feelings and beliefs.
When raising children we must be very cautious in our use of language. The child who doesn’t wish to share his toys, or punches his classmates for that matter, is not unkind, he is simply emotionally immature.
“Without intervention the neglected, love starved child, remains emotionally stunted and immature all his life.”
We emotionally stunt the child when we fail to explain the value in behaving in a different way. When we encourage children (through love) to share, and see the value in being gentle with each other – and then perpetually describe them as ‘kind’ – we have a better chance of raising children to become humankind, rather than what we’re currently seeing within the terrorist mind.
“Be assured: a terrorist’s hatred will have been seeded at a very early age and didn’t necessarily have anything to do with his current cause. Now they’re older they have simply found an outlet. That, is all there is to it, nothing more.”
There are those who would prefer we didn’t recognise this, as it once again – and rightfully so – increases and places the burden of responsibility, fairly and squarely on parenting. It emphasises the importance of love and emotional maturity within the worlds parents.
It can be challenging to write about something you don’t particularly have strong opinions on. When needing to give constructive, balanced and impartial advice though, there are times when freedom from strong opinion, or bias, can be useful. When opinion isn’t charged with the anger, of unresolved issues of a personal nature, the information shared will tend to be of a balanced nature, enabling you to make up your own mind, having been better informed.
“Being better informed is the name of the game here and to deal properly with such an emotive, and potentially complicated issue, will empower you to help yourself and others, should the issue of abortion raise its head.”
As a therapist, or someone who is simply interested in personal development, our objective must be to seek out the roots to any issue. The roots, to many emotionally charged sticking points, or problems we humans face, often lie at a deeper level than consciousness.
Now, straight away, remove any assumption that this complicates matters. If anything, it simplifies reaching the understanding necessary, for why we have sticking points and problems, that seem beyond our control. Problems and unresolved issues that lie deeper than our conscious awareness, will obviously prove to be something we’re unable to change, simply through discussion. Deeper intervention is now called for.
“Looking deeper, at the issue of abortion, has now become a necessity.”
From the standpoint of beliefs, we must understand, that should an individual – who’s considering an abortion – carry a high degree of limiting and negative beliefs about themselves, these beliefs will be influencing them in ways, that should never be underestimated. For example, would the belief – I am worthless – be the reason a person needed sex (unprotected or not) in the first place? Sex may well make a person feel valued, yet the pending abortion, will only be an expression of the belief: I am worthless or hopeless. For that matter, any number of negative beliefs, relating to the self, will influence self-destructive behaviour.
Having unprotected sex at an inappropriate time or age and taking the risk of pregnancy, with the option of abortion in mind, may well be the unconscious minds desire to fulfil negative, self-limiting beliefs. When viewed in a certain way the emotional upset, relating to abortion, can stay with a woman all her life, constantly acting as confirmation of her negative beliefs.
Beliefs also come into play when a person has been taught – during their own childhood – that pregnancy is a means for control, either over the state, or the state of a man’s mind. When this is the case, and the game fails, there is then no need for a child that was simply being used (once again within the epidemic of self-centeredness) as a chess piece within a game of fear. Abortion simply rejects, or takes back, a wrong move. A move, incidentally, forbidden in the real game of chess, and potentially, in the long term, forbidden within the emotional stakes of the game of life.
No one can deny – no matter how hard we try – that once cells begin to divide, life has been created. We can argue that this life is governed by those who created it. That whether or not a fetus goes to term, is entirely the choice of the woman carrying that life; it is growing in her body after all. We can argue, because life is so plentiful on this planet, that aborting one small example of it, is really of no concern, whatsoever. We can argue, a child carried to term by a guilty woman, holding self-destructive beliefs, would be a child better off dead. However, we could also argue, ‘better off dead’ is in fact, a complete nonsense.
“And if we say, any life is better than death, could we not consider adoption? Perhaps this is not seriously considered though, due to the risk of it being a greater emotional dilemma, than abortion.”
Six hundred and sixty nine words in and we can clearly see, the issue of abortion, is no easy one to address. Even so, I’m going to add a further consideration: Revenge and rejection, oh yes! What better way to reject the self – and it’s self loathing – than to abort a life it’s carrying. What better way to tell an abusive controlling man: f**k you! What better way to tell any man: f**k you. What better way to resolve a game gone wrong.
All things considered, when we create life, as an act designed for control, or to confirm limiting, negative beliefs, the root is the issue. The root is properly addressed through educating the children that have survived. The ones who haven’t survived are dead, and the dead, no longer matter. It’s the living we must focus our attention on now.
“We all know prevention is better than cure, and to avoid the complicated issues, playing with life and death potentially raise, we must come to understand, the root and cause, that leads to the damaging effects.”
Parenting skills and how we interact with each other is so very important. How can we possibly expect a child to go to sleep on time, when they’ve spent the whole evening alone, watching television or playing computer games on phones or tablets. It’s just not going to happen. It’s useful to watch the short video in this piece.
“I couldn’t help wondering why the stuff that mother needed to ‘get done,’ couldn’t have been a task, carried out, after the child was in bed. Self-centeredness is never going to be a useful trait in parents.”
What we can also learn from this is, the action of leaving children alone to entertain themselves, is teaching them that there’s value in self-centeredness (never confuse this with selfishness, we can selfishly enjoy each others company).
Mother is teaching her daughter to value self-centeredness through her own attitude. There is NO value in being self-centered. Spend time with children, even if they’re playing on a computer. Interact with them whilst they play.
“A child will never understand that self-centeredness creates neediness. The child is unable to verbalise these needs and ask for your company. Their behaviour simply demands it. A parent must understand this. In this example, all the child will do is see bed time, as quality time with mum and dad. The rest of the time mother and father are being self-centered in their actions and attitude.”
When parents leave children to just get on with it on their own – so they can ‘get stuff done’ – loneliness sets in. I believe loneliness in our children is a bigger problem than we realise. Interaction with others is the cure for loneliness and teaches us about ourselves. Self-awareness, as some might teach us, never comes from being alone. No, it comes from healthy interaction with others.
In an ideal world children should never be left alone. Attentive, loving parents, who set appropriate boundaries and rules for children, raise grounded and healthy adults. A computer game or television teaches us something about ourselves, yet we must ask, exactly what? What are we being taught? What behaviour do we expect from our children, when they’re lonely, having only the illusion of company, created through tablets, phones or television?
I could weep whilst watching this video, because what I see, is a lonely child getting the attention she deserves through being unruly, and out of control. In a real loving world, that isn’t the fantasy we’re taught (that children can be left to their own devises) parents would understand how much time they truly need to spend with their children.
We’re all so busy though aren’t we? So how can we make time for children when we simply don’t have it? Well, there needs to be a clear understanding of what children actually need, and then a plan in place for how we can provide that, before, we have them.
Sound to simplistic?
Probably, however, if we continue to fail in our duty to properly love our children, the issue of de-evolution stands a greater chance of becoming reality. Artificial Intelligence taking over the world, may not linger in the realms of science fiction for ever. It is in fact already becoming a genuine fear many academics have begun to express. If we don’t realise and act now, failures in parenting and how we love, will grow to be the start of our demise.
Why? Why spend time and money getting involved with Personal Development?
Well, the truth is, it’s only a small minority that do. The majority of people hold to the belief we learn by our mistakes, or assume we enter adulthood, already knowing how to make the best of our lives. Not many value themselves and their minds sufficiently in order to clearly see the benefits to continued learning.
Take for example going into business. We might think attending business school wise, yet what about the psychology of relationships? Do we understand how best to deal with business partners? Is there anything to learn, about our own psychological makeup, that could help us succeed?
“Going into business ‘half-cock’ as it were (or a relationship for that matter) can be both emotionally and financially costly”
Starting a business, armed with useful understandings of human psychology (in particular the psychology of beliefs), can only aid a smoother experience. Also the greater our understanding of human relations, the greater chance, of our success. In both these respects, involvement with Personal Development Training, simply spells out the actions of those who would rather avoid a few terms at the ‘school of hard knocks.’ Yes of course we learn by our mistakes, however, forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.
“Forewarned we’re able to avoid the many pitfalls, learning by mistakes or simply living off our whits, can bring”
Now, when it comes to luck and good fortune, you might think: ‘you either have it or you don’t.’ A limiting way to think for sure. Limiting, because we believe, luck is something you can make. Making our own good luck starts by being properly informed and prepared.
“Starting out by investing wisely in you, through better understanding your own mind, is how to design your future luck. Future luck, is designed by understanding how the past continues to influence the present, and future.”
If you already believe you’re a lucky person, it’s potentially unlikely you’ll seek out Personal Development. It may well be, that you’ll live by this belief – going from one win to the next. Be advised though, only working from the belief you’re lucky, is going to lead to that inevitable spate of bad luck. Far better to nurture the good luck belief, and then gain the knowledge of it’s opposite, to avoid that inevitable fall.
Now, you may think it obvious, that the opposite to good, is bad. You’d be incorrect in this assumption. Bad is only the counterpart to good, it’s opposite is ignorance. Think of a naughty child. The child is only naughty because he doesn’t understand – or has never been shown – the benefits of being good. Therefore good and bad are seen as equal counterparts that get what the child seeks: love and attention. When we show a child the benefits of being good, in terms of their own well being, it’s counterpart bad diminishes, and it’s opposite ignorance, is thenworked upon.
“In other words, we’re teaching the child, how to think.”
So, designing luck, is the kind of thing only the pragmatic do. It’s these wise individuals, who’d rather not survive by the skin of their teeth, relying on chance alone, that seek out continued development. It’s the unlucky who never truly understanding the difference between good and bad. Changing ignorance into ‘informed-wisdom’ is creating our own good luck.
The first lesson is in the form of this question: What do you want? You’ll never know anyone, least of all yourself, if you don’t know what they want.